


Through The Dark

by Just4H



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band), niall horan - Fandom
Genre: Dark Past, F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-04-24 07:39:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 78
Words: 290,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14350950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just4H/pseuds/Just4H
Summary: Julie has moved to Los Angeles to escape her troubled past. She has found a new life working with her best friend Amanda at the busy LA Memorial Hospital and training to be an RN. When Niall Horan of One Direction shows up at the hospital with a knee injury, he takes an interest in the girls, especially Amanda.After Niall invites the girls to a One Direction concert, Julie meets Harry Styles and sparks sizzle and pop. While Amanda and Niall's relationship develops, Julie finds it difficult allowing Harry into her life. But as she and Harry grow closer, she's made to face the painful secrets of her past. Will her heart be strong enough to find her way through the dark?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The chapter length at the beginning of the story is quite lengthy, hey, I'm new to this. Things seem to calm down and straighten themselves out as it goes....I hope you're still able to give it a chance

It's never a dull moment working at a busy Los Angeles ER/Urgent Care. Always someone coming in and out every day, all day and all night. It's a good thing the doors are actually revolving because they are constantly in motion. Sitting at the Admissions desk Julie was constantly amazed at how many people were seen and treated each day at this crazy place she called a day job. Even though she was trained for both being a nurse's assistant and working the admissions and billing, she found herself being scheduled in admissions most often. She loved her job and her coworkers, but she couldn't wait to finish school and be an actual RN working side by side with the doctors saving patient's lives and helping them in their time of need.

Julie grabbed the handful of clipboards with admissions papers attached to them so she could start the rounds going in and talking to the patients who were brought in either by ambulance or who were taken back to rooms immediately. Had to get the proper paperwork, insurance information and billing information quickly. As Julie rounded the corner to the first room she ran into her best friend and roommate Amanda who of course was the best RN the hospital could have. She is smart, sweet, beautiful and all around amazing inside and out and always puts a smile on everyone's face. She's also very hard to miss with her gorgeous purple hair. People always wondered how the two of them could be best friends as they seemed polar opposites on the outside, but on the inside they were more alike than anyone even imagined.

"Hey Panda," Julie said. Panda was Julie's nickname for her bestie. There weren't very many times she referred to her as Amanda anymore. "Ready for this crazy night? Been here 10 minutes and already running to 5 different rooms for admissions. Must be a full moon and you know what that means."

"Hey JJ," said Amanda. JJ was Amanda's nickname for Julie, her initials. It wasn't very hard to come up with. "Thrilled we may need to go out for drinks in the morning."

"Yeah, sure just what I wanna do at 7 am when our shifts over." Julie laughed. "I don't know why I just haven't become famous yet."

"Someday JJ, Someday." Amanda said as she walked the opposite direction to her first patient.

Julie went through the first four admissions and triage with ease; and when walking to the last one on this round, she kept getting a feeling she recognized the name on the paperwork. She slowly mulled it over when it hit her. She called to the nurse sitting at the nurse's station. "Hey Jane, could you make sure Amanda comes and helps me with the admissions and triage with this patient? Consider it a huge favor. I will owe you!"

Jane nodded. "Of course JJ, will do."

They didn't ask for favors much of each other, but when asked, most everyone tried to honor each as easily as possible.

Julie walked up and knocked gently on the door. "Excuse me, I apologize for bothering you, I'm Julie, from admissions. May I come in to get your paperwork started?"

A big gentleman stood up from a chair next to the bed of the patient. "Yes, of course, Niall, are you ok with that?"

Niall, Niall Horan, One/Fifth of the Mega successful boy band One Direction was lying in the hospital bed in front of her. Julie could hardly believe it. If Julie could hardly believe it, wait until Amanda saw what Julie was seeing. Wow! Julie shook her head and smiled slightly at herself, "get yourself together and be professional," she told herself.

Niall nodded. "Sure I think I can handle some paperwork."

Julie managed to smile, and even though she was nervous, she forced herself to be as normal as possible. "Thank you." She said as she walked across the room towards Niall. "This part will be mostly painless, I promise. I just need some basic information, and if I could make a copy of your insurance card please."

Niall nodded and handed Julie his insurance card. "Ok, painless sounds good."

Julie smiled at him and asked the basic questions required on every admissions form she'd ever taken, but for some reason getting all these personal answers from Niall Horan seemed unreal. "Ok, I'm going to run and make a copy of the insurance card, print a pretty bracelet for you to wear while you're a guest with us here and I will be back for a few autographs, and we should be done." Even though she generally uses the word autographs when she got the patients' signatures, as soon as she said it, she wasn't sure if she should have said it to Niall.. It was too late though, and she didn't want to make it seem like she had lost her confidence, so she just left the room rolling her eyes to herself.

On her way back to Niall's room Julie asked Jane if Amanda would be able to come soon, because she wanted to see her reaction to having Niall as a patient. She learned that Niall should be Amanda's next stop and was overjoyed. Amanda loved One Direction, and Niall happened to be at the top of the members' list for Amanda. Julie was excited to be able to see her friend meet one of her favorite singers.

"Ok Niall," Julie said as she walked back into the room, "I need your right wrist please. I need to outfit you with this gorgeous white plastic bracelet you may not remove the entire time you are in our building."

Niall laughed and put out his wrist. At least this admissions girl had a good sense of humor and so far didn't seem to recognize him, or if she did, didn't seem phased by it. It was a nice change. She did mention autographs, but he was unsure if she actually meant autographs or something else. He watched as she gently put the bracelet on his wrist. "You were right, pretty painless so far."

"Yes, but I butter you up for the ones that get to have all the fun. That I can't promise will be painless." Julie joked. "I'm just kidding of course; we have the best staff around, and our best nurse should be here shortly. I just need you to sign a few places on these forms and I will be out of your hair." As she flipped through the forms, she noticed some extra papers stuck in between the forms that did not normally belong there with the simple "Sign Here" on them and nothing else. "Oh for crying out loud," she mumbled to herself as she tried to pull them out nonchalantly, while glancing over her shoulder at a couple of other staff members peering into the room.

Niall looked up. "Is there a problem?"

"Oh, no, sorry" Julie stammered. Then she just laughed. "Ok well apparently some additional forms need to be signed tonight. But only by those patients named Niall Horan. I'm so sorry." Julie handed him the clipboard with the proper paperwork. "Please just sign the 3 forms we filled out earlier."

Niall laughed again. "So you do know who I am."

Julie nodded. "Of course, but I apologize; my friends tried to be a little sneaky."

Niall handed the signed paperwork and clipboard back. "Oh it's not a problem really. Thanks for trying to head them off. I can sign them if you'd like."

"No, that's not necessary. You are a guest here, and you deserve your privacy." Julie thought for a moment. "However, if you want, you could help me get back at them." She raised her eyebrows at him.

Niall nodded slowly as Julie explained her plan, and then he burst out laughing. "Of course." He took the papers from Julie and proceeded to write on them.

As he handed the papers back to Julie, Amanda walked in to the room. "Hello, I'm Amanda and I will....." her words trailed off as she looked up and realized who was there in front of her. "Holy crap! It's Niall Horan! OMG! In the bed right in front of me! Holy shit! Wow!" She screamed in her head.

Julie smiled and walked over to Amanda, "Remember that awesome nurse I was telling you about? This is her, Amanda. She's the best one we got." Julie elbowed Amanda gently in her ribs to get her out of her silence. "He's all yours Amanda. Niall, you call for me if she gets out of hand. I got your back. I will see you again at discharge. Thank you for your time. It was a pleasure meeting you." Julie gave Amanda another quick nudge before she walked out the door. "If you need help, remember I am an assistant too." She whispered and tried not to giggle on her way out.

"Nice meeting you too Julie. Thank you." Niall said as Julie walked away. "Hi Amanda, I'm Niall, nice to meet you."

Amanda, still stunned, shook her head. "Get it together Amanda!" she said to herself. "Hi Niall," she said as she stepped forward, "let's get started." She started the routine check up to make sure his vitals were normal and to get the reason for his visit. Even though she was very nervous inside, she was super proud of herself as to how she remained calm and professional. She felt like she was going to burst. How could Julie request her to come in for this patient and not give her a warning! Damn her! But then again at least she did ask for her to come in. Niall should have gone to a different nurse so guess it's a good thing. What a night!

Julie stood outside the room for a moment watching Amanda in her element with Niall. "She's sure good at what she does," Julie thought to herself. "Hope someday I can be that great and that passionate about something." Sure Julie was good at many things, especially when it came to her jobs, but she just couldn't find that love that Amanda had for it or that she knew Niall had to have for what he did. She sighed as she turned away knowing if she didn't get moving she would fall far behind very quickly. Amanda's words came back to her at that time, "Someday JJ, Someday." Yeah someday, maybe, but what? As she turned, she handed the three pieces of paper to her sneaky friends and tried not to laugh; but as soon as she saw their reactions, she couldn't help it. "Sorry but you guys deserve it. Good luck convincing people that's Niall's autograph." Julie said laughing as she walked away leaving them staring at the giant X's scrolled across the pieces of paper they thought they could get away with slipping onto the clipboard. Try to trick her, they get what they deserve.

Crazy night did not even begin to describe the rest of the shift. Julie sat down in her chair and looked at the clock. Her twelve hour shift was just about over, and she couldn't even remember if she had gone to the bathroom or ate anything; and she'd no time to talk to Amanda about her interaction with Niall. "Ugh, what a freaking night," she thought, and she rubbed the back of her neck. As if they knew she'd finally gotten two seconds to sit down to rest, she heard herself paged over the loud speaker for a discharge. "I swear they have cameras sitting around watching, and every time I sit down, they then come up with something for me to do," Julie said to no one in particular. It took her a minute, but then she realized the discharge was for Niall. Great end of a 12-hour shift. She probably looked as lousy as she felt, and now she had to go charm Niall through this discharge. Sometimes life wasn't exactly fair.

Niall looked up as he heard the quiet knock on his door. "Julie right? Come in, good to see you."

"Ah, they told you I was the only one that could let you escape huh? That's why everyone likes to see me." Julie laughed as she handed Niall the final paperwork. "How's the knee?"

Niall signed the final paperwork and handed it back. "It's sore, but I'm told I will live. That I can keep it and continue to walk on it. So could be worse. You were right, your staff is amazing. Your favorite nurse is great."

Julie looked up at him from finalizing the paperwork and smiled. "I tell the truth. Amanda is our best. Everything you could ask for. I will go through your discharge instructions with you, and then she will come in to see if you have any questions regarding them." Julie read through Niall's restrictions and directions. "So in other words, no dancing on the ceiling or dancing all night even to the best song ever, and I don't want to hear the excuse that it's the story of your life, so you have too."

Niall laughed. "Well I've never had it put quite like that before."

Julie shrugged. "It's been a very long 12 hours; and as soon as I kick your butt outta here, I'm out myself, so sorry if my jokes fall a little flat this morning." Julie laughed. "I may be borderline delirious at this point."

Niall didn't know why but he couldn't stop laughing. "Corny or not, that was funny."

Julie could listen to him talk all day and night, that accent. Wow. She knew some about him and One Direction, and she loved their music, but most everything she'd learned from Amanda. She couldn't wait to talk to Amanda. Where was she anyway? "Not very professional of me, but technically my shift ended about two minutes ago, so I guess I'm safe." She took Niall's copies off the clipboard and handed them to him. "I hope you enjoyed your stay at our 5 star accommodations, sir. I hope you will recommend it to your friends and family. If they are ever in need, they are welcome to visit our quaint facility, and I hope you heal quickly, so you can avoid being run over by your legions of fans and crazy paparazzi."

This girl was crazy. She was great; even though she seemed like she knew who he was, and obviously she knew his songs, she was cool with him and joked around with him, treating him like a normal guy off the street. Just like that nurse, Amanda, did. It was great to have that happen as it happened less and less these days. "I hope I don't ever have to come back here as a patient or see any of my friends or family here, but if by some chance they do need a place, I do know who to send them too."

Julie laughed. "Can't imagine why you wouldn't want to come stay more often. We aren't that bad, I bet it wasn't even that painful. Mostly. Ok fine....maybe a brief visit once you're healed, so we can see the outcome of our handy work." She smiled as Amanda walked into the room. "And here is your friendly nurse now, and my ride home, so if you could limit your questions I would appreciate it greatly." She winked at Niall and reached out to shake his hand. "Nice meeting you and good luck with your healing and everything."

Niall shook her hand and found himself smiling and laughing again. "I will try to keep it short for your sake. Thanks again, and it was nice meeting you too."

Julie put her hand briefly on Amanda's shoulder as she walked out. "See you in the locker room when you're done."

Amanda nodded at Julie and then turned and smiled back at Niall. "So I'm sure my friend, who is always more than prepared, covered every detail of your discharge instructions, but do you have questions before we let you go?"

"Yeah," Niall said as he sat up to put his shoes on. "You're her ride home? Are you guys more than just coworkers?" He asked as he bent down to tie his shoes.

Amanda laughed. "Um I meant about your discharge instructions, but yes, we're best friends and also roommates."

Niall sat back up. "Oh, no she covered the discharge instructions thoroughly. So you guys do everything together? Have a lot in common?"

Amanda was confused as to why Niall had such an interest in the two of them, but what would it hurt to answer. "Yeah we do a lot together, not everything, but always if the other needs someone to go with, we would always be there. Similar tastes in most things."

"That's awesome. Kinda like the guys and me in the band. Always have someone around if needed." Niall smiled. He wanted to do something special for Amanda and Julie too; he just needed to figure out what that was.

"The band, holy goodness," Amanda thought to herself. She was doing very well at trying to separate Niall the patient from Niall the superstar member of One Direction, but when he brought up the guys and the band, the butterflies and the fast heart beat came back full force. She tried to say something, but it just wouldn't come out. "OMG how can I even stand this right now. If he has no questions, I should have been out of the room by now," she thought to herself, but she couldn't speak, and she couldn't move, and she was sure she looked just like a dork standing there silently.

Niall stood up slowly and adjusted the brace on his knee. "Well, not that I ever recommend anyone get injured or ill, but if they do, I know where to send them. Thanks again for being so great through the whole night. Julie said it was a 5 star establishment, and as far as hospitals go, I'd have to say she's right, especially the staff!"

Amanda shook her head and laughed. "She would say that. Would you believe outside this crazy job she's actually very quiet and shy?"

Niall looked at her shocked. "Julie? Really? She seemed so easy going and outgoing."

Amanda nodded. "Yes, JJ, er, Julie. She puts a lot of work into making people feel comfortable in her job, but outside of it, she's the quiet one. Always has the best timing on what to say, but she doesn't always have a lot to say. Until you get to know her, then all bets are off." Amanda couldn't help but smile talking about her friend. They hadn't known each other for all that long; but they became great friends very quickly, and she would do anything for her at any time, and she knew JJ would do the same for her. Like making sure she got to take care of Niall tonight. That was something JJ wouldn't have thought twice about. She was glad they both got an opportunity to meet Niall, but in her heart she knew JJ would have given it up if needed so Amanda could meet him. What a great night. Even though Amanda should feel exhausted, she was floating on cloud nine. There was no way she was going to be able to go home to bed. She hoped she could convince JJ they needed to do something out if the ordinary today.

Niall shrugged. "Huh, I wouldn't have guessed. Maybe will have to see that for myself someday." He got into the wheelchair when the orderly came to wheel him to his car.

Now what could he have meant by that Amanda wondered, but before she could ask, he was already being pushed out the door and down the hall.

"Thanks again Amanda. If we meet again I hope it's not under these circumstances." Niall called out as he disappeared down the hallway.

Amanda walked into the locker room to find JJ, still wondering what Niall meant by his last few comments. By the time she found JJ, she had convinced herself it wasn't anything but a nice friendly conversation. She found JJ lying on the bench on her back in front of the lockers. "Oh my god! Thank you so much! Niall Horan seriously!?"

JJ didn't even move the arm she had over her eyes. "Right? And of course ain't no one else I'd want to take care of him besides you. Besides I would've been frightened if you had found out I knew he was here and didn't tell you. I would have had to go into hiding."

Amanda pushed on JJ's legs. "Shut up. Why do you gotta be such a smart ass."

"I'd rather be a smart ass then a dumb bitch." JJ said tiredly.

Amanda couldn't help but laugh. She was in such a good mood. "You are such a dork. Come on. Let's go do something fun and crazy. It feels like that kind of day!"

Julie still hadn't removed her arm from her eyes. "If you mean fun and crazy by sleep and more sleep then I'm in. Between school all day and work all night I'm seriously done. You may have to scrape my body from this bench Panda."

Amanda forgot JJ spent the whole day yesterday at clinicals for her nursing degree and then worked a 12 hour shift; and she had worked a 12 hour shift the night before too. She often wondered how JJ was able to do it half the time. "But how am I supposed to sleep after that night."

"You can cuddle me and I will let you call me Niall." Julie said, and both girls burst out laughing.

Niall walked into the studio on his crutches, grateful that they were on a break from touring at the moment, so they could write and record their new album. He looked around and didn't see anyone else yet. He figured he would be the first one there since it was still early; he had come straight from the hospital to the studio. The hospital ̶ what a night. He'd had his share of injuries and spent his share of time in hospitals but never before did he have an experience like that. From the admissions girl treating him like he was a guest at a 5 star hotel to that amazing nurse. That admissions girl, what was her name, Julie or JJ, had told him he would have the best nurse, and he did. She was amazing throughout the whole night. And cute too. Whoa, where did that come from? Ok, he knew where that came from, but what was he thinking? Ok, he knew that too. He wanted to get to know them better. Both of them really. They were both one of a kind, and yet they seemed very close. Probably couldn't get one out without the other anyway, at least not at first. Besides JJ made him laugh, and he really didn't believe Amanda when she told him that JJ was quiet either. But Amanda, that's the one he wanted to see again for sure. So he knew he had to come up with a way to make it happen.

"Earth to Niall," Niall heard and he looked up to see Harry, Liam, and Louis all standing there looking at him. "What kind of drugs did they give you at that hospital last night lad?" Louis finished.

"It's not the drugs." Niall said. "You guys should have come and visited me. I had a great room with a awesome view and a superb staff."  Niall laughed quite hard. "Yeah, I guess I am pretty glad."

"So which of their phone numbers did you get?" Harry asked.

"None." Niall said. "Didn't think it was appropriate at the time, especially since they both took such care as to not ask me for an autograph or a pic or anything."

Harry groaned. "Really Niall?"

"Yes Harry, but I do know where they work, and I am going to figure out a way to see them again." Niall said matter of factly.

"Both of them?" Harry, Liam, and Louis all said together.

"Yes," Niall laughed. "But especially Amanda." Yes, especially Amanda he thought to himself there was just something about her he couldn't let go of. Now to figure out a way to do it, in the most uncreepy, clever and fun way possible.

"Does anyone know where Zayn is?" Julian, the producer, asked the guys. Niall, Harry, Liam, and Louis all shrugged and went about their conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

Julie came into the apartment she shared with Amanda and threw her keys on the table and her bag on the floor. It had been 8 weeks since their run-in with Niall at the hospital, but she had been so busy she had barely even seen Amanda in passing; and they hadn't had time to even discuss it, except for some random texts between work and classes, and while they rushed by each other when they worked the same shift. It was driving her insane! She wanted to talk to Amanda about it and knew it was bothering Amanda not to be able to talk to her about it also.

"Panda?!" Julie called out hoping her friend was home. She thought she should be, but she barely knew what day it was anymore. Between end of semester clinicals at school and work, she was never home; and when she was, she was asleep the whole time. It was the most insane time of her life, and she wasn't sure she could take much more. Thank goodness the semester was over after her test tomorrow, and she could maybe have some sort of social life at that time. When she didn't get an answer, she sighed and sat down on the couch and pulled her books out of her bag. "I dunno what I was thinking there is no way I'm passing this crap."

Amanda came out of her room. "Shut up; you will too. Stop being so hard on yourself. I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to see you outside of passing each other at work though."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I feel like I don't know if I'm coming or going anymore. I'm not sure I even want to be an RN anymore. I'm just so worn out. Wish I felt the way you felt about it. Or about anything for that matter." Julie leaned back against the couch. "You got time to talk now?"

"Do you?" Amanda asked raising her eyebrows at JJ.

"Not really, I should be studying, but for you my Panda I will make it." Julie sighed. "I'm pretty sure you've been dying to talk to me about our little boy band friend."

"Uh yeah," Amanda said. "Like every day for 8 weeks! Who else can I talk to about it?"

"I know. I'm sorry, ok, I'm a rotten friend; what can I say."

"Oh shut up JJ!" Amanda protested. "I still can't get over the fact he was there, and I got to work on him a lot for 12 hours; and I had to contain myself the whole time! And we were so busy, I couldn't even go crazy to you the whole night, or the next morning, or for the past 8 weeks!"

"I know, I know!" Julie looked back at her friend. "I'm all yours now though, so go crazy. He was definitely a nice guy and a lot more down to earth then I thought he would be. Tried to be normal but wasn't always easy. You know how it is for me; normal's not my thing. Plus everyone kept trying to sneak papers in for autographs!"

Amanda laughed. "Yeah, you're not normal, and I saw the nice big X's you got Niall to sign. Nice touch by the way." Amanda laughed harder at the evil smirk that came across JJ's face. "You can be quite evil ya know." She continued while JJ just shrugged. "He said some pretty interesting things when he was leaving and I've been dying to get your take on it for....."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, for the past 8 weeks." Julie finished for her. "Go ahead then"

Amanda went over the conversation in complete detail while JJ listened.

"Hmmmm," Julie said. "That is interesting."

There was a knock at the door. The girls just looked at each other. It was unusual for them to have unexpected visitors. Figures it would happen when they finally get an opportunity to talk for the first time in 8 weeks.

Amanda got up and answered the door. After a couple of minutes, she came in with a beautiful arrangement of flowers and 2 envelopes.

Julie looked at her curiously. "Ummm....something you forgot to tell me?"

"What about you? They are for both of us." Amanda countered.

"What?" Julie sat up curiously. "Well open it already."

Amanda just gave JJ a look as she opened the first envelope and read it. "This one is from the hospital. Said these were delivered there to us by a very satisfied patient, and since we were off the next couple of days, they wanted to send them directly to us. Said they were very pleased by the review, and we are going to get some bonus time off coming to us because of it."

"What?" Julie asked stunned. "Is that even a thing?"

Amanda shrugged. "Apparently it is now. Don't look a gift horse JJ."

Amanda's mouth opened in shock as she opened the next envelope and pulled out the contents. "Holy shit! OMG! NO WAY!"

Julie stared at her. "Care to share?"  
Amanda started jumping up and down and held up what she pulled out the envelope. "One Direction tickets to the sold out show tonight! And backstage VIP passes! And a note from Niall!"

"Shut up Panda! Not nice!" Julie didn't believe it and took the envelope and everything from Amanda. Holy crap it was. Two tickets, two passes and a simple letter that said "Thanks so much for the best care a guy could ask for. Hope to see you at the show. Best regards. Niall Horan." Julie looked at Amanda who was still hopping up and down. This could not be happening. This does not happen. They had been trying to get tickets for ages to the show and finally gave up. And now this. "I can't." Julie said and set the contents down on the counter and walked back to the couch.

Amanda stopped and stared at her friend in disbelief. "You can't?! Have you finally completely lost your mind?!"

"Possibly." JJ stated matter-of-factly. "Take someone else. I have my final tomorrow. How can I go to this, study, and pass? As much as I'm dying to go and see the show and see backstage and see Niall again and, hello, see the rest of the hot guys in that band. It's one night. If I fail this final, it's the rest of my life. I hate adulting Panda." Julie slumped down on the couch.

"No you have to go! You are more prepared than anyone ever for this final. You have been working nonstop in a hospital and going to school and you are just going! I will help you through the final after the show JJ! You are not missing this. You deserve it!" Amanda practically shouted.

"You deserve it Panda. I wouldn't even know One Direction if it weren't for you, at least not as well as I do. As long as you go, I can live vicariously through you. It's not your fault it takes me forever to figure things out and am just doing this school crap now." Julie did know it wasn't something that came up every day and was something that would probably never happen to her again; but, this final was going to determine if she passed this semester or not. Besides she thought she would be so nervous being backstage in front of the whole band. Niall alone was hard to get her composure with; how could she with Harry , Zayn, Liam and Louis standing there too?

"I won't let you do this. You will be fine. You can't leave me do this without you! No one else will understand. And don't think I don't know what you're thinking. I will be nervous too. You can get through the nerves. JJ you can't pass this up. Not this." Amanda pleaded. It just wouldn't be the same without JJ there. Besides it was to both of them, not to Amanda to choose a guest.

JJ looked at her friend, and it broke her heart to see how much it bothered her. "Ok, alright, ok fine. For you, but if I fail....."

"You won't! I promise!" Amanda hugged her friend. "This is amazing! I can't believe it! What are we going to wear?!"

Julie couldn't help but laugh. Ah, yes wardrobe. She already knew she was going to let Amanda deal with that, because otherwise she would just have to listen to Amanda tell her what she couldn't wear anyway. If it was up to JJ, she would wear jeans and a t-shirt everywhere. Wonder if she would get away with it tonight?

Amanda and JJ walked into the stadium and showed security their passes and tickets and were told to wait for a moment. They looked at each other and shrugged, because they weren't sure what is going on. Seems like everyone else with passes was gathering in a group for their meet and greet with the band. After about 20 minutes, they were met by two big men with walkie talkies who ask them to follow them.

"Hi, I'm James, and this is Michael." One of them said. "Follow us please."

"Um, just the two of us?" Julie stammered.

"Yes," laughed Michael. "We have special instructions for the two of you."

"Oh crap." Julie muttered quietly to Amanda and Amanda just shrugged.

The girls followed James and Michael through what seemed like a maze of hallways through the stadium, and after what seemed like miles, they finally came to a door that James opened for them.

"Go on inside Lou, Lottie and Gemma are waiting for you." He stepped aside to let them in.

"Wait, what?" Amanda said looking at Julie.

Julie's eyes widened with shock. "We can't...we can't...." she simply couldn't get the words out.

"Yes you can." Lou said as she walked towards the door. "C'mon in. It's our job to keep you guys company while the boys are doing their meet and greet. Niall's orders."

Lottie laughed when the girls didn't move. "We don't bite. Promise. Well at least I don't; can't promise Gemma and Lou don't."

Julie and Amanda slowly walked in, looking around what looked like a huge dressing room. Holy crap, Julie thought, we are in One Direction's dressing room. Or where their clothes are and where they get their hair done. Things that go on here are private; they weren't the kind of people who should be back here.

Amanda was in shock. She couldn't believe what was happening to her. This was all crazy. What were they doing in their dressing room? Why weren't they just in line for the meet and greet like everyone else? This was insane. She wondered if JJ's heart was beating as fast as hers. She still couldn't say a word and realized that JJ hadn't either.

Gemma stepped up. "Ok, Niall didn't tell us you girls couldn't talk. I'm Gemma. Which of you is Amanda, and which is Julie?"

It took Amanda a minute, but knowing how quiet Julie was in new situations, she stepped up. "I'm Amanda, and this is JJ, er Julie. Sorry, I call her JJ. Nice to meet you."

"Julie or JJ?" Gemma asked.

Julie kinda laughed. "I answer to either. Either is fine. Thank you."

"Don't be so nervous. Look around; ask questions. Have fun. The guys will probably be awhile, and we don't want you to be bored. Niall would never forgive us." Lou said.

"This isn't necessary." Julie countered. "Really, we can just wait with everyone else." She was a little uncomfortable with all the attention but saw Amanda was already looking at the wardrobe hanging on the racks.

"Don't be silly." Lottie said. "Niall was very clear that you two treated him better than anyone else, ever, during his hospital stay, and we were to do the same. Please enjoy."

After a while the girls started to relax. Lou, Lottie, and Gemma were very kind and very easy to talk to. They started to let their guard down and act more like themselves after about an hour. Lottie showed them some old wardrobe from past tours. She handed Julie and Amanda each a jacket and told them to go ahead and try them on. Julie tried to zip the jacket and then said, "Can tell they don't have boobs. I can't even get the zipper up over mine, and I hardly got any." All the girls started laughing. The girls walked around some more, and Julie picked up a pair of Niall's pants. "Hey Panda, you could try these on and then tell everyone you got in Niall's pants." Julie busted out laughing, especially at the shocked look on Amanda's face.

Of course, Amanda couldn't let JJ get away with that though, so she picked up a pair of Harry's old wardrobe pants. "Same could be said for you; you could tell everyone you got in Harry's pants."

Julie gave Amanda a look, and Amanda knew she was in trouble.  Julie took the pants and started to put them on. "He must have no ass. I heard it was pretty easy to get into his pants, but this is a lot of damn work." Amanda busted up laughing, but then Julie remembered that Gemma was Harry's sister and glanced quickly over at her. She saw that Gemma was laughing so hard she was in tears. After a while, Lou took the girls to another part of the room to show them hair and make up.

Not long after, Lou walked away with the girls, and the guys walked into the room. They stopped looking at Lottie and Gemma, because they were still laughing hysterically.

"What's so damn funny?" Louis asked.

The girls looked up. "OMG! It took a while for them to relax, but JJ and Amanda are hilarious together." Lottie said as she tried to stop laughing.

Gemma tried to stop laughing too; but as soon as she looked at Harry, she just started laughing harder thinking of JJ's comment. Then she looked at Niall and thought of the look on Amanda's face and couldn't control herself anymore.

"Wow. apparently we missed the fun." Harry said. "Care to fill us in on the joke?"

"Uh, no....I can't....no...." Gemma said in between fits of laughter.

Lottie thought about it. She really wanted to tell them about the whole wardrobe thing, but should she? She knew it would embarrass JJ and Amanda, and she didn't want to do that; but it was funny, and the guys had wonderful senses of humor. Oh, should she or shouldn't she? She looked at Gemma. "I have to tell them." Gemma just nodded, because she was still laughing. "Ok, so Niall said to keep them occupied and happy; so at first they wouldn't even come in the room, but then they started to get more comfortable. So I showed them the old wardrobe from the old tours and let them try some things on. Their comments to each other were funny, but there were two that were just too much. First JJ tried to zip up a jacket I gave her and said 'you can tell they don't have boobs cuz I can't get the zipper up past mine and I barely got any' which was funny enough. But then...." She started laughing again and had to take a minute before she could continue.

All the guys laugh but couldn't figure out why they would be laughing so hard at a comment like that. "Really Lottie?" Louis said. "It's funny, but not that funny."

"Just wait." She said, "I said but then....first its funnier when you see their reactions but that's not the funniest part. So they were looking through the racks and then.....oh geez....then JJ picks up a pair of Niall's pants and says to Amanda." Gemma laughed harder knowing what was coming next and wiped her eyes. "You can put these on and tell everyone you got in Niall's pants."

The look on Niall's face is priceless and everyone laughs. "Wait." Niall said. "You think that's so funny?"

"It is funny, admit it," Harry said laughing.

"Not that funny," Niall said, but started laughing anyway.

"Oh, but I'm not done." Said Lottie laughing again. "So Amanda can't be outdone and she picks up Harry's pants and says to JJ well 'you can tell everyone you got in Harry's.' Well JJ got this look in her eyes and took them from Amanda and started to put them on. And she said....she said..." Lottie tried to speak in between laughs. "She said he must have no ass! Cuz she was struggling to get them over her ass, and then she said 'I heard it was easy to get in his pants, but this is a lot of damn work'." Lottie and Gemma watched the guys' reactions.

They all were rolling, except for Harry. It took him a minute. "She said what? Why..." Then he couldn't help himself either and laughed along with the rest of them.

"I think I need to meet these girls. At least this JJ I think I like her already." Louis said as he walked towards the back.

"Whoa, hold up Louis." Niall stopped him. "Me first. My guests."

The rest of the guys followed Niall. Harry was still shaking his head.

Julie and Amanda were looking through pictures Lou had of all the styles of the guys throughout the years when they heard Niall come in and address Lou. "Hey Lou. Thanks for your help." Julie looked and Amanda and mouthed. "Oh crap" to her. She wasn't sure she was ready for this. She closed the book and stood up not sure what to do. She wanted to run, but feared it was too late.

Amanda grabbed Julie's hand. This was it. Niall was here. How exciting, and probably the other guys were, too. Keep your composure, keep your composure, she said to herself over and over again.

Niall walked up to them and first hugged Amanda. "Hi, Amanda, thank you so much for coming. I'm so glad you could make it."

Amanda smiled at him and hugged him back. "Of course. Thanks for inviting us. This is amazing. More than we could have ever expected." If you only knew how I'm dying inside, she thought to herself.

Niall then hugged Julie. "Hi, Julie, my turn to welcome you."

Julie smiled nervously at him, but just nodded as she couldn't force out any words. She noticed the other four guys standing behind him. They were all so much better looking in person. Especially Harry Styles. Holy crap, was he a good looking man. She couldn't even bring herself to meet his eyes. This was going to be a long, uncomfortable night.

Harry couldn't help himself. Niall was right. Both girls were very beautiful in their own ways. But he wasn't sure he was right about Amanda being more beautiful. He couldn't help but watch Julie. Maybe it was because of the story he'd just heard from Lottie, but he found himself checking out her chest. Her comment about not having much came back into his mind. He wasn't sure he agreed completely; he thought her chest fit her perfectly. He wondered if he could get her to turn around. The ass comment also was playing in his mind. He wondered how much of one of those she had. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to let her get into his pants. Jesus, Harry, he thought to himself, she would sure love these thoughts first time meeting her. It was her own fault though; well, actually it was Lottie's for telling him. He had to stop. Get to know her first. Besides Niall seemed awful possessive of the two of them already, so he wasn't sure it would be smart to go after her anyway.

Niall took Amanda's hand and led her over to the guys. Amanda had to do everything in her power not to pull away. Wow he's holding my hand. Oh wow. This is not my life right now.

Julie smiled at Niall holding Amanda's hand. He didn't take her hand to lead her to the other guys, and she also noticed Niall didn't let go when they got to where they were going either. At least not right away.

"Amanda, Julie." Niall said. "Meet the guys. Liam, Louis, Zayn, and Harry. Guys meet Amanda and Julie; the best hospital staff anyone could ever have."

The guys gave hugs to each of the girls. After hugging Harry, Amanda stepped back next to Niall. "This is amazing." She said to him. "I can't believe you did this for us. We were just doing our jobs." She was also watching the interaction between JJ and Harry.

Harry gave Julie a little longer of a hug than he probably should have. Julie had to catch her breath when he was done. Holy crap, she thought. He looked good, he smelled amazing, and he gave the best hugs. They all did. But wow, he was just incredible. She felt him staring at her and forced herself to look at him, but only could for a second. "Um, is everything ok?" she managed to ask.

Niall and Amanda looked at each other. Niall could tell Amanda was confused. He leaned over and whispered. "Lottie told us about your conversation while going through our wardrobe and playing dress up." He raised his eyebrows at Amanda.

Oh crap, Amanda thought. How embarrassing. She really told them? All of them? Then she thought back to the playful conversation and what JJ had said about Harry. "All of it?" she asked Niall.

"Oh yes, all of it." He laughed as he looked at Amanda's face and watched her blush. "You sure are cute when you blush." That made her blush more, and him laugh harder.

If she was embarrassed, she wasn't sure how Julie was going to react when she found out that they knew about it. Julie may be quiet when you don't know her, but she was super quick and funny when you did. That conversation was typical for them, but not for outsiders. Julie was going to freak out. But Niall didn't seem phased by it. He seemed to take it all very well. "Oh, well....it was just....it was all in fun...." She stammered.

Niall shook his head. "Oh it's hilarious. Lottie and Gemma thought so especially; and so did Liam, Louis, and Zayn, Louis couldn't wait to meet Julie. Harry has a great sense of humor. He seemed a little caught off guard, but I'm sure he found it as funny as the rest of us."

"So, you found it funny too?" Amanda asked Niall remembering it started out with Julie saying that she could say she got in Niall's pants.

"Oh yes. I did. Besides I could think of worse things that could happen." Niall smiled his brilliant smile at Amanda.

Oh, I'm dead Amanda thought. He's perfect. Great looking, sweet, and has a great sense of humor. Oh, how he's perfect. She couldn't help but smile right back at him but then remembered JJ and Harry.

Harry flashed his huge smile at Julie. "Oh yeah, everything's fine from where I'm looking." He tried to read whether or not he should push it, and thought she was the one who started it, so she must have a good sense of humor. "By the way you're quite wrong." He said to her.

Julie wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer, but he left it open and knew he was waiting for her to ask. "Um, wrong? Wrong about what?"

"Two things actually." He purposely glanced up and down her from head to toe. "One, you have plenty in the chest." He paused enough to watch her start to turn red. "And two, it's harder than you think to get into my pants."

Julie's eyes darted up quickly to his, and she instantly regretted it. FUCK! She rarely swore even to herself, but this was a moment that called for the use of that word. Multiple times. They told him. She should have realized before she went there that she and Amanda weren't alone and that it would probably get back to them, especially Harry. She was so embarrassed. Her heart was racing, and she could feel the heat in her cheeks as she blushed more than she ever blushed before. She realized that all the other guys were laughing hysterically, but she could barely put a thought together. She wanted to run. Far and fast. She quickly looked away from Harry and towards Niall and Amanda. She couldn't ask Amanda to leave, but she wanted out. Now! Fuck! How embarrassing. She took a couple of steps back. She really wanted to run. But she didn't want him to think she was a wuss either. She knew it was taking a long time, but finally she just shrugged and said. "Huh....guess will have to see about that"; she then walked over to Amanda and put her forehead on Amanda's shoulder. "Kill me now," she whispered.

Harry watched Julie walk over to Niall and Amanda. Yep, she had a nice ass too. He groaned to himself. Wow Harry, how gentlemanly of you. He couldn't seem to help himself though. The thoughts were put into his head; and when they come from a girl who looks like that, well, can't easily forget them. And what did she mean we will have to see about that? Wow. Maybe he would have to find out what she meant. He watched her reaction when she got to Amanda though and wondered if maybe he should have waited before he said anything. She seemed really embarrassed.

Amanda rubbed her gently on the back. "You're fine. They are ok. Really."

Niall patted Julies head. "No need for violence. I think you provided entertainment for everyone. In a good way. I think Louis wants to be your new best friend."

"I wanna cry." Julie struggled to say. "I wanna leave."

"You're not leaving." Amanda and Niall both said at the same time. They looked at each other and smiled.

Julie slowly picked her head up and looked at them both. "I think I hate you both."

Niall took Amanda's hand again. "C'mon we got a lot to show you. Let's start with the stage. Julie follow us."

Julie made sure Harry walked out ahead of them and then followed Niall and Amanda. She didn't think she could be anywhere near Harry right now. Or ever for that matter. She almost couldn't wait for the night to be over. She felt someone at her side and looked over to see Louis walking beside her.

"I need to find out more about you. I think we can be great friends. Anyone who can completely render Harry speechless even for a second is someone I need on my side. When Lottie told us what you said. He was speechless. Brilliant you are." Louis said.

Julie blushed even more. "I didn't....it wasn't...it was only supposed....Amanda was the only one supposed to hear it.....especially not Harry."

"Oh I know, but it needed to be told. It was the best story ever!" Louis laughed. "You will fit right in around here."

The rest of the night went by like a blur. Niall showed the girls the stage and everything that went into putting on a show. Before they knew it, it was time for the guys to get ready to put on the show. It was such an amazing experience. Something neither of the girls ever thought they would get to do in their lifetimes. Julie was especially thrilled. Amanda thought she had never seen her so excited to learn about anything, but when Niall was talking about the whole thing, Amanda was just happy to be there and listening to him talk; and Julie seemed completely into every bit of it. She seemed super excited to be learning about every detail. Amanda was happy to see that. Julie was good at everything she did. When she put her mind to it, Julie could do whatever she wanted too and well; however, she always seemed to lack that certain passion for any of it. Amanda swore she saw glimpses tonight when Niall was going into details of the music. Amanda had to remember to talk to Julie about that. Was this what was missing? As much as she knew about her best friend, there was always the part behind the wall Julie kept up. The deepest part of her, and Amanda was going to get there one way or another.

Julie loved every part of the music scene. This was incredible. How every detail came together to put on such a huge show. She was stuck on every word Niall had to say. Plus, it gave her an excuse to completely ignore Harry. Not that she thought about it when Niall was going through things. There was something about it that just got her so excited. Practical Julie, be practical. Nursing will give you what you need. No dream chasing now. Time to grow up, and figure it out. She stood next to Amanda backstage and wrapped her arm in Amanda's arm and leaned her head on her shoulder. She couldn't believe what was happening, and they were about to have the best seats in the house for the biggest concert of the year.

Niall came up from behind and put his arms around the both of them and kinda squeezed in between them. "I hope you enjoyed yourselves tonight. When the show ends, James and Michael are going to take you to our transportation and back to our hotel, so you can hang out with us after. Since we have a second show here tomorrow, we don't leave yet." He kissed each girl on the cheek, squeezed Amanda's hand, and walked away before either girl could protest.

"What just happened?" Julie asked Amanda.

Amanda laughed. "I think we just got asked out, and since he didn't want to hear any excuses or a no, he left before he could hear any. We are going right?"

"Panda, I can't. I can't miss this final tomorrow, and I have to study. If I stay up all night, even if I make it to my final, I would be in no position to pass." She wasn't even convinced at the moment it was what she wanted anymore, but she had to be responsible. She went through all this school and worked so hard, she couldn't blow this off. Not even for Niall and One Direction. Not even for Amanda. "You should go though. You and Niall are great together. I can get through this on my own."

Amanda sighed. "I promised I would help you get through it. And even though I think you are more prepared than anyone ever, I won't back out of my promise."

"You will. A Niall doesn't come along every day, and he won't be around for long. Really. I'm good." Julie said trying to convince her friend. "I've got this. I'm always over prepared remember. Let's just watch the show and you can go with Niall and then tell me all about it later."

Amanda wasn't sure how, but she had to get Julie to come with her. At least for a little while. She had a whole show to figure it out; too bad she didn't have anyone to conspire with right now. Like Niall. But he was a little busy at the moment doing what he did best.

The show was absolutely amazing. The girls loved every second of it. The guys were right in their element, and you could tell every second. What an amazing night! Amanda tried her best to convince JJ to go with her to the hotel, and then she tried to convince her to let her go home with her, but JJ wasn't having it. She was a great friend, but Amanda knew better than anyone that JJ was more prepared for this final than any other person ever. She knew. because JJ wanted it, she would nail it like everything else.

When the show was over, and James and Michael tried to whisk them away, Julie politely, but forcefully, declined and went her own way to get home and study. If she was lucky, she could get a couple hours of studying in and then a couple hours of sleep before she had to be there. She was not looking forward to this at all, but she had to do it. She had to be an adult and be practical as she had been taught.

Amanda couldn't believe all the craziness that occurred from the time the show ended until she got to the hotel. It was insane. She knew the band was extremely popular, but everything was over the top, and some of the fans were crazy! She was happy to be quietly waiting in the hotel by herself. She was in Niall's suite, and it was bigger than the whole of her and JJ's apartment. What a life, she thought.

A little while later Niall walked in with Harry. "Hey Amanda." He kissed her on the cheek. "Where's Julie?" Both he and Harry looked around.

"Oh, she didn't come." Amanda answered.

"Oh." Harry said. "I hope it wasn't because of me."

Amanda shook her head. "No. At least not the main reason. She has her final tomorrow. She is doing clinicals to become an RN. I guess being a great CNA/Admissions/Discharge nurse wasn't good enough for her, so she's gotta perfect the RN too." Amanda laughed.

Harry nodded. "Oh well, that's a good thing right?" he asked because Amanda didn't sound so convincing.

"Yes, of course." Amanda nodded. "I can't believe I'm telling you this, but she's pretty hard on herself; everything she does she does great, but she never thinks she's good at anything. She's still trying to find her way, I guess. She works harder than anyone. I hadn't seen her since the day Niall was in the hospital, except at work, until today. She was either at school or at work or at the library studying. Just wish she could have enjoyed the rest of the night with me."

"Me too." Harry said quietly. "I guess I should excuse myself then; no need for me to be here. But Amanda, maybe you could help me with something. I'd like to do something nice to wish Julie luck on her exam. Think I could have your address?"

"Oh, um, well...." Amanda thought about it.

"Don't worry," he said. "Just some flowers or a card. Not like I'm going to show up on her doorstep naked or something." He joked.

"Oh well, yeah, sure, of course." She wasn't sure if he was completely joking with that last statement but gave him their address and watched him walk out.

"Alone at last." Niall laughed. "Did you have a good time tonight?"

"Alone at last?" Amanda asked. "So this was your plan?"

"No," Niall laughed a little nervously. "But it definitely isn't a bad thing. You seem worried about Julie though. Are you ok? Is she ok?"

"Yeah everything's fine. I promised her I'd help her study though and I kinda feel bad about bailing on her. Even though I know she doesn't need any more studying, she's not convinced. I probably should have gone home with her. But she convinced me I should come here instead. I just want her to be happy." Amanda said.

"I knew I liked her." Niall joked. "She seems to be pretty smart and know what she's doing. I'm sure she will be fine. So come sit down and talk to me." He sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him.

Oh geez, Amanda thought. Best. Night. Ever. She would make it up to JJ somehow, and she would thank her for making her come tonight too. This was the most amazing thing to ever happen to her. She walked over and sat next to Niall. They talked for hours. About everything. They got along so well and had so much in common. She loved it when he would touch her hand gently or put his hand on her knee. He was such a great guy. So easy to talk too, so easy going, funny and just perfect. She never wanted it to end. They eventually fell asleep, hand in hand on the couch.

Julie grabbed her bag and keys and was getting ready to leave when there was a knock at the door. Great, she thought. Just what I need, a distraction. Amanda didn't come home last night at all, and although ecstatic for her and Niall, I'm freaking out here about this final, and I don't even have her to talk too. This is the last thing I need. She opened the door and saw a delivery person standing there with a small but beautiful arrangement of flowers. "Julie?" he asked. Julie nodded and signed for them and set them on the table as she closed the door. Who would be sending me flowers? She thought. She opened the card and gasped. It read, "Good Luck today, although I'm sure it will be easier than getting into my pants. All the Love Harry" Harry Styles just sent her flowers to wish her luck on her final. Yes, he had to be a smartass on the card, but she had a feeling that was just him. And it was kind of cute and funny, she found herself thinking. No! No No No No No! There is no time to think about Harry Styles, especially now, so she grabbed her keys and rushed to the car. Or ever really. Why would she even think she has a chance with him? Good lord, he's Harry Styles. He dates people like Taylor Swift and super models like Kendall Jenner. The flowers were sweet, and the comments were funny, but he was just trying to be funny; don't read anything into it. Final! You have to pass this final!

Amanda openned her eyes and immediately saw Niall's face next to hers and felt his hand still in hers. I could have sworn this was a dream but it's not. Holy crap. I wonder what time it is. The sun's up. It's really bright, oh no! It has to be late. She sat up quickly and startled Niall. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's ok." He smiled at her. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes perfect. I've had a great time. Really. But what time is it?" She looked at the clock. "Crap it's after 10. I didn't get home last night, and I didn't get home this morning in time to see JJ before she left; and now she's already started the test, so can't even call or text her good luck. Damn." Amanda sat down.

"Oh." Niall put his arm around her. "She will understand. She knows all of that. And that no one loves her more then you."

"Thanks." She leaned into him. "But I still feel bad. I have to go soon to make sure I'm there when she gets home."

"Why don't I come with you?" Niall offered.

"You want to come with me? To my apartment? Really?" Amanda asked shocked.

"Yeah, sure. Why not? Why do you seem so surprised?" Niall asked amused. "I hope she does well on her exam too."

"Oh, I know. It's just you have so much to do and another show; I just didn't expect it. I think the test gets out at 2, so I want to be home by then." Amanda states.

"Ok, that should give me a little time before we have to be at the stadium for tonight. You're going to come tonight again right? Maybe you will have something to celebrate anyway." Niall asked.

"Um, I will come to any and all of your shows." Amanda laughed. "Hopefully JJ feels like celebrating."

They spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon talking over brunch and then got ready to leave. They ran into Harry in the hallway.  
"Where are you two headed?" he asked.

"Going to Amanda and Julie's to wait for Julie to get home from her final. Amanda's mad she wasn't there to see her off this morning." Niall answered.

"Oh, I wanna come. Can I come?' Harry asked. He had no idea why he wanted to go so badly, but he hadn't been able to get Julie out of his mind since last night.

"Sure." Amanda said. "Why not? But I have to warn you our apartment is smaller than Niall's hotel room." They all laughed as they walked out together.

Julie walked into the apartment and threw the keys onto the table by the door next to the flowers Harry had sent her. She instinctively bent down to smell them.

"Beautiful aren't they?" Julie instantly recognized Harry's voice and stiffened up. What was he doing here in her apartment? Before she could even ask though, he took a step closer and asked, "How'd your test go?" She looked up to see Niall and Amanda walk in from the small balcony they have. "They are beautiful. Thank you, and let's just say I'm glad it's over." She looked at Amanda. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Excuse us please." She said to Niall and Harry and led Amanda to her bedroom. "Why did you bring them here? And today, of all days?"

"They wanted to come to see how you did. To show you support." Amanda said, she was slightly caught off guard.

"They barely know me. This isn't a good time. I stressed out last night. I didn't get much studying done. I didn't get hardly any sleep and woke up home alone this morning with no one to freak out too, only to get flowers from Harry with a card that says 'good luck; but I'm sure it's easier than getting into my pants.' I'm completely freaking out here, and I'm pretty sure I completely tanked that test." Julie plopped down on the bed.

Amanda sat next to her. "You're stressing over nothing. I'm sorry I wasn't here. I should have been. I wanted to be. I didn't mean not to be. But as far as the test, there is no way you failed. You're you. You can do anything you put your mind too. I'm sure you did perfectly fine."

"I'm sorry." Julie gave Amanda a quick hug. "I shouldn't have gone off on you. Go, spend time with Niall. I'm going to shower and take a nap and just have a pity party with myself tonight."

"No you're not. You are coming to the concert tonight. Niall invited us back and you have no test as an excuse for tomorrow. Please. I have so much to tell you too. Please bestie." Amanda pleaded.

Julie gave her a look. "You will never be redone paying me back. Now get out, so I can shower."

Amanda went out to Niall and Harry. "She's a little stressed out, but she's going to come tonight. She's gonna shower now and get ready."

"Great!" Niall said. "I was hoping she would because I didn't want you to turn me down to stay with her."

Amanda blushed. She couldn't believe she found this guy, and that he was interested in her. How lucky was she?

Harry saw Amanda and Niall, but was paying no attention to what they were saying. As soon as Amanda had said Julie was taking a shower, that's all he could think about. Her in the other room in the shower. He was in trouble. This girl clouded his mind, and he barely knew her. He had to fix that. But how? She was proving difficult to even get close too. He would figure it out, and either he would be more intrigued, or he wouldn't be interested, and he could get her out of his head. He doubted that last part. But it was always possible.

"Harry? Uh, Harry?" Harry looked at Niall who was talking to him, but Harry barely heard a word. Niall continued. "We should probably go. The girls can meet us there."

Harry nodded. "Of course. If we're too late, we won't hear the end of it. See you soon Amanda."

Niall took Amanda's hands. "See you soon." He looked her in the eyes, and she could tell he was thinking about kissing her. Oh please do, she thought. Just as she finished her thought, she felt his lips gently touch hers. It was a short but very sweet kiss. "See you soon." She said as she watched him walk out the door with Harry. She instinctively touched her lips. This is not my life, she thought again. But I will take it!


	3. Chapter 3

"JJ, are you ok? Even for you, you're awful quiet tonight." Amanda asked as they sat backstage waiting for the guys to be done with their pre-show interviews and meet and greets.

"Tired I guess; it's been a long...well, couple months. After last night, I'm not sure how much I want to say. I'm still embarrassed, and I'm still kind of overwhelmed by all this." Julie answered.

"Shouldn't you be relieved that the final is over, and you can relax for a while? And isn't it about time something good happens to us? I mean, geez, how much more boring crap could we put up with?" Amanda laughed.

Julie shrugged. "I suppose."

Amanda raised her eyebrows. "Wow. Convincing." She wasn't done getting to the bottom of JJ's issues, but she heard the guys come in, so she let it go for now.

Julie watched Niall go up to Amanda and take her hands and give her a brief but sweet kiss. She was so happy for her friend. In a couple of day's time she found an amazing guy in Niall; and, of course, it didn't hurt that it was Niall. Everything went quickly, but she supposed it had to. He had three shows here, which kept him here for a while; but then, he would jet off again to finish the tour, which didn't end for another month. How do you deal with that? she thought. She guessed she would find out soon, as she helped Amanda through it. She didn't see this ending once Niall left in a couple of days. Oh, the life of a rockstar.

"I'm so glad you came. You can come back to the hotel again tonight right?" Niall asked Amanda.

Amanda still couldn't believe this was happening to her. There was no way she was missing spending as much time with Niall as she could. "Of course. I'm so glad they scheduled three shows in a row here." She laughed.

"Me too." Niall said. "And then we have a couple of days before our next show, so I'm trying to get them to let me stay here a day or two longer. Is that ok with you?"

Amanda pretended to think about it. "I think I might be able to handle it. I am supposed to go back to work tomorrow night though, so could prove problematic."

Niall grinned. "Well, maybe we will have to see what we can do about that." He wrapped his arms around her. "Let's go for a walk. Well, as much as we can around here."

"Ok." Amanda said. She would do anything Niall asked of her. May seem crazy, but everything felt right when she was with him.

Julie watched Niall and Amanda walk out of the room. Great, she thought. Again she was super happy for Amanda, but she really wondered what she was doing there at the moment. Everything was so new and great for Niall and Amanda; she really wasn't needed, and they really had no eyes for anyone other than each other. She just tried to sink into the corner until the show. At least she would enjoy the show she thought.

Harry had watched Julie since he walked into the room. She just sat there watching Niall and Amanda. She didn't seem angry or sad or happy or really anything. He just couldn't really sense anything. It seemed in sharp contrast to the girl Gemma, Lottie, and Lou were talking about constantly. They still brought her up. He walked over and sat down next to her.

Julie saw Harry cross the room, and she starting saying under her breath, don't come over here; don't come over here. Crap, she thought as he got closer, and she gasped slightly as he sat next to her. She wasn't quite sure what she felt, but she knew she didn't need a Harry Styles in her life right now if he made her feel that conflicted already, and they'd barely spoken.

"So when are we going to test your theory?" Harry asked Julie without even looking at her.

Julie closed her eyes and took a deep breath because she immediately knew what Harry was referring to ̶ how easy it was to get into his pants. "Are you ever going to let that go?" she asked opening her eyes.

He smiled and then looked at her. "Probably not." He laughed when her eyes widened. "It's an interesting theory. Probably easier for some than others." Harry teased.

Julie shook her head. "I have no doubt about that. Seriously though, that was definitely a conversation that wasn't supposed to get back to you. I'm sorry about it actually."

"There's really no need to be sorry. I will let it go. For now. If you tell me what's really going on in that pretty little head of yours." Harry said.

Julie looked up and again immediately regretted it as he caught her eyes. She couldn't look away. Oh no, don't do this; you can't fall for this guy. "Nothing, really." She tore her eyes away.

Wow, Harry thought, she's got such beautiful blue eyes. It's the first time she'd really let herself look him in the eyes. "I'm not buying it. Why not talk to me?"

Why not talk to you? Let me count the reasons, Julie thought. "I doubt what's going on in my head is something you really want to deal with on your very limited downtime."

"Seriously I'm intrigued. We could start talking about the theory again." Harry teased.

Julie shook her head in defeat. "Honestly, I don't even know. It's just one of those days. I should be ecstatic right now being done with my final. On my way to a great career. Getting what I wanted."

Harry nodded. "I mean, yeah, it should be a relief at least."

"But what if what you thought you wanted and worked so hard for, what if you aren't sure that's what you want anymore? What if after possibly accomplishing what you've worked hard for, for two years just feels, wrong?" Julie asked. When Harry gave her a shocked look, she continued. "See told you that you wouldn't want to deal with this. I'm a mess. Confused, conflicted, and possibly completely lost."

Harry twisted his lips in that cute way he does. "Well, what do you want to do then?"

Julie looked over at him; and since he wasn't looking at her, she let herself look a little longer then she should have. Be irresponsible, she thought. Go for the crazy irrational and totally bad for you things in life, like you. Let's test the theory, she thought and then laughed at herself. As if that was something that would go beyond teasing. "Right now? I'm dying for a Starbucks Frappe. I don't think I've slept in months. You know that feeling right?" She had to get off the subject.

Harry knew she was avoiding but was going to let her, for now. "Well then let's send someone for one. Can't have you dying on my watch."

The show was absolutely incredible that night as the girls were positive it always was. They could watch every show on every tour and never get sick of it. About 3/4's of the way through the show though, Niall stopped the show unexpectedly and addressed the crowd. "So as most of you know, about 2 months ago, while we were here on a brief break, I had an accident and hurt my knee. I had the most incredible experience in the hospital. If you're ever in need of hospital care, I suggest LA Memorial. And hope that Amanda and Julie are working. We are also lucky enough to have them here as our guests tonight. I'd like to invite them out here to say hi and say thank you the best way I know how. In front of all of you amazing people."

Julie and Amanda looked at each other, but neither moved. Julie just shook her head. No way was she going out there in front of all those people. "Um, girls?" They heard Niall say. "I know you're here somewhere."

Before they knew it, they were being pulled on stage ̶ Amanda by Liam and Julie by Louis. Amanda went mostly willingly. She was shocked, but it was such an incredible experience, she wasn't going to pass it up. Julie on the other hand was dragging her feet. "Louis! I don't want to do this!" Julie protested.

Louis put his arm around her shoulders. "You'll be fine; we got your back. Let Niall say his thanks. It won't take long." He continued to walk her out on stage.

Harry watched Louis walk Julie out on stage. He shouldn't care. It really shouldn't bother him, but it did. He wanted to do it. But he wasn't sure it was a good idea. He watched Louis place Julie next to Amanda and Niall and couldn't help but smile. She looked scared but mesmerized. It was almost like she explained earlier. Confused.

Niall put his arm around Amanda's shoulders. "Thanks Liam, Louis. Everyone, this is Amanda the best nurse out there. And next to her is Julie the best admissions person you could ever want to deal with. I just wanted to properly thank them for making it seem comfortable, even though it was probably the most uncomfortable I could have been." He hugged Amanda. "Hopefully, I can continue to thank you later and for a while yet." He whispered in her ear.

Amanda gasped and looked at him. Whoa. Did he just say that?. "I hope so too." She heard herself say.

He hugged Julie quickly and laughed as she told him she hated him again. "Seems to be a theme with you." He said.

"Well," Julie told him. "Stop making me." She looked out into the stadium. It was an unbelievable sight. And the sound was overwhelming. She couldn't believe the feeling. It was scary and completely fulfilling all at the same time. It was a complete buzz.

"So, we are gonna keep them out here while we sing this next song. It's called, One Thing." Niall said.

All of the guys were great, giving the girls attention and making them laugh and still entertaining the crowd. Niall tried to pay particular attention to Amanda, pulling on her hand and spinning her around. Amanda could not get the smile off of her face. She never felt so happy before. There was not a better feeling in the world than this.

Harry knew that if he paid too much attention to Julie, the fallout in the media, and all over social media would be fast and furious; and he was still trying to figure her out. But he was pretty sure she wouldn't appreciate that at all. He did know that it was time to make her aware that he was interested though. He needed to do something. She was proving quite difficult, bordering on stubborn. So when he saw Liam go over to Julie, he figured it was his time. If there were more than him with her, it wouldn't look so suspicious. During the line "get out, get out, get outta my head, and fall into my arms instead," he made sure he got her attention. He then made sure he looked directly into her eyes when he sang, "you've got that one thing, I need that one thing." Then even though he didn't want too, he moved onto another part of the stage away from her.

Julie's heart was pounding. Even though she was sure she was the only one who noticed that, and she was sure it was just a performance thing. Holy shit, this guy was good at what he did. No wonder he was loved by millions of girls. She glanced at Liam who was smirking at her. Ok, so apparently she wasn't the only one who noticed. She hoped it wasn't anyone other than Liam then. She playfully slapped at Liam who then laughed and grabbed her wrist and raised her arm in the air as the song ended. "Julie and Amanda everyone. Let's give them a big Directioner thank you for taking such good care of our little Niall when he wasn't well." He hugged Julie and walked her towards the edge of the stage. As she walked off, she looked up towards Harry who winked and pointed at her. She just shook her head as she finally got off the stage.

Niall hugged Amanda and kissed her cheek. "Yes, thank you so much for making a guy feel at home in the worst places you could end up really." He walked her off stage and kissed her on the lips quickly before going back out to finish the show.

Amanda walked up to Julie and put her head on her shoulder. "Can you believe this is our life right now?"

"Sure, you deserve a boyfriend like Niall, why couldn't it be you. I'm just along for the ride." Thanks for bringing me."

Amanda looked at JJ. She sure was clueless when it came to guys. She may not know everything either, but she could tell Harry was interested. How JJ couldn't pick that up amazed her. She knew better than to bring it up now though, because JJ would just argue every point she made, no matter how good of a point it was. "Sure JJ, we will just wait and see about that. But for now, you're welcome. I guess."

Julie just gave Amanda a look. What the hell did she mean by that any way? She turned her attention back to the show though. It was still the most amazing thing she ever saw.

Julie and Amanda were sitting back at the hotel after the show waiting for the guys to show up. They were in a big ball room with a bunch of other people including Lou, Lottie, and Gemma. When Julie got Amanda alone she finally asked. "Panda what were you talking about back at the arena? We will wait and see about what?"

"I don't know why you think you're just along for the ride. You can't be completely blind about this." Amanda said.

"Are you talking in code? You lost me quickly." Julie looked at her completely confused.

"Harry, JJ. Come on. You have that boy interested. Even you have to know that." Amanda admonished.

"Please Amanda. He likes to tease me about a conversation he should have never even heard about; that's it. Why in god's name would Harry Styles care either way about me?" Julie asked. Could it be true though? Was what was happening more than just the teasing and performing? No way. Not to her and not Harry Styles.

"You just have no clue, and it drives me insane. Stop thinking that way about yourself. Stop putting yourself down." Amanda said frustrated.

"I'm not, really. I'm perfectly fine the way I am. I'm also very realistic. I'm not Taylor Swift or Kendall Jenner material or anywhere near any supermodel material. That's not a put down; that's just the truth. And I'm ok with that. He could have any girl in the world. And I'm barely exaggerating about that. You already have Niall. Do you know how statistically unrealistic it would be for both of us to get a member of One Direction?" Julie countered.

"Sometimes you're so much fun JJ and act like such a normal girl, I forget how much of a stubborn frustrating brat you are! Just give him a chance." Amanda said.

"Don't you mean a chonce?" Julie laughed.

"I hate you." Amanda said, but couldn't help but laugh.

Gemma walked up to Julie as she was looking at some of Zayn's artwork he had scattered around. "He's pretty talented huh?"

"In many ways apparently." Julie said. "How are you Gemma?"

"I'm good. I'm sorry if Lottie and I embarrassed you yesterday. We just thought you were hilarious, and the guys have such a great sense of humor, so we thought they would enjoy it. We didn't mean to cause any trouble. My brother's a pretty good guy, ya know." Gemma said kindly.

"Honestly I shouldn't have said it. Especially in front of you." Julie said purposely not commenting on the last part of Gemma's statement.

"Oh, please. I thought it was funnier than anyone. Just maybe give Harry a chance he seems to think it's our fault you won't." Gemma said to her.

Great they were talking about her. Wait, he told her I won't give him a chance? We've never even... she couldn't even continue the thought. She was wracking her brain to figure out when he tried to get a chance. She'd only met him the day before. "Why does everyone keep saying that?" Julie said recalling the conversation she just had with Amanda.

"Because we are smart people JJ. Learn to live with it." Gemma scolded playfully as she walked away.

This is becoming way too much, Julie thought, as the guys came into the room. She put down the drawing she was holding when she heard Zayn behind her. "Like it?" He asked.  
She turned and smiled at him. "Very much. Not good enough for you to just be an amazing singer, huh? Have to be an amazing artist also?"

He smiled shyly. "It's just something to keep me grounded and sane on this crazy ride."

"I think it's incredible, Zayn. I'd hang any of it in my apartment." Julie complimented him.

"That's one of the biggest compliments I've gotten, thank you. Maybe we can make that happen someday." He said gratefully. They continued their conversation about his artwork.

Niall went straight over to Amanda and put his arms around her waist from behind. "How'd you enjoy the show?"

Amanda put her hands on top of his. "Best show ever. That was quite a surprise you threw at us. I'm still in shock all this is happening."

"Well get used to it. You deserve it. I hope you give me a chance to get to know you better after we leave. I know it will be hard, but I think it would be worth it." He said to her.

She looked back at him. "Of course, Niall. I'm just not quite sure how to take all this. It seems to be happening so fast."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I just know I will have to leave soon to finish this tour, and so I'm trying to fit as much into these few days as I can. That song wasn't a coincidence tonight. You've got that something, that one thing, and I just don't want to let it go." Niall said.

Well wasn't that just the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, Amanda thought. She turned around in his arms and put her arms over his shoulders. "I feel the same way." She said before she kissed him just a little longer and a little harder then all their previous kisses.

Harry stood across the room and watched Julie talking to Zayn. She looked so much more relaxed and at ease with Zayn than she ever did with him. That bothered him, a lot. It shouldn't since Zayn was engaged, and all they were talking about was his artwork; but he couldn't help it. She seemed to keep him at an arm's length, and yes, he knew it was only about 2 days since he'd first met her, and she'd been nothing but a pain in his ass; but he still couldn't get her out of his head. He thought about her non-stop. It bordered on annoying. Maybe it was because he wasn't used to someone being this aloof when it came to him. No, no matter what anyone said, not every girl wanted to be with him, and he had been turned down before. Something about the earlier conversation he'd had with her made him want to get closer to her. Make her feel like she was someone, even if she forgot who she was.

Still, Harry was glad she was talking to Zayn and encouraging him about his artwork. He, more than the other boys, got worn out by all the touring. Zayn was looking more relaxed and content talking to Julie than he had in a few weeks. Harry didn't know if Julie had picked up on that, but he felt sure that she had a kind heart. He wondered if she would be kind and encouraging to him if he needed it.

Harry watched as Louis walked closer to Julie and Zayn and then saw Louis grab his arm and crumple to the floor. In a second Julie had grabbed a napkin from the nearest table and yelled out for Amanda. He watched as Julie knelt next to him and put pressure on his arm while Amanda came over to help. He saw what looked like blood on Julie's hands and started to take a few steps closer.

"Not funny Louis!" Amanda said as she stood up.

Louis was laughing. "Look, we wanted to see the hospital staff in action. See how good you really were. Great response time by the way." Louis teased wiping the rest of the fake blood from his arm.

Julie stood up quietly and walked slowly over to the table. Not even saying a word.

"Oh crap," Amanda said. "Louis I'd get up and run if I were you."

"Uh, why?" Louis said still sitting on the floor laughing.

Niall stepped next to Amanda. "Yeah, why? You don't seem too upset and neither does Julie."

"You guys forget, you don't know her like I do. She's too quiet and calm. She's up to something." Amanda warned.

But it was too late. Before he knew what was happening, Julie had grabbed the bucket of ice from the table and walked over and dumped it over Louis's head. Louis screeched and jumped up and everyone laughed. Amanda and Niall jumped back so they wouldn't get wet. "Told you Louis." Amanda laughed. But Louis wasn't paying attention. He had grabbed a bottle of water and was ready to pour it on Julie; but Julie grabbed his wrist, and it spilled on him instead. Chaos ensued, and by the time it was done, both of them were soaked and laughing on the floor. Louis got up and helped Julie up. "Truce?" He called.

"I'm outta water so I guess." Julie said. They hugged and Louis went to change.

Harry watched the scene in front of him. Leave it to Louis to show that side of her again. The sassy, smart, fun side he knew she had but didn't always show. He walked over to Julie where she was trying to dry off with a towel Lou had given her. "Adventurous night?" He asked.

Julie looked up at him. She recalled everything from that night, from the show, to her conversations with Amanda and Gemma. She still didn't know what to think, but she had to try really hard to watch her reactions. She didn't want him to think she didn't like him at all. That wasn't the case. "Louis decided to be a smart ass. Thought he needed a little cooling off."

"I saw." He didn't know why, but he wasn't sure what to say.

"Guess I need to go home and change now. I'm just a little wet and now more than a little cold." Julie said.

Of course she would want to leave now that he had come over to talk to her. Up until that moment she was having a good time he thought. "Are you ever going to stop pushing me away? Keeping me at an arms distance? Don't think I can't tell what you're doing." He asked bluntly. He regretted it almost instantly, but it was too late to take it back.

"Wait? What?" Julie stammered. "Push you away from what? I don't know..." She stopped. She did know. And he was right. She was. Not on purpose, or maybe on purpose. He scared her already. In the moment she laid eyes on him in person she knew there was more to him than she wanted there to be. "No," she kinda laughed. "Probably not." She admitted.

He looked at her. She admitted it? Wow! Amazing he knew her for 2 days and knew that wasn't an easy thing. "Why?"

"Because, well you're Harry Styles." She said, as if that's all that needed to be said and made all the sense in the world.

"Yeah, my whole life." He said sarcastically.

"I really need to go change." She watched him throw his hands up. "No," she was going to regret this, she knew it, but she said it anyway. "Why don't you take me home, and maybe I can explain myself a little better. I really do need to get out of these clothes."

Harry stood there shocked. Did she just tell him to take her home? Seriously? Then she made the mistake of saying she needed out of her clothes. She needed to stop doing that to him. Of course she didn't mean anything by it, but he constantly thought about it. This girl was going to be the death of him yet and only 2 days in. "Ok, alright. But stop running from me. Please."

"I promise nothing." She smiled up at him. "Except that I will try."

Progress he thought. At least it's progress.

After Julie told Amanda Harry was giving her a ride home, Niall turned to Amanda. "Let's go back to my room. She seems to be in good hands now."

"Yeah, if she lets him, I think he wants something, but she's too damn hard-headed for her own good sometimes." Amanda told him.

Niall smiled at her. "Uh oh. Are we being a little overbearing?"

"No, don't say that. She could at least give him a chance. Maybe he could be good for her. She won't know if she doesn't let her guard down. That's all." Amanda said.

"I know. It's something she has to decide for herself though. Let's you and I worry about something else though." He said as he opens the door to his room. After he closes the door behind them, he pulled Amanda to him. "Is this ok with you? I just want to spend time with you. If you want to slow down, I'm ok with it."

Slow down? Yes. No. I don't know. She thought. She would give him just about anything right now. She also wanted to make sure this wouldn't be just a 1 stop thing. That he wouldn't move on to another city and forget about her. But he wouldn't right? I mean it was 8 weeks after his hospital stay that he did all this, so he'd thought about her for that long.

Niall could sense her hesitation. "Let's just talk then. There will be plenty of time for the rest. But lay with me."

Amanda climbed next to him on the bed and lay in his arms. She never felt so safe and secure. She would let whatever happened happen, but she was ok with just lying there talking the night away with him. They learned a lot more about each other until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

It was a long quiet ride home between Julie and Harry. They wouldn't let him go without a driver/body guard, so there was no way any conversation was going to be had with him in ear shot. When they got to her apartment, Harry dismissed the driver and told him he would call when he was ready to be picked up. Julie was nervous. Horribly so. She didn't know what she was going to say to him. The truth was just so hard. But here she was. She brought him here, so she had to do it. She unlocked the door, let him in and excused herself to shower and change. At least it would give her a few more minutes to gather her thoughts. When she came out she saw Harry lying on his stomach sprawled across her bed. Asleep. Harry Styles was in her bed. Sound asleep. This is the moment she should want to take a picture and put it all over social media right? Isn't that what everyone else would do? Well she wasn't everyone else. She didn't want to wake him up. She knew he must be tired with everything he did every day, and he looked so peaceful and so comfortable. And so damn hot lying there. She knew she was going to be in so much trouble if she let herself go there with him. But she was also tired of fighting the feelings that kept pulling her towards him. It was a slippery slope she had to try to figure out. She was exhausted too; but how was she going to sleep? He was all up in her bed. She stood there looking at him for a while and then said to herself, screw it. It's my bed, and we're both adults. She paused another minute but then lay down on the other side of the bed. She was in bed with Harry Styles. She laughed a little at that thought and closed her eyes.

Harry felt Julie lie down. He thought he was mistaken at first, but nope she was there. He didn't mean to fall asleep, but he definitely didn't expect her to climb in bed with him. He rolled over and propped his head up on his hand and looked down at her. "Talk to me, please."

She opened her eyes and was startled by how close he was. She started to sit up, but he gently pushed her back down. "You scare me." She said to him, simply as if again that's all that needed to be said and was perfectly clear.

"Scare you how?" He asked perplexed.

"This isn't supposed to happen to me. You aren't supposed to happen to me. I'm just a regular girl from the Midwest who moved to LA to pursue the American dream, which isn't working the greatest by the way. I'm having a hard time believing anyone, especially you, would even be remotely interested." She explained. "And the moment you touched me. That first hug. I knew it was over for me. You made me feel so much in the first 10 seconds, I got so confused."

"I don't know why you can't believe it. I'm just the same guy from the UK that I was 4 ½ years ago." He admonished.

"I can't pretend to compare to the likes of Taylor Swift and Kendall Jenner, Harry. And I know you don't want to hear that but it's true. I'm fine with whom I am, but I can't even come close to that." Julie said.

"Look how those turned out for me. I don't judge people like that. I was hoping you could see that." Harry sighed.

Julie felt bad. She didn't mean to judge him, but she did. Horribly. She shouldn't have. "No you're right." She reached up and played with the curl of hair by his ear without even realizing it. "I'm sorry."

Harry was caught off guard when she reached up for his hair. And she didn't even seem to realize she was doing it. That even made it even better. "I will forgive you. This time. And I'm sorry too." He said.

"For what?" Julie asked looking into his eyes.

"I just can't help myself anymore." He leaned down and kissed her. He meant it to be a short kiss, but when she started to kiss him back, he lost all control. What started out as an innocent kiss turned into a breathtaking long kiss even he wasn't expecting.

Julie was caught off guard when he kissed her. It took her a minute, but the feeling it gave her made her lose all her inhibitions. She kissed him back. She was breathless when they finally broke free. "Shit" she heard Harry say. She was feeling the same way. She felt him moving. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Giving you my pants. I was wrong. For you it would be super easy to get in them. Why even bother, I will just give them to you." Harry said.

"Harry!" Julie pushed at him. Before she knew it, he grabbed her arms and pulled her down to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Yeah, she was in trouble all right. Lots and lots of trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

Julie knocked on Niall's door later that afternoon.  Her night with Harry was incredible, and after everything, she had slept better than she had in a long time.  She wasn't sure if she was just that exhausted, or if it was having Harry there that helped.  She wasn't sure what was going on, but she decided to take what she could get with him while she could. Who cared what anyone else thought.  "Hey Niall, sorry to bother you guys, but I have to talk to Panda a minute please."

"Panda, so cute."  Niall said putting his shirt on.  'Come on in.  So had lots of people knocking on my door looking for Harry today.  Did you bring him back in one piece?"  Niall teased.

"Shut up Niall.  I think I..."  Julie started.

"Hate you."  Niall finished for her.  "Yeah, I've heard that before from you."  He laughed.  "I will leave you two to talk.  I'm going to shower."

Julie walked over to Amanda.  "I need the car keys, so I can take it to work.  I don't wanna take public transportation alone tonight please."

"Yeah, of course; but you're going to work?"  Amanda asked.

"Yes, Panda.  Adulting gets in the way again.  I assumed you wouldn't be.  If we both called in, you know they will call bullshit, since they knew where we were going the other night.  One of us has to go."  Julie said.  "Enjoy your time.  Besides you have more PTO then I have so better me go in."  Julie said.

"I can't believe you're really going to work.  How'd your talk go with Harry last night?"  Amanda asked curious.

"Fine, we worked through things."  Julie said and tried to turn away as she felt the heat fill her cheeks.  She didn't want Amanda to see her blush.

"Wait!  Why are you turning so red!?"  Amanda asked.

"No reason!  Stop looking at me like that!"  Julie said.  It was freaking her out.  It was almost as if Amanda could read her soul.

"OMG!  YOU DIDN'T!"  Amanda said loudly.  When Julie turned even brighter red, she knew she was right.  She looked at the bathroom door to make sure it was still shut and lowered her voice.  "You slept with Harry, didn't you?"  When Julie didn't answer she asked again. "Didn't you?"

"OMG Amanda, why are we having this conversation?"  She looked at Amanda's face and knew she was going to be pestered until she answered, and she was awful at lying, especially to Amanda.

Amanda took Julie's lack of answer as confirmation.  "OMG, you little slut you!"  Amanda teased laughing.

Only Amanda could get away with that.  "Shut up!  It's not like I don't feel whorish enough on my own.  I didn't expect it to happen.  Just kind of did.  That sounds like the most horrible excuse ever.  I've never done anything like that before.  And damn him for making me feel that way.  Don't tell Niall or anyone else for that matter."

"I wouldn't but it's not going to be too hard to figure out.  I'm sure Harry's pretty happy right now."  Amanda laughed again.  It really wasn't like Julie at all.  She never did anything without over thinking and over planning. It was almost a nice surprise, but, wow, did that take a fast turn.  She would barely speak to Harry last night before they left.

"Actually he's not exactly thrilled with me at the moment because I'm going to work.  I think he understands but would rather I just call in like you.  I'm not exactly thrilled either, but life tends to get in the way.  Enjoy the show and whatever else you do.  And I swear if you tell anyone anything, I will hunt you down."  Julie said as she grabbed the keys.  "Oh and Panda, it's not a bad thing you haven't slept with Niall yet.  You're building that relationship.  It's different because who knows what Harry and I have.  But maybe you should turn on the sluttiness just a little more."  Julie laughed and ducked when Amanda threw a magazine at her.  "Love you Panda; see you when I see you."  She walked out and closed the door behind her.

'Tell me you changed your mind."  Harry said walking up behind Julie.

She turned towards him.  "I can't."  She put her hands on his arms.  "Trust me Harry. I'd much rather be here."

"Then stay."  He said just short of begging.

"I'm sorry."  She stood on her tip toes and kissed him gently on the lips.  "I have to go.  I know it's your last show here, and I get you have to go after.  But this is what I do right now.  It may not be ideal, but I have my job just like you have yours."

"So this is goodbye.  Just like that.  In the hallway?"  Harry pouted.

"Are you pouting?  Seriously?"  she touched his cheek.  "Not goodbye.  A see you next time?  I don't know.  You will be back to LA sometime.  You can come see me then."

"I can see you then?   That's it?  After the night we just had.  Wow."  Harry said.  "Not even an 'I will call you'."

"Harry, come on now.  Don't be ridiculous.  You can call me, text me whenever you want."  Julie said to him.  Wow, he was laying it on thick she thought.

He smiled that dazzling smile.  "I can?"  He pulled her closer.  "Sounds better already."

"You can be such a little brat sometimes."  She laughed despite herself and kissed him a few more times.  She had to leave now though, or she may never leave.  "Ok I really have to go.  Let me have your phone."  She put her number in his phone, handed it back, and kissed him one more time.  "Whenever you want."  She said again as she walked away.  She didn't want to walk away, and she forced herself not to turn back around, because she might run right back to him.  She had to be realistic; she had to go back to her life.  She couldn't give everything up because of one amazing night with the man.  She hoped she got a chance for another one; but for now, she would take what she got, and if there's more then it only gets better.

Harry watched her walk away.  He didn't want her to leave.  He selfishly wanted her to stay one more night.  Like Amanda was for Niall.  He wasn't expecting the night he had with her last night, and it was amazing.  He had to talk to Niall, find out if he was staying the few days they had before the next show in AZ.  If Niall was staying, he was pretty sure he could convince them to let him stay too.  Just to see where it might lead.  Who knew where this would take them, but right now he was willing to find out.  Once you get through some of the brick wall Julie built, she was quite incredible.  He felt he needed to crumble a few more bricks though.  But now off to see how to get to stay.

Niall came out of the shower nice and clean.  "JJ's gone already?  Where'd she go?  Back to Harry?"

"She went to work."  Amanda said.  She still couldn't believe JJ had slept with Harry.  It was a shock, and she was almost jealous she hasn't with Niall yet.  She knew it was only a couple of days.  She knew JJ was right that she was building a relationship with Niall. But did that mean JJ didn't think she was with Harry?  That girl was completely mental sometimes.  To each their own though.  She was glad JJ finally gave into Harry, and she hoped it worked out, especially since she was the one who had told her to give Harry a chance.

"Really?  I thought Harry would have asked her to stay."  Niall said.

"He did.  She told him she couldn't.  Adulting sucks, but she had to go to work.  Said we couldn't both call in or they would be onto us.  She will cover for me."  Amanda told him.

"She told him no.  Wow.  But she saved the day for us again.  She may tell me she hates me, but I think I may like her quite a bit," Niall laughed.  "Let's go play some golf."  He laughed at the look on Amanda's face.  "We have some putting greens and some screens here.  I will teach you; don't worry."

Amanda and Niall spent the next few hours playing golf.  Kind of.  Niall did his best to teach Amanda, but they got distracted a lot.  Especially when he stood behind her to help her swing.  They spent most of the time laughing and flirting and kissing.  When it was time for Niall to go get ready for the show, he pulled her into a long, hot kiss.  "Tonight?  Hotel?  You and me?"  He said.

She nodded but couldn't say a word.  That kiss was the most amazing kiss she had ever experienced.  Tonight would be the most incredible night she ever had.  She already knew that.  She couldn't believe she was saying this, but she couldn't wait for the show to be over!

Julie finished what seemed like the longest shift of her life.  Also one of the worst and most exhausting. They were shorthanded, so she got to work on her nursing skills, which she should be grateful for, but she was thrown up on and had multiple things spilled on her.  After that night she thought she was better off staying in admissions; at least she stayed semi-clean.  She didn't know how Amanda did it every night.  She slowly made her way to the parking garage and the car.  When she got closer, she saw someone leaning against it.  When she saw Harry push himself off the car to stand up and greet her, she couldn't believe it.  She looked around; if anyone saw him, things would get crazy fast.  "What are you doing here?  What if someone sees you?"

"Nice to see you too.  And no one saw me I was smuggled in here and who cares if they do?"  Harry asked leaning in to kiss her.

"I do."  Julie said, but she let him kiss her, quickly though.  "I'm not ready for that at all.  I don't even want to think about it honestly."  She noticed more and more people starting to come out of the hospital after their shifts.  "Let's get out of here.  I thought you were going to be on your way to the next show by now."  She unlocked the car, but Harry took the keys from her.  She was going to protest but was too afraid people would start to notice, so she just got in the passenger side.

"We have a couple of days between shows, so Niall and I stayed. We are going to meet everyone in Newport Beach. There's a private beach area there. Niall, Amanda, and a few other people that stayed will be there." Harry said as he started to drive out of the garage.

"Harry, I see two things wrong with that."  She leaned her head back on the head rest and looked over at him.  "One I have nothing to wear at the beach as I just left work, and two, I just left work, and I am completely exhausted."

"Amanda, Lottie, Gemma, and Lou were going shopping this morning, and Amanda said they would get you something, and you can rest at the beach.  Promise I won't let you burn if you fall asleep.  I will help with your sunscreen."  Harry grinned.

She couldn't help but smile and shake her head.  "I have to work tonight too you know; this is probably not a very good idea."

"Most of the best times start out as very bad ideas."  He smiled at her.

She was too tired to argue, and it did sound like fun.  She did just want to go home to bed, but part of her didn't want to miss spending time with him either.   Plus if she did talk him into taking her home, he would probably want to stay, and she knew where that would lead.  She already was kicking herself for sleeping with him already, so she figured she better avoid him and beds for a while.  "Ok, but under one condition only."  Julie said.

"Anything" He said.  "Well, almost anything."

"You have to feed me first.  I'm starving."  Julie said.

He laughed.  "I can probably manage that.  Do I get to take you out?"

"Uh, I'm not paparazzi ready.  I don't think I will ever be paparazzi ready.  So drive through or take out only."  Julie shook her head at him.

"Figured I'd ask. But you need to get used to it."  Harry countered.

"No, I don't. "  Julie argued.

"You are so stubborn.  But once again, for now, I will let it go.  Food and then fun.  That's my goal for today."  Harry looked over at her.  She looked tired; maybe he should've just taken her home, but she didn't fight too hard coming with him, so she must want to.  He wouldn't have minded spending the day at her apartment with her either though.  In bed with her.  Maybe later he thought.

Niall took the bags from Amanda's hands.  "Well, I guess the girls showed you a good time.  Look at all this stuff."  He laughed.

"It's for me and JJ.  They wouldn't let me pay for a thing though.  Said you and Harry covered it.  Um, totally not necessary."  Amanda admonished him.

"Maybe not, but we wanted too.  No scolding me; it's hardly a big deal."  Niall said.

"I can scold you."  Amanda laughed.  "And it is a big deal, but I feel for you and Harry when JJ finds out."

"Yeah she's a bit hard-headed isn't she?"  Niall asked.  "Do you think Harry actually talked her into coming?"

"She's a strong independent woman,"  She laughed when Niall gave her a look.  "And extremely stubborn, but hey, we've been taking care of ourselves for so long.  We should be.  And I'm not sure.  She's gotta be exhausted, and I'm sure once again she won't call in tonight, so she will have to work tonight.  I hope she gives in though.  Spends time with him."  Although she's already gotten further than I have, Amanda thought to herself.  I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever get there.  She thought it was going to happen last night, but it didn't.  She knew it had only been a few days, but dammit, Julie and Harry...she tried to stop herself from going there. They weren't her and Niall, and she was having a great time with him.  And man, she hoped it would happen.  Can't force it though, she thought.  But damn, how JJ got some action before her.  She was fighting Harry at every turn, and then BAM, just like that.  So not her friend.  She had a feeling Harry might inspire that feeling in many people, but she was honestly surprised it got JJ that quickly.  I wonder how hard she's being on herself for it, Amanda continued to think to herself.

"Um, babe?"  Niall said putting his arms around her.  "Am I interrupting?  You look lost deep in thought.  Anything I can help you with?"

Yes!  She wanted to scream.  Why haven't you tried anything beyond kissing and a little touchy feely?  She smiled though knowing she would never say it or force it for him.  She did love just spending time with him.  "Just thinking. It's all good."  She leaned in and gave him a kiss.  Pulled back, looked him in the eye, and then kissed him again.  Longer and harder this time.  She pulled back slightly and kept her eyes closed.  Wow.  The feeling was amazing.

Niall just watched her standing there in front of him with her eyes closed.  She was so beautiful.  He was falling hard and fast.  He didn't want it to seem like just a one night stand or a few days' stand though, so he was fighting himself not to just take her to bed.  It was a battle he wasn't sure he could win much longer.  Not when she kissed him like that.  He rubbed her back gently and pulled her into a tighter hug.  He wasn't quite sure where they were, but he was hoping they would figure it out and be able to work through it and at least give a relationship a try.

When Julie walked into the beach house with Harry, Amanda ran up and hugged her.  "I'm so glad you decided to come.  Sorry Harry, but I'm stealing her for a while."  She intertwined her arm in Julie's and walked her to the other room to get ready for the beach with her.

"Of course."  Harry said.  "I wouldn't try to stop you. Even I know better than to try to stop the two of you."  He laughed and then turned to Niall.  
"Things are good, eh lad?"  He asked.

"Yeah.  She's a keeper."  He joked.  "It may finally be time when I get some before you.  Oh, come on!"  Niall protested when he saw the look on Harry's face.  "No way!  Not that one!"  Harry just kind of shrugged.  "What the fuck.  I could've sworn she would've given you a harder time.  So not fair."  Niall laughed. He would have never thought JJ would have given into Harry that quickly.  He should learn to never underestimate the power of Harry Styles, he thought.  But then again, Harry was different with her.  He seemed protective and just, different.  He was a great guy; Niall knew that. Loved everyone, and treated everyone the same.  Which is why he was so loved and why he somewhat deserved his ladies' man reputation.  But Harry was always honest.  Never led anyone on.  Maybe JJ would be different.

When Julie walked into the room she saw all the bags.  "What's all this?"

"Presents."  Lottie said.  She, Gemma, and Lou, with her daughter Lux, were already changed and ready to go.  "We got you beach wear and something to wear after."

"There're a lot of bags for that.  But how much do I owe you? And who do I owe?"  Julie asked.

Amanda tried to stop them from telling her by waving her hands at them, but it didn't work.  Gemma told her anyway.  "Nothing, Harry and Niall got all of it for you and Amanda."

Crap, Amanda thought.  She was having a hard time accepting the gifts, and she was the easy one.  What was JJ going to do?  She was shocked when JJ said,  "That was awful nice of them."  She was sure there was going to be some sort of argument, but there wasn't.  At least not now.  What was going on with JJ?  Just go with it, Amanda, don't borrow trouble.  
Amanda handed JJ her bags.  "Go put your suit on.  Lottie picked it all out."

Julie pulled the bikini out of the bag and stared at it.  "Um, oh hell no, I'm not putting this on.  I wear more than this under my clothes."  Julie set it down.  "You people are insane if you think I can pull that off.  Seriously now, joke's over, where's my real stuff?"

Amanda laughed she had warned Lottie that JJ wouldn't go for it, but Lottie insisted.  Amanda knew it would fit her, but JJ was conservative beyond what she needed to be.  She was a beautiful girl who just didn't see it.  She was on Lottie's side, but she wasn't going to say that out loud.

Lottie picked it up and handed it back to her.  "This is your real stuff.  Put it on.  It will look great on you with your color and eyes.  I promise."

"It won't fit.  Where's the rest of it?"  Julie said.  "There's no way I can get into that."

"Amanda told us your size, and I'm pretty good at this.  It will fit.  Put it on."  Lottie insisted.

JJ gave Amanda a look that said thanks friend without saying a word.  She walked into the bathroom and put it on.  It fit, and she couldn't stop staring at herself in the mirror.  She didn't wear things like this.  It was way too much.  She should just take it off.  She put her shorts and tank top over it and came out.  Amanda looked amazing in her bikini.  She was going to drive Niall insane looking like that.  Lottie sure knew what she was doing when she picked out Amanda's.  JJ was so glad she met Amanda when she first moved to LA.  She got the job at the hospital, and Amanda had just started there a few months before and was looking for a roommate.  LA was expensive; it helped both of them to move in together.  It wasn't long before they were basically inseparable.  They had a lot in common but enough differences to help each other through each other's toughest situations.  She smiled at Amanda.  "You look incredible."

"I thought you were putting yours on?"  Amanda asked.

"I did."  She continued when Amanda looked at her.  "I still have it on.  Under the shorts and shirt.  They cover a little more at least."

"Come on.  Let us see."  Amanda said.  She got an agreement from the other girls.

Julie sighed and lifted her shirt.  She wasn't going to win against four of them.  She unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down slightly so they could look.  She dropped her shirt and put her shorts back on almost as quickly.

"Why?  You look amazing."  Amanda said.  "Seriously.  I don't know why you hide so much."

Julie just shrugged and walked over to get the other stuff ready to go out to the beach.

Lottie gave her a look.  "You're going to have to take it off eventually."

Julie just shook her head and packed up her bag.

Niall looked at the clock.  What is taking those girls so long, he thought to himself.  They were wasting sunlight.  He wanted to get in the water and get on the jet skis and just have a fun day off with Amanda.  He and Harry were waiting outside for everyone else.  They were ready within 10 minutes.  He would never understand girls.  When he heard the door open, he turned around.  His jaw dropped immediately upon seeing Amanda. She looked so hot!  The bikini she had on fit her perfectly.  The color and style complimented every part of her.  She was a beautiful woman, no matter what she was wearing; but to see her like this.  If he was fighting himself before, he knew he was going to lose now.  He wanted this girl badly.  He couldn't be more attracted to her. He was learning so much about her, and she was a beautiful person in her soul which made her so much more beautiful to him every time he looked at her.  He walked over to her and touched her cheek.  "Wow. Doesn't seem enough but it's all I got.  You look absolutely amazing."

Amanda smiled and blushed slightly.  Would she ever get used to him talking to her like that?  He was such a great guy.  Forget he was Niall Horan from One Direction.  He was just an amazing guy.  "Thanks.  Lottie did the picking.  She's good.  You don't think it's too much?  Or too little I should say?"

"Not at all.  You look amazing.  You're always beautiful though, so I shouldn't be surprised."  He kissed her.  "Let's get going to the water.  They have jet skis. I'm dying to take you out on one."

"You're making me blush.  Stop."  Amanda said, but she smiled at him.  "Yes!  That sounds like so much fun!  Let's go."  They walked hand and hand towards the water.

Harry had to admit Amanda looked damn good in that bikini.  Niall was a lucky man.  He couldn't help but laugh when Julie came out behind everyone, hair tie in her mouth, pulling her hair back into a pony tail.  Everyone else had their swimsuit on, and of course, she came out in shorts and shirt.  He should have known.  He walked up to her.  "Did they forget to get you a swimsuit?"  He asked.

She took the hair tie out of her mouth and finished putting her hair up.  "Apparently, you could only afford half the material, so they must've left the other half at the store."  Julie said.  "You shouldn't have done that by the way.  I could've bought my own things."

Harry couldn't help but laugh out loud.  She was such a smart ass but for some reason he enjoyed that part of her.  Probably too much.  He knew she would have something to say about him buying her the clothes too, but he accepted it.  "I wanted too.  It's not like it's that much.  And I'm sure I can afford a whole swimsuit."

Lottie walked by.  "It has all its material.  You're the one who had to cover it up.  I stand by my purchase."  She said with confidence.

"So you do have one on."  Harry said pulling at her shirt.  "Come on.  Let's see."

She slapped his hand away.  "No. Not now.  Maybe not ever."

"You know you've already had on less in my presence."  He said quietly to her, remembering the time they spent together.

Julie immediately turned away.  She was still angry with herself for that, and he had to bring it up.  She didn't want to be his LA booty call of the moment, but that's how she felt.  She should have waited, and she knew it.  "I don't want to talk about that.  And it was dark, and yeah, I just don't wanna talk about that."

He grabbed her hand when she went to walk away.  "Wait. I think we need to talk about this."  He wasn't expecting that reaction from her.  He thought they were great together.  Ok, maybe it happened quicker then he thought it would; but they were going to come together at some point, he was sure of it.  He had no regrets, no second thoughts.  He didn't think she did either, but now he wasn't so sure.  "You regret it, don't you?"

"Harry, please."  She glanced at his face and saw he wasn't going to give into her this time.  She had to be careful how she worded this.  She didn't want to hurt him.  "I wouldn't say regret.  I may question the timing.  Maybe didn't make the best judgement call."

"I thought we were pretty great together."  He had to admit it stung a little hearing that.

She saw the hurt in his eyes, but he covered it quickly.  She reached up and touched his lips with her fingers.  She couldn't believe she was going to say this or have to give Harry Styles an ego boost, but it was the truth.  And she meant it when she didn't want to hurt him.  "You never have to question that.  Never.  The way you made me feel had nothing to do with it.  It happened very quickly and it's just so out of character for me.  You're dangerous for me, Harry.  I'm not sure I like it."  But she sure liked the feeling in the moment and the feelings he gave her when they were near each other.  It was all overwhelming for her though.  She wasn't quite sure how to deal with that.

He kissed her fingers.  "I don't want you to regret it at all."  He cupped her cheek and caressed it with his thumb.

"Not regret Harry.  Not like that.  Can we just go have fun?  If you insist, we can talk about this later."  Like way later she thought.  Or maybe never.  How was she supposed to admit to him she thought that she was just a temporary stop.

"Yeah, ok, but we will continue this.  I won't give this up forever."  He said taking her hand and walking her down the beach.

Dammit, she thought.  She could still hope he'd forget though.  She set her stuff on the chair when they got down by the water.  Amanda and Niall were already racing around on the jet ski while everyone else was in the water.  It looked like so much fun.  She saw Harry removing his shirt and knew he would want her to go in with him.  That meant she had to remove her clothes though, and she wasn't sure she wanted to do that.  Everyone else looked so amazing.  She once again didn't want to try to compete.  She knew she was being ridiculous.  It was a swimsuit, and they were at the beach, but she was always self-conscious.  She took a deep breath and decided she just had to do it.  She grabbed the bottom of her shirt but paused, rethinking taking it off.

Harry watched but didn't say anything.  He could tell she was contemplating joining everyone else in the water.  He gasped when she finally took off her shirt.  Yes, he knew he had been with her already, and he'd felt her body; but it was dark, and even though he knew he liked what he felt, he didn't know seeing it would catch him so off guard.  He had no idea why she questioned it at all.  When she turned around and took her shorts off, he almost lost it.  She had a tattoo on the small of her back.  He didn't know that either.  He had to see it closer.  When she stood and faced him he put his hands on her hips.  "I have no idea why you question how beautiful you are.  You look incredible.  And that tattoo I wanna see it."  He turned her around and touched it with his fingertips.  He smiled when she stiffened up at his touch. A small black celestial sun with a moon and stars in it. "One day, you'll have to explain the meaning of it to me."

She hated the way his touch made her react every damn time.  She didn't want to be so affected by it.  She tried to hide her reactions, but she couldn't. Her body had a mind of its own.  "Yeah, sure, someday."  She was so flustered, she didn't know what to say.

The rest of the morning was filled with lots of fun and laughter.  Everyone seemed to let go of their stress and worries and just have a good time with each other.  Niall even started a water fight with Julie, which of course ended in her telling him she hated him.  Niall laughed every time he got that reaction from her.  It was his goal to have her tell him that at least once every time they saw each other.  It was quickly becoming their thing.  He needed to make sure he became friends with her as well, because he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with Amanda if he didn't also treat her friend with respect. He could tell JJ, as Amanda always called her, was very important in her life, and she would want whomever she was dating to be friends with her. It wasn't hard though.  She wasn't hard to like.  She was a smartass but also very sweet. He didn't know if he could be Harry though and deal with it all the time.  Harry, however, seemed to enjoy her sassiness.  All the power to him.  He straight up enjoyed the fact that Harry was interested in Amanda's best friend.  It should probably make it a little more difficult, but he felt it would be easier to get Amanda to travel to see him if Julie also came to see Harry.  And vice versa.  Seemed they were a package deal anyway, and he didn't need two.  He laughed at the thought.  No, he definitely didn't need that.

Amanda watched Niall and JJ messing around and was truly happy to see them get along.  Even though JJ made it a point to tell him she hated him every chance she got, she knew it meant she liked him.  She would worry when JJ stopped saying it actually.  She's been told on multiple occasions JJ hates her.  It's just her way, and Niall seemed to understand that right from the start.  She was relieved, because she wanted them to get along. It would be super hard to be in a relationship with him or anyone for that matter, if JJ didn't like them or get along with them.  Her opinion mattered, and even though it wouldn't determine if she was in that relationship, it was still important.  She was so glad she didn't have to deal with it though.  It was also nice to see JJ let loose a little.  She was so uptight, sometimes so stressed out, she worried way too much about things she shouldn't.  Way too much about what people think or say.  What she should or shouldn't do.  She actually had a huge heart, but she barely let anyone in to see it.  She had a feeling Harry would come to that conclusion very quickly, if he hadn't already.  She hoped he was patient enough to realize that, even though JJ was tough, she was worth the wait.  Give her the time and opportunity, and JJ would love you with all she had and do anything in her power to make sure you were ok and happy. Sometimes to her own demise.  Amanda laughed. Wow her friend was difficult.  But she loved every difficult part of her. She looked up as she felt Harry's arm go around her shoulders.

"What are we going to do with the two of them?"  he asked nodding towards Niall and Julie.

Amanda laughed.  "Honestly, I think I will just let them have it out.  Long as JJ is telling him she hates him.  It's all good."

"Yeah, she's a bit complex, huh?"  He asked a little dejected. He recovered quickly though.  He didn't want to concern Amanda.  "You seem to be making my little Irish friend pretty happy though.  I can speak on behalf of all the guys that we think it's great.  We are all a little protective of him."

"Thanks."  Amanda blushed.  "He's pretty great."  She caught his tone when speaking about JJ though.  She wasn't sure she should bring it up or not.  She wanted to make sure he wasn't giving up on her but didn't know if it was her place.  She had to say something though.  "Everything ok?  You sounded a little perplexed with JJ."

He tightened his arm around her shoulder.  "Yeah, just some issues as usual.  Things I guess we need to talk about.  She caught me off guard earlier with her reaction to something.  I wasn't expecting it to be that big of a problem."

Amanda just nodded; she already knew what it was about.  She knew he'd figured out JJ wasn't sure sleeping with him was a good idea.  She also didn't think she should mention she knew what he was talking about.  She didn't know how he would react to her knowing they'd slept together.  "She's hard on herself.  She has all these unrealistic expectations.  She says out loud she's not perfect and doesn't try to be, but her actions speak different.  She tries really hard to be perfect in whatever situation she's in.  She has very high standards for herself, and it's sometimes hard to watch, mostly because she would never have anyone else try to live up to them.  She will never be easy Harry, but in the end, she would be worth the struggle.  Just my opinion though."

He smiled down at Amanda.  "She's lucky to have you.  Thanks for trying to explain.  I'm good though, no worries.  I'm not walking away."  Just yet, he thought.  Wait, where did that come from?  He couldn't wait to get with her 2 seconds ago and now he questioned it?  All because she wasn't sure she made the right decision sleeping with him so quickly.  Yeah, Harry, nice thoughts.  He pushed the doubts aside as quickly as they crept in.  He wanted her, so there were no problems.  Right?

"Ok, ok, ok!"  Julie said to Niall.  "You win I give up!"  She climbed on his back to get him to stop.

"What?  I didn't think it was in your DNA to give in.  Especially to me, or any guy for that matter."  Niall said grabbing her legs and giving her a piggy back ride out of the water.

"Good thing I don't think of you as just any guy then, huh?"  Julie said as he put her down.  "Panda wants to keep you around, so I'm stuck with you."

"Thanks, I think."  He laughed.  "Why do you call her Panda?"

Julie shrugged.  "Not sure, started it awhile back and it just kinda stuck.  I very rarely call her Amanda.  In fact, if I do, she assumes I'm mad at her or frustrated with her.  Which I suppose I am."  Julie laughed.  "You better be good to her Niall.  You think I'm difficult to deal with now.  See what happens if you hurt her."

"You?  Difficult?  Who could possibly think that?"  He said faking shock.  He didn't want to find out the wrath of JJ if he hurt her beloved Panda though, so he was going to try his damndest not to.  Not that he wanted to hurt her anyway.

Julie just gave him a look when she grabbed her towel.

"Yes, yes, you hate me.  I hate you, too."  He said as he smiled and walked away.

"Get your arm off the girl mate."  Niall said as he walked up to Harry and Amanda.

"Hey, I didn't bug you when you were messing with the other."  Harry teased Niall and kept his arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, she's all yours now.  Thanks for sharing."  Niall teased back.  "But seriously, let go of the girl."  He tried to be serious and hide his laughter.

"Yeah, Yeah, Niall.  Back off the girl.  Got it!"  Harry leaned down and kissed Amanda's cheek.  "Thanks for the talk beautiful.  Watch out for this guy."  He slapped Niall in the shoulder, winked, and walked away.

Niall laughed and put his arms around Amanda.  "So, have you had a good time so far?"

"Yes absolutely it's been a dream.  Wish it didn't have to end."  Amanda said looking up at him.

"Well, today may have to end, and maybe this break, but we can always anticipate the next time.  The fun doesn't have to end today."  Niall told her.

She smiled at him.  "Yeah?  I like the sounds of that.  I wouldn't want this to be over before it even had a chance.  I really enjoy spending time with you."  Amanda said almost shyly.

"Good, I was hoping you might say that."  He leaned down and kissed her.  Longer and deeper than he ever had before.  "You ready to rest a little?  I think we should go out tonight.  They did buy some evening wear for you, right?"

She was breathless when they separated.  She couldn't speak at first.  Wow.  She nodded and then managed to speak.  "Yeah, where are you taking me?"

"Well, we are all going to a VIP part of this amazing restaurant that a couple of our friends own.  It will be loads of fun."  He promised.

Great Amanda thought.  It would be fun, but she thought they would be spending the night together.  She was getting so frustrated.  She was jealous of Harry and JJ, and she wanted to scream at Niall, but she wouldn't.  Not yet. In due time.  "Sounds great."

Julie sat down on the edge of the chair. She was so exhausted, and she was fading fast.  She put her face in her hands and rubbed her forehead.   Harry sat down next to her.  "Hey, you seem like you're spent.  Wanna go back to the beach house and lie down?"  He asked rubbing her shoulder.

"I have to work in a few hours. I'm afraid if I go to sleep, I'm never going to wake up."  She said still with her head in her hands.

Harry was disappointed.  Once again, he didn't want her to go to work.  He wanted her to stay with him.  "I will make sure you get up on time if you insist on going to work again."  He wanted to spend the night with her again.  They had a lot to talk about.  He couldn't leave it like this, and before he knew it, he and Niall would have to leave.

"Ok.  I'm not sure I can move though."  She leaned her head against his shoulder.

He stood up and took her hands.  "C'mon let's get you some sleep."  He walked her to one of the bedrooms in the pool house.  "You shower and change here, and I will use the other shower.  I will be back to tuck you in."  He squeezed her hand and left.

Julie got in the shower.  Great, Harry and a big, comfortable bed.  This is what got her in trouble in the first place. Maybe if she hurried she could be asleep before he came back.  That way, it wouldn't be so tempting.  She showered quickly and changed.  She thought she had pulled it off, but Harry walked in right as she was climbing into bed.  Shit!  She thought.  This was exhausting. She was mad at herself for sleeping with him, but it took everything in her power to fight her own body when she was with him.  She lay down on one side of the bed and pulled the soft white comforter over her.  She took a deep breath when she felt him slip into the bed beside her.  "Just want to hold you while you fall asleep."  He said quietly to her.  She felt his arm wrap around her and even though she had her back to him, she could sense his every breath.  She closed her eyes tighter as a tear rolled down her cheek.  She didn't want him to sense her crying though.  She put her hand over his and willed herself to fall asleep in his arms.

Julie woke up with a start.  She sat up and rubbed her face.  What time was it?  It was dark out.  That meant she was late.  Very late.  Harry said he would make sure she got up.  Wtf!  She jumped out of bed to get her stuff and heard Harry coming back into the bedroom.  "You promised you would get me up in time to go to work.  It's dark so I know I'm late.  Not nice Harry!"

"Hey."  He grabbed her from behind.  "Amanda insisted I let you sleep.  She....."

Julie interrupted him.  "Well she has no right..."

Harry put his fingers up to her lips.  "She called and got someone to take your shift.  She said that if she couldn't find anyone, she would wake you; but she made one phone call, and said it was covered for the next two nights."

"She can't just do that."  She said exasperated.  She pulled away from him and sat at the edge of the bed.  She put her head in her hands again. She was so tired she could barely put together a sentence.

"She was just trying to help.  You're exhausted.  You can't keep running yourself so thin."  He said.

She shook her head in her hands and then looked up at him.  "I wouldn't be if someone wouldn't have kidnapped me."  She couldn't help but smile slightly at him.  "You are so bad for me."  She twisted her lips at him.  "I'm going back to bed then."

"First dinner.  You have to eat.  Get dressed. Lottie has your outfit.  I promise I will have you home in your own bed as soon as we are done eating.  Scouts honor" He said.

"Harry, were you ever a scout?  Or a UK version of a scout?"  she asked.

He laughed.  "No, but I stand by my promise."


	5. Chapter 5

"Ahhh, hmmm" Niall and Harry heard Lottie say. "Lou and I usually only have you ugly blokes to work our magic on. Today I am proud to say we have some real beauties to fix up. Meet your dinner dates."

Niall stood up and watched Amanda walk down the stairs. She looked stunning. A beautiful black dress that hugged her body perfectly. Her hair and makeup done beautifully. He was speechless.

Amanda felt Niall's eyes on her the whole time she walked down the stairs. She had to concentrate not to fall she was so nervous. She felt his gaze so intently; she didn't know what to think or how to feel. She walked up to him. He looked incredible he was dressed in nice grey suit and jacket. White shirt with no tie. God he was a good looking man. She took his hand when he reached for her.

He looked her up and down. "I'm gonna have to keep my eye on you tonight every guy in the building is going to want to talk to you." He kissed her and looked at her again. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

Harry stood up and took a few steps towards the stairs. He could see Julie at the top, but Lou was fixing her hair. When she thanked Lou and walked towards the stairs, he was shocked again. She took his breath away. She was wearing a long light blue dress cut modestly low. And even though it fell to her ankles, it had a very high slit on one side, so that every time she took a step down, you could see her thigh. Her hair and makeup done perfectly by Lottie and Lou. Every time he saw her in a different look, she amazed him.

Julie slowly walked down the stairs. She had to hold her dress up slightly so she didn't step on it and trip. She could wear heels, but these were higher and thinner then she was used too. She loved the dress; it wasn't something she would have ever bought on her own, but it was beautiful. Lottie really was good at what she did between the dress and the make up she felt almost like star. Add to that, the hair Lou did. She never felt so pretty. She was sort of uncomfortable with that thought though. Harry looked amazing as usual. He had on tight black jeans and a black button down shirt with the top couple of buttons open. Trademark boots on his feet. She slid her hand into his at the bottom of the stairs.

"That dress is amazing." He said to her spinning her around slowly to look at her. She got his blood pumping. He could hardly stand it.

"Good thing you like it, cuz it's yours. You bought it; so next time you get to wear it." She smiled innocently at him.

"Oh, that innocent thing won't work. I know you better than that already. But that dress is all yours. There is no one on earth who would look better in it." He complimented.

Sure Julie thought. Like half your ex-girlfriends with the long legs and model bodies. She didn't say anything though. He was being sincere, and even though it was in her nature to put that wall up, she fought it. "Thank you. That's very kind." She smiled up at him. She wasn't sure she wanted to go to this restaurant with him. She was afraid of paparazzi and fans. She was barely ready to admit to herself this was happening with Harry Styles; she wasn't ready for the world to know. She did not want to become the girl the world hated right now. "Harry, I know we got all dressed up, I put the dress on, let them pamper me. It's lovely, but do we have to go to the restaurant? Can you just take me home instead?" She saw that look in his eyes so she continued. "We can grab take out, curl up on the couch, and watch netflix or something. I want to spend tonight with you, but I'm just not ready for the public outing."

At first, he started to get a bit upset when she said she didn't want to go out. But after she explained she wanted to be with him, just not out in the middle of a potential paparazzi shit storm, he understood. He smiled at her. "You know what. I think that's a great idea. I get to pick what side of the couch I want first."

Julie went over and hugged Amanda. "We aren't going to the restaurant. Harry's gonna take me home. Take out, Netflix and chill. I am not ready for the media storm that will come from anyone catching him with me. You look positively smashing tonight. And even though I didn't ask and can't believe it, you just did it. Thanks for covering my shift for me. Love you Panda."

Amanda hugged her back. "Too hard to just say thanks, huh?" she laughed. "You look gorgeous. I can't believe you're wasting that dress. Every eye would have been on you."

"Good thing I'm not coming then, so all eyes can be on you." Julie winked at her friend. "And I didn't waste it. Harry bought it. And he's the only one that I care sees it right now. It's what he wanted, so figured it wouldn't hurt to put it on."

Amanda shook her head. "You think you're so funny." She glanced up at Harry who was still watching JJ. I can only imagine what he really wants to do with that dress, she thought. She wished Niall wanted to do what she was sure Harry was thinking. Wish he wanted to get me out of this dress.

Harry was glad they weren't going out. He heard Amanda when she told her that all eyes would be on Julie tonight, and she was right. He wasn't sure if he could handle it. No, right now he just wanted his own eyes on her. It would get chaotic if people found out he was with someone. Serious or not, they would run with any story.

Julie hugged Niall. "You look great. Remember though, I will be paying close attention. Treat her right friend." Julie pointed to her eyes and then his like I got my eyes on you.

She grabbed her bags and went to carry them to the car, but Harry wasn't having any of that. He took them from her hands gently. "Harry, I can carry my own bags."

"I know you can, but when I'm around, you don't have to." When she gave him a look, he smiled and said, "Ok ,so I bought most of it, at least let me carry it to the car."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You think you're so cute."

He laughed and put the bags in the trunk. He got in the driver's seat and watched Julie trying to sit in the dress. She was having a hard time getting the dress to cover correctly in the seat. The slit wanted to show off more leg then she wanted to. He could tell, because she kept trying to pull it together over her thigh. He watched intently but didn't say anything. When she caught him staring he just smiled at her. He couldn't help it. No matter what she thought, or anyone else thought, HE thought she was the most beautiful thing he'd laid eyes on. He heard her exclaim. "Oh I give up." He laughed. "I was hoping you would. It covers enough and shows enough too," he said as he put his hand just above her knee. When she shuddered at his touch, he hid a smile. She wouldn't take too kindly to his thoughts right now. He was trying to behave, but it sure was hard.

She watched his hand inch slightly higher on her thigh. She couldn't take it. She was trying really hard not to jump back into bed with him, but his touch did things to her she'd never felt before. She put her hand on his to stop it from sliding up any further. She felt him squeeze her leg and looked over at him. He was looking at the road driving, but she swore she could see the lust in his eyes. Great, she thought; she knew if he tried, she wouldn't resist; no matter how much her heart and brain told her she needed to slow down and be careful, her body reacted differently. It was an exhausting battle. They drove the rest of the way in silence.

Niall took Amanda into the restaurant through the back VIP entrance. He wanted to concentrate on them and not on the media craziness that would come with him bringing a date. He took her hand and walked her to the table. He was so proud to have such a beautiful girl on his arm, and the time would come when he would show her off to the world, but for now, he just wanted her to himself and his close group of friends. He pulled out her chair and helped her sit. They ordered and had an amazing dinner and talked about many things. They got on really well, and he was super excited to find someone whom he felt complemented him and whom he felt he complemented. It had been a long time coming. When they were finished eating, he took her by the hand and pulled her to the small dance floor. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Dance with me princess," he whispered in her ear.

Amanda didn't even know what song was playing. Honestly she didn't even care. Being in his arms like that felt better than anything. And he called her princess. Made her swoon. He was definitely her prince. She couldn't believe all of this. There wasn't much else that could be more perfect. Well, maybe if he would finally take her to bed. She was anticipating that for so long now. He seemed like he wanted too and like he was going too but always stopped short. She didn't want him to stop ever, but he always did. She hated to complain about it because he was making everything else perfect, but she wanted him so bad and wanted him to want her just as badly.

After a few more slow dances, Niall whispered in her ear. "Let's get out of here. Back to my hotel room."

Amanda nodded and followed him to the door. Maybe this was it. Please let this be it.

Julie unlocked the door to the apartment and walked in. Harry closed the door behind them and walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. "Hi." He whispered in her ear.

"Hi." She said her voice cracking with emotion. God, how she hated the way he made her feel. "I....I should change."

"Not yet." He spun her around and pulled her close. "Dance with me first." He started swaying slowly back and forth with her in his arms.

Oh god, she thought. What was he trying to do to her? He was good. Too good. No wonder he never had any trouble with the ladies. "There's....there's....no music." She kind of laughed.

"Oh, guess you're right. Guess when you're around, I'm always hearing music." He leaned down and kissed her. Gently and sweetly.

Julie reacted by putting her hand behind his neck. The kiss was somehow different. It was softer and sweeter. It made her feel the same way though. Completely lost and the butterflies in her stomach. Her heart beat faster, and in that moment, she never wanted to stop. After a few minutes, they broke away both breathless. He leaned his forehead on hers. Both their eyes closed. She had to get away from him. She couldn't move though. She had too. Oh god, she was falling for him. No! She couldn't; she put her hands on his chest and pushed him back gently.

"I've really gotta go change." She stepped back and went to her room.

Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair. She was always running. He would never understand. The way she kissed him was in sharp contrast to her always running. Why did he bother? He looked up when she stepped back out of the room.

"Um," She couldn't believe she was about to do this, but the zipper was stuck on the dress. Completely. She was sure she was sabotaged by Lottie. She tried and tried but couldn't get it down. "The zipper...." She struggled to finish. "It's stuck. I...I...need your help."

This is why, he thought. He walked up to her moved her hair and brushed the loose strands off her neck. He smiled when she shivered. He kissed the back of her neck and tried to unzip the zipper. It was really stuck. He started laughing. "You weren't kidding." He laughed even harder as he continued to try.

"You thought I was lying?" She couldn't help but laugh because of him laughing.

"I thought you were being all smooth. And I was trying to be all smooth." He wrapped his arms around her. "I think you're stuck." He leaned his chin on her shoulder.

"Blimey." She said. "I have no idea what to do."

"I don't think I've ever heard an American use Blimey." He laughed. "Cute."

She turned to face him. "Will you ever stop making fun of me?" She wrapped her arms around his neck. She had already taken off her heels so she had to stand on her tip toes just to be able to reach.

"No, never." He leaned down and kissed her again. This time was complete passion. She could feel his entire body against her. She could feel what he was feeling. It was overwhelming. God, she thought. Fight it. Don't let him get to you. All thoughts of fighting went out the window when he finally got the zipper to come down. She was his. She had to admit it. There was no stopping the physical chemistry. She just had to accept this is what they were. When he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her so tight it lifted her off the ground, she gave in completely. She let him take control. He took her into her room, put her down, and slid the dress from her shoulders and laid her back on the bed. She instinctively tried to cover herself. He moved her hands. "Don't hide. You're beautiful." He removed his shirt and laid over her, arms extended so he was looking down at her. She reached up and softly began to touch his tattoos. Slowly and gently, she touched them all. Her touch was driving him mad; she had to know that, he thought. He held out as long as he could, but he couldn't take it anymore. He crushed his body to hers. She stiffened slightly, but he felt her start to relax. Then he thought about the conversation they had earlier. He stopped, pushed up on his arms and looked at her. His voice was a little gruffer then normal. "We don't have to. We can just hold each other." It almost hurt him to say it, but he meant it. If that's what she wanted, he would do it.

She looked in his eyes. Did he mean it? Would he be able to just be there with her, knowing he wasn't going to get lucky? Maybe. She couldn't tell. She shook her head. "Why bother fighting it?" She traced his lips with her thumb. "Just live, right?"

He wasn't sure if it was smart to continue. He wasn't sure if he should try harder to fight it. In the end though, he just wanted her so bad he couldn't fight. He was all in.

Niall let Amanda into the room and walked in behind her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him forcefully. He kissed her. He kissed her roughly and for a long time. He wanted her badly. He could barely contain it anymore. The way she felt in his arms; the way her lips felt against his. The way her body felt against his. He felt his heart race and put his hands on her hips. He raised her dress slightly as he tightened his grip. He was ready. He felt it. She had to know too; there was no hiding what was going on. He wanted to be the stereotypical guy at that point and just take her. But he didn't want it to be just that with them. He wanted it to be more. He didn't want her to think this was just a typical stop on tour. She was special. She wasn't just someone he wanted to sleep with. She was more than that. This was someone he wanted a relationship with. More than just this stop. He wanted to be able to see her again and again. Come to her on breaks and bring her out on tour. He had to stop. Show her she was more. He reluctantly pulled back from her.

This is it, Amanda thought. Finally! She felt him ready. Couldn't deny that. She felt him against her and knew he was ready for sure. She was shocked and completely caught off guard when he pulled back. What was he doing? Why!?! She screamed to herself. She had to do something. "Niall, I don't want you to stop. It's ok." She stepped closer to him again.

"Amanda." He closed his eyes and rested his hands on her hips. "This would be easy. Taking you would be simple. I want there to be more. I want to show you first how much just being with you means. That I want a relationship with you beyond this."

He was sweet really. But enough was enough. "You can have that. You don't have to stop to have that." She kissed him. She wanted to show him she wanted him to take her to bed.

He pulled back again. "There's time. Please Amanda. Let me show you."

She laid her head on his shoulder. What was wrong with him? "Of course, Niall." She was extremely disappointed though. What did she have to do?

"Don't be mad. Please. I promise; it will happen, and no doubt will be amazing." He wrapped his arms around her.

She nodded, and let him hold her. Sure, she thought to herself. You leave in the morning, so when? This was crazy. She knew she wouldn't go anywhere and would always stay in his arms, but damn him for trying to be so noble.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Julie took Harry back to the hotel so he could get his things and meet up with Niall to head back to the tour. It was a quiet morning. A little conversation, a lot of silence. They both knew it was coming, and neither were sure what to say or how to deal with it. They walked into Harry's room, and he slowly started packing his bags.

Julie walked around the room and looked at little things here and there.

Harry watched her while he was trying to pack. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. She had that wall right back up. Once again, they had an amazing night, but there was something wrong. He could tell, but he didn't know what. Why did she regret being with him so much? He didn't know what to do. He had to leave in less than an hour. He wanted to get her to open up, but he had a feeling it would take a lot longer than he had. He sighed and finished packing his things.

Julie glanced at Harry every once in a while. She felt somewhat relieved he was leaving. She had to get some distance to gain some clarity. When he was around, there was no clarity. She had no idea a man could make her feel that way so quickly and when they hardly knew each other. It was super frustrating to her. As much as she thought she wanted him to leave, she was also conflicted about it. She wanted him to stay. She enjoyed his humor and his wit, his cleverness and his kindness. How could someone be so confused about something? She was sure this was the end of her and Harry too. It was time for him to move on. She knew it. Part of her was ready to just deal with that fact, and part of her hoped at some point he would come back to her. Why not? She wasn't in any other kind of relationship. So why not take what she could get with him. Lord knows, it was great. The physical chemistry couldn't be any better. Why? Why did he have to come into her life? Why couldn't he have just seen her as Amanda's friend? Didn't matter now though. Would she always feel so lost? God, she hoped not.

"Guess I'm ready to go." Harry said. He looked at her. He wanted some kind of reaction from her, but as usual he got nothing.

She nodded her head. "Guess it's time to find Niall and Panda. I'm sure that's going to be quite the goodbye."

"Yeah." Unlike us he thought. He opened the door, and they walked out.

Niall wrapped his arms around Amanda. "I can't believe it's time to go already. I really want more time."

She closed her eyes. So did she. She was so frustrated, but she wanted more time to get him to want her. "What are we going to do Niall? How does this work?"

He turned her to face him. "We call, text, FaceTime. We continue to get to know each other. And as soon as we can, we see each other again. It's not goodbye, Amanda. It's a see you soon. We will work this out." He hugged her close.

"Ok. I just don't want to say goodbye." She held him tight.

"Not goodbye." He scolded.

"Ok then, I don't want to say see you later." She corrected.

"I know. I know Princess. I do." He kissed her. He really didn't want to leave, but he had too. He was hoping she understood that. He pulled back when he heard the knock at the door. He let Harry and Julie in.

Julie took one look at Amanda and was at her side giving her a hug. She hated seeing her friend sad. She held onto her and rubbed her back.

Harry watched her comfort Amanda. He wished she would show him some sort of emotion like that. He had a feeling it wouldn't happen though. At least not anytime soon. Could he handle the wall much longer? They had moments of brilliance together, but there was always something in the way. He couldn't deal with it now though. "Car's outside for us Niall. We have to go." He said.

Amanda fought back tears when Harry said it, but she wanted Niall to know she understood. She walked over to him and hugged him. "I am going to miss you, but I understand. This is who you are, and I wouldn't change you for anything." She kissed him and held him in her arms.

Niall let out a relaxing breath. Thank god, he thought. He had worried for a minute. "I am going to miss you too."

Julie watched Niall and Amanda. She looked down at the floor and bit her lip. Why was she feeling so emotional? Suck it up. You knew it was ending, and it was what it was. She looked up as Harry walked up to her. She looked up into his eyes. She fought back the tears she felt coming.

"Have a great time with the rest of the tour. I'm sure every show will be incredible. And all those people around to see you."

"Julie," He started.

"Goodbye, Harry." She cut him off. She forced a semi-smile reached up and kissed him. She closed her eyes and pulled back slightly. "Goodbye." She said again, quietly. She dropped her hand from his neck and stepped back.

"No," he said quietly. "Don't do that. Don't...." He started. But she cut him off again.

"It's ok. I'm ok," She kissed him again. "You better go."

He just stared at her. Maybe she was. Maybe he wasn't. Why couldn't she just... He shook his head. He had to go. They had to leave it like this, even though he didn't know what this was. He kissed her longer and deeper. "I will call you."

"Of course." She nodded not quite sure if he really meant it. He got what he wanted. She wasn't a challenge. But again, she would take whatever she got. "you've got my number."

He nodded. "C'mon Niall."

Niall kissed Amanda again and again. He couldn't leave. There was so much he wanted to do yet. What was he going to do? He had to go. He kissed her one last time. "See you soon, babe. I will call you as soon as we land. Thanks for the best few days of my life." He walked to the door.

Amanda ran up to him and kissed him one last time. "Can't wait." She watched him leave and then broke down. Why was it so hard to let him go? She knew he had to. She hoped she'd get to see him soon.

A few days after the guys left, things were starting to get back to normal with Julie and Amanda, as far as work and schedules went. It was hard to believe everything that had happened to them. They were kind of quiet those few days after the guys left. Neither really knew what to say.

Niall and Amanda talked every chance they got. It wasn't enough as far as either was concerned, but it had to do.

Julie was relieved to get back to her scheduled chaos. It was the normalcy she craved. Not having Harry there to distract her gave her some of that clarity. He did call once, and he did text her often. It was almost a bit awkward though. She didn't quite know what to say. They never did get to know each other that well outside of the bedroom.

"Now what?" Julie heard Amanda exclaim. "I just wanted to get onto the internet and now the damn WiFi isn't working. Dammit!" Amanda slammed her lap top closed.

"What the hell, Panda." Julie asked. "What's your problem lately? You would think you would be happy with everything going on."

"Easy for you to say!" Amanda said to her.

"What does that mean? You got a great guy who calls you every night and tells you how wonderful you are." Julie admonished.

"Yeah, and it's got me frustrated. Niall wouldn't even sleep with me. And you and Harry got together more than once. If we had such a good thing, how come you got some and I wasn't able too?" Amanda cried.

"Seriously Amanda?! You're going to compare what you have to what Harry and I had? Really? Could you be any more ridiculous?!" Julie cried back.

"Ridiculous? It's ridiculous to wonder why he wouldn't even sleep with me?" Amanda asked.

"Yes! He respected you enough to want to let you know that you meant more to him than just a stop in LA. He wanted you to know that he wanted more than just sex Amanda! How can you not understand that!? Don't you think I would rather have that then to just be another notch on Harry's bed post? God, sometimes I swear you can be so stupid!" Julie said angrily.

"Stupid? You do nothing but push people away! Especially Harry! Maybe it would be more than sex if you wouldn't be so damned closed off! Talk about stupid!" Amanda said back.

"Right, I knew exactly what it was the first time we slept together. I knew it would end as soon as he left! Why? Because it happened so fast. Physical is great, but that can happen anytime! Harry and I fell into a physical relationship. Within a couple of days. We barely know anything about each other. I still can't believe you would want that over what you and Niall have. Be grateful Amanda!"

"We could have a relationship if we sleep together! You could have one too. Stop closing yourself off! Stop being so pig headed and let someone in! You always have that wall up! There are even certain things you hide from me! Trust someone once!"

"Wow Amanda, thanks so much for the advice. According to you I should be thankful Harry just wanted me in bed instead of getting to know me and starting a relationship with me! You want me to feel bad because Niall cares about you? Just because he didn't screw you yet? You are completely insane! Think about that!"

"You are nothing but impossible! It's your fault you didn't let him in!" Amanda fired back.

Julie cringed when Amanda said that to her. It hurt. She blamed herself too for letting him get to her so quickly and giving into nothing but the physical, but for Amanda to say it like that. It hurt. She didn't want to seem hurt though. Amanda needed to stop being so ridiculous. Niall wanted to be with her more than just in bed. Sex wasn't worth giving that up! "You know what Amanda? You just keep feeling sorry for yourself for having a great guy who wants to be with you. You keep having your pity party, and you keep thinking 1 or 2 nights of sex would be better than the respect and admiration of a great guy. Be jealous I had sex with Harry! Be stupid! I'm done," Julie said as she walked into her room and slammed the door. God, Amanda was so stupid. She couldn't fight it anymore, not after everything that happened with Harry and the confusion and confliction, and now the fight with Amanda. She lay on her bed and started to cry. She never cried. But she was afraid she wasn't going to be able to stop. Stupid Amanda!

Amanda saw the hurt in JJs eyes but watched it disappear just as quick. She drove her insane sometimes. She needed to let someone in before she had no one left on her side! And what did she know anyway? Didn't matter she was right about it. She went and slammed the door to her room too. She wanted to be wanted; she wanted someone to want to touch her that way. Again, didn't matter that JJ was right and building that relationship was better. She wanted to be wanted in that way, and JJ should have supported that, damn her!

Julie woke up later that night to her phone ringing. It was late; she looked at her caller ID. It was Harry. He must've just gotten done with his show. She was surprised he was calling. She fell asleep crying earlier, so she tried to clear her throat. "Hey." She answered.

"Hello gorgeous. Did I wake you?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, no work tonight. Guess I fell asleep." She said her voice cracking as the night rushed back to her.

Harry was lying in his hotel room comfortable in his bed, but he could tell she was upset. He could almost hear the tears. He sat straight up.

"What's wrong? Are you crying?" He asked.

"I'm fine. Just....tired I guess." She tried to cover.

"Julie, don't lie to me." He said quietly. "It's not hard to tell somethings wrong. Just talk to me."

"It....it doesn't matter Harry. We can just talk about something else. How's the tour going?" She deflected.

"Please. Tell me what's wrong. You're killing me here." He begged.

She took a deep breath. "Amanda and I just had a huge fight." She tried to fight the tears, but they were rolling down her cheeks now. Her voice was full of emotion.

This sucked! He was across the country. "Sweetheart, talk to me."

"It's fine. I can't. I shouldn't." She thought back to the reason for the fight.

"You can, and you should. Please let me help." He said.

"She's being pissy. So I called her out on it tonight. And she's pissy because she's jealous. She's jealous because Niall hasn't slept with her; yet you and I have. She's mad, because he respects her enough to want to build a relationship with her and show her that, instead of just sleeping with her. She's so stupid! Why wouldn't you want a relationship instead of just sex?" She blurted out.

Well, she'd just let a lot more out in the conversation than she realized, Harry thought. "So that's why you regret sleeping with me? You think because we fell into bed so quickly, I couldn't possibly respect you enough to have a relationship?"

Crap. Julie thought. How was he so damn perceptive? She didn't mean to go there. She was angry at Amanda. She didn't realize he would pick up on that. "I didn't say that. I said..."

"I know what you said, Julie. It all makes much more sense now." Harry said. And it did. She thought he'd just used her for sex. She was something else.

"So now, you think you know everything too, huh? You ready to tell me how it's all my fault because I don't let anyone in? You ready to tell me how I'd better learn to let someone in before I have no one left too? Go ahead. I've already heard it all tonight. What's the difference?" She didn't even bother hiding her tears anymore.

"Julie." Harry said softly. He didn't want to hurt her anymore than she was hurting already. He shouldn't have said anything. This was the first time she'd opened up to him, even a little, and he made it worse.

"No Harry. I'm done. You got what you wanted from me. I'm just a closed off bitch who doesn't need anyone. You didn't think twice about getting me in bed. But it's my fault. It's my fault for not respecting myself enough to stop it. You don't have to pretend to care anymore. I don't expect anything from you. I knew what it was, and I knew when you left that it was over. It's fine. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. I make mistakes too. Good luck on the rest of the tour, the new album and everything else." She hung up the phone. Dammit! She was practically sobbing now. Son of a bitch! She threw the phone on the floor.

He dropped the phone on the bed and put his head in his hands. He hated the fact she thought he just used her. Hated it. He almost understood why she thought it. They did fall into bed very quickly, but that's not all he wanted, was it? No, he wanted more of her. The sex was great, but he wanted more. She would never believe him. Not now, anyway. He needed to give her time. He knew if he pushed her right now, she would just pull away harder. He had learned that much already. He would show her and everyone else that it was more than sex. He picked up the phone and texted her. He said: we are not done. We will work through this, bet on it.

"Hey princess" Niall said when Amanda picked up. "How are you?"

"Fine Niall, how are you?" Amanda said somberly.

"Well, I'm good, but apparently you're not. What's wrong?" He asked.

"JJ and I had a fight. A huge fight. She even called me Amanda, like three times. She never calls me Amanda." She said trying to remain calm.

"Why are the two of you fighting?" He asked.

"We...I....I don't think...probably shouldn't tell you." How could she tell him, she thought. How could she let him know she was mad at JJ for sleeping with Harry before she got to sleep with him?

"C'mon you know I'm here for you." He stated.

"I guess I've been a little grumpy lately. She called me out on it tonight and didn't like my answer." She started.

"Why have you been grumpy?" He asked.

"Niall, I'm not sure this is a good conversation to have." She said.

"Why?" Niall asked.

She sighed. "I told her I was mad because she slept with Harry."

Niall was confused. "Why would you be mad at her for that?"

"Maybe mad isn't the right word. Jealous, maybe." She said.

"Oh." He didn't know what to say. "You wanted to sleep with Harry, too?" He tried to joke, even though it wasn't the best timing probably.

"No, you idiot, I wanted to sleep with you!" She practically screamed at him. "And I was so frustrated you wouldn't. And she got mad and called me ridiculous for not understanding about building a relationship first. Said I should want that instead of meaningless sex. Then I told her she was cold, and she wouldn't have anyone if she didn't start letting people in."

"Ouch, Amanda. That was a little harsh don't you think? And I'm truly sorry you were hurt. I wish you would understand it's not because I don't want to, but it's because I want more." He said.

"So you think she's right? That Harry only wanted her for sex? I may be mad at her, but I may have a few choice words for him if that's the case." Amanda said.

"No, I didn't say that. But you can't compare us with them. We need to do our own thing. Competing with them, especially when it comes to that, makes no sense. We have to find what's best for us. I don't know what's going on with them, but they have to figure it out. I know where I want to be with you, and that's more than just sleeping together when I'm in town." Niall said to her.

She felt a little silly for questioning him. "I know. I know it may not be rational, but I can't help the way I feel."

"It's ok to feel that way. But please, put some faith in how I feel. I won't let you go." He said.

"I should've known talking to you would make me feel better." She said.

"You gonna go make up with JJ now?" he asked.

"No, I'm going to stay mad awhile longer."

"Oh princess, don't pick up her stubbornness," he laughed slightly.

Not long after Niall hung up with Amanda, Harry knocked on his door. Niall let him in, and he sat down on the couch. "You talk to Amanda, tonight?" He asked.

Niall nodded. "Yeah, take it you talked to JJ?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah. So you heard about the fight?"

"Yep." Niall nodded again. "She's mad at everyone because I didn't sleep with her, but you slept with her friend. Thanks, man."

"Yeah, well thanks for being so noble, because now Julie thinks I have no respect for her since we have slept together. She thinks I used her to get her into bed." Harry sighed.

"Why are women so complicated?" Niall asked. "And why do we want to deal with it?"

"Not sure man. But I gotta figure a way out of this. Gotta prove to her that her stubborn ass is wrong." Harry said.

"Good luck with that. And I have to prove to Amanda that I do want her despite not sleeping with her." Niall sighed too. "Wow."

"Julie told me she didn't expect anything, and she knew it was over when I left and that she was done. Beat that." Harry said.

"Nope you win. She's your handful. I will take Amanda, thanks." Niall laughed. Poor Harry, he thought. How was he going to get out of that?

"Thing is I don't think I'd want it any other way. Crazy, huh?" Harry asked.

"No Harry, just accepting and caring. Only you will know if she's worth it."

Harry just nodded slowly. Only he would know. He knew right? Was she worth it? She was completely different than anyone else he'd dated. But those others always ended, so that probably was a good thing. Right now, it's what he wanted. He wasn't ready to give up yet. Would she even let him date her was the question. What caused her to be so guarded? So cautious. What was she afraid of?

"Thanks Nialler. No more depressing talk. See you tomorrow." He got up and went back to his room to bed. He checked his phone, hoping there would be some sort of response from Julie, but there wasn't. Damn it, he thought. He put the phone on the charger and went to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days later, Julie was sitting at the counter writing in her notebook when Amanda walked in. They hadn't spoken since their fight. Amanda wondered what JJ was always writing in that notebook. It was one thing she didn't know. Every time she came close though, JJ always closed the book and put it away. Maybe it was her journal. If it was, she was sure she was writing about her. They had never fought like that. And they definitely hadn't gone this long without talking on purpose. Just as she suspected, JJ closed her notebook and got up. She grabbed the notebook and an envelope; she walked past Amanda without saying anything and handed her the envelope. It was JJ's birthday today; why was she giving her an envelope? She didn't want to open it. She was afraid it was a note telling her she was leaving. It would be just like her to run away after one fight. She wasn't going to be that friend though. She wasn't going to let her push her away. She would fight back. Someone had to. She sighed and opened the envelope. Her jaw dropped with shock. It was a plane ticket to FL and VIP pass to One Direction's FL shows. The one before and on Niall's birthday, which was in 9 days. It was JJ's birthday, and she's giving me this? Amanda thought and started to cry. She knew JJ had a good heart when she showed it, but this was too much. She felt horrible that she'd been so busy trying to be the last to apologize that she hadn't even told her "Happy Birthday" yet. She read the note. JJ had arranged the time off at work with the time they had coming to them and booked everything. Niall didn't know; she'd set it all up with Lottie. It was going to be a surprise. Amanda couldn't stop the tears now. Could it be any more perfect? She knocked on JJ's door.

"It's open." She heard JJ say. She was slightly shocked JJ had let her in so easy.

"Can I come in and talk to you?" She watched JJ who was lying on her stomach writing in her notebook. JJ closed the book and put it aside.  
"Yeah, sure." JJ said as she sat up on her bed.

Amanda practically tackled her. "Happy Birthday!" She started crying again.

JJ fell backwards but hugged Amanda and let her lie next to her with her head on her shoulder. She missed her friend. She didn't have many, and none as close as Amanda.

"Why, JJ? Why would you do something like this when I acted like such a fool and said some pretty nasty things?" Amanda said. "And it's your birthday, not mine."

"Because I love you." Julie said.

Amanda laughed through her tears. JJ was so matter of fact sometimes. She said things as if everyone should know them, and that's all that needed to be said. "I love you too, but I can't believe you did this. It's so much."

"Not really. All I had to buy was the plane ticket." Julie shrugged.

Yep, so matter of fact. "Not just the money. You had to arrange it and get the stuff and arrange a week off work and everything." Amanda said.  
"Two weeks off." Julie said.

"Two weeks? Seriously? How did you manage all this so quickly?" She asked.

She shrugged. "I wanted to do it."  
Yep, that's all that needed to be said. If she wanted to do it, she would. No matter what. "How can I go without you?"

Julie shrugged again. "I bought a ticket and got the passes, but I'm not going to go. I haven't spoken to Harry since the night of our fight, and I basically told him I was done and knew he was using me for sex; so yeah, I don't think it would be best for me to go. Even for you and Niall."

"You have off work the full 2 weeks too?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah. I can just relax for a change." Julie said rubbing Amanda's back automatically.

"I really wish you weren't so difficult sometimes." Amanda said.

"Amanda, please." Julie started.

Yep, she was still a bit irritated; she'd called her Amanda. "No, I just mean you could apologize to him. Tell him you didn't mean it."

"I'm not sure I didn't though. Not completely. I don't blame him. It's just as much my fault as his, but I'm not sure I didn't mean it. I've accepted what happened. I'm just not sure I can be in a casual relationship with him." Julie said. "I'm not sure I can keep my head and let it be just that."

Amanda sat up and looked at her. She was falling for Harry, she thought. She could tell. JJ was afraid of her feelings for him. Afraid he could never feel the same way. Why didn't she see it before? She should have remembered that JJ fought the hardest when she was scared. "JJ he would be lucky to have you. He's not stupid. He knows that. You just have to let him in a little. Let him show you. Don't be scared of the feelings. How can you ever fall in love if you are always scared of falling in love?"

"Let's not get carried away here, Panda. No one is talking about love here." Julie got uncomfortable and stood up.

Yep, she was scared. "Isn't that what we all want at some point, JJ? Someone to love and someone to love us back?"

"Not all of us, Panda." Julie said.

Amanda felt that wall starting to go right back up. How could she not have realized before Harry that this girl was completely afraid of love?

"Yes, JJ even you. And I will be the first to tell you that I love you, and I can tell you that when you love someone you treat them amazingly. Look what you did for me? You said it's cuz you love me."

"I hate you." Julie said.

Amanda laughed. She was calling her Panda again and saying she hated her. They were back. And she knew she'd made sense of the situation because JJ had said she hated her. She only did that when she didn't have an argument to make.

Niall knocked on Harry's door. They had 2 days off between shows. They were all debating what they should do with their downtime. "Hey. You wanna go out or something?"

Harry looked at his phone. He still hadn't heard from Julie. It'd been days. He'd texted her a couple times, but she never answered him. "Nah, man, thanks; but I'm not really into it today."

"Still haven't heard from her, huh?" Niall asked. He pulled out his phone when it rang.

Harry didn't even have to ask. He knew it was Amanda. Made him feel even worse.

"Hey, Princess. I didn't expect to hear from you yet, today. Thought later." Niall said.

"I wanted to call early because I want to take JJ out for the day." She was having a hard time already not telling him about the surprise.

"You guys kissed and made up? That's awesome. I'm so glad to hear it! So, you're going out to celebrate that?" Niall asked.

"Yeah, Niall full on make out session." She rolled her eyes. "Well, yeah, but it's her birthday today, so I wanted to make sure she did something. She wouldn't ever do it for herself."

"Wow, Amanda, way to put that make out scenario in my head. And it is? Seriously?" He looked at Harry; he knew he didn't know. "Why wouldn't she say anything? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it's JJ." She said.

That's all she needed to say. Niall understood completely. "Yeah, should've guessed."

"So, should I call you when we get home? I don't know how late it will be, and it will be even later where you are." She asked.

"Yes, of course anytime. Can't wait. Have fun. And make sure she knows...." Niall didn't have to finish.

"I will tell her she should have told you, I will tell her 'Happy Birthday', and that you hate her." Amanda laughed.

"See you already know me so well. Talk to you later, Princess." Niall said hanging up.

He looked at Harry.

"So, they made up? That's good. They're going out? Guess that's good, too. They should celebrate getting over the fight." Harry said sadly. He actually didn't want to think about her going out without him. Where would she go? What would she do? Would there be other guys there that she was interested in? She didn't think they had anything, so would she just move on to the next?

"Yeah, that." He had to tell him. Harry would never forgive him if Harry knew that he knew it was JJ's birthday and didn't tell him. She should have told Harry, and she should've told him too, for that matter. They were friends. But like Amanda said. That's just JJ. "And because it's JJ's birthday today."

Harry looked up at him. Niall could swear Harry was holding back tears or maybe anger. Or maybe both. "Of course it is. And of course I had no idea. And of course she wouldn't have told me." He got up.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" Niall asked.

"I'm not sure yet. But right now, I have to do something." Harry said as he walked out of the room. He walked right past Liam, Louis, and Zayn without saying a word.

"What's up with Harry?" Zayn asked Niall.

"Amanda just told me it's JJ's birthday today, and of course, Harry didn't know. And he still hasn't heard from her. He said he's not sure what he's going to do, but he has to do something. I'm not quite sure what that means either." Niall told them.

"Seriously, why didn't we know it was her birthday." Liam said.

"Right." Louis said. "We could have done something."

"That's just how she is, guys." Zayn said as if he completely understood.

"Well then Mr. Understanding. What can we do for her then, if you know her so well?" Louis asked.

Julie was finishing getting ready to go out with Amanda. She wasn't sure it was a great idea, but Amanda insisted they go get something to eat and then out to a club. It had been a really long time since they had gone out. After she was ready, she sat on the bed and put her shoes on. She heard her text alert. She figured it was Harry. He still texted once and a while, but she hadn't answered yet. There was still too much confliction for her to determine what to do. She finished putting her shoes on and stood up and looked at her phone. She read every text but just couldn't respond. It wasn't from Harry. It was from Niall. There was a video attached to the text. It was of Liam, Louis, and Zayn singing "Happy Birthday" with birthday hats on and a cake with them. They sounded amazing, and they were acting silly and funny. It made her smile. Seemed like a long time since she smiled. At the end they all said a little something and Happy Birthday, and Niall turned the camera on himself. He said "Happy Birthday, stubborn girl. You should have told us, but we hope you have a great day anyway. Remember, I hate you, too." They all blew kisses towards the phone, and said "Happy Birthday" again, blowing noise makers and throwing confetti in the air as Niall stopped recording. How could they know? Amanda! She shook her head. She should have known. She did notice Harry was missing from the video. Maybe they didn't tell him. Or maybe he was so angry he didn't care. She didn't want to think about that right now. She walked out into the front to meet Amanda. "Hey Panda, check out this video I just got from Niall." She handed Amanda her phone.

Amanda couldn't help but laugh. They were so goofy; all of them. And of course Niall ended it with the "I hate you, too" bit. She also noticed Harry was missing. She looked at JJ to determine if she was mad that she'd told Niall. She didn't seem to be. She was watching the video again. She seemed kind of sad. "They're mad and brilliant. C'mon let's go. There will be no sadness tonight. Tonight, we party like we're rock stars."

"Panda we are the furthest things from rock stars." Julie said.

"Yeah, ok, but let's go see how long we can stay awake anyway." Amanda laughed.

They enjoyed a quiet dinner and then went to a club. The club scene wasn't exactly JJ's cup of tea; but Amanda wanted them to let loose and listen to music, so she decided they should try it. She was a little concerned though. JJ usually didn't drink much at all. She wasn't exactly following that tonight. She was already tipsy and still drinking. She figured she should let her go a little. JJ needed to let go of some of the stress and sadness. When a guy started to get a little too close though, Amanda had to step in. "Hey JJ. I think it's time we head home."

The guy protested, but JJ left with Amanda willingly. "Thanks for the rescue, Panda Bear, he was just a little crazy." Amanda held her arm, because JJ was having a little bit of a hard time walking a straight path.

Amanda was amused. Panda Bear? That was new. The guy that was hitting on her was hot, but Amanda reasoned he wasn't Harry, so of course JJ wouldn't want anything to do with him.

Once the girls got home, Amanda helped JJ from the cab and up to the apartment. They both stopped and stared when they got to the door. The biggest teddy bear they had ever seen was leaning against their door with a birthday balloon attached. There were also dozens of roses in all different colors sitting around him. Julie's head was spinning from the alcohol. This threw her for another loop. She felt Amanda's hand on her arm. She looked up at her.

"Harry." Was all Amanda said.

Julie's eyes filled with tears as she walked up to the bear. The bear had a long sleeve shirt on that looked like Harry's chest and arms, tattoos and all. It looked like he had his arms out looking for a hug. She picked up the card. It said 'I really wish it were me there holding you in my arms, but if you ever feel lonely or like you need a hug, know I would always choose to be there if I could. Lie in these arms and call me. I miss you Julie. Happy Birthday, All the Love H'.

Julie bit her lip. She didn't want to cry. It was by far the sweetest sentiment anyone had ever said or done for her. She took a couple deep breaths to try not to cry. She picked up the bear, but it was so big, she could hardly carry it. Amanda helped her get it to her room, and all the flowers into the apartment. There were a lot, and it made the whole apartment smell amazing. After she got them situated, she went to Julie's room. She smiled when she saw it. Julie was cuddled up lying on the bear's chest with its arms wrapped snugly around her. It was probably the cutest thing she had ever seen. She looked like a little girl next to that giant bear. She snapped a picture. She had to send it to Harry. She guessed he probably needed something right now. She captioned it "Someone may have had a little too much to drink and passed out, but she couldn't be more content," She watched Julie a little while longer and then went to call Niall.

Harry picked up his phone and checked his message. He smiled. A real smile in what seemed like the first time in a longtime. He had thought Julie would disregard his attempt and his present, but he was wrong. She was there, asleep, in the picture. Head on the bear's chest which was the picture of him, and she'd perfectly positioned the arms around her like he was holding her. The only thing that would have been better was if it were him holding her. She didn't send him a message, but it was ok. Baby steps and her accepting the gift from him was a small step. He texted Amanda back. "Thank you Amanda, thank you." There was a lot to work on yet and a lot to get through, but it was something. Hopefully, things were looking up.

Amanda was in the middle of talking to Niall when she got Harry's text. "Oh, Harry just text me back."

"Um, why are you texting Harry?" Niall asked.

She laughed. "You texted JJ earlier. Are you jealous?"

He laughed. "No, and I sent her a birthday video from the guys."

She laughed again. "I sent him a picture of JJ and the gift he got her. He was thanking me."

"Oh, so he did get her a gift. That's awesome. I didn't know what he was doing when he left." Niall said. "Send me the picture."

"Um no, I don't think I should. You'll have to have Harry show you if he wants you to see it." Amanda said.

"Ouch, conspiring with Harry now." He tried to fake hurt but couldn't help but laugh.

"You're not very good at pretending you're hurt Niall." Amanda laughed with him.

"Yeah, I know. I wish I could see you. It seems like this tour is going on forever so that we barely have any time off, and we are across country from you." He said.

Amanda was still having a hard time keeping the surprise visit from him, but JJ had worked hard at making it a surprise so she couldn't tell him. "I know Niall. It sucks, but the tour doesn't have that much longer left. I know you have the album promotion to do after that, but hopefully you will have a little more time, and we can see each other. For now, we can just keep talking and learning more about each other."

"I love the sound of that." Niall said. They talked for a while longer until Amanda couldn't stay awake any longer, and then they said their goodbyes.

Niall knocked on Harry's door and waited. Harry sleepily answered the door. "Niall, it's the middle of the night."

"Actually it's like 5 in the morning," he laughed and went in. "I just got off the phone with Amanda, and she said you text her."

"So, you came here at 5 am to tell me not to text her?" Harry asked.

"No," Niall laughed. "She said she sent you a picture of JJ with her present from you and said she wouldn't send it to me, that I had to ask you to see it. So here I am."

Harry shook his head. "You could've waited til I woke up for that." But he got his phone anyway.

"You're awake now." Niall laughed. He looked at the picture. "Aww, isn't that cute." It was. It really looked like Harry was holding her, minus the big bear head and no hands. He looked up and saw Harry smiling. It was a great sight to see.

"I'm glad she liked it. I was worried she might ignore it or get angry I sent it. She didn't call or text, but Amanda must've known that and sent this. She also said Julie passed out because she had a little too much to drink. So, maybe she will. I'm just happy to see this." He said looking at the picture again.

"I'm glad. It's good to see that smile again. Now go to sleep; you shouldn't be awake." Niall laughed as Harry punched his shoulder. Amanda had told him she liked her video they sent her, and she seemed to enjoy the gift from Harry. He was glad she'd had a good birthday. He left and went to bed.

Over the next few days, Julie still hadn't texted or called Harry, but every night, and even sometimes during the day, Amanda would send him pictures of Julie with the bear. She slept with it every night, and she even had it with her when she was watching tv or writing. He was grateful for Amanda; she gave him hope. He couldn't wait until he had time to go to LA though. He really needed to see her and talk to her. For now, her cuddling in his fake arms every chance she got would do.


	8. Chapter 8

Amanda had to leave for the airport really early in the morning. She wanted to say goodbye to JJ; so even though it was well before JJ would normally wake up, she knocked on her door. She couldn't believe JJ wasn't coming. She waited a few minutes and then opened the door. She was probably still asleep. She wasn't in her bed. "JJ?" Amanda called. She looked around the room and saw her suitcase out. She heard the bathroom door open. JJ came out dressed. "OMG! You're coming! Thank god!" Amanda went up and hugged her.

"How do you know? I haven't seen my parents in a while and thought I'd take the time to go see them." When she saw Amanda's face drop though, she decided not to tease her. "Yes, I'm coming. Figured I'd better talk to Harry and I'd better do it in person, because over the phone would be too easy to just hang up. Guess I need to see how things are when I see him again. But don't go talking about love, or relationships or anything like that again."

Amanda laughed. "Wouldn't dream of it." She was so happy JJ was going. She was so glad JJ had decided to talk to Harry instead of just pulling further away. She wouldn't talk about love, besides it wasn't that time yet. It was way too soon. She believed JJ wanted love, and that hopefully, she would stop being afraid of her feelings. But, maybe, she could love him at some point, if she would allow herself. This day was already great, and now that JJ was going, it was even better.

The girls had a long, boring flight to FL and a crazy ride from the airport. They were supposed to be there early for the show but didn't arrive until about 30 minutes before it started. They walked in and met Lottie.

"Hi!" Lottie said hugging the girls. "I'm so happy to see you guys! JJ, I'm so glad you came! I didn't think you were coming. Let me take you to the guys quickly. It's almost show time."

"Lottie, wait." Julie stopped her. "If it's ok with Amanda, I'd rather not see them just yet." Both Amanda and Lottie looked at her shocked. She laughed. "No, what I mean is I'd like to watch the show from the audience to get the full experience. Is there a way to do that without causing too much trouble?"

"Oh, yes! You can go right in front of the stage. That's a brilliant idea. What a surprise if all of a sudden they spot you. They might think they are seeing things." Lottie laughed.

"Well, I want to kind of blend in. Don't want them to see us right away at least." Julie was extremely nervous. She was there, but she was hoping for a little more time, and she really did want to experience the concert from the fans' point of view. Not that she wasn't a fan. She knew what she meant. "Amanda are you ok with this? I know you want to see Niall ASAP."

"Yeah, I am. Lottie is right. It would be a complete shock to see us there all of a sudden." She smiled. She was excited, and she wondered how Niall would react to seeing her in the crowd.

Right before the show started, security took them out to the seats in the VIP section. It was for fans who won contests and family and friends. They didn't want to be in the front row and make it easy to be spotted, so they sat a few rows back amidst some pretty crazy young fans. They didn't want to seem suspicious, so they talked to them like they had never seen the guys before and were super excited to be this close. The fans around them were quite crazy. It made them laugh, but it was quite fun. Right before the show started, someone came up from behind them. "Wait," they said. "You're the two girls from the video! The ones that took care of Niall in the hospital. Amanda and Julie! I've watched that video lots of times!" Amanda and Julie looked at each other shocked. What video? they both thought.

Amanda looked at the fan. "What video? We aren't quite sure what you're talking about. Think you may have us mistaken for someone else."

"The video posted on YouTube taken when Niall thanked you guys at the LA concert!" she said.

Julie shook her head. They didn't need this right now. She couldn't even believe they were on YouTube. Maybe she should have figured since someone was always recording at the concerts, but she never even thought. "That's very kind for you to think that, but it's not us." Julie said hoping she'd buy it. She was wrong.

"It is! How come you're here? Are one of you dating Niall?" she asked.

"We wish" both Julie and Amanda said at the same time. Deflect, they had to deflect. Tonight was about seeing the guys and watching the show not starting a media storm. They talked to her for a few more minutes. Told her they came to watch the show because they were on a vacation here anyway, which was a kind of truth, and hoped they'd convinced her.

They laughed to each other when she finally left. "Holy crap!" Julie exclaimed. "When did we become recognizable? Um ,this isn't good. So much for a quiet life!"

"No kidding!" Amanda said. "Hopefully, we can get through the night without too much craziness!"

The show was starting. The girls held hands and jumped up and down with the rest of them. It was so much fun and so funny acting like a crazed fan. It was such a crazy sight . They found themselves watching the reactions of the fans around them just as much as watching the guys. They were amazed how many were crying whenever the guys came anywhere near their section. So far, they had stayed out of sight. They wanted to watch and remain incognito as long as possible to experience as much as they could. They sang along and danced along with everyone in the crowd. They hadn't laughed so much in a long time.

They were pretty proud they had gotten through most of the concert without being spotted by any of the guys. It was close a few times, but they managed to hide themselves enough. They figured it wouldn't last forever though, and it didn't. During the middle of "Don't Forget Where You Belong", Liam was sitting on the side of the stage where they were. They tried to stay out of his sight line, but it wasn't long before he noticed. He pointed and dropped his jaw. The girls put their fingers to their lips like shhhhhh, and tried to wave him off. He kind of nodded, but at the end of the song, he went and whispered in Louis' and Zayn's ears.

Before the next song, while they were addressing the crowd, Louis and Zayn wandered over towards where the girls were. They both waved and gave them shocked looks. The girls tried to sssshhhh them too, but they had a feeling Louis wouldn't go for it. They were kind of enjoying being under the radar and watching the guys interactions with everyone. It was fun trying to hide from them. They were right though. Louis wasn't going to let them get away with it. When he, Zayn, and Liam were standing in front of where the girls were, he called to the guys. "Guys we sure have a great looking audience tonight!" Everyone screamed. Julie and Amanda shook their heads at him, but he wasn't going to listen. "Especially the view over here!"

Liam agreed. "Yes, I'd have to say this is quite the view." The fans in the section the guys were in were going wild.

Harry and Niall who were on the opposite side of the stage played along. "Sorry guys, but I think we have the best looking section over here." Harry said. That side of the stage went crazy.

Zayn said. "Nah, man, Louis is right. We got it."

Julie and Amanda rolled their eyes. They were evil brats.

"Zayn, I think we know what we are talking about." Niall said.

Louis walked towards the center of the stage. "Well, maybe, we should check out your side, and you can check out ours." Liam and Zayn both winked at the girls and walked towards the other side.

Harry and Niall met them in the middle. Louis stopped them and said. "Let's bet. Losers have to run around the stage saying the winners are #1."

"We will take that bet." Harry said as he and Niall walked to the side where the girls were. Zayn, Louis, and Liam went to the other side but kept glancing back. They wanted to see Niall and Harry's reaction. The girls tried to hide while they were scanning the faces in the crowd. They were successful for a short period; however, it was inevitable.

"No way!" Niall exclaimed. He was shocked. The girls shook their heads and waved at him slowly. He was staring at them and couldn't say a word. They looked at each other and laughed and tried to wave him off. They didn't want the other fans to catch on. It was too late though. The girl who had recognized them before exclaimed. "I knew it! You are them." At that point, a bunch of fans started recognizing them.

Harry slowly walked over to Niall. "What, are you causing a riot over here?"

Niall finally spoke. "No, but I think they win." He said referring to Zayn, Liam, and Louis.

"Not possible." Harry started. Niall kinda nodded his head in the girls' direction. Harry looked. Took a minute, but then he saw them.   
"No fucking way." He exclaimed. Cringing as he swore. They tried not to swear, since there were lots of young kids, but he was shocked.

Julie wrinkled her lips and waved at him.

"You've got to be kidding me." He said. He wanted to jump off that stage and go to her. What was she doing here? He hadn't heard from her, and he was starting to give up. But there she was. On the East Coast. She traveled across country to be there.

Niall and Harry were so dumbfounded, they couldn't say anything. Louis saved them. "Well lads, looks like there are only winners here tonight. The audience is great looking all around."

Julie and Amanda kind of waved their hands at them like go on. Finish your songs. Do your thing. They were getting recognized way too much now. It was becoming a bit overwhelming. The guys moved on reluctantly, but they had a hard time not gravitating towards that side of the stage. They were paying such attention to that side now that some fans started getting overwhelmed. Julie and Amanda turned around when they heard someone scream help. They saw a fan faint because of Harry and Niall being so close. The girls didn't hesitate. Julie jumped up and over the 2 rows of chairs between them, and Amanda followed. It was in their DNA to help. They got to her before anyone else and started assessing the situation. They steadied her neck. Checked her pulse. Checked to see if she had any injuries.

Harry and Niall watched in amazement. It was a sight to see. They caught the movement and turned to see Julie and Amanda jumping over chairs quickly. It was so incredible to see the girls jump into action like that.

Amanda and JJ stayed with her while the girl came to. They talked to her and made sure everything was ok until the arena's medical staff arrived. They gave them her stats and assisted them until they were able to take her to the medical area. After that, it was too much. Security came and got the girls and took them backstage. They had to watch the rest of the show from there. When the show was over, they walked back with Lottie and Lou to where they'd met earlier.

"Amanda!" They turned around when they heard Niall exclaim Amanda's name.

She ran up to him and jumped into his arms. She hugged him so tight. "I'm so happy to see you!"

He kissed her. He didn't care who was there. He kissed her deeply. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? Why didn't you come see me before the show?"

"It was given to me as a gift, and it was a meant to be a surprise. This was all JJ. She planned it all, got it all set up, bought the plane tickets and got me the time off work. I was just as shocked when she handed me the envelope on her birthday."

He held her in his arms. "Once again, she makes sure we are together. It's becoming her thing. Thank god! I was going crazy not being able to see you!" He kissed her again.

"Yeah, when she loves someone, she's got a huge heart. I'm glad it's me she loves." She laughed.

"Me too, me too." He took her hand and led her to a car.

Julie touched Amanda's arm when she walked by and smiled. She looked at Niall and mouthed "hate you" to him. He kissed her on the cheek and mouthed "hate you, too".   
Julie then looked up to see Harry coming through the small crowd of people and crew gathered. They wanted to talk to him, and he was trying to be polite, but tried to slide through them. Louis finally jumped in and took everyone's attention away, so Harry could get free.

Julie took a deep breath as he got closer. Just seeing him again was driving her crazy. She may have a little more clarity, but he still clouded her judgement. When he stopped right in front of her, she looked up at him. "Hi," was all she managed to say.

"Hi." He said. He reached out to touch her but then stopped himself short. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. He could feel tears gathering in his eyes. He was so surprised she was here. It was a bit overwhelming.

Julie watched his hand, and when he stopped himself, she reached out and took it. She didn't want to see him hurt. No matter what, she never meant to hurt him. She watched his fingers intertwine with hers. After they did, she looked up at him to see a tear escape his eye. "Please don't cry. I don't think I could take it. I'm sorry."

"I was afraid I would never see you again." He said looking into her eyes. "I hated it."

"I know. I know I'm difficult. I know I'm stubborn and hard-headed. I will never be the easiest person to get along with. Sometimes I even drive myself crazy. I can't promise that I won't have moments of complete stupidity, especially when I'm overwhelmed. I don't like it either, but it's me." She hated talking about this. She hated admitting it. She wanted to be done with it and just turn away, but she couldn't. She had to do this. "I'm having a hard time with the fact that I can't stop thinking about you, that I missed you even before you left. I needed to deny everything I was feeling so that I wouldn't get hurt. I suck at all of this, Harry," She wiped a stray tear from her own eye. "But I can't imagine not having you in my life right now."

"Julie." He said as he put his hand behind her neck and looked her in the eyes. He didn't know what to say. He was a bit overwhelmed himself at the moment. He didn't expect her to be so open with him. He could tell she was fighting to get through it and that it was difficult. He could tell she wanted to run, but she didn't. She pushed through it to make him understand.

"I am sorry, Harry. If I hurt you at all, I didn't mean to. I didn't think I had enough power to hurt you. I figured I wasn't hurting anyone but myself. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday gift either. It was perfect. He helped me get through and helped me realize that I wanted the real arms around me." She took a deep breath. This was the hardest thing she'd ever done. It was not in her nature to be this open. She almost didn't know what to do. She started shifting from one foot to the other.

Amanda was watching the interaction between Harry and JJ. She couldn't hear what was being said as they were off a bit from everyone else, but she could see. She could tell JJ was getting ready to pull back. She was getting antsy, and she knew it would only be a matter of time. She was glad they were talking though. She was glad JJ took Harry's hand when he stopped himself. She was quite proud of the way JJ stayed to talk to him. She could tell by the look on Harry's face that she must be opening up to him. He had a kind of overwhelmed, shocked look on his face.

"Just say you'll be my difficult, stubborn problem, Julie." He said. "All I want is a chance to prove to you I want to be with you. I want to be there for you in every way." When she took a deep breath, he knew she was struggling to deal with all of this. He was quite happy she hadn't run yet. He was afraid she was going to. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. "I won't let you go. Not until you agree." He needed to lighten it up a little so she didn't bolt.

She tried to push him away her hands against his chest, but he just held tighter. She looked up at him. "On one condition."

"And what condition is that?" He asked suspiciously.

"That we can stop talking about my feelings right now." She said.

He laughed probably harder than he should have. He should have known. "Ok, if you agree to give me a real chance. We can stop for now."

"I think I've always been yours." She said quietly.

He couldn't wait any longer. Not after she'd said that. He kissed her. He had missed her so much. He had her back now and was so relieved.   
Julie hid her head in his chest as they heard everyone cheering when they kissed. How embarrassing.

"I think they are just happy I will stop moping around now." Harry laughed as he put his hand behind her head and held her to him. He kissed the top of her head. He didn't want to move. It was all perfect right in that moment. He finally let go and stepped back slightly. "Are you coming with us?" he asked. He didn't want to assume anything or push her too much.

She nodded. "Yeah, we're staying for a while."

"Good, let's go then." He took her hand and led her to the car. They were supposed to go from Tampa to Miami tonight. He wondered if he could smuggle her on the bus. They were going back to the hotel first and then getting on the buses. It was a bit unusual, but he was glad to get the time in the car with her. He wasn't sure if she would be allowed to travel in the buses with them. He had to respect there were other people on the bus.

Both Harry and Niall were disappointed when they realized Julie and Amanda would be driving separately. Neither was ready to let go. Didn't matter it was only a 4 hour drive. They tried to talk them into letting them road trip with them, but they weren't having it. They stated it was better this way. They didn't want the fans or paparazzi on them just yet. They had a rental car, and they would meet them at the hotel. The guys had 2 days off in between shows, and the girls were excited to vacation in Miami. They hadn't had a vacation together yet. Adding Harry and Niall into the mix was even better. They said their see you laters and went their separate ways.

Julie drove first. Amanda thought she was being extra quiet. "You and Harry looked pretty intense when you talked."

"Panda, do we really have to talk about this? I think I've expended my feelings' talk for quite some time."

Amanda laughed. "I'm sure you did. But, yes. We do. Did you tell him how you feel?"

"Amanda." Julie said, but she saw Amanda set her jaw and look at her with her arms crossed. "I am rubbing off on you way too much. Yes, sort of. I told him I was sorry, that I didn't mean to hurt him and that I would always be difficult and stubborn and couldn't promise anything. Told him that I would 'be his' as long as we could stop talking about my feelings. There, you got the cliff notes version."

"I'm actually quite proud of you. I know that was hard for you. Now if we can just get you to show some real emotion, you might become a real girl yet." Amanda laughed. "Ouch!" Amanda exclaimed and laughed harder when JJ backhanded her across the shoulder. "What?"


	9. Chapter 9

When the girls got to the hotel, the guys were there already. The girls had stopped a couple of times on the way. They were actually enjoying the trip down to Miami. Acting silly singing along to One Directions songs the whole way. They laughed and had a great time. The fans were out in full force even though it was like 6 am by the time they got there. It was unbelievable. They had to show the parking guy their reservation confirmation just so they could get in the parking garage. They were glad they had a covered garage and entrance. JJ was especially worried, since they were recognized last night. She didn't want that right now. They grabbed their bags and went inside. 

Lottie had set them up with a room on the floor the guys were on. They got their key and went up there. They put their bags in their room and decided they were going to see Niall and Harry. They went and knocked on the door after security told them which rooms they were in. They were across the hall from each other. Neither answered. They must be sleeping. The girls looked at each other and shrugged. 

"Our room or breakfast?" Julie asked. She was still wide awake for some reason. 

"Breakfast" Amanda said. "Couldn't sleep anyway. And I'm hungry." 

They turned, and Julie ran smack into Zayn. He steadied her with a hand on each shoulder. "Nice running into you." He said with a laugh. 

"Ouch." Julie laughed. "Don't sneak up on people like that." 

"What are you two gorgeous ladies up to?" He asked. 

"Neither Niall nor Harry are answering their doors. So we are going to breakfast. Then maybe try to wake them up." Amanda said. 

"Let me talk to Paul. I bet he can get keys, and you can sneak attack them." Zayn said laughing. 

"Sure." Julie said laughing. "Sounds fun." 

Zayn left and came back a few minutes later. "He will get the keys and bring them to you. Come on; let me buy you two breakfast." He put both his arms out elbows first so each could take one. 

They each grabbed an arm. "By all means, fine sir." Julie said. Wow, they were all so kind and so good looking. Five totally different guys, but each so kind. 

They went down to the restaurant with Zayn. Luckily, it was still pretty early and quiet. They got to sit towards the back and talk. Zayn was super easy to talk to. Julie didn't find him all that mysterious like everyone made him out to be. He was kind and funny and extremely fun to talk to. They laughed through breakfast, and after Paul brought the keys to the girls, Zayn offered his arms again and walked them back to the rooms. 

"Thanks for being my breakfast dates," He kissed each on the cheek. "Time for some sleep." He walked to his room. 

"Huh," Julie said. "Never expected that." 

"Right?" Amanda said. "Nice guy though. Was nice to get to know him a little better." 

"Yeah, I've talked to him a couple times. Seems very gracious and humble." Julie said. "And only between us. He's not hard to look at." She laughed. 

"No, he's not. But we will keep that between us for now." Amanda laughed. 

She took the key and opened Niall's door quietly. She walked over to his bed. He was sound asleep. He looked so cute and so peaceful. She took her cold hands and put them right on his bare back. She laughed super hard when he jumped up and spun over. Niall immediately grabbed her arms and pulled her onto the bed pinning her down. "Not nice." He growled at her. 

"You're so cute when you growl." Amanda said still laughing. 

"How did you get in here?" He asked. 

"Well I knocked, but you must've been asleep and didn't answer. Harry didn't either, so Julie and I decided to go to breakfast. We ran into Zayn. JJ literally did, and he talked to Paul who said he would get us keys while Zayn took us to breakfast." She answered. 

"You've been busy this morning. Sorry I didn't answer." He said. 

"No problem; you need to sleep sometime. We had fun." She said. 

"Yeah, I do need to sleep sometime. Just, not now." He said as he leaned down and kissed her. He'd missed her terribly. He ran his hand up her hip and under her shirt slightly so he was touching her bare skin. 

Amanda flinched when his hand found her skin. Wow. She hoped he didn't feel like she was pressuring him because of the conversation they had. "Niall, I don't want you to think you have to. I'm ok with just being here with you." 

"I don't feel I have to. I fought it the last time we were together. I don't want to fight it anymore. Ok?" he said looking into her eyes. 

"More than ok." She said. She thought she could feel him looking deep into her soul. She reached up and ran her hands down his back. 

Niall climbed over her so he was looking down at her. He slowly moved his hand further up her shirt bringing it up her body with his hand. He kissed her stomach inch by inch up to her chest. He slid the shirt up over her head and found her lips. He kissed her passionately and deeply. He moved to the side of her neck. 

Amanda was going crazy at his touch. It was so worth the wait, she thought. He was taking his time, and she enjoyed every moment. She thought she was going to explode though. This was finally it. It was more then she even imagined it would be. 

Julie let herself into Harry's room. She took off her shoes and went and looked at him sleeping, cuddled up in the fluffy comforter. He looked so sweet and so cute. She saw he had no shirt on. She hoped he at least had on something. She lifted the blanket and was relieved he had on a pair of shorts. After everything, a naked Harry was not a good thing at this time. She carefully climbed in beside him under the comforter. Since he was on his side facing her, she lifted up his arm and carefully scooted as close to him as possible and wrapped his arm around her. She buried her face into his chest. 

Harry didn't even open his eyes. He knew her smell. He knew right away what was happening. He pulled her as close as he possibly could and rested his chin on her head. This is what he wanted. How did she get in here? he thought. It didn't even matter. This felt right. He felt dampness on his chest. It took him a minute, but he realized she was crying. Why was she crying? He rolled away slightly and tried to untangle her from him enough to look at her face. He felt her tighten her arms. She didn't want him to look at her. "Baby, why are you crying?" He instinctively rubbed her back. 

"I'm not." She said barely audible because her face was still buried in his chest. 

"Julie." He said. They'd come so far, and he didn't want her to close back up. 

She took a minute and then rolled onto her back wiping her eyes quickly. "I'm ok. Really. I'm not sure what's come over me." She reached up instinctively and played with the same curl of hair she did the first time they were together. 

Harry smiled. He loved when she did that. He kissed her lightly on the forehead, cheek, nose, and neck. He wrapped her tightly in his arms again. "We can talk when you're ready. I'm ok with this." 

"Don't let go, ok? I'm afraid I'm falling." She whispered. 

He knew what she meant. But he didn't want to push too hard. He thought to himself 'I already fell', but he didn't say it. He figured that would really scare her. One thing at a time. "I will never let you hit the ground." He said instead. He held her until she fell asleep. He pulled back slightly to look at her. Even in her sleep she still seemed slightly on edge. He wished he could take away her fear and her pain. He hoped he could someday. If she kept opening up to him, maybe he could figure out why she was so scared and why she was so guarded, but for now what she said today was enough. It might have been hard for her, but she made sure he knew she wanted him. To him, that was progress. He had time to figure the rest out as long as he had her while doing it. He finally fell asleep holding her in his arms. 

Julie started waking up. She was so tired though that she had a hard time opening her eyes. The emotional roller coaster she'd been on finally seemed to have caught up with her. She was kind of cramped up, but she was so comfortable laying in Harry's arms head on his chest that she didn't think she moved at all while she was sleeping. She felt Harry start to stir. She kissed his chin. "Hi."

He smiled. "Hi. So glad to know the last 18 hours weren't a dream. I was afraid I would wake up to find it all a dream."

"You mean a nightmare? Aren't I more of a nightmare?" she teased.

"No not at all. I enjoy your stubborn ass." He said as he slapped her butt.

She lay back down on his chest. "Liar." She laughed.

"I'm serious. We have a lot to talk about." He said.

Julie was relieved when there was a knock at the door. She got up to answer it. "No! We've already exhausted my feelings talk yesterday. I can't do it again today. Nope, sorry." She opened the door to Amanda and Niall. She went back and crawled on the bed and covered her head with the comforter.

"What are you doing?" Amanda asked.

Harry laughed. "I tried to make her talk again. She said she's exhausted her feelings talk." He took the pillow and smacked her body with it.

Niall shook his head, and Amanda laughed. "She did seem to do more of it yesterday than in the whole time I've known her. I told her she might become a real girl yet."

"I hate you all." They heard a muffled voice say from under the comforter.   
All three of them laughed.

"C'mon; the beach is calling our names." Niall said. "Get your asses up. Everyone else has left already."

"Did you girls bring your bikinis you had last time we were at the beach?" Harry asked. "I know I wouldn't mind seeing them again. Ouch!" He laughed. Julie had reached out from under the blanket and pinched him.   
"What? Don't hate. Niall, you guys go. We will get ready and meet you guys there."

"Alright, don't take too long. Got lots to do." He took Amanda's hand and walked her out.

Harry pulled the comforter from her head. "Are you hungry? We can order something."

"We went to breakfast earlier. I think I'm still full." Julie said.

"When?" Harry asked.

"You and Niall must have been sleeping when we got here so we decided to go have breakfast. I literally ran into Zayn. Zayn said we should sneak attack you guys, and he talked to Paul who said he would get us keys to your rooms, and then Zayn took us to breakfast." Julie explained.

"Zayn took you to breakfast? Really?" Harry asked.

"Not me, us, it was a very kind gesture." Julie said.

"You seem to get along rather well with Zayn." Harry said.

"I do. I get along rather well with every one of the guys. Except you, apparently." She said.

Harry threw a pillow at her. "Hey! Be nice."

Julie caught the pillow. "I was too nice yesterday. What do you expect from me, Mr. Styles?"

"Nothing, you brat." He said shaking his head.

"Eh, I've been called much worse." She started laughing when he grabbed her.

"Ok sassy." He kissed her deeply.

When it was over she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest. It was becoming her new favorite place to be. "Guess you found a way to shut me up."

He held her tightly. "Yes, and I think I may use it more often. Ouch!" He laughed when she playfully bit him. "Sometimes you talk too much. But only when you're teasing me. Otherwise you don't talk enough."

"Ok, I will shut up. Definitely don't want to go there. I will go get ready now." She didn't move.

"Um, I think you have to let go before you can do that." He said.

"Dammit." After a few more minutes she pulled back. "Stop being so bossy."

God, she was fun. When she was like this, it was like they got on so well. She was sassy and playful. That other side of her though was rather complicated. He had to accept both. He wanted to figure out that other side. He had a feeling it would be a lot of work and take a lot of time. But having this side of her show, he believed he could manage. "No, now go get ready."

She stuck her tongue out at him and went to her room to get showered and changed.


	10. Chapter 10

Amanda watched Harry and JJ walk towards them hand in hand.  She was so happy they were together now.  She knew there would be bumps in the road, but she was hoping they would remain together and work through them.  She wrinkled her lips though when JJ dropped his hand when they got closer to people.  She really wished JJ would stop worrying about what everyone else thought.  She was pleasantly surprised when it didn’t seem to faze Harry.  He kept walking, talking to her with a smile on his face.  Maybe he really would be the one who understood her. She watched him take JJ's beach bag and set it on the chairs next to her and Niall.

“About time you guys got here.”  Niall said.  “What took you so long?”

Amanda smacked his shoulder.  “Don’t ask that question.”

“OMG, you two.”  Julie admonished.  “Get your minds out of the gutter.”

Amanda laughed.  “Well, it’s a safe assumption; isn’t it?”

“It is not; now shut up.”  Julie said.  She looked at Amanda and knew immediately.  “But apparently, you’re thinking that way for a reason.”  She watched Amanda blush, and Niall put his head in his hands.  She smiled and starting unpacking her bag.

“Ok, you shut up now!  Go back to being close mouthed.”  Amanda said embarrassed.  “Maybe I don’t like open-mouthed JJ as much as I thought I would.”

“I like open-mouthed Julie.”  Harry said.

Julie turned to him quickly and gave him a shocked look like "you did not just say that".

Niall and Amanda busted up laughing.  “I'm sure you do friend,”  Niall said.

“Wait!  That’s not….I wasn’t….I didn’t mean….”  Harry stammered.  “Oh, what the hell. Yeah, I'm sure that way, too.”

“We had no doubts Harry,”  Amanda said.

“Alright sickos, enough talking about my mouth and what I do with it.”  Julie shook her head.  “Disgusting jerks.”

“You started it.”  Amanda said.

“No, actually Niall did.  Not my fault you two are so obvious,”  Julie countered.

“Hey!”  Niall exclaimed.  “This conversation got out of control quickly!”

Julie just laughed and took out her sunscreen.  She looked at Amanda and raised her eyebrows a couple times like "way to go".

“JJ, I swear.”  Amanda laughed though.

“Ok, you’ve properly embarrassed them.”  Harry said to Julie.  “Let me help you with that sunscreen. Before they try and hurt you.”

“I'm not scared.”  Julie said laughing.  She handed Harry the sunscreen but looked around first to make sure they weren’t being photographed.

Amanda looked at Niall.  “I'm so sorry about her.”

He laughed.  “Oh Princess, I know you can’t control her.  Besides, I'm not ashamed.”

She kissed him.  “I don’t care who knows either.”

The rest of the day was spent having fun in the sun, sand, and water.  All the guys' girlfriends were there to spend some time with them.  It made for an entertaining day.  JJ had had enough sun and water, so she went back pulled her chair in the shade and took out her notebook and headphones.  It relaxed her, and she needed it.  It had been a rough month for her.  After a while of being lost in her notebook, she felt it pulled from her hands.  She looked up and saw Zayn.

“What are you writing in here?”  He said flipping pages.

“Zayn!”  She jumped up, taking her ear buds out, and tried to reach for it.  “Not funny; could I have it back, please?”

“C'mon I’ve seen pics of you always writing in here, and I'm curious.”  He said turning away from her.  “Wow.”  He said.

“Zayn, please.  It's not for anyone else.  Just myself.  It's private.”  Julie begged him.

He looked at her and saw tears filling her eyes.  “Ok.  I'm sorry, really.”  He handed it back.  “I don’t know why you’re hiding it though.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.  Please just let it go and whatever you read.  Just forget it.  Ok?”  Julie begged of him.

“Yeah ok, for now.  But I don’t know why.”  She was talented, he thought.  He wasn’t sure why she wouldn’t let anyone see it.  But he would keep it to himself for now.  Maybe try to talk her into sharing some other time.

Harry and Perrie walked up towards Zayn and Julie.  They were a little curious as to what the intense conversation was about.  When they got to them, Harry saw Julie put her notebook away.  “Hey, what’s going on?”  He asked.

“Nothing. Zayn is just teasing me like everyone else.  Seems to be a theme these days.”  Julie said.

Perrie looked at Zayn.  “Can’t you just behave?”

“No.”  He said.  “Just wanted to know what she’s always writing in that thing.  Sorry Julie.”

“It's alright.”  She closed her bag back up and sat back down.  She watched Zayn and Perrie walk away.

“What was that all about?”  Harry asked sitting down beside her.

“Just what we said.  He got a little snatchy, but didn’t mean any harm.”  She said.

“Well, what do you always write in there?”  He asked.

“Nothing interesting.  Just helps me relax and get things out.  If I didn’t, I'd probably be more difficult.”  She said.

“I will buy you 100 more notebooks then.”  He teased.

“Shut up, you ass.”  Julie said.

“C’mon, we're all going to this outside restaurant bar place, down the beach a little.  Like a Quintuple date.”  He said.

“Did you just make that up?”  Julie laughed.

“Isn’t that a word?  Quintuplets is.”  He said.

“You’re right. It is for babies; dunno about dates.  I will pretend it is though.”  She grabbed her bag. “You’re not even old enough to drink at a bar are you?  You baby.”  She said.

“Here, technically no.  Soon though.   
Totally legal back home.”  He said.

“Wow, what am I doing with such a kid?”  She teased.

“I'm not….”  He started, but then saw the amused expression on her face.  “I've always had a thing for older women.  Haven't you heard?”  He thought she was being serious, but he was wrong.

“Good thing.”  She said.  “Besides I've always wanted to be a cougar.”

He bursted out laughing.  “I'm not sure you can classify yourself as that.  You haven't told me how old you are, but you can't be that much older.”  He said.  “Although, I'd be ok with it, even if you were.”

“Great answer.”  She looked at him as they approached the table.  “I just turned 24.  That’s ancient compared to you.”

“Oh yeah, dunno what I'm doing with such an old lady.”  He shook his head and laughed.

“Oh, don’t pretend I'm the oldest you’ve been with.  I've heard about you.  I'm just a baby.  I'm probably less experienced than you.”  She laughed.

“Are we really going to go there?”  He asked.  He was now curious about her past.

“Actually, no.  I don’t wanna know.  Rumor, truth, I don’t wanna know.”  She said. “We're good.”

He laughed.  “Thank god.”  He said.

She sat down as he pulled out the chair for her next to Eleanor, Louis’ girlfriend.  She looked across the table at Amanda.  She wasn’t sure this was a great idea. It was a lot less private than she was hoping for.  What if pictures got out?  She was trying really hard not to freak out, but being with Harry was going to get the media on her if they ever found out.  She wasn’t looking forward to it.  She looked around the room and hoped it wouldn’t happen tonight.  They all talked and had a great time.  It was nice getting to know the other girls.  After they had all eaten, they went to the bar part of the restaurant that had a dance floor.  Of course, it wasn’t long before the guys were recognized and asked for autographs and selfies.  The girls stayed back.  It was crazy.

“How do you deal with this all the time?”  Amanda asked Eleanor and Liam’s girlfriend, Sophia.  Perrie, Zayn's fiancé, was a celebrity in her own right so was also signing and taking pictures.

“It just kind of becomes a part of the day.”  Sophia said.

Julie looked at her.  “Really?”

She laughed.  “Never said you really get used to it.”

“Yeah, let's get a drink.  Um, well, Amanda and I can.”  Julie said.

“So can I,”  said Eleanor.  “We can get Sophia one.  No one will tell.”

They walked over to the bar and got drinks.  They were talking for quite a while.  The girls noticed that some fans were making their way closer to them.  They could over hear their conversation.  Julie looked at Eleanor and Sophia when she heard them talking horribly about them.  They didn’t say anything.

Amanda put her hand on Julie’s arm.  “JJ, don’t.  I can see it in your eyes.  Let it go.”

Julie bit the inside of her cheeks, pursed her lips, and shook her head.  She was starting to get angry.  No one should talk about people like that.  They shouldn’t be allowed to call themselves fans.  How could they talk about any of their girlfriends that way?  How did Sophia and Eleanor take it?

Amanda tried to keep her calm.  “It's ok.  They don’t know what they are talking about.  C’mon let's just move.”  She was hoping it would work.  She thought it did, as JJ got up and started to walk with them.  She stopped though, when she heard them say that there’s no way any relationship could last.  No one talked about her friends that way.  New or not.   
Julie turned around, even though Amanda grabbed her arm, she jerked it away quickly. 

She walked right up to them and confronted them.  By the way they reacted, she guessed they didn’t expect it.  “Who the hell do you think you are talking about people you don’t know a thing about or relationships you know nothing of?  You wanna talk shit when you know they can hear you, just to try and make them feel bad? You best make sure there’s no one around who won’t call you out on your bullshit.”  She put her hand up when they started to talk back.  “Shut your mouth.  You call yourselves fans; well if you were, you wouldn’t talk shit about people they care about.  Friends, girlfriends, family, it doesn’t fucking matter.  In fact, I think you can see you’re way right out of this place before I have your rude nasty asses kicked right out.  And believe me, I can make it happen.”  She was steaming, she was so angry.

Amanda sent Sophia and Eleanor to see if they could get a member of the security team to come assist and went up to try to pull JJ away.  “JJ, come on. They aren’t worth it.  Please.”

Julie pulled her arm away from Amanda again.  “No, they won’t get away with the bullshit spewing from their mouths.  Nobody talks about my friends that way.”  She said angrily.

Amanda was shocked. JJ wasn’t usually this angry.  She was always complex and closed off, but mainly stayed relatively calm.  “Let's just go.  We don’t need a scene, JJ.”

She didn’t care about a scene at the moment.  She wasn’t going to listen to it.

Sophia and Eleanor got a security member and explained.  They went over and got Louis and Liam's attention.  They explained what was happening and the reason it was happening.  They told them the “fans” were talking bad about them and that Julie wasn’t having any of it.

Louis especially was angry; he was so tired of people talking crap about Eleanor and calling themselves fans.  “I say they get whatever she gives them.”

Liam always the peacemaker agreed to a point.  “But, It could cause more trouble for JJ than for them.”  He pointed out.  Everyone seemed to be starting to call her JJ.

Louis grimaced.  “Had to point that out, didn't ya?  Guess we should tell Niall and Harry.”

Amanda was still trying to keep herself between JJ and the other women when security came over.  They started to escort the girls to the door, and Amanda got JJ to finally turn away when one of them opened their mouth again.  Before she knew it, JJ had turned back around and went right for them.  One of the security members basically grabbed her around the waist, picked her up and carried her back to the secured area.  Amanda swore she could see fire in JJ's eyes.  She honestly wasn’t sure what to do or say.  She usually knew how to deal with JJ, but she’s never had to really deal with her anger.  Not like this.  Even when they had their fight, she wasn’t angry like this.

“I’m leaving.”  JJ finally said.  “Apparently, I’m just not cut out for a scene like this.  I need a drink, but not here.  I’m going back to the hotel and drinking there.”  She grabbed her bag, and Amanda tried to stop her to get her to wait for her and Niall and Harry. But a member of the security said they would get her back to the hotel, and Amanda thought it would be best for her to get out of the situation. So she said ok and went to find Sophia and Eleanor and hopefully Harry and Niall.  She didn’t know what to do.

Amanda walked up to Eleanor and Sophia.  “Do you know where Niall and Harry are?”

“Liam and Louis went to find them.  Tell them what was going on.  Where’s JJ?”  Eleanor asked.

“Michael took her back to the hotel. I think it's best she got out of the situation. Although they did kick the other girls out.”  Amanda said.  She was still perplexed.

“I’ve heard some pretty awful things from fans, but I’ve never had someone stick up for me like that.  Especially since we just met today.  Louis seemed quite impressed and that they deserved whatever she gave them.”  Eleanor said.

“Yeah, it was quite incredible what she did.  Liam was afraid it would cause trouble for her though.  Hope it doesn’t.”  Sophia said.

“I'm not sure what to say.  This is honestly the first time I’ve seen her THAT angry.  I don’t know what came over her.  It was kind of scary.”  She watched as all the guys and Perrie came over to where they were.

Harry immediately looked for Julie.  “Where’s Julie?”

“We haven’t told them yet.”  Liam said.  “Figured we better get them alone first.”

“Michael took her back to the hotel.”  Amanda said.  She was visibly shaken.

Niall immediately went to her.  “What’s wrong?  Is everything ok?”

“Why would she leave just like that?”  Harry asked.  “What did I do now?”

Amanda hugged Niall.  She felt much better in his arms.  “Nothing Harry. This time it had nothing to do with you.”

Eleanor, Sophia and Amanda told the story, and everyone was just quiet when they were done.

Louis wrapped his arms around Eleanor.  “Well, I for one wish I would have seen it.  I'm sick of them saying whatever they want, and no one doing anything.”

“I’ve just never seen her so angry.  She was quite scary.  I couldn’t get through to her for anything.”  Amanda said.  “I don’t know where it came from.”

Niall rubbed her arms.  “Are you ok?  You seem worked up.”

“Yeah.  Worried about her I suppose.  I'm kind of afraid she’s going to close herself off completely now.  She couldn’t wait to get out of here.  Couldn’t wait to be alone.  She said she needed to drink but not here.  She doesn’t drink much at all.”  She looked at Harry who still hadn’t said a word.  “Harry, are you ok?  Do you wanna go back to the hotel now?”

“Yeah, of course.  I guess I'm just shocked.  She’s been so adamant about staying out of the spot light. I'm surprised she did something that thrust her in the middle of it.”  He said.

“I know. I was shocked too.  But to her defense, they were saying some pretty nasty things.  She said they couldn’t call themselves fans; because if they were, they wouldn’t talk shit about people you guys care about.  Friends, girlfriends, family, she said it didn’t fucking matter.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard her swear so much.  Difficult yes, but she's always remained pretty calm and mellow mouthed.  Not tonight though.”  Amanda said.

“Maybe we should stop encouraging her to open up.  Look what it gets us.”  Niall joked.

Amanda rolled her eyes at him.  “Not now, Niall.  Can we go see about her, please?”

“Yes, of course.  Harry?”  Niall went to take Amanda’s hand.

“Let's leave separate Niall.”  Amanda said.  “It's probably not a good time to be seen together.”

He hated it, but he understood.  Everyone decided it was time to leave; so the guys went their way, and the girls stayed with Amanda and then headed back to the hotel.  When they walked in, they saw Michael.

“Hey, thanks for bringing Julie back.” Harry said.  “Do you know where she is?”

“Just took her to her room.  I convinced her it was probably best she stay out of busy bars right now.”  He said.  “She was pretty quiet on the way here, but she was pretty heated before that.  You should have seen it.  James literally caught her around the waist when she went towards them and carried her away.  He said she’s stronger then she looks.”

Harry just shook his head.  “I wish I could have seen it.”

“See!”  Louis said.  “I'm not the only one!”

“They didn’t know what was happening.  Those girls were shocked.  It was actually kind of nice to see someone stand up to them. They didn’t stop talking crap the whole way out.”  Michael said.  “Enjoy the rest of your night.  I better get to my post.”

“Make sure you thank her for us.”  Eleanor said.

“Yeah, and tell her next time to wait until I’m there.”  Louis said as they walked away.

Amanda, Niall and Harry went to the room the girls had gotten when they came.  Amanda unlocked the door, and they went inside.  It was dark and very quiet.  Amanda turned on a lamp and looked around.  She saw her on the balcony.  “JJ?  Come back in here please.”

She saw JJ tighten her grip on the railing, but after a few seconds, she let go and turned around.  She walked in and closed the door.

“What the hell happened back there?”  Amanda said to her.  When Amanda saw her face, she moved to her quickly and got to her the same time Harry did.  She had been crying.  Hard it seemed.  Her eyes were puffy and red, and her face still wet.  “Oh god. Don’t cry.  I don’t think I can handle this emotional JJ.”  Amanda hugged her.

Harry kept his hand on her, but let Amanda comfort her.  It was kind of hard on him, but it seemed to be what they needed right then.

“I'm sorry.  I shouldn’t have done it, but there’s just so much it brought back in a weird way.  And then I just kept thinking that it could’ve easily been you they were talking about.  When they find out about you and Niall, there are going to be people who talk the same shit about you.  I don’t think I can handle that.  I can’t just sit by and let them talk about you that way.  Maybe I'm insane, but hearing all the things they were saying about people Louis and Liam care deeply for kinda pushed me and thinking it could be you next.  I lost it, and I'm sorry.  To all of you.  I didn’t mean to cause a scene or cause you guys any grief.  I don’t think I’m cut out for this.”  Julie said.  She was trying not to cry.

Amanda still hadn’t let go.  JJ had done it for her.  Even though she didn’t know it at the time, it figured.  JJ was always protective of her, but this had gone a lot further than anything else.  It made sense in a weird way.  “They could have been talking about you, too.  I never thought about it that way.”

Julie took a deep breath.  She hadn't either.  This was going to be even more difficult then she thought.  “I don’t care about what they say about me.  But when it comes to you, I won’t take it.  You can bet on that.”

Amanda kissed her cheek and looked up at Harry.  “I'd better let you two talk.  I love you, JJ. If you need me, call me anytime.”  She walked back to Niall, took his hand, and went to his room with him.

Harry reached for her, and she stepped back from him. She was going to push away and pull back and close herself off.  Amanda was right.  But, why?  What was she talking about it brought things back in a weird way?  He wasn’t going to let her push him away though.  Not this time.  “Hey, don’t do that.  Let me be here for you.”  He reached his hand out towards her.  He had to be careful.  Pushing too hard would cause her to pull away faster.  It took her a minute, but he was once again relieved when she took his hand.

“I got so angry.  I'm sorry.  I hope it doesn’t cause you or the guys too much trouble.  It's like I couldn’t even think straight.”  She said starting to cry again. 

Just like Amanda, Harry was having a hard time with this emotional girl standing in front of him.  She was normally a little standoffish and unemotional, strong and sassy; but this was different.  He was convinced something more was going on.  Yes, he believed her when she said she got angry because she was afraid it was going to happen to Amanda; but there was something else.  “What did it bring back Julie?  What memory?”  He asked her wrapping his arms around her.  He felt her stiffen when he said it.  There was no doubt something else going on.  “Talk to me.”

“No, I explained.  I don’t want it to be Amanda.  And I said I'm sorry.”  She said.

Her tears stopped, and she was becoming emotionally unattached again.  He couldn’t push her anymore right now.  “Ok.  Louis was quite pleased with you sticking up for Eleanor.  He said he wished he would have seen it.  Honestly, I wish I would have too.  I wish I were the one who would have caught you and carried you away.  I kinda like that protective streak.  That temper is hot.”  He said.

“I was wrong.  And again I'm sorry.”  She said.

“So, I'm sure those fans are going to have something to talk about now.”  Harry said.

“They aren’t fans!  Not if they can talk like that about the guys' girlfriends.  And they can kiss my fucking ass.  They may be your “fans”, but I don’t give a shit if they like me.”  She said, her eyes filling with anger as she stepped away from him.

“Ok, I know this is wrong; but damn, that’s sexy.”  Harry said walking up to her.  “It turns me on.”  He raised his eyebrows at her, put his hands on her hips, and pulled her to him.  He kissed her.  Aggressively.  There was another way to work out her frustrations, and it would be a lot more fun than talking about what happened tonight.  He would dig deeper into what caused her outburst, but not now.  Now, they would be together, and he could help ease the tension that way.  When she reached up and pulled open his button down shirt, he knew he was right.  Tonight would be different.  Tonight, he would make sure she was pleasured more than she'd ever been before and that her frustrations and stress would be relieved.  Tonight would be all about her, and whatever he got out of it would be bonus.  He moved his hands around to her butt and picked her up so her legs were straddling his waist and took her to bed.  It would be a wonderful night indeed.

Niall walked Amanda to his room and took her inside.  She was abnormally quiet.  When he walked up to her, he was shocked to see her crying.  “Hey, what's wrong?  Why are you crying?  You’re worrying me here.”  He said as he took her in his arms.

She looked up at him slowly.  “I'm just….I've just never seen her like that.  Ever.  I probably shouldn't have left; but if she saw me break down, she would shut down completely to protect me.  I'm not sure what happened to her in her past to make her the way she is, but I'm more convinced now than ever something happened.”

He rubbed her arms.  “I'm listening, don't stop.  I will listen to anything you need to say.”

“It's just the way she keeps her distance from everyone.  I know I'm closer to her than anyone else. I know she loves me. But she still keeps me out of some things.  It's almost like she shares enough to keep me satisfied, but always deflects and changes the subject if it gets too deep or too serious.  I just wish she would trust me.”  She said trying to stop crying.

“We all have things in our past we may look back on and regret.  Some people are just more open about it than others.”  He said.

“Yes, but I'm her best friend.  If she can't tell me or trust me, then who will she?”  She said crying again. “She's going to go crazy if she keeps everything inside.  I never noticed before Harry that she was completely afraid of falling for anyone.  But, why?  It couldn't be natural for anyone not to want to be in love, so there has to be a reason.  I can guess all I want; but if she doesn’t tell me, how can I help?”

Niall hugged her to him.  “By always being her best friend.  I understand you’re frustrated and hurt and upset, and you have every right to be.  But if you know there’s a reason, then just be there.  Let her know you will always listen and that you want her to open up.  But most of all, don’t turn away.  You’re the best person I know Amanda.  She acts differently with you than anyone else. If she trusts anyone, it's you.  Just be you, and it will eventually work itself out.”

“I’m still in shock she did what she did, and mainly because she thought it could happen to me.  How do you process that?”  She asked.

“However you feel.  You can talk to her more about it.  You will know.”  Niall said.

“I hoped Harry would have a better time talking to her, because I would probably just cry and get mad that she won’t tell me.”  She wiped her eyes.

“Well let's do something else to keep your mind off of it.”  Niall said wiping a tear with his thumb from her cheek.

“What did you have in mind?”  Amanda said smiling at him.

He grinned his evil grin at her.  “I'll show you.”  He pulled her to him and kissed her lips and then her neck.  He ran his hands over her ass and pulled her tighter to him.

When he pulled her tight to him, Amanda could tell right away that he was ready.  There was no denying it.  He wanted her, and she was still amazed at how much.  She was seriously on cloud nine.  She never knew a relationship could feel this right so quickly.  Everything he made her feel was mind blowing.  When he scooped her up and placed her gently on the bed, she wasn’t thinking about any of her problems anymore. When he took his shirt off and climbed over her, she opened up eagerly for him.  This was what she had been waiting her whole life for.  It couldn’t feel any better.  She was wrong.  When his mouth found her stomach, she tensed up.  When it found pleasure places she never knew existed, she almost screamed his name.  When he finally entered her, she nearly exploded.  It was the most intense feeling of pleasure she had ever experienced.  She was his.  There was no question about it.


	11. Chapter 11

"Harry, wake up." He heard Julie say and then felt her jump on him.

"I'm awake. I'm awake." He rolled onto his back which made her sit on his stomach. "Hi." He said as he put his hands on her hips.

"Hi, get up. I made Niall and Amanda breakfast in bed for his birthday, and I want to take it to them." She said as she tried to get off him.

He held her in place. "You made them breakfast? In a hotel?"

"Yes, well in the kitchen. You have very convincing people. They talked them into letting me use the kitchen. If you get up now, there might even be some for you." She leaned down and kissed him. She climbed off him and off the bed.

He pushed himself up. This was quite a different mood from the past couple days. He didn't know if it was a good thing. "When did you sleep?"

"I didn't. Not really. I don't want to get into it now, ok? I want to celebrate Niall's 21st birthday. Let's go."

"Yeah, since we didn't get to celebrate yours since someone forgot to tell me." He got up and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

"Yeah, yeah; I'm horrible sorry. Dunno why you put up with me." She said as she walked to the cart with the food on it.

"No, wait. Don't say that." He took her arm gently and turned her around so she was facing him. "Please that's not...."

"Harry, I was joking. Do you want to come with me to Niall's room or not?" She said to him.

"Julie it's just..." He started.

"No Harry, I don't want to discuss it. Let it go or don't come with me." She stated firmly.

"I'm coming." Avoiding, great, he thought. This was going to be difficult. Not now though. "Let's go." He opened the door for her.

Julie knocked on the door and waited. She knocked again when no one answered. When Amanda finally answered the door, Julie smiled at her. "Good morning. I made the birthday boy and you breakfast in bed. Can I deliver it please?"

"You made it? Yum. Yeah, c'mon in." Amanda stepped aside and let her through. She looked up at Harry like what's going on?

Harry shrugged and whispered. "I don't know. She's been acting like this. Won't discuss any of last night at all. She says she didn't really sleep, but won't talk about it."

"Oh, good." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them and looked at him. "And you? How are you doing?"

He shrugged. "To be determined, I suppose. And you?"

"Niall probably thinks I've lost my mind. I just wish she'd tell me what the hell is going on." She sighed.

He put his arm around her shoulder and walked towards the bedroom with her. "You and me both."

Julie parked the cart and jumped on the bed next to Niall. "Hey birthday boy, wake up!"

Niall heard JJ's voice and slowly opened his eyes. "Um, hi. What are you doing in my bed?"

"I'm not in your bed. I'm on your bed. Big difference!" She kissed his cheek. "Happy Birthday! I made you and Amanda a big birthday breakfast. I've heard you love food, so thought it would be a good start." She got down and brought a tray over with food on it for him. She pulled off the covers of the food. There was an omelet and French toast, home fries and fruit, bacon and toast.

"Holy shit JJ, you made this?" He asked. "Here? In a hotel?"

She laughed. "Same thing Harry asked. Yes, in their kitchen. You have convincing people."

"She's a great cook, Niall. You will love it." Amanda said appearing in the doorway with Harry's arm still around her shoulder.

"I'm ok, not great. Come on Panda. I made you some, too." She went and grabbed Amanda's arm and put her back in bed next to Niall. She then went back to the cart to get Amanda's tray.

Niall looked from Amanda to Harry, and both just shrugged at him. He was as dumbfounded as they were. JJ was way too happy.

"Here you go." JJ put the tray on Amanda's lap. "Hope you enjoy. I will leave you to it. Hope it's a great start to a great 21st birthday, my friend." She kissed them both on their cheeks.

"Thanks, JJ." Niall said. It didn't seem like enough, but he was confused.

"Any time! Enjoy your morning. I will see you later; and then after the show, we can really celebrate." She smiled and then walked up to Harry who was leaning against the door frame. "I left yours in your room. You should go eat."

He just sort of nodded. "Happy Birthday, Niall. Love ya, man. See ya later." He turned to walk out with Julie.

"Thanks Harry." He looked at Amanda. "Um, who was that?"

"Yeah, I don't know. I'm just as surprised as you. She can cook though; so let's enjoy. Oh, and by the way. Happy Birthday, handsome." She leaned over and kissed him.

"This birthday can't get any better. I have you, which is the best gift of all; and now I have food." He laughed.

"Well eat, 'cause you're gonna need the strength." She giggled.

"Oh hell, yes. I'm eating." He smiled at her.

Harry watched Julie as he ate. She was all over the place tidying up things that didn't need to be tidied. She sure seemed to be trying really hard to keep herself busy. Amanda was right though; she could cook. Everything was great. "Will you come here and sit down? You're making me tired by just watching you." He said to her.

"I'm good. Enjoy your breakfast." She said.

"I'd enjoy it more if you'd come eat with me." He tried.

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry." She restacked the magazines for the third time.

"Julie, please." He practically begged.

"Babe, I'm fine. Really." She leaned down and kissed him when she walked by.

He grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap. "Just, please. I will respect you don't want to talk right now. I promise; just please stop."

"Ok, sorry. How was your breakfast? Do you want anything else? I could..." Julie rambled.

"I'm good. You've done plenty. It was wonderful." He said.

"Are you sure? It wasn't too cold or..." she started.

He put his hand behind her neck. "It was perfectly fine. It wasn't necessary, but it was very much appreciated." He stood up and sat her in the chair he was just in. "Now I will clean this all up and make sure it all gets back to the kitchen. You sit right there."

She stood up. "I can do it."

He set her back in the chair. "I said I was going to. You sit right there. Ok?"

"Ok." She said.

He cleaned up the cart and took it down the hallway.

Later that day, they went to the venue for that nights show. When Niall saw Julie, he immediately went up and hugged her. "Thanks so much for breakfast! It was amazing. Why haven't you cooked for us before?" He hugged her tighter.

"No problem, Niall, I hope it was a good start to your birthday. I haven't really had the chance to cook for you before. It wasn't a big deal. I'm not the greatest, but I like someone who appreciates food." She stepped back and looked at him and Amanda. "Although I'm sure it wasn't the best present you got this morning." She smiled that innocent smile.

He and Amanda both blushed. "Oh, innocent doesn't work on any of us." Niall said. "Not from you. How are you doing?" He kept his hands on her arms.

"I'm good we're not talking about me today. It's all about you today, and if you try to argue with me, just trust you won't win. My mind is made up." She crossed her arms.

"Ok, ok. Don't get all scary on me." He kissed her cheek. "Thanks again."

The show started, and of course, the crowd was loud and incredible. A lot of signs went up for Niall's birthday. It was a sight to see. The girls were watching from backstage. There was always a sense of pride when the guys put on a show; they were all so good at it.

"Alright Amanda, I'm going to excuse myself now, go back to the hotel, and make sure the decorations and everything are good for Niall's surprise party. I want to make sure he has a great time." Julie said and squeezed Amanda's arm and turned away.

"Do you want me to go with you? And what do I tell Harry when you just disappear." Amanda asked.

"Harry knows. I told him earlier. He's gonna say he knew I might leave 'cause I wasn't feeling the greatest. No worries. I can handle it. I've got some help. Stay and enjoy." Julie said.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Amanda asked.

"I said it's not about me today. I'm kind of tired of the attention. See you soon." She walked away.

Amanda would never stop wondering, but she would honor JJ's wishes today and celebrate Niall's birthday. You only turn 21 once. She beamed with pride when the show went on without a hitch. The guys got the whole stadium to sing "Happy Birthday" to Niall. It was brilliant.

Julie went back to the hotel. Now that she was alone, she had a moment to breathe. She was ok when she was with everyone, she could put on an act. She really was losing her mind though when she was alone. So much going on and so many things she'd tried so hard to avoid. She wasn't doing a very good job of it. Especially with Harry. He was becoming everything she tried to avoid. But she couldn't worry about it right now. She had to make sure this was a great night for Niall.

She was grateful to the hotel staff and everyone else who was free when the guys were performing. They helped so much getting everything set up. She looked at the cake Amanda had helped pick out. It was perfect, and the decorations were amazing. There were foods she'd helped make earlier which was so much fun to prepare. There were drinks and a pretty decent sound system. She was pretty proud how she and Amanda had pulled it off.

After the show was over, Niall came back to Amanda and hugged her tight, picked her up off her feet and spun her around. "Hi, beautiful! What a night. Let's go party."

"Sounds good, but we have to stop at hotel first. I forgot my ID." She had her ID with her; she just needed to get Niall back to the hotel for his surprise party. She probably should have gone and helped JJ, but Niall would have been really suspicious.

"Alright, if you insist." He said.

"Guys, Amanda needs to stop at hotel to get her ID first. So we'll meet you at the club." He told everyone. They walked hand and hand to the car.

"He really has no clue, does he?" Liam asked.

"Not even a small one." Louis laughed. "What else is new?"

"We need to get back there before he does." Zayn said.

"Amanda's got it covered. Remind me never to get into a battle with Amanda and Julie. They are smart and sneaky and plan down to every detail. I would lose for sure." Harry said.

"Well, they are women, Harry." Eleanor said. "You wouldn't stand a chance."

Everyone laughed.

"Very true." Harry said. "You all are an evil bunch."

"No, just a lot smarter." Sophia said.

Harry walked into the room they always used as a gathering place at the hotel. It looked spectacular. He was impressed. Every detail was perfect and fit Niall. How Julie and Amanda pulled it off was amazing. They didn't seem to have enough time to do it. Everyone else walked in and were equally impressed. Harry looked around for Julie. It took him a minute, but he spotted her on the balcony on the other side of the room. He watched her as he walked towards her. She looked so beautiful in the moonlight and the wind blowing her hair. She looked calm and peaceful. He knew there was a storm inside her, and he wanted to know why; but he knew it wouldn't be tonight. He walked onto the balcony and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "This place looks amazing. I don't know how the two of you pulled this off." He kissed her neck.

"We wanted to. Wasn't too hard." She said holding his hands in front of her. She closed her eyes for a second and regathered herself. Happy, she thought. Just be happy. She turned to face him and pushed him back inside before she kissed him. "Back inside before the fans spot you out there. Don't need that."

"You think it would bother me if they knew about us?" He asked.

"Yes? No? I dunno. I think it's fine to keep it private. Whatever it is." She kissed him again. "I'm good without putting it out there. Long as I have you, no one else needs to know. You've always been pretty private with that, right?"

"I've never really hidden it. Just haven't discussed it in detail." He said.

"Well let's just take our time. Enjoy the quietness while we can." She wanted off the subject. "Niall should be here soon. Hope he likes it."

"He will love it. It's great." He said walking behind her and putting his arms around her again. He could never get enough of having her in his arms.

Amanda pretended to go through the whole room trying to find her ID. She had to stall Niall for a bit so everyone could get ready for the surprise. After about 20 minutes of looking, she said to Niall. "I can't seem to find it anywhere."

"You won't need it. Let's just go." He said.

"Oh, you know what? I could have left it in the banquet hall. We were all sitting in there, and I pulled out my wallet. I could've dropped it. Let's just go take a quick look. Please?" She asked.

"Ok, fine; it's on the way out anyway." Niall said.

He took her hand and walked down to the room. He pulled open the doors and walked in with Amanda. He was completely shocked and caught off guard when everyone yelled "surprise!" He had no idea. How did they pull it off? He looked at Amanda. "Did you know?" He was tearing up. It was such a great surprise.

"Yes, babe. JJ and I planned it with some help of course." She kissed him. "Happy Birthday, Niall." She wrapped her arms around his waist.

"You? And JJ? How? You weren't even away from me much. This is so much! You guys are incredible." He kissed her deeply.

"Ok, ok, break it up." Julie said as her and Harry walked up to them. "There's plenty of time for that later."

Niall smiled and kissed Amanda one more time. "Yes there will be; but I'm overwhelmed at all of this. I wasn't expecting it. I'm amazed."

"You deserve it, friend. Happy Birthday, Niall." Julie kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. "You're finally legal in this country. Go, enjoy. There's food and cake too."

"Sweet!" He hugged her back. "Thank you."

"What I don't get a thank you like you gave Amanda? I feel under appreciated." Julie pouted.

"Oh I appreciate it very much." He walked up to her grabbed her and pretended like he was going to kiss her.

"Whoa! Hey man, I know it's your birthday, but back off the girl." Harry said separating Julie and Niall.

"Yeah, hold on there. I share a lot of things but I won't share this ." Amanda said.

"Oh c'mon. He's only trying to thank me." Julie said smiling at Niall.

"Oh hell, no." Harry said. "Happy Birthday, brother!" He gave Niall a big hug. "I'm not sharing at all though." He picked Julie up and carried her to the other side of the room.

Julie laughed at him. "Spoil sport."

"Damn right. No one gets those lips but me." He kissed her.

"There's plenty to go around. He was just appreciating me." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I can appreciate you enough for everyone. Stop messing with me now." He practically growled at her.

"Never." But she stood on her tip toes and kissed him. She pulled back and smiled at him.

"You can be such a brat." He crinkled his eyebrows at her.

"Yes, I can." She said.

"Stop teasing about that now. For real. Niall or not, I don't want to think about you kissing some other guy." He pursed his lips at her.

"Jealous?" She asked.

"Insanely." He stated.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Oh, stop."

She thought he was kidding. He wasn't. He knew it was just a joke between her and Niall, but he seriously did not want to think about her and any other guy. "Just stop teasing."

"Ok, fine. One guy is more than enough trouble anyway. I wouldn't want to add anyone else. Geez." She said.

"Julie, I swear." He said to her.

"I just want you Harry. Is that better?"

"Loads. Now will you shut up and kiss me?" He said.

"No, maybe I will go see if Louis will appreciate me." She stepped away.

"Woman, I swear to you..." He started.

"Don't sass me." She said to him, but practically jumped up in his arms and kissed him deeply.

When they broke apart, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. "You're killing me here. You're going to cause me to drink."

"No one will tell. Go for it." She said.

"You miss my point. But let's go get a drink." He said and walked her to the area set up like a bar.

Everyone was having a great time. Letting lose and not having to worry about what anyone else saw. Since it was just the people in the circle, there was no one to share events on social media or with anyone for that matter. A little too much alcohol may have been provided, but it did make for some comical entertainment. The guys were always funny and entertaining when they were together, but throw in some alcohol and there were no boundaries.

After hours of partying, Amanda and Julie seemed to be the only mostly sober ones there. It was too funny watching everyone else; they didn't seem to drink as much. Everyone else was slowly scattering to their rooms. Niall and Amanda and Harry and Julie were one of the few left sitting at the bar. The girls were sitting on the laps of their respective guys.

"Ya know. On your birthday JJ, Amanda put it in my head that you guys made out." Niall said. He was pretty drunk at this point.

"Oh she did, did she?" Julie asked.

"Yes, I asked if you guys kissed and made up, and she said 'oh yeah, a full on make out session'." He said.

"Niall, really?" Amanda asked laughing.

"Wait, what?" An equally drunk Harry said. "What?"

Julie gave Amanda a mischievous look.

Amanda knew she was in for something. She was sometimes scared of that look.

"She should have never shared our secret." Julie said.

It was Niall's turn. "Wait, what?"

Julie hopped down off Harry's lap and grabbed Amanda's hand pulling her down off Niall's. "Yeah, she wasn't supposed to say anything." She stepped closer to Amanda.

"Oh god." Amanda said as she tried not to laugh. She couldn't see Niall because her back was to him, but if his face looked anything like Harry's, it was hilarious.

"Too late now, Panda. They already know. There's no reason to hide it anymore." She took one more step closer to Amanda and tried not to laugh at the look on Niall's face. She wanted to see Harry's face, and she was sure Amanda wanted to see Niall's, so she kind of placed them so they could both look between the two boys. They were just sitting there, mouths agape, staring at the girls. She put her hand on Amanda's cheek and still tried not to laugh.

Amanda could barely contain her laughter. The looks on the guys' faces were priceless. She put her hand on Julie's waist. "Yeah guess, no need, huh?" She played along.

Julie licked her lips and leaned in towards Amanda. She looked into Amanda's eyes and had to purse her lips tight to not bust out laughing.

Amanda followed suit and leaned in as well. The boys practically fell off their chairs.

Right before their lips touched, they couldn't take it anymore and burst out laughing. They hugged each other and kissed each other's cheeks.

"Oh shit! That was so not funny." Niall said steadying himself in his chair.

"Oh yes, it was." Julie said to him still laughing.

"No, it really wasn't." Harry said shaking his head for clarity.

"Oh Harry, it was." Amanda said. "Seriously, you two?"

"You want us to kiss? Cuz I'm not opposed to it." Julie said.

Amanda stared at Julie. "Seriously?" she laughed.

Julie shrugged. "Why not?" she stepped up to Amanda and very quickly kissed her lips.

Both Niall and Harry stood up quickly and knocked their chairs over.

Amanda burst out laughing. "A little friendly kiss and you guys lose your minds. So yeah, you are typical guys after all."

"They all are, Panda. Maybe we should spend the night in our room together while they sleep it off?" Julie said.

"Enough." Both Harry and Niall said at the same time, which caused the girls to laugh even harder. It was so easy to get to them.

Harry and Niall both grabbed their respective girl.

"Aww, they are jealous of us, Panda." Julie said.

"A shame; don't they know they will never split us apart?" Amanda said.

"Shut up now." Harry said as he kissed Julie roughly and aggressively. She was killing him. He needed her to just shut up. His head was spinning from the alcohol, and he couldn't even process what had just happened.

Niall took the opportunity to kiss Amanda as well. He pulled her tightly too him and kissed her deeply. He didn't want to stop. Clarity was not something he had at the moment.

Amanda pulled back. "Ok lover boy, think it's time to get you to bed." She touched his lips and looked into his eyes. He was drunk; she could see it. She wrapped her arms around his waist. "Good night, JJ. Good night, Harry."

Julie looked over at Amanda. "Good night, Panda. Meet me in our room after they're asleep?" She just couldn't help herself. It was so funny to her. She felt Harry's hands tighten on her ass. She probably should let it go, but it was just too much fun.

"Will you just stop, please?" Harry said to her. He looked at her with passion in his eyes.

Oh, this is going to be a fun night, Julie thought. If he doesn't pass out first. "Ok, let's get you to bed too, there drunky."

Amanda laughed at Niall's reaction to Julie's last statement. "Oh honey, if you weren't so wasted, you would see right through her shenanigans." She walked him to the room. She let them in and shut the door behind them. "Did you have a good birthday, babe?" She asked him.

"Yes. Best one yet." He somewhat stumbled up to her. "I want you though. It's not over yet." He put his hand behind her neck and pulled her to him quickly. He kissed her harder than he ever did before.

Maybe JJ knew what she was doing with her little experiment, Amanda thought. Niall had never seemed so aggressive in his approach. It was like he couldn't wait to devour her. Like he needed to prove he was more for her than JJ, which was ridiculous because she and JJ were never going to be with each other, or any other girl; but it didn't seem to matter to a drunk Niall. When he pulled up her shirt and unsnapped her jeans without breaking the kiss and ran his hands down the back of her jeans and over her ass, she was all in. She unbuckled his belt and undid his button and zipper; then she ran her hands under his shirt and over his stomach. She moved her mouth from his lips to his neck and pulled his shirt over his head. She kissed down his neck and over his shoulders. He pulled her back up to him roughly and kissed her like he couldn't get enough. They didn't even make it to the bed; it didn't even matter. It was as intense and as incredible as it could be.

Julie got Harry back to his room, and before she could properly shut the door, Harry grabbed her and pushed her against the wall. One hand over her head steadying himself on the wall. She reached out beside him and shut and bolted the door. He ran his free hand over her body which made her shiver. He kissed her face and neck and couldn't seem to get enough. He took her shirt off over her head and ran his hands over her chest and stomach. When she undid his pants, he couldn't wait anymore. He took her right there; there was no waiting. When they got into bed after, he had to have her again. He couldn't think of anything else besides her. This girl was cemented in his brain, and he didn't even care.


	12. Chapter 12

Harry woke up and reached for Julie. He sat up when he didn't feel her. He looked around the room. The bathroom door was open, but she wasn't in there. She wasn't on the balcony either. He got up and checked the other room, but no sign of her there either. He picked up his phone and called her. Straight to voicemail. He was practically in a panic. He got dressed and went to Niall's room. Maybe she was there or Amanda knew where she was. He knocked on Niall's door. When no one answered, he knocked louder.

Niall came to the door still half asleep. "Harry, what's going on?"

"Is Julie here?" When Niall shook his head, Harry continued. "Is Amanda?"

"Yeah, she's asleep. What's going on?" He asked.

"I woke up, and she was gone. Called her phone, and it went straight to voicemail. After the rough time she's been having, I'm a bit concerned." He said.

"Let me wake Amanda, but I'm sure everything's ok." He walked back into the bedroom. "Amanda? Princess?" He kissed her cheek. When she finally opened her eyes, he kissed her lips. "Sorry to wake you, but Harry's here. I think he needs to talk to you."

"Huh? Why would he need to talk to me?" She asked sleepily.

"He woke up to JJ gone this morning. Think he may need reassurance everything's ok." He said.

She sighed and lay back on the bed. "Great. I was afraid she'd pull back and run. How far though?"

"Um, you may want to hide the doubts a little more when you talk to Harry." Niall said.

"Yeah, I guess." She got up got dressed and went out by Harry. "Hey." She said.

"Hey, sorry to wake you, but do you know where Julie is?" He asked.

"No. Niall told me she was gone when you woke up. Let me check my phone." She pulled out her phone and looked. Nothing. Damn her. She called. Right to voice mail. She texted her. She knew if JJ's phone was off, she wouldn't get it until she turned it back on; but it was something. "Sorry, I don't know where she is. I'm sure she's ok. She's gone through a lot lately. I'm sure she probably needs some alone time." She tried to convince both of them.

"Just when I thought we were getting somewhere." He ran his hands through his hair. "It's so frustrating."

"I know" Amanda put her hand on his shoulder. "I imagine her emotional outburst the other night didn't sit well with the rational controlled version of her. I'm sure after she thought about it, she determined she needed to get back in control. She doesn't feel in control with you."

"What's that mean?" Harry asked.

"It means, she acts with her heart and her body with you instead of her head. Not saying it's right, but she's afraid to feel. I know you've had to realize that."

"Yeah, I just wish she'd trust me enough to not run away." Harry said.

"You and me both." She said and hugged him. "You and me both."

Julie sat on a rock at the beach for hours and just stared at the ocean. She was angry at herself for the past few days. She'd been letting her emotions cloud her judgement, and she didn't need to go back to being that girl. She needed to get control of her emotions and control her actions. She wanted to make the right decisions and stop acting on her feelings and emotions without weighing the consequences. Maybe Amanda, Harry, Niall, and the rest of them weren't mad at her, but they should be. She was still angry that people could talk about anyone like those girls did, especially about people they didn't even know; but she shouldn't have reacted the way she did. She took a deep breath, and put her arms on her knees and buried her head in her arms.

Harry, Amanda, and Niall stood back on the beach and watched her. They had talked to security and were told James went with her when she left this morning. They were told she'd told them that she didn't need security, but they knew Harry would be upset, so James insisted. They called James and found out where she was. "This isn't good, is it?" Harry asked.

"I dunno; she looks pretty peaceful." Niall said.

"When have you known her to be peaceful, Niall?" Harry asked him.

"Good point." Niall said. "She didn't run though. She just wanted to be alone. Think you should take that as a positive."

"Ok, Mr. Positivity, we get it. I think we better figure out what's got her so guarded though, before it does drive her away." Amanda said. "Carefully."

"Yeah," Harry said. "Guess I will try first. Enjoy some beach time." He said as he walked towards Julie. He wasn't sure how this was going to go. He walked up quietly behind her, climbed on the rock, and put his legs on either side of her. She jumped slightly, but when he wrapped his arms around her, she put her hands on his arms and leaned back against him.

"Good morning." Julie said resting her head under his chin.

Well, he was expecting some resistance, but this was much better. "Good morning. I was worried this morning when you were gone when I woke up."

"Sorry, guess I just needed some time alone." She said looking out over the ocean.

"You ready to talk?" He asked.

"About what?" She asked.

"About the other night."

"It was incredible. Completely amazing. Best I ever had." She said trying to distract him from the subject he really wanted to talk about.   
"Maybe we need a repeat tonight."

He kissed her neck. "Hips don't lie? You using song lyrics against me now? And anytime, sweetheart, but that's not what I meant, and I think you knew that perfectly well."

"I'm good, Harry. There's nothing to talk about. Except what we're doing today." She played with his fingers.

"I wish you would just talk to me." He closed his eyes.

"I am. Look, I know you think there's something you need to know. That you wonder why I am the way I am. But maybe that's just me Harry. Maybe if you can't accept that, we're wasting our time. Sometimes, you just can't talk it out and fix everything." She said a bit frustrated.

He held onto her tighter because he knew what he was going to say would probably make her want to get up and walk away, but he wasn't going to let it happen. "And sometimes you can. Sometimes you just have to try. Sometimes you have to trust that people want to listen and want to help."

She tried to pull away from him, and he just held tighter. "Harry, let me go."

"Not a chance. Never. Just trust me." He said.

"This has nothing to do with trust. Just let it go. Let me go, dammit!" She exclaimed.

"I told you never. I knew you would want to run as soon as we started having a real conversation, and I'm telling you, it's not going to work. Push me away as hard as you want, I'm not going to let you go. Try and pull away, I'm just going to hold tighter. And you can say whatever you want, it's not going to change my mind. I'm on to your game."

"I'm not playing a fucking game, Harry. Damn you, just let me go." She tried once again to pull away.

"Ok, alright, I shouldn't have said it that way. But I won't let you. I already know you better than you think I do. I'm here as long as it takes. Believe it." He said.

She was getting extremely frustrated, but he just remained calm. That in itself made her uncomfortable. He should be angry by now, and he should be telling her that she was impossible and stubborn, but he wasn't. And he was strong, a lot stronger than she gave him credit for. She finally gave up and just laid back into his chest again. "I hate you."

He loosened his grip a little when she relaxed back. Took a while, but he meant it when he said that he wasn't going to let her go. "I know. And I wouldn't have it any other way." He would ask again, but not now. He had to push a little at a time. He could tell she wouldn't say anything to him anyway, so he just enjoyed the moment. A beautiful view of the ocean and a beautiful, albeit difficult and stubborn, woman in his arms.

Niall and Amanda walked hand and hand down the beach. It was still early, so it was pretty quiet. They were also on a private area of the beach, which was nice. Amanda kept glancing back at Harry and JJ though. She wondered how he was doing. She probably shouldn't have let him go in alone. They were good, then things seemed tense, and now things seemed ok again. As long as JJ was in his arms, she supposed everything would be ok. She needed to talk to JJ though. Alone. She needed to figure it out once and for all. She knew she would probably get yelled at, and possibly sworn at, but she was going to ask. She had too.

"Princess I'm gonna ask again. Are you ok?" Niall said.

"Yeah, of course. Just same stuff on my mind. This is beautiful though. Perfect actually." She said.

"It is since you're here. So, I have something I need to talk to you about." Niall said a little nervously.

"Um, ok. But you're kind of freaking me out here." Amanda laughed nervously.

"Sorry, I don't mean too. I just. Well, it may seem obvious to some, but I'd like to well....I just...." He struggled to get out what he wanted to say.

"It's ok Niall. Just say it; you can tell me anything." She said.

"Well, I'd basically like to know when I'm asked next time in an interview if I'm single, if I could say no." He said.

She stood there and looked at him shocked. She had figured they were together and that it was exclusive, but it was still a shock to hear him say it. "Wow, Niall that's serious." When she saw him start to wrinkle his brow, she continued. "If you're asking if I will be your girlfriend, absolutely. But it's up to you if you tell everyone or not. I'm good as long as you call me yours." She touched his cheek.

He smiled his dazzling smile. "Then my answer will be no, I'm not single. I have the most understanding, beautiful, smart, and compassionate girlfriend in the world." He leaned in and kissed her. "And I've never been happier."

"You're very, very sweet. And I'm proud to call you my boyfriend." She kissed him. She was happier then she knew she could be. She couldn't wait to tell JJ. She wanted to scream, but she just kissed her boyfriend instead.

"Are you two ever going to get off that rock?" Niall asked as he and Amanda walked up to them.

"Ask him." Julie said. "I've been trying to get up."

"And run." Said Harry. "No wonder I wouldn't let you up. You wanna get up, that's fine; stop running."

"Stop being so bossy." She got up and watched Harry get up.

"You haven't seen bossy yet. Get your stubborn ass over here." He said. "I need a hug."

She shook her head at him but didn't move.

"Then I will just take one." He said as he walked over and hugged her.

She took a deep breath, but then slowly wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head kept telling her to run, but her heart kept telling her to stay. It was a constant struggle. For the first time in years, she was listening to her heart. She was going to stay. She looked up at him. "I'm tired. Can we go take a nap? Well, after a quick bite of room service?"

"Yes, WE can." He kissed her quickly. He looked at Niall and Amanda. "We will meet you down the beach later, ok?"

Amanda put her hand on Julie's arm. "We will talk later. We need to talk."

Julie twisted her lips. "Yeah, sure, of course."


	13. Chapter 13

Later on that evening, they were all sitting around a bon fire at the beach. Except for Harry and Julie. They hadn't arrived yet. Amanda was starting to get impatient. Finally, she saw them walking towards them. "Niall, I'm going to go talk to JJ for a few minutes. I'll be right back."

"Alright, I will be waiting." He said and kissed her.

She got up and took JJ by the arm and walked her down the beach to a private spot so they could talk.

"What's going on?" Julie asked her.

"Niall asked if he could tell the next interviewer that asked him if he was single, no. He asked if he could say he had a girlfriend. Me! Can you believe it?" Amanda said to her.

"Of course, I can. He would be dumb not to want to call you that." She hugged her. "I'm so happy for you."

"Me too! It's so great." Amanda said excitedly.

"Ok, well then, let's get you back to him." Julie said as she started to walk back to everyone else.

"No wait." Amanda said as she grabbed her arm. "We need to talk about other things, JJ. It's past time. You're going to lose an amazing man if you don't tell someone what's really going on."

"Amanda, please, you just got some of the best news of your life. Why would you want to do this?" Julie said. "I really just wish you would let it go."

"I can't. I love you. If you don't think you can trust me, then tell Harry. You're going to lose him, JJ. He's patient and kind, but he can only take so much." Amanda knew she was walking a fine line, but she had to do it.

"I can't, Amanda. There are just some things that should remain in the past." Julie said.

"But it isn't remaining in the past. It's affecting your present and possibly your future. JJ, please. I thought you trusted me. Don't you know by now I will always stand by you? No matter what?" Amanda said.

"Of course, Amanda. I just. You just have no idea what you're asking me." Julie sat down in the sand. "Just stop pushing. You don't know what you're getting into."

Oh she's called me Amanda and twice, she thought. Can't be good. "Tell me or tell Harry. JJ, please." She sat down next to her.

Harry and Niall were both watching the girls. It looked pretty intense. They weren't sure what to do. Harry wished he knew what was being said. It was like Niall read his mind. "I really wish I could hear what they're saying."

"Yeah, me too; but we probably never will." Harry said. "Just hope it helps Julie or Amanda or both."

"Yeah, me too. Amanda agreed to let me, well basically, say she's my girlfriend tonight. I finally get to answer the 'Are you single' question with a no." Niall smiled.

"That's great, man! You're a lucky guy. She's a lucky girl. You guys are great for each other." Harry said. He meant it. He just wished he could figure out what his relationship status was.

"I can't tell Harry, Amanda. How can I?" Julie took a deep breath. "How can I tell him how much of a weak fool I was? How can I tell him that I thought I was in love once? How can I tell him I was so weak that I let a man make me believe I was worthless in every possible way? After you're told something for so long you just start to believe it. How can I tell him that I wasn't strong enough to leave for a long time? I believed him when he said no one else would ever want me. I still might. How can I tell him it took me moving to LA and changing everything known to me to get away? How can I tell him that I let someone put his hands on me and give me scars because I was too weak to walk away?" She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't that weak person anymore. She sure had been acting like it the past few days especially. It couldn't keep happening.

Amanda didn't know what to say. Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. JJ had experienced emotional and physical abuse by someone she thought she'd loved. No wonder she was so messed up. So scared. "JJ, I can't believe you never told me this. Two years, and you never mentioned anything. How could you not think I would support you in every way possible?" She was full out crying now.

"Don't you get it? I have to be strong enough for myself. I can't count on anyone else. I thought he was perfect for me. It started out that way. But then little things started showing up. It started slowly and just built up to everyday. I had to try and be perfect, and the more I tried the worse it got. I was never good enough. And even though I finally left, and even though I've tried to convince myself I am good enough, I still..." Julie was spilling everything now. It was almost as if she couldn't stop now that the plug was pulled.

"Try and be perfect." She laid her head on JJ's shoulder. She understood so much better now. "JJ, those are such unrealistic expectations to have. He was the loser in this. You are the perfect you."

"I wish it were that simple. But it's not." Julie said.

Amanda noticed that JJ was stoic and unemotional. She went right back to that place. The place where she didn't feel anything. A place she must have hid in for a long time. "JJ, you have to tell Harry. No, don't protest. Listen. Harry isn't that guy. He's already shown to you he thinks you're worth it. He's held you tight when you wanted to run. He's not perfect, but he's trying to show you he wants to stick around. Let him understand what he's up against. If you insist on keeping him at an arms distance, at least let him know why. Maybe it's not love yet, but maybe it could be." She watched JJ shake her head no. "Yes, JJ. I don't ask you to do anything very often. I've learned I can't out stubborn you, but this time I'm right; and I will keep telling you. And if you don't tell him, I hate to do this to you, but I will."

"No, Amanda. Don't make me regret telling you." Julie said.

"You already do. And if you hate me for doing it, then I will live with that. I won't let you push Harry away because of some jackass who didn't know how to treat you." Amanda said.

"How could he respect me after I tell him I let someone break me like this? Emotionally, especially. Physical wounds heal. Emotional wounds take a lot longer. How can you respect me knowing?"

"It's not your fault. Not everything is your fault. Realize that please. No judgements, and Harry doesn't seem to judge either. Talk to him." Amanda said getting up. "I will send him over here." She was surprised when JJ didn't protest or try and stop her. She just sat there, arms resting on her knees, staring out into the dark water. Amanda wiped her eyes as she got closer to the guys. She sat down between Niall and Harry and felt Niall put his arm around her. She looked up at Harry, and the tears started flowing again. "She needs to talk to you. And Harry, it won't be easy, and please, don't let her down."

Harry looked down at her. "You're kind of scaring me. So, she told you?"

"Yeah, and it won't be easy for her to tell you. It wasn't easy for me to hear. But let her tell you. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding. So, just be yourself." She leaned against Niall as Harry walked away. Then she buried her head in between his shoulder and his neck.

"That bad?" Niall asked rubbing her back.

"I will tell you; just not right this second. And let's just say, I understand her a lot more than I did before. I needed to know, but I'm not sure I'm better off knowing." Amanda said.

"Well, that's cryptic." Niall said holding her close. "Whenever you're ready to talk, I will always listen."

Harry sat down next to Julie. "Amanda said you wanted to talk."

"No, Amanda thinks I need to talk to you." She said.

He just nodded. "But you don't think so?"

"Doesn't much matter what I think, apparently; because she said if I don't tell you, she would." Julie said.

"It matters to me what you think." He said.

"Of course it does; but if she's going to tell you anyway, guess it might as well be me. You wanna know why I'm the way I am, right? Why I'm closed off and guarded and afraid? Why you scare me? Why I don't want feelings getting in the way?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"I thought I was in love once. Thought someone loved me back." She watched him cringe. "I was wrong. Especially about the him loving me part. How was I supposed to tell you that I let another man break me? How was I supposed to tell you that I let someone tell me I was worthless and ugly for so long that I started to believe it?" She just sat there the same way staring at the ocean.

He wanted to reach for her but was afraid to. She was talking. He didn't like what he was hearing, but she was talking.

"How could I tell you I let him convince me I would never be wanted by anyone else and that my only option was to stay with him no matter how many times he put his hands on me when I wasn't perfect enough? And by the way I was never perfect enough. It took me 2 years and a move across the country to be able to leave. I don't want to feel, because it hurts too much. It causes too much pain and sorrow. I'm afraid, because I know I will never be good enough for anyone. I'm strong and stubborn because I never want to let anyone make me feel like that again. I push you away because I don't want to fall for you anymore than I already have. Because I know if I do, I will go right back to being weak and worthless. I'm mad at myself for letting it happen. I'm a mess. I'm broken, and you really don't need to deal with this mess." She put her head in her hands.

Harry couldn't stop the tears. They ran down his face as he grabbed her. "He wasn't a man, Julie. He was wrong in every possible way. No one's perfect, but you're so far from worthless. I would never put my hands on you like that. I would never tell you anything like that. I'm not him."

"I know you're not. I never said you would. It's not that simple." She said as she still just sat there.

"I've already fallen for you. Hard. I want you. That proves he was wrong." Harry said. He was having a really hard time with this.

"Don't say that. Don't say you've fallen for me. Please." She said. "After what I've put you through, come on."

"I said it, and I will say it again. I've already fallen. I don't want or need you to be anything other than who you are. No matter how hard you fight, I will make sure every day you know you're worth a hell of a lot." He was shocked. He wasn't expecting this. It was a lot to take in. This was not the reason he was expecting. It made a lot of sense now. She made more sense now.

She rubbed her face. "I'm so broken, Harry. I run hot and cold; I know that. I'm not oblivious to it. I'm just so scared."

"We can put the pieces back together; you and I, together, Julie. Piece by piece if we have to. I will be there for you every step. Just let me." He still couldn't stop the tears.

She turned towards him and wiped his tears with her thumbs. "I can try, that's all I've got. Because when I feel scared or overwhelmed or like I've lost control...." She started.

"You will run, and you will push people away. I get it. I will just have to hold tighter." He wrapped her in his arms and just sat there with her. What he would do if he knew who this guy was. Someone needed to teach him a lesson, and he wished it could be him.

"Yeah, like before." She kissed his chin and buried her head in his shoulder.

Amanda watched Harry and Julie walk up to them quite some time later. Harry looked positively miserable, so she knew that JJ told him. When he sat next to her, she instinctively hugged him. It made them both cry again.

When Niall looked at Julie, she just shrugged. He got up and hugged her. "Not sure what is going on, but seemed like the right thing to do since you made them both cry."

"Yeah, sorry Niall." She gave him a quick hug.

"Let's give them a minute. Let's go talk to Louis, Liam, and Zayn." He took her by the hand to the other side of the fire.

Louis came right up to her and hugged her tightly. "Thanks for the assist the other night. Next time though, Rocky, wait to start a fight til I'm there to see it."

"I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't cause you any trouble." She said.

"Are you kidding? I would have paid to see it!" He said stepping back from her.

"You might experience it firsthand if you don't let it go, Tomlinson." She said.

"Oh, yes. C'mon then." He playfully put his fists up.

"I don't want to hurt you." She patted his shoulder and walked by.

"Ouch." He said laughing and playfully grabbing his chest.

Harry and Amanda finally pulled back from each other. Harry looked down at her. "You didn't know at all?"

Amanda shook her head. "Not even a clue. I always thought she was just too busy for a relationship. Before you, she'd never agreed to even let anyone close. I just thought she didn't have time. Now I know. I wish she would've told me a long time ago."

"I hate it. How could anyone treat someone that way? To think about someone hurting her. Telling her awful lies. I don't know what to do." He said, tears still sliding down his face.

"We have to be there for her. It won't be easy. But I'm glad she found you. You're kindness and your patience could possibly be the best thing to happen to her." Amanda said.

"I hope I'm able to be what she needs. I also wish I knew who this guy was. See if he can push someone other than a tortured woman around." He said.

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't say that to her yet Harry." She smiled at him.

"Yeah, probably not. Now where did your boyfriend take my girlfriend?" He asked.

"Your girlfriend?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, thought I'd try it out and see how it felt. You think she'll go for it?" He asked.

"How'd it feel? And yeah, I'm not sure right this moment. Let me know how you fair." She said.

"Felt right. Yeah, I have a feeling that might take some convincing. Maybe I will say it when she's not around for now." He laughed.

"She's gone through more than anyone knew. I'm just sad she didn't feel that she could tell me. But let's just get through this night. I'm sure we are going to have to deal with her some more later." She got up.

"Yeah, let's go find them." He said getting up and going towards everyone.

Niall grabbed his guitar and sat down. "Let's sing some songs."

Amanda sat next to Julie and wrapped her arm with Julie's arm and laid her head on her shoulder. Julie kissed her head and leaned her head on Amanda's. The other girls came and sat with them. They watched the guys sit across the fire from them, and Niall start to strum the guitar. They sang a few cover songs; ones they used to sing when they first started out. Amanda and Julie were mesmerized. Maybe the other girls were used to it, but this was the first time they were seeing them sit down with just Niall's guitar and sing. It was spectacular. They watched them talk quietly for a few minutes. Seemed like they were working out some details. After a few minutes they started a very stripped down version of their song Diana. The song which was normally high tempo with a sick beat had a completely different tone when slowed down and sang acoustically. Julie held Amanda's arm tighter and closed her eyes. She knew immediately this was Harry's idea. She could feel his eyes on her even though she had her eyes closed. The guys didn't know what she had told him and Amanda, but the lyrics said exactly what Harry wanted to say. She tried really hard not to get up and disappear. She was afraid everyone would figure it out. How? Not sure, but she was sure they would.

Amanda could sense JJ's restlessness. She held on to her arm and put her hand on top of JJ's. She knew too where this choice of song had came from. She whispered to her, "It's ok."

Julie nodded and opened her eyes. She looked at Harry who was still watching her. When he got up and came and knelt in front of her, she held Amanda's arm tighter. He was such an amazing guy; she wished that she could just let herself be with him completely. She just couldn't. There was still that part of her that couldn't give him every part of her. When the song was over and she saw tears in his eyes again, she finally let go of Amanda and knelt in front of him. "Please, stop crying." She whispered to him. "I can't deal with all of this."

He took her face in his hands and leaned his forehead on hers. He looked into her eyes. "I just wish I could have been there to tell you he was wrong before all this happened."

"Harry, just stop, please. I think I've explained enough tonight, and everyone is staring." She said.

"Ok, ok; I'm sorry." He kissed her. He stood and helped her up. He sat down where she was sitting and pulled her onto his lap.

Niall patted the space beside him that Harry had just vacated and looked at Amanda. She got up and walked over to him and sat down. Everyone who had been watching Harry and Julie looked at them. Niall and Amanda knew they were all wondering what was going on.

Niall shrugged. "I honestly have no idea. They talked; that's all I know." He was almost glad he didn't know right now, so he couldn't say anything.

Amanda looked at her hands. "All I will say right now is she needs her friends more than ever."

"Amanda, you can't just say that and not tell us anymore." Liam said.

"I can't. Not right now. Please. Just believe me." She said.

"Ok, for now." Louis said. "Luckily, we can be pretty good friends."

"Yes, you can." Amanda said. "I've learned that already."

Niall started playing "Little Things" on the guitar, and the rest of the guys went to sit with their girls. Amanda watched Niall. There was something about him playing the guitar that got to her. She loved it. He looked her in the eyes, and she stared back into his. She couldn't believe that this was all happening. It was definitely one of the best things that had ever happened to her. Maybe even the best.

Julie watched Zayn, Liam, and Louis sing their parts. Watched the interactions with their girls. It was so sweet. When it came to Harry's part, she pulled away a little so she could watch him and really listen to him. He had such an amazing voice. She couldn't look at him when the "I'm in love with you" part came up. She knew they were just song lyrics, but it was just too much right now. He and Niall sounded amazing together. When it was Niall's turn to sing his solo, she turned to watch him and Amanda. He never took his eyes off Amandas. She couldn't help but smile. They were such a great couple.

Amanda smiled at Niall. For the moment, the worries and troubles of the night took a back seat to what was happening now. This could easily be love. Maybe it was too soon to know for sure. But it sure felt pretty real in her heart. She could love this man. She knew it.

When the song was over, everyone decided it was time to go their separate ways. They put the fire out and walked back to the hotel all coupled up. They said their good nights, and each went to their rooms.

Amanda hugged Harry and JJ and went with Niall to his room. She watched JJ go into Harry's room with him. JJ was quiet the whole night. She hoped things would be ok.

"Hey Princess, you wanna shower first? Or how about together?" Niall asked.

"Haha, Niall. Not tonight. You can first." Amanda said.

"Thought I'd try. Ok, be out soon." He said and went to shower. When he came out, he saw Amanda sitting on the floor against the wall, head on her arms, resting on her bent knees, crying. He rushed to her. "Ok, now I'm really freaking out here. Time to talk to me."

"It's JJ. Niall. I can't believe. OMG, I never knew how much she went through, I wish I had known. I wish I would've figured it out. My heart literally is breaking." She said crying even harder.

"I'm listening Amanda. What happened? What did she tell you?" He helped her up and sat on the bed with her holding her in his arms.

She tried to compose herself. "I don't even want to say it. I can't imagine how hard it was for her. And she kept it in for years."

"Please tell me. Let me help you." He said.

"She needs help. Not me." Amanda said.

"Ok, ok; I will start by being here for you. We can both be there for her." He said.

"She, her ex-boyfriend, if you can even call him that...." She stood up and started pacing before continuing. She was hurt and angry and did not know how to process this or even how to say it. "He told her she was worthless, every day, told her no one could ever want her, and when she didn't meet his definition of perfection, he beat her. Niall, I don't even know how to handle this." She said, starting to sob. She fell to her knees.

Niall was immediately by her side. He didn't know what to say. He knew it was serious whatever she and Harry had found out because of the way they reacted. But he would never have even thought that this was what it was, even for a second. He was angry. How could anyone do that to a woman? He held Amanda tighter. "Amanda, I don't....." He fought back his own tears. "I don't know what to say."

"For 2 years, she stayed with him because she believed him. He said it so much, she believed his bullshit. I can't even think about how many times he would've put his hands on her, how many bruises she would have gotten in those 2 years. I can't even handle this!" She pretty much lost it. "I watched her go to that place."

"What place?" He asked.

"The place in her head she must've gone to every time he hit her. The place she feels nothing. Behind her wall. But I understand it now. I understand why she goes there now. Why she'd want to hide and not feel. I wanted to know so badly, and now, I'm not so sure I wanna anymore. I gave her such a hard time for not opening up to me. I told her she was stupid for being closed off, and now I feel so guilty." She sobbed.

"You didn't know. Amanda, you love her; you prove it every day. How could you know? She wouldn't tell you. I can't stand seeing you this way." Niall said rubbing her back.

"You should feel bad for her, not me! I wish I could have done something!" Amanda said. She couldn't stop the tears. This was so much worse than what she had imagined.

"You only met her after; she only moved to LA after." He tried comforting her.

"To get away from him! She only moved to LA to get away from a nasty bully who convinced her she was nothing! Niall, I can't even wrap my head around that." She stated.

"Maybe you were the plan, Amanda. Maybe you came into her life because you were the one who could help her through. She let you in more than anyone else. You became quick friends from what you told me, even though she keeps everyone else at a distance. I don't know why things happen the way they do, but I believe you were meant to come into her life for a reason." He said.

She held onto him and just cried. She didn't care to be rational right now. Her best friend had gone through something that she couldn't even believe and that she hadn't known for 2 years. Rational or not, she felt like she failed to protect her. She'd seen the scars on JJ's body, but she just assumed they were from childhood accidents. To think that some asshole had caused them on purpose completely broke her heart and made her so angry. She told Harry that he shouldn't tell JJ that he wished someone would teach the guy a lesson, but she wished he would. Just the thought of that guy putting his hands on her friend pushed her to a place she hadn't gone before.

"Come on; let's get you to bed. I don't know what to do, but I know I can hold you as long as you need me to." Niall said getting up and helping her off the floor.

"I haven't even showered yet." She said.

"It doesn't matter." He laid her down on the bed, turned off the lights, and climbed in beside her. He wrapped her in his arms and held her. He knew it may take a while, but he hoped she would fall asleep. She was taking it hard. He understood. He couldn't really process what happened. He didn't understand it. He patiently waited for Amanda to fall asleep and then laid back. What a nightmare, he thought. But maybe they'd all came into JJ's life for a reason. Maybe a lot of people would be put off for having to deal with this, but he believed they could help her. He knew Amanda wouldn't give up, so neither would he. He felt horrible as a friend; he wondered how Harry was dealing with it. He knew Amanda wasn't dealing well. So how was Harry? Amanda was right about one thing. JJ was definitely going to need her friends.

By the time Harry got out of the shower, Julie was asleep. Curled up in a ball on the couch. He just stood there and stared at her. He wanted to take away her pain. He wanted to rewind time and meet her before all this happened to her. Granted, if he added correctly, he would have only been about 15 or so and not even have started Xfactor, would have still been in the UK, but none of that mattered. Nobody deserved what she went through. And she had shown moments of brilliance. A fun, sassy, funny, smart girl. He only imagined how bright she would shine if someone hadn't dimmed her light. If she hadn't had to deal with the nastiness she experienced, what would she have been like? But if she didn't go through what she did, then she wouldn't have moved to LA, wouldn't have taken care of Niall, and he wouldn't know her. He couldn't change the past, but hopefully, he could help make the present and future better. He bent down and started to pick her up to carry her to bed. He was startled when she practically jumped from his arms and stepped back with her hands up.

Julie was startled. She blinked a few times and shook her head to clear it. She dropped her hands and let out a sigh of relief when she realized it was Harry. She must have been dreaming. Bringing all of that up must have caused her to dream, or more like have a nightmare, about her past. "Sorry. I must have been dreaming." She said as she sat down at the edge of the couch.

"You thought I was going to hurt you?" He said.

"No, not you." She said.

"Oh," he sat down next to her. She was dreaming of him. Damn it.

As if she could read his mind, she said, "I used to dream about him all the time. Nightmares more like. Always waking up wondering if he really was there. Haven't in a while. Guess talking about it brought it back into my subconscious. Once I realized it was you, I was relieved."

"I'm sorry about all of this. I honestly didn't know this is what you were hiding. I didn't know you were dealing with this much. I'm sorry I pushed so hard." He said, trying not to cry again. He wanted to be strong for her, but it was difficult.

"I suppose, if we ever wanted a relationship beyond what we have, it would have had to come up. Now, if we ever do, I guess we don't have to discuss it." She got up and started wandering around the room. "I understand completely if you just want to walk away now. No one wants a screwed up mess, and you have so much going on; you don't really have time for the ups and downs of this."

"Wait. Seriously? Is that what you think I meant? Julie, why would I walk away now? Look, I get you don't realize how wonderful you are. And yeah, I get you have moments of confusion and fear. But you also have moments of warmth and brilliance. When your relaxed and in the now, you light up a room. Now more than ever, I understand. I also know to have survived what you have that you're very strong and resilient." He looked at her face. "And I also see that you're completely uncomfortable with compliments. But it's the truth."

"I wish I could run away from it. But I have no choice. You do." She said.

"I do. And I choose to stay. You can't get rid of me that easily." He walked up behind her slowly and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. She jumped and stiffened and that bothered him, but he knew why. Bringing all that past up must have made her remember every time she was touched before she had something to fear. He practically felt her will herself to relax. "Let's just get some sleep. I would really like to just hold you tonight."

It took her a minute to answer. She was thinking that she wanted to be alone for the night. Harry was hurting though; she could tell. He was being so kind and gracious. She nodded. "Ok, sounds perfect." She walked over to his bed and climbed in. She heard him let out a breath of relief and felt him climb in beside her. He pulled her gently to him and rested his head on hers. She put her arm over his and closed her eyes.

She hadn't shed a tear, and he was worried about that a little. She still seemed pretty unattached to any emotion and that concerned him. Maybe she just needed some time. It was a hell of a story to have to tell and twice. He didn't sleep well; he kept waking up to make sure she was ok.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, everyone was sitting in the gathering room. They were getting everything ready to leave as they had to move on to the next tour stop. They only had a few more weeks until the tour was over, and they started press for the new album. Their schedule wouldn't be as crazy as the tour, but it was still pretty full. They also had to go back overseas for a lot of it and see their families. Julie and Amanda were deciding what to do. They were supposed to return home, but they did have more time off. Monetarily, it would be tough, but they could travel to 1 or 2 more shows before flying back to LA.

"JJ, I think we should stay. We could manage." Amanda said.

"I dunno, Amanda. It's not feasible to drive, and flying last minute would cost a fortune. And I'm not sure I'm ready to have Harry and Niall pay for it. Which I'm sure they would, but I'm just not sure I'm ready to depend on that yet." Julie said.

"We could do it." Amanda said again.

"Then stay, Amanda. It's not dependent on what I do." Julie got up. She was still having a hard time with everything that had spilled out during this trip.

Amanda put her hand on JJ's arm. "Please don't. Please just talk to me."

"I'm talked out. Right now, I don't want to be anywhere. I wish I could just climb in a hole. While I appreciate all the 'support', no one knows what it feels like to be me. What it's like inside my head now that everything's been brought up. I just can't do this right now." She started to walk towards the door.

Harry got up and started after her. "Julie wait, please."

"Not now, please, just not now." She dropped her head and walked out. She heard a crash and what sounded like things hitting the floor, but she didn't turn around. She couldn't. She didn't want to cry in front of everyone, and she felt like she was losing her mind. She went back to their room and lay down and cried.

Harry leaned on the table he just shoved everything off of. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to know what caused her to be the way she was; but now that they made her bring it up, she'd been completely off. There was no hot and cold; it was just nothing.

"What the hell is going on, Harry?" He heard Louis say.

"Nothing." He said as he pushed himself off the table.

"Right, so you just go around wrecking the place for no reason." Liam said. "You and Amanda and Niall have been quiet and like you're walking on egg shells when it comes to JJ. Don't tell me that nothing's going on. She's our friend, too."

"It's not our story to tell." Niall said. He put his hands on Amanda's shoulders as she started to cry. "It's alright, baby. We knew it was gonna be tough."

"I think they should know." Amanda said. "She will hate it, but dealing with it on her own hasn't gone well. I think it's too much for just Harry to deal with, and I know I'm not sure how to deal with it."

"Will someone just tell us already?" Zayn said.

Niall looked at Amanda who was crying and Harry who was still angry. "I probably shouldn't, but her last relationship was pretty messed up."

"Messed up, Niall? The asshole told her she was worthless and ugly and then beat her because she wasn't perfect enough. Messed up doesn't begin to describe it." Harry said throwing a mug across the room. He lost it. With her not here and her being more closed off than usual, he couldn't help himself. He thought having her tell him what was wrong would help, but it didn't seem to.

Liam grabbed Harry's arms. He knew he was angry and knew this is how he usually dealt with anger, but he could tell this was different. "Hey, you have to calm down."

He tried to pull away from Liam, but before he knew it, Louis and Zayn were by his side, too.

"Harry, come on. Sit down. Let's deal with this." Louis tried. "No one likes it, but this isn't the way."

"I don't want to sit down. I want this to have never happened! No one likes it, Louis? Isn't exactly what I would say. I wish this wouldn't have happened. I wish I didn't have to deal with this!" He said pulled away again and knocked more things from another table.

"Harry!" Amanda said.

"No Amanda, I know you have to be just as angry!" He said.

"No, Harry." She pointed to the door. JJ was standing in it, jaw clenched, practically shaking.

"Julie. Shit." Harry said as he went to her.

Julie stepped back from him and practically cowered. "Don't." She said turning her head.

It stopped him in his tracks. She thought he was going to hit her. "I would never! How could you think..." He trailed off when he looked at what she was looking at. A wrecked room. His anger got the best of him, and it scared her. His freaking out had terrified her. "I wouldn't; I swear." She stepped back again when he reached for her. She finally looked up at him. He could see the fear in her eyes. "Julie, I would never, no matter how angry. Please."

Julie looked at everyone else. They knew. She could see it in their eyes. The pity look. The I feel sorry for her look. How could they tell them? "You told them? Everyone? Really, how could you? I trusted both of you!" She looked from Harry to Amanda. "I can't believe you would do this. You don't have to deal with this. I already told you that!" She pushed Harry's arms away from her when he went to reach for her again. "I hate all of you!" She literally ran down the hallway to the stairs.

Harry went to go after her, but felt Niall's hand on his arm. "Go talk to Amanda. Let me." He ran out after her and asked security which way she went.

Harry wanted to flip the chair, but he stopped himself because he thought about Julie's reaction to him just now. "How could she think I would ever hit her?" He asked Amanda.

"She doesn't know any better." Amanda said.

"She should know better!" He said.

"She does Harry. But it has to be hard for her to separate everything, especially right now. We just made her talk about something she'd hid from everyone for 2 years. Something she buried so deep inside she didn't tell me for 2 years. And if you wouldn't have come into her life, she probably still wouldn't have told me. We dug all of that up, and she'd buried it deep. I know this has to be horribly hard on you. But I'm begging you not to give up on her just yet." Amanda said trying to not cry harder.

"Why does everyone think I'm going to walk away? I never even hinted at that." He said.

"Seems like you're not dealing with it the greatest." Liam said.

"You tell me then, Mr. Cool, how you would deal with your girlfriend telling you she was with someone who beat the crap out of her for 2 years. Yeah, because you would be rational, Liam." Harry looked at him angrily.

"I probably wouldn't be, you're right. You've only been with her what, a few weeks? Can you even call her your girlfriend?" He asked.

Harry stood up and found Louis' hands on his chest holding him back. Liam just pissed him off. "It doesn't matter how long we've been together, or even if she is my girlfriend. I care about her, and I thought you did, too. How could you be ok with this?"

"I'm not. You know that I wouldn't want anyone to be treated like that." Liam said. "I didn't mean that."

"Think before you speak next time." Harry said. He felt Amanda's hand on his arm. He sat down when he felt her pull on his arm.

"She needs us Harry. No matter what happens; she needs us. I don't know what to do either; but no matter how angry we are, that's not what's going to help. I would like nothing more than for someone to teach that so called man a lesson, but that's not what she needs." Amanda said.

"I'd like to teach him a lesson." Amanda and Harry both turned and looked at Zayn when he said it. "What? I'm not ok with it. Not at all."

"I think we all would." Louis said. "She wouldn't need to know."

"Right. No one even knows who he is." Amanda said. "Look, I appreciate all the support you want to give her, but I think violence and anger is the last thing she needs to see."

Harry dropped his head. What had he done? He'd better learn how to deal with this before she never came back. "Dammit!"

Niall walked out onto the roof. He was told that's where she went. He walked around and saw her. She was sitting on the ledge with her feet hanging over the edge. It was scary. "JJ, come down from there, please."

"Nah, I'm good." She kept looking down. "I'm petrified of heights, but I'm good." She needed the adrenaline rush that it was giving her. She needed it to block all the other things from her mind.

"I'm serious, please. You're scaring me." He went up to touch her arm. She pulled away quickly which scared him even more. "JJ, you're not thinking of...." He trailed off.

"Oh trust me, I've thought about it more than once. But I would have done it a long time ago if I was going to, Niall." She swung her feet over and got down off the ledge.

He instinctively hugged her. "Thank you. Are you ready to come back down and talk now?"

She pulled back from him. "No, and please don't touch me."

He kind of looked at her. "Look, I get it. We all get it. But there is no way that any one of us would ever do what happened to you in the past. There's just no way."

"You mean you would never beat the crap out of me? You can't even say it. Yeah, I never thought it would happen at all. I was sure wrong before. It doesn't matter. I'm just ready to go home. All of this was a mistake. No matter how far I run, I will never get away from it. I had a great run in LA, but it's time to just move on. It's my fault for letting someone do it to me, and it's my fault I let myself fall for someone else. I just can't do this." She said to him.

Niall slowly took her hands. "Listen to me, please. Don't disappear. You don't have to do this alone. Not anymore. Amanda would be devastated. Harry would be crushed, and I would hate it. You're a part of all of our lives now. Let us be there for you."

She wanted to believe him. She really did. But she just shook her head. "It's all my fault. I deserve to do this on my own." She took her hands back and turned towards the ledge, put her hands on it, and looked out over the city.

Niall took that opportunity to text everyone. Amanda, Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn. Two words. Roof now. He put his phone away, turned her around, and just hugged her tightly. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry, but you are completely wrong."

Harry sat, arms on his legs, hands clasped in front of him. Head down. Amanda had her hands on top of his. Neither knew what to do. They didn't know what was going on. Where she and Niall had gone, what was being said. It was so frustrating. They heard their text notifications go off along with everyone else's. Everyone looked at their phones, and then each other. Zayn was the first one out the door followed by Liam and Louis. Harry took Amanda's hand and walked with her. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know if the message was good or bad. Amanda looked up at him and stayed silent also. What do you do at a time like this? By the time they reached the roof, Zayn had already replaced Niall in the tight hug, and Louis and Liam were closing in on each side. Julie tried pushing Zayn away and then pull back from the other two, but they weren't letting go.

"I don't want your pity." Julie said to them.

"Good thing it's not pity then." Louis said. He and Liam closed tightly in, and she was stuck in between the three of them. She couldn't even move. They wouldn't let her push or pull away.

Niall walked up to Amanda and Harry. "She's blaming herself for everything. For it happening in the first place, for telling you guys, for falling for Harry. She's ready to disappear. Said she had a good run in LA, but it was time to move on because she could never escape it now." He touched Amanda's cheek. "I have never seen anyone so defeated. If she leaves though, I don't think she will let anyone help her. When I got up here, she was sitting on the ledge, feet dangling over. She scared me. But she came down and said she would have done it a long time ago if she was going to. I don't think she knows what to do or how to let anyone help her."

"I don't know how to help her." Amanda said. "I wish I would have never pushed her to tell me. I seriously wish I would have just let it be."

When Harry went to go towards Julie, Niall stopped him. "I know this is hard, but let them be for a minute. Maybe what she needs is them." He said nodding towards Zayn, Liam, and Louis. "People who aren't so invested."

Julie just stood there. She wasn't going to be able to get away from the 3 of them. No matter how hard she tried. She couldn't believe that they all cared so much as to just hug her and not let her go. She never felt anything like it. And from them. They were One Direction, and they cared about her. She couldn't wrap her head around it. She pushed away so hard, but not even that budged the 3 guys. They should've given up by now. All of them. All of a sudden, she felt safe. It was a crazy feeling. She started to cry and found herself wrapping her arms around Zayn's shoulders and hugging him tighter. She put her hands on Liam and Louis arms when they closed around Zayn's back. She couldn't stop herself from crying. She had never felt safer. But she has. She just realized she had felt safer. Harry. She felt safer in his arms than anywhere else. And with Amanda. Living with Amanda made her feel like she actually had a safe place to live. After a few more minutes, she slowly started to pull back. They loosened their grips slightly, but still formed a circle around her. They all had tears in their eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break down." She wiped her tears.

"You cry as much as you want. We will always be here for you." Zayn said.

"He's right. We don't pity you, but we do want to make sure you're ok." Louis said.

"You don't have to be alone." Liam added.

"I don't know how not to be. It's really hard to let anyone in." She admitted.

"Well, shocker here, JJ but we figured that one out." Louis said. "We will be pains in your ass until you realize that we are your family now. Big brothers for life."

"I'm older then all of you." She said wiping her eyes again.

"Doesn't matter." Zayn said. "We got your back."

"And your front and your sides." Liam said.

She couldn't help but kind of laugh. "Ok, Liam I get it. Thanks guys but I think..." She looked over at Harry, Amanda, and Niall.

"Yeah, you're leaving us for Harry. We get it. Only stings a little." Louis said.

"Thanks, Louis." She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he hugged her tightly. She turned to Liam. "Thanks, Liam." She gave him a kiss on the cheek also, and he hugged her tightly as well. She turned to Zayn. "And thanks, Zayn, for one of the tightest hugs I've ever gotten." She kissed his cheek.

"I got more if you ever need them." He said hugging her again and giving her a kiss on the cheek as well.

Harry watched the interaction between Julie and Liam, Louis, and Zayn. It was always so different. He was almost jealous of it. It sounded ridiculous, but it's how he felt.

Julie took a deep breath. She finally admitted to herself that she felt safer with Harry than with anyone else her entire life. She wasn't scared of him at all, but it was like she couldn't get out of the past enough to admit it and let it happen. She hoped it wasn't too late. She needed to go to him. As she started to walk towards Harry, Amanda rushed up and hugged her.

"I was so scared. Please don't ever do that again. Please don't climb out on ledges, and please don't talk about disappearing." Amanda said.

Julie hugged her back and looked at Niall. "Thanks for sharing the details."

He hugged both of them. "We want to help, so sorry, but I will every time."

Julie pulled back from Amanda. "I'm sorry but I...." She looked over at Harry.

"Yes, of course." Amanda said hugging her again and then stepping back.

Julie slowly stepped towards Harry; but when he opened his arms to her, she practically jumped into them. When he wrapped them around her, she lost it again. Safe. Warm. Protected. She hadn't recognized those feelings before because they'd never happened until now. She started crying again. "Don't let me go. Please. This is the place I feel safe. I couldn't see it before."

"I wouldn't dare." He closed his eyes. He wanted her to feel safe. That's the only thing he wanted.

Everyone else came up to them and hugged them. It became a big group hug. Julie took a deep breath and exhaled. She felt so much being released. In that moment she had never felt more relieved. She had never felt safer. She couldn't believe people like this existed, especially this many in one group. She felt lucky for once in her life. It may be a struggle, and it may not last forever; but for right now, she felt she was where she belonged.


	15. Chapter 15

There was no convincing Harry to let her go back to LA after the hell they'd gone through that morning. Amanda and Julie were on the band's plane with them. It was kind of surreal. Julie and Harry were sitting across from Niall and Amanda facing each other. Harry and Niall had both fallen asleep quickly.

Amanda looked at Julie. "JJ, are you ok? Really? Were you seriously on the ledge?"

"Yeah, I was, Panda. It was a way to think about something else. I'm petrified of heights, so the adrenaline gets my mind off....him....and the pain and the situation. I wasn't going to jump, if that's what you're asking."

"Well, no more ledges. Come to me. I will find a way to scare you. I can't lose you. You are my best friend and like my sister." Amanda said.

"I'm going to try, Panda. I am. For the first time in forever, I feel like I finally have people who truly care. It scares me, but in a completely different way. I love you, and I've grown rather fond of Niall. Zayn, Louis, and Liam are great. And Harry has just gone beyond expectations. I've never had people fight for me the way you have and the way they have. It's hard, but I'm going to try to change." Julie said to her.

"Not change. You're perfectly fine just as you are. Just try not to hide so much. I get why you go to that place in your head. But before you do, remember there will always be disagreements or fights, but that does not mean it's going to end or become violent. It won't be easy. I get that. But we can get through it together."

"I will try my best." She said. "But I can promise I will make more than one mistake."

"And that's fine. We aren't going anywhere, JJ. Especially me. You got me for life."

"I'm gonna need that, Panda. I know it already."

Amanda fell asleep next. Julie sat staring out the window. It was one of the most emotional times of her life. She was still confused and hurting, but she didn't want her friends to hurt and constantly watch her freak out. She had to get control of it enough to deal with it going forward, without pushing them away. It wasn't going to be easy. Everything that had happened in the past had been pushed aside for so long, because she didn't want to admit that she'd let it happen to her. No one could convince her it wasn't her fault for staying. Harry was completely different though. There was just a part of her that couldn't help but think that everything was too good. She was waiting for it to implode on her. Part of her couldn't accept that someone like him really wanted someone like her. She took a deep breath and looked at him. But she liked the feeling he gave her. She liked how he tried really hard to be with her, even though she pushed him away. God, she hoped she would be able to figure out a way past this to be with him. She couldn't stop the tears. She took his hand and held it. Even though he was asleep, she just wanted to touch him.

Harry slowly opened his eyes. He saw Julie holding his hand and looking out the window. He was relieved she seemed mostly back to her normal reactions to him. He'd never had to deal with such an emotional thing in a relationship, new or not. He kind of pulled on her hand. He smiled when she looked at him. "Hey, don't cry." He reached up with his other hand and wiped her tear.

She smiled at him. "Oh, it's just a lot. Not just the past, but now. You and everyone else. I'm just, it's just coming down from all this is difficult. I'm ok though. Really. I will make mistakes I'm sure, but I don't want to think about anyone else but you. I meant it Harry, as hard as it is for me to admit. I've never felt safer than I do with you. I know I don't say it, and I know it's hard for me to show, but I don't know what I would do without you in my life." She wiped her tears.

He sat up and put his arm around her. "I've never heard anything better. But I wish you would sleep. Seems like it's been days."

She laughed. "It has been, but I'm used to it. School and work have kept me up for days at a time. I'm sure some point I will crash. Go ahead and sleep, just let me keep your hand."

"I will do one better." He moved the divider between their seats and laid his head in her lap. "I will sleep better this way anyway."

"That's my Harry." She said as she played with his hair.

"You bet I am." He said closing his eyes. He'd been calling her his girlfriend in his head and to his friends. He needed to bring it up to her soon, before she left to go back home. But for now, he would take this. This morning had been hell on him, but now it was showing signs of improvement.

"Panda, let's go get our nails done. Oh, and a pedicure, maybe a haircut or color, a makeover. Something." Julie said as they all sat around Niall's hotel room later that day.

"Well that's a lot." Amanda said laughing.

"Wait, you aren't leaving without me." Niall said.

"Oh, Niall, do you want your nails done, too?" Julie teased him.

"Maybe I do; maybe you guys could just do it for me." He said.

"Dude, we are nurses, not beauty specialists." Julie said to him.

"Well ya got the beauty part down, and ya are special." Harry said.

"Special, huh? Should we be taking that as a compliment?" Amanda asked.

"Yes." Harry said laughing.

"No, I wanna go out. I wanna be pampered." Julie said.

"Well we can do it for you then." Niall said.

"Seriously? You can't live without us for a few hours?" Julie asked.

"No. We are going to be separated for days, maybe weeks soon, so right now. No." Niall said.

"I agree." Harry said.

"JJ, I hate to....." Amanda said.

"Yeah. Yeah, you agree too." Julie shook her head. "Damn saps."

Harry smiled. He was glad she was back to being sassy. "I can paint your toe nails."

"Harry, dear, I know you are extremely talented in many aspects of life." Julie started. Then, she stopped and kinda looked at him. "Ok, you know what. Why not? We will make you a list of what we want, and you guys make it happen. But no cheating. You can ask for help, but only with supplies. You wanna do this? Then let's see what you got." Julie said looking at Niall and Harry.

"Oh crap." Niall said laughing. "What have we done?"

"Pressures on now." Julie said. She went and got a piece of paper and sat down with Amanda. "Ok, what do we want to do to make them suffer....er...I mean what do we want done?" She smiled sweetly and innocently.

"I've told you before, JJ, that innocent crap doesn't work on us. Evil brat." Niall said.

Julie shrugged. "I've been called much worse. I will take evil brat."

"Bring it." Harry said to her. "I'm not scared."

"Are you challenging us?" Amanda said.

"I think I just did." Harry said leaning back and crossing his arms.

"Oh honey, you may have made a big mistake." Julie said looking at him. Mischievous didn't even begin to describe the look in her eyes.

"Thanks Harry." Niall laughed. "As if we weren't in for it already."

Amanda took Julie's hand and went further away from them. "Let's discuss this in private." She was going to enjoy this.

Niall grabbed him and Harry something to drink. He handed it to Harry. "Dude, why are you smiling? You know they are over there plotting against us." He sat back down.

"Yeah, I know. But it's good to see her in the present and not the past. Even if she is going to cause me some hell." He said shaking his head.

"How are you doing by the way? After this morning, I've been wondering." Niall asked him.

"I'm still struggling some. It's easier when she's like this, but I also know that it's never truly gone from her head. It bothers me a lot when she's afraid of me, but I do understand some as to why. I have a feeling there will be more ups and downs through this." He said.

"And you're truly ok being with someone who can't fully commit herself to you?" Niall said. When Harry gave him quite the look, he continued. "I'm all for it Harry. I know she has gone through hell, and Amanda is her best friend. I will do what I can to help them both. But it's a lot more than most people could and would handle. I really am just concerned about you and her."

Harry nodded; he knew how good of a guy Niall was. "I won't lie. It's hard. But she deserves a real chance. She deserves kindness and patience and to know not everyone is like that bastard. I know not many people would deal with this, especially in a new relationship, but it would be horrible to walk away from a girl I truly care about because she has a complicated past. She was brought into my life maybe so I could make it better." He said.

"Wow, man. I think I wanna date you now." Niall said fluttering his eyelashes at him.

Harry laughed. "Sorry man, my card's full right now. Only room for one name. And it doesn't start with an N."

"Well shit, man, how disappointing." Niall laughed.

Amanda and Julie were finalizing their list, their real list. They already had a fake one they were going to give the guys as a joke. Julie rubbed her face.

"Hey, you ok?" Amanda asked her.

"Yeah, I'm good. It's been a tough one. And I'm tired. Don't tell Harry please, but I'm kind of afraid to sleep. I've been dreaming a lot about the past. It's scary at the moment." She looked at Amanda's face. "Hey, you asked me to be honest with you and come to you with issues instead of burying them. Make up your mind."

"No, I want you to, but don't hide it from Harry." Amanda said.

"He's dealt with enough for right now. Everyone has. I can keep it from you for now too." She said.

"No! Don't you dare!" Amanda said.

"Relax, Panda. I'm not breakable. I've managed to get this far." Julie said.

"JJ, I swear to you if you start to hide from me again, I will..." Amanda started.

Julie stood up. "You will what?" She went over to Amanda and started tickling her. "Huh? Spill it already." She said.

"Stop! Get off me, you brat!" Amanda said laughing and trying to get away. She fell off her chair and onto the floor.

Julie sat on top of her and tickled her some more. "Threaten me. You should know better than that." Julie laughed.

Harry and Niall looked over at the commotion. "Um, what the hell is going on over there?" Niall said to Harry.

Harry laughed. "I don't know, but I'm all for it if I hear laughter and fun." He got up. "Think I'd better go save your girlfriend though."

"JJ, get off of me!" Amanda said breaking her hands free and tickling Julie on the sides. They were both laughing uncontrollably.

Harry came over and grabbed Julie around the waist and picked her up off Amanda. "Hey, don't torture your friend. What she ever do to you?."

"Hey, not fair! Put me down!" Julie laughed and tried to break free.

"Hold her Harry!" Amanda said getting up off the floor; she ran over and tickled Julie while Harry was holding her.

"Seriously, not fair!" Julie said squirming. "Don't you drop me."

Niall was laughing at the scene; but figured since Harry saved Amanda, he should save JJ. He grabbed Amanda around the waist and picked her up. "What has gotten into the two of you?" Niall asked laughing still.

"I'm so tired of being an adult!" Julie said pushing away from Harry and grabbing a pillow. She took it over and hit Amanda with it.

"What the hell, JJ." Amanda pulled away from Niall and grabbed a pillow also and a full out pillow fight erupted.

"What the hell is going on?" Niall asked laughing as he and Harry watched Julie and Amanda jump over the bed and around chairs and tables.

"I have no idea; but again if I'm hearing laughs and happiness, I'm all for whatever it is." Harry looked at Niall and laughed. It got too quiet. They started to turn around, and when they did, they were smacked with the pillows by the girls. "What the fuck!" Harry exclaimed.

"Wait! What was that?" Niall asked.

They both tried to grab the girls, but Julie and Amanda ran. Amanda on the other side of the couch opposite Niall, and Julie the other side of the bed opposite Harry. Niall jumped onto the couch and went towards Amanda, but she slipped around out of his grasp and ended at the opposite end of him again. Harry went around the bed, but Julie jumped on it and off the other side. This went on for a good 10 minutes; but the girls were laughing so hard that eventually they were caught and tackled onto the bed. Niall actually caught Julie and Harry caught Amanda. One on each side. The girls were out of breath and super tired.

"Ok, Harry don't let go." Niall laughed.

"Um, if I don't let go, how are we going to trade?" Harry laughed.

"I don't know, but they are sneaky." He said.

"Just keep us like this, then." Amanda said.

"Yeah, why not?" Julie asked fluttering her eyelashes at Niall.

Niall just shook his head. "You two are too much sometimes."

Amanda looked at Julie and Julie nodded in response. Sometimes it was scary how they communicated silently. At the same time, they both sat up; Amanda kissed Harry quickly on the lips, and Julie kissed Niall. They both lay back laughing at the looks on their faces. It was hilarious. They had gotten out of the holds though. They moved up towards the head of the bed, and Julie laid her head on Amanda's shoulder holding each other's arm.

"You two are quite scary sometimes." Niall finally said after a few minutes of silence.

"I should be mad right now." Harry said.

"Are you?" Julie asked.

He just laughed. "No, for some strange reason I'm not. Getting kissed by a beautiful woman seems to be ok with me. But Niall's right. You two are scary."

Julie yawned and closed her eyes. "No.....just ....." she couldn't even finish, she was so exhausted from not sleeping and from all the emotional ups and downs. She couldn't fight it any longer; she was asleep.

Amanda smiled and kissed Julie's head and then leaned her head on it. "Guess she finally wore herself out enough."

"Well isn't it nice you two are cuddling, but I'm a bit jealous here." Niall said.

"Yeah, what he said. Can I have her?" Harry agreed.

"No. Put on a movie and let her sleep." Amanda said.

Niall laughed. "When did you become so bossy?"

"When my friend decided she actually needed me." She said. And she meant it. JJ had always been the mothering type. Always protecting her and always there when she needed her. She had comforted her many times through many different things. She had never noticed before that she hadn't really had to return the favor. Yes, she was always there whenever JJ needed her, but it was always for school or work. She had never noticed it was never for anything beyond that until now. JJ needed her now more than ever, and she was going to be there for her no matter what.

"Not fair." Harry said. "You get her when you go back home."

"Sorry Harry, but I'm not waking her up. She can lay here as long as she sleeps or wants." Amanda said to him.

"Don't mess with the Mama Bear, Harry, when she's protecting her cub." Niall said. He laughed when Amanda glared at him. "What? It's true."

"Maybe, because you're right, right now. Doesn't matter who; no one gets to mess with her. I never knew she needed protecting. She always protected me. Always seemed so sure, but now that I know she needs protecting more than anyone, I'm up for it." Amanda said.

"You don't have to protect her from me." Harry said. "I wouldn't hurt her."

"I know you wouldn't ever hurt her physically, Harry, or anyway on purpose. But there are very few people I believe she's let in enough to be able to hurt her. And you've become number one on that list very quickly." She looked at his face. "Yes, Harry, I truly believe it. She ran to you, not from you, on that roof. That means a hell of a lot."

He hadn't thought about it that way. Leave it to Amanda to bring it up. It was a heavy, deep thought. It seemed like a lot of responsibility. Was he up for that challenge? He looked over Amanda and at Julie. Yeah, he was. "Well Mama Bear, do I at least have permission to lay on the other side of her if you won't let me take her?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?" She laughed.

"Guess I have to move then." Niall said. He got up, turned on a movie, and turned the lights out. "Guess this turned into a chill kinda night. Least the pressures off." He said as he climbed onto the bed next to Amanda. "There's a lot more people in my bed than I anticipated though." He laughed.

"Are you ok with this?" Amanda asked.

"Oh yeah." He said. "As long as it makes you happy, I'm ok with it."

They were about halfway through the second movie when Amanda looked at Harry. "Ok, you win. I have to pee so you can take her now. I can't believe she hasn't woken up yet."

Harry laughed. "About damn time. I was getting impatient." He gently helped Amanda untangle her arm and rolled Julie over onto his chest. When she instinctively cuddled closer to him, he smiled. It was a great feeling.

Later on that night, everyone was asleep. All of a sudden Julie sat straight up in bed and looked around. It startled everyone. They all woke up. When she looked and saw Amanda, Niall, and Harry all in bed with her, she relaxed laughed and laid back down. "Crap, I thought I was being attacked by giant pillows." She said.

They all knew she was lying; but since she immediately relaxed, they let it go. No need to ask either as they all knew what really happened. "Well, at least you didn't grab one and start hitting us." Niall said. "Got my heart racing though."

"Sorry." She laughed. She looked at the clock. "Holy cow. I've slept like 8 hours already. You should have woken me up."

"No way; you were finally sleeping. No one was going to wake you." Amanda said.

"Well I've invaded your bed and privacy enough." She kissed Amanda's cheek. "Thanks."

"Hey, what about me?" Niall pouted.

"What about you?" Julie asked. She smiled, but then leaned over Amanda. "Thanks, Niall." She kissed him on the cheek.

"You're welcome; now get out." Niall said.

"I have a few choice words for you, Niall. But since I'm a good girl, I will just say. I hate you." She got off the bed and took Harry's outreached hand.

"A good girl? Who you trying to fool? Hate you too, JJ." He said as he wrapped Amanda in his arms.

"Ugh, you could at least wait til we leave." Julie said covering her eyes.

"Shut up, JJ." Amanda laughed. "Love you though."

"Love you too, Panda." She walked out with Harry.

"Can I say it now? Alone at last?" Niall said.

"Yeah, I guess." Amanda laughed. "But it was nice to feel needed."

"Well, I need you." Niall said.

"Oh shut up, you brat." Amanda said laughing and lay on his chest.

"Well, it's true." He said kissing her head and holding her close. "Now be quiet and go to sleep."

"I'm only letting you get away with that because I'm super tired." She pinched him playfully and closed her eyes.

He laughed. "Yeah, well, good thing. Good night, Princess."

Julie came out of the bathroom after washing up and found Harry asleep sitting up on the couch. She carefully climbed on his lap and cuddled up to him her head under his chin.

He smiled when he felt her climb on his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, baby."

"Sorry to wake you, but I kinda need your arms around me." She said.

"Anytime I can, they will be. I know you've already slept like a whole night. Do you wanna do something?" He asked.

"Yes. You." She laughed when she felt his arms tighten. He didn't expect her to say that. She kissed below his ear. "Honestly, I just want to sleep in your arms. I feel like I could sleep for days; and since I only get your arms for tonight and tomorrow night, I want to be in them as much as possible."

"You tease." He laughed but picked her up and stood up. He carried her to the bed.

"We can. I didn't mean to tease you." She said.

"No baby. I'm perfectly fine holding you while we sleep." He laid her down and kissed her. He pulled her to him and held her close. He felt her body completely relax. He was pretty sure it's the first time he'd ever felt her that relaxed. "Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight, my Harry." She fell asleep quickly and comfortably.


	16. Chapter 16

Harry let Niall and Amanda in the next afternoon when they came knocking on the door. "Hey, you guys ready to go?" Niall asked.

"Julie's still sleeping. I need to wake her up." Harry said.

"Still? As in, still from last night?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah." Harry laughed. "I haven't had the heart to wake her yet."

"Well, you better." Niall said. "We have to go like now."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going." Harry walked into the room. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Hey baby, you gotta get up." He laughed when she barely moved. "Julie, babe, come on its time to go to the arena."

"I don't wanna get up." Julie pouted. "I don't want you to go."

"I wouldn't leave you if I didn't have to." He said kissing her forehead again.

She finally opened her eyes and looked at him. "I know. I just feel, off. Why don't you go."

"I don't want to go without you." He said.

"Anyway, you could go for the preshow stuff, and I can take a cab later? You wouldn't see me for that anyway. I could shower and take some migraine meds and meet you there." She said sitting up.

"You sure you're ok?" He asked touching her head gently.

She took his hand from her head and held it. "Yes, just a lot of stress and emotions, and I promise I'm ok. Could you just do me a favor and stop asking? At least for a little while."

"Yes." He kissed her. "Please come as soon as you can. I will have a security person wait for you."

"Not necessary, Harry." Julie said.

"It is for my peace of mind. Can't have my girlfriend out in the city by herself. I would worry too much." He waited for her response.

She looked around. "Who is this girlfriend you speak of? I don't know if I approve. I'd like to meet her."

"Julie...." He started.

"She's a lucky girl, Harry. And trust me, I know firsthand." She got up on her knees and kissed him. "And I will tell you, I have the best boyfriend in the entire world."

"Seriously? That's it? I've been calling you my girlfriend in my head and to my friends for a couple days. I would have brought it up sooner if I'd have known you wouldn't fight me." He laughed.

"I might have before. But what else could this be?" She asked.

"Nothing." He kissed her again. He couldn't stop smiling. "Ok, I have to go. I really don't want to."

"We have tonight, boyfriend." She said.

"Ok, stop saying that, or I will never leave." He kissed her again and helped her off the bed. "Shower, feel better, and get your ass to me as quick as you can."

"Ok, I can do that." She walked him to the front where Amanda and Niall were.

She waved to them both. "I will see you all later."

"Wait. You're not coming?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, I am. Wanna shower and take migraine meds, and then I will be there before show time. I'm good so please don't ask. Can't wait to watch my boyfriend and his friends perform." She kissed Harry and walked back to take her meds and shower.

Amanda and Niall both looked at Harry. "Holy shit. Seriously, Harry?" Amanda asked.

He laughed. "Yeah, I just called her my girlfriend and, amazingly enough, she just went with it. Well, she did have one smart ass remark, but I probably would have worried if she didn't. It was easy."

"Did you just basically put JJ and easy in the same statement?" Niall asked laughing.

Harry laughed. "Yes, I did, but I don't think I will get used to it just yet."

Amanda nodded. "Yeah, that's probably a good decision on your part." She laughed. She then walked up and hugged him. "I'm so happy for you guys. But If you would have told me yesterday morning this is where we would be today, I'd have called you a liar and told you that you were insane.

"Yeah, me too, but I'm not complaining." He grabbed his stuff.

"Guess I get escorted by two handsome men today. I can live with that." Amanda said taking an arm from Niall and Harry.

"I will borrow you an arm for now, but every part of me belongs to that stubborn, strong, resilient, beautiful woman in the other room." Harry said.

"I'm telling ya bro, I'd date you if I could." Niall said laughing again.

Amanda looked at Niall. "Should I leave you two alone?"

"Nah, we will have time when you leave." He laughed when she pinched him.

"Shut up, Niall." Amanda shook her head and laughed. They left to go to the venue.

Later that day, Julie walked into the venue and into the lounge. The guys weren't there yet, but Amanda was. She got up off the couch and ran to Julie and hugged her. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Why?" Julie asked.

"Why?" Amanda said. "Seriously? I heard the 'my boyfriend' comment. It's so great!"

"Oh, I just figured it was kind of obvious. I mean it's kinda gone beyond casual sex and casual dating a while ago."

"OMG, JJ, can't you just be excited for once?" Amanda said.

"I'm happy about it, Panda. I just hope he's able to deal with my ups and downs right now. I can't imagine it's easy on him. Or you for that matter. I tried not to involve everyone, but it seems I have." Julie said.

"Don't. Please. I will be here for you always." Amanda said.

"Ok, let's stop talking about it. Please." Julie said.

"Ok. Ok for now. But don't pull back too much, ok?" Amanda said.

"I'm trying." She went to the couch and sat down.

"I know." Amanda went and sat next to her and put her head on Julie's shoulder. "I can't believe we have to leave in the morning."

"Yeah, it sucks, but back to real life." Julie said.

"This is our life now JJ." Amanda said.

"Yeah, I know. Seems unreal though sometimes." Julie said. She leaned her head back against the couch. "Before you ask. I'm fine. I just wish I could get rid of this headache."

"Maybe you should ask Harry for a neck massage." Amanda said.

"Or I could ask Niall."

"Go for it." Amanda laughed. "He probably would."

"Yeah, he probably would." Julie said closing her eyes.

Amanda got up and met Harry and Niall at the door. "Hi." She kissed Niall. "Harry, JJ's here. Just so you know she's a little off. Still has a headache and think she's in her head a little bit. Keeps saying she's fine, before I even ask."

"Alright. Thanks, Amanda." Harry kissed her cheek and started to walk towards Julie.

"You ok?" Niall asked Amanda wrapping his arms around her.

"Yeah. Just gonna worry a bit. It's still so soon after bringing it up. I'm a bit worried. She does seem to open up more to me, but also seems hard for her."

"She's used to holding it all in and hiding it. I'm sure it is." Niall said kissing her lips. "But you being on her side made her chances a lot better on getting through it."

Amanda smiled at him. "You're so great. You always have such a way to boost my confidence."

"I believe in no one more then I believe in you, babe." He smiled at her.

"Do you just make this stuff up as you go along, or do you have like a book full of it?" Amanda asked.

"All true and off the cuff, baby." Niall laughed.

Harry sat next to Julie and put his arm around her when she leaned on his shoulder. "There's my girlfriend. Can I help get rid of that headache?" He asked her.

Julie opened her eyes and looked behind her like she was looking for his girlfriend. "Oh guess it's going to take some time to get used to that. Probably not." Julie said to him. "But I feel better already with your arm around me."

"Ok, look, I completely adore the fact that you're my girlfriend and you're trying to be more open, but don't change your sassiness and your stubbornness. You are perfect just the way you are. I actually like that about you. . It makes you, you. It's part of who I fell for. I'm not asking you to change." He said looking at her.

Julie opened her eyes and looked at him. "I just don't want to cause anymore tension or drama right now. I feel like I took over everyone's happiness with my crap past. It's a lot for me to handle. I can't even imagine what you think. When you said you wished you didn't have to deal with this....." Julie said, but Harry interrupted her.

"No, Julie I was angry, and I will be honest I don't really know how to deal with this. But I meant I wished it didn't happen, and WE didn't have to deal with it. I won't walk away from you because of this. I enjoy you and your company, and it's part of you. Maybe it's not ideal in a new relationship, but I'm going to show you that you're worth every minute of my time."

"See, you're so sweet, and usually I can only think of sarcastic things to say. I don't want to push you away, but I'm afraid that's all I know." She said.

"Just knowing that makes it easier. I'm sure we will both struggle at some point. We just have to do it together." He said.

Julie intertwined her fingers with Harry's. "I've never heard anything so good. Thanks boyfriend." She said.

He kissed her head. "I can't get enough of that."

The guys left one more time to do some meet and greet photo ops. Julie looked at Amanda. "Hey Panda, let's go stand in line and get a photo."

"Oh, you're brilliant." Amanda said standing up.

"Let's go be fans one last time before the craziness of being the girlfriends sets in. I'm afraid it's not gonna stay a secret for much longer. Even though I'm gonna try." She said as she and Amanda started walking down the hallway to talk to security about being in the photo op.

"I don't know why you're so crazy about that. You should be thrilled Harry wants to call you his girlfriend." Amanda said.

"Oh I am. To me and to him and our friends. I don't need him to shout it to the world. He's never done it before. Why would he need to now?" Julie said to her.

"Maybe he never wanted too before and maybe he does now. Maybe you mean that much more to him. Ever thought of that?" Amanda watched Julie shake her head. "Of course you didn't. But would you really deny him that if he wanted to?"

"Yeah. I might ask him to keep it quiet. Why would it matter if he told everyone about us? Shouldn't it only matter that we know and our families and friends?" She asked as they stopped by security to get into the photo ops.

"It doesn't, but he wouldn't want to hide it when he's in love." Amanda said.

"Oh geezus, will you stop using that word. We haven't gotten there at all. Just stop." Julie said as she got a chill down her spine.

"Oh, you and your fear. Just let it happen." Amanda said as she put the pass on to get into the photo op.

"Shut up now. I'm serious." Julie said joining her as they walked into the room. They were the last ones in line, so they stood back and watched the guys interact with their fans. They were always great to their fans. They took the silliest funniest sweetest pictures with them. "Wow," Julie said to Amanda. "I'm feeling kinda weird about this. Maybe it was a bad idea." She laughed.

"What do you mean?" Amanda laughed at her.

"H looks way too happy to be hugging and picking up all those girls." Julie said.

"Oh my god! You're jealous. I didn't think you could even have that kind of feeling. Welcome to being a real girl, JJ." Amanda said laughing.

Julie gave her a look. "I'm not. It's not jealousy; why would it be?" Was that the feeling? Oh god, she hated it.

"You are. It's so cute that you don't even know it." Amanda said. "And before you say it, I already know you hate me."

Julie just glared at her which made Amanda laugh harder.

As they made their way through the line, they started talking to some fans. Luckily, they hadn't seen the YouTube video or, at least, didn't recognize them if they did, which was hard to believe because Amanda's purple hair was usually pretty obvious. They were asked who their favorite was. Julie told them Louis, and Amanda said Liam. They didn't want to be too conspicuous. The two fans they were talking to were of course Niall and Harry girls. They listened to all their ideas about how they wanted to take their pic with Harry and Niall. Julie had the uncontrollable urge to stab them with a fork. Amanda couldn't stop herself from laughing. It was so funny seeing Julie jealous. She could see it in her face and her posture. It really was humorous to her that Julie didn't even know that's what she was feeling. She hoped Harry got to realize that JJ was jealous. Since JJ was still struggling to show all her emotions, she figured it was a way Harry could know she was all in. It was adorable. They were only a few people away now. Louis nudged Niall and Harry when they were in between people, and they looked at the girls. Julie and Amanda pretended like they didn't notice. They kept up the act of being nervous fans waiting to meet their favorite band.

When the girls in front of them went up to Harry and Niall, Julie set her jaw and crossed her arms. The girl was pushing her luck. And of course, she was young and pretty. When Harry picked her up to take the picture, Julie quietly said out loud this time, "I wanna stab her with a fork." Only Amanda could hear it, and she burst out laughing loudly. She then hugged Julie. "Welcome to the world of jealousy, my friend. Usually you're the voice of reason, because I'm the unreasonable jealous one; however, I promise this is nothing. It's just a picture."

"Whatever this is, I hate it." Julie said.

Everyone looked at Amanda when she laughed out loud. She still hadn't let go of Julie. "I know, but it's normal, believe it or not."

When the girls prior to them walked back towards them, they asked if Julie was ok. Amanda pushed Julie's face into her shoulder when the look Julie gave them could have killed them. "Yes, she's just really nervous. We're good."

When the girls were told to go to the guys they wanted to have their pics with, Niall and Harry opened their arms for hugs; but the girls didn't go to them. Julie walked to Louis and Amanda to Liam. Harry and Niall just stood there with their arms open looking dumbfounded.

Louis wrapped Julie in his arms. "Well, hi there, pretty lady." He said.

"Hi! I can't believe I'm meeting you." Julie said.

Liam wrapped Amanda in a tight hug. "Nice to see you." He said to her.

"I'm so excited! You're my favorite." She said smiling at him.

Louis and Liam laughed. Julie and Amanda put their arms around their waists. "Wait. We want Zayn, too. Right here." Julie said, and both she and Amanda pointed between them.

Zayn laughed and looked at Niall and Harry and shrugged. "Anything for two pretty girls." He smiled and walked between them. They each put an arm around him. They looked at each other and then both reached down and pinched the guys in the asses. Zayn got it twice since he was between the girls. They all kind of jumped and laughed.

Harry and Niall crossed their arms and watched the scene. The picture was taken with the girls hugging and standing close together with Louis, Liam, and Zayn, and Harry and Niall with arms crossed standing off to the side. Then Louis grabbed Julie and picked her up bridal style head towards Zayn. Liam did the same to Amanda. The girls wrapped their arms around the boys' necks and kissed their cheek while another picture was snapped. In the last picture, the girls turned their heads and kissed Zayn's cheeks at the same time. By the time this was all over, all the other fans had left the room.

"Alright, that's enough. Louis can you kindly put my girlfriend down? Joke's over. Very funny. Haha. That's enough." Harry said taking a step towards them.

Julie wrapped her arms tighter around Louis' neck. "Run!" She said to him, and she laughed when he actually did.

"Ok. I'm not amused anymore." Harry said. "Hand her over."

Julie buried her head in Louis' shoulder. "My Louis." She said.

Louis laughed and kissed her head. "Sorry JJ, I'm rather terrified of angry Harry. Not gonna take any chances." He walked up and basically handed her to Harry. "Here ya go, buddy" He said. Julie ended up in Harry's arms the same way she just left Louis'.

"Is it necessary to have to mess with me like that?" Harry asked Julie.

"Yes." She said simply.

"You really are such a brat." He said to her.

"Oh, but its ok for you to do the same thing with tons of girls all afternoon?" She said to him. She swung her legs down so she was standing on the floor.

"Wait. Where did that come from?" Harry asked. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Forget it." She said to him.

Meanwhile, Niall walked up to Liam and Amanda. "What the hell? Um, aren't you in the wrong person's arms?" He said to Amanda.

"Nah." She said. "Seems alright to me."

"Seriously, I'm not amused either." Niall said.

"Sorry Amanda. I'm outta this one." Liam laughed and put her down. "All yours, Niall." He walked away.

Niall just looked at Amanda. "Seriously?"

"Aww, baby, are you jealous?" She stepped up to him.

"Maybe." He said.

"Of Liam? Who has a girlfriend, and with you standing right there?" She laughed.

"Yeah, well, when is jealousy rational?" He said pulling her towards him.

"Never. I know the feeling." She kissed him.

"Alright. Time for sound check then to grab something to eat then show time. " Paul said.

Amanda walked up to Julie and Harry with Niall. "Ok, but when we eat, we need to keep the forks away from JJ." She laughed at the look Julie gave her.

"Um, why babe?" Niall asked.

"Because she said she was gonna stab the girls in Harry's arms with a fork. I'm concerned for their safety." She laughed harder when Julie pinched her.

Harry laughed and looked down at Julie. "Seriously?"

Julie just shrugged.

"Yeah. It's so cute. She didn't even realize it, but she's jealous." Amanda said laughing at how uncomfortable with even the word Julie was.

"Shut up, already." Julie said to Amanda. When Amanda laughed harder she said, "Yeah, you better keep the forks from me. I might stab Panda with one."

Amanda couldn't stop laughing. She had tears in her eyes.

"Amanda! I swear to you right now!" Julie said to her.

"Ok, let's go." Niall said to her. "I think I might actually fear for your safety right now." He took her hand and walked her to the door.

Harry held Julie's hand so she couldn't leave the room. When they were alone he looked her in the eyes. "Jealous? Really?" He asked.

"I don't know. But I just know I didn't like it. Not at all. And especially not after the things they'd said." She got a chill just thinking about it. "Whatever the feeling is I hate it."

He could see it in her eyes. She was jealous. He didn't know why it was so hot to him. Knowing just him touching some other girl, no matter how innocent, bothered her that much was hot. He slid his hands under the back of her shirt so he was touching skin. "You should know I only have eyes for you." He said.

She shivered when he touched her skin. "And 50 other girls everyday."

"No, Julie. That's work." He pulled her tightly to him. "You are all pleasure." He said kissing her deeply. His tongue working hers.

After a few minutes, Julie pulled back from him and crossed her arms. "It doesn't seem all that hard."

He walked over and locked the door. He walked up behind her and pulled her back against him. "Oh, it's hard." He said kissing her neck. His hands finding her stomach under her shirt.

"That is so not what I meant." Julie said to him. But she could feel him on her back. There was no question he was right. She gasped and grabbed his wrist when his hand found its way down the front of her pants. "Harry."

"Shhhhhh." He said nibbling on her ear lobe. "Just let it happen. Enjoy it."

She loosened her grip a little, but when he slid it further down, she tightened it again. "Oh god." She bit her lip. "I dunno."

He took his other hand and took hers off his wrist. He placed it back up around his neck. He knew he'd found the spot he was looking for when her hand clenched on his hair and her back arched against him. "Harry..I can't."

"You can. It's perfect." He said kissing down her neck. He took his other arm and wrapped it around her waist pulling her as tight against him as he could. When their movement caused her to rub up against him, he moaned and bit his own lip. His muscles tightened around her waist which almost took her feet off the floor.

Julie leaned her head back against his chest. Oh the feeling. She'd never felt like this before. He was all about making sure she felt everything, but she could tell it was driving him just as crazy. She never knew it could happen that way. That a guy could be pleasured that much by simply pleasuring her. "Oh god, oh shit. I'm....oh...geez...." She was speechless. She had such a high but could feel it was all about to come to a release. It was the most intense and pleasurable pain she ever felt.

He could feel her tense up. He could tell she was almost ready; he leaned over and found her lips. The kiss was incredible. When she bit his lip and closed her eyes, he knew. He felt it. He felt her whole body tremble and her legs clench together. Her knees buckled, and he couldn't take anymore. He hit the high, too. She didn't touch him. Not other than her hand in his hair and back against him, but he released too. He laughed. "Wow."

"Yeah. Wow." She said. She was still coming down from the high he'd just gave her. She couldn't move yet. How did he know that could happen? She shook her head. She didn't want to know. She removed his hand from her pants and turned towards him, resting her cheek on his chest. "I want you to feel this way, too." She said.

He leaned his cheek on her head. "Yeah, about that. I may need a shower and a change."

She looked up at him. "I didn't even..."

"Yeah, I know. But everything about it was amazing. I felt everything you felt. I can't explain it either; but when its right, its right. And that was right." He kissed her lips, her nose, her forehead. "I think I'd better go get cleaned up." He laughed again. "I think I need to make you jealous more often. Apparently, I like it."

She shook her head. "I don't. I don't like the feeling at all. I hate it in fact."

"I seriously just want you, babe. No one could even come close to making me feel how you do." He really couldn't explain it either. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he liked it. This girl was taking him on the ride of a lifetime, and it'd only been about a month. Whatever it was, he was gonna go with it.

"I'm sure your people aren't too happy you disappeared when you've got things you're supposed to be doing. Let's get you back." She said walking towards the door.

"Wait." He said pulling her back to him. He looked her in the eyes.

Julie was confused. He just kept staring her in the eyes. Almost like he was searching for something. "Harry, what are you doing?"

"I honestly don't know." He kissed her. "Ok, let's go."

Niall took Amanda back to the dressing room. No one else was in there yet. He locked the door and walked up to her. He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled on it gently. "You know, I'm not going to know what to do when you leave. Always wondering what you're doing. Remembering what you feel like and smell like. What your hands feel like on my body."

She looked up at him a little shocked. "Wow, Niall."

"I want to remember. Every inch of you." He ran his hand down the side of her neck and shoulder. He pulled her closer with his other arm. "From your nose." He said as he kissed it. "To your toes." He ran his hand under her shirt and bra and over her breast. When he squeezed it tighter, she closed her eyes. He smiled and ran his hand down her stomach. When he leaned down and his mouth traced the path his hand had just taken, Amanda threw her head back. He stood up straight, picked her up, and set her on the table. He took her shirt off, undid her bra, and kissed her chest. He slowly kissed down her stomach to her belly button.

Oh Christ, Amanda thought. What was going on? He was doing things to her that she wasn't used to. When his mouth slid below her belly button, she grabbed his hair with her hands. "Niall." was all she got out before he undid her button running his mouth lower. She wanted to tell him he didn't have to, that she could help pleasure him, but she couldn't speak. When his mouth found her sensitive spot, she tightened her grip on his hair.

When she did, he pulled back quickly and took his shirt off. His mouth found her again, and he rubbed the inside of her thighs. She was losing her mind. She didn't know she could feel like this. She felt herself ready. She felt like she was going to explode. She wanted him to feel it with her. She wanted him inside her. "Niall. Please."

He knew what she meant. He slid out of his pants and entered her. They came together. It was erotic and sensual, and the most amazing feeling either had ever had. They didn't think about anything else. He laid his head on her chest. He couldn't even move. Her chest was heaving. It was the most comfortable thing. He could hear her heart beating. It started to slow down, and he looked at her. "That was incredible." He managed to get out.

"You're telling me." She kissed him.

They heard a knock on the door. Both scrambled to get their clothes. "Shit." Niall said, but he was laughing. "Hope they don't have the key."

Amanda was in a panic. Of course, the more she panicked, the more she struggled to find her clothes and get them on. They heard the key in the lock.

Harry and Julie walked in after the door was unlocked for them. "Oh, Jesus Christ." Julie said turning around and burying her face in Harry's chest. Harry burst out laughing, first at seeing Niall and Amanda, and then at Julie's reaction. "Yeah, um, sorry. Next time, say just a minute or something. We will give you a moment." He practically had to carry Julie from the room; she wouldn't move from against his chest.

"Babe, you can relax now; we are out of the room." Harry said to Julie after the door was closed.

"No, oh my god." She said into his chest.

He laughed at her. He thought it was hilarious that it was Niall and Amanda who had been caught, and Julie seemed just as embarrassed. He should have known. "It's natural. Come on, you had to know they were...."

"Harry! Stop!" She stepped back from him and turned away. "I don't wanna talk about it. Seriously. Stop."

He couldn't help but laugh. "You are so cute when you're frustrated."

"Seriously, stop talking." She said to him.

"We were just in a similar situation. It happens." He said trying not to laugh.

"Oh, my god!" Julie said. "Seriously! That will never happen again now. Just please stop talking." Julie said. "I'm going to find Lottie or Lou or anyone else right now. I will see you at the sound check. Clean up, change, do whatever you have to. I am so done with this conversation. I am going to pretend it never happened." Julie said as she went to walk away.

He pulled her back. "I will never be embarrassed about being with you. No matter who knows."

"Ok, apparently we are kinda far apart on this. I am not embarrassed to be with you. And I'm learning how good you are. But I do not want everyone to know. They can assume whatever. Call me a prude or neurotic or whatever, but that should be between you and me." She said.

"Baby, you are not a prude. I do hope I can show you that it's nothing to be embarrassed about though. We will just have to keep working on it." He said as he smiled an evil grin.

She laughed. "Oh geez. Ok fine, but right now I am running away."

He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply working her tongue for a long time.

By the time he broke the kiss, she was overwhelmed. She couldn't even open her eyes. "You suck." She shook her head and looked at him. "This day has been crazy. I'm seriously going to find someone else to talk to. About something other than...." She shook her head. "Yeah, you know."

"So cute." He smiled but let her go. "For now, I will let you go. See you soon."

Niall finally opened the door for Harry. "Well geez, what took you so long? Round two?" Harry asked as he walked in.

Amanda covered her face. "Oh, geez."

Harry laughed. "Hope it was at least good."

Niall shook his head. "Let it go. Really?"

"Oh, I'm just making sure you are satisfying your girl, man." Harry couldn't help it. He found it so funny.

"Oh my god, Harry!" Amanda said. "Stop!"

"Is that what you said to Niall? Oh my god, Niall?" Harry laughed harder.

"Harry! Ok, stop now! For real!" Amanda said. "Where's JJ?"

"Oh, you completely freaked her out. She ran, said didn't wanna talk about it. Said she was going to pretend it didn't happen. I tried to tell her it was natural, but she wasn't buying it." Harry said.

"Great." Amanda said.

"Yeah, I don't know what was funnier, you guys or her. I tried to tell her there's no shame in good sex, but she wouldn't discuss it. You guys agree right?" He laughed when they both closed their eyes and shook their heads at him. "Alright, I need to shower and change and get ready for sound check. Try to be done by the time I get out."

"Harry!" Amanda said, but he just kept laughing as he walked into the showers. "Oh my god. I am seriously embarrassed, and he is not going to let it go is he?"

"No, probably not. I'm sure he is going to use it for a while." Niall said.

"Oh good. Do you think he's going to tell everyone else?" She asked.

"I doubt it. He might give us a hard time, but he wouldn't do anything he thinks would hurt you. That's not Harry." Niall said.

"Ok, that's a relief. I'd better go find JJ." She walked up and kissed him. "See you at sound check."


	17. Chapter 17

Julie was sitting on a speaker on stage listening to the band warm up when Amanda walked up to her.

"JJ I just wanted...."  Amanda started.

Julie's hands flew up and covered her ears.  "No!  Don't speak about it.  I just wanna pretend it never happened!" 

"Listen I just...."  Amanda tried again.

"No I swear to you right now I do not want to even think about it.  It gives me the creeps.  Please do not mention it."  Julie said again.

Amanda couldn't help but laugh.  "You are so weird."

Julie shivered.  "Ugh I swear I'm never gonna get it out of my head."

"Harry was right you are pretty funny."  Amanda said.

"Oh Jesus Christ.  Don't you people have anything better to talk about.  Like how's the weather.  Not how's your sex life?"  Julie said.

"So, how is your sex life?"  Amanda asked laughing.  Today was quite the comical day when it came to JJ.  There weren't many.

"Amanda I really am going to hurt you."  Julie cringed.

Amanda laughed and started to say something else but Julie was glad she was interrupted by the band.  They wanted to know if there was a song the girls liked that the guys didn't play during the shows anymore.

"Stand Up!"  Julie and Amanda both said at the same time.  The band started playing the song.  The girls got up and danced around like it was playing in the living room and they were at home.  Since it was just the band they were kinda singing the lyrics but you couldn't hear them over the band.  It was so much fun.

When the song was over they turned around quickly when they heard applause.  Harry, Niall, Liam, Louis and Zayn were walking out on stage clapping.  Julie buried her face in her hands and Amanda on Julies shoulder.

"How embarrassing.  You people really need to learn to stop sneaking up on people."  Julie admonished them.

"Oh, but when we do we get to see the best parts of people.  We like watching people make a fool out of themselves."  Louis laughed.

Julie walked over and playfully punched him in the stomach.  "Why are you such a jackass?"

"Because I completely adore you."  He said laughing.

"Jackass."  She said again.

"Where did that song come from?"  Liam asked. " I didn't even know the band remembered it.  I'm not sure I remember it."  He laughed.

"Oh my god!"  Julie said. "Panda and I are obsessed with that song."

"It's true."  Amanda laughed.  "Its our go too song when we are bored and alone."

It was time for sound check.  Julie and Amanda went back to the side of the stage so they could watch and listen.  They usually only did a couple of songs and then were done so the girls were kind of surprised when they were talking to each other and the band for awhile after what they thought was the last song.  The girls looked at each other when they didn't recognize the song that started playing. 

Then they heard Niall say.  "We are going to let you guys hear a song or two from the new album.  This ones called "Ready To Run"  I think it properly says things 1 or 2 of us might want to say right now." 

Julie and Amanda had heard some songs leaked from the new album but this was not one of them.  How exciting.  The girls listened intently to hear the lyrics.

The chorus was especially telling.

This time I'm ready to run  
Escape from the city and follow the sun  
'Cause I wanna be yours  
Don't you wanna be mine  
I don't wanna get lost in the dark of the night  
This time I'm ready to run  
Wherever you are is the place I belong  
'Cause I wanna be free  
And I wanna be young  
I'll never look back now I'm ready to run  
I'm ready to run

The girls watched them finish the rest of the song; and after it was over they looked up at Harry and Niall.  How they could say everything through a song was unbelievable.  They started to say something but Harry stopped them.  "We have one more.  Hold your thoughts until after that.  This song is called Illusion."  He looked into Julies eyes but talked to them both.  "Listen carefully."  He backed up from her a little bit.

Niall smiled and kissed Amanda and got his guitar.

When Harry got ready to sing his verse he stood right in front of Julie and held her hand. He made sure he looked her directly in the eyes when he sang the following:

But believe me   
I'm not trying to deceive you   
I promise falling for me   
Wont be a mistake

Julie kind of took a step back at the lyrics.  It fit too well.  He knew she was completely afraid of falling for him.  He was trying to make her realize that it wouldn't be a mistake to let herself fall for him completely.  It was quite overwhelming.  Her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at him.  When the chorus came on the tears fell out onto her cheeks.

Harry took his thumb and wiped the tears from her cheek.  It said exactly what he wanted it to.  There was something special between them.  He hoped it would continue to grow.  He just wanted her to believe in them and want to fight for it with him.  He hoped it came across in the song.

Niall walked up to Amanda playing his guitar.  She thought that it was the sexiest thing in the world when he played the guitar.  When he started the lyrics in his verse she couldn't help but smile.  She thought back to the moment they had just had in the dressing room.  And how she believed in everything they were and it could not have been more perfect.

You can tie me up in chains   
You can throw away the key   
But there's no trapped doors   
I'm not gonna leave   
You're the truth I can't explain   
You're the only one I see   
Its not an illusion to me

When the song was over Julie walked up to Harry and buried her face into his chest.  She wasn't ready to look him in the eye yet.  She was still trying to process everything he was trying to tell her through the lyrics in those songs.  It was a lot.  She couldn't believe what he was trying to say to her.

He wrapped his arms around her waist so his hands and the microphone were behind her back.  "Baby, I don't want to scare you.  But I needed to let you know how I'm feeling.  I'm completely invested in you and I.  I don't know what this is exactly, or where it's going to lead in the end.  But I'm seriously Ready to Run anywhere with you.  And I promise that falling for me won't be a mistake.  I will never let you hit the ground.  You're all I can even think about.  Its not a trick or a game.  Its real.  Just tell me you feel it too."  He wasn't sure how she was going to react.  He just threw a lot at her.  He just hoped she didn't run the other way.  Its only been a month since he met her.  He couldn't explain it, even to himself but her being with him was all he wanted.

After a couple more minutes Julie stepped back and looked him in the eye.  She had tears streaming down her face.  "Harry.  This is....its so much....and to be said in song lyrics.  I'm completely overwhelmed and shocked.  But I couldn't be anymore blessed that you chose me to sing those lyrics too."  She reached up and kissed him.  She buried herself back into his chest.  She was overwhelmed.  But she was right where she belonged.  She couldn't ask for anything more.

Niall put his guitar away and walked up to Amanda.  "So what did you think about the new songs?"

"I think they are completely incredible.  Were you singing to anyone in particular?"  Amanda asked.

"Nah, Harry wanted to sing them to JJ, so we just went with it."  He laughed hard when she gave him the look.  "Of course babe, I was singing them directly to you.  Maybe its only been a short time but you are my home.  You hold my heart.  I was ok with being single before.  But then I met you.  I have fallen for you completely.  No tricks, no illusions, and I will definitely let you tie me up in chains.  This is what I've been wanting my whole life."

She kissed him.  Oh my god, this guy was the most amazing guy in the world.  "I have been waiting my whole life for someone like you.  Although you exceed all expectations; I didn't know guys like you actually existed my Prince."  She kissed him deeply.

The guys were nonstop between sound check and the show that night.  The girls caught glimpses of them as they walked by to go to one thing after another.  It was slightly frustrating not to be able to at least discuss what happened during sound check in private.  Julie had way too much time to think about all the pressure.  She hadn't really said a word and when Amanda would try and talk to her she would give basically one word answers.

"Hey."  Amanda said sitting down next to Julie.  "You ok?"

"I dunno.  That sound check was intense.  Glad they didn't give out tickets to that one."  Julie said half joking.  "I just think, I dunno.  Guess I need to talk to Harry."

"JJ you're not going to do anything stupid are you?"  Amanda asked.

"Wow, thanks best friend for the support."  Julie said to Amanda.

"I've just realized that you like to sabotage yourself. Harry basically just poured his heart out to you and all I can see you doing is running away.  Don't.  Please."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for something so intense.  We just barely said we were together and now he basically says he doesn't want to live without me.  That's intense and it's a lot of pressure especially since I'm so messed up right now.  I don't want to hurt him but I'm afraid he may have really high expectations of me."  Julie said rubbing her face.  "So everyone keeps saying open up don't hide your feelings but then no one wants to hear what I say."

"That's not true.  We do.  Just so you don't hurt yourself by thinking you don't deserve what he's offering."  Amanda said.  When Julie didn't say anything and looked at the floor Amanda sighed.  "Yeah that's what I figured."  She wished Julie didn't think she deserved so little because of her past.  She hoped Harry would have an easier time later.

The girls got up and went to go watch the show. It was just about to start.  Before they could leave the room though Niall and Harry came running down the hallway.  They wrapped Julie and Amanda in great big hugs.   
Julie wrapped her arms around Harry's neck when he picked her up off the floor.  He said to her, "I'm gonna be in so much trouble but I couldn't go on without seeing you first."  He kissed her quick.  Looked at her and then kissed her longer.  "Ok I gotta go."

"Break a leg babe.  Well knowing you don't really break a leg.  Remember its just an expression."  Julie smiled at him and gave him one more kiss as he put her down.

Niall kissed Amanda.  "Had to come see you too.  Just wouldn't feel like a good show if I didn't see you first."  He kissed her again.  "Harry's right though we are in so much trouble.  Better go.  See you soon Princess!"

The girls watched Harry and Niall sprint back down the hallway.  They could hear the opening music.  They were definitely cutting it close.  They walked down towards the stage.  It wasn't ideal standing behind the stage but it was much easier then trying to work their way to the side of the stage in front of the fans.  The show of course was amazing.  They definitely knew how to show their fans an amazing time.  They were funny and kind and joked with them.  It was different than any other concerts they had ever been too.  Towards the end of the show Niall addressed the crowd.

"So earlier today some friends of ours brought up a song from our first album.  Said it was a song they enjoyed and had fun with.  Its been a long time since we've performed this song, but we are gonna give it a whirl.  This is for them.  Its called Stand Up.  If you remember it sing along."  He said.

The girls looked at each other.  They felt pretty important right then.  One little suggestion and they added a song to the concert.  It was great.  Such a fun song.  The guys seemed to be having a lot of fun bringing it back and singing it again.  The fans of course knew every word.  The girls loved seeing them perform it.  A throwback but also so different seeing them perform it years later.  They watched Niall and Harry come towards the side of the stage they were at towards the end of the song.  Their favorite part.  They didn't make it obvious but they did look at the girls a couple of times.  They couldn't help but smile when they sang "you can call me a thief, but you should know your part, I'm only here cuz you stole my heart." 

Julie just shook her head at Harry.  He was really throwing these song lyrics at her today.  It was a lot to take.  It was adorable but very overwhelming.  She loved this song though and the message was so cute.  She really wondered if she had the ability to steal anyone's heart.  But she was grateful for him.  He made her want to work on accepting him and kindness and acceptance.  It was still hard and a lot of work.  But she hoped she could work through it.  He was unlike anyone else she met.  Although her experience with men was very limited and not the most pleasant.  She sighed.  Could she be anymore confused.

Amanda smiled at Niall.  She thought the song should have been sung by her to him.  He definitely stole her heart.  She really was happy with how things were going and he really was such a spectacular guy.  He should be glad she didn't sing it to him though.  She couldn't sing.  She laughed and thought yeah definitely don't need that.  He can sing it all the time.  He could sing every word to her. He was amazing.  What a great life she was living.  How could you ask for more at this point?

When the song ended Niall addressed the crowd again.  "Well that was fun.  Hope y'all enjoyed it.  The next song we are going to sing is Strong.  It's a great message to those who have come into your life and make a big impact. Who just by being there make you stronger then you are alone.  So to anyone who has that person in your life.  Its dedicated to you."  Niall glanced to the side of the stage towards Amanda.  He didn't want to come out and straight say it was for her but he wanted to make sure she knew that's what he meant.  He hoped she did.

Julie looked at Amanda and smiled.  She seriously could not be happier.  Niall was a great guy.  She knew first hand. He became a quick friend to her even through all the trouble.  She loved the look on Amanda's face. It showed pure happiness.  Life sure seemed to have improved greatly for them both since Niall walked into the ER that day.  Who knew what power was at work but dang it was a good one.

Amanda watched Niall through the song.  What an incredible dedication.  The way he looked at her, the way he talked to her and the song he chose to dedicate to her.  He seemed to think she made his life that much better.  In reality she thought he made her life that much better.  What a month its been.  She never knew a month with a guy could change her life so much but it had.  She believed she could love him.  She wasn't sure she was ever in love before.  This felt so different. So right.  Could you fall in love so quickly?  She would find out because she definitely wasn't going anywhere.  This man was all she could ever ask for.

After Strong Harry addressed the crowd.  "Great song!  The next song we are going to do goes out to all of you who have someone in your life you want to make sure gets through all the pain and heartache they've ever experienced. It's a song that lets them know that you will help carry them through the darkness of all their worries and wonders.  Let them know that no matter what happened in the past you want to see them happy and make them laugh again and make sure they know that you will help them through it all.  And its called, Through The Dark."

(Lyric video attached)

Amanda looked at JJ.  She swore she could feel the chaos going on in JJs mind.  The lyrics to this song fit her and Harry's situation better than any.  He had already told her he wanted to be the one to be able to help her through her past.  And her past was dark there was no question.  The whole group was super supportive of her best friend.  She was glad.  She wasn't sure how she would have been able to deal with all of this by herself.  She would have but Harry and Niall and even the rest of them made the daunting task seem much more manageable.  JJ no doubt still had the instinct to pull back and run she could sense it almost every time something got serious but so far she had fought it.  So far she managed to stay.  She couldn't have asked for a nicer guy to fall for her friend.  She seriously meant it when she told him his kindness and his patience could be the best thing to happen to JJ.  Not many guys would not only accept this difficulty but embrace it and want nothing more than to help her through it.  And so far, Harry proved he was up for the task.  Now to help JJ accept it.

Julie took a few steps back when she realized Harry was talking about her and their situation.  She always loved this song but she had never heard the lyrics so clearly before.  Every verse, every solo, every chorus, was directed at her.  Every one of the guys circled towards her when they sang their part and every one made sure to look at her for a few seconds.  This was getting to be way too much.  Her flight instinct was in full force.  She wanted to run.  Her brain was overloaded with emotion and she had fought so long not to feel anything that it was becoming way too much to handle.  She had been trying not to disappear or run but it was becoming more difficult.  What was she going to do?   She felt her hands start to shake and her heart felt like it was going to escape her chest.  Her anxiety was getting the best of her.  She took a few deep breaths and planted her feet. She kept telling herself not to run.  She was losing the battle. She wanted too.  The tears she was fighting spilled over her cheeks and she clenched her fists.  She looked at Amanda.  She felt helpless.

Amanda could see it in JJs eyes.  The fear, the confusion, the thoughts of running.  She could almost feel the pain in her own heart.  She hadn't run, but she could feel her about too.  She grabbed JJ and held her arms tight.  She could feel the tenseness and the uncertainty in her muscles.  As the song ended she pulled her into a seriously tight hug.  She felt JJs body tremble.  She didn't want to let go to see if it was from crying or fear.  She figured it may be a combination. The concert was almost over.  She could sacrifice a few songs to comfort her friend.  Let's remove her from the immediate situation and see if that may stop her from running further.  "Hey, let's go wait for them in the car.  Or even back at the hotel.  It's almost over anyway."

"No, I don't want to take you from Niall.  I can stay or maybe go on my own.  I'm ok."  Julie lied.

"Yeah sure you are.  I told you to stop lying and keeping things from me.  I'm coming with you.  End of story."  Amanda said to her.

"No.  I think I need some time alone.  I promise I won't go anywhere but the hotel.  I promise I will be there when Harry gets there. But I need some time.  I've had eagle eyes on me since everyone found out about this.  I just...I can't....I need some time.  Please."  She practically begged Amanda.

"You PROMISE me that you will not go anywhere except the hotel and Harry and your room?  I mean a real promise.  No, let me at least go back with you.  I can go to Niall and my room but let me go back."  Amanda said.

"No, you have to trust me at some point.  You can't be with me every minute."  Julie said.

"Ok, alright.  Can you at least text me when you get there."  She saw the look on JJs face.  "Just humor me please."

"Ok fine. I will."  Julie wrapped her arms around herself and walked away.

Amanda sighed.  She hoped she didn't regret this.  And she hoped Harry understood.  As long as she's in his room when he gets there, things should be ok.  She hoped so.  She took a deep breath and watched the rest of the show.

When Niall and Harry along with the rest of the guys made it to the cars to go back to the hotel, Amanda saw Harry looking for JJ.  "Hey Harry, she went back to the hotel early.  Said she'd meet you in the room."

Harry looked at her closed his eyes, and took a deep breath and then looked at her again.  "How long did it take her to run?"

"After Through the Dark.  I could feel her uneasiness almost immediately but she fought it.  She practically planted her feet in the ground.  I actually suggested leaving.  I wanted to go with her but she said she wanted time alone.  She promised she would be there when you got back and she said I had to trust her at some point.  Said she's felt watched by eagle eyes since everyone found out.  I just hope I did the right thing."  Amanda said.

Harry kissed her cheek.  "No one has better intentions with her than you.  I knew I was pushing my luck with everything today but since you leave in the morning I was running out of time."

Amanda wondered if she should tell him about the conversation earlier; about JJ all but admitting she thought she didn't deserve him.  In the end she decided to wait.  She needed to let them work through this and even though she'd like to get involved to help, she knew she better let them do it on their own.  It was hard though.  She just hoped Harry could figure it out or come to her first before he gave up.  "Thanks Harry.  I'm rooting for you."  She kinda laughed.

"Thanks, I'm rooting for me too."  He said as he got in the car.


	18. Chapter 18

Niall unlocked Amanda and his hotel room. He knew they only had a few hours left before Amanda had to go to the airport to go back home. He understood. He knew it had to happen but he wasn't looking forward to it at all. Things were progressing quickly but he knew it had to if it was going to work. There wasn't much time to get to know someone and go through the dating process. They got to know each other a lot through phone conversations, but it was just nice to be able to wake up next to someone. Know someone was always there for you and always on your side. He had great people around him but this was just different. He looked at Amanda. "I wish you didn't have to go yet. Seems like it goes so fast and its always time to say goodbye."

"Some pretty smart guy I know told me once, it's not goodbye, it's see ya later. I think he gave pretty good advice." She said walking into his arms.

He smiled and wrapped her tightly in his arms. "You think he's pretty smart huh?"

"Yeah I do. We will see each other as much as possible. You will have some extra time soon, and I can work a lot for a while to have extended time off. We can make it work. Long as I know I get to come back to you and your arms. Or you can come to me and mine, then we can make anything work." She told him.

"Now who is giving the great advice? That sounds positively perfect to me." He said kissing her.

"Oh you are so good for my ego." Amanda laughed. "I make you strong huh?"

He smiled. "I'm glad you caught that. Yeah its really nice to know you have someone there for you. I do need you. Already. And I think...." He kind of looked at the floor and bit his lip. "I think I may...." He was wondering if it was a good time. Screw it, he thought. "I think I may be falling in love with you."

Amanda stepped back and looked at him. She was in shock. She wasn't expecting it so soon. She was so taken aback she didn't speak right away. She just kept looking at him.

"Um, well. Maybe I shouldn't have...." Niall started.

"No! I'm sorry." Amanda quickly jumped in. "No you should have. Its just, I'm not sure I really know what love is; that I've been in love. What it feels like."

He took her hand and put it on his chest over his heart. "It feels like this. Like your heart is beating so loudly the world can hear it, and that it might come right out of your chest. It feels like there is no other person in the world you would want to spend your time with. It's knowing that the person is always there even when things aren't perfect. It's understanding the why's even though you may not always like them."

She smiled and looked up at him. "Then..." she put his hand over her heart. "I think I'm falling in love with you too."

He smiled a big, happy, cheesy smile. "Oh thank god." He kissed her. "Now come here so I can show you." He pulled her tightly to him and kissed her deeper and longer. They would make love that night. And it was the best feeling in the world.

Harry walked into the hotel room. It was dark and quiet. He immediately thought Julie was gone. That she ran. He turned on a small lamp and noticed her shoes on the floor. Took a minute, but he saw a lump under the comforter in the bed. He took a deep breath of relief. He walked over to the side of the bed she was laying on and sat at the edge. Half her head was all that was sticking out of the comforter. He moved a strand of hair from her face. She looked on edge again. Maybe he should have waited. She needed to know though. Maybe he felt protective, maybe he felt like someone needed to save her, and maybe he thought he was brought into her life to be that one. He wasn't sure, but she was leaving in a few hours; he had to let her know that he wanted to be there, that he wanted to help her. He wanted to be with her. Now he was afraid though, that if she did pull back, if she did run, since she was leaving he was going to have a harder time convincing her. It was a constant battle. He felt it was best to be honest and he had never felt this way so quickly about anyone.

Julie could feel him staring at her. She heard him come in, but she wasn't ready for the conversation they had to have. She needed a few more minutes to figure out what to say. She was trying to be open and honest like they've asked but she just wanted to run. Leave in a few hours, and be done with it all. She wanted to just get out of the intense situation, and stay busy, and not think about it. It would be a temporary fix though. She knew that he would always come back into her mind. That when he decided he had enough of her running, she would regret not giving him a real chance. She was overwhelmed though. She tried to stop it, but a tear escaped her closed eyes. She was hoping he didn't notice. But he did.

He wiped her tear gently from her cheek. "So you are awake. Can you please look at me?"

She took a deep breath to steady herself. She removed the comforter, put it under her arm, and opened her eyes to look at him. He was by far the most handsome man she had ever met. And his eyes were so kind and so welcoming. She sat up criss cross and faced him. She tried to blink back the tears but was unsuccessful. She was frustrated she was crying so much.

"I scared you, didn't I?" When she nodded he continued. "I was hoping I wouldn't, but I figured I might. I'm not asking anything from you other than what we've already discussed. Just give me a chance to be with you. Let's just see where it goes. But I still want to help you through the dark. I still want to show you that there is a lot more out there and show you that when you think about a relationship it isn't about the pain and the bad, but it's about kindness and caring, and the good."

"Harry this is too intense for me. I can't deal with it. I'm struggling to deal with it. I never thought it would become this already. Part of me..." she stopped and bit her lip. He wasn't going to take what she was going to say well. "Never mind. Can we just slow down, please? I'm trying really hard not to just run back to being alone and too busy to worry about any of this, but right now that's all I want to do."

"Tell me. Part of you what? You wanting to run isn't a surprise." He said.

"Part of me....Harry, I don't." She saw the look on his face. "I just wonder how much of this is about me, and how much of this is about you thinking it's now your responsibility to try and fix me. And that once you feel I'm fixed it won't be as appealing to you. I don't want to be your charity case. Sometimes, I think you're too nice to leave. I don't want to hurt you and I know that saying that hurt you." She reached out to touch his cheek, but dropped her hand when he pulled back from her. "I deserve that."

He got up and started pacing the room. "You know what the worst part of you saying that is? Is that I'm not sure if you really mean it, or if you're just trying whatever you feel would be most effective in pushing me away. And that's frustrating."

Julie ran her hands through her hair. "I just don't want...I don't know. As scared as I am to be with you, I'm just as scared to be without you." She laid back on the bed. "You are scaring the hell out of me."

He walked over and looked down at her. "I just want a chance to see if we could fall in..."

Julie sat up quickly and interrupted him. "Don't say it."

"Just a chance to fall in..." He tried again.

She quickly covered his mouth with her hand. "Don't!"

He removed her hand from his mouth. "Fall In L..."

She kissed him. Long and deep. She wanted him to shut up.

When she finally broke the kiss Harry took a deep breath. "Are you trying to shut me up now using my tactics?"

"Yes." She said.

"It's not going to be that ea.." He started but she kissed him again. She put her hands in his hair and bit his lip gently. "Now you're just trying to......" He watched her take off her shirt. "Shit, not fair." He knew she was trying to distract him from the subject. He shouldn't fall for it. She was so frustrating and he just shouldn't let her distract him. But it was working. She was leaving in a few hours, and he just wanted her, and didn't want to spend the last few hours he had with her arguing. He leaned over her so she laid back on the bed again and climbed over her. "You are very bad. But very good at it." They would have time to fight through this. Right now they could do what they do best. Be together.

Niall and Amanda made the most out of the few hours they had left. There was no sleeping involved. Neither wanted to say goodbye. Niall watched Amanda sit up. "Already?"

"Yeah. We have an early flight. Have a feeling will sleep the whole way, since my boyfriend didn't let me sleep at all." She smiled at him.

"Yeah well I don't regret it." He said.

"Me either, but I have to shower and get ready." She kissed him and went to shower.

Julie laid down on Harry's shoulder out of breath. "Ok, I'm done." She kind of laughed. "You win. I can't take anymore."

He closed his eyes and chuckled. "What it's only been like 3 hours."

She rolled her eyes, picked her head up, and looked at him. "I'm not used to performing for 3 hours straight. I have no idea how you did that after putting on a show not long before that."

"What can I say. You bring out the best in me. C'mon lay back down here." He wrapped her in his arms.

"I can't. I have to shower and get ready. Gotta leave for the airport real soon." She kissed him and sat up wrapping the sheet around her.

He laid back and closed his eyes. "It sucks." He looked at her. "You don't have to be so modest. After that marathon I think I'm used to seeing you..."

"Just stop. I don't even walk around naked in front of myself." She shook her head, got up, grabbed her clothes and went to shower.

After Harry heard the shower running he quietly went to see if she locked the door. She didn't. He thought about slipping into the shower with her, but he figured she might not react the best to that, so instead he grabbed her clothes and took them out of the bathroom quietly. Harry heard his text notification and looked. It was Niall; said to call him if he had a minute. He called him. "What's up?"

"So remember when we were talking about Change Your Ticket and how the girls should hear the song? You gonna play it for JJ?" He asked.

"Yeah I think so. Knew it was coming but it kind of sucks. Think it will convince them to stay?" Harry asked.

"Can only hope. But what do you think your chances are?" Niall asked him.

"Honestly, probably not that great. Yesterday I pushed my luck a little. She is in full on flight mode right now." Harry told him.

"Oh, that sucks. Especially since Amanda probably won't stay if JJ won't. You know Mama Bear right now and all." Niall kind of laughed. He was only half joking. He was hoping JJ would stay because he knew Amanda would stay then. "Alright I'm gonna play the song when Amanda gets out of the shower. It won't be long before they walk out the door."

"Yeah man. Guess we will know how it goes soon. Good luck." Harry said.

"Yeah you too." Niall said hanging up.

Niall went into the bathroom but Amanda was already out of the shower and dressed. "Damn, I wanted to sneak in and join you. You were too quick." He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder.

She looked at him in the mirror. "Sorry babe. We really don't have much time. You should have let me know your plan." She laughed.

"It's ok. I want to show you something. Soon as your done ok?" He asked.

"Yeah of course. What is it?" She laughed.

"It's a surprise. And you know you look beautiful without make-up right? Just come out when you're ready." He walked out.

Harry laughed as he heard Julie exclaim, "Harry Edward Styles! You bring my clothes back here right this second!"

"Uh Oh, the middle name. I know what that means. But no, you have to come get them." Harry called out to her.

"Damn you." She came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, hair wet hanging over her shoulders. She went to grab her clothes from the bed and back towards the bathroom.

Harry got up quickly, and shut and blocked the bathroom door. "No need to go back in the bathroom."

"Get out of my way; I have no time for this. Seriously." She looked up at him.

"Well then you better just stop arguing and get dressed. You're lucky I didn't come right into that shower with you." He looked down at her.

"I'm lucky? You're lucky you didn't try." She went to reach out and pinch him, but with her hands full the towel slipped a little so she stopped.

"Oh, don't stop. I like the view." He laughed, cause she just shook her head and went and put her clothes on the bed. She held the towel and tried to get dressed without dropping it. "You are way too much." He climbed on the bed. "I want you hear something. It's another new song." He said grabbing his phone and looking for it.

"Oh geez, no more songs no more dedications. No more emotional crap. I'm losing my mind." She finally had enough on to drop the towel. Least it covered as much as the bikini she had already worn in front of him. She hated the scars she had, as much as she just wasn't confident in her body, but it was hard to dress holding a towel.

Harry watched her drop the towel. He stopped looking for the song for a minute. He shook his head to clear his mind. "Just listen to it please." Man he thought it sure fits this situation.

Julie kept getting dressed. She grabbed her carryon bag and put it over her shoulder to take it to the door. She heard his deep gruff voice start to sing the song:

Watching you get dressed messes with my head.   
Take that bag off your shoulder.   
Come get back in bed we still got time left.   
This don't have to be over.

Harry looked at her when she stopped and turned around towards him. He really didn't want her to go. He wanted her back in his bed. This song may have been written and recorded before, but it sure hit the feelings he had right now.

When Amanda came out Niall started to play the song. Amanda kind of looked at him. She hadn't heard this song. She immediately recognized Harry's voice though and deduced it was a song from the new album. She heard Niall's voice next. She couldn't help but smile.

And you say it's hard to keep a secret   
Girl don't leave me all alone in this hotel   
And these shades can hide us from the streets yeah   
One weekend I promise that I'll never tell

You should probably stay, probably stay, a couple more days   
Come on let me change your ticket home   
You should probably stay, be with me, a couple more days   
Come on let me change your ticket home   
Don't go, it's not the same when you're gone   
And it's not good to be all alone   
So you should probably stay, be with me, a couple more days   
Come on let me change your ticket home

After listening to the chorus and rest of the song Amanda walked up to Niall. "Awe babe. I wish I could but I do have to go back home. At some point I have to leave."

"I know, I do, I wouldn't cancel your ticket. Just change it. A couple more days." He said pulling her close to him.

"We already extended our trip by a couple more days. Babe, my heart hurts leaving too, but it has to be this way. We knew this would be the way it is. But we will go home and figure out our schedules, and I'm sure as feasibly as possible we will be back, or you can come visit. Well at least me." Amanda said.

"Uh oh. Well I talked to Harry this morning. JJ is still here, so that's gotta be a good sign." Niall said. "I know you're extremely worried but seems to me she's made progress."

"She has, but she was completely freaked out last night. She was shaking. She was totally in her head and she admitted...." Amanda stopped. She wasn't going to say anything to Niall she didn't want him to tell Harry.

"Admitted what?" Niall asked.

"That she wanted to run." Amanda said.

"Yeah that's not a secret so wanna try again?" He said.

"She doesn't deserve him. I'm afraid she's going to sabotage herself. And that was before the Through The Dark performance. After that you could feel the fear. But I hate she feels she doesn't deserve him or help." Amanda said. "But enough of that. I wanna say a proper see ya later to my boyfriend." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Julie felt the bag being lifted off her shoulder. She looked up at Harry while the chorus was playing in the song. She hugged him as the song ended and then stepped back to grab her bag.

"Just stay, please. A couple more days. Let me call and change your ticket." He said.

"I can't Harry. For many reasons." She said as she put her bag by the door, next to the suitcase, and walked back up to him.

"Just a couple more days." He said.

"We already extended this trip a couple more days. We have to go home. I have to go home." She said to him. "No more song lyrics right now."

"I know I shouldn't hate this so much. But I do." He sat down at the edge of the bed. He was expecting the same type of goodbye as last time.

Julie walked up to him, between his legs, and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed his head and when he buried it in her chest, she rested her head on his. "It's ok. It's not over."

He didn't know why he was crying but he was. Everything was so emotional, but he was so relieved when she actually said the words that it wasn't over. He wrapped her tightly in his arms. "Thank god."

"I have to go Harry." They heard a knock at the door and knew it was Amanda and Niall, but instead of letting go he held her tighter. "Babe please." He squeezed even tighter for a second and then let her go. She walked to the door and let them in. Everyone was so down. "Ok look I get it. It's tough. But seriously? It's not like it's forever."

"Seems like it." Both Harry and Niall said at the same time.

"Oh for crying out loud. You guys should be more used to it than anyone." Julie said. She couldn't handle everyone in tears. "Ok we really have to go, like now." She gave Niall a hug. "Bye Ni, see you soon."

He squeezed her back. "Remember, we are always here if you need a friend. Run towards us. Not away."

"Right. Thanks. Tell everyone bye for me." Julie said to him.

"Hate you. Remember that." He said as he kissed her quick. When Julie just looked at him, he laughed. "Hey if you can do it so can I. I got your back sister."

Amanda hugged Harry. "Bye my friend. Glad she was here to say goodbye. I know I was worried last night."

Harry hugged Amanda tightly. "Yeah last night, early this morning, was tough. And we still didn't get through it all. She distracted me."

Amanda laughed. "Yeah I bet she did, and I bet it didn't take much, and even less clothing."

"Do you really wanna talk about that after yesterday afternoon?" He laughed at her expression.

"No!" she said.

Harry kissed her quickly. "I didn't figure. I may need to talk to you about a few things. Hope you don't mind if I call or text."

"Not at all. I'm sure you're gonna need a lot of support. She's difficult." Amanda laughed.

"Yeah but she's pretty great." He said.

"That she is." Amanda squeezed his hand.

They each put their carry ons over their shoulder and grabbed the handle of their suitcase. Niall opened the door for them and they walked out.

"Let us take you to the airport. Come on this is ridiculous; we could have another couple hours with you." Niall said.

"Or better yet. Let us change your tickets home." Harry said.

"Sorry but we have to go." Amanda said.

"And sorry, but no airports. Too many eyes and cameras. Not a scene for a goodbye." Julie added.

Amanda walked to Niall and kissed him one more time. She whispered, "Love you." To him.

"Love you too. Why are we whispering?" He laughed.

"Don't want them to feel any pressure to say it." Amanda said.

"Why would they feel pressure?" He asked.

"Oh just trust me." She kissed him one more time.

Harry leaned down and kissed Julie. "Will you call me when you land?"

"Of course." She touched his lips gently with her thumb then reached up and gave him one more quick kiss. "Bye, boyfriend."

He let out a sigh of relief. "It's so good to hear you say that."

"I told you, it's not over. Talk to you later." She turned and walked down the hallway with Amanda.

Julie and Amanda waved to Harry and Niall when they were waiting for the elevator. Julie looked at the floor, bit her lip, then dropped her bags she started running down the hallway back towards Harry.

Harry had turned to go into his room when he felt Niall nudge him. He turned to see Julie run, and jump into his arms. Oh god, it made him so happy, and feel so much better about where they were at. He wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could. When she nuzzled her head between his neck and shoulder he closed his eyes. She kissed him and then hugged him again.

Niall took the moment to walk to Amanda. "Guess I can have one more too then?" he asked. He didn't wait for an answer, he kissed her and held her in his arms. He watched Harry carry Julie back down the hallway in the same embrace he left them in.   
Took the girls convincing them but they finally let them go.

Julie and Amanda got into the elevator and waved one more time. The elevator door closed. They looked at each other and tears rolled down both their cheeks. "Well this sucks." Amanda said.

"Yeah, but just think how nice it will be when we get to see them again." Julie said. They rode the rest of the way to the airport in silence.

When they finished boarding the plane, Julie laughed. Amanda looked at her wondering what was going on.

"Before you turn your phone on airplane mode you have to see what Niall posted on his Instagram." Julie said looking at her.

Amanda pulled up the app and stared at it. It was Niall and the back of her head. He must have taken it when they were in a long hug. It captioned: #hardtosaygoodbye #tilwemeetagain #safetravels #strong. She sat back and stared at the photo. Guess they were officially official now. Wow. She had to put her phone in airplane mode but she text Niall quick. She said "Sneaky, but love the IG pic. Call you soon."

The girls both fell asleep quickly and slept the whole flight home.


	19. Chapter 19

The girls spent the next couple of weeks working as much as possible.  They wanted to get off to go to the last show the guys had on the current tour; which also happened to be in Las Vegas.  What another fun trip it could be.  Niall and Amanda talked a lot during their time apart.  They were dealing with a lot of social media drama with the Instagram picture he posted.  The trend #Niallsmysterygirl was one of the top trends during those couple of weeks.  They thought it was quite humorous.  He didn't purposely hide her identity but for now it was good.  They figured it would get quite a bit worse; so for now they would enjoy the mystery of who, but everyone knowing Niall was taken.  Amanda did get a few people that recognized her though.  She had a couple of patients come into the ER and recognize her, and there were also a couple who came in with pretend illnesses and ask for the nurse with the purple hair.  Even though the picture was only of the back of her head the purple hair was unmistakable; so those from LA recognized her from the concert where Niall thanked the girls for their care.  It wouldn't be long until everyone figured it out.  The social media was allowing some to slowly figure it out now.

Harry and Julie spoke on the phone quite often, usually twice a day if they could.  Even though they talked twice a day most days they also text throughout the day.  They got to know each other better over the course of those couple of weeks then the previous month.  They had nothing to distract them and they weren't fighting during any of it.  Julie laughed more during those phone calls then she had in quite some time.  Harry was quite funny and witty, and a lot of times would do things just to get a laugh.  Even though they were apart they seemed to be getting closer.

A few days before Vegas Julie walked up to Amanda at work.  "I gotta get one more shift covered before I can go to Vegas.  Apparently since it's an admissions shift no one wants to take it.  Wonder if I promise them an autograph from Harry they would cave?  I'm sure he would be all for it."

Amanda laughed.  "Are you kidding to get you to Vegas Harry would promise them just about anything they wanted."

"Yeah."  Julie laughed.  "But I may not be ok with what they ask.  Besides then I'd have to tell people I'm with Harry, and we know how good secrets are kept around here."

"True.  But there could be worse things than people knowing you're with Harry."  Amanda said.

"You really have no idea how much trouble it could cause.  And seriously he's Harry Styles I will be the most hated girl in the world."  Julie said to her.  "Alright see you after our shift.  I will keep working on finding someone to take that last shift."

After they got home the next morning they Skyped Niall and Harry on the laptop.

"Hey beautiful girls!"  Niall said.  "Hope you had an easy night at the hospital last night."

"Hey babe.  Yeah it was busy and crazy and typical."  Amanda said.

"Well I know you two are the best out there, so I'm sure you handled it all in style."  Harry said.

"Of course.  Us? stress?"  Julie said laughing.

"So tell us good news about Vegas."  Niall said.

"Oh, I got all my shifts covered!  I will be there the morning of and leave a couple of days after.  I'm so excited."  Amanda said.

"Julie, what about you?"  Harry asked.

"Well I'm still working on one shift.  Apparently no one wants to take my admissions shift.  Of course it's the night of the concert."  She looked at the disappointment on Harrys face.  "I'm still working on it.  I got what two days to figure it out yet.  It's a possibility."

"Well you have to come.  I can't stand it anymore."  He said.

"Well it's the last show you can always come here after."  Julie said.  She looked at her text messages.  "But apparently you don't have too.  Just got it covered.  But I think I'm going to be paying someone back for quite some time.  Maybe if you give me an autographed something it will help me a lot."  She laughed.

"Yeah, of course!  I'm so glad!"  Harry said.  "I will get everyone to sign it.  Just get your ass here."

"Thank goodness, these last couple of weeks have been pure hell."  Niall said.  "And I know Harry agrees."  He laughed.

They got off of Skype and immediately their phones rang.  Niall was calling Amanda and Harry was calling Julie.  The girls looked at each other and shook their heads.  They were so needy.  They laughed and then answered their phones and went into their bedrooms to talk to them until they fell asleep.

The girls landed in Vegas real early the morning of the concert.  They couldn't believe it was the last one on the current tour, and even though they had already revealed they would be starting another tour in four months, they actually had some time off.  They weren't exactly sure what that would mean, it was kind of weird to think about the guys having some time off.  Sure they still had to do some album promotion, and performances, and interviews, but it wasn't as hectic of a schedule as touring.  The girls got into the car that was sent to drive them to the hotel.  Harry and Niall weren't going to be picking them up at the airport.  Even though they wanted to, more than anything, it just wasn't the time for a scene.  Especially since once the girls got there, they wanted them all to themselves, not have to share them with over aggressive paparazzi.

Julie had never been to Vegas before.  She asked the driver to let her see a little bit of the strip, and sites of the city, before they got to the hotel.  She was amazed.  Everything was so bright and the lights were all over the place.  "Oh my god Panda.  This is absolutely crazy."  She said shocked by the sites and how big everything seemed.

Amanda laughed.  "Yes, it is unlike any other.  We have to go out on the strip at some point."

"Alone, I hope you mean.  I cannot imagine being with Harry and Niall walking around with all these people.  Although at least there aren't a ton of teenage and young woman so maybe it wouldn't be quite as bad."  Julie laughed.  "And with all the crazy costumes maybe we could dress them up as Elvis impersonators and no one would be the wiser."

Amanda laughed.  "That's brilliant.  They would fit right in."

"As long as we didn't let them speak.  That would so blow their cover."  Julie laughed.

"It is Vegas they could have British and Irish impersonators."  Amanda said.

"True."  Julie looked at the hotel they were pulling into.  "Holy crap, look at this place.  This is insane."

"Yeah, nothing small or quiet in Vegas."  Amanda said.  When the car pulled up they couldn't believe the commotion outside of the hotel.  Everything seemed quite exaggerated.  Even the fans outside the hotel wearing One Direction shirts and holding signs, seemed over the top.

There was no way around the commotion.  The girls had to go straight through.  Julie didn't even want to get out of the car.  It seemed completely insane to her.  When she was with Harry, hiding from all the commotion, it seemed so normal and so easy.  When she looked at all this it seemed completely mental to her.  She could not get used to it.  Amanda finally grabbed her hand and dragged her from the car.  Security escorted them through the crowd.  They kept their heads down and made their way into the lobby.  The flashes of the cameras, the yelling of the paparazzi, and the craziness of the fans was overwhelming.  People started to recognize Amanda.  People started yelling.  "That's the girl from Niall's Instagram.  That's Niall's mystery girl!  Who's with her."  It was very overwhelming.  Amanda handled it in stride.  Julie on the other hand was not dealing with it well, and it wasn't even her they recognized.

"Wow.  That's intense.  I don't like it one bit."  Julie said to Amanda.

"What a surprise."  Amanda laughed.  "I think it's something eventually you are going to have to deal with, like it or not."

"Yeah, I guess Harry's worth it.  I think.  Maybe."  She kind of laughed.

"Well, I hope you think that."  Amanda said and linked her arm in Julie's.  "We are finally here.  Finally get to see them."

"I'm starting to think my company isn't good enough for you anymore."  Julie said.

Amanda laughed.  "You will do, but you're no Niall Horan."

"Thank god."  Julie said.

   The girls walked into the hotel lobby, got their keys that were waiting for them at the front desk, and made their way up to the boys' suites.  They were both so excited they couldn't stop smiling.  "Ready to make our boys the happiest in the world?" Amanda said to Julie, who was looking a little nervous now. 

"I guess so." Julie said back. 

"Lighten up JJ, you know how much you've missed being away from him the last few weeks, try to have some fun today, yeah?"

"You're right, I just hope we can have some real fun, and get rid of all the drama, you know?" And with that statement the elevator arrived on the top floor and the girls got out and walked to the guys separate rooms.  They wanted to surprise them, so they had taken an earlier flight and not told anyone but their security team.  Surprising the boys seemed to be getting more and more difficult these days, so they took any chance they could.   
           
Amanda walked up to Niall's door and quietly unlocked it.  When she opened the door she was welcomed with a large cloud of steam, Niall was in the shower and obviously left the door open, so the entire room was one big sauna.  Luckily, he was singing at the top of his lungs so she didn't have to be very quiet.  She walked up to the bathroom door that was cracked open and giggled at the sound. This was the perfect opportunity to surprise him she thought, as she stripped off all her clothes outside the door. As she tip toed into the room she heard him singing, "If you don't wanna take it slow, and you just wanna take me home, say yeah yeah yeah yeah," then she pulled open the curtain and yelled, " AND LET ME KISS YOU!" 

Niall turned around and almost fell over he was so surprised to see her standing there, laughing hysterically. "Princess, what are you doing here?!"

"Surprising my super sexy and very naked boyfriend. Now, how about some of that kissing you're singing about?"

He walked over to her and she threw her hands around his neck as he grabbed her hips. He kissed her like they'd been away from each other for months, when it had only been a few weeks. He pushed her up against the tile wall, and pressed his hips into hers.

"Happy to see me?" she said as she giggled into the kiss.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," he growled as he worked his way down her neck to her chest. 

She ran her hands through his hair, when he suddenly stopped, making her whine a little. He kissed her, grabbed her hips, picked her up and carried her out of the shower, his lips never leaving hers.  He set her on top of the counter and slid his hand between her legs, "ready?" he asked as he rubbed over her most sensitive spot.

"Jesus baby, quit teasing, just fuck me already," she could hardly stand it.

He looked up at her with a devilish grin on his face, "With pleasure, love," as he pushed into her and they both let out a low groan.  He kissed her long and deep, as his hands dug into her hips pulling her as close as he could get her. It didn't take long for either of them to finish since they'd been away from each other for so long.

As they sat there, out of breath, foreheads leaning against each other, Amanda finally pulled away and said, "I guess we should probably get back in the shower before we do anything else today, huh?"

Niall laughed his perfect laugh, picked her up and back into the shower they went to clean up, but not until after round 2 had occurred.   
            
Julie walked the opposite direction Amanda did, and went to Harry's door.  She stood in front of it and played with the key in her hand.  She couldn't figure out why she was so nervous.  They had spent the last few weeks talking, and had gotten to know each other better, but maybe that was the problem.  He's chipping away at that armor she had spent so long building up.  It's now or never, she thought, as she took a deep breath and put the key in the lock.  She quietly walked into the room and walked over to the doorway that led to the bedroom area.  She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe, biting her bottom lip as she stared at her almost naked boyfriend getting dressed.   "Enjoying the view?" She heard his voice and it brought her out of her trance, she nodded before she realized she had been staring at his bulge. She met his eyes as she started to blush, and he laughed as he walked over to her.  He wrapped his arms around her waist as he nuzzled his head in her neck.  She let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding, and he felt her instantly relax.

"I missed you so much, I can't believe you're actually here." He pulled away and took her face in his hands. 

She looked him right in the eyes but couldn't come up with words to say so she put her hands on his hips and pushed her lips to his. 

He pulled her closer and walked her backwards towards the bed, and when he felt it behind her, he pushed her onto it.  She sat up on her elbows and stared at him as he undid her jeans, running his hands up her bare legs, kissing up her stomach to her chest and neck as he slid her shirt over her head.  He sat up, slipped his boxers off and laid back on top of her kissing along her collarbone.  He slid into her and she gripped his back harder with each and every thrust.  She closed her eyes and threw her head back as they finished together. They laid there for a few minutes, not speaking.

When she finally caught her breath, she looked at him, smiled and said, "Hi."

They both laughed, and Harry responded "Hi indeed."

Amanda came out after she dried her hair and sat next to Niall on the couch.  She leaned against him when he put his arm around her.  "We don't have much time before we have to leave for the radio interview.  We want you and JJ to come with us."  Niall said.  "Do you wanna get something to eat before we go?"

"Yeah, sure.  Wanna just order room service?"  Amanda asked.

"Yeah."  Niall said.  "But no more tempting me we don't have time for another shower like that before we go."  He laughed and kissed her.  He ran his hands under her shirt.

"Um, who's tempting whom?"  Amanda laughed.

"Can't...help....it."  Niall said in between kisses.  "Maybe we got time for just once more."  He leaned over her on the couch.

"I'm game."  Amanda said laughing as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I never knew I could miss someone so much."  He started undoing her pants.  He was so overwhelmed with emotion, he wished they didn't have the interview to do.  He wanted to spend every minute with her.  But one more interview, one more meet and greet, one more sound check, and one more show and then they could spend days together, maybe even weeks before he had to go off to promote the album.  Then he could come back and spend some more time in LA with her.  He couldn't wait.  For now, he would take her whenever he could.  He slid her shirt over her head.  He kissed down her body and slid her pants down off her.  He quickly removed his clothes and laid back over her.  He stared down at her for a few moments.  She was so beautiful.

Amanda moved her hands over Niall's body.  "I never did either.  But boy did I miss this."  She took him in her hands a few moments.  She then pushed him over so she was laying over him.  She kissed down his stomach.  "It's my turn."  She took him in her mouth.

"Oh shit!"  Niall said as he put his hands in her hair.  He couldn't take it for long.  He grabbed her and rolled her over quickly when he knew it wouldn't be much longer.  He thrust into her quickly and roughly.  He was ready right away but he tried to hold out for her.  It didn't work for long.  He finished.  The pleasure was intense.  "Sorry."

"No need to be sorry."  She rubbed his back.  "I loved every minute of it."

He couldn't move.  He was still coming down from the high she gave him.  He laid on her for quite some time.  "I don't think I can get up."  He laughed.

"Well I will hold you as long as you want, but pretty soon I'm sure someone is going to come knocking on the door.  That could get quite awkward again."  She laughed.

"Ugh, ruin the moment."  He laughed and kissed her and pushed himself up.  "Do NOT follow me in the shower because I won't give a shit who's coming, I won't keep my hands off you."

"That doesn't sound like much of a threat but we have days; so I think we can manage for the rest of the day.  Just to get through it."  She waited for him to get out of the shower pulled her hair up and showered.  She wasn't going to try to wash and dry her hair again.  When she came out Niall already had breakfast waiting for her.  He was such an amazing man.  What she ever did without him, she wasn't sure.

Julie laid on her stomach and put her head on her arms looking over at Harry.  He had his eyes closed but she knew he was awake.  "Hmmmm, guess since he's asleep, I can go see if someone else can keep me occupied, until he wakes up."

He smiled without even opening his eyes.  "There's my smart, sassy ass.  I was wondering when she would show up."

"Couldn't let you miss her.  Couldn't let you get used too quiet and cooperative."  She said as she ran her hand over his stomach and under the sheet he had covering up to his waist.  She ran her hand slowly across the lower part of his stomach.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.  "You know what you're doing, right?"  He asked in a low growl.

"Mmm Hmmm"  She said as she watched where her hand was.  She wanted to see what kind of reaction she got.  She wasn't used to having any control, and the feeling was empowering.

Harry closed his eyes, she was driving him crazy.  When he felt her tongue replace her fingers, he grabbed a handful of sheets with each hand.  When she took him in her mouth, he lost his mind.  "Son of a bitch!"  was all he could say.  He bit his bottom lip and squeezed the sheets in his hands harder.  He couldn't take it for long though.  He grabbed her and pulled her up to him so she was straddling his waist.  He helped position her so he could enter her.  He watched her instinctively place one arm over her chest and one over her stomach.  "No, don't do that."  He was having a hard time speaking but he didn't want her to feel any shame.  He gently removed her arms.  He gently traced the scar on her stomach and then the one on her shoulder.  He sat up and kissed them.  He held her around her waist as tight to him as he could.  When their movement caused him to finish without her, he laid back held her hips tight to him with one hand, and used the other to take her over the edge.  He felt her finish shortly after he did.  It was incredible.  When she collapsed down on him he wrapped his arms around her.  "I think that wore me out more then our marathon we had before you left last time."  He closed his eyes and rubbed her back.

"I didn't know I could do that.  I didn't know I had that much...I guess...power."  She said rolling off of him and laying her head on his shoulder.

"Are you kidding?  Remember our first conversation?  The first time we kissed?  I knew you had all the power then.  I was ready to give you my pants then.  It's only gotten worse.  Baby, you have more power than you even realize."  He chuckled with his eyes still closed.  "I need to go shower, but someone made me not want to even move."  When she snuggled up to him even more and put her bare leg over his he knew he wasn't moving until someone dragged his ass out of that bed.


	20. Chapter 20

Harry opened the door to the radio station and put his hand protectively on Julie's back as they walked in.  They were late.  The last ones to arrive.  The show was set to start in like 2 minutes.

Amanda walked up to them.  "So I'm guessing you took my advice and had some fun, since you're like super late, and had the whole management team freaked out Harry wasn't going to make it."

"It wasn't my fault."  Julie said.

"Oh, it was entirely her fault."  Harry kissed her lips and then her forehead.  "I still don't want to let go."  He kissed her one more time and then walked into the room to sit at the microphones with the guys.

Julie looked around and shook her head.  "Damn him.  There are too many people around."

Amanda laughed.  "I think Harry's given up caring who knows you're together at this point.  He looks extremely happy."

Julie took a deep breath.  "Dammit."

The interview was going smoothly.  They talked about the ending of the current tour, the new album, and the new tour.  Towards the end of the interview the radio host said.  "I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't go into the latest trends on social media with you guys.  Niall, you got the internet a buzz with your Instagram post a few weeks ago.  Niall's Mystery Girl seems to have taken on a mind of its own.  Care to weigh in on it?"

Niall laughed and blushed a little.  "Yeah it wasn't meant to cause any mystery.  It's my girl.  Her name's Amanda.  Wasn't going to see her for a while so I posted that it was hard to say goodbye.  Never even thought about how that would go down."

Wow, Amanda thought.  Niall just told probably millions of people about them.  It was such a crazy feeling.  A rush and also quite scary.  It should prove interesting going forward.

"So are any of you guys single right now?"  The host asked.  Harry slowly raised his hand.  "Ah so you're the only one Harry.  Care to comment."

"Well, my girlfriend told me I should answer that way."  He laughed.  "I joke, I joke.  She didn't actually tell me to say it like that."  He couldn't see Julie but he could only imagine her reaction.  He couldn't stop chuckling.

Julie did a face palm and shook her head.  "Idiot."

Amanda laughed.  "What did you expect him to keep it a secret forever?"

"So, you're not single?"  The host pressed him.

"I'm currently not looking."  Harry said but didn't elaborate.

The host pressed a little harder.  "Not looking because you already found someone or for some other reason?"

"Currently happy with the state of my affairs."  He said.

"Well thanks for making that clear as mud."  The host said.  "Well that's all the time we have for today.  A big thanks to One Direction for their time.  I'm sure all you lucky people with tickets to tonight's sold out show will not be disappointed."

Julie shook her head.  "I am officially dating an idiot."

Amanda laughed again.  "It was cute."

The time between the interview and the show was taken up by meet and greets, sound checks and small additional interviews done quickly throughout the stadium.  The girls didn't go to sound check this time, as it was open to fans with special tickets.  After Harry's interview earlier on the radio Julie didn't want anything to do with that.  She encouraged Amanda to go, but she was content just hanging with her backstage talking to Lou and Lottie.  When the show started, the girls went behind the stage to watch from the side.  Amanda laughed quite hard when the boys brought the song "She's Not Afraid" out of the vault.  Even though they all knew why she was afraid, the song was completely meant for JJ.  She knew the reference to love was going to play around in JJ's mind and probably cause her to be a bit uncomfortable.  She knew the guys though, and they were making it out to be a tongue and cheek joke.  And she had to admit she thought it was hilarious.

Julie shook her head and crossed her arms.  "Everyone thinks they're a comedian.  Freaking idiots."

Amanda put her arm around Julie's shoulders.  "Idiots who adore you."  She laughed at the look Julie gave her and they enjoyed the rest of the show as all the fans did.

Later that night everyone went to a very private VIP section of a club in Vegas.  The tour had finally ended, and it was time to have one last party before leaving this tour behind, taking some time off to promote the album, and get ready for the stadium tour the beginning of next year.  The VIP section had its own dance floor and raised platform for people to sit, drink and mingle.  Everyone was having a lot of fun together.  Time seemed to be flying by.

Amanda and Julie were on their way back from the bathroom.  Amanda was already halfway up the stairs.  Before Julie could start up the stairs, however, she heard her name.  She stopped dead in her tracks.  It couldn't be.  She was hearing things.  There is no way that could be him.  She slowly turned around and standing face to face with her was Johnny, her ex-boyfriend.  What was he doing there?  How the hell did he find her?  How did he get in the club?  She couldn't even say a word.  Her mind was swimming in all kinds of memories and thoughts.  She looked up the stairs to see Amanda's back turn the corner at the top of the stairs.  She was alone.  She did not want this to be a scene that played out in the middle of the club.  She went towards the back door knowing that Johnny would follow.

After they got out of the door, into the back alley, Julie turned to look at him slowly.  She was terrified, but was trying to keep it under control.  "What are you doing here?  How did you...."  She asked him with a trembling voice.

"Your picture is all over the internet walking into a hotel in Vegas with your new friend.  Apparently, the one you were with is dating a boy band member.  Not hard to figure out where they're going to be.  Now let's go.  It's time to stop the crap and go home."  He took a step towards her.

She took a step back.  "That's not my home anymore.  You shouldn't be here.  It's been 2 years."

"Yeah, 2 years since you just disappeared while I was gone.  I've been looking for you ever since.  Let's go."  He said.

Amanda turned to say something to Julie and she wasn't there.  She looked around.  Where was she?  Just a minute ago she was right behind her.  She walked to the stairs.  She couldn't see her.  Where the hell was she?  She walked to the bottom of the stairs to talk to the bouncer standing there.  She was told that he saw her walk out the back door with someone.  What the hell?  She turned and looked up at Niall and Harry.  She should tell them but something told her not too.  She went towards the back door.

Zayn was walking back towards the stairs when he saw Amanda going to the back door.  He thought it was quite strange.  He saw Harry and Niall still at the top of the stairs, and was now more than curious.  He told a member of security to let Harry and Niall know, and walked towards the back door also.

"I'm not going with you.  I've moved on.  You know we weren't good together anyway.  Johnny, it's been over.  It was over long before I left.  Could you please just go."  Julie stumbled through.  This was hard for her.  She was scared and she really didn't want to do this confrontation.

"Moved on?  Please, don't tell me you think you have a chance with anyone else."  He looked at her.  "You think you have a chance with one of those boy band members, don't you?  Please.  I've told you there's no one else who would put up with your crap.  You should be grateful I came for you."  He grabbed her wrist.  "Now let's go.  Live in reality instead of those stupid, unrealistic dreams you always had."

"Johnny, I just want to live my own life.  Please, just go back home and let go."

"For 2 years I looked for you.  You made me look bad by just leaving.  You know damn well it was all your fault, but since you walked out on me, everyone blamed me.  You will come back and fix it.  You will tell everyone what a selfish bitch you were for walking away.  You will have a lot of making up to do.  Better just start now."  Johnny said to her angrily.

Before Julie even knew what was going on, Amanda rushed up to them.  "Let her go!"  She tried to take his hand off Julie's wrist.

"Back off.  She's coming home where she belongs.  She's done living this lie now."  Johnny said, pushing Amanda back.

Amanda slapped him.  Square in the face.  As hard as she could.  You could hear the connection.  She knew who he was immediately.  She heard the things he was saying and she knew.  "She's not going anywhere with you!  She has a better life now!  She has people who actually love her!  And a man who treats her like she should be treated!"

Johnny let go of Julie's wrist and raised his hand at Amanda.  "That little bitch won't get another man.  She's weak and she's not good at anything."

"No!"  Julie rushed forward and tried to stop him.  He connected with her instead.  He then pushed her backwards so she fell to the ground.  He raised his hand to Amanda again.  "No!"  Julie screamed again.

Amanda stood her ground.  There was no way she was going to let him get away with that again.  "She has a great man!  One who chose her!"

Julie started to get off the ground to go back to help Amanda, when she saw Zayn rushing out the back door.  She grabbed his arm.  "Zayn!  Don't!  Please!"

When Johnny saw Zayn, he immediately turned his attention away from Amanda and towards Zayn.  "Is this the supposed guy that wants her?  Please.  Is this one of those crappy boy band members?"

Zayn tried to pull away from Julie's grip.  "You need to get the hell out of here!  Leave her the fuck alone!"

"Zayn, please don't."  Julie begged.  It wasn't working.  Zayn was hot.  He was so angry she wasn't even sure he was hearing her.

A security member who followed Zayn out, stepped in front of him to keep him from Johnny.  Zayn tried to fight around the security member to go after him.

Julie walked up to Amanda.  "Amanda, please, come on.  Let's go."  She pulled on Amanda's arm.

"No!"  Amanda wouldn't budge.  "He's not going to scare me away.  Damn bastard is a coward!"

"Whatever."  Johnny said.  He took the opportunity to grab Julie's wrist again.  "I don't believe for a second that anyone wants her for anything.  Enough being a slutty groupie.  So they bring you along because they know you'll give it up on a moment's notice?  Enough.  Let's go."

"Let her go!"  Julie turned her head towards the door when she heard Harry's voice.  She watched him and Niall coming out the door, with Louis and Liam right behind them.  She put her free hand on Harry's chest when he rushed up to them.  "Please."  Is all she could get out.  Johnny pulled her away quickly and she stumbled and fell.

Liam stepped in front of Harry as he went towards Johnny.  He used all his strength to stop Harry from getting to him.  It wouldn't be good for Harry to actually do what he was thinking.

Louis went to Julie and knelt down beside her to check on her.

Amanda stepped up to Johnny again and slapped him harder than before.  She didn't know she had that much strength.

Niall went up and grabbed Amanda around the waist to carry her away.

"Niall put me down!  I'm not scared of the bastard.  He comes here talking about shit he doesn't know!"

"Let me go Liam!"  Harry exclaimed still trying to fight around him.

"Come on Harry it isn't worth it.  Let security get rid of him."  Liam said.

"Look at all this.  Over some good for nothing whore.  She must've gotten better in bed if she has all this.  Which one is she banging?  All of you?"  Johnny asked walking towards Julie and Louis.

Louis helped her up off the ground and stood in front of her.  "Back off now, if you know what's good for you."

Julie grabbed Louis' arm and pulled him back a few steps.  "Please Louis."

He protectively put his arm in front of her stomach.  "He's never laying a hand on you again."  He stepped towards him.

"Fucking let me go Liam!"  Harry screamed at him.  He finally broke free from Liam and rushed towards Julie, Louis, and Johnny.

Julie stepped in front of him and put her hands on his chest.  "Please Harry, please don't."  She tried to push him backwards.  She had to use one arm to grab Louis' arm as well though.

Liam got to them and again tried to help stop Harry.

Niall put Amanda down on her feet.  "Babe, please don't."

"Niall!!!  How can you just stand there?  Did you not see what he did!  He hit her and pushed her to the ground!  You better just let me go!"  She tried to push past him.

"Let security handle it Amanda.  Please, I don't want to see you or anyone hurt."  He said holding her in place.

"No!!!!  I will take care of it!"  She was wild with anger.  She couldn't believe what was going on.

Johnny walked up towards Harry.  "So this must be the one.  She's got pretty boy pussy whipped?"  He stared at Harry but he was addressing Julie.  "How you could think for a minute, you're worth anything to him other than another bitch to fuck is beyond me.  Remember I've had you.  I know better.  Why are you fooling yourself?"  He looked at Liam. "Let pretty boy go.  Let's see what he's got."

Julie looked at Johnny.  "You're right.  So just go.  I'm not worth fighting over then.  So just go."  She was done.  Defeated.  She couldn't get away from this no matter where she was.  "Why bother fighting for me at all?"

"I'm taking you home.  You're lucky I still pity you enough to take you back after all this trouble.  Let's get out of here."  He said grabbing her again.

Harry watched Julie turn her head and give up.  Like she was expecting to get hit and was just going to take it.  He lost it.  He pushed past Liam like he wasn't even standing there and grabbed Johnny by the shirt with both hands on his chest.  "Get your fucking hands off my girlfriend you bastard!  She's not going anywhere with you, ever!"  He pushed him backwards and made a fist.

"Girlfriend?  Please don't pretend she's worth that title.  Especially to you."  Johnny said also making a fist.

Julie couldn't take anymore.  She collapsed into Louis.  He grabbed her before she fell.  "It's ok.  It's going to be ok.  We aren't going to let him hurt you anymore.  Ever."

"Harry, please?  Stop.  Please?"  Julie begged.

Liam wanted nothing more than to let Harry beat the crap out of the ass, but he couldn't watch the way it was affecting Julie, and he knew if Harry would just notice he wouldn't either.  "Harry look at JJ."  He said standing in front of him again.  "Look at her.  Please?  It's not worth it.  Not how it's going to affect her."

Niall looked at Amanda.  "Listen to what Liam is saying Amanda.  Look at JJ.  Look at what this is doing to her."

Amanda looked over at Julie.  Crap.  She couldn't even stand by herself anymore.  Louis had his arms wrapped around her holding her up.  She rushed to her.  "I'm sorry, JJ I am.  The last thing I meant to do was hurt you."  She helped Louis keep her on her feet.  "Don't hide though.  You have all of us behind you.  Don't let him get to you.  Don't believe a word that's coming out of that lying bastards mouth."

Johnny just laughed.  "Wow, look at all the concern.  Just what I thought all talk."  He went towards Julie again.  "You need to be put back in your place."

At that point Zayn finally broke free from the security guard and he went to grab Johnny.

"Stop!  Please!"  Julie screamed falling to her knees.  "Just stop!"

The full security team finally got out the door.  Two went to stop Zayn and another two to help Liam with Harry.  The others went to Johnny.

"Yeah she must be a much better screw.  Look at all this.  For some worthless whore."  Johnny said as he was escorted away.

Louis helped Julie up off the ground again.  She wouldn't look at anyone.  "JJ don't, please don't go back to believing his lies.  Remember who you really are.  Look at me please."  He lifted her chin but she wouldn't lift her eyes.  "Please look at me, love."

Julie pulled away from Louis' hand.  She was done.  She stepped back from the scene.  Harry was still angry and still wanting to go after Johnny.  Zayn was still yelling at him.  Louis stepped forward to help try and calm Zayn, as Liam was still talking to Harry to no avail.  Niall was trying to calm Amanda.  It was complete chaos.  Julie was still wondering why he came for her.  It had to be his ego.  He was angry she left him.  He always thought he was too good for her anyway.  He always thought he was doing her a favor being with her.  She couldn't stay put any longer.  There was no stopping the flight instinct now.  When everyone's attention was elsewhere, she slipped into the back door quietly.  She slipped through the crowd and out the front door.  She had no clue where she was going to go but she had to move.  She looked over to see them putting Johnny into the back of a police car.  Wonderful.  She should have known everything was too good to be true.  She walked in the opposite direction; into the crowd of people hoping to blend in, and disappear at least for the time being.

Liam tried again.  "Harry look at JJ.  Look at what this is doing to her.  I know the last thing you want to do is hurt her."  He kept repeating it.  "Harry look at her."

Harry finally stopped trying to go towards where they had taken Johnny.  He turned to look at Julie.  He didn't see her.  He looked around.  "Where is she?"  He panicked.  "Where the hell did she go?  Louis where is she?"

Louis turned around.  "She was just standing right there.  She was two feet from me."  He looked around the alleyway.

Amanda heard what everyone was saying and looked around too.  "Fuck!"

No one saw her leave.  Everyone was so caught up in the scene and the chaos.  No one saw her disappear.

"Fuck!"  Harry said punching the door.

Amanda ran inside the club.  Niall followed closely behind.  She asked everyone if they had seen her.  After questioning what seemed like 100 people the consensus was she left out the front door 10 minutes earlier.  How could she let it get to her so much she forgot to protect the only person that mattered in this whole thing.  She looked at Niall helpless.  "Niall...."  She started to cry.

"Yeah I know.  I know exactly what you're thinking.  We will find her."  He said hugging her.  "We have too."  He closed his eyes as tears started to fall from his eyes.

Security ushered everyone to the cars.  The party was over.  No one was in the mood to party anymore.  Harry protested he wanted to be out looking for Julie.  He needed to be.  Amanda was on his side but no one was budging.  Security had sent people out looking for her, but the guys were not going to be allowed to be wandering Vegas on their own.  Not after that scene.  They were to go back to the hotel and wait for word.  Everyone went with Harry to his room.  They were all hopeful Julie would be there.  She wasn't, and no one was really surprised but they waited with him.  In silence.  No one knew what to say.  It was a scene no one was expecting.  They would check in with security often, but so far nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note:
> 
> **This chapter was extremely emotional and hard to write.  The characters become so real.  I hope it moved you the way it moved me.  Remember it's NEVER ok for someone to put their hands on you.  Strength is inside you!  And with those around you!  I hope you're enjoying reading the story as much as I am creating it.**


	21. Chapter 21

It was hours later.  The sun was going to be coming up soon, but no one left Harry's room.  Slowly everyone started to fall asleep, all around the room. 

Harry was out on the balcony, and Niall was the only other one still awake; when he had an epiphany.  He thought about the last time Julie had a complete breakdown, and where she ended up.  He didn't want to get Harry's hopes up, or his really; but he got up slowly to not wake Amanda, and quietly left the room.  He made his way up to the roof.  The last time she felt like she lost her mind, she ran to the roof.  He could only imagine how much worse things were in her head after tonight.  He quietly walked onto the roof.  He looked around and was about to give up, when he finally saw her.  He watched her once again, perched on the edge with her feet hanging over.  Only this time the hotel was twice as high.  He definitely didn't want to scare her.  He wished she would stop climbing out on ledges.  He walked up towards her, but stayed far enough away so hopefully he didn't scare her.  "JJ?  I really wish you'd come down from there."

Julie closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  "Niall, should have known it would be you that would figure it out.  Apparently I need to figure out a new place to run."

"No, you don't.  I like knowing where to look.  After I thought about it, you don't know Vegas, and the last time you went through something slightly similar to this, you ran right to the roof.  It took me awhile, but I figured this is where you would be."  Niall slowly walked next to her and grabbed her around the waist and lifted her down.  "I'm sorry but I can't watch you up there."  He hugged her.  She didn't hug him back but she didn't pull away either.

"Niall, I just need some time alone."  She said to him.

"No, and I know that's really pushing my luck with you, but you do not need to be alone.  You need your friends.  And right now your friends need you."  He said.

"What do you mean?!  All I do is cause trouble and drama for everyone.  I'm the last person you should want around."  She said.

"No JJ.  You didn't cause anything.  It's not your fault.  Not everything is your fault."  He held her arms and looked at her.  "Amanda needs to see you.  She needs to make sure you're ok.  She blames herself for not protecting you when he was there.  That she was distracted and didn't realize you ran.  Harry's a mess.  He's angry he let his spite get to him, and that he didn't comfort or protect you first.  Zayn is kicking himself for not getting out there sooner.  Liam wanted nothing more than to let Harry loose, but could tell it's not what you needed.  Louis wished he would have never left your side to let you disappear.  And I..."  He lifted her face to him.  "I can't stand seeing the emptiness in your eyes over clear and utter lies."

"Niall."  She stepped back and turned away from him.  "He's always going to find me.  My choices when I was younger clearly weren't great.  But it's going to follow me around for the rest of my life.  He found me from a stupid picture online; because they recognized Amanda.  What are the odds?  I'm never going to completely get away from it.  I don't want it to keep affecting my friends."

"So what?  You're just going to break up with Harry, move out of your apartment with Amanda, and end your friendship because of some jerk?"  He asked.

"Yes.  If that's what I have to do to keep them safe and away from him.  Then yes, Niall, I will.  Do you think I set out to get everyone involved in this mess?  I thought it was over.  I thought I just found a peaceful, safe, boring, existence with Amanda.  I thought LA would be big enough not to have to worry about running into people, who may know me, for it to get back to him.  And then we met you.  And then you turned our lives upside down.  And then Harry.  And stupid me, thought I could separate it.  If Harry could keep it quiet, then no one had to know, and it wouldn't get back to Johnny.  But it did.  From some stupid paparazzi photo posted of Amanda going to meet you in a hotel.  He didn't even know about Harry and I.  It will never end Niall.  Never."  Julie said finally crying.

Even though he didn't want to see her cry.  Niall knew the tears were a good thing.  Any emotion was a good thing.  He took her hands.  "And we will always be there to protect you.  JJ, you just do not get how important you are to us.  All of us.  Yes, Amanda and Harry especially, that's a given.  But myself and the rest of the group.  We want nothing more than to help you through this."  He hugged her.  He relaxed a little when this time she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.  "Please, come down to the room with me.  Please?  Let's show them you're safe.  I'd say ok, but I know you can't be after that."  He stepped back and when he did the light hit her face.  "Oh Jesus."  He gently touched her cheekbone and the side of her eye by her temple.  She had a black eye.

She turned her head away.  "It's nothing.  I wasn't going to let him hit Panda.  I've had worse."

He couldn't stop the tears. "It's not nothing.  I swear to you, it will never happen again."

"You can't make that promise Niall.  No one can."  She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Well, I'm gonna damn well try."  He took her hand and slowly walked her to the door to leave the roof.  Her feet were dragging, but she was going with him.  He had to get her to Amanda and Harry.  When Amanda said that she could sometimes feel JJ ready to run, he never understood; until now.  He could feel it in her muscles and see it in her body language.  He swore he could almost hear her thoughts about it.  If she ran again who knows where she would end up.  When they got to Harry's door, he took the room key from her.  "You ready?"  He asked.  He knew she wasn't, but he had to ask. He opened the door slowly and stepped in.

Harry looked at him.  "Where did you go?  Did you hear anything?"

Niall stepped aside.  When Julie didn't move to walk in he grabbed her hand and gently pulled her into the doorway, and then into the room.  He moved out of the way so Harry could get to her.

Harry fell to his knees in front of her and buried his head in her stomach.  "Oh thank god.  I was so scared."  He was full out crying.  He wrapped his arms around her and just cried like that for quite some time.

Julie took a deep breath, and it took a minute, but she put her hands on his head.  Tangling her fingers in his hair.  She looked around at everyone sleeping.

Niall went over to Amanda.  He would love to let her sleep, but he knew she would want to know.  He squatted down in front of her.  "Hey babe.  Amanda."  He said quietly.  "Hey, I found JJ.  I know you'd want me to wake you for that."

She opened her eyes quickly and looked at him.  "Really?  You found her?  Where is she?"

"She was on the roof.  I figured it out after thinking about it for awhile.  I brought her back down here.  She's by the door.  Harry hasn't let her go yet."  He almost fell backwards when she stood up quickly.  He watched her hurry towards JJ.

"JJ!  Oh thank the lord!"  She stopped dead when she saw her face.  "Fuck!"

"Its nothing.  Really."  Julie said.

"It is not!  You have a black eye!"  Amanda exclaimed.

"I wasn't going to let him hit you."  Julie said.  "It's fine."

When Harry heard Amanda he stood up quickly and looked at her.  "Oh god.  Julie, I'm so sorry."  He gently touched the bruise.  He couldn't believe what happened.

"I've had worse.  Please just let it go."  She stepped back from him.

"You want me to just let go what happened?  Are you serious?"  Harry asked as she walked away.

"Yes, I do. And yes, I am."  She said going to her bag.  "But why would anyone listen to me?  No one ever does."  She went through her bag looking for something to put on after her shower.

"What does that mean?"  Harry asked her.

"I seem to recall saying over and over again, that everyone should just stop.  But not one single person listened to me.  Not once."  She took her things and set them aside.  "So why start now."

"JJ, that's not fair.  It was not a normal situation."  Amanda said.

"You talk to me about fair Amanda when its you in the middle of a living hell."  She picked up her things and went to the bathroom to shower.  She shut and locked the door.  She turned on the water and sat down on the floor and cried.

Harry and Amanda looked at Niall.  They didn't know what to do.

Niall took deep breath.  "Yeah, kinda saw that coming.  She says that she's willing to give up everything, so that especially you two, don't have to go through another night like last night."

Everyone started to wake up.  Liam asked.  "Any word?"

Niall nodded.  "Yeah, I found her on the roof.  Can't believe it took me so long to realize she would probably run there since she did the last time things went bad.  She's in the shower now."

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?"  Harry asked Niall.

"I didn't know for sure and I didn't want to get your hopes up."  He said.

"What are we going to do?"  Amanda asked.

No one knew what to say.  How do you know what to do when no one's ever been in the situation before? They all waited for her to come out of the bathroom.

Julie finally got in the shower, she stayed in there quite some time.  The hot water felt good on her sore body.  She got out of the shower and looked in the mirror.  With her make up washed off her eye looked ten times as bad.  She looked at her hip she had a huge bruise on it from falling twice.  She couldn't look in the mirror anymore.  She now remembered why she hated mirrors so much.  She knew she couldn't avoid any longer. She had to eventually leave the bathroom.  She got dressed attempted to apply make up to her eye to cover up the bruising but it just hurt too bad.  She brushed her hair, gathered her things, took a deep breath, and slowly opened the door.  She took her things back to her bag and just acted like nothing else was going on.  She could feel everyone's eyes on her, but she didn't want to address it.  Before she knew it, she felt fingers under her chin.  Liam lifted her chin and looked at her eye.  "I'm fine Liam."  She put her hand on his arm and stepped around him.  She got the emergency credit card from her hand bag.  She pulled out her phone and called the airline.

"JJ what are you doing with the emergency credit card?"  Amanda asked.

Julie turned away.  She stepped out onto the balcony.  "Hi, I would like to know when your next available flight from Las Vegas to Los Angeles is please."

Amanda and Harry went directly toward her, but Louis got there first.  He quickly took the phone and card from her hands.  He handed them to Amanda, took her by the shoulders, and walked her back into the room.  He took her over to the chair and said.  "Sit your ass down."

Everyone stared at him.  They were shocked.  "Louis."  Harry started to say but Louis put his hand up.

"Sit down."  He gently, but forcefully, sat her in the chair.  He sat on the table in front of her.  "No kid gloves.  You're a strong woman and I'm going to talk to you like one.  Stop the crap.  Your ex.  He's an asshole.  Plain and simple.  It's not your fault he's one.  He just is.  You used to think you were alone.  Maybe you were for awhile.  But you're not now.  Maybe we didn't handle the situation the best, but we were gonna handle it.  You aren't leaving.  Not one of us will let you get very far."  He reached out and lifted her chin.  He gently rubbed his thumb over her swollen and bruised eye.  "Talk to your boyfriend and your best friend.  Or don't.  But don't run from them.  As much as you need them, they need you."

Julie took Louis' hand off her face and stood up.  She was caught slightly off guard when he told her to sit her ass back down.  She did though.  "Not one of you needs this.  He will never stop looking for me.  If I've learned anything from this, I've learned that."

"Let him."  Zayn said walking over to her and Louis.  He squatted in front of her and put his hand on top of hers.  "Because every day one of us will be here for you.  You will realize that you can get past it and that we will protect you.  I am so sorry I didn't get out there fast enough to stop this."  He said also gently touching the bruise around her eye.

"It's not your fault.  That's my point.  It's not your fight.  None of your fight."  She said looking at the ground.

"Baby, any fight of yours is my fight."  Louis and Zayn got up and let Harry sit in front of her.  He took her hands in his.  "I am sorry that I didn't listen, and I am truly sorry I let my emotions trump what you were going through.  But I couldn't handle the lies and the complete insanity coming from his mouth.  And him touching you.  I lost my mind.  I've never felt that way before."

Julie looked at his hand.  She took hers and gently touched his bruised knuckles.  "Harry."

"The door and I had a disagreement.  I may not have reacted well when I realized you left the club."  He said to her.

Julie ran her hands through her hair took a deep breath and stood up.  "Ok, everyone out.  Go to your rooms and get some sleep.  I know some of you have long flights tomorrow, or today rather.  I'm fine.  Or I will be."

Liam walked up to her.  He touched her bruise gently and kissed her cheek.  "You will you got the best on your side.

"Do you people think its going to heal if y'all touch it?  I think that's just about everyone.  I'm really sorry you had to see that."  She said.

Zayn was next he hugged her tightly.  "If you ever need someone to talk too.  I'm willing.  And I really wish I would have gotten there sooner.  No matter what you say."

"Thanks Zayn, but its not your fault.  Safe travels and say hi to Perrie for me."  She hugged him and kissed his cheek.

Louis walked up to her.  He looked at her eye and shook his head.  "Ya know Rocky, I think you're taking this a little too far.  You don't have to live up to the nickname."  He put his hands on her hips to pull her into a hug.  She grimaced and gasped when he did.  He pulled up her shirt and moved the waist of her jeans slightly.

"Louis what the hell are you doing??"  Harry asked.

"Son of a bitch!"  Louis exclaimed, turning her slightly towards Harry.  He saw the big bruise appearing on her hip.

"Its just a bruise.  Its sore.  My whole body is sore, but I will be fine."  Julie said pulling her shirt back down over her waist and covering the bruise.

Amanda couldn't take it anymore.  She went past everyone and just hugged Julie.  And cried.  She thought she knew before what Julie was feeling.  She thought she knew the pain after she told her what happened.  But that was nothing.  Now she felt it in her heart.  She witnessed a small amount of it and she could barely take it.  She couldn't stand the thought of her friend dealing with that for 2 years.

Harry ran his hand through his hair.  He couldn't stand this.  "Alright, let me walk you guys out."  He and Niall walked Liam, Zayn, and Louis to the door.

They all hugged Harry and told him if he needed anything to call.  Louis put his hands on Harry's shoulders.  "I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I can't even imagine what's going on in your head.  But I believe if anyone can get her through this its you.  Just be you."  He hugged him again and walked out with the others.

Niall looked at him.  "Are you ready for this?  I have a feeling now that everyone else is gone..."

"She will let her wall down a little?  Yeah, not sure what's going to be harder, if she stays unemotional, or if she breaks down."  Harry said.

"Hate to say it, but I hope she breaks down.  At least she's dealing with it then instead of pushing it all inside.  And it means she trusts us."  Niall put his hand on Harry's shoulder.

Amanda backed up and took Julie's hand.  She pulled her to the bed.  "I need you to snuggle with me."  She knew Julie would never admit she needed her right now.  And it wasn't a lie.  She needed Julie to be there with her.  To know she was ok, but Amanda felt just as lost right now.  When Julie slowly gave in, and reluctantly climbed on the bed, she was relieved.  She wrapped her arms around Julie, and when Julie laid her head on her chest the tears started flowing again.  She tightened her arms when Julie's body started to tremble.  She knew she was crying without even looking at her.

Harry and Niall stood back and watched the girls.  When Julie reached her hand out to Harry he gladly went to them.  He wrapped them both in his arms.  Julie then reached her hand out to Niall.  It made Niall smile.  He went to the other side and laid down with all of them.

"I'm so sorry."  Julie said.  "So sorry."

"Baby, you don't have to be sorry."  Harry said kissing her head.  They all fell asleep cuddled together in Harry's bed.


	22. Chapter 22

Amanda woke up a couple hours later and Julie wasn't in bed. She got up and went to look for her. She saw her standing in the bathroom. She was leaning on the sink. Her wrist was bruised from where she was grabbed, her eye looked worse and she imagined her hip didn't look much better. "JJ?" She walked up to her.

Julie pushed herself off the sink and stood up slowly. She was extremely sore. "I'm ok."

"Of course you are. But you will let me check you out because even though I know you're a great nurse, when it comes to yourself; I know you too well." Amanda said.

"I'm fine, really." Julie said avoiding Amanda's intense gaze.

"Right, so then it shouldn't be a problem." She walked up to Julie and checked her pulse, looked at her wrist and eye, and then told Julie to look at her.

Julie took a deep breath. She did know what Amanda would see and knew what would happen next, but when it came to her nursing Amanda wouldn't let it go. She lifted her eyes to Amanda's.

Amanda looked directly into her eyes and gave her some direction. Then she said, "You're going to the nearest hospital. You have a concussion, I'm sure of it."

"Amanda. You can watch for any problems. You know what to look for." Julie tried.

"No, your pupils are slow to respond, and I can tell your struggling to form your thoughts. You're getting a CT scan and that's the end of discussion." She took Julie by the hand and led her to a chair. "You sit here while I get the stuff and tell the boys. I am not playing with you."

Julie sat down. "Yes ma'am. You don't have to be such a bossy bitch."

"Yes, I do. Now shut up and sit there." Amanda said getting her and Julie's things together. Then she went back to the bedroom area to wake Harry and Niall, and tell them. "Niall babe." She said kissing him. She then gently touched Harry's shoulder. "Harry. Sorry to wake you both. I know you've only been asleep for a couple of hours, but I'm taking JJ to the hospital."

Harry and Niall both sat up quickly. "What?" Harry said standing up quickly.

"I think she has a concussion. Of course she keeps telling me she's fine." Amanda said.

"Jesus Christ." Harry said rubbing his face. "I can't fucking believe this."

"I know, Harry. I just want to make sure there isn't anything more serious. I'm going to warn you. When you go in to see her; she's really bruised. Her wrist has started to bruise where he grabbed her. Her eye is darker. I didn't see her hip but I'm sure that's just as bad. She's struggling to articulate what she's thinking."

He sat down on the end of the bed. He put his head in his hands and tried not to cry. "I can't handle this."

Amanda put her hand on his back. "You can. I know its hard. But maybe now that she sees how many people will stand up for her, and protect her she will be able to move on. Be who she's meant to be."

"We didn't do a very good job if she's beat up like that." He said standing up and trying to calm down before he went to see her.

Niall stood up. "Who the hell would have thought he would show up, out of the blue, in Vegas. I mean, why would we think we needed to watch."

"I know." Harry said. "Fuck that asshole."

Amanda laughed. "Truest statement yet."

They all walked out to where Julie was. Harry went to sit on the table in front of her. She was in the chair with her head in her hands. He put his hands on her shoulders. When she slowly sat up and he saw her face, he gasped. "I cannot believe I let this happen to you."

"Harry it's not your fault. I should have known better. I shouldn't have assumed he wouldn't find me. I never should have assumed I could handle it. I just didn't want to get everyone involved. I wanted him out of the club. Him seeing all of you stick up for me; he would never take that well." Julie said to him slowly it took her awhile to get all the thoughts out.

"So it is our fault." He couldn't help it he ran his thumb gently over the bruise on her eye.

"No, it would have happened at some point. When he figured out I wouldn't leave with him." She took his hand and looked at his knuckles again. "I really wish this didn't happen."

"Its nothing. Doesn't even really hurt." He said.

Amanda came over to them. "Lets go JJ, I wanna get you to the hospital asap."

"I really wish you would reconsider, still don't think I need to go." Julie said.

"Yes, you do. You're not right and if it was anyone other than you; you would have been the first one to mention it. Now let's go." She said.

"Wait. We're going with you." Niall said.

"No." Both Julie and Amanda said at the same time.

"Um, yes." Harry said.

"No, Harry." Amanda said. "Its not the time for the craziness that would surround you and Niall. I'm sorry, I know it sucks. I will keep you updated, but no."

Julie stood up slowly. She was really sore. She had to steady herself. She put her hands on Harrys arms when he helped steady her. "Thanks, see you soon."

Amanda walked her out to the car. Harry had a security member drive them to the hospital.

After a few hours of tests, they finally released Julie. This was one time she was glad Harry was so well known. It got her in and out faster than she probably would have normally been seen.

"So you heard them JJ. Relaxing, and no stress, until you can get rechecked in a couple of days." Amanda said. She climbed in the back seat with her and put her arm around her. "Let us take care of you."

"Don't be ridiculous, I can take care of myself." Julie said.

"Try and stop us." Amanda said.

"Stop being so damn stubborn." Julie said leaning her head back against the seat.

"Not possible. I've learned from the best for the past 2 years." Amanda said.

"I liked you better when you were easy, and just let me have my way." Julie said closing her eyes.

"I'm sure you did. And no sleeping. You have to stay awake the next few hours at least." Amanda scolded.

"Oh, I can tell you're gonna get on my nerves real quick." Julie said shaking her head.

"It's my job. Stop being a difficult patient." Amanda said.

"I'm not your patient." Julie said still not opening her eyes.

"You are my most important patient ever." Amanda said.

Julie got out of the car with Amanda and walked up to the hotel room. They walked into Harrys room and found both Niall and Harry pacing back and forth.

"It's about time." Niall said walking up to them. He hugged Julie and then hugged and kissed Amanda. "How's the patient."

"Unruly and stubborn." Amanda said.

Niall laughed. "So back too normal?"

Harry took Julie by the hand and led her to the chairs. He sat down and pulled her gently into his lap. "The truth. How are you?"

"I'm fine." She said.

"Oh, Jesus Christ. He said the truth. Not your version." Amanda scolded. "She has a concussion. They want her to stay awake at least another few hours but the longer the better. The bruising on her face and hip is pretty deep. They say she will be pretty sore for awhile. She has to have another CT scan in a few days to make sure there's no bleeds."

"I got you, why do I need to feel or say anything?" Julie said.

"Hey, that's not very nice. She's just trying to make sure you're ok. We all are. You should be thanking her." Harry scolded Julie.

Julie and Amanda looked at each other and laughed. "Oh Harry, if she didn't say something like that, and said thanks Amanda, I probably would rush her back to the hospital and tell them they missed something."

"Yeah she knows I'm a bitch. It's ok. Everyone needs one in their life." Julie said.

Amanda laughed. "She's my bitch. I'm hers. Works out well."

"Ok will you two stop calling yourselves that. Geez!" Niall said.

"I wanna go home." Julie said leaning her head against Harry's shoulder. She tried to keep joking around, but her head was spinning and the pain was pretty intense.

"Well let's buy us some plane tickets to LA then." Harry said wrapping his arms around her waist.

Amanda shook her head. "She can't fly. Doctors orders. Too much pressure on her head."

"Road Trip!" Niall exclaimed. "Finally, we've been dying to road trip with you two since you did it in FL without us. I will get us a rental."

"You guys don't have to come. Stay in Vegas. Have some fun." Julie said.

"I'm not leaving you. Or letting you leave me." Harry said.

"Oh no, you're coming with me. You don't get a choice. I meant Niall and Amanda." Julie said.

"I don't get a choice, huh? Well lucky I would have chosen to come anyway." He was super happy she didn't try to push him away. That she wanted him with her that badly.

"I need you. I can't do this without you." Julie said.

"Ok, I'm not leaving you either. I think I might have to watch you closer. Did you really just admit that you needed someone?" Amanda said. "Especially Harry?"

"Shut up Panda." Julie said. "Can we just go now. Please. Come. Stay. Whatever. I just want out of here."

Niall got off the phone. "Yep cars on its way. Let's get packed up."

"You need me huh?" Harry asked her.

"Yeah. I know I'm still horrible at showing you, but you make me better. You make me feel like I don't have to be that girl anymore that has to worry about her boyfriend's reaction when she messes up. You make me feel like I'm able to be me and I don't have to worry about the consequences. You accept my crazy, and my past, and my total lack of confidence, like its no big deal. You're incredible. You still scare the hell out of me because of all of that. But I just want you there. I'm scared. I'm scared how my brain is going to process seeing him again and seeing all this." Julie said pointing to her bruises. "I'm going to need to be reminded just how safe you make me feel."

Harry looked into her eyes and kissed her lips. He didn't know how to respond. He almost didn't know how to take her putting that out there like that to him. They had gotten to know each other much better the past few weeks. He could tell she was enjoying their relationship. She took his calls all the time, and she called him often. But she was not the type that articulated her feelings well. He had accepted that. But her just saying it now, filled his heart.

She could tell he was caught off guard with her honesty about her feelings. "Don't worry babe. I'm ok. I didn't hit my head that hard. I mean it, but easy and sappy won't happen all the time." She kissed him and got up to get her stuff.

"No joking about your head injury please. But as far as the rest goes. I'm glad I can help. Cuz believe it or not, I need you too." He set her back in the chair. "I will get your stuff. You sit and rest."

"Ok, thank you." She yawned and leaned her head back.

Harry laughed. "Yeah, this is odd." He went and packed his and her things.

Amanda walked into the room. "No! You get up. No sleeping." She shook Julie's shoulder gently and when she didn't move or open her eyes, she shook her a little harder. It took a minute but she woke up. "God, don't scare me like that. Get up. We are ready to leave."

"I'm tired. Geez." Julie said getting up.

"You're also concussed. Just stay awake." Amanda said leading her out the door. Harry and Niall had already gone to pack the car.

Harry took Julie's hand to help her into the front seat. He was going to drive at least the first part of the trip. He looked at her strangely when she looked over his hand holding hers intently.

"You have such beautiful hands. Like I totally love them." Julie said seriously.

Amanda laughed. "Uh oh, those drugs must be in full force now. This could prove interesting."

"No, really. They're just perfect." She said.

Harry helped her into the car and then helped buckle her in. He laughed. "Well I'm glad you think so." He shut the door and turned to Amanda. "I mean, I hate to second guess this, but are you sure she's ok? She's definitely freaking me out a little. Not that I mind being looked at as perfect to her but um...."

Amanda laughed. "Yeah Harry, I believe she's going to be fine. I'm sure the drugs they pumped her full of are helping the openness. But I also believe she's always felt that way, just couldn't bring herself to say it. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"I've kind of always enjoyed her being a smart ass. Hope she doesn't change too much." Harry said walking around to the other side of the car.

"Oh, I think that's her true personality, I don't think you have to worry about that." Amanda said climbing into the backseat with Niall. "JJ wake your ass up don't make me tell you again."

Julie raised her middle finger backwards towards Amanda.

Amanda grabbed her finger. "Just stay awake. See Harry. Told you. No worries."

"Stop talking about me already." Julie said opening her eyes.

"They are just talking about how all these drugs make you too loveable." Niall said laughing. He laughed harder when Julie crinkled her eyebrows. "But then Amanda can always bring out the real you."

"Bite me Niall." Julie said looking out the window as Harry pulled away.

Niall leaned up and bit Julie's shoulder. He laughed when she playfully slapped his cheek and then settled back next to Amanda.

"Niall, stop biting my girlfriend." Harry said laughing at how that sounded. "You two better watch it. I'm starting to question this whole friendship thing."

"Yeah." Amanda laughed. "I'm not sure I like you two getting along so well."

"Don't worry. I hate him." Julie said.

"Yeah I hate her too. It's all good." Niall agreed.

"Right. Pure hate." Amanda said laughing.

They were about halfway through the trip and they had managed to keep Julie awake so far. She was really starting to show the signs of being exhausted and of the drugs though. They were all laughing hysterically at her antics.

Julie pulled out her phone and started snapping pictures of everyone. She got a few of Amanda and Niall in the back seat. "Awe so cute." She snapped a few of Harry also. Amanda shook her head. She started to believe as much as JJ has rubbed off on her, she was rubbing off on at least drugged up JJ. JJ very rarely took pics. When she saw her start to post them to social media she knew it was true.

"Ok #roadtrip, #bestiesandboyfriend, #nothingbetter." Julie said giggling.

Amanda took her phone from her and laughed. She knew that if she let JJ post them she would regret it later especially the one of Harry. She wanted a normal undrugged JJ to decide if she was ready to post pics of Harry as her boyfriend. "Ok love, let's hold off on the social media posts right now."

"Send them to my phone. I will post them." Niall said.

"Really?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, why not? We're already public. This way she has them posted as she wanted but it doesn't have to out her and Harry until they decide too. I can just change the hashtags slightly." Niall said laughing.

They were almost back to LA when Julie started fading fast. Harry was holding her hand and she was lazily playing with his fingers. Every time she stopped, he would pull on her hand a little so she wouldn't fall asleep.

Amanda leaned up between the seats. "We're almost home JJ. Try to stay awake until we get there, and then I think it's safe to let you sleep. We don't have a big enough bed for all of us to fit in comfortably or I'd make you snuggle me again." Amanda laughed. "I don't think Niall or Harry would go for sleeping together in another room."

"Got that right." Niall said.

"Yeah, especially knowing you are in another room in the same place." Harry said.

Julie leaned her head back and kissed Amanda quick. "I love you." She said as she rolled her head to the other side to look out the window.

"I love you, too." Amanda sat back and laughed. "I think we need to let her sleep soon."

"We know she loves you, Princess." Niall said. "I'm starting to get a little frustrated with this whole kissing thing though. I'm not sure whether I love it or hate it." He laughed when Amanda hit his shoulder.

"Right!" Harry said. "It's so confusing."

"Well doesn't matter. I will kiss her whenever I want." Julie said groggily.

"And I won't stop her." Amanda said.

"You two, I'm starting to wonder if we're getting in the way of your relationship." Niall said laughing.

"Oh, you are." Julie said. "But I think I want to keep H so, will deal with it for now."

Harry laughed. "Thanks baby, I think."

They arrived at the girl's apartment. Harry and Niall sent the girls up to the apartment while they got the things out of the car.

"You ready for this?" Niall asked Harry. "It's been an interesting couple of days."

"Yeah man, I think I'm looking forward to boring and quiet. I just hope she's ok." Harry said grabbing some bags.

"She will be, she has me." Niall laughed at the look Harry gave him. "And of course you and Amanda."

"Niall, you need to stop messing with me." Harry laughed. "I remember when you first got back from the hospital after meeting them. You said you wanted to see them both, but I didn't think you were serious."

Niall laughed. "Dude, I couldn't handle them both. JJ's all yours. I just adore her, I think she's becoming one of my best friends. But I don't want to take her from you. Plus, I don't think Amanda would go for it anyway." He laughed when Harry shook his head at him.

"She might be ok with it. Seems they are pretty attached. I'd be afraid to ask them, scared of the answer I might get." Harry laughed harder.

"Yeah, they are definitely pretty close. But it's kind of nice. Although I might get more sick of your face." Niall said. They started up to the apartment.

"Yeah as if we don't see each other enough. We might have to try to separate them at some point just so I can get rid of you." Harry said.

"Do you want to deal with the aftermath of trying to separate them?" Niall asked raising his eyebrows at Harry.

"No, on second thought. No." Harry said pushing the door open. The girls left it cracked so they could just walk in. "Home sweet home."

"Wait, what did you say?" Julie said from the couch.

"Well I assume your home is my home now." Harry said laughing.

"You know what they say when you assume." Julie said. "But put the damn bags away, and come here, so I can yell at you."

"Do you think it's ok for her to sleep now?" Harry asked Amanda.

"I'm sitting right here. You could ask me." Julie said.

"I don't trust your answers." Harry said. "Sorry babe, but when it comes to yourself you're not as careful as you are with everyone else."

Amanda laughed. "Ok Harry, you're on your own with that one, but yes I think it's safe. Just wake her up every couple of hours to make sure she still responds. Then after a while I can come relieve you so that you can get some sleep."

"I'm good. I can manage." He bent down and picked her up. "Let's go to bed. My favorite bed." Harry smiled remembering the first time he fell asleep on her bed.

Julie cuddled up to him when he laid her on her bed and climbed in beside her. She was so tired and the pain was pretty intense now that the drugs the hospital gave her were wearing off. "I'm so glad you're here."

"So am I. I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else." He kissed her head and then carefully by her eye. "I wish I could take away your pain though."

"You make it so much easier to deal with." She closed her eyes and fell asleep quickly.

Harry couldn't sleep, not for a long time. He just watched her. He was concerned. Her physical wounds were bad enough but emotionally he was worried about what the confrontation would do to her. He woke her up a few times through the rest of the day and night and eventually slept on and off with her.

Amanda and Niall went to her room. "You know Princess, this is the first time I'm staying in your bed. Usually we were at the hotel while Harry and JJ were here. I'm kind of looking forward to this."

"Me too, babe. I'm sure this will be the best I've ever slept in this bed." She climbed in and patted the bed next to her.

"I was thinking about more than sleeping, but right now I think that's all I can do. It's been a hell of a couple days." Niall said climbing in beside her. He kissed her and laid back. He wrapped his arm around her when she laid on his chest.

"Yeah me too. I'm sure once I'm convinced she's healing fine this will all hit me. It's so much." Amanda yawned. "But let's deal with that later. I'm so happy that you came home with me."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else babe. I wish our vacation in Vegas wasn't cut short, but I don't think any of us could have enjoyed it there after that." He kissed her again.

"Yeah, I can't say I would have enjoyed it. Maybe we can go back some other time." Amanda said.

"Ok babe. Let's get some sleep. I love you Princess." He held her close.

"Love you too, my Prince." She smiled and closed her eyes. She felt safe and comfortable, and definitely right at home.


	23. Chapter 23

The next couple of days were pretty mellow and boring.  There was a lot of sleeping, and a lot of take out and tv.  Julie seemed to be healing well with only a few side effects of the concussion.  Her bruising was definitely in the worse before it gets better stage, but the pain was subsiding.  Things seemed pretty normal.  It was strange.  Two of the most famous men in the world staying in a small apartment with two extremely average nurses.  And it all seemed normal.

Amanda stood back in her doorway and watched JJ and Harry.  JJ was sitting on one end of the couch writing in her notebook, and Harry was sitting at the other end eating popcorn and watching tv.  Every time Harry went in to try and peek at the notebook, JJ would just take her hand and push his head gently back towards his side of the couch.  She watched Harry start to throw popcorn at JJ and laughed.  JJ just ignored him.  Every time a piece landed either on her notebook or close, JJ would just pick it up and eat it.  She never acknowledged him or said anything.  It was completely adorable.  After a while JJ put her notebook up, picked up the popcorn from the floor and threw it away.  She climbed up by Harry lifted his arm and put it around her as she cuddled up to him.  Amanda smiled.  This is how it should be for them.  She had never seen JJ, nor Harry for that matter so calm and relaxed.  She knew it wouldn't last forever, JJ or Harry or both would get bored, but for now it was great to see.  She looked back when Niall wrapped his arms around her from behind.  "Hi babe.  Did you enjoy your shower?"

"I enjoy them better when they include you."  Niall said kissing her neck.  "What are you doing stalking in your doorway?"

"I'm not stalking."  She looked at him.  "Ok maybe I am.  I'm watching JJ and Harry.  It's nice to see."

"It is.  But it's kind of boring when we don't have to deal with their drama."  Niall laughed when she gave him a look.

"Well the drama we just dealt with I hope we never have to see again."  She kissed his chin and then took a deep breath.

"But you're worried.  Why?"  He asked.

"I'm trying not to be Niall.  Really I am.  It's just she hasn't dealt with it.  She seems content and I'm grateful for that, but she hasn't talked about it, or had a meltdown, or cried about it.  And I'm sorry but all those things should have happened."  Amanda said.

"Why?  Why can't it just be this way?  Why can't she have just realized that she has people here for her, and people who want nothing other than to protect her.  Why can't it be that simple."  Niall asked.

"Being a boy must be so easy."  Amanda said shaking her head at him.  "You know how much I've talked about it.  How much it affected me, and none of it happened to me.  Imagine her head Niall.  Imagine everything going on in hers.  If it's because you and Harry are here, then what's going to happen when you're gone?"

"I wish you wouldn't want to find trouble Princess."  He said to her.

"It seems to find her, and I'm not going anywhere so I'm going to be there to help get her out of it."  Amanda said.

"You're such an amazing friend."  Niall said kissing her.  "Let's go bug them though.  We've all kind of spent the past two days to ourselves, and trust me I couldn't have asked for a better two days in your bed; but I know you want to see how she is, and I know I wouldn't mind knowing she was ok."

"Yeah I'm starting to think, though, that you're trying to steal my best friend."  She raised her eyebrows at him.

Niall laughed.  "No just want you to share."

"Hmmmm, not sure I wanna share my best friend especially with my boyfriend."  Amanda laughed at him.  She kissed him and then started towards JJ and Harry.  She jumped on them.  "Hey!  I've missed you guys."

Julie wrapped her arm around Amanda.  "We've been in the same apartment as you for two straight days."

"Yes, but we've all been doing our own thing."  Amanda said as Niall came and sat right next to her.

"Geez, could you guys get any closer?"  Julie asked.  "You've been the ones stuck in your room for two days.  We've been out often."

"Only because you're still recovering so you couldn't..."  Amanda started.

"Oh jesus I was teasing we don't have to go there in detail."  Julie said covering her ears.

Harry laughed.  "Yep, sounds about right.  It's not a secret babe what happens between them and even us..."

"Oh shut up!  I hate you people."  Julie said squeezing out from between Harry and Amanda.  She watched Harry wrap his arm around Amanda.  "I see I'm not needed anyway.  I'm going to the grocery store."  She walked over to get the keys.

"Wait."  Niall said.  "Since they seem pretty comfortable cuddled on the couch, I'll go with you."

Harry laughed.  "Hey wait.  What is happening here?"

"Sharing."  Niall said laughing.

"Niall."  Amanda said.  "What did I just tell you about that?"

"You have to learn to share Amanda."  Niall said leaning over the couch and kissing her.  He then playfully smacked Harry's cheek.  "Watch your hands buddy."

"You watch yourself Niall, you're the one who's going out with my girlfriend."  Harry said.

"Yes I am."  He took the keys from Julie.  "Let's go."

"Why do you both do that?  I can drive myself ya know."  Julie said shaking her head.  "Niall just wants to go because it involves food."

"Yes and you cooking, I remember my birthday breakfast.  I can't wait for dinner."  Niall said.

Julie laughed.  "Oh good god, it wasn't that good."

"It was."  Harry said looking back at her.  "Come give me a kiss goodbye."

"No, you're cuddling with Amanda.  Get one from her."  Julie said.

"Alright then.  If you insist."  Harry leaned down and kissed Amanda quickly.

"Enjoy."  Julie said walking out the door.

Harry just shook his head.  "She's something else."

"Yeah, but no more of that."  Niall said waving his finger at them.  He turned and left with Julie.

Amanda sat up and looked at Harry who rubbed his face.  "Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah I should be great.  Things have been calm and amazing.  She's been easy and loveable."

"And that's the biggest problem."  Amanda said.  She couldn't help but laugh.  "Easy and loveable are not words we use when we describe JJ."

"Right.  So as much as I'm enjoying the calmness I'm afraid of what she's been pushing aside.  I know she doesn't want me to worry, and I know she doesn't want anything to take away from you and Niall's time together; so I'm afraid she's putting on a show for our sake.  Part of me hopes that I can make her feel that safe and comfortable.  But seeing her face, and watching all that happen, I know it can't be that easy."  Harry looked at her.  "Sorry I didn't mean to bring you down."

"Oh no, I was just talking to Niall about the same thing."  Amanda said.  "Seems you and I are more alike.  No wonder we both care so much for her.  I'm hoping she opens up soon.  Niall doesn't think I should borrow trouble, but I can't help it."

"Cause you love her.  You've told me before we just have to be here for her.  So that's what we'll do."  Harry said putting his arm around her again.

Amanda leaned against his shoulder.  "Maybe she will open up to Niall.  He seems to get her pretty well.  He wants me to share her with him.  I always wanted them to get along, guess that happened."  She laughed.

"Yeah."  He laughed.  "I question their relationship sometimes."

Julie searched for her big pair of sunglasses as Niall drove to the store.  She put them on to see how much of the bruise it covered.  Wasn't great but it did cover some.  "You know Niall this will probably start a whole new slew of rumors being seen out with me."

"Yeah well too bad.  I can be seen with friends.  How are you doing?  For real?  Harry and Amanda aren't here to protect.  So truth."  He said glancing at her.

"I'm fine."  She said simply.

"Yeah, figured that would be your answer.  Too bad I know you're lying."  He said to her.

"I'm not lying.  I'm fine.  Look it's not easy.  It's tough but I'm doing it.  I don't want to freak out.  I got you, and Harry, and a locked door.  What else could I ask for?"  She looked at him.  "Nervous about him figuring out I'm in LA though, and pics of you and I in a store in LA could prove problematic."

He sighed.  "Yeah guess I didn't think of that."

"Any pics of Amanda or I anyway will cause the same problem.  I think its beyond my control at this point.  I'm afraid of what he's gonna say to everyone. I'm sure he's going to have some stuff to sell to the magazine's and gossip sites."  She said.

"Yeah, so apparently you've thought about this more than you let on."  He looked at her as they got out of the car.

"Of course I have.  But why have everyone worry.  I worry enough for all of you."  She said walking into the store with him.

"Amanda wishes you would open up to her.  She's worried."  He said as they walked around the store.

"Right now, I'm ok.  I can't explain it.  I don't know if it will last.  I'm a little nervous out of the apartment but when I'm there I feel ok."  She started putting things in the cart.

People started to recognize Niall.  It made Julie nervous and he could tell.  "Hey I want to buy the groceries if you have everything you need go to the car I'm going to grab a few things, pay, and I will meet you there."

"Ok.  Just need white potatoes yet just grab a bag."  She gave him the cart and happily hurried from the store.

Niall came out and put the groceries into the trunk.  He noticed Julie didn't look at him when he got in the car.  "Hey are you ok?"  He grabbed her hand and pulled on it to get her to look at him.  She had her sunglasses on but he saw a tear escape below them.  "Ok, time to be honest now."

"Niall, let's just get out of here before people come out of the store."  Julie begged him.  "Please?"

"Yes, of course."  He drove out of the parking lot but he wasn't going to take her home just yet.  "Talk to me."

"I'm scared.  I'm scared he's going to come back.  I'm, I honestly don't even want to say it."  She said looking out the window.

"Say what?"  He asked her.

"I'm not sure staying here is a good idea.  I'm not sure staying with Amanda, while she's with you, is a good idea.  Or being with Harry, because there will be no privacy.  He's going to find me, it's only a matter of time.  You saw all those people in the store.  I bet it's all over social media already."  She wiped her cheeks.  "I hate it.  But I'm so scared.  I've been trying to just prove to myself it's right the past few days.  Harry makes me feel safe, but I'm scared he's going to realize it's more trouble than it's worth to be with me.  Who would want to always look over their shoulder.  Plus, he's got so much going on."

"So that's what you've been doing? You're trying to prove to him that your worth it by being what?  Overly calm and easy?  JJ, Harry adores you the way you are.  Why would you want to change?  We like you being you.  And that's a smartass.  It's not a bad thing."  Niall said to her.

"No, Niall, I'm sure he's wondered more than once why he bothers.  Who wouldn't?  Hearing what Johnny said.  I just wonder...."  Julie started.

"No!  Don't you do that."  Niall interrupted pulling the car over.  He turned in his seat so he was facing her.  "I get it now.  You believe what came out of that lying bastards mouth.  Don't you do that!"

Julie couldn't look at him.  She kept thinking back to that alleyway.  When Johnny said she wasn't anything more than another bitch to fuck.  It was running through her brain constantly.  She believed that at the beginning, but she was starting to believe Harry truly wanted her.  Then she heard it out loud.  As much as she knew Johnny was a bully, she just kept going back there.

"JJ, I swear to you there is nothing that he said that is true.  Nothing."  Niall said.  "Please we could all tell you were off since it happened.  But I had no idea this is why.  I thought it was because of your head."

"Just, let's just go home.  I need to start dinner."  Julie said still looking out the window.

"Damn it, JJ."  He grabbed her and pulled her to him.  He hugged her.  "You will not do this."

She just laid on his shoulder and closed her eyes.  She knew he meant well.  She was growing really fond of Niall.  But nothing he could say right now would be able to change her mind.  After a few minutes, she sat back up.  "Ok let's just go home.  Dinner remember."

"Right."  He started driving.  Damn it, Amanda was right.  He didn't want there to be trouble, but there was.  He had to tell Harry and Amanda, but he couldn't do it with JJ around.  He didn't want to go behind her back, but they had to pull together to get through this.

Julie and Niall brought the bags into the apartment and to the kitchen.

"Geez, where did you guys go for groceries?  The moon?"  Amanda asked.

"Sorry."  Julie said.  "I didn't mean to keep him away from you for so long."  She started unloading the bags.

"No, that's not, JJ it's fine."  Amanda walked up to her.  "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, of course."  She said.  She put things away and started unwrapping the things she needed for dinner.  "I see Niall got some beer.  Why don't you take some into the boys and sit down and have a drink with them?  I got this."

"Right."  Amanda grabbed some beers and took them into the other room.  Not because she believed a word that came out of JJ's mouth because then she could talk to Niall and Harry without JJ.  She walked in and handed them each a drink.  "Ok Niall, so what did she tell you?"  She didn't sit.  She couldn't.  She was officially worried.

"I should go see if Julie needs some help."  Harry said standing up.

"No, wait just a minute."  Niall said quietly.  "You need to hear this too.  I hate doing this behind her back, but you were right Amanda.  She's not as good as I was hoping she was."

Harry sat back down.  "Yeah, I figured."

"Oh, but it's worse than I imagined.  She's afraid he's going to find her because of pictures posted on social media.  And I saw it today, it's possible.  She's afraid to stay with Amanda if her and I are together, because of all of the attention.  So that makes..." Niall started.

"Being with me a real issue?"  Harry said.

"Yes, she's been trying the past couple of days to prove to herself she should be with you, but Harry, she's afraid that you're going to come to the conclusion that all of this isn't worth your time.  And she believes the things he said to her in that alley.  She's been so easy and so cooperative because she wants you to think she's worth it."  Niall said.

Amanda sat down and set her drink on the table.  She tried to stop her tears.  She was thinking back to the words being thrown around in that alleyway.  It hit her after a while.  "He told her that she wasn't anything other than another bitch to fuck.  That she couldn't be anything more than that."

"Why in the world would she believe anything he would say, ever?  It pisses me off.  I'm pretty sure I've proven she's more than that every day since we officially got together."  Harry said.

"Yeah, but that confrontation, took her right back to the past."  Amanda said.  "I knew there was more going on, and so did you Harry.  I also don't think a confrontation will work with her.  So as much as she should be slapped for believing what she does; we have to just accept it, and work on proving to her she's wrong.  If we confront her and push her it won't end well."

"I'm sorry Amanda, but I disagree.  She needs to know straight up its bullshit."  Harry said standing up.

"Harry."  Amanda started but he just walked away.  "Great, guess I should be prepared to pick up the pieces."

"He won't hurt her Amanda."  Niall said.

"Yeah, not on purpose."  Amanda said getting up and going towards the kitchen.

Julie stood up from putting dinner into the oven and set the timer.  She turned, and when she did she was caught off guard with Harry standing right there.  "Hey, I thought you were having a drink with Amanda and Niall.  I've got this really."  She touched his arm and went to go around him.

"No, wait."  He took her arm.  "We need to talk.  Now."

"Ok, I'm sorry."  Julie said.

"Stop.  Just stop."  Harry said to her.

"What?  Stop what?"  She looked at him confused.

"Stop being so cooperative."  He said.

"What?  I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you upset." She said surprised.

"Damn it, Julie.  Stop.  Stop acting like someone you're not.  I fell for you, being you.  What would make you think that I would want you to change?  What makes you think that would make me want to stay?"  He asked her frustrated.

"I'm, just, I don't want to be so much trouble for everyone.  Niall wasn't supposed to say anything.  But I just want you to have some downtime while you're off."  She tried to explain.  "I'm sorry."  She put her hands on his stomach.

He stepped back.  "No.  Is it true you believe that you're just someone else for me to sleep with?"  He couldn't quite put it to her the way that bastard said it but he needed to know.  "I thought we got past that a long time ago."

"I never said that.  Not even to Niall."  She said.

"Is it true?  Do you believe anything that came out of that lying bastards mouth; over what I've been telling you and showing you for how long now?"  He asked her.

"No, Harry I'm trying to prove to you...."  She started.

"I haven't asked you to try and prove anything to me!  I just want you to be you again!"  He said to her a bit angrily.

"Harry."  Amanda said.  "Maybe you should take a minute...."

"No, we need to do this.  It's time to deal with what happened in Vegas."  He said looking from Amanda back to Julie.  "It's past time."

"This isn't the way."  Amanda tried again.

"What do you people want from me?  Seriously.  Just tell me.  Because nothing is ever good enough for anyone.  I swear, no matter what I do it's wrong.  I try to keep everything to myself, so no one has to deal with it and everyone says don't do that.  I try to talk about what's going on in my head, and no one wants to hear it, or shares it with the world.  I try to be happy and show people I want them around, and now that's not good enough either.  Everyone thinks they know how I should feel, and what I should do but it's never good enough.  I'm never good enough.  Apparently Johnny was right about that.  And if you don't want to stay because I'm too nice now, then leave.  No one's asking anyone to stay if they don't want too.  If any of you can make up your fucking minds; then maybe, just maybe, I will know what to do."  She walked away and into her room.

"God damn it!"  Harry walked towards her room and went to open the door.  It was locked.  "Open the door Julie."  He didn't get a response.  He thought about saying he would break the damn door down but probably not the best thing to say after everything.

"Let me try Harry, I tried to warn you.  I have no idea why men are so obstinent."  Amanda knocked softly on the door.  "JJ, will you please open the door.  Let me talk to you."  She didn't get a response either.  "JJ, I know where the key is.  Just unlock it so I don't have to feel guilty about letting myself in."  When she still didn't get a response she sighed and went to find the key.  She moved quicker when she heard things crash and break.  She unlocked the door, and her, Niall and Harry all went in quickly.  They watched her throw some more things from her dresser across the room, and watched them hit the wall, shattering before they hit the floor.

Harry rushed over and grabbed her in his arms.  She struggled but he just held her tighter.

"Hey," Amanda said calmly.  "It's ok."

Julie struggled to get out of Harry's grip, but he wasn't budging.  She hit his chest with her fists, and then just lost it.  She cried uncontrollably and went down to her knees. 

Harry went to the floor with her.  This is what he was waiting for.  He didn't want to see it, but this emotional response is what he knew needed to happen.  "Julie I need you to know that I'm here for YOU, not for a version of you that you think you need to be.  No matter how frustrated I am with you, I WANT to be here.  I don't want you to be anything other than who you are.  I know this is a struggle for you.  It's a struggle I'm willing to take on with you, but you have to believe ME when I tell you this."

"I'm scared.  He's going to find me again and now that he knows I'm with you, I'm scared of what could happen.  I'm not strong enough for this."  She said.

"You are the strongest person I know."  Amanda said kneeling down next to them.  "We will figure out a way to deal with all of this.  You cannot give up on us because of him."

"I don't know what to do."  Julie said to them.

"Then let us help you figure it out.  Be scared if you need to be.  Cry if you need too.  Yell, scream, be unreasonable.  But don't be afraid of losing us.  Because I can promise that you won't.  Not any of us."  Niall said.

Harry stood up and helped her up.  "I need to hold you now.  I'm sorry I got angry, I shouldn't have."  He wrapped his arms around her.  "But know I'm not going anywhere and remember we went through the I only want you for sex thing."

"I know.  Deep down I know.  But right now, it's all I can think about."  She said.  She leaned against his chest.  "I warned you."

"I know."  He lifted her chin and kissed her lips.  "And no matter what we go through, we will work through it.  Together."

The next couple of hours were spent talking about things.  Getting through a lot of what Julie's fears were.  It was hard, and emotional, but it was needed.  They all needed to discuss and deal with what happened in Vegas.  It should have happened sooner, but at least it happened now.  Everyone was emotionally drained by the end of the discussion, but it seemed they were closer to where they needed to be after it.  Especially Julie.  She felt like weight had been lifted off her chest.  She should have never doubted them.  Especially Harry.  It was just so hard to move past all of it.

"Ok dinner should be done soon.  I think we all need a break from this anyway."  Julie said as she got up off the couch and went into the kitchen.

"Hey, let me help."  Amanda said walking in after her.

Julie took everything out of the oven and they got it all together onto platters and took it out to the table.  They looked over at Niall and Harry who were concentrating on the laptop.

"Um, hello.  Dinner's ready.  What are you doing?"  Julie said, walking over to them.

"Buying you plane tickets to the UK."  Harry said.

"Yeah right."  Amanda said.

"He tells the truth."  Niall said.

"It's time you guys saw our homes."  Harry said as if it was no big deal.

"Excuse me?  When were you going to ask?"  Julie said.

"We weren't."  Harry said looking up at her.  "I need this from you."

"Don't do that.  We can't just up and go to the UK.  It's going to take some planning and with work and us just taking how much time off.  We have bills to pay."  Julie said.

"We can pay them for right now."  Niall said.

"I'm starting to wonder who really got the head injury."  Julie said walking to the table.

"Not funny, JJ."  Amanda said.  "But she's right.  I would like nothing more than to travel with you guys.  But we do have bills to pay and jobs to keep."

"I don't want to hear from either of you how it's not a big deal.  How it's not that much.  I don't care how much money you have I would never ask you to pay my bills."  Julie said.  "I'm sort of insulted that you would think I would."

"Oh we know you wouldn't ask.  That's why we offered.  Listen.  If work will let you take some unpaid time off we can help get you through the month.  I understand it's a lot and things are happening quickly.  But I can't leave you like this and I have to go back home."  Harry said.

Julie looked at Amanda then back at Harry.  "I'm not saying yes.  But even if we asked for time off unpaid we couldn't do it that quickly.  We have to have a job to come back too so it would be at least a couple weeks."

Amanda smiled.  "You are saying yes.  But I agree we have to work it out with them.  So we can't go back with you right away.  When we go to work tomorrow night we will figure out when we can."

"Can we just eat dinner.  For crying out loud, I want this night to end."  Julie said sitting at the table.

"Of course you do; because you're giving me what I want, and it bothers you."  Harry said sitting next to her.

"Well you told me to stop being so nice."  Julie said.

"Not exactly what I said."  Harry said laughing.

They had a nice calm, peaceful dinner, because everything was out in the open.  After a while they said their goodnights.  The girls had to try and stay awake so they could sleep through the next day since they had to work at night.  It was an emotional night and a lot of things were discussed and dealt with.

The girls got up and went to work a little early, so that Julie could get her CT scan done.  The hospital wanted her cleared before she could work.  Everything looked like it was healing fine.  They discussed the time off with work, and even though it took a little negotiating, it eventually worked itself out.  They couldn't leave for two weeks though.  The boys were disappointed because they had to go back in a few days for press but it could have been worse.  They worked every night until the boys had to leave.  They got home the morning the boys were flying out.  They were leaving early that afternoon.  No one was looking forward to it.  They walked into a quiet apartment.  The boys must still be asleep.

Amanda walked into her room.  She saw Niall laying there in her bed asleep.  There was no better site than that.  She climbed in next to him.  She wasn't looking forward to coming home tomorrow morning to an empty bed.  She was grateful for everything they had and who he was, but she still was going to miss it.  She laid her head on his chest when he wrapped her in his arms.

"Hey Princess, how was work?"  He asked her.

"Hectic.  But I'm great now that I'm here with you."  She kissed his chin and snuggled back closer to him.

"I love waking up to you climbing in bed with me.  There's no doubt about that."  He said kissing her lips then down her neck.

"Are you getting fresh with me?"  She asked him.

"Yep."  He said as he rolled over her and looked down at her.  "You complaining?"

"Not in the least."  She said as she pulled him down to her by his shoulders, and kissed him deeply.

Julie walked into her room, and went into the bathroom to wash up.  She walked out and leaned against the bathroom door frame.  She looked at Harry asleep in her bed.  The first time he was asleep there, she remembered how she liked seeing him there.  Now there was no doubt she adored seeing him there.  It was only a couple of months ago, but it seemed like longer, as so much happened during that time.  She still was troubled a little by how feelings could run so deep, so quickly, but she was going to miss him here when she got home from work every morning, or before she went to bed when she didn't have to work.  She smiled and then went up and jumped on him.  "Hey!  You awake?"

"I am now."  He said laughing.  "You know there's other ways you could have woken me up."

"Yeah, I know but I like jumping you."  Julie laughed.

He shook his head and looked up at her.  "You're so bad."

"No, I'm good.  I'm going to miss you being in my bed when I get home from work.  It's like having a present every morning."  She said laughing.

"Yes baby, I'm you're gift."  He shook his head at her.  "I'm going to miss it too.  More than you know."

"Well I could tie you to my bed."  She took his hands and put them above his head onto the head board.  "Then you couldn't leave, and I'd be able to have my way with you constantly."

He laughed.  "Oh that sounds dreamy."  He broke his hands free, rolled her over onto her back, and pinned her arms above her head with one hand.  "I wouldn't try to escape either.  But then I couldn't do this."  He ran his free hand down her body, and then slowly raised her shirt running his hand over her bare stomach.  He smiled when she shivered.  "And you like it when I do that."

"You suck."  She said but she smiled at him.

"I might bite too."  He said as he kissed her and bit her lip.

She laughed at him.  "Oh I like it."  She closed her eyes when he kissed her passionately.  It was the first time since before that crazy night in Vegas they were able to be together.


	24. Chapter 24

  
A couple weeks later, Julie and Amanda were boarding their plane to go to visit Niall and Harry. They were going to meet in London for a few days, and then Niall was going to take Amanda to Ireland. Amanda had just hung up with Niall, and Julie was just saying her goodbyes to Harry as they were taking their seats.

"You know you should have told me about the mom plans before I actually got on the airplane Harry." Julie said lifting her carry on into the overhead bin.

"I know you too well. You would have argued and I wanted to make sure your ass got on the airplane." He laughed.

"Well you're in loads of trouble." She said as she slid into her seat.

"I like being punished by you." He laughed.

"Oh good lord. I have to go now and shut my phone off." She said as she started to get situated.

"Alright baby. I will see you in like 10 hours." He said. "I can't wait. And mum can't wait to meet you either."

"Oh shut up." She said pushing her bag under her seat. "Alright, see you soon. Love you." She said as she hung up the phone and turned it off. She sat up and got everything in its place.

Amanda just stared at Julie. She didn't even know what to say. She wasn't even sure Julie realized what just happened. Nope she didn't, at least not at first. She definitely did now though. She watched Julie look at her phone and then she watched Julie's eyes get really big.

"Oh my god." Julie exclaimed.

Amanda watched Julie drop her phone almost like it was burning her hands. She bent down and picked it up for her.

"Oh my god." Julie said again.

"So you've said." Amanda handed her phone back. The plane was starting to taxi. She watched Julie look around. "Nope, it's too late to get off." Amanda said trying not to laugh. She knew that's exactly what Julie was thinking.

"Amanda." Julie warned.

"Oh no you called me Amanda." She said again trying to mask her laughter.

"This is not funny." Julie warned again.

"The look on your face is pretty priceless." Amanda said a little laugh escaping.

"Shut the fuck up." Julie said. What did she do? How could she just let those words slip from her mouth. She had never said it to him before. She ended a lot of calls with those words, but not to Harry. She didn't even think. It just happened. What did that mean? And now there was at least a 10 hour plane ride to think about it. To ponder it. To worry about what he now thought. "Son of a bitch." She said out loud.

Amanda laughed out loud this time. Leave it to JJ to completely over react and think so deeply about it. She was convinced awhile ago Harry and JJ loved each other. She knew neither would admit it, but you could tell. Well at least she could. Or she wanted to believe it. When she brought it up to Niall though he wouldn't discuss it. Said she needed to stay out of it. Now that JJ slipped though, she was more convinced than ever. It was quite humorous though that once again she didn't realize it until after she said it.

"Well that was interesting." Harry said out loud but to himself.

"What was interesting?" Louis asked appearing behind him. They were doing radio interviews that afternoon and were in between interviews at the moment.

"I just got off the phone with Julie. She just got on the plane. She said something before she hung up I wasn't expecting." Harry said.

"What did she say?" He asked.

"I don't think she was thinking." He said still contemplating.

"Well what did she say?" Louis asked laughing.

"Love you." Harry said kind of laughing.

"I love you too Harry." Louis said joking.

"No she said...." He realized who he was talking to and laughed. "Yeah she probably wasn't even thinking."

"Has she ever said it before?" Louis asked.

"To me? Think about who we're talking about." He laughed. "I've heard her end other conversations with it. And she tells Amanda she loves her but no, she's never said it to me."

"Well?" Louis looked at him.

"Well what?" Harry asked.

Louis just gave him a look.

"I don't know Louis. I don't know." Harry said as they got ready to do another interview.

The plane was on its final decent into London and Amanda had yet to get JJ to discuss what happened earlier. She had slept some but she knew JJ didn't because every time she woke up JJ was awake staring out the window. "Ok time to talk to me and get out of your head."

"About what?" Julie asked.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

"I don't know what to say. I don't know why I said it. I was busy putting my things away and getting settled and saying goodbye at the same time and it just kind of came out. It wasn't a conscious decision." Julie said.

"Yeah I could tell by your reaction. Thing is I'm sure he heard it. And then you hung up and your phone has been turned off since. I know you've been thinking about it nonstop. So what's the conclusion?" She asked. "Do you love him?"

"I don't know." Julie said obviously conflicted.

"Do you really not know or just not sure you want to admit it?" Amanda asked.

Julie ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know that either."

"Do you think he loves you?" Amanda asked.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Julie asked. "I don't know Amanda, it seems so soon. He's still Harry Styles mega superstar I'm just, not, I just don't know."

"For someone thinking about something for over 10 hours you haven't come up with very many answers." Amanda laughed at her.

"Tell me about it." Julie said. "I thought about finding a parachute and jumping out the plane. The thought of seeing him right now is making me sick."

"I seriously doubt jumping out of the airplane would fix it. Not like he wouldn't come find you. You're afraid of his reaction? Really?" Amanda asked.

"He might not. Could be easier for him just to let me run this time. Yes, of course I am. I'm not even sure of my reaction. Part of me is glad I had to turn off my phone before he could respond, and part of me is upset I have to see him without discussing it. This whole thing with him always seems to be a conflict in my head." Julie said sighing.

"Gee, there's a surprise I don't think you're able to come to a conclusion without having a conflict. It's how that crazy brain of yours works. As much as it can be frustrating it's just you." Amanda said.

"You're never any help." Julie looked at her.

Amanda laughed. "I cannot tell you if you love him. And no matter what I think, it doesn't matter."

"Obviously I care a great deal for him. After all he's done for me over the past couple of months how could I not. But it's only been a couple of months. A LOT has happened. More than probably in relationships that last a long time. It's terrifying. Obviously you know why it would be terrifying. But what do I do? Part of me isn't sure if I just don't want to admit the answer, and the other part is wondering if I'm even capable of loving someone right now." Julie said.

"You're capable if you would just let yourself." Amanda said. "I know you don't believe it but you're a wonderful friend, a wonderful person. If you would stop being so hard on yourself, you might realize it."

"I've made many horrible decisions. So many mistakes. I don't trust my feelings." Julie admitted.

"Well there we go. You made A bad decision. HE was your bad decision. Everything else was because of HIM. Stop letting it affect everything you do. Take the power away from him. You might be surprised how freeing it is." Amanda said. She expected some sort of argument from JJ so she prepared herself.

"You might be right." Julie said unbuckling her seat belt when they landed.

"Wait? What? Could you say that again?" Amanda asked.

"No. I can't." Julie said standing up.

"I didn't figure you would. I'm glad to have you back friend." Amanda laughed. She took Julie's arm as they walked off the plane. "You ready for this?"

"Not in the least." Julie said. And she wasn't. She was terrified.

When the girls got close to leaving the terminal and walking through security they could see Harry and Niall standing there waiting. "Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick." Julie said hurrying to the nearest bathroom.

Amanda looked at Niall, laughed and shrugged. She followed her into the bathroom. "Are you ok?" She asked. She couldn't keep the humor out of her statement.

"No." Julie said.

Amanda cringed as she literally heard her get sick. "Pleasant."

Niall looked at Harry. "Um, do you have any idea what's going on?"

"I might have an idea. I'm guessing I know." He said.

"Care to share?" Niall asked.

"She ended our last conversation quickly, with the words "love you". By her reaction just now I've pretty much confirmed what I guessed, and that was she didn't realize it at the time." He shook his head.

Niall laughed. "Sorry, I shouldn't laugh but of course she's now freaking out. It is JJ we're talking about."

"Right." Harry said watching the door of the bathroom.

"Well, are you ok? Because honestly you don't seem all yourself either." He said.

"I was afraid of her reaction. I'm also not sure what to think. She had to shut her phone off before I could even react or call her back." He said.

"And now you're thinking about it, aren't you? Whether you love her or not?" Niall asked.

"Of course." Why deny it he thought. "Obviously I've heard you and Amanda say it, and you haven't known her or been with her much longer then Julie and I have been together. But our relationship is, well, a bit more complicated."

"Yeah don't I know it." Niall said. "I won't make you discuss it anymore. I will leave that to the two of you if she ever leaves the bathroom."

Julie finally came out of the stall and walked to the sink. She splashed water on her face and leaned on the sink.

"Are you ok? Seriously?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, I just, when I saw him, it just freaked me out. I wasn't even sure he'd show up after I just blurted that out. Maybe I was hoping he wouldn't. Now in the middle of the airport I have to deal with this." Julie said as she pushed herself off the sink. "Guess I have no choice though." She grabbed her bag.

"Love or not JJ, Harry adores you. I doubt a goodbye saying love you is going to chase him away." Amanda said walking out of the bathroom with her. JJ looked a little pale. She still couldn't believe that she was so freaked out about it. She remembered thinking JJ was afraid at the beginning Harry could never have the same feelings for her that she would have for him. She guessed she was right even to this day.

As soon as Amanda walked through the secure area Niall ran up and picked her up and swung her around. "It's about damn time." He said as he kissed her.

Amanda wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh tell me about it." She kissed him again.

Julie stepped around Niall and Amanda and looked at Harry. They were in the middle of an airport with a lot of people. She had to decide if this was it. If she went up to him now it would no longer be a secret. Everyone would find out she was with him. She looked around, there weren't a ton of people but all it took was just one picture.

Harry watched Julie hesitate. He knew she was contemplating the public encounter. He debated earlier whether he should show up at the airport. It was a lot. He knew it too. He decided to leave it up to her. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to deal with it.

Julie looked at Harry. All doubts left her mind when she looked in his eyes. No matter what, he's what she wanted now. No one else mattered. She walked directly up to him and when he wrapped his arms around her waist all was right. "Hi."

"Hi." He said. He looked in her eyes to determine if a kiss would be pushing his luck. When she kind of nodded her head he got the confirmation he needed. He leaned down and kissed her.

She put her hand on the side of his neck. She pulled back after a few seconds and stepped back.

He smiled at her. It was ok. No need for it to be any more than that. Not until they got alone. He took her bag from her hand and walked next to her. After a few steps he was caught off guard when he felt her take his hand. When she looked up at him to confirm it was ok he intertwined his fingers with hers and lead her out of the airport.

Amanda held onto Niall's arm and walked with him behind Harry and JJ. She smiled when JJ took Harry's hand. She was glad. Maybe JJ finally listened to her advice maybe she was finally ready to stop letting her past affect her present.

When they got to the parking garage she noticed Harry and Niall had both driven. She figured they would have come together and had a driver. "Ok so I guess we're going our separate ways." She pulled Julie into a hug and whispered to her. "It's gonna be ok." She stepped back and looked at her. "Love you, see you soon." She laughed when JJ just nodded. She couldn't even say it to her right now. She climbed into the passenger seat with Niall.

"I cannot wait to get you home." Niall said starting to drive out of the garage.

"I cannot wait to be in your home." Amanda said looking over at him.

"Time to compare my bed to yours." He said smiling at her.

"Oh yeah." She said laughing.

Julie took a deep breath and got into the passenger seat. She buckled up and looked out the window. She watched Niall's car drive through the crowd of people snapping pictures. She knew they were next. No backing out now.

"Guess we're not secret anymore." He said to her pulling out of the parking spot.

"Guess not." She said. She made the decision and she was ok with it she thought but this was still really hard to handle.

"You ok with that?" He asked.

"I have no doubts about being with you. If that means I deal with this. Then I deal with it. I just don't want to think about every action we take all the time. That doesn't mean I want to go out there and put it on display on purpose. But I want to be able to say hi to my boyfriend, when I get off an airplane, after not seeing him for weeks." She said. She did look down when they drove through the people taking pictures but when he took her hand she gladly accepted it.

"Let's go home." He said.

Amanda walked into Niall's house and looked around. It was amazing. She held onto his arms when he walked up behind her and wrapped her in them.

"Want the grand tour?" He asked her.

"How about we start with your bedroom?" She asked him.

"Oh I love the way you think." He said taking her hand and leading her up the stairs.

"How could I think of anything else walking back into your arms?" Amanda asked. When he opened the door to the bedroom she was amazed. "Wow. Look at this bed." She walked up to it.

"How about you feel the bed." He turned her to face him. He kissed her and then picked her up and threw her on the bed.

She laughed when she landed. "Feels good." She reached her arms out towards him.

He climbed on the bed and over to her. He pushed her gently backwards so she was laying on her back. "I never loved the view of my bed better." He leaned down and kissed her. He ran his hand under her shirt and over her stomach. He sat up and took his shirt off. He leaned down and kissed her stomach as he worked her shirt up over her head.

Amanda ran her hands over his back and down to the front of his stomach undoing his belt and button on his jeans. Before they knew it they were both completely void of clothing and making love in the satin sheets.

Julie walked into Harry's house when he opened the door for her. "Wow. This is. Huge."

He put her bags down and pulled her to him. He leaned down and kissed her. He didn't break the kiss for quite some time. When he finally did and they caught their breath he ran his thumb over her lips. "I have been waiting to do that since I saw you at the airport. I've missed you terribly." He ran his thumb over her cheek and temple by her eye. "No more black eye."

"Nope, no more black eye." She rested her hands on his arms as he still hadn't stepped back.

He looked at her wrist. "No more bruise?"

"No more bruise. On my hip either. All healed." She said.

He wrapped his arms around her waist. "And you love me?" He looked into her eyes and tightened his arms when she went to step back.

"Harry." She thought he was going to just let it go. She thought she had gotten away with it. She should have known better, he was always so perceptive when it came to her.

"Do you love me?" He asked again.

"I just, I was, I just ended the conversation. I honestly didn't even know I said it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to be like this." She stumbled she didn't know how to answer.

"I'm going to ask you one more time." He looked into her eyes again. "Do you love me?"

She could swear he was looking into her soul. The gaze was so intense she nearly had a panic attack. "I...I...I don't know."

"Julie, that's not an answer." He said. "Do you love me?" He wasn't going to let her off the hook. He wasn't sure he was going to bring it up. He wasn't sure he wanted the answer. Until he saw her again. Until he knew every action she was going to take before she did it.

She tried not to cry for a few minutes. She didn't know what to say. Or she didn't want to say it. What if she gave the wrong answer? What if she said yes and he wanted nothing to do with it? What if she said no and he didn't like that either? Honest. Just be honest. What was the answer? She put her hands over her face. She could still feel him staring at her.

"Ok I will ask again. And again. Until you answer me." He said. "I know you and I know you've been thinking about it from the moment you said it. So, Julie, do you love me?"

"Harry, I don't want to answer." She avoided his eyes.

"I know but I need you too. Please." He whispered to her.

She raised her eyes to his. She could basically see them pleading with her to answer. "Yes." She said.

"Yes?" He asked. He had gotten his answer. Now what should he do with that answer. He thought he would know right away. He didn't.

"I don't want to do this." She pulled away. She sensed his hesitation and it hurt. She didn't want it too but it did.

"No, don't please." He said pulling her back to his arms.

"I'm not asking you to say it. But you pushed me to answer and then you have nothing to say. I don't know what to do with that. I'm sorry I said it. Honestly, I didn't even think about it. I end all my other phone conversations that way. I don't talk to many people on the phone. But do I love you? Yes. As much as I know about love. I know I love my family and Amanda. I know I would lose my mind if anything happened to them or if they were hurt in anyway. And I feel that same way about you. I don't even know if I would know what being IN love is." She pulled away again.

He let her go. He watched her stand at his window. Why did he hesitate? She's been in his house for like 15 minutes and it seemed right watching her at his window. He wanted to see her there. Maybe he was caught off guard she said it first. He didn't know. Knowing her though would she believe him now that he hesitated? Guess there was no time like now to find out. He walked up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist. He took a deep breath when she didn't react to him at all. She usually put her hands on his arms when he did that, but she didn't move. He felt a tear drop fall onto his arm. Why did he have to hurt her? "Can I tell you something?" When she didn't say anything he continued. "You scare me." He whispered.

"I scare you?" She turned and looked at him exasperated. "How the hell do I scare you?"

He cupped her cheek in his hand. "Because I believe I've loved you from the first time we said goodbye. Maybe you're right. Maybe this is a simple kind of love right now. But there is no doubt that what you just explained I've felt for a very long time."

She slowly raised her eyes to his. The tears ran onto her cheeks. "Why do we have to be so difficult?"

He laughed as a tear escaped onto his cheek. "That I have no answer for." He took her hand. He led her to his bedroom and opened the door. "This is where I want you."

"In your bedroom?" She asked walking to the bed and taking off her shoes.

He laughed. "Well obviously. But mostly in my house. As much as you can be."

She climbed on his bed and stood on it. "This bed is huge." She started jumping up and down.

He raised his eyebrows and laughed at her. "What are you doing?"

"Checking to make sure its sturdy enough for what's about to happen." She looked at him. She shook the thought of him and anyone else in the bed that suddenly hit her.

"And what exactly is going to happen." He asked as he slowly made his way to the bed.

"I'm about to make love to my boyfriend. And the marathon we had when I left the East Coast and what happened when I got to Vegas are going to pale in comparison." She said watching his reaction.

"Oh good god." He said. He tackled her onto the bed. He laid over her looking her in the eyes. He laughed when she pushed him over and straddled his waist. Why did they have to be so difficult? Because there were no doubts how much this girl meant to him. He reached up and took her shirt up over her head and threw it on the floor.

The way he looked at her gave her butterflies. Oh she definitely loved this man. She hoped he meant it when he said he loved her too. Whatever type of love it is. But the feeling of it right now was all she needed. She raised his shirt and worked it off over his head. She was serious. They were not going to leave this bed for a very long time.


	25. Chapter 25

Julie and Harry walked into Niall's house when he opened the door the next morning.  "Sorry Niall, I don't mean to disturb you guys but I'd like to give Amanda her birthday present if that's ok.  I wanted her to have it before tonight."  Julie said to him.

Niall kissed her cheek and hugged her.  "Of course.  It's no bother.  She's in the shower now though.  How are you?  We kinda booked out of the airport didn't even get to really talk."

"I'm good.  Seems kind of surreal still, that I'm in London.  Never even dreamed that would ever happen to me.  Let alone with the two hottest guys on the planet."  Julie smiled at him.

"Wow.  Listen to you.  This England air must be messing with your head."  Niall laughed.

"Maybe.  But it's true none the less."  She laughed as he walked them to the living room and they sat on the couch.

Niall sat next to her and put his arm around her.  "I missed you too, ya know.  I haven't gotten to tell you I hate you for quite some time."

Harry grabbed Niall's arm from around her and pulled him up, he then walked him over to the chair and sat him down.  He went back and sat next to Julie.  "I'm telling you two right now you need to cut that out."

Niall laughed.  "Oh the jealousy.  I seem to recall you kissing my girlfriend in LA."

"Only because mine told me too."  Harry said.

"Oh good lord you two."  Julie rolled her eyes.  She stood up when Amanda came into the room.  "Happy Birthday Bestie!!!"  She went over and hugged her.  She took her hand and walked her over to the couch.  "I wanted to bring you your present first.  Before Niall shows me up."  She handed her a wrapped box.

"You didn't have to get me a present."  She slowly started to unwrap it.

"Oh, it's nothing much.  It might even be quite corny so I'm sorry about that.  Besides money might be a little tight since, oh, I don't know, we ran off on our responsibilities to hang out with cute boys."  She shrugged.

Amanda laughed.  "It really is good to have you back smartass."

Harry shook his head and laughed.  "Seriously.  Welcome back."

Niall laughed.  "She's calling us cute though.  I will take it."

Julie watched Amanda open the box.  It was a Best Friends picture frame.  Inside the frame was the very first picture they had ever had taken together.  The day they moved into their apartment.  Next to the picture Amanda saw a poem.  She could tell it was written in Julie's notebook and carefully removed and placed inside the frame.  The poem read:

From the moment we met everything fell into place  
Whenever I'm down I just have to look at your face  
You help me up whenever I fall  
You never question my complete confusion at all  
You're beautiful and kind and full of love  
It's like you're my angel watching from above  
You accept my crazy, my fear and my pain  
You get me through the storm and the rain  
I can't imagine living my life without you  
So thank you best friend for all that you do

It was signed.  All my love always and forever.  Happy 22nd Birthday.  Your bestie, Always.  JJ.

"JJ."  Was all Amanda could say.  She just kept staring at the frame and its contents.

"Yeah.  Again, sorry it's corny.  But Happy Birthday.  And I love you."  Julie said shrugging her shoulders.

Amanda looked up at JJ.  The tears were streaming down her face.  She still didn't have words to express the way she was feeling.

Julie stood up.  "That bad?  Sorry."

"Oh god no!"  Amanda pulled JJ back down to the couch.  She hugged her which knocked her into Harry.  Amanda then took JJ's face in her hands and covered it with kisses.

"Panda!"  Julie said trying to sit back up.

"It...is...the....best...gift....ever!"  Amanda said.

"Ok! Ok! Ok!"  Julie said trying to escape.

Amanda finally let her go.  "If that is what you write in that damn notebook how come you don't let everyone see?"

"It's no big deal.  Really."  Julie said getting uncomfortable and standing up.  "I'm glad you like it though."

"Like it?  I LOVE it!"  Amanda said standing up and hugging her again.  "But I want to read more now.  Why don't you let anyone?"

"I don't want to talk about it, especially today."  Julie said.  She kissed Amanda's cheek and then stepped back.  "We're going to leave now.  Will see you later tonight."  She reached her hand out to Harry.

Harry took it to stand up.  He grabbed Amanda into a great big hug.  He held her there for a while.  "Happy Birthday beautiful!  Hope you have a super day."  He kissed her quick and then stepped back.

"Thanks, Harry."  Amanda said hugging Julie again.  "And thanks again for the best present.  We will talk later."

"Ugh what is it with you people and talking.  Let's play the game who can be quietest the longest."  Julie said.

"No, you'd win that game hands down.  That's not a fair game."  Amanda said laughing.  "See you tonight and remember you have to wear what I packed.  And no looking until you put it on."

"I never agreed to that."  Julie said.  "You just assumed I would."

"It is my birthday and you would never disappoint me on my birthday."  Amanda pouted.

"Oh shut up."  Julie said walking to the door.

"Love you, JJ!"  Amanda yelled as JJ and Harry were walking out the door.

"Love you too."  Julie said.  "Hate you Niall."

"Hate you too.  See you later."  Niall said shutting the door behind them.  
Niall wrapped Amanda in his arms.  "Well that was a nice surprise.  Who knew JJ could be so sentimental."

"I did.  I knew she has a big heart she just doesn't show it.  I have guesses as to why but that's for another time."  Amanda said.  The tears started flowing again.  "I'm just so glad she showed me what she wrote.  She opened up something she's hidden for so long.  I'm just so glad."

"For you, Amanda, I think that girl would do just about anything."  Niall said kissing her.  "I think that you completely saved that girl from self-destruction."

Amanda started crying harder.  "Geez.  If this is how today is gonna go I might run out of tears."

"Well, it's true.  It's my turn to give you your gift.  Weird I'm the song writer and I didn't think to write you something like that."  Niall laughed.  He took her hand and sat her back down in the front.  He handed her a small beautifully wrapped box.  "Happy Birthday Princess."

Amanda took a deep breath.  For some reason she had a feeling she would just keep crying.  Probably even harder.  She took her time and carefully unwrapped it.  She opened the box and pulled out the necklace.  It was custom made from Tiffany's.  It was in the shape of a guitar.  Which was perfect enough.  When she looked at the face of the guitar it was engraved with the words "My Princess".  When she flipped it over she saw N & A with a heart.  She was right the tears flowed even harder.  She looked up at him.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."  He squatted down in front of her.

"How could I not cry?  It's the most amazing gift ever.  It's beautiful, first of all, and then it's so personal and the fact you took the time to have it made custom for me.  Oh my god.  What a perfect birthday so far."

"And it's only just begun."  Niall said standing up.  "We have reservations for dinner at 7.  That gives us a couple of hours before we have to leave."  He took the necklace from her hands and put it around her neck.  He took the guitar in his hands.  "It looks even better in its place."  He kissed her.  "I love you.  Happy Birthday."

"I love you too."  Amanda said trying to stop the tears.  "I don't think I'm ever going to stop crying.  Damn you and JJ."

Niall laughed.  "It's only because we love you."  He kissed her again and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

Amanda stepped back and grabbed his hand walking backwards pulling him with her.  "I'm taking you to your room.  For making me cry."

"Oh please, punish me."  He said laughing.  He followed her willingly.  He was glad they had late dinner reservations.

Harry walked into his house after he let Julie in.  He threw his keys on the table and walked into his living room.  He watched Julie standing at the window looking out again.  She was quiet on the way home too.  He walked behind her and put his arms around her waist.  He smiled when she put her hands on his arms.  That's how it was supposed to go.  "You ok?"

"Yeah."  She leaned back against him.  "I'm good.  Feels good to have an ocean between me and my problems.  Least for a little while."

"Huh.  I never thought about it like that."  He picked her up and took her to the couch.  "How about you let me spoon with you for a little while."  He wrapped her in his arms.

"I thought you liked to be the little spoon."  Julie teased.

Harry laughed.  "Yeah, well, not when it comes to protecting you.  I want to wrap you up and keep you safe."

She cuddled into him as close as she could.  "I've always been pretty independent.  Pretty strong.  I never counted on anyone besides myself.  I blame you for making me soft.  Cuz this is the only place I want to be."

"Soft isn't exactly how I would describe you, love."  Harry laughed.

"Wow.  This whole love thing.  Once it starts...."  Julie started.

"Yeah get used to it."  Harry said.  "It's not a bad thing."

"No, it's not."  Julie took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "But it is rather intimidating."

"Only to you love, only to you."  He kissed her.  "I think there's nothing better."

"I'm trying."  Julie said playing with Harry's fingers.  Seemed to be a lazy habit of hers.

"I know you are.  I'm not complaining.  I never dreamed you would tell me you loved me first.  So I'm taking it and running."  Harry said.

"You don't seem to be getting very far."  Julie said closing her eyes.

"I'm running with you.  Wherever it takes us."  He laid his head back and closed his eyes.  Before either knew it, they were asleep in each other's arms.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature Chapter

Niall walked Amanda into The Ledbury. A posh 5-star restaurant in London. Very high class. Very beautiful. He pulled out her chair for her to sit down. They were in a private section of the restaurant but it was still visible by the other patrons. He sat across from Amanda and reached for her hand over the table. "Have I mentioned how incredibly beautiful you look tonight my love?"

"Only about a million times." Amanda smiled. "But I can't ever get enough of it. So please don't stop."

"I never will." Niall said as he ordered one of their best bottles of champagne. "I hope you're having a great birthday."

"Are you kidding? It's unbelievable. Being in London with my boyfriend, the beautiful gift you gave me." Amanda played with the guitar around her neck. "And JJ's gift. What else could I ask for?"

"I don't know but I sure would do whatever I could to make sure you got it." Niall said.

"Man, remind me to thank your mother when I meet her for teaching you how to treat women." Amanda laughed.

"I'm sure she would appreciate the compliment." Niall laughed. "I have one more gift for you though." He pulled out another small box and handed it to her.

"This is completely unnecessary, Niall. I've already gotten so much." Amanda said.

"It is necessary. Just open it." Niall said.

Amanda slowly unwrapped the box and opened it. She pulled out a guitar pick.

Niall explained. "That's my lucky guitar pick. I've kept it on me for luck since the band started. I want you to have it now, and keep it safe. I don't feel I need it anymore because being with you I feel like the luckiest man in the world. I don't need any other good luck charm. I want you to have to it show you and remind you of that whenever I have to be away from you." He looked at her hoping his feelings came across in what he just said and his actions.

Amanda couldn't speak for a moment. This guy was too much. The tears were flowing again. She honestly didn't think she could have any more tears. "Niall. Oh my god. You have to stop making me cry." She looked up at him. "This gift, what you just said, I don't even have words. My heart literally is so happy. You are the most amazing man ever." She stood up and went over and sat on his lap. "I'm the lucky one. I love you." She kissed him.

He wrapped his arms around her and looked in her eyes after the kiss. "When it's right, it's easy. This is all easy. I want nothing more than for you to have the best day ever. You're birthday and every other day, ever."

She kissed him again. She didn't care where they were. This was definitely the best birthday ever. How did she get so lucky?

They ordered and had an amazing dinner together. They took their time and talked about everything. From morning through dinner was completely amazing. Amanda was overwhelmed and so happy. And it still wasn't over. She now got to go hang with her boyfriend and two best friends in a club in London. She thought it before, but she kept thinking this could not possibly be her life. She wasn't going to question it though because it was the best thing ever.

Harry and Julie walked into the club to meet Amanda and Niall. They were a bit late as neither woke up when they were supposed to. Julie reasoned it's because since he left LA she hadn't been able to sleep well. She missed him and she didn't feel quite as safe without him there.

Harry just reasoned he would always sleep better knowing she was with him and safe so he didn't have to worry.

Amanda ran up to them when they came into the VIP area of the club. "I thought you would never get here!" She hugged Julie and then Harry.

"Sorry, seriously fell asleep and didn't wake up until about an hour ago. I never sleep like that." Julie said.

"Except when you're with Harry." Amanda laughed.

"Well, sometimes when I'm with Harry, not all the time." Julie shook her head. "Never mind I know what you're now thinking and that's not what I meant."

Amanda laughed. "You're right, I was going to say I know what you do when you're not sleeping. But will let it go. I know what you really meant. What do you think of the outfit I bought for her?" She asked Harry.

He laughed. "I haven't seen it yet. She put the jacket on before she came out and hasn't removed it yet."

"Oh Jesus JJ." Amanda shook her head.

"I keep wondering if you people seriously know how to buy something that contains all its material." Julie said.

Amanda pulled the tie on Julie's jacket and untied it. "I know you look incredible. It goes great with mine."

Julie gave up. She wasn't going to win. She took the long jacket from her shoulders. "You will always look better in dresses like this." The jacket went almost to her ankles. The dress however was short and hugged her body tightly. It had a strap over one shoulder and strapless on the other side. The only thing she liked about it was that it was black. And she loved her silver strappy heels. At least Amanda picked shoes well. Amanda's dress was very similar but different enough so it didn't seem like they were trying to match. It was short and tight but it was a brilliant red and the thin strap tied around her neck. "You of course look absolutely stunning." She reached out and touched the new necklace. "And your boyfriend is brilliant. Knew he would show me up."

"Not true. He did an amazing job. But I couldn't have asked for a better gift from you either. I've had the most perfect birthday ever." Amanda said hugging Julie again.

"Well, one more present." Harry said handing a box to Amanda. "I couldn't resist." He watched Amanda open the box and pull out a hoodie that said Mama Bear on it. "It's for always protecting my girl always looking out for her and never turning away." He leaned down and kissed and hugged her. "Happy Birthday."

"Oh sweet Jesus, you people need to stop making me cry." Amanda said wiping her eyes. Even though it was a humorous gift what he said to her was sweet, and meant the world to her. "I never knew I could cry so much and I'm a crier. I never thought I'd say this but I hope I don't get any more gifts. Thank you Harry."

Harry watched Amanda walk over to Niall to show him the shirt. He watched Niall laugh. It was him after all that called her Mama Bear. He sure was glad Julie had Amanda. He looked down at Julie. "Um, you look so amazing. Super sexy. If it wasn't Amanda's birthday I'd take you right home. There's no way I'm letting you out of my sight. I'd be fighting off every man in the club."

Julie rolled her eyes. "Seriously? You don't think that may be a bit of an exaggeration?"

"Not in the least." He kissed her and walked her over to Amanda and Niall.

Amanda immediately took Julie's hand and took her to the bar. She ordered them each a drink and a shot. Time to celebrate. They didn't go out much together, and they rarely drank together, other than a glass or two of wine every now and then. Once they finished the first shot she immediately got another.

Niall laughed when Harry walked up. "Nice shirt. Stealing my ideas."

"Yeah, well, when I saw it; it reminded me of that night. I thought it was fitting." He said hugging Niall. "Good day then?"

"Yeah, everything went perfectly. She seems to have enjoyed everything she's gotten and dinner and now the club. And have you seen her? She looks incredible." Niall said looking over at her and Julie.

"Yes, she does. And apparently, she picked out Julie's dress too. Neither could look better but could be problematic." Harry shook his head.

"Don't I know it. We've joked about it before but why do I have a feeling all eyes are going to be on them?" Niall said.

"Because it's starting already." Harry laughed.

"Damn them." Niall said. He watched the girls at the bar. They were now on their third shot and second drink. He saw eyes drift towards them from most people around them. They seemed oblivious though. Of course they did. Neither would ever understand how beautiful they really were. "Hate to bring out this pun. But they don't know they're beautiful do they?"

Harry laughed. "Yeah crappy pun, but it's true. They don't."

"Um, I've never seen either drink like this. Or much at all. Do you have a feeling we are going to be carrying them to the car tonight?" Niall shook his head as he watched them laughing hysterically and ordering another shot and drink at the bar.

"Yeah guess it's our turn to do the babysitting. I remember the night of your birthday. Maybe it was us drunk but it was a great night." Harry laughed. "I'm hoping for another."

"So you want to take advantage of your drunk girlfriend." Niall laughed.

"Drunk, sober, it doesn't matter." Harry chuckled.

"I know the feeling. Oh we are in so much trouble with these two." Niall said.

Amanda kept Julie at the bar for quite some time. They had 4 shots and 2 drinks. They were laughing and joking around and having a great time. "I'm so happy you're here. London would be great anytime but to have you here with me and to celebrate with me. Nothing better."

"Cept Niall Horan." Julie said taking another drink.

"I don't know. You're just as beautiful." Amanda said winking.

"I may look better in the dress." Julie said.

"Oh hell yeah. You're hot." Amanda said. "If I didn't have a boyfriend....."

Julie laughed. "Same. You know I love you."

"Oh great song!" Amanda grabbed Julie's hand and pulled her to the dance floor. "Dance with me." They danced for about 5 songs in a row. Stealing drinks in between. They were definitely on an alcohol high. They didn't have a care in the world.

Harry and Niall sat back and watched. A few times they thought about interrupting but they didn't. They liked seeing the girls have fun. They were getting slightly concerned at the amount of alcohol that was being consumed however it wasn't causing any harm yet. A few times they thought they were going to have to step in when guys got too close, but whenever a guy hit on either, the other girl would step in; they weren't letting any guy come between the two of them having fun together.

"It's getting really hot in here." Julie said. The alcohol was definitely running through her veins. "I need a break." She sat down at the stool at the bar and took a big drink of the frozen drink she had just gotten. She wrapped her arms around Amanda's waist when she climbed on her lap.

"I'm having so much fun. We should do this more often." Amanda said wrapping her arm around Julie's shoulder. "I think we all should spend the night together tonight."

"Um, I don't know about you, but I think there are certain things I'd rather do to my boyfriend tonight, alone." Julie said laughing.

"Oh, there's always time for that. What about me? It's my birthday." Amanda said.

"I'm sure you'd rather have Niall do things to you. Not me." Julie said. She had her hand on Amanda's thigh, who was still sitting on her lap.

"But I love you." Amanda said.

"I love you, too." Julie said. When I kissed a girl came on the girls busted up laughing. Julie gladly went with Amanda to the dance floor. They danced close. Spun each other around. When the last chorus came on they kissed. Maybe a little longer than they would have if they were sober. But still nothing more than innocent.

Harry and Niall looked at each other. The alcohol was definitely making the girls decision making a little off right now. They weren't sure if they should step in just yet. Take them home. They decided they would watch closer but let them have a little more fun.

After a few more drinks, and a few more songs, the girls spun each other around and wound up bumping into two guys they noticed were watching them most of the night. It was an accident but basically ended up in their arms steadying the girls onto their feet.

"Oops. Sorry." Julie said looking up at the guy.

"Yeah, our bad." Amanda said also looking up.

"Hey no problem, hot girls falling into our arms is never a bad thing." One said.

The girls giggled. They still were a little embarrassed to be called hot by strange guys. They looked at each other when the guys still hadn't let go.

Harry and Niall stood up. Fun with each other was one thing but they wouldn't stand for them being in the arms of other guys. They started over to where the girls were.

Amanda stepped back first. She grabbed Julie by the arm. "Yeah, well, sorry guys she's all mine tonight. No time for you." She pulled Julie to her so their bodies were crushed together. She ran her hands down her back and over her ass.

Julie had to put her hands on Amanda's waist when Amanda pulled her to her. She was trying to gather her thoughts, but the alcohol was seriously messing with her brain. She had never been this drunk. She had never had this much to drink. It was all a bit confusing. She looked at Amanda when she felt her hands on her ass. "Um, Panda."

"You are hot tonight you know. Eyes have been on you all night. Men women everyone." Amanda told her.

"Wow." She looked in Amanda's eyes. What the hell was going on. She was having a hard time comprehending everything. Her eyes wandered to Amanda's lips. She reached up and ran her thumb over them. She didn't know what she was doing but it all seemed ok at the moment. "You have the softest lips."

"Wanna feel them again? I wanna kiss you. For real this time." Amanda put her hand on the side of Julie's neck. She pulled her to her and kissed her. This kiss was a lot more than some quick innocent friend kiss.

Julie was caught off guard when Amanda started kissing her like that. But slowly she closed her eyes and raised her hand to the side of Amanda's neck and kissed her back.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Harry exclaimed as him and Niall stopped dead in their tracks.

"This is getting fucking ridiculous." Niall said. "We need to take them home now."

"Agreed." Harry said. They were so caught off guard it took them a minute to start back over to the girls.

When Julie and Amanda broke the kiss they both stared at each other.

"Come home with me?" Amanda said to Julie.

Julie touched her own lips. What was that? She had never done anything like that. The feeling was so different. "I...wow....Panda." She was completely blown away that a kiss from her best girlfriend could make her feel that way. And completely conflicted.

"Come on. It will be fun." Amanda said running her hand down Julie's arm.

"No. What the fuck is happening here." Niall said interrupting them.

Amanda intertwined her fingers with Julie's when her hand reached Julie's hand. "Playing with my best friend." She pulled Julie over to the table sat down in one of the chairs the guys just vacated and pulled Julie onto her lap. She placed her hand on Julie's thigh. "Want another drink, love?"

"No, she doesn't." Harry said. He was still reeling over what was happening. He took Julie's arm and gently pulled her off Amanda's lap. "It's time to go home. More than enough alcohol has been consumed by both of you."

"Still trying to break us apart huh?" Amanda said standing up a little wobbly. "Told ya Harry it won't ever happen."

"Amanda." Niall said taking her hand and looking at her. "I really think it's time to go home. Separately from JJ and Harry."

"Why?" Amanda said. "I wanna bring her home with me."

Julie looked up at Harry and then over at Amanda. She was pretty sure this was not supposed to be so confusing. It's like her head was all murky. She couldn't even think at all. She didn't know why, but she went over and threw her arms around Amanda's neck and rested her head on her shoulder.

"See, I should take her home." Amanda said.

"You both need to stop. And you need to stop now." Niall said. "We know you two are close but if it wasn't for all the alcohol this would not be happening."

"What the fuck?" Harry couldn't help it. This was too much at the moment. The girls always joked, always kissed each other quickly. He was used to them being close and cuddling but that kiss he witnessed was not that. "Seriously, this isn't funny anymore. It's past time to go. We should have stopped you two from drinking a long time ago." When they both looked at him he knew he made a mistake. He should have never said it like that.

"You don't get to stop us from doing anything we want to do. We are grown ass women who can make our own decisions." Amanda said. "And right now I'm taking her with me and if you don't like it then we will find a hotel."

"Julie." Harry said. "Please."

"Amanda, come on. Think about this please." Niall said.

"Amanda. I just, I love you, more than anything. But I'm just, I'm so confused." Julie said to her.

"I know, love. I just want to make sure you're safe and happy. And no one means that more than I do." Amanda said.

"I know." Julie bit her bottom lip. She looked up at Amanda. "But maybe we should just say goodnight and go home with them?" She was asking Amanda for confirmation. She wasn't even sure why she was debating going anywhere other than with Harry.

"Yeah, maybe. But..." Amanda started. She didn't get to finish. Julie kissed her again. Both girls put both hands in each other's hair. It was confusing and it was almost like it needed to happen again to break the fog.

Neither Harry nor Niall could take it anymore. They broke them apart.  
"Let's go Amanda. This is way too much for me to handle right now." Niall said. Grabbing Amanda's jacket. "Harry, JJ." He just shook his head. What the hell was going on. He took Amanda's hand and led her to the door. Amanda tried to go back to say goodbye to Julie one more time but Niall wasn't going to let it happen. He couldn't take any more of that.

Julie closed her eyes and shook her head. She didn't even know what was happening. She opened her eyes and went to the table to take another drink.

Harry grabbed the glass from her hand. "Yeah I think we're done with that tonight. You've had more than enough. I think you're beyond drunk."

"I am not. Why would you say that?" She looked up at him steadying herself with her hands on his stomach.

"Why? Do you not realize you just made out with your best friend in the middle of a club? Not just a kiss, Julie." Harry said grabbing her jacket. "It's time to go home." He wrapped her jacket around her and tied it shut in front. Not only was the thing with Amanda getting to him but everyone else's eyes on her was too much.

Julie ran her hands under his shirt, and over his stomach, and up his chest. "Home huh? Your bed?"

He removed her hands from under his shirt. "And I'm pretty sure a sober you would not even be doing that to me in the middle of a club. Please don't fight me. Let's just go." He took her hand and led her to the door. He got her buckled in and started driving. His mind was all over the place. He knew she was drunk but what the hell was that make out session with Amanda about.

"Are you mad at me?" Julie asked him taking off her shoes. "Don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm completely caught off guard as to what just happened though." He said glancing at her.

"I don't want you mad. I just want you." She said reaching over the console and running her hand up his leg to his zipper.

He stopped her hand. "Julie I'm driving here."

"I can do all the work." She said unbuckling her seat belt and getting on her knees facing him.

"Sit down. Dammit Julie put your seat belt back on." He said gently pushing her back into her seat.

"Don't you want me?" She asked him moving her jacket and taking his hand and running it up her leg and up her very short dress.

Oh good god, she was going to get them killed. "Of course I do. But not while I'm driving and could get us in an accident. Never question the fact I want you. In every way. And when we get home we can start this conversation again. But for now. Sit down and behave. I'm begging you."

Julie crossed her arms and pouted. "Fine. I get it. You don't want me."

He sighed. He reached over her grabbed the seat belt and buckled her back in. He would deal with this when they got back to his house. Drunk Julie may even prove more difficult than sober Julie. Maybe he should have let Amanda take her home. Yeah, maybe not. Damn her though for getting him worked up when he had to drive them safely home. Drunk or not. Make out session with her best friend or not. Her touch drove him crazy. She would always get the reaction she wanted from him, and right now that was proving very troublesome.

Niall walked Amanda into the house. He was still overwhelmed at what he just witnessed. He felt like he should be mad but that's not what he felt. He was definitely confused. Those two. They drove him insane, but he couldn't imagine not having them around. He turned and helped Amanda take her jacket off. He hung it up and looked down at her hands when he felt her arms wrap around him from behind and her hands found his stomach.

"Take me to bed?" She asked him.

He turned so he was facing her. "You're driving me crazy tonight, love. I don't know what to think."

She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"Kissing JJ like that. I should be mad. It drives me mad. It's so confusing. I joked before but that kiss tonight, those kisses..." He shook his head.

She ran her hands over his stomach. "Shouldn't we just focus on us right now?" She unbuttoned his pants.

He closed his eyes and put his head back. "You drive me crazy." He looked down at her. They would have to deal with what happened that night. But he was completely turned on. Why did it make him so hot seeing them together when it should anger him that they kissed like that? He grabbed her neck and pulled her to him and kissed her. Roughly. When she ran her hands over his stomach and then undid his zipper he lost his cool. He pushed her up against the wall.

Amanda slid his jacket off his shoulders and his shirt up over his head. She kissed his neck and down his shoulder to his chest. She slid his jeans and boxers down his waist.

Niall took her hands and pinned them above her head with one hand. He worked the skirt up over her hips and removed her panties. He pulled her legs up around his waist and entered her. He kissed her jawline and her neck.

Amanda put her head back against the wall. Oh he felt so good. She closed her eyes when he thrust harder and harder into her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned forward and kissed him deeply. She was on the verge of finishing. She wrapped her legs tighter around his waist. "Oh god! Please never stop." She leaned her head back again. It felt completely amazing.

Niall put his hands on her hips and pulled her as hard to him as he could. The feeling was overwhelming. He hoped he wasn't hurting her against the wall but the feeling of them moving together was so intense. He pushed into her as hard as he could as quickly as he could and could tell she was ready to explode. When she screamed his name and tightened her legs around him as hard as she could he couldn't take anymore. He exploded into her. He could barely move but wanted to bring her as much pleasure as he could. He kept slowly moving inside her until he felt her completely collapse against him. When she removed her legs from around his waist he didn't put her down. He wrapped his arms around her waist and carried her to his room. He was determined to do that again. Even though he wasn't sure how he would be able too after that. He put her feet on the floor and removed her dress completely. He turned her around and stood behind her. He ran his hands over her breasts and down her stomach. He ran his hand over her and teased her with his fingers.

"Oh god Niall. Oh god. Don't tease. Not fair." She said closing her eyes and leaning back against him.

"I want to bring you higher than you've ever been. I wanna see you." He said. He slowly moved his fingers gently around rubbing her breast with the other hand.

"You always make me feel...." Amanda had to stop. She was completely overwhelmed by the feeling. "Amazing. I can't take much more of the teasing. Baby...please."

Niall wasn't ready to stop. Not just yet. The feeling it gave him to feel her body basically begging to be satisfied was empowering. He wanted to wait for the perfect moment. He was ready though. He started rubbing her harder and when she groaned in pleasure he turned her around and pushed her back on the bed. He thrust into her hard and quick. It wasn't long before they were both coming down from the high of that. He held her close to him. He kissed her head and she passed out on his shoulder. What a feeling. He still had lots of questions about that night. But he didn't have any about the feeling this girl gave him and that he loved her. He fell asleep quickly after the workout they just had.

"Oh my god I'm so hot." Julie said as Harry pulled into his parking garage. She pulled the hair off her neck and fanned her face. "What the hell." She untied her jacket and took it off as she got out of the car. Harry walked up behind her and put his hand on her open door. As she bent over to pick her shoes up off the floor of the car her dress slid up leaving very little of her butt covered. She was not in the right frame of mind to worry about it though.

Harry noticed immediately. No matter what happened that night she looked amazing. When she stood up, turned around, and bumped into him he put his hands on her hips. "Can we talk about me wanting you now that it wouldn't get us killed?" He asked.

"No." She put her hands on his waist and kind of moved him out of her way. She stepped around him and walked towards the door.

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Julie. Come on."

"I don't want to talk." She said as she tried to open the door. Every little thing was more difficult than normal. She was drunk. "Help?"

He walked over and opened the door for her. He grabbed her when she practically fell inside. He pulled her back to him.

"Ugh. Sorry. I think I'm drunk." She said steadying herself, or at least trying too.

He couldn't help but laugh. "You think?"

"Yeah, sorry." She walked a little further into the house. She turned to look at him. She moved the strap of her dress off her shoulder and her dress started to slowly slide down her body.

"What are you doing?" He asked stepping towards her.

"I don't want to talk. I want you to show me you want me." She said. She could still feel the uncomfortable, shy side but she didn't care. She wanted him badly, and she was going to get him one way or another.

He was slightly shocked at her dropping her dress in the middle of his living room, but he wasn't complaining. They had to deal with her make out session with Amanda, but the alcohol definitely lowered her inhibitions. Took away her fear, and her thoughts of needing to be in complete control. And she turned him on. He wanted her. No doubts about that. When he finally got to her he ran his hand down her arm helping the strap fall from her arm. He helped the dress fall to the floor. When she stepped from the dress and started unbuttoning his shirt running her fingers down his stomach he took a sharp breath. Oh yes this would be another incredible night.

Julie put her hands on his belt; she bit her lip and looked up at him. "But if you don't want me. It's ok." She stepped back.

"Oh don't you tease." He stepped close to her again. "That's mean. And I can tease too." He said as he very gently ran his fingers over her cheek down her neck and over her chest. When her body trembled he smiled. "Teasing isn't nice is it?"

She tried to compose herself. She undid his belt, button and zipper and slid her hand down his pants. She let her fingers brush him gently a few times. "I think, maybe, I might be better at it." She felt him harden but still wouldn't let her hand do anything other than brush him lightly.

"Oh Christ." This was so not her but she was getting to him good.

She ran her hand around his waist band to his ass. She slowly lowered his pants and boxers. She helped him step from them. She stepped back again. "Could just leave you there. Just like that." She yawned purposely. "I'm tired." She stretched her arms over her head and hid her smile when he watched her chest intently.

"Don't know how you could ever question how much I want you." He stepped towards her.

"You still haven't shown me." She said cocking her head to the side.

In two long strides he was in front of her. He grabbed her and yanked her to him roughly. He crushed his lips to hers. He picked her up and went to the couch. He set her on her feet and sat down. He ran his fingers over her hips. He never took his eyes off hers when she straddled his lap. He reached up and put his hand behind her neck when she placed herself right over him. When she paused letting herself barely touch his tip he clenched his teeth. She needed to stop teasing him. He took his other hand and pulled her down hard onto him. They both gasped as it was rough and a little painful. They sat still for a minute just looking in each other's eyes.

Julie started to move slowly. Her head was confused and murky and it was hard to think clearly. She put her hands on each side of his neck. She leaned down and right before their lips touched she whispered. "I love you, Harry. There are no doubts." She kissed him never taking her eyes from his. As he deepened the kiss she finally closed her eyes.

Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly too him as they came together. It took them a long time to finish and come down from the high. He moved her slightly back from him and searched her eyes. He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "I am in love with you Julie. There are no doubts."

She kissed his thumb and whispered quietly. "Take me to bed. I need you again."

"Then you shall have me again. And again. Until you no longer want me." He said picking her up and carrying her to bed.

"That will never happen." She watched him as he laid over her.

"Then you never have to worry." He said as he kissed her. This time they made love. Slowly, gently, and passionately.


	27. Chapter 27

Harry went to the counter and picked up his phone when it rang.  "Hey Niall.  What's up?"  He asked throwing a piece of fruit in his mouth.

"Hey Harry, just, wondering if you talked to JJ about last night yet?"  He asked. 

Harry laughed.  "Yeah, no that didn't happen.  There was no talking last night.  And she's still passed out.  I was about to take her some water and some aspirin because I'm sure she's going to need it."

Niall sighed.  "Yeah Amanda's still out too.  We were supposed to leave soon for Ireland but I figure she better sleep it off a little more.  I'm still a little confused or concerned about last night.

Brother, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.  I'm honestly wondering how much Julie's going to remember about last night."  'Like me telling her I was in love with her', Harry thought to himself.  He wasn't sure if he wanted her to remember or not.

"Yeah they were very drunk.  That kiss, or those kisses though.  It doesn't bother you at all?"  Niall asked him.

"I thought it should.  I thought I should be mad about it, but I wasn't.  I think there's more than a kiss or kisses.  And what I mean by that is, I think their drunk selves couldn't think of any other way to express what they were feeling.  I think it just came out in some pretty intense kisses.  At least until I hear otherwise, that's what I'm going to think.  I don't think Julie's going to leave me for Amanda if that's what you're wondering."  Harry said.

"Yeah, I guess it could be.  I think it's something that we're going to have to discuss at some point.  I mean it was, crazy."  Niall said.

"Yeah it was and I'm pretty sure it turned me on more than it was supposed to."  Harry couldn't help but laugh.

Niall finally laughed.  "Yeah, damn them."

"You've been saying that a lot friend."  Harry said amused.

"I know and I can't imagine not having them in my life either and that sucks sometimes."  He laughed again.

"Alright well have a safe trip to Ireland and hope the meeting of the family goes well.  We'll talk soon."  Harry said.

"Yes of course and good luck with JJ meeting your mum.  Wonder which JJ she will get."  Niall said laughing.

"Long as it's not the drunk one I think we'll be ok."  Harry laughed.

Harry walked into the bedroom to wake Julie up.  He seriously wondered how she would be feeling this morning.  She was not herself last night.  At least not the person she tried to be.  He understood why she always felt like she needed to be in control of situations and her actions but she definitely was not in control last night.  He wondered how she would deal with that today.  How she would deal with acting and speaking on her feelings without first thinking about it, is something he didn't know.  He walked to the bed and she wasn't there.  He saw the bathroom door was shut and walked over.  He heard the shower running.  He was surprised she was awake without him waking her.  He went and sat on the bed while he waited for her to come out.  When she walked out a few minutes later, he looked at her and smiled.  "You're alive."

"Is that what you call this?  Because I'm not real sure."  She said.

  
He laughed.  "Rough night?"

  
"I was about to ask you how my night went, because it all seems really fuzzy after we arrived at the club."  She said.

"That might be because you and Amanda drank the bar dry."  He couldn't help but chuckle.

  
"That, I believe.  So, this is what a hangover feels like?  I dislike it.  A lot."  She walked over to him.  "If I ever pick up another drop of alcohol, you have my explicit permission to lock me in a room for my own good."

  
He put his hands on her hips and pulled her between his legs.  "You willing to write that down and sign it?  Seriously, I think we just may need to control the amount you drink.  You seriously don't remember anything about last night at the club or after?"  He asked.

  
"I'm not sure.  It all seems like it could have been a dream."   Julie said clasping her hands behind his neck.

  
"So, you don't remember making out with Amanda in the middle of the club?"  He said looking at her.

  
"Oh god.  That was real?  Oh, Jesus.  How can you even look at me?"  She sighed.

  
He couldn't help but laugh.  "Yeah, I was caught completely off guard but figured I'd wait for an explanation from you first.  You actually told Amanda you wanted to come home with me instead of her, so figured you weren't leaving me for her."

  
"Oh, god it was that bad?"  She climbed on the bed and pulled the comforter over her head.   "Kill me now."

  
"No need for that.  Come on out of there.  We have to go anyway, we're running late already."  He said pulling the covers from her head.

  
"How could you even want me to meet your mom after last night?"  She asked rolling onto her back.

  
"Oh, no, you are not using that as an excuse to get out of meeting my mum.  Don't even think about it.  We can talk about it on the way."  He said taking her hand and pulling her up.  "Do you remember anything after we got home?"

  
She wrapped her arms around his waist.  "You mean me telling you I loved you?  Or you telling me you were IN love with me?"

  
He laughed.  "Both.  You're not running and you remember?"

  
"I wasn't sure if it happened or not, but figured if kissing Amanda was real, than that probably was too.  It should scare me.  Maybe it does some but..."  She looked up at him.  "I love you.  And I don't want to deny it anymore."

  
He smiled.  "Well good thing, because I don't want to hide it anymore in fear of scaring you.  I love you.  I have for a while.  Now let's go meet my mum."

  
"Can I persuade you otherwise?  Maybe something like last night?"  She asked.

  
"Tempting love."  He stepped away from her hands running down his hips.  "Not gonna happen.  Stay away."  He laughed.  "No touching because it's not fair."

  
"Come on.  Let me show you how much I love you."  She said reaching her hands out and stepping towards him.

  
He turned and hurried from the room away from her.  "No!  You're not distracting me, you're meeting my mum!"

  
She laughed and grabbed her bag.  "Dammit."  She followed him out to the car.  She threw her bag in the trunk.  She wrapped her arms around Harry from behind, under his shirt, and over his stomach.

  
He removed her hands.  "No touching.  I told you."  He stepped away from her.  "Stop now."  He saw the look in her eyes.  "Stop messing with me.  I mean it."  He pointed his finger at her and stepped backwards when she stepped towards him.

  
"Awe come on.  It would be fun."  She said.

  
"Yes, very fun.  I would love every second of it, but I know what you're doing.  Seriously," He stopped stepping backwards and put his hand on her cheek when she got close.  "Mum will love you I promise."

  
"How do you know?  I'm not sure I'm meet the mom material."  She sighed and looked up at him.  "You know how difficult I am."

  
"You're difficult with me.  Yes, I know that, but I know because I love you and I know that means mum will love you too."  He looked her in the eyes.  "Trust me ok?"

  
She sighed again.  "Ok, I trust you.  But I still think I could have made it worth your while."

  
He shook his head.  "No doubts.  But I'm onto you.  We can play later.  That I promise."

  
Niall walked into the bedroom and went over and woke Amanda up.  "Hey Princess you gotta get up.  We gotta go."

  
"What time is it?"  Amanda asked groggily.

  
"Almost noon.  We really gotta go."  Niall said.

  
She sat up quickly.  "I thought we were supposed to fly out at 11."

  
"I changed the flight early this morning.  I figured after last night it wouldn't be a bad thing.  But we gotta leave soon."  He said.

  
"Oh, my god Niall, I'm so sorry.  You should've just gotten me up."  She got up and grabbed her things for a shower.  "I will hurry I promise."  She went in to shower.  She was trying to recall the night before.  She was having a hard time.  Oh, my god she felt like she was dying.  What a hangover.  She came out of the shower quickly and started packing her bag.  She looked at Niall who was just watching her.  "Are you ok?  Are you mad?  You could have woken me up."

  
"No, I'm not mad really.  Confused maybe.  Last night really got to me.  I have no idea what to think."  He said.

  
"Yeah, I'm not quite sure exactly what happened last night.  Been trying to put it together.  But if it upset you I'm really really sorry.  I never meant too."

  
"I'm just struggling with the whole kissing JJ thing.  I can't quite figure that one out."  He said.

  
Amanda paused a minute packing her bag.  It started to come back to her.  "Oh.  Geez.  Yeah well I'm sure alcohol had a lot to do with that."

  
"I have no doubts it did.  But there has to be more to it than that."  He looked at her.

  
"I'm sure there was.  Let's get to the airport; I promise I will figure it out and I will tell you and answer all your questions and anything else.  But we should go.  If you still want me to meet your family."  She said closing her bag.

  
"Of course, I do.  I love you Amanda.  I just need to know."  He took her bag and her hand and walked her to the car.

  
Harry looked over at Julie.  They were about halfway through the drive.  "You've been strangely quiet.  Even for you.  Care to share what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

  
"Yeah I'm about to meet your mom and it terrifies me."  She said.  "I know how important she is to you and how important her opinion would be.  And I know you hate it when I doubt myself, but I just feel I will never be good enough for you."

  
"Have I ever told you that you worry too much?"  He said taking her hand.

  
"You don't have too.  I know that.  And I can't help it."  She said.

  
He picked her hand up and kissed it.  "You're more than good enough for me.  And most importantly you're good FOR me.  I'm better when I'm with you."  He glanced at her face. “Believe it, please.  We're good for each other Julie.  If you believe in us than it will all be good."

  
She looked over at him.  "I believe in us.  But I'm not going to stop being nervous.  No matter what you say."

  
"Well, Amanda's not there to distract you with her kisses so there's nothing to worry about."  He laughed.

  
She let go of his hand and backhanded him across the chest.  "Not funny."

  
He rubbed his chest and laughed.  "Yes, it was.  Wanna tell me about what you were thinking.  Because it was intense.  I think we may need to talk about it."

  
She sighed.  "I don't know.  It's really hard to sort through last night.  My brain felt so confused and murky.  It's like I was there but yet I wasn't.  It's like no matter what I couldn't control my actions.  Looking back at it, it kind of sucks."

  
"Yeah I figured that control thing might bother you."  He said.  "Sometimes it's ok to lose control.  Just maybe not like that.  Again.  Ever.  No kissing anyone but me.  Ever again."

  
"I'm glad you can joke about it.  I can't believe you're not upset with me."  She said looking out the window.

  
"Honestly.  I thought I would be.  When I first saw it, I thought I would be angry but I just have a feeling there's more to it than the action.  So, I wish you would just talk to me."  He said.

  
"I think, I don't know.  Amanda's always been there for me.  When I had to leave Wisconsin, when I had to walk away from my family to get away from my situation, I felt like I would never find anyone to share anything with again.  I was convinced I would pretty much be on my own from then on.  Amanda changed that really quickly."  She looked over at him.  "You really want me to get into all this before I meet your mom?"

  
"Yes, Julie.  You've opened up a lot over the past couple of months but you still hide quite a bit.  Please?"  He asked.

  
She took a deep breath she was kind of tired of having to explain her past.  But he was so kind, and so understanding with it all he deserved to get an answer.  "I didn't feel like I had anything to look forward too.  May seem extreme now, but I didn't know if I had anything left worth living for.  I was going through the motions but wasn't really living.  Amanda wouldn't let me stay in that fog I was living in.  She basically wouldn't let me stay to myself.  She wouldn't let me stay in my bubble for long.  I never planned on living with anyone but she convinced me it would be good for both of us.  I'm not sure she even knows how good it was for me.  I think last night the feelings I have for her got confused with the alcohol.  Everything I was feeling last night seemed really confusing.  I can't thank her enough for basically saving my life.  Or at least giving me life back.  It just came out the wrong way because apparently, I can't handle my alcohol."  She looked over at him and saw tears in his eyes.  "I didn't mean to make you cry."

  
He smiled through his tears.  "Yeah, well, how could I not after that?  I figured it was something like that but I didn't know it was quite that deep.  You've gone through a lot.  It's tough to hear sometimes how bad it was.  I think sometimes we see the now and forget how the now is influenced by the past.  Sometimes when you're in the now and being you and playful and sarcastic and funny I forget."

  
"I want to forget sometimes.  But I can't, not completely.  Amanda's made it easier.  You've made it easier but it's never gone.  Can we stop now?  That's enough for today."  She said.

  
He could see it in her face.  She was emotionally drained from that discussion.  He couldn't even imagine how hard it was for her to go back to that place.  "Yes, of course.  We have lots and lots of time to get through all of it.  Little by little is fine by me.  I'm not going anywhere."

  
"I can't afford your therapy bill.  Hope you know that."  She said to him.

  
"There's that guard you always put up.  One day I hope you figure out that you don't need it with me."  He took her hand again.

  
She looked over at him.  She didn't know what to say.  She had a feeling she should have kept her guard up more with him.  She's let him see so much, she felt completely defenseless with him.  There were few people in her life she felt could hurt her.  Him and Amanda were the two she was most afraid of.  Everyone always left eventually, she'd accepted that.  Always prepared herself for it.  But if he, or Amanda were to leave, she's not sure how she would deal with it.  They knew too much.  Hurt was not something she knew how to deal with.  "I need my guard Harry.  I'm really sorry."

"Oh baby, don't be sorry.  I get it.  I get it more and more every time you talk to me.  We're good."  He knew she was letting her guard down slowly.  Every time she opened up a little to him the guard came down some.  He wasn't going to rush her.  The first few days after they met he knew there was more to her, he was determined then to figure it out.  He may not have known it was so intense and so scary but she had more to offer than she would ever know.

  
Amanda looked at Niall after the plane took off.  "Are you ready for me to tell you?"

  
"I always want you to talk to me."  He looked over at her.

  
"I'm really sorry it went the way it did.  But I can promise you that you are the only one I want.  The only one I love in that way."  She said.

  
"I believe you love me.  I wouldn't be here if I didn't.  But there's some sort of feelings for JJ that are really confusing me right now.  You know I adore her, but watching that kind of blew my mind.  I talked to Harry this morning and he seemed to completely understand without even talking to JJ, but I'm not sure I do."  He took her hand.

Amanda let out a sigh of relief when he took her hand.  It was all confusing and after she talked about it with Niall she was sure her and JJ would have to have a discussion about it.  Would it be awkward?  "Yeah Niall, I love her.  And lately I've felt extremely protective of her.  I want nothing more than for her to feel loved and to feel safe.  To believe she belongs somewhere.  I think all the alcohol did was make all that come out in a really crazy, unorthodox way.  I wanted her to feel wanted, and beautiful, and worthy.  Wanted her to think she deserved to be loved.  She's beautiful, and she will never admit it.  I think the crazy amount of alcohol we consumed caused me to think that would be the way.  I do hope you understand."

  
"Oh wow.  Princess.  That's probably the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.  I'm sorry I even slightly doubted your intentions at all."  He kissed her.  "But I'm telling you it was quite the scene.  You guys didn't hold back."

  
"Yeah, no control.  I'm struggling with that.  Think about how crazy of a control freak JJ is."  She kind of laughed.  "She's my family Niall, I couldn't love her more if she truly was my sister.  I can't explain it.  After her completely opening up to me.  Well almost completely.  I just got carried away."

  
"Alright, Amanda.  Its ok.  I understand.  But maybe we can find another way to show her next time."  He raised his eyebrow at her.

  
"Yeah I will work on that."  She said laughing and laying her head on his shoulder. 


	28. Chapter 28

When Harry pulled onto the street his mom lived on he watched Julie start to fidget.  She fixed her hair nervously, and clenched and unclenched her fists.  "You're beautiful, and you will do fine.  We're here."  He said pulling into the driveway.

"Oh god."  She said.  She was scared.

"Harrys fine.  No need to call me god."  Harry joked.  He laughed when she glared at him.  "Don't move til I open the door for you."  He laughed harder as by the time he got to her door, she had already opened it and stepped out of the car.  Figured she'd go against what he said.  "You're too independent sometimes.  You can let me do things for you."

"I'm plenty capable of opening a car door."  She said taking a deep breath.

"I want to treat you like a princess."  He took her hand.

"Oh, good god, I am no princess.  Please never call me that again."  She shook her head at him.

"JJ!"  Gemma exclaimed coming out the door of their mom's house.  She went straight to Julie and hugged her.  "It's about time you got here."

Harry cleared his throat.  "Well I see how it is.  I'm here too, ya know."

"Oh, yeah, Hi Harry."  Gemma said.  She laughed and then hugged him.  Then she turned back to Julie.  "Welcome to our humble home."

"Every part of this country is brilliant.  I don't find anything humble about it.  Except for maybe you and Harry."  Julie said smiling.  She closed her eyes though when she heard the door again.  She knew it would be Anne.  She wasn't even sure how she should address her.  Oh, god this was nerve wracking.  She had never had a real meet the mom moment.  Her previous encounter was anything other than normal.  She turned to watch Harry embrace his mom and could tell immediately how close they were.  Great, more pressure.  She glanced at Gemma when she felt her squeeze her hand reassuringly.

Harry reached his hand out for Julie.  He watched her take a deep breath to try and steady her nerves and saw her hand shake as she took his.  "Mum, I'd like you to meet Julie.  Julie, meet my mum."

Julie reached her hand out to shake Anne's hand.  "It's nice to meet you, Ms. Twist."

Anne took her hand but then pulled her into a hug.  "None of that.  It's nice to meet you.  I'm glad you could come.  Please call me Anne."

Julie should have known.  They were a family of huggers, apparently.  She hugged her back.  She only felt slightly uncomfortable.

Anne stepped back but kept her hands on Julie's shoulders.  "So, you're the one who thinks it's easy to get in my son's pants?"

Julie stepped back caught completely off guard.  Her eyes widened and then she covered her face as she felt the heat creep into her cheeks.  She heard everyone laughing but her.  She was wondering if she would ever hear the end of that.  She felt Harrys arms wrap around her from behind.

"Well, she was right."  Harry said laughing.

"Oh, god, shut up."  Julie said turning into his chest.  "I will never live that down, will I?"

"Never."  Said Gemma.  "It's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard or witnessed.  It got you my brother, didn't it?"

Harry took her by the shoulders and stepped back and looked down at her.  "I know, you hate all of us."  He laughed when she nodded.  "Come on, let's show you around."

Anne took her by the hand.  "Yes, let's.  Welcome to our home."  She said leading her into the house.

Gemma walked beside Harry and he put his arm around her shoulder.  "So, how's she doing?"  She asked him.

"She's actually doing pretty well, considering.  She still has her ups and downs.  But they aren't as often or as bad.  She seems really comfortable here.  Almost like I can feel the difference.  She said something yesterday that made a lot of sense.  She said she was glad to have an ocean between her and her problems.  Think she feels for the first time she doesn't have to look over her shoulder."  He said walking into the house.

"And how are you doing with all that brother?"  She asked.

"After seeing what happened in Vegas.  After witnessing it, and hearing what he said, I literally thought I lost my mind.  I don't know what I would do if he ever came back around.  But she seems as comfortable as she can be with me.  The better she does, the better I do."  He said.

"Well I'm happy it all worked out for you.  I was concerned at first.  I thought for sure she would turn you down.  Thought I would witness a first."  She laughed.

"Stop."  He laughed.  "But I'm glad she stopped fighting me too."

When Niall pulled up to his mom's house Amanda felt surprisingly calm.  Maybe it was a relief that Niall accepted her crazy, especially her last night crazy so well.  She always wanted to find someone who just understood.  She was hoping his mom would like her.  It was her goal to make that happen.  She knew that Niall's mom was the most important person in his life.  She was determined to make a good impression.

"Babe.  I can almost hear the wheels turning in your head.  Since when do you internalize so much?"  Niall laughed.

Amanda kinda laughed.  "Guess I've learned from the best the past couple years.  I just hope your mom likes me.  Its very important to me."

"She will Amanda.  But I love you and that won't change.  But they will love you.  Mom and everyone."  He kissed her got out and walked over and opened her door.

Amanda stepped out and saw Nialls family emerging from the house and coming towards them.  She took his hand when he reached out for it, and walked towards them with him.  She dropped his hand when his mom hugged him.  Oh, she loved this.  She smiled huge when his mom then stepped right up to her and hugged her tight.

"Oh, its so good to finally meet you."  Maura said.  She put her hands on Amanda's shoulders and looked at her.  "Niall has gone on and on, and its so nice to finally have you here."

"Yeah."  Niall's brother Gregg stepped up and hugged her.  "Maybe he will shut up now."  He laughed when Niall glared at him.  "Oh, it was all wonderful things."  He said laughing.

"Oh geez.  Guess the pressures on."  Amanda said.  She watched Niall's nephew, Theo, run up to him and Niall picked him up.  She smiled it was such a beautiful sight.

"Hey Buddy!  I've missed you so much."  He kissed his head.  "You ready to meet Amanda?"  When Theo nodded enthusiastically Niall laughed.  "Theo, meet Amanda.  Amanda meet the best little boy there is.  Say Hi Theo."

Amanda laughed and took Theo's outstretched hand.  It was the cutest thing ever.  "Hi Theo.  Its so nice to finally meet you.  I've seen so many pictures, you are so handsome."

Theo smiled.  "Hi."  He said.  "Are you Uncles special friend?"

Niall laughed and blushed a little.  "Yeah, little man.  She's very special.  You and I and Amanda can play together later ok?"

"Yay!  I can't wait."  He got down and ran to his mom and dad.

Maura put her arm around Amanda's shoulders.  "I can't tell you how nice it is to have Niall bring someone home that makes him so happy.  It's nice to see him so happy and finally find love."

Amanda blushed.  "Oh wow."  She didn't know what to say.

"Let's go in and talk.  We got a lot to learn about each other."  She walked with Amanda into the house.

Niall smiled and followed.  He was so glad to see everything went smoothly, although he had no doubts.  He watched his mom sit Amanda at the counter in the kitchen.  They hadn't stopped talking yet.  He was so happy.  He watched his brother bring home his now sister in law.  He watched them so happy and so in love.  This was the first time he brought someone home he was actually in love with.  He wanted to include Amanda in every part of his life.  This was the most important.  He was hoping his mom ended up loving her just as much as he did.  So far it was a wonderful start.

Anne walked up to Gemma, who was watching Julie and Harry.  Julie was helping in the kitchen cutting up fruit and vegetables for dinner for Anne.  Harry was sitting on the opposite side of the counter talking to her.  Every now and then, Harry would reach for a piece Julie had just cut, and she would just slap his hand away.  She didn't break the conversation or really look up at him.  "So, she seems sweet but I sense she's quite nervous when I'm around."  Anne said to Gemma.

"Well you are the mum she's meeting for the first time.  Of course, she is."  Gemma said laughing.  "Harry sure likes to mess with her though."

Anne watched Harry smile bigger every time she slapped his hand away.  "He does, yes, she seems to take it pretty well.  He's hard to ignore."  She couldn't help but laugh.

When Harry reached for another piece, Julie leaned over the counter, grabbed his shirt by the collar and pulled him so he stood up and leaned over the counter.  When their faces got close she said quietly to him, "Don't make me get a fork."  When he smiled and nonchalantly tried to pick up a piece she continued.  "I mean it, drop it or I will fork you."

Harry busted up laughing and sat back down dropping the piece in his hand.  "Here I thought you were going to be all sweet and give me a kiss."

Julie reached to the side and grabbed a fork and held it up towards him, raising her eyebrows, and pursing her lips.

Harry stood up, leaned over, and kissed her; he then grabbed a piece and stood back.  "I will go find mum now."  He laughed as she shook her head at him and walked to Gemma and his mum.

"Mum, she's threatening me with a fork."  He said to her.

"I probably would have threatened you with more.  She showed a lot of patience.  You sure like to mess with her."  She said shaking her head at him.

He laughed.  "Yeah, she does the same.  It's kind of our thing.  She's got a thing with forks though."  He looked over at Julie and smiled.

Anne looked up at him.  "So, Gemma calls her JJ and says that's how most everyone addresses her, yet I've never heard you address her like that."

He looked down at her.  "Huh, yeah, guess you're right.  She answers to either, but just seems right to address her by her given name.  I like having that since everyone else seems to have grasped JJ."

"I knew you were interested in her son, I know you told me you felt strongly for her, and I'm very proud of you being so accepting of her past.  But I'm pretty surprised at just how much."  She looked up at him as he was back to watching Julie again, who was now talking to Gemma.  "You love her, don't you?"

He kind of laughed and looked at her.  "That obvious?"

"I can tell just by the way you look at her.  Not quite sure I've seen it before.  It's a bit surprising since its only been what, about 2 months?"  She said.

"Yeah mum I know.  It seems really quick.  I can't explain it.  Just seems right.  Sounds crazy, right?"  He asked.

"I'm your mum I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't worry some.  Especially with everything you've told me.  But seeing you together.  How can I deny it?  I'm happy for you son, as long as you're happy."  She hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"She's the best kind of difficult mum.  And she's difficult."  He laughed.  "But I enjoy every second of it."

Anne couldn't help but smile as she watched Harry walk up behind Julie as she was washing her hands.  She laughed when Julie splashed him with the water.  She enjoyed seeing him laughing and happy.  She also knew the trouble they have already endured in their young relationship.  It was her mum duty to worry.  She walked into the kitchen.  "Alright Son, time to let us finish dinner.  Go make yourself useful elsewhere."

He pulled Julie into his arms.  "You can spare her for a while, can't you mum?"

"Nope I'm helping your mom.  You listen to her now.  Go away."  Julie said looking up at him.

"Oh, we are going to get on just fine."  Anne said.

"Ouch.  Stop teaming up on me already."  He looked down at Julie as she put her hand on his chest, and pushed him backwards from the kitchen.  He leaned down and whispered.  "Thought it was time you showed me how much you loved me."

"Oh, you missed your chance for that.  That's not happening here.  Not at your mom's house.  Sorry buddy."  She waved to him as she walked back into the kitchen.

"We will discuss that later.  I won't give up."  He laughed as she just shook her head and walked away.  He saw her and his mum start talking.  He was so glad things seemed to be going well.

Niall came in and sat next to his mum on the couch.  He smiled as he saw Amanda sitting on the floor playing with Theo.  "Hey mum.  Thanks for dinner it was amazing as usual."

"You're very welcome son.  I'm so glad you got to come spend some time here.  Amanda is very sweet.  She's been sitting there playing the same puzzle with Theo now since dinner ended."  She said.

"She is pretty amazing."  He couldn't stop smiling at the scene.

"You fell in love pretty quickly with her don't you think?"  She asked him.

"Yeah mum I didn't expect it.  Seems like it's been longer than it has.  Maybe because I couldn't stop thinking about her since I went to the ER that day, and it took 2 months to get back to LA to see her."  He laughed.

"I'm happy when you're happy, and I really do think she's a great girl.  Just want you to be careful is all."  She said.

"I know mum, but with constantly being on the go, it's almost like things have to go quickly; especially when there are obvious feelings, otherwise there wouldn't be time for anything.  I'm sorry if it concerns you but she makes me happy."  He put his arm around his mum's shoulders.

"I'm happy when you're happy, Niall.  I mean that.  And I really do like her.  I'm happy you finally found someone who gives you that look on your face."  She smiled at him.  "It's great to see.  I hope we get to see more of you guys though.  We miss you around here too."

"I know mum.  I miss you guys too.  But things seem great all around right now."  He smiled at Amanda who looked over and smiled at him.  "I think I'm going to play on the floor."  He laughed, kissed his mom's cheek, and went to the floor to play with Theo and Amanda.  They laughed and played until it was time for Theo to go.

After dinner Harry went up to his mum.  "Hey mum, did those tickets come I told you about?"

"Yes, are you going to give them to her now?"  She asked, going and getting them out of the drawer.

"Yes.  Might as well get it over with."  He laughed.

"Wait, you sound like it's a bad thing."  She looked at him confused.

"No," He laughed.  "But I can tell you exactly how she's going to react."

"Which is?"  She asked him.

"She's going to tell me it's too much, I shouldn't have done it, she can't accept it.  Then, after I convince her it's ok, she's going to tell me she hates me."  He laughed and shook his head.

"Wow, really?"  She couldn't help but laugh.  "She is a bit difficult, and complex huh?"

"Yes, but she's not used to getting things.  It's all new for her.  She has a hard time accepting it.  I get it.  And this is pretty big, especially to her.  She's never traveled much so it's a lot to take."  He looked at his mum.

"Wow son.  I knew you were a pretty deep guy but you're even surprising me."  She winked at him.

"I know, don't ask me to explain this because I can't."  He laughed and walked up to Gemma and Julie who were talking on the couch.

"How about an after-dinner drink?"  Anne asked.  "Maybe a glass of wine.

Julie's eyes widened.  "Oh, thank you, but I think I'm good.  No wine for me."

Harry laughed when his mum gave Julie a funny look.  "Oh mum, after last night at the club for Amanda's birthday, she has sworn off alcohol at least for the time being.  It was a rough night."  He laughed harder when Julie glared at him.  He pulled her up sat down and sat her on his lap.

"Um, what's going on?"  She looked at Gemma and Anne who were both watching them.

"Remember how your stubborn ass decided I didn't need to know it was your birthday."  Harry started.

"Harry."  She started to say.

He laughed.  "Seriously.  I wasn't prepared and you deserve so much more than what you got last minute."

"Don't, please, it was perfect.  And it was almost 2 months ago."  She started to get nervous.

"Well, I disagree."  He handed her the envelope.  "Happy Belated Birthday Julie."

She looked at him and took a deep breath.  She slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the plane tickets.  She looked at them and shook her head and looked again.  She slowly put them back in the envelope.  "Have you lost your mind?  I can't accept this."  She got up.

He looked at his mum and mouthed 'told you' to her.  He then looked back at Julie.  "Yes, you can.  Paris is a beautiful city.  You will love it, I promise."

"I'm sure it is.  This is too much.  It's completely unnecessary.  You've already done so much."  She was visibly uncomfortable.

He took her hand and pulled her back onto his lap.  "I knew you would think that, but I don't think it is.  You deserve to see Paris.  And I want to be the one to show it to you.  This is just as much for me, as it is for you."

She looked at him.  "I don't believe you for a second."

"Ok, the tickets are nonrefundable?"  He said to her.

"I hate you."  She leaned against him.  "When do we leave?"

"Yes, you hate me because once again you're giving me what I want."  He laughed.  "We leave tomorrow."

"I thought we were staying here a few days."  She looked at him.

"I only have a few days of nothing scheduled.  When we get back to London mum is going to come to London then."  He kissed her.

"Thank you.  I guess sometimes I forget to say that.  It's too much.  But thank you."  She said.

"A simple thank you would be fine.  Difficult."  He hugged her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck.  She closed her eyes buried her head in his neck and whispered.  "You know all I need is you, right?  I don't need anything else."

He squeezed her tighter.  "I know, but I want you to have the rest.  When I can give it to you."  He smiled at his mum when he noticed she was smiling at them.  She must have heard their little exchange.

When she picked her head up he put his hand on her cheek.  "You're tired huh?"

She smiled she was tired but it was ok.  "I'm ok.  It's not even that late."

"No need to stay up on my account."  Anne said.

"Let's take you to bed."  Harry said helping her off his lap and standing up.

"You mean show me to my room?"  Julie felt uncomfortable being in his mom's house and staying with Harry, as silly as that sounded as they were both adults.

"No, I mean take you to my room."  He said.

Anne laughed.  "Oh, I'm not that kind of mum.  I didn't even bother getting another room ready.  He would've just snuck into your room anyway.  But I will show you the way."  She took Julie's arm and started walking her up the stairs.  "You are seriously surprised at how much Harry wants to give you, aren't you?"  She asked her.

"Yes.  I don't mean to come across as ungrateful, and I know that's how it sounds sometimes.  I just don't think, or I'm not used to all of this.  He's been amazing through a lot."  Julie said slowly walking up the stairs with her.

"I've heard about what happened to you before, and I'm truly sorry.  No one deserves to be treated like that."  Anne said softly.

Julie twisted her lips and tried to stop the tears that were building in her eyes.  "I should have known he would tell you.  Maybe I was hoping he wouldn't.  I'm extremely embarrassed about it.  I honestly could have gone forever with no one knowing."

When they stopped in front of Harry's room door Anne took Julie's arms gently and looked at her. "Sweetheart, there is nothing to be embarrassed about.  You showed a lot of strength and character when you left.  There is nothing to be ashamed about.  I promise you."

"It took me so long."  She struggled not to cry.  "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

Anne hugged her.  "I didn't mean to make you cry."  She stepped back with her hands on her shoulders.  "And there is no reason to be sorry.  Lean on Harry, he's got some pretty strong shoulders."  She hugged her again.  "Good night Julie.  Thank you for coming and thank you for making my son happy."  She walked back towards the stairs as Julie walked into the room.

She hugged Harry before he went up the stairs.  "I'm sorry, but I made her cry.  She knows you told me about her past.  She wasn't prepared for it.  I told her to lean on you.  Sorry again.  Love you son, goodnight."

"It's alright mum.  We got this.  Love you too.  Good night."  He said kissing her cheek and going up the stairs.

Niall stood up from the floor and grabbed Amanda's hand to help her up.  He wrapped his arms around her waist.  "Thanks for that.  You made that little boy very happy.  And you made this boy very happy too."

"It was no trouble.  I had a lot of fun.  It's been a great day.  I'm enjoying seeing you here with your family.  I'm so happy to be a part of it."  She said as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Time for bed, love?  I'm sure you're still quite tired from last night."  He kissed her forehead.

She laughed.  "Yeah, maybe a little."

"Well, Niall," Maura said.  "Your room is all set for you guys.  I'm super happy you both are here.  I couldn't be happier then when I look at the 2 of you."  She went up and hugged them both.

Amanda looked at Niall when they were hugging his mom.  Her heart felt full.  This was the most amazing experience ever.  "I'm so happy I got to meet you.  I've never been happier.  Your son is the reason.  So, thank you for raising such an amazing man."

Maura looked at her and smiled.  "Oh, thank goodness I did something right."  She grabbed each by the hand and walked them towards the bedroom.

"You've done a lot right mom."  Niall said kissing her good night.

"Yes, that I believe."  Amanda said kissing her on the cheek.  "See you in the morning."

"Breakfast will be waiting."  Maura said as she walked away.

Niall let Amanda into his room.  "Well I couldn't have asked for this day to go any better."

"You mean after last night you were worried?"  Amanda asked him.

"Well, maybe a little."  He laughed when she glared at him.  "Not like that.  Gotta admit though always have to wonder how it's really going to go."

"Yeah, but it felt right.  You feel right.  It all feels right."  She said as she kissed him.

"Oh, you are all right.  All the time."  He laughed.  "It makes me really happy you and mom seemed to get along so well and had a lot of conversation going on."

"She's great, which I know, you already know.  But she was so easy to talk to, and she treated me like one of the family right away.  It's such a great feeling.  Especially since I want it to be easy on you."  Amanda said getting her pajamas out of her bag.

"I can't imagine anyone not loving you Princess.  Seems pretty easy."  Niall said changing.

"Oh, I'm sure there are people who disagree with you."  Amanda laughed as she finished changing.  "But I'm glad you think it's easy."  She took Niall's hand after he was lying in bed and let him help her climb in beside him.  "I'm so glad you love me."

"Yeah I suppose I am too."  He laughed when she slapped him.  "I love you Princess and I'm glad you love me too.


	29. Chapter 29

Julie and Harry spent a couple of days in Paris enjoying the city.  It was amazing and breathtakingly beautiful.  Julie's favorite part though, was when they would order dinner, and eat on a blanket on the hotel floor, just talking and enjoying each other's company.  It was better than she could have imagined.

Harry had gone out, and Julie was bored, so she decided to go online and check out recent happenings.  She regretted it almost immediately.  She couldn't believe what she was looking at.  She just stared.  She didn't know what to think.  She heard the key card in the lock and slowly shut the laptop.  She didn't know what to do.

Harry walked in and saw Julie at the laptop.  He watched her close it.  She kept her hand on it and kept looking at it though.  "Hey baby.  I got something for you."  He handed her a small bag.

Julie was still unsure of what the heck was going on.  She took the bag, opened it and pulled out a small box.  She opened the box to a beautiful heart shaped diamond necklace.  She stood up, put the necklace back in the box, and shoved it into his chest.  "Do you think I'm stupid?  Seriously?  I don't want that.  What is it, a guilt purchase?  Is that what all this is?  I don't want any of it."  She walked towards the bedroom of the suite.

"Wait.  What the hell?  What is going on?"  Harry asked confused.

"So, you just went out to get that for me?  On a whim?"  Julie asked hand on the door to the bedroom.

"I thought it was perfect for you.  Why are you so mad?"  He asked her.

"Figure it out."  Julie said as she shut and locked the door.

Harry stood there for a minute looking at the box.  What the hell was going on.  He looked at the laptop and decided to start there.  He opened the lid and looked at what she was last looking at.  "Shit."  He walked to the door.  "Julie, that's not what it looks like.  Please let me explain.  Please open the door and let me explain."  He wasn't surprised when he was met with silence.  What the hell was he going to do.  It was a long quiet night.  She stayed locked in the room all night.  No matter what he tried he got nothing.

After a few days of enjoying family time in Ireland, Amanda and Niall were heading back to the airport to go back to London.  Amanda was catching up on messages and social media updates.  She wrinkled her brow and shook her head.  This had to be a mistake there was no way she was seeing what she was seeing.  "What the hell!"  She said out loud.  She immediately tried to call JJ.  No answer.  She tried again.  No answer again.  "Answer your damn phone, JJ!"  She tried again.

"Whoa.  Princess."  Niall said glancing at her.  They were almost to the airport.  "What's going on?"

"We need to change our flight to Paris.  Now, we need to go right now."  She tried calling JJ one more time.

"Um, Princess.  Care to explain?  Not that I would mind going to Paris with you."  Niall said completely confused.

"Your friend is a jackass, and I need to get to JJ.  I can't believe she didn't call me."  Amanda said.

"Wait.  Slow down.  What's going on?"  Niall said pulling into the rental car return.

Amanda pulled up the posts from the day before.  She showed Niall.  "What the hell was Harry doing out on the streets of Paris, with Kendall Jenner?  Hugging her, and getting lunch with her, when he took JJ there?  I need to go see about her now."  Amanda said getting out of the car and getting her things.

"Slow down."  Niall said taking her hand.  "Don't you think there is an explanation, and don't you think that we should let them work it out?"

"Are you going to change our flights to Paris or not?"  Amanda asked looking at him.

"No Amanda, we can't go fight their fight."  Niall said.

"Are you kidding me?"  Amanda said pulling her hand away.  "Either you do it or I will go myself."

"Princess."  Niall started.

"Don't call me that right now.  Are you seriously refusing to take me to Paris right now?"  Amanda said crossing her arms at him.

"I don't think we should go Amanda.  I think we should stay out..."  Niall started.

"I can't believe you.  I'm going to Paris with or without you.  If you want to be a jackass, then you go right ahead."  She said grabbing her bags and stomping towards the airport.

Niall sighed.  He had to admit seeing the picture of Harry in the streets of Paris with Kendall was a surprise to him, but he still thought they should stay out of it.  He grabbed his bags and hurried to catch up with Amanda.  "Amanda please, let's just go back to London and we will try to get ahold of them to figure out what's going on."

Amanda looked at him.  "Wow!  I thought you had more compassion than that.  You tell me Niall, if I were with you in Paris, and decided to go meet my ex model boyfriend without you, how you would react.  Then pretend you're JJ and react that way."  She watched his face drop.  "Yeah so go to London yourself.  I'm going to Paris."  She walked up to the counter to talk to the ticket agent about getting her to Paris on the soonest flight possible.

"We can't always fight their fight Amanda.  I'm sure Harry has a good explanation."  Niall said trying one more time.

"The only explanation is he's a jackass too.  Must be running in the veins of One Direction members today!"  She waited for the representative to find the next flight.

Niall sighed.  When the representative told them that a flight left for Paris in 2 hours he booked two seats and got their luggage checked.  Amanda grabbed her carry on and went towards security.  She was angry, she couldn't believe Niall would try and fight her on this.  There was no explanation Harry could give right now that would make sense.  She wished JJ would answer her phone.  She sat down at the gate and pulled away from Niall when he tried to take her hand.  She tried calling JJ one more time.  She couldn't give up yet.  She got no answer.  She was concerned.  Did JJ know about Harry's meeting with Kendall?  She almost hoped she didn't.  She almost hoped that she could be there when she found out.  But it was all over the internet and social media.  Maybe JJ didn't go online since they were in Paris.  She didn't spend much time on social media lately.  But then, why wouldn't she answer her phone.  "Dammit!"  She looked at Niall.  "Call Harry."

"Amanda.  Can we talk about this?"  Niall asked.

"No!  Call him please."  When Niall didn't get his phone, she swore again.  "Dammit!"  He couldn't even do that for her.  She gave in and called him herself.  When Harry answered, she wasted no time.  "Where's JJ?"

"Hey, Amanda."  Harry said.

"Don't hey Amanda me.  I said, where's JJ?"  She said angrily.

"She's in the bedroom.  Has been since yesterday afternoon."  He said.  Amanda obviously knew.  "She didn't call you?"

"No, and I will deal with that later.  I'm coming there, and you better stay out of my way."  She said hanging up the phone.

"Amanda."  Niall started.

"Don't talk to me right now.  I'm angry at you too."  She got up and walked to the bathroom.

Niall sat back and sighed.  Great.  What was Harry thinking?  He knew he and Kendall were friends but why would he go out in Paris with her, especially when he took his girlfriend there.  And he was kicking himself.  He should have just agreed to take Amanda there.  This was going to be a long quiet flight.

Niall and Amanda were walking into the hotel in Paris that Julie and Harry were at.  Amanda still wouldn't say a word to Niall.  Luckily, it's a relatively short non-stop flight from Ireland to Paris.  "Amanda, I think we need to talk."

"Not right now we don't."  She said as she knocked on the hotel door.

"Amanda, come on."  Niall started as Harry opened the door.

"I said not now."  She said, as she pushed past Harry, dropped her bag, and went to the bedroom door.

When Niall saw Harry looking at him concerned, he said.  "Yeah she won't talk to me."

"Why won't she talk to you?"  He asked.

"Because I told her we shouldn't come.  I initially refused to get tickets to fly here.  Thought we should stay out of it."  Niall said walking in.

"Yeah, I'm sorry.  She locked herself in the room yesterday afternoon and hasn't come out at all."  He said walking back into the room.

"What were you thinking?  Seriously?"  Niall looked at him.  "I mean I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that there's nothing going on with you and Kendall, but it does not look good Harry."  Niall said.

"I guess I wasn't.  She called, said she was in Paris, and that one of our friends was having some trouble and maybe I could help.  So, I just went.  Turned out to be nothing though."  He said.

"And did you tell JJ where you were going?"  Niall asked.

"No."  He sighed.  "Yeah I get it.  I screwed up but she may be overreacting a little.  She won't even let me explain."

"Oh, I would not say that too loudly right now."  Niall said looking over at Amanda.

"Yeah."  He said.  "I'm screwed, aren't I?"

"You don't find it funny that all of a sudden Kendall called you from Paris when you brought your girlfriend here and had to talk to you in person this second and it turned out to be nothing?"  Niall asked him.

"I didn't think about that."  Harry said sitting down.

"Well you must have thought about something if you hid it from JJ."  Niall said.

"I might have known she wouldn't like it.  But it was nothing.  And I did go get her a necklace."  Harry said.

"So, you went to see who she thinks is your ex-girlfriend, who happens to be a supermodel, without telling her, and then you brought her a gift thinking it would make up for it?"  Niall said.

"Well when you put it like that it sounds bad.  But I thought about getting the necklace or a gift before I went and met with Kendall."  Harry said.

"Well I can guarantee that's exactly how JJ and Amanda are looking at it."  Niall said.

"Shit."  Harry said.  Apparently, he didn't think hard enough about this.

Amanda knocked quietly on the door.  "JJ it's me will you open the door please?"

Julie got up quickly and went to the door when she heard Amanda's voice.  She opened it quickly, and when Amanda wrapped her in a hug, she squeezed her tightly.  Oh, thank god Amanda was there.  When she saw Harry look at them, she pulled Amanda into the room and shut and locked the door again.

Amanda looked at her.  "Are you ok?"

Julie shrugged.  "I don't know what to think right now, honestly.  He said he had something to take care of and left.  Before I know it, I'm looking at pictures of him and Kendall at a restaurant in Paris, where people are talking about the rise of Hendall.  He comes back, hands me a necklace, which I shoved right back at him.  I don't need a guilt gift, and then I locked myself in here.  I can't even process it right now."

JJ was too calm, Amanda thought.  "Why didn't you call me?  As soon as this happened.  Why didn't you let me help instead of sitting in here yourself for over 24 hours?  Dammit JJ, you should have called me!"

"Because you were with Niall's family, and you weren't supposed to leave until this afternoon.  I wasn't going to get in the way of that.  And I knew you would do exactly this and come...."  Julie started

"You are damn right I would have!  You should have called me.  I'm pretty upset you didn't!"  She scolded Julie.

"Panda, what would you do?  If this is the end of my relationship, what would you do yesterday that you can't do today."  Julie said to her.

"Why are you so damn calm?  Seriously JJ!"  Amanda said to her.  "I could have been here for you, instead of you doing this!"

"Doing what?"  Julie said sitting down.

The calmness was really bugging Amanda.  "Going to that place where you don't feel a thing.  You're there now.  I can sense it.  I hate it!  You should be angry.  You should, I don't know, but not this!"

"I don't know what to think.  I don't want it to hurt.  I don't..."  Her voice finally broke.  "I don't want to think about it."

She walked over to her.  "It's ok to be upset.  You should be upset.  This is not ok."

Julie kind of pulled away from Amanda, she knew if she touched her now she would lose it, and she didn't want to lose it.  She didn't want to hurt.  "Please don't.  I don't want to do this Panda."

Amanda wasn't having it.  She grabbed her and hugged her.  She could feel her once again start to shake, and knew she would be in tears soon.  "You need to cry.  You need to feel.  You need to deal with this.  You are not running from me and hiding where ever it is you go.  Stop being so damn calm."

"Why would he do this?  Why?  He just told me he was in love with me the night of your birthday.  I told him I loved him.  Why would he go to her?"  Julie said finally breaking down.

Amanda was livid.  She didn't know how to answer.  "You told him you loved him?"

"Yes.  The day we got to London.  Then the night of your birthday even after we, well, did whatever it was we did, he said he had no doubts he was IN love with me.  Then he gives me this gift, bringing me to Paris, and then leaves me, doesn't tell me why, and goes to her."  Julie said trying to calm down.  Now that she was thinking about it she was trying to calm the hurt.

"I don't know JJ; I don't understand either.  I can't think of any excuse that makes sense."  Amanda said.

"I don't want to let him explain.  I don't know if I'd believe him anyway."  Julie said wiping her eyes.

"You don't have too.  Not right now.  I'm angry.  I'm angry at Harry, and I'm angry at Niall, and I'm a bit upset with you for not calling me."  Amanda said.

"Don't fight with Niall because of me, please.  I don't think I could handle that."  Julie said to her.

"Not because of you.  It's because of him."  She looked at her.  "You've been locked in here for over 24 hours.  Have you had anything to eat?"

"I couldn't figure out how to get anything without facing him.  He was at the door a lot.  I couldn't face him, Panda.  I just couldn't."  Julie said.

"Alright.  It's alright.  But you need to have something."  She picked up the phone.  She was going to have to take control.  Wherever JJ's head was; she wasn't going to.  She ordered some room service.  "I will get it, so don't worry about that."  She put her hand on JJ's back when JJ sat down and put her head in her hands.  "I'm sorry JJ."  She knew at some point they were going to have to get an explanation from Harry but she was with JJ right now.  She wasn't ready for one either.  She couldn't believe he left JJ to do what he did either, especially without telling her.  She had to go check on the room service.  She had to get JJ to eat.  "I will be right back.  I'm going to check to see if the food is here.  You need to eat."

"I'm really not hungry Panda."  Julie said her voice still breaking with emotion.

"I know, but you have to eat something.  I ordered a few different things.  Just eat something."  She said getting up.  She needed to go out and face Harry and Niall, and she wasn't sure how that was going to go.  She was angry.

Harry stood up when Amanda opened the door and walked out.  He needed to talk to Julie.  He had to explain.  He started to go towards the door when Amanda shut it and stood in front of him.  "Absolutely not.  You stay away from her.  Did the room service get here yet?"

"Amanda, I need to talk to her.  This isn't what you guys think.  Please."  He pleaded.

"No, she doesn't want to see you right now, and I don't blame her.  I swear to you Harry if she goes back to being cold and closed off, I'm going to come after you."  She said.

"Amanda.  I think maybe you should let them deal with this."  Niall said to her.

"Oh, don't you even try to talk to me either.  I'm still extremely angry at you.  I'm upset with her for not calling me; I could have come here last night BEFORE she went so far into her head I'm not sure I can pull her out of it.  And you wouldn't even simply help me get here today."  She said to him.  "Right now, is NOT a good time to mess with me."

"Amanda, I swear to you there is NOTHING going on with Kendall and I."  He tried to explain.

"Don't even mention her name in my presence."  Amanda practically growled at him.

"Amanda."  Niall started.

"Shut up!  I swear right now if you tell me to calm down..."  She glared at him.

"I wouldn't dare."  He said quietly moving to the side when there was a knock at the door.  Room service was there with the food.  Amanda thanked them and brought the cart into the room.

"How could you Harry?  Seriously?!  How could you tell her that you're in love with her one day, bring her to Paris, and then leave and go to your ex super model girlfriend without telling her, in a public setting, where there would no doubt be people around taking pictures."  Amanda said.  She wasn't sure what she was going to do but she had to know.

"She called, and said she was here and that one of our friends was having a problem and she thought I could help.  I just went to talk to her and our friend."  He said.

"You just...seriously?  You JUST went to talk?!  You don't find it funny that all of a sudden, she was in Paris same time you brought your girlfriend here, and she HAD to see you to talk to you about or with this friend; and she had to do it by coming all the way to Paris?  Does she know about JJ?  Does she know you have a girlfriend?"  Amanda crossed her arms and looked at him.

"Yes.  Not like we spoke about it in detail but she knows."  Harry said quietly.  He'd never seen Amanda so angry.

"And did she know you were here with her?  How did she even know you were here?"  Amanda said.

"I told her."  Harry said.

"Oh, so you spend a lot of time talking to her then, do you?"  Amanda asked.

"Amanda, I swear it's not like that.  I swear to you."  He pleaded.

"Yeah well you should have thought about that BEFORE you fucked up!  And trust me you fucked up!"  She said taking the cart to the room.  The door was locked when she tried to open it.  Julie must have thought Harry would try to get in.  She knocked quietly.  "JJ, it's just me."

Niall tried to walk over to Amanda he needed to try to calm the situation.  He could tell Harry was miserable.

"Don't you dare Niall.  You are not getting in on this now.  You didn't even want to come for her.  Stay away."  She pushed the cart into the room.

"Julie, please, just let me talk to you."  Harry tried.

Amanda pursed her lips and glared at him.  "Both of you can go straight to hell."  She slammed the door and locked it.

Harry looked at Niall.  He didn't know what to do.  He thought maybe with Niall and Amanda here he could get through to Julie, but Amanda was so angry she wasn't going to be any help, and Niall was in just as much hot water as he was.  He definitely didn't know what to do.

"Yeah next time maybe stay away from your super model friends when you're on a romantic getaway with your girlfriend.  Especially when she's my girlfriends best friend."  Niall said to him.

"Yeah, sorry.  I deeply regret all of this right now.  Trust me I wish I could turn back time.  And I wish I would have looked at the whole situation differently."  Harry said.  "I never even thought she had an ulterior motive but obviously, Amanda does."

"Yeah, I don't know but it does seem a little strange she knew you were here, came here, and this friend has an immediate problem that can't wait that turns out to be nothing."  Niall said.  "But I don't know her like you so..."  Niall said sitting down.  "But this is bad Harry."

Amanda watched Julie go sit in the window seat and stare out the window.  She was calm and unemotional again.  "Please eat something JJ.  Then we'll get out of here for a while."

"Where are we going to go?  I mean we're in a strange city we know nothing about.  I just want to go home."  Julie said.

"We are taking advantage of being in Paris.  We are going out by ourselves.  We don't need them for this JJ.  We can go out like we're on vacation ourselves.  Look I know it's not going to fix things, but neither is sitting in this room.  Just eat something please."  She took her over a little bit of everything she ordered.  Even if she just ate something.  She watched her pick slowly at things.  She mostly just moved it around the plate.  How was she going to pull her out of her dark spot?  Her "safe place", her head?  She told Niall and Harry she wished she got here before she got too far into her head.  It was too late though.  She was there already.  "Damn it JJ.  You should have called me yesterday.  You didn't need to torture yourself this long."  She watched Julie just continue to play with the food on her plate quietly.  "You make me want to scream.  JJ please."

Julie got up and put the plate back onto the cart.  "If only I were good enough.  Taller, skinnier, prettier, talented.  Something.  He wouldn't think he needed her.  If only I were just good at something.  If I weren't so difficult or needy or have such a horrible history."

Amanda took in a sharp breath.  "What?  You cannot be serious right now.  You cannot be blaming yourself for this.  Get out of your damn head and stop that!  You are beautiful, you deserve to be happy; to have whatever it is you want.  Believe me!  Believe in yourself.  Stop thinking you don't deserve him!  Right now, he doesn't deserve YOU!"  She walked over to her grabbed her shoulders and practically shook her.  "JJ, you are better than you will ever give yourself credit for.  This is NOT your fault.  Let's get out of here.  Maybe some distance and some air will knock some sense into you."  She took her hand and walked her to the door.  She was not going to let go until they were out of the hotel at least.  They would go out in Paris, and they wouldn't forget, but they would have each other.

"Panda, I can't go out there."  Julie said.

"You can, just follow me."  Amanda said opening the door.

Harry and Niall both stood up when they heard the door.  They were going insane.  They both walked around the couch towards the girls.

"Amanda, I can't."  Julie said, her voice trembling.

"Get out of the way."  Amanda said to both Niall and Harry.  She pushed right between them and pulled Julie with her.

Harry reached out for Julie's hand but she quickly pulled it away.  "Julie, please let me explain.  All of this has gotten way out of hand."

"Don't talk to her.  I told you already."  Amanda said grabbing her coat and Julie's off the back of the chairs.

"Where do you think you're going?"  Niall asked her.  "We have things we need to deal with here."

"None of your damn business.  Last I checked we were grown ass women."  Amanda said opening the door.  "Don't bother waiting up."  She shut the door behind them and realized Julie let out a breath.  She must have been holding it the entire time.  "Let's go walk wherever it leads us, bestie."  They put their jackets on and Amanda linked her arm in Julie's and they started walking.  In silence.  The fresh air and the city was a good idea.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. We aren’t quite half way through the journey yet!! But any comments and/or ideas are more than welcome!! I’d love to hear from everyone!!! Thank you so much again for making it this far!!  
> 

After a while of walking around, the girls found that they had wandered into the boutique area close to the hotel.

"Wow." Amanda said. "Look at these shops. All these clothes."

"Yeah I think these are the boutiques that the hotel works with. When we checked in they asked Harry if he wanted to have the ability to charge things from the boutiques to the room. And if both of us could." Julie said. "I thought that was crazy."

Amanda looked at her. "Well what did he say?"

"He said yes, of course. It's Harry." Julie said looking at the clothes in the window and the price tags. She shook her head, her whole wardrobe probably cost less than some of those dresses.

"Let's go in." Amanda said pulling her hand and into the shop.

"Are you crazy? Have you seen those prices?" Julie said.

"Yes, we can still try them on. And Harry can afford it." She looked at Julie.

"I'm not in the habit of spending his money. Especially out of spite." Julie said.

"Please, it's not like we have to get the most expensive clothes in the place. He gave you the option to charge things. He obviously wants you to be able to shop." She started looking through things. "Plus, we need something to go out in. And I figure you wouldn't want to go back to the room to get it." She raised her eyebrows at Julie.

Julie sighed. She really didn't know what to do. When the sales person came over and basically told them in so many words they didn't think they could afford their shop and looked down her snooty nose at them, Julie handed them the room key from the hotel which linked to her ability to charge the clothes. She was mad they would just assume things. When they saw the information on the computer, that was linked to the card, they changed their tune drastically. Julie took the card back. "You know what Panda? I think there were things at another shop I liked better. Let's go there instead." Even though they pleaded with her to stay she walked out with Amanda to another boutique. Now she wanted to buy things, but hopefully with some more friendly staff.

Amanda had Julie trying out lots of outfits. It was a surreal experience. When they got to the next boutique they were offered champagne right away and a personal sales assistant before they knew what type of charging they were able to do. When Julie handed them the room key and they looked it up it only got better from there. It was the best shopping experience Julie ever had. If it was always like this she might like to shop.

"Oh, my god JJ! You have to get that outfit." Amanda looked at Julie. The tight black leather pants fit her perfectly. They rested perfectly on her hips. The fitted silver shiny crop top came to rest right above her belly button and showed off just enough to make it completely sexy. The high heeled black shoes made her legs look longer.

Julie laughed uncomfortably. "I don't know Panda. This is not something I would wear."

"That's the point JJ. We're in Paris for crying out loud. This is the time for the unexpected." Amanda said.

"Well than you need to get that." Julie said. Amanda was in a similar outfit. She had on tight black leather pants in a different style. They also had a red stripe down the outside of each leg which went perfectly with the tight red sequined top. The top had a strap around her neck and showed a lot of back. It had a cut out that made sure to show just enough cleavage and rested slightly above her belly button. The look was completed with the red high heeled shoes.

"Deal." Amanda laughed.

Julie couldn't believe she was doing this. She didn't believe she had the ability but all she did was sign a slip to charge it to the room, and that was it, they got to wear the clothes right out of the store. They walked past the first boutique they went in. They still couldn't believe the difference in staff. Not that they would care what their opinion was. Next, they went and got their hair and make-up done. They talked to the beauticians and got the scoop on the best place to go to have fun that night. They had a couple of glasses of champagne at the salon also. This place was great. They took some pictures together, thanked them, Julie signed the slip and off they went.

A couple hours after the girls left Harry and Niall were going crazy in the hotel room. Neither girl was answering their phone, after a while they must have turned them off because they were both going straight to voicemail. They didn't know what to do. Harry got up when there was a knock on the door. He took the paper from the hotel staff and looked at it. "Well, apparently, they weren't happy in what they were wearing. And I'm guessing they are going out." When Niall looked at him strangely he showed him the receipt. "They charged the room for outfits from the boutique down the street. Leather pants, tops and shoes. Then hair and make-up at the salon. Doesn't sound like exploring the city wear to me." He put the paper on the counter. "I'm going to look for them. Are you coming?"

"Hell yes. I once told Amanda it was kind of boring not having to deal with you and JJ's drama. But I didn't mean this." He grabbed his coat. "I sure don't want this much drama."

"I honestly didn't mean for any of this. I had no intentions other than talking to Kendall about the issues she thought there were. Niall, I swear to you." Harry said putting on his coat.

"I believe you Harry, but it's not going to be so easy convincing the girls." Niall said opening the door.

"Yeah, don't I know it." Harry said walking out of the room.

After about an hour of looking they were getting frustrated that they weren't able to find them. Harry's phone rang and he was surprised it was Gemma. "Hey Gemma."

"Um, where are you?" She asked him.

"In Paris, you knew that." He replied.

"Yes, I know that, ok better question. Do you know where your girlfriends are? I'm assuming Niall's with you." She said.

"How did you know Niall was here. And why are you asking if I know where our girlfriends are? Why wouldn't you assume they were with us?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Go on twitter or Instagram and look up #AmericanGirlsInParis." She said. "What's going on Harry?"

Harry looked at Niall and told him to look up the hashtag. "I screwed up Gemma."

"You mean your girlfriend wasn't happy about the new Hendall reports, with supporting pictures?" She said to him.

"Wow, everyone really knows, don't they?" Harry said.

"Well, it's all over the internet. You used to be better at keeping things quiet. I don't want to know details. I like JJ. I don't want to have to take sides. Find her Harry, quickly." Gemma said hanging up.

Harry took a deep breath, if Gemma knew all this in London things were going to go bad fast. When he saw Niall cringe he wasn't sure he wanted to see what the hashtag showed, but he really had no choice. "Oh Jesus! Can you see what club that is?" He asked Niall.

Niall shook his head as he looked through some of the pictures and comments. He finally found the name of the club. They looked up the location and headed there.

"So much for swearing off alcohol." Harry sighed.

"Yeah, have a feeling this is for another reason though. Numb the pain." Niall said. "This is our fault this time Harry. Even though we didn't mean for it to be like this. This time is on us."

"Yeah, mainly on me, and I can't apologize enough for it. I'm sorry it caused you so much trouble." Harry said.

"Well I could have just said ok to her coming. I, just like you, didn't think of it from their perspective. You know they think so differently from us. We probably will never learn." Niall said opening the door to the club. "I'm not sure I'm ready for this."

"Yeah, who knows what we're walking into." Harry said stepping into the club.

Niall and Harry looked at each other when they saw it. Amanda and Julie were definitely the center of attention. They were on opposite ends of the bar dancing on it. This was not the way this was supposed to be going. They were trouble when they were together. If they weren't together neither would be doing this.

Harry watched one guy approach Julie and put his hand on her calf. When she looked down when the song ended, he reached for her hand and helped her down off the bar with his hands on her waist. He lifted her down slowly and close to him. Even though Julie put her hand on the guy's chest to keep distance between the two of them it drove Harry mad. He quickly went towards them. When he overheard the guy ask Julie if she wanted to get out of there he spoke up. "She does not. She has a boyfriend."

When Julie heard Harry's voice she clenched her teeth. He was not supposed to find her. "Oh, you mean the guy who would rather spend his time with supermodels in the streets of Paris? I doubt he has any cares as to what I do." She looked at the guy. "Thank you for the offer really. But I'm not ready to leave yet. With anyone." She smiled and walked away.

Harry tried to take Julie's hand to stop her but she pulled it away quickly and kept walking.

Niall walked up to where Amanda was. "Come down from there." He said.

She looked at him but then let another guy help her down. The guy put his arm around her waist. He told her she looked hot and that he wanted the next dance. When Amanda went to step away the guy tightened his arm.

Niall watched the scene and was not having any of it. He pulled the guy away from Amanda. "She will not. She's coming with me."

"He's right, no dances but he's wrong also, because I'm not going with him." She walked away. She saw Julie walking away from Harry and went towards her. When they met, they looked at each other and went to walk towards the bathroom. When they turned, they stopped as right in front of them stood Kendall Jenner and some of her friends.

"You have got to be kidding me." Julie said. "This is not happening to me."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Amanda said stepping towards Kendall. "Seriously is this funny to you?"

Julie stepped in front of Amanda and put her hands on her shoulders and looked at her. "Don't, it's not worth it." She looked over Amanda's shoulder at Harry and Niall walking up to them and fought the hurt. "You know what. She can have him." She looked at Kendall. "How can I compete with that anyway?" She looked at Amanda and when her lips started trembling she hurried off towards the bathroom.

Amanda glared at Kendall and then looked at Harry. "Did you tell her you were coming here too? Was the plan to humiliate JJ even more?" She turned and started to go towards the bathroom.

Niall grabbed her hand and stopped her. "We came here looking for the two of you. Now this is getting way out of hand. Harry was with me the whole time."

"Oh, so now you're sticking up for him?" She pulled her hand away. "I should have figured."

"Amanda, I get you're angry but it's time to be just a little reasonable." Niall said. He meant it. This was getting out of control.

"You know what Niall, when I hear my best friend say to me if only I was taller, skinnier, prettier, more talented or good at something; less needy or not have a horrible past maybe he wouldn't have to go to her. I don't care to be reasonable. And all I asked from you was help getting here. But it's too late now, isn't it? She's so deep into the self-doubt and her head right now; who the hell knows if she will ever come back out. And now, after all of that Kendall is here. She stood right in front of JJ. Shows up right when you guys do." Amanda said. She tried not to cry. She wanted to just stay angry.

Harry took Amanda's arms and looked at her. "Amanda. I swear to you there is no one I want besides Julie. I will talk to her about her doubts but there is nothing she needs to change or get better at."

Amanda pulled her arms away from him. "She needs me, and since you are so hell bent on hiding things from her," she turned to Niall. "and you're so hell bent on getting in the way of that, leave us the hell alone." She went into the bathroom.

Harry didn't know what Kendall and her friends were doing there, but it couldn't have been worse timing. He turned and walked away with Niall. They had to try and catch the girls as they came out of the bathroom. They didn't see them come out but they saw them making their way through the crowd away from them. They saw the two guys that helped them off the bar go up to them. They tried to slip through the crowd as quickly as possible. They could tell those guys only had one thing on their minds, and that was getting the girls to leave with them.

Julie put her hand on the guy's chest when he stepped closer to her. She enjoyed the attention from a distance earlier. It made her feel somewhat better that at least someone wanted her, but she wasn't looking for someone else to distract her. She wasn't looking to get back at Harry by being with someone else, even if he was hot and French. This guy was becoming a little too aggressive. She pushed him back when he leaned in to try and kiss her. "I'm sorry you got the wrong idea, but I'm not looking to go home with anyone." She told him.

"You just told me your boyfriend was hanging out with someone else, so what's the harm?" He asked her putting his hand on her waist.

"I don't do spite sex. Sorry." She stepped back to turn away.

He grabbed her arm. "So, you just decide to tease?"

"I'm not...." She started but before she could finish, Harry had gotten there and grabbed the guys hand from her arm, and pushed him away from her.

"She said no, now back off." Harry said to him putting himself between Julie and the guy. He looked down at Julie. "Are you ready to go now? You don't want to talk to me fine, just let me get you out of here."

Julie nodded but didn't look at him. There was too much attention now and it was kind of freaking her out. Even though she was still completely confused about what to do, she knew Harry would protect her and get her out of there. She went with him willingly as he protectively worked them through the crowd to the door.

Niall walked up to Amanda who was having a conversation with the same guy that helped her off the bar. He heard her tell him she wasn't interested twice and the guy wouldn't back off. "The lady said she wasn't interested; it's time to go now." He said as he walked to Amanda's side.

"Mind your business, dude." The guy said to Niall. "We are having a conversation."

"She has a boyfriend. She's not interested." Niall said stepping towards him.

Amanda couldn't let Niall get into a fight with the guy, even though she was mad at him. She wasn't interested in anyone else. She pushed him backwards. "I'm ready to leave." She saw Julie going towards the door with Harry. "Just let's get out of here."

Niall shook his head. "Finally," He put his arm around her waist and made his way through the crowd with her. He grabbed the girl's jackets on their way to the door. They met Julie and Harry at the door. "Let's get out of here."

Harry wrapped Julie's jacket around her shoulders when Niall handed it to him, and started to walk her out the door. She stopped dead in her tracks. He looked out the door. Paparazzi were outside, cameras all over the place.

Julie just shook her head. This was the last thing she needed. Even with their airport encounter they had still managed to keep their relationship pretty quiet. Last thing she wanted right now when everything was questionable, was her image all over the internet. She turned to go back into the club.

Harry stopped her. "I've got this." He took his jacket off put it up over her so it was covering her head, put his arm protectively around her shoulders and walked her straight through the crowd to a cab.

After they were safely away from the club, Julie took his jacket off of her, pushed it to him and scooted away from him. She looked out the window for the rest of the ride.

Harry watched her. He just wanted to get her safely back to the hotel so that he could talk to her. At least she left with him. It wasn't much but he would take anything right now.

Niall took Amanda's hand and led her through the cameras to a second cab. He helped her in and shut the door. He tried to take her hand when they were in the cab but she pulled it away. "Amanda, we really need to talk."

"Yeah I'm not ready yet. You hurt me Niall and I'm just not ready to talk to you. I'm concentrating on JJ." She watched the cab ahead of them making sure Harry and JJ were getting back to the hotel with them.

"They can't get through this if you don't let them talk, Amanda." Niall said. "We can't get through this if we don't talk."

"You didn't hear her Niall. You didn't hear what she said about herself. I KNEW it was going to happen. I KNEW she would go into her "safe-mode" and all I wanted to do was get here. YOU didn't want to help me do that. She's mostly calm. And she shouldn't be. She should be angry and hurt and upset. So yeah maybe I'm being all those things for her right now but I still can't believe you fought me on this. You say you want to share my best friend but yet you don't want to be there when she actually NEEDS her best friend!" Amanda got out of the cab as soon as it pulled up to the hotel.

Well, Niall thought, for not wanting to talk she sure said a lot. He felt guilty now. He didn't mean to make it seem like he was keeping them apart. He just thought Harry and JJ needed to work it out. Oh, this girl thing was tough. He watched her walk over to the cab JJ was getting out of. She took her arm and walked her into the hotel.


	31. Chapter 31

Niall walked into the hotel with Harry. "Well I can promise you that I'm in the dog house."

"Yeah, I can't even get a word out of her. I don't know what to do. If she won't talk to me I don't even know how to try and fix this." Harry said walking into the room. He watched Julie packing her suitcase. He walked over to her. "Please don't do this. Please give me a chance to explain. It doesn't have to be this way." When she looked up at him he could see the emptiness in her eyes. He hadn't seen that since the night she told him about her past. "Please Julie, I need to explain and I need you to hear me when I do. I love you. This is a big misunderstanding." He wasn't getting anywhere. She was so calm. He would rather she screamed at him or cried or something. "Please stop being so unreasonable. Just talk to me. Please. Yell, scream, fight, throw something at me, give me something!"

Julie just shrugged her shoulders. She fought the hurt. She didn't want it to hurt. She didn't want him to see the hurt. If she let it, it would overcome her. She knew things were going to implode on her. She had always hoped they wouldn't, but she knew. She looked back at the suitcase took out a hoodie and zipped the suit case shut. She put it on its wheels, put the hoodie on over her crop top and grabbed her carry on.

Amanda grabbed her suitcase and put it by the door. She was going wherever JJ was. That protective streak was in full force, and Kendall being at that club was too much for her. JJ had retreated further and she was going to make sure she was ok no matter what.

Niall walked up to her. "Princess, I know you're mad at me and I get it. I really do. I messed up. Please don't do this. Please don't leave like this."

"I have too. I got here too late and I need to do this." She said as she opened the door for JJ.

"I love you Amanda, and I swear to you we are going to talk through this. I wish you wouldn't leave like this." Niall practically begged.

"I hope we do Niall. But right now, I need to go." She walked out with Julie.

Niall couldn't believe this was happening. Everything seemed perfect less than 24 hours ago, and now both him and Harry were watching the girls they loved walk out the door, and neither could do anything to change their minds.

Harry took a few deep breaths. He was about to lose it. He just let the girl he loved walk out the door. He looked at his phone when it rang. It was his mum. How could he explain this to her? He just introduced them a few days ago, and now he had to explain he may have lost her because of a poor choice he made. "Hey mum." He said as he answered the phone.

"Gemma's here, she just told me what's going on. Are you ok?" She asked him concerned.

"No, mum. I screwed up, and right now I can't get her to talk to me at all. I just watched her walk out the hotel door and I don't know what to do." He said trying to hold back his tears.

"She's leaving? Gemma's calling her now. I'm really sorry Harry I wish there was more I could do." she said.

"I wish she would just show me something. Even if she were to get angry and yell at me, or something. I can't get through to her when she hides. And Amanda's angry at me and Niall. This is a disaster." He said to her walking to the window.

"I can't say that it's going to be ok. It's going to be tough. I know you didn't think this would happen when you agreed to meet with Kendall, Harry. I hope she will let you explain. You do need to give her some time. If you guys love each other as much as you say. It will eventually work out." She said. "She's not answering Gemma either."

"I called her unreasonable." He started to tell her.

"You, what? Oh, Harry." She said.

"Yeah, but that's it I wanted it to make her angry; I wanted to get her to show some emotion, and it didn't work." He said.

Niall walked over to him and they watched the girls stand next to the curb waiting for a cab. When the cab pulled up it blocked their view of the girls but they stood watching.

As the cab pulled up, Julie threw her hands up in the air. It started pouring. "Doesn't this just figure." She said to Amanda. When the cab driver went to grab their bags, she stopped him. "Wait." She looked at Amanda. Her heart actually hurt. She physically felt pain in her chest. "Oh god." She leaned against the bag.

"Are you ok?" Amanda asked her putting her hand on her shoulder.

"No. I feel like my heart is actually breaking. I hate this so much." She said as she tried to catch her breath.

"Because you love him. Yeah I know the feeling." Amanda said starting to cry. They were soaked already but it didn't matter.

"I don't want to leave him. And I hate that I don't want to leave him." Julie said still trying to get her breathing under control. She looked up into the rain. "This feels like a bad lifetime movie Panda, but I don't wanna go."

"Then let's stay. Let's go work it out with them. Or at least work through it." She looked into Julie's eyes.

Julie nodded. "Yeah. Oh, god, it hurts."

"It should hurt, JJ. Sucks, but it should." She said.

Julie handed the cab driver some money for his trouble and they stood back as he got into the cab to drive away.

Harry put his hand on the window when he saw the cab driver get into the cab and get ready to leave.

Niall leaned against the window frame. He still couldn't believe this was happening. He pushed himself off of the frame when the cab pulled away. "Harry." Was all he could say.

Harry saw it at the same time. The girls were still standing at the curb. "Mum, I have to go. I will call you later."

He followed Niall out the door. They ran down the hallway and out of the hotel, into the pouring rain. They didn't care. They met their soaking wet girlfriends as they just finished crossing the street back in front of the hotel.

Harry wrapped his arms around Julie's waist and picked her up. He didn't care how she would react. He couldn't believe she actually stayed. "Thank god you didn't go." He wasn't stupid enough to believe they didn't have a lot to work through but she was still there.

Niall grabbed Amanda and kissed her in the rain. He never meant to hurt her and he knew they had to talk it out, but she stayed for him. He was so relieved. His heart couldn't take her leaving. "I love you, so much. We can get through anything Amanda."

"I know Niall. And I know I haven't been easy since we found out, but I needed to be here." She said to him.

"I know, I see that now. I never meant to hurt you." He said. "We will talk through this but let's get you out of the rain." He wrapped his arm tightly around her waist and walked her into the hotel. "I will get us a room."

"I need to be with her Niall, whenever she wants or needs me." She said.

"I know, but we still need another room. I will see if they have adjoining." He said walking over to the desk.

Harry still hadn't moved; he didn't want to chance it. She was still in his arms. He didn't even notice the rain. When she slowly started to pull back from him he put her down. She was soaked from head to toe. "Let's get you inside and dried off." He took her hand. He felt her start to pull away from him, but she stopped and let him keep her hand for the moment. The bellhops had already taken their bags inside so Harry took her in. He spoke to Niall briefly who was getting a room. Amanda looked at Julie who just nodded slightly. They communicated silently again. Neither Harry nor Niall had to ask. Amanda wrapped her arm with Julie's and walked with her to the room. Neither Harry nor Niall fought it. They were still overly happy that they stayed. They would take whatever they got at the moment.

Niall got to the room shortly after Julie, Amanda and Harry walked in. Julie still hadn't said a word. Harry handed both Julie and Amanda a towel. "Julie, you have to say something. Only way we can work this out."

"I don't know what to say." She said walking towards the window.

"How am I supposed to know what to do if you won't even tell me what you're feeling." He said to her.

"I don't want to feel a thing. I figured you knew that. Or maybe that's just unreasonable of me." She said.

"I just said that to try and make you angry. To get you to show some kind of emotion. This is driving me insane." He said.

"Careful, Harry." Amanda said. She understood, the calmness bugged her too but she knew he better tread carefully.

"You want emotion?" She picked up a glass from the mini bar and whipped it at him. He moved and it hit the wall and shattered. She picked up another but before she could throw it, Niall stopped her by grabbing her wrist with one hand, and taking the glass with the other.

"Ok, Nolan Ryan. We see you have quite the arm. I don't think he actually meant it when he said to throw something at him before. Let's save the glasses please." He set it down on the bar. He didn't know why, but he started laughing at her. "Seriously? After all this? You just up and throw a glass at him?"

"Niall, why are you laughing?" Julie said to him. Before she knew it though she was laughing slightly with him. "Niall!" She shook her head.

"Sorry." He said but he was laughing harder. "It was just so unexpected, and it's just funny to me." Before he knew it, everyone was laughing. It released some of the tension in the room.

After a few minutes, Julie pushed him aside. "I'm freezing and wet I'm going to shower. She hugged Amanda. "Go get showered and changed. I'm ok for now."

"Alright, but you call me if you need me and do NOT wait like you did yesterday." She said grabbing her things.

"Yes ma'am." Julie said grabbing her things to shower.

Niall was able to get the adjoining room so they walked through to the room.

Harry cleaned up the broken glass and changed while Julie was in the shower. It was a horrible couple of days. He hoped they could finally talk and work through it. He watched her come out and put her things away. He saw her shiver. "Are you ok?"

She looked at him. Guess she had to talk to him. Get this over with. "Still cold. Can't get rid of the chill."

"Sit down. Let me get you a blanket." He watched her sit on the couch and grabbed a blanket. He wrapped it around her and watched her snuggle into it. He went and made a pot of hot water and made her some tea. When he handed it to her he watched her wrap her hands around the warm cup. "Better?"

"Yeah, somewhat. Thanks." She said staring at the cup.

He sat next to her. "Baby, I am really sorry for all of this. I shouldn't have left you here, especially not telling you where I was going. I didn't mean to hurt you. There is NOTHING going on with Kendall." He watched Julie cringe as he said her name. "I swear to you there is no one else."

She stood up and set the tea on the table. "I don't want to do this."

"I know you don't, but we have too. I need you to understand that I just went to talk to her about a mutual friend. One she said was having some issues. That's all. I was wrong. I made a bad choice. But I did not mean for it to be like this." He said.

"Do you think I want this? I hate this. I want to believe you. More than anything. I don't want to doubt us. I wanted to leave Harry. I want to run. But then she wins. I can't help but think that's what she wants. I can't tell you who to be friends with. I don't want too. I don't have to like it though and I don't. And you purposely hid it from me. That makes me wonder why. If there's nothing to hide, then why hide it? I want to be that girl who is super confident and who doesn't doubt herself but I'm not." She said trying not to cry.

"I know that. I know you. I did make a horrible choice. I think I knew you wouldn't like it. And that sounds bad. But I did just want to help with the situation with our friend. I didn't think of why she was here, I didn't think of why she needed to do it here. She's in Paris a lot I didn't think anything about it." He tried to explain.

"I can't deal with this pain. My heart hurts. I didn't know it could actually hurt. Wow, you sure know a lot about her schedule. She's everything I'm not. I'm sorry I'm not enough for you." She said walking into the bedroom and laying on the bed on her side.

He followed her into the bedroom, knelt down at the side of the bed, and looked in her eyes. "Don't ever say that. You are more than enough for me. I didn't go to her for any other reason than to talk to her about our friend. Amanda told me what you said. You're wrong. You are already all those things to me. You are all I want. Just believe me when I tell you I love you." He covered her up. "I will give you some time. As long as I know you're here and safe I can give you some time." He kissed her head and walked out to the couch. He knew they had to talk about more, but he could give her time. He laid down on the couch and tried to sleep.

After a while, Julie got up and went out into the other room. She saw him lying on his back on the couch, eyes closed. She hated the hurt. She didn't want to feel but she needed him. She hated that too. This, was so hard. She walked over, lifted the blanket and crawled on top of him lying on his chest. "It hurts so much." She said to him.

"I know, baby. And I didn't mean for it to happen." He wrapped his arms around her. He was so glad she came to him. He knew she didn't know how to deal with pain. It bothered him she hid it all, but he believed she took a big step staying and coming to him just now. She fell asleep shortly after she laid on his chest. He grabbed his phone lifted it and took a picture of her lying on his chest. He sent it to his mum. He captioned it with "she stayed." They would work it out when she woke. He was keeping her in Paris another day. He didn't care what anyone said. He would be there until they worked through it.

When Amanda came out of the shower Niall immediately went up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "Can we talk now?"

She turned so she was facing him. She put her hands on his chest. "Yes. I am sorry this became a huge fight. I'm sorry that we disagreed but I knew exactly what she would do. I think you did too and it hurt me a lot when you wouldn't even just help me get here."

"I know. I told Harry this perspective thing is difficult. We just don't think the same way as you. I didn't think about anything other than they needed to fight through it. I didn't think about the initial reaction." He kissed her lips. "I should have respected your feelings more."

"We don't always have to agree Niall. In fact, I can promise we won't. But I NEEDED to be here, for her, for me. I just wanted you to get that. You didn't have to agree. But when you refused to help me do what I feel needed to be done, it hurt. I was angry. I still am angry at the whole thing. But just like I guess you didn't understand where I was coming from, I don't get where you or Harry are coming from. Seemed like the only choice to make, go to her." She said.

"I know, I'm learning how this whole thing works. It shouldn't have been a fight. It wasn't difficult to come to Paris. Maybe this all would have gone smoother if I wouldn't have fought you either. Do you forgive me?" He asked her.

"Always Niall. I love you. It doesn't take away the hurt, but I wouldn't be anywhere else." She yawned. "Can we go to bed?"

"Yes." He helped her in bed and turned off the lights. He climbed in beside her. "I thought I'd be in a cold bed alone tonight when you walked out of the door with JJ. I'm so glad you decided to stay."

"Thank JJ. She decided to stay. I would've went if she did. She can't be left alone right now she's pulled back again. Two steps forward, one step back." She laid her head on his chest.

He kissed her head. "I will thank her later. But I honestly thought you talked her into staying. I would have never guessed. I love you Princess. More than anything."

"I love you too my Prince." She closed her eyes. She was exhausted. It had been a hell of a day.


	32. Chapter 32

Amanda woke up, and Niall was still asleep. She wanted to make sure JJ was ok. She went through the adjoining doors quietly. She was about to go knock on the bedroom door when she saw them on the couch. She smiled and walked towards them. JJ was asleep still on Harry's chest. It was hard for her in the moment to sort through everything, and she was extremely angry at Harry for what he did, but in the end, she wanted them to be together and be happy. The anger she felt was more towards how JJ would react to the situation more so than not believing Harry. She knew he loved JJ, she could tell. She probably knew before either one of them knew. She was still angry with JJ somewhat as well. She wished she would have called. She understood she didn't want to interrupt her with Niall's family but this was something she should have called for. She could have helped before this got as bad as it did. She smiled and waved when Harry opened his eyes. She asked him quietly. "How's she doing?"

He smiled. "She's struggling. Which I'm sure you knew would happen. But she stayed. And she came to me. She laid in the bedroom and I came to the couch. After a while I felt her climb here, and even though things may not be back to normal. I feel we can work through it." He responded quietly.

"Good. I'm sorry my anger got the best of me yesterday. But knowing how she would be and seeing it. I couldn't help myself." She apologized.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad you always have her back." He told Amanda.

Amanda watched Julie slowly start to stir and pick her head up. "Hey sorry, didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

Julie slowly pushed herself up and sat at the end of the couch. "It's ok." She looked at the clock. "We have to go anyway."

Harry sat up and looked at her. "No, we don't. We're staying at least another day. I will not have Paris ruined for us."

"You have a lot scheduled. You can't just forget about it." Julie said.

"Yes, I can. We are staying, it will work out. This is what's important. I do not want us to remember Paris like this. Amanda and Niall are here we will make our last memories of Paris wonderful, with our best friends." He took her hand. "Please?"

Julie forced a small smile. "Yeah, we can try." She wasn't sure how to change her memories of Paris, but they were great up until Kendall so maybe they could.

Niall walked into the room towards the end of the conversation. "Yeah, sounds great. But no clubs, and no leather pants and short shirts."

The girls looked at him. They were confused.

"Exactly." Harry said. "Those guys were like wolves. They were going straight for the both of you."

"Straight for the heart. I have no idea how either of you question anything about yourselves. If you saw what we saw last night you wouldn't have any doubts." Niall continued.

"It drove me mad." Harry stood up. "When that guy lifted you from that bar, I seriously wanted to take him down. And trying to shield you from everyone else. I'm telling you it was horrible."

"I think you're exaggerating again." Julie said.

"I am not. I cannot believe you seriously did not notice." He said to her.

"He's not at all." Niall said as he looked at Amanda. "Same thing with you love, they seriously wanted the night to end differently than it did."

"It was one guy." Amanda said and Julie agreed.

"No, maybe that's all you two noticed but there were more." Niall said. "Like Harry said, wolves. Straight to your hearts."

"Well that wasn't our intention." Julie said. "We just wanted to forget." She got up and walked to the window.

"I know." Harry said walking up slowly behind her. "Doesn't change their thoughts though." He put his hand on her shoulder. He wasn't sure how far he should push things right now. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath when she covered his hand with hers. Even though it was only for a second it was a step closer.

"Alright, well, we will go get ready." Niall said reaching for Amanda's hand.

"Ok, I will order breakfast and it should be here by the time everyone is ready." Harry said.

"Oh, my god I'm so hungry." Julie said. It just hit her. She didn't really think about it.

"That's because you haven't eaten in like 48 hours. And this time, don't just push it around your plate, eat something." Amanda said taking Niall's hand and going back to their room.

Julie looked out the window a bit longer and then turned around to get ready.

"Julie." Harry looked at her. He couldn't fight the tears anymore. "Are we going to be ok?"

"I don't know." She whispered. She fought hard but the tears came anyway. "I've never hurt so bad. Maybe it's not reasonable but I just can't help it. I hope so though. I really do." She reached up and touched his cheek. She went into his arms when he hugged her.

"I do too." He said as he buried his face in her shoulder. After a few moments, he pulled back from her and cleared his throat. "Ok, sorry I will order breakfast." He wiped his eyes.

"Hey." She said when he turned away. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you. You know that, right?"

He turned and looked at her. "I do. But it's really nice to hear it."

"I love you Harry. That won't change. I figured that out waiting for the cab last night. I felt like my heart was physically breaking. The pain was unbearable. I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm frustrated and I don't know how to deal with any of that. But I love you. Just be honest with me." She said.

"I will. Honestly, I love only you. I only want you, and I will do anything to make it up to you." He walked up to her and put his hand on her cheek. "I do not want to do anything to hurt you. Can I kiss you now?"

She kind of laughed at him asking her. "Yes, of course."

He leaned down and kissed her. "Let's make the next two days here full of lots of great memories."

"Without supermodels?" Julie looked up at him.

"You're more beautiful than anyone else Julie. Too me there is no one more beautiful. But yes, without supermodels." He shook his head at her.

They all ate breakfast together. Niall, Harry and Amanda did a lot of talking. Julie was still quiet. Amanda noticed she ate some but still pushed a lot of things around her plate. She did respond when anyone talked to her, but she didn't start a conversation. After breakfast Julie went into the bathroom to finish getting ready. Amanda followed and sat on the sink while Julie brushed her hair and teeth and applied her make-up. "Harry said you came to him last night after he offered to sleep on the couch."

"Yeah. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm so angry. I feel he lied to me, even though it's more like omission. I'm afraid to let myself show the anger, because I'm not sure how that will go. I feel she did this on purpose even though I don't know her. And that probably sounds really crazy. And if I get angry and push him away then she wins. I'm trying really hard just to believe him. But she's so, well, she's a freaking supermodel."

"She is, and trust me I get why part of your thoughts would go there because of that, but you stayed so there has to be some part of you that believes that he loves you." Amanda said.

"I do, I want too. It's still hard for me to believe. I don't know, I can't explain it. This whole relationship thing confuses the hell out of me." She said picking up the box with the necklace in it. Harry had left it on the bathroom sink. She opened the box and looked at it. It was so beautiful. He was right it was perfect for her. It was a simple beauty just like she would wear.

"That's so pretty. It's so you." Amanda said taking the box from Julie.

"I know. I'm just afraid every time I look at it I will see those pictures in my mind. This sucks." Julie said putting her stuff away.

"Remember when you said she would win?" Amanda said taking the necklace out of the box. She got down off the sink, stepped behind Julie and put it around her neck and clasped it. She reached around and placed it perfectly on her chest. "It's perfect."

Julie stared in the mirror at it. She loved it. She started to cry and went to unclasp it.

Amanda stopped her. "No, JJ. It's yours. He got it for you. It has nothing to do with her." She stood on her tip toes wrapped her arms around Julie's neck from behind and rest her chin on her shoulder.

Julie closed her eyes and leaned her head against Amanda's. "You're right. What would I do without you?"

"You would be so super lost." Amanda laughed turned Julie towards her and wiped her tears for her. "Now let's go ruin Paris."

"I think we did that last night." Julie said kind of laughing. Her and Amanda walked out of the bathroom together. Julie felt so comfortable and so much better having Amanda there. Like her birthday poem said. Always accepts her crazy.

Harry walked up to Julie and wrapped her jacket around her shoulders. When he did he noticed the necklace around her neck. He took it in his fingers and looked at her.

"Hope it's ok. It was in the box in the bathroom. I can take it off." She said.

"Are you kidding? It's right where it belongs. It's perfect for you. You have my heart literally, and now figuratively. I saw it and thought of you immediately. I hope you never want to take it off." He said.

She touched it. She did love it. She hoped she could get rid of the negative she associated it with. "Thank you." She couldn't figure out what else to say. She wanted to just get past this but it was so hard.

"It's ok." He cupped her cheek. "Let's go see the city." He looked at Niall and Amanda. "Believe it or not we haven't gone to see the Eiffel Tower yet. Let's go explore some and then go see it closer to dusk. We can have dinner there and then go up and see the city lights."

"You've been in Paris days and haven't seen the tower?" Niall asked putting Amanda's jacket over her shoulders.

"Yeah well it was in the plans. Other things came up." Harry said.

"Right," Amanda said. "No need to explain. Sounds like a perfect plan to me."

"Me too." Niall said. "Princess you are going to love it."

"Oh, I already do." Amanda said laughing.

They spent the day exploring the city. They went into shops and the boys bought the girls true French apparel. They thought they looked adorable in their fedoras, scarfs and pea coats. They had a light lunch and did a lot of walking. At dusk, they took the girls to the restaurant at the base of the Eiffel Tower. It was positively beautiful.

Niall pulled the chair out for Amanda. She kissed him before she sat down. "This is the best impromptu vacation I've ever had."

He laughed. "Yeah let's not talk about what got us here. Let's just be happy we are."

She laughed. "Sounds like a great plan to me."

Julie went to reach for her chair when Harry stopped her. "Let me, please."

Julie looked up at him. "Sorry." She let him pull out the chair and sat down.

Niall and Harry discussed and ordered a bottle of wine and they shared with the girls what they thought would be good on the menu. After they ordered and had their wine poured, Niall took Amanda's hand and held it on the table. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

Julie watched Amanda giggle and smile at Niall. There was still an awkwardness with her and Harry. She didn't want there to be. She had to give this the best chance possible to succeed. She looked over at him. She loved him. She couldn't deny it. She reached her hand out towards him.

He took it and kissed it. "Hi." He said.

"Hi." She said as she smiled and shook her head. It was that thing they did. It was amazing how the word 'Hi' could mean so much when it was such a common simple word.

He leaned down and kissed her. "You good?"

"Yeah, I'm good." She kissed him quick again.

"Awe, it's about damn time you two." Amanda said to them.

"Oh, shut up." Julie said to her.

"Here we go again." Niall said laughing.

"You shut up, too." Julie said to him.

He laughed harder. "Yep, hi JJ."

"I hate you, Niall." She said as Harry let go of her hand when the food came.

"I'm so glad." Niall said still laughing.

"Niall, there are forks around. You better behave." Amanda said starting to laugh at Niall.

"Oh Jesus." Julie said shaking her head. "Why do I even hang out with the two of you?"

"Because besides Harry we are the only ones that can put up with you." Niall said. "Hey!" He said when Julie threw a roll at him. "Stop throwing things already."

"Be glad it wasn't a glass." Harry said.

"Screw all of you." Julie said picking up her fork.

"Don't you mean fork all of you." Amanda said laughing.

"Fork you." Julie said looking at Amanda.

"Fork you too friend." Amanda said laughing harder.

After dinner, they went up as high as they could in the Eiffel Tower. It was completely beautiful but it was quite windy and getting quite cold. The girls were off from the boys a little bit checking out some of the things they could see. It was such a rush being up there. It was such an amazing view.

Harry and Niall were talking when they heard someone say hi. They turned around. It was Kendall and some of her friends. Harry looked at Niall and then asked what they were doing here. He was now starting to wonder what was going on. Niall looked over at the girls who hadn't turned around and noticed yet. He looked at Harry shook his head and went towards the girls when they started to walk over towards them.

"I'm freezing." Julie said to Amanda. "My hands are so cold. I didn't know Paris got this cold end of October."

"Yeah, me neither. Let's go get our boys and get them to take us some place and warm us up." Amanda laughed. She saw Niall walking towards them and smiled. She then saw Kendall the same time Julie did. "What the fuck. This is getting ridiculous." She said.

Julie shook her head. She was so done with this. She turned around to walk away.

Amanda went to stop her but Niall pulled her hand back. "JJ, don't. Don't let her do this." Niall said to her.

Amanda didn't know what Niall was trying to do but she watched Julie stop and clench her fists.

"C'mon JJ. I don't know what she's trying to do, but don't let her. Don't make it easy for her." He continued.

Julie turned around. Niall was right. She took a deep breath and walked towards Harry and Kendall and her friends.

Amanda looked at Niall. "Um, should we do something?"

"No, let's let her." He said wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.

Julie walked up behind Harry and put her freezing cold hands under his shirt and jacket so they touched his back.

Harry jumped and spun around. "Jesus!" He looked and saw Julie. He didn't know how this was going to go. "Your hands are like icicles."

"Yeah, I'm freezing." When he put his hands on her waist she reached up and put her hands on each side of his neck and took a deep breath. "I'd like to go, and I'd prefer to take my boyfriend with me, if you're done here."

"That shouldn't even be a question." He didn't even turn around. He kissed her and pulled her into his chest. When she turned around to walk back towards Amanda and Niall he wrapped her in his arms from behind.

Amanda smiled at Julie when they came back. "Atta girl."

"Well I changed my mind." Julie said.

"Changed your mind about what?" Amanda asked.

"She can't have him." Julie said matter-of-factly.

"Atta girl." Niall then said to her.

"Wait." Harry laughed. "I wouldn't let you give me away anyway."

"Atta boy." Julie said and they all laughed.

The girls stood at the railing one more time to look out over the city. Harry and Niall stood behind them, arms around them, hands on the railing on each side. The girls leaned back against them. It was freezing but they couldn't have been more content. Paris was now an amazing memory and they still had a day left.

Julie turned around and buried herself into Harry. She was freezing. The wind was picking up and she now had an unrelenting chill.

"Time to go?" Harry asked wrapping her in his arms and holding her tight.

"It's so perfect, but yes please, I'm so cold." She said to him.

"Wow, what a wimp." Niall said to Julie.

Julie just reached out and slid her hand so it touched Niall's back for a second.

"Holy shit!" He started laughing. "I think you have ice cubes on your fingers!"

"Yes, so shut up." She said pulling back so they could go.

Amanda shook her head. "Niall, love, will you never learn?"

Niall pulled Amanda to him. "Yeah, probably not." He laughed.

"I didn't figure." She said. "It is getting even colder though. Let's go warm up."

They all walked back to the hotel and into Harry's room. Amanda hugged Julie. "Are you going to be ok?" She stepped back and looked at her.

"Yeah, I think so. It's been rough to sort through, but I think I've just decided not to let it ruin this. Thank you for being there for me without even me having to ask." Julie said hugging her.

"You're worth it friend. I will always be there for you." She kissed her quick and stepped back, and then kinda looked at her when Julie gave her a look. "Oh, yeah. The club, my birthday. Well at least we had something to distract us from that awkward conversation." Amanda laughed.

"You know what? I don't even regret it. Maybe it got a little carried away because of the alcohol, but I couldn't love you more." Julie said.

"Wow, what have we done. Miss, I need to control everything, is ok with making out with me." Amanda laughed.

"Ok, you better go now." Julie gave her a look. "Before I change my mind."

Amanda laughed harder. "Ok, ok, I'm going." She walked over to Niall and blew Julie a kiss as they walked through the adjoining doors to their room.

Harry walked up to Julie and took her hands between his. He lifted them to his lips and blew his warm breath on them. "I don't think I've ever felt your hands this cold." He said trying to warm them up.

"Yeah, it's weird because my hands usually don't get real cold. I've had a chill since last night." She said looking up at him.

"I'm sure standing in the cold rain probably did that." He moved a strand of hair from her face. He then wiped a tear that fell from her eye onto her cheek. "Why are you crying?"

"I hated all of this. Every part. I hated her being able to get you to come to her, I hated feeling hurt and betrayed. I hated that it could even hurt me. I hated thinking I wasn't good enough. I hated feeling at all. I can't stand wanting and needing you so much that I feel literally broken when I think it's ending. I don't want to feel like this." She said. "I feel completely lost that these feelings came on so fast. I don't want to make you feel like I'm trying to change you or tell you who to hang out with. I hate that it makes me seem so irrational."

He kissed her forehead and then looked back at her. "It's love. Love isn't always rational. I know you want to control all of your feelings but sometimes you can't. You have to learn to deal with your feelings though, baby. You can't just hide them from me. I need to know how you're feeling."

"I was afraid to show you how angry it made me feel. I was afraid it would make you just run faster to her. Because it would make me seem crazy." She said taking a deep breath to try to stop her tears.

"Julie, an argument isn't going to make me leave you. And about being crazy, having feelings isn't crazy. When I saw you at the club, when that guy was trying to get you to leave with him; I seriously thought about knocking him out. I get jealous too. I know you never believe that, but I do. I love you and I didn't think about how it would make you feel. I get that if I would have explained to you what I was doing, or taken you with me this wouldn't have happened. You getting angry, you being jealous, even though you have nothing to be jealous about, is understandable. You just have to stop hiding all your feelings." He put his fingers under her chin, lifted it and kissed her lips. "I don't care how crazy it seems to be this in love in two months. I love you and if you'd let me I'd tell the world."

"No world. Please. Just keep telling me. Just keep accepting my completely unreasonable, irrational, craziness. Please." She said burying herself into his body as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I wouldn't have you any other way. I kinda like your crazy." He laughed when he could feel her clench her teeth. "In fact, I love your crazy." He felt her body tremble as she started to cry. Finally. He really didn't like her crying, but he liked it when she finally decided to feel. He pulled back slightly and kissed her tears from her cheeks and chin. He then kissed her lips. When she put her hand behind his neck he deepened the kiss. He missed her the past 2 days. He wasn't sure how he was going to deal with the distance when she went back to LA and he had to travel. It was crazy it was this much, this quickly, but there wasn't anything he was going to be able to do about it now. He looked into her eyes. "Can I take you to bed now?"

"It's still relatively early." She looked up at him. She knew what he meant. She missed him and his touch too.

"I know, we have a lot of making up to do." He said pulling her hand towards the bedroom. "I need to feel you, I've missed your hands on me terribly."

"They're still pretty cold." She said walking slowly with him. He was walking backwards still pulling her hand.

"Oh, it will be the perfect way to warm them up." He said. When he reached the bed, he picked her up around the waist and set her on the bed. He put his knee on the bed and pushed her backwards slowly as he climbed over her. He slowly raised her shirt and kissed her stomach and up her chest as he removed it from her head. He watched her chest move up and down as she breathed. He buried his face in her chest. He just wanted to be near her, feel her, smell her.

Julie closed her eyes when he laid on her chest. She held him tightly for a minute and then slowly started to work his shirt up and pulled it off when he finally picked his head up. She loved seeing him shirtless. She ran her fingers over his tattoos.

"You know it drives me crazy when you do that." He said and then crushed his body to hers kissing her deeply. After a few minutes, he pushed himself up and slowly removed her pants. He kissed every inch of her body while he did. He slid quickly out of the remainder of his clothes and slowly entered her. He wanted this feeling to last forever. He made love to her slowly, and by the time they were done, they were both overcome both physically and emotionally. They didn't leave each other's arms. Nothing else mattered. He wasn't letting her leave his arms just yet. They fell asleep just like that.

Niall walked up behind Amanda when they got settled. He wrapped his arms around her. "So, are you feeling better now that Harry and JJ seem to have worked through their issues?"

She turned so she was facing him. "Yes, I do. I'm glad she finally decided to stand up for herself and basically go get him from Kendall."

"Yeah, I knew she could do it. Harry was quite shocked when he saw Kendall there. I don't know what she's trying to do, but I can promise you Harry had nothing to do with it." He said.

"Yeah I'm starting to get that. And thank you for basically making her realize she just had to talk to him at the tower; that she didn't have to worry about him choosing Kendall. You're a great friend to her Niall, and it means so much to me." She said kissing him.

"And we're good right, Princess?" He ran his thumb over her cheek.

"Yes babe. We're fine. We won't get through our whole relationship without arguing. But we're great. I love you. That won't change." She said kissing him again.

He smiled. "Oh, thank god. I love you so much." He kissed her deeper. "I think I might love Paris." He laughed and picked her up.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love every place I'm with you. It doesn't matter where."

"Well you will be everywhere I am as much as you can be." He took her to the bed. "I know it's going to be hard because of how much traveling and touring we are doing, but I believe as long as we have each other we can make it through everything." He said laying her down and climbing over her.

"We can. And we will. And I will miss you so so so much but knowing I will be seeing you will get me through." She reached up and took his shirt off. "It's time to get naked now boyfriend."

"Oh, we could spend all our time naked." He said as he helped remove her shirt.

"Yeah, I'm not sure I'd like you naked on stage." Amanda laughed as he kissed her collar bone.

"Ok, all our time alone together." He said as he helped her finish undressing.

"Stop talking." She said pulling him to her and kissing him. She reached down and undid his pants rolled him over helped get him completely out of them. She climbed over him and looked down at him running her hands down his stomach.

Niall took in a sharp breath and grabbed her shoulders and rolled her over onto her back. He ran his hands down her chest and over her stomach and between her thighs.

After a few minutes of that Amanda pushed him over and straddled him again. She placed herself over him so he could enter her. She moved slowly at first enjoying the feeling. She was gaining such a high with his hands cupping and squeezing her breasts. When his hands found their way down between her thighs and he rubbed his fingers close to where they were joined, the feeling was so overwhelming, she threw her head back and practically screamed his name. She didn't want the feeling to stop but she could tell she was hitting the end. The pleasure and pain was so intense she felt like she was going to explode. "Oh god, Niall." She squeezed her knees into his sides as she came.

When he felt her finish, he kept moving until he exploded into her also. Oh, god this woman made him feel so good. He wrapped her in his arms when she collapsed on top of him.

After Amanda caught her breath, which took a while, she rolled over and cuddled up to him. "I love you Niall."

"I love you too, Princess. Goodnight my love." He kissed her head and held her while she fell asleep. He was so glad the past couple days were over and that they were all basically back to normal. Her and JJ were a blessing to his life he was grateful for. All of the things he got to do and places he got to travel who would have thought he would find his love when he was in the hospital. He fell asleep watching her sleep.


	33. Chapter 33

A few weeks later, Amanda walked into the apartment and her phone started ringing. She knew it was Niall, he called every morning right around the time she would be getting in from work. It was close to Thanksgiving and they hadn't seen each other in weeks. "Hey babe." Amanda said answering and putting her things down.

"Hey Princess. How was work?" Niall asked.

"Busy, but relatively normal night." Amanda said making her way to the kitchen. "Do you know when you are going to be able to get here yet?" She asked. She asked every morning. Neither Niall, nor Harry knew when they would actually be able to come. They just knew it would be sometime before the Thanksgiving holiday and that was in only days. She was getting impatient.

"Not yet. We should know soon, we were promised we would be able to get there to celebrate Thanksgiving with you." Niall said. They continued their conversation for a bit longer when Amanda heard Harry interrupt Niall. "Hey Princess Harry wants to know if JJ's sleeping because she isn't answering her phone."

"No, she's still at work. She's been picking up extra hours during the day. I don't know how she does it half the time." Amanda said.

"I'm going to put you on speaker ok? Harry apparently needs to have a conversation and since he can't talk to JJ he's going to bother us." Niall said.

Amanda laughed. "That's fine, I like Harry."

"Thanks Amanda." Harry said laughing. "Why is she picking up extra shifts so much?"

"Well, she's going to kill me if I tell you guys, you know that right?" Amanda said.

"Why?" Both Harry and Niall asked at the same time.

"Well, between her medical bills from Vegas and her student loans and the bills and rent from our unpaid time off with you guys she's having a hard time. Plus, our dream apartment opened up in our building, and we had been saving for that, because it's much bigger, but she's had to spend some of that. And if we don't come up with the security deposit, plus first and last months rent for that, we won't get it.  And they only gave us until the end of this week to come up with it. I told her I could help her with this apartment's rent but of course she wasn't having it. There's no way we can come up with the money for the other apartment though." Amanda explained. Oh, JJ was so going to kill her.

"And why are we just hearing about this now?" Harry asked. "Why wouldn't she, or you for that matter, let us know? We told you we would cover whatever you needed if you came to London with us."

"Have you met your girlfriend before? Do you think her stubborn ass would ask anyone for help? I'm doing ok, I don't have her medical bills or student loans. She didn't even let me know how bad her medical bills were until she had to tell me she couldn't come up with her part of the security deposit in time. Apparently, the hospital in Vegas is out of network for the insurance we have, so she has to pay a lot out of pocket. And that's when I figured out why she was working 16-20 hour days so much." Amanda said.

"Well how come you never told me you were thinking of moving?" Niall asked.

"I don't know, we've been thinking about this apartment for so long I guess it just didn't seem like something to bring up. We weren't sure we were going to get it. It's not that big of a deal. We are fine where we are." Amanda said. It got too quiet on the other end. "Um, what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing, we have to go though, gotta be on our way to another interview." Niall said.

"Alright, I hope you find out soon when you get to come here, I'm going crazy. I love you." Amanda said.

"I love you too, Princess." Niall said. "I will call you later."

A few hours later, Julie came walking into the apartment building exhausted after yet another 16 hour shift. She was dragging her feet, head down. She looked up when she heard her name. It was the building manager.

"I was just going up to your apartment." He said to her.

"For what?" Julie asked. "Is there something wrong?"

"No just to give you these." He said handing her a set of keys.

"What are these?" Julie asked confused.

"The keys to the apartment that opened up you guys wanted." He looked at her strangely.

"Why would you give me these?" Julie asked.

"Why wouldn't I? The payments came in today." He went over to the desk, took out the receipt, and brought it back to Julie.

Julie looked at it and her jaw dropped. The security deposit, last and this months rent and then rent paid for an additional 6 months showed on the receipt. She looked at him. "This has to be a mistake."

"No mistake. The apartments yours. You guys waited a long time. Congratulations." He said walking away.

Julie stared at the paper a little longer and then went up to the apartment and straight to Amanda's room.

"Amanda wake up." She said sitting down on Amanda's bed.

Amanda turned over. "What? What's wrong? Why did you call me Amanda?"

"What did you do?" Julie asked her.

"JJ, what in god's name are you babbling about." Amanda sat up and looked at her.

"What did you do, Amanda?" Julie asked again. "Why did the building manager just hand me the keys to the bigger apartment and a receipt with everything paid for including 6 months rent in advance?"

"Stop calling me Amanda!  I didn't do anything." She said. "I couldn't afford to do that." Then it hit her. "Oh."

"Oh? What did you do?" Julie asked her again.

"Harry may have asked why you were working so much. And I may have told him and Niall about everything, including us wanting the new apartment." Amanda said looking at her. She watched Julie get up. "I'm sorry JJ. Really, I am I didn't think they would do this. They were upset we didn't tell them we needed more help after they talked us into going to London. But I definitely did not know this would happen."

"I know how much you want this apartment Amanda but this is just a lot. I don't know if I can just accept this. He needs to stop just doing stuff like this." Julie said. She was frustrated. It was a wonderful gesture but it was just so much.

"I didn't ask JJ. And I wouldn't. I'm just as surprised at this as you are. Could you please stop calling me Amanda, though?" Amanda said.

"Sorry Panda. I wish you wouldn't have told Harry though." Julie said to her.

"He was concerned why you were working so much. Why he never gets to talk to you anymore. Hell, I'm concerned you're working so much. I did tell them we were fine in the apartment we are in though. Apparently, we have boyfriends who don't always listen." Amanda said to her.

"I guess I have to deal with him, and this, later. I have to shower and try and get some sleep I'm hoping to pick up another shift tonight." Julie said going towards Amanda's door.

"No, you will not. JJ, you have worked 10 days straight and most of those were more than 12 hour shifts. Enough is enough already. And if I have to sleep with you today in order to make sure you don't answer your phone and make sure you sleep, I will." Amanda said to her.

"Alright, alright. I won't take a shift tonight. Although we have off like 4 or 5 days in a row with them coming for Thanksgiving. I miss out on all that and double time. I should just take this one more shift." Julie said.

"No. I don't care if we don't take the apartment or if we never get it. You get some rest. Please." Amanda said. "And we will deal with Niall and Harry together because I know Niall is not innocent in this either."

Julie just shook her head. They meant well but she was still very uncomfortable taking Harry's money or gifts especially only 3 months into the relationship. "They are trouble. I'm going to bed. I don't even think I'm going to shower first." Julie said walking to her room.

About 3 am Amanda woke with a start. She swore she heard a knock on the door. What the hell. Who was knocking on the door at 3 am. She got out of bed and went towards the door when she heard the knock again. She looked through the peep hole and then whipped the door open and threw herself into Niall's arms. "Oh, my god what are you doing here? I didn't expect you."

Niall laughed. "Hi Princess. It was supposed to be a surprise. We didn't know until earlier today so we just decided to surprise you."

"I'm so happy to see you." She said kissing him.

"Can we come in?" Niall asked her since she still hadn't let go to go back into the apartment.

Amanda laughed. "Yes, of course." She hadn't even realized Harry was there she was so excited to see Niall. She didn't let go though so Niall practically carried her into the apartment. "I still can't believe this. It's like a dream come true. I think I was actually dreaming about you being here." Amanda laughed again.

Niall kissed her again and held her close.

"Sorry to interrupt." Harry said. "Is Julie here or is she working again?"

"She's supposed to be here. I threatened her so she wouldn't take another shift tonight, she wanted too." Amanda said.

"Well I'm hoping she stops working so much." Harry said.

"Yeah, I gathered that when I saw the receipt where all of a sudden, we got the new apartment, everything paid for and 6 month's rent in advance. You two wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Amanda asked looking from Niall to Harry.

Both Harry and Niall just looked at her.

"Yeah that's what I thought. But oooooohhhhh are you guys in trouble. The building manager caught JJ coming in this afternoon and gave her the keys and receipt. She came directly to my room and asked what I did and called me Amanda like three times. I had to ask her to stop because I didn't do anything." Amanda said to them laughing.

"Yes, you are." They heard and turned around. They saw Julie standing in her bedroom door arms crossed leaning against the doorframe.

"Oh, come on, you can't be mad." Harry said smiling and walking towards her.

"My boyfriend needs to start treating me like a big girl and stop thinking he can just come in and fix all my problems." Julie said looking at him.

"My girlfriend needs to accept that I want to help fix her problems. It's what I'm here for." He said stopping in front of her.

"No, it's not. You're here for many other things. Spending money on me unnecessarily is not one of them." She said looking up at him.

"It was necessary. You guys need a bigger apartment. You got me and Niall who are going to be here as much as we can." He put his hand on the side of her neck.

"Harry, you have a huge house in LA. You need to come up with better excuses." Julie said reaching up and clasping her hands behind his neck.

"My house doesn't have you in it. So, it's not as welcoming anymore." He said leaning down and kissing her. "Hi."

"Hi." She smiled. "I'm not done with this yet. You are not out of the woods yet. You or Niall." Julie said glancing at him.

"Oh no, Amanda can deal with me." Niall laughed. "I don't want you to yell at me. I'm scared of you." He took Amanda's hand. "Sorry Harry." He grabbed his bag and went to Amanda's room with her.

"Don't hurt him too badly JJ." Amanda said laughing and winking as she shut her door.

Harry took her hand and walked into her room with her and set his bag down. He put his hands on her waist picked her up and set her on her bed and slowly climbed over her making her lay back on the bed. "You really wanna talk about this right now?"

"We need to talk about this." She said looking into his eyes.

"Ok, we can. Later." He said kissing her deeply. He pulled back slightly so he could look at her. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Oh, I have an idea. I missed you too." She reached up and played with his curl. "Your hair is getting so long. I love it."

"I love you." He said kissing her again.

"So shut up and show me." Julie said running her hands over his stomach. When he gave her a look she laughed. "I love you too, now will you shut up and show me?"

He kissed her and bit her lip. He basically ripped her shirt off of her.

Julie laughed when he did. God, she missed him. She helped him out of his clothes and laid back again as he laid over her. There was no more talking.

Niall pulled Amanda directly to him. "We need to figure this out better. I can't handle being away from you for weeks at a time."

"I know the feeling love but right now I don't think there's much we can do about it." She said to him.

"Well we will just have to work on it." He said to her kissing her.

"Let's just be happy we're together now. And we have days." Amanda said running her hands over his shoulders and back.

"Did you have anything particular in mind?" He asked running his hands under her shirt and over her stomach.

"It involves us being naked how you like it." She said laughing.

"Well what are we waiting for then?" He asked starting to take off her clothes.

She laughed. "Oh, lord I missed you." She said helping him undress also.

He walked her back to her bed picked her up put her on the bed and climbed over her. He kissed up her stomach, chest, neck and to her lips. When her nails dug into his back he pushed into her. The weeks were too long. This was exactly what he needed.


	34. Chapter 34

Julie woke up the next morning and smiled when she realized it wasn't a dream, and Harry was actually there with her. She hated it, but she felt complete when he was with her. She didn't want to need him but it definitely sucked when she couldn't be with him. She probably would never admit it out loud but she wanted to be with him all the time. She kissed his jawline and pushed herself up a little and that's when she saw it. He had his left arm up over his head and you couldn't miss it. He had a new tattoo. She wrinkled her brow and made a face. "What the hell?" She said out loud.

Harry opened his eyes. "What? What's wrong?"

She looked at him and then back at the tattoo. She just shook her head.

"What?" He laughed.

"I didn't know you were getting a new tattoo." She said. She wasn't quite sure how she was going to tell him she hated it.

"Well maybe if you didn't work all the time, and we actually had a conversation the past few weeks, you would have." He laughed at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Interesting choice." She sat up and put her feet on the floor.

"Whoa, wait." He pulled her back so her head was laying on his stomach. "What's wrong."

"Nothing, maybe it was my fault we didn't get to talk much but it would have been nice to know. Especially, well, the details." She said.

"You don't like it?" He asked playing with her hair.

She smiled at him playing with her hair, he'd never done that before. "Doesn't matter. It's your body."

"Yeah but I want you all over my body so...." He laughed.

"Well I may not have chosen some of those details, like the mermaid, or being completely uncovered." She said.

"So, you don't like anything about it." He said laughing.

"I like the person it's on." She said. "That's all that matters." She sat up, leaned down and kissed him. "The rest doesn't matter." She put her feet back down on the floor.

"I swear that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say." He laughed again. "But, where are you going?"

"I have a couple of things to take care of, then we have to start moving, and then I have to get started for Thanksgiving, it's in two days and now I'm not sure how I'm going to get it all done." She said.

"So, you're taking the apartment?" He asked her sitting up.

"Yes, Panda really wants it." She said getting up and going to her desk.

"And what about you?" He asked.

"It's a great apartment, Harry. But I would have been just fine staying here." She said leaning down and writing.

"Well I'm glad you're accepting it." He said.

She walked over to him and handed him a check.

"What's this?" He said looking at it.

"Partial payment. I'm paying you back." She said walking to her dresser.

"Cute, but I'm not taking this." He said holding it out.

"Yes, you are. I will accept the loan to get the apartment but I'm paying you back." She said getting her clothes. "Every penny."

"Julie, will you stop being so damn stubborn." He said.

"No, Harry. I'm grateful for you and everything you do and you've done, but I can't just take this. It's way too much." She said taking her clothes into the bathroom and then coming back out.

"It's not." He got up and walked to her. "I love you, and I will say it again, I don't care how crazy it seems that it happened so fast. You work really hard it's not like you're expecting a hand out. Both you and Amanda work extremely hard for what you have. Julie, you help save lives. I don't think you should have to miss out on this because of bad timing."

"I'm not missing out. Thanks to you and Niall. And I can still pay you back." She said.

He shook his head at her. "Guess I need a frame. Because, stubborn ass, that's the only place this check is going. I won't cash it." He said walking over and putting it in his bag.

"Harry, I wish you would realize how important it is that I can take care of myself." She leaned back against the chair by her desk.

"Baby, there is no doubt you can take care of yourself." He said walking back over to her and taking her hands. "That's not what this is." He kissed her.

"We aren't done with this Harry. You need to cash the check. But I will argue with you later about it because I have a ton of things to do." She said walking over to the laptop.

"You are so lucky I love your stubbornness. What are you doing now?" He said.

"My payment on my hospital bill is due, I'm signing in to make it." She said. "Then I have to shower and see what Amanda wants to do with moving and then grocery shop for Thanksgiving."

"Speaking of Thanksgiving. Niall and I invited some more people to come since they were going to be in LA." He said.

"How many people Harry?" She looked up at him.

"Seven or eight, I think." He said.

"What?? Seriously? Harry even the new apartment isn't going to be big enough for that." She said.

"Well we can do it at my house then. Please, baby?" He said.

She took a deep breath. "Fine, but so much for moving because to get that much food done I should have started 2 days ago." She went back to the lap top. "What the hell? Harry what did you do?"

He laughed. "Wait, I didn't do anything else. What are you talking about?"

"My medical bills are paid in full." She said.

"Well I promise it wasn't me. I tried, not gonna lie, but they were already paid." He said. "That's why I was kind of surprised when you said you were going on to pay them."

"Then who?" Julie thought about it and then got up.

"Where are you going?" He followed her to Amanda's room.

Julie knocked on the door. When she heard come in, she opened the door. "I think I may need to have a talk with your boyfriend." She said to Amanda who was combing her hair.

"He's in the shower but why would you have to talk to him?" She asked looking at her.

"Somehow my medical bills were paid to the hospital in Vegas in full and Harry doesn't know anything about it. Who else could it be?" Julie said crossing her arms.

"Well. it wasn't me." Niall said coming out of the bathroom. "Harry said he was going to pay them so I didn't bother."

"And I told you they were already paid when I tried." Harry said leaning in the doorway.

Julie wrinkled her brow and then looked at Amanda who was practically trying to hide even though she had nowhere to hide. "Amanda! What did you do?"

"Stop calling me Amanda, damn it." She set the brush down and turned around. "Look, since Niall and Harry paid for the apartment I had all the extra money I was going to use for that. Figured there couldn't be a better use for it than that."

"You people need to stop! I swear to God, I can't take this." Julie said walking out of Amanda's room and back to hers.

Harry laughed. "Couldn't be outdone huh? Well, at least I'm not the only one she's going to give hell now."

"I just find it completely unfair that jackass is the one who did it to her and she has to work her ass off to pay the bills. If I could have, I would have made his ass pay them." Amanda said. "But yes, should be quite the interesting day. She's honestly already said more than I expected. I figured she would just internalize and try to process all this. Wish she would realize once she deserves friends and to be helped."

"Maybe, someday." Harry said as he watched Julie walk back into the room and go to Amanda.

"Here." Julie said handing Amanda a check. "It's all I have right now, but I will pay you back as soon as I can. I'm going to call work and see if I can get some more shifts. You are all on your own for Thanksgiving. I'm going to work I'm sure there are a ton of people who would rather have off. And next time any of you have bright ideas that involve your money, and my problems, keep them to yourselves." She said turning on her heel and walking out the door.

Amanda, Harry and Niall all laughed. "There it is." Harry said. "That guard, so she doesn't have to feel overwhelmed and process what she's feeling."

"Yeah, well, I'm not cashing the check. Maybe I will frame it." Amanda said.

"I said the same thing when she handed me one to start paying me back." Harry laughed.

"I better go stop her from calling work." Amanda said.

"I figured she might try something even before I knew it was you, so....." Harry pulled Julie's phone out of his pocket. "She can't call if she doesn't have her phone."

"Oh geez," Niall said. "I'm so glad I'm not you right now."

"I'm always in hot water anyway." Harry said laughing.

"Harry!" They heard Julie exclaim. "Where's my phone?"

The three of them walked out into the front room to Julie standing with her arms crossed.

"Safely in my pocket." He said. "You're not going to work."

"He's right." Amanda said. "And I'm not cashing that check so you don't have to worry about it."

"Yes, you are. Both of you are. Stop doing this, seriously." Julie clenched her teeth.

"JJ, we all know you have a hard time accepting help. But we want to help." Amanda said walking up to her.

"I haven't done anything for anyone. All I've done is cause problems, and drama, and grief and people to spend their money on me. How do you think that makes me feel?" Julie said clenching her teeth again and crossing her arms tighter. "Don't you think all of this makes me feel like more of a failure? Do any of you think about how any of this makes me feel? I swear all you worry about is how it makes you feel to help. Great, glad, but your help is caused by my failures."

"Well, maybe if you would show how you feel instead of hiding we would all be better off." Niall said.

"Niall, babe, we have glasses, you better watch out." Amanda said. She knew maybe it wasn't time to joke but JJ needed to realize they were all there for her.

"I can't take this. I need to get out of this fucking place." Julie said walking to her room. She didn't even bother showering. She threw her jeans on and pulled her hair up in a ponytail. She felt Harry's arms wrap around her from behind. She didn't even hear him come in. "Stop." She tried to pull away.

"No, stop pushing aside the feelings." He kissed her neck. "It's ok to feel overwhelmed. It's ok to cry. But you are not allowed to feel like a failure. Amanda was right. It's not fair you get stuck with all the medical bills when it wasn't your fault. You were trying to protect Amanda and the rest of us. Julie, life hasn't been fair to you, now you have people who truly want to help. And believe me you do more than you think."

"I don't." Julie started.

"You do." Amanda said appearing in her doorway. "But this isn't going to be a fight. I was glad to do it. And maybe what Harry and Niall did is too much but it's already done. We can discuss that later. But they will be here awhile. We can work that out. Harry's right though. Stop pushing the feelings aside. It's ok to be overwhelmed and grateful. It's ok to accept help from those who love you especially when they can do it." Amanda said walking over to her.

"I can't take this." Julie said again.

"I know." Amanda said hugging her.

Harry and Niall wrapped their arms around the girls. When Julie started to cry, she said to all of them. "I hate you all."

"We know." They all said at once and laughed.

Julie pulled back and pushed them away. "Ok, get away now. I've, or I should say, we've got a ton of things to do. Apparently, Niall and Harry invited a ton more people, so much for an intimate Thanksgiving with the 4 of us."

Amanda looked at Niall. "You did?"

"Yes, only like seven or eight more people." Niall shrugged.

"Only?" Amanda laughed. "Seriously? Where are we going to put all these people?"

"My house." Harry said. "I've got plenty of room."

"Sometimes I wonder if the 2 of them think we're magicians instead of regular girls." Julie said. "I'm going to finally shower and then figure out what we are going to need for groceries for a million people and then Harry you are going to have to take us to your house. It's going to be non-stop until Thanksgiving." Julie said wiping her eyes. "And I swear if any of you make me cry again I will hurt you." She turned and went into her bathroom.

Niall looked at Harry and laughed. "How do you deal with all that?"

Harry shook his head and laughed. "I don't know but I can't imagine not dealing with it."

Amanda pushed on Harry a little. "Thanks for loving her."

"No thanks needed. As funny as it sounds. It's pretty easy. Thanks for being her friend and always there." He kinda pulled on Amanda's hair.

"Eh, it's easy." She laughed.

Niall laughed. "Just wish it was as easy for her to deal with herself as it is for us to deal with her." He shook his head. "That's the weirdest thing I've ever said."

"Oh, I don't know about that dear." Amanda said laughing.

"Be nice." Niall said taking her hand. "Let's go talk about a moving plan. Since you're going to be busy cooking with JJ, Harry and I can maybe get things started on the move."

"Oh, you are a knight. I don't wanna do any heavy lifting." Amanda said walking out with him.


	35. Chapter 35

Later that night Julie was finishing putting away all the groceries at Harry's house when Harry walked in.  She was able to order everything online to be delivered; it made everything so much easier.  Harry and Niall also had called and hired movers to move everything from their current apartment to the new apartment.  She had to admit it was nice to not have to worry about so much.  Niall and Amanda had just left to go get his place ready as guests were going to stay at both his and Harry's house during the holiday.  She turned around, yawned and wrapped her arms around Harry's waist when he walked up to her.

"Tired?"  He asked kissing her quickly on the lips.

"Yes, but I should start making some food for Thanksgiving.  I don't think I can get it all done tomorrow.  Although this kitchen might make it easier."  She looked up at him.  "You spent a lot of time with the movers."

"Yeah most things are moved.  Rest will be finished up tomorrow.  I have a question though."  He took her hand and walked her to his living room where there was a box sitting by his couch.  He sat her down and opened the box to reveal her notebooks.  Lots of notebooks, every one of them looked exactly the same.

"Oh.  So, you found the compartment in my headboard?"  Julie said looking down at the notebooks.

"Yes, sneaky.  I always thought you had the same notebook, but apparently, you've been doing this for a long time."  He said looking at her.

"Did you read them?"  She asked still staring at the books.

"No, I thought about it, but I figured since you're so secretive about it, I shouldn't.  I would really like too though.  How long have you been doing this?"  He asked.

"For as long as I can remember."  She said closing the box back up.

"Why are you so secretive about it?"  He asked watching her take the box and putting it by the door.

"Harry, by now you should know everything is complicated."  She said sitting back down next to him and laying her head on his shoulder.

He put his arm around her and automatically kissed her head.  "I know, but this seems like such a big part of you.  Of who you are and I really want to be a part of all of you."

She picked her head up, turned towards him and took his hands.  "I will talk to you a little more about this after Thanksgiving.  I promise.  But I need this one thing Harry.  It's the only thing I have left that's mine.  I know that probably doesn't make much sense to you, but you and Panda have made me talk about everything, made me share everything.  I feel completely exposed and that's extremely hard for me.  I need to know I have at least one thing I still have for myself.  One thing I know I always have and can always rely on."

"It makes sense to write things down, have private thoughts.  I keep a journal also, separate from everything else.  But this is more than that, isn't it? It's more creative than just thoughts, isn't it?  I've felt it since you gave Amanda her birthday poem.  I don't want you to feel that way though.  I don't want you to think you have to hide something in order for it not to hurt you.  I want you to believe that I would support and be proud of anything that you do."  Harry said.  "I'm not going to lie it kind of hurts you don't trust me.  That you would think I wouldn't encourage it."

"It's not that Harry.  It's so personal.  No matter what format it's written in.  It's everything, good and bad.  I know I wrote the poem for Panda on her birthday, and shared it, but this is a lot more than that.  It's not just random poems.  This really isn't about you and I.  I'm sorry, really, I am, but I just can't open that up.  I just can't."  She looked down at their hands.  "I don't want to argue with you or cause any tension.  We don't get much time together.  But please, just don't push this right now.  Please?"

He wanted her to show him, to open it up to him.  He wanted her to share everything with him, but he did understand.  It was her safety.  She held everything so close to her so she wouldn't lose everything if things went bad.  She didn't know any better.  Still hurt, but he did understand.  "I hate it, I really hate it.  Not so much your journal thoughts, but the other things.  Your creativity and all.  But I understand.  Just know when you're ready I can't wait to see that part of you."  He had a feeling that was going to be the only way he would know everything about her.  It was tough knowing she wasn't willing to share it all with him.  He had to remember though it's only been three months.  Seemed like so much longer but it wasn't.  It would be a short time in a normal relationship but with everything she's already shared it really was a lot to ask.

"Thank you.  I am sorry it hurts you.  I really don't want to hurt you."  She kept looking at their hands.

He took one hand from her and lifted her chin, and when she slowly raised her eyes to his, he looked into them.  "I know you don't.  Thank you for explaining and not just running and pushing me away.  Do you want to just stay here tonight?  That way you can just get started right away in the morning?"  He asked.

"You mean right now?  Because I swear I'm not going to get everything done the way it is."  She said.

"No, not right now.  Right now, I'm taking you to bed.  As you said, we don't get a lot of time together and I've missed you for weeks and I'm not wasting anytime we have alone."  He stood up and pulled her with him.  When he saw her bite her bottom lip, and her eyes fill with tears he asked.  "What's wrong?"

"Nothing.  Seriously, nothing and that's really, really, really overwhelming.  I'm scared.  It really scares me when everything seems good.  I don't know how I managed to find someone like you.  And I don't mean One Direction Harry Styles, I just mean my super sensitive, super understanding, crazy, funny, amazing Harry."  She said as she followed him slowly to his room.  "I almost wish it was just you and me for Thanksgiving."

"You, being so sweet, still freaks me out a little."  He laughed.  "But it's just us right now."

"Why are you crying now?"  She laughed through her tears.

"You, they aren't sad tears.  We've gone through a lot already but I feel extremely lucky that you chose to open up to me."  He pulled her close to him.

"I'm the lucky one, I'm extremely grateful that you chose to stay instead of jumping in the ocean and swimming away, when I told you about the craziness."  She started to unbutton his shirt.

"That would have been a long swim."  He laughed when she pinched him but continued to unbutton his shirt.  "We all have pasts. I wish yours was different, but it wasn't.  All we can do is make it better."  He picked her up around the waist and took her to bed.

Harry woke up the next morning and made his way to the kitchen.  Julie wasn't in bed, but he could hear her in the kitchen.  He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her.  "Um, how am I supposed to keep my hands off you, and let you cook, when you look like that?"  He looked at her standing on her toes, reaching into the cupboard in just his t-shirt.

She brought what she needed down, put it on the counter and smiled at him.  "I'm waiting for my clothes to dry, I washed them this morning since I didn't bring a change of clothes.  You have no choice; I got a million things to do today, since you invited the world to Thanksgiving tomorrow."

"I'm starting to regret that right about now."  He walked up behind her and put his hands on her hips.  He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck.

"Harry, I mean it."  She turned and pushed him away.  "I have to do this.  You're just going to have to behave until after."

"We can just order it all cooked and have it delivered."  He walked back up behind her, he reached around and tried to run his hand up her thigh and under the shirt.

She stopped his hand.  "I know we could, but this is important to me.  It's important.  I've always loved Thanksgiving dinner.  I love that it's home cooked.  Even though I might not get everything perfect I don't want it to be cooked by someone else."

"This is killing me."  He took a deep breath and then turned her around to face him.  "I want to take you right here, right now."  He laughed at how uncomfortable him saying that made her.  "But it sounds great having you make Thanksgiving dinner.  I'm going to take a cold shower, a very cold shower and then go meet Niall and finish moving everything.  Is Amanda coming here?"

"I think so."  She said looking up at him and put her hands on his chest.

He ran his hands over her butt.  "You really are killing me right now."  He kissed her and then deepened the kiss.  He then rested his forehead on hers with his eyes closed.  "Seriously want you."  He whispered to her.

She bit the inside of her lip, walked quickly over to the fridge and took a few things out and turned on the oven.  "Well, the oven has to preheat, and things have to thaw.  I guess I have a few minutes."  She said backing towards his room.

"Oh, this will be so much better than a cold shower."  He hurried towards her, grabbed her around the waist, pulled her to him, and they barely made it back to the bed.

Harry walked back into the kitchen after he was showered and dressed.  "Thank goodness you are in your clothes now."  He laughed.

"Just stay away, I seriously need to get things going.  Least you have a massive kitchen and can cook more than one thing at a time."  She looked at him.  "Not that I'm complaining about earlier."

"Oh, no complaints here either."  He leaned over the counter and stole a kiss.  "I love waking up and seeing you first thing.  Hope it happens lots more."

"You know with your schedule it can't.  But I know what you mean."  She kept prepping things.

Harry stole one more kiss, and when he heard the doorbell, he figured it was Amanda.  "I will go let Amanda in and meet Niall.  I will see you tonight.  Love you, baby."

"Love you too.  See you soon."  She said as she turned and went back to the fridge.

Amanda walked in.  "Wow, it smells amazing in here already."

"I've just started some desserts.  I'm not really sure how much to make since we don't even really know who or how many are going to be here."  She started cutting up apples for apple pies.

"Yeah Niall didn't really specify who was coming either, guess I didn't bother asking."  She said walking around the counter.  "So, what can I help with?"

"There's some recipes over by the fridge for a few other desserts.  Take your pick.  Desserts and everything that stays cold can be made today and there are a few things that can be prepped to bake tomorrow.  Harry also ordered a huge turkey so I'm super glad he has 2 ovens.  I'm super nervous about this, but it also feels good to be making it.  Weird, right?"  Julie asked.

"Not really.  It's nice to be "home", I mean I know it's Harry's home, but it's basically home.  Nice having it "normal" in a way.  You know what I mean."  Amanda said looking through everything.  "Man, this is a lot.  But I guess 10-12 or so people is a lot of people."  She shook her head.  "They could have asked."  She laughed.

"Yeah I told Harry I wished it was just the 2 of us.  But guess if this is what they want than it's ok."  She put the apples into the pie crust.

"Not even me and Niall?"  Amanda asked laughing.  "I see how it is."

"Yeah, I don't know.  Everything is just always so busy and so chaotic when we're together usually.  I just thought some time alone would basically give us confirmation of our relationship, or something like that."  Julie said.  "It's hard to explain."

"You still have doubts?  Really?"  Amanda asked.

"Not really doubts.  We just haven't had a time where something didn't get in the way.  The first time we were basically trying, was after Vegas, and we know that wasn't normal, then Paris, but we know what happened there.  I'm just waiting for the time when we're together; without something blowing up in our face."  She said.

"Seems to me if you can get through all that, it should be the only confirmation you need."  Amanda told her.

"Yeah, but something tells me he thrives on being a savior of sorts.  He likes to save me.  What happens when I no longer need to be saved?"  She said putting the pies into the oven.

"Oh, stop worrying."  Amanda said to her.  "Just be happy you guys are together."

"I am.  Really I am.  I just told him I couldn't believe how lucky I got with him.  Things are just too good.  I'm not comfortable with that."  Julie said.  
Amanda laughed.  "Yeah I can see how that would make you uncomfortable.  But it's where you want to be, trust me."

Later on, that evening, Amanda and Julie were still working hard in the kitchen but they accomplished a lot of what they wanted.  "It's getting late I can't believe they aren't back yet."  Julie said.  "I'm exhausted.  And to think tomorrow we have to do this again."  She laughed.

"Ugh I know, I don't think I want to even think about food anymore."  Amanda laughed.

"Yeah, but I'm starving."  Julie laughed.  "All this food and we haven't even eaten.  Maybe the boys will bring some dinner."

"Babe!"  The girls heard Harry call out from the foyer.  "We're here."

Julie and Amanda grabbed a towel and wiped their hands as they walked towards them.  "It's about time, we're so hungry did you bring dinner?"  Julie asked.

"No, you've been around food all day, why didn't you eat?"  Niall asked.

"Because we've been around food all day."  Julie laughed.

"Dammit JJ." Amanda said as JJ stopped in her tracks and she ran right into her back, but then Amanda saw it too.  Both her and JJ's families were standing with Niall and Harry.  They both gasped and neither moved.  They were completely surprised and in shock.  After a couple of minutes, they looked at each other, threw the towels they had at the guys, and ran up and hugged their mom's first.

"I can't believe you guys flew all the way out here!"  Julie said.  "I can't believe he got you on an airplane.  I haven't been able to get you on an airplane."

"He's very convincing," Donna, Julie's mom said.  "Tickets in first class and a driver to and from the airport.  Plus, a personal pick up here.  How can one argue with that?"

Julie looked back at Harry.  "Yeah, you can't really argue with him.  Although if you ask him he will probably say I try to too much."

"I don't think I have to ask him.  Pretty sure I know that about you already."  She said.

"Come on let me show you guys around and to your rooms."  Harry said to Julie's mom, step-dad Tom, brother Michael and her brother's girlfriend Katie.

"I can't believe you guys didn't tell me!"  Amanda said after she hugged everyone.

"Niall was very specific that it be a surprise."  Sue, Amanda's mom said.  "I think it's brilliant.  It's great to be able to see you on Thanksgiving."

"I'm so excited!"  Amanda said starting to cry.  "It's so overwhelming."

"Should have known you would start to cry."  Amanda's mom laughed at her.  "I'm glad we could surprise you."

Niall addressed Amanda, Sue, Amanda's brother Jay and his wife.  "We will order some dinner and then take you back to my house for the night."

Everyone sat down to dinner and conversation was plentiful.  Amanda noticed that JJ and her mom seemed to have kind of an awkward encounter at one point but nothing seemed to come of it. She also noticed JJ would play buffer whenever Harry would engage her mom in conversation.  Seemed like she didn't want Harry to speak to her mom alone very often. When she questioned JJ she just said it was an ongoing struggle in their relationship.  Once again, she would question her later but was going to let it go for now.  Time to concentrate on the families and Thanksgiving.  It was nice to show their boyfriends what a traditional Thanksgiving in the United States was like.

Amanda's brother Jay came up and put his arm around Amanda, but addressed Niall. "So, Niall, what's your intentions with my sis here? Is there something we're going to have to watch out for? Another woman in another country? The other coast?"

Amanda backhanded her brother in the chest.  "Jay! Seriously?!"

"I mean I have to look out for my big sister."  Jay said.

Niall looked up at Jay.  He was a big guy.  He definitely didn't want to mess with him.  He was almost as scary as JJ was.  He laughed at the thought. "No, no, nothing like that.  Believe me.  There is no one else.  Just Amanda.  I promise.  Don't hurt me."  He laughed a bit uncomfortably.

"Alright, but I will be back if you mess with my sister."  Jay said as he clapped Niall's shoulder a little bit harder than he needed too.

Niall rubbed his shoulder and watched Jay walk away.  "Ok, so he's scary.  Maybe I need JJ to protect me.  Why do you have such scary people protecting you?  First JJ, and now him."  Niall laughed trying to joke.

"Oh, don't worry about him.  I got you babe."  Amanda said laughing and giving him a kiss.  "I won't let him hurt you."

Later on, that evening, Niall and Amanda took her family back to Niall's house.  And they rested up for what was sure to be a busy Thanksgiving Day.


	36. Chapter 36

The next day Julie, Amanda and the women finished up the cooking for a late afternoon meal.  The men watched sports and had a few drinks before dinner.  Julie thought it was going better than she initially expected.  Everyone seemed to get along and there were no conflicts.  She was hoping it would continue.

They were almost through dinner and Amanda noticed Julie was pretty quiet, but whenever anyone brought up her and Harry; she was quick to change the subject.  It seemed odd to Amanda.  But it wasn't long until she realized why.

"Just seems like 3 months isn't long enough to figure all this out.  Especially you, Julie. We know how the last relationship went."  Donna said.

"Not now mom.  Can we talk about this later please?"  Julie said.

"When?  It's not like we see you ever."  She said.

"I know.  So, can we just pretend we're happy that we actually get to do it.  You know why I can't come back home, and until now, you haven't wanted to come here."  Julie said leaning back.  She all of a sudden lost her appetite.  She noticed everyone looking at her.  She knew this would happen eventually.  She knew her mom would question her relationship with Harry.  She hadn't shared with her family quite how serious it was yet.  Because of Johnny, her mom questioned her every decision.    
"Can we then discuss this in private, please?"

"I think they should know, Julie."  She said to her.

"They know mom, probably everyone."  Julie said glancing at Harry.

"Everything?"  She asked her.

"Mom, please."  Julie begged.  

"Did you tell them why you finally left?"  She asked.

"No."  Julie said quietly.  "Please mom, this isn't the time."

"So, they don't know it took 10 days in the hospital and surgery to finally make you walk away.  You think you're in love, but we've gone through that before.  Seems like you said it right away with Johnny too.  Look how that turned out.  It's only been 3 months.  And he's away most of the time."  Donna said.  "I think maybe you should think about this."

"Harry is not Johnny, he's everything Johnny wasn't.  He's kind, and patient, and understanding.  He's gentle and believes in me more than I ever could.  When I'm scared, he gets it, when I'm overwhelmed and can't deal, he doesn't tell me how I should feel or what I should do, he just lets me freak out.  And yet he has not once walked away.  I have pushed him away so hard; I have basically given him every excuse to walk away, I have given him so many outs and he refuses.  He hasn't given me a reason not to trust him when he's away.  I told you long before things went bad that there was something wrong and Johnny had everyone fooled.  Everyone said I was just being unreasonable when I said he was bad for me.  He put on such an act in front of everyone and had me so scared, I couldn't even tell anyone the details."  She stood up.  "Now, if you would like to continue this we can do it alone because Harry and everyone else do not need to hear all your doubts.  If you have a problem with me then let's take this outside."  She took her plate and she looked at Amanda, she didn't want this to become a war tonight and she was afraid of Amanda trying to protect her.  She could see it in Amanda's eyes.  She just shook her head at Amanda.  "Please don't."  She whispered.  She set her plate in the kitchen and went to the door to wait for her mom.  She saw Harry stand up.  She just shook her head at him and opened the door to go outside with her mom.

Harry sat back down and looked at his hands.

"Sorry about that," Michael said.  "Mom's worried.  We all are, but mom doesn't have the best timing, and she doesn't have much of a filter when she thinks she's right.  I don't think it has anything to do with you personally.  I think she would feel the same about any guy she was with.  Especially since it's the first one since Johnny."

"I saw firsthand what he was capable of.  I get the concern.  But I would never hurt her.  Not like that."  Harry said quietly.

"You saw firsthand?"  Michael questioned.

"Of course, she wouldn't have told anyone.  Yes, he found her in Vegas about 2 months ago, maybe a little less.  The confrontation didn't go well.  Took quite a bit from Amanda, Niall and myself to get her through it."  Harry said fighting to keep calm going back to that memory.

"Well every time she was battered and bruised before she just hid until it was healed or made something up.  He scared her so bad she wouldn't even tell us the truth.  Please don't hold my Mom's outburst against her though.  In the end, we just want what's best for my sister."  Michael said standing up.  "I think we're going to take a walk now, see a little bit of LA if that's ok with everyone."  He, Katie and their dad walked out.

"Amanda, Niall, maybe we should go."  Sue said.

"I'm truly sorry about all of this."  Harry said.  He had no clue it would go like this.

"It's not your fault Harry.  We will get through this too."  Amanda said hugging him.  She wished she could say something, but it was JJ's mom.  Oh, she would have a discussion with JJ later though.  They all said their goodbyes and left.  Amanda looked over at JJ and her mom.  "Niall, mom, give me a minute.  I'm sorry but I can't just leave."  She walked up to them.  "I'm sorry to interrupt."  She looked at JJ.  She knew JJ asked her to stay out of it but she just couldn't.  "I'm sorry, really, but someone has to say something."  She looked at Donna.  "Maybe you should stop being so hard on her."

"Panda.  Seriously.  It's ok.  Please don't."  Julie said.

"Sorry, JJ, but I have too."  Amanda said.  "She's gone through hell.  She's trying to pick up the pieces.  I understand you're concerned.  We all are.  We all want her to move on though.  To know she has people she can count on.  Harry has faced it all head on.  He loves her, I'm sorry you don't want to see that, but he does.  He has held her and helped her through a lot of issues already.  Yes, it's only been 3 months, yes, she has a lot to work through, yes, she's scared and pushes him away.  She questions everything already.  But she needs someone to love her, not question her.  Please just consider supporting her decisions instead of questioning them.  She didn't jump into this without her own questions.  I'm sorry.  I am.  But I think maybe you should be supportive instead of putting more questions into her head.  She doesn't need any help with that."  She hugged JJ.  "I don't want to leave.  But call me later.  Please."  She walked back and left with Niall and her family.

"I'm sorry mom."  Julie said looking at her hands.  "Sometimes Panda thinks she needs to protect me from everything."

Her mom looked at her.  "I don't want to see you hurt, watching what happened to you before hurt me more than anything.  He's a rock star Julie, one who is always on the road.  Always on the go.  Maybe he won't hurt you physically, but how can you say you love him when you hardly see him.  And so quickly."

"Because mom, we spend so much time on the phone all we can do is talk.  And learn everything about each other.  And he's been so supportive.  With my head, and the way I run, and react and push people away, he should have left a long time ago but he hasn't.  He holds on tighter.  Rock star or not, Harry is one of the nicest people I have ever met.  He may even be the nicest.  I need him mom, I just do."  Julie said.

About an hour later Julie walked in and to the kitchen.  Her mom went to her room.  Julie went to the fridge and got a bottle of water and sat at the counter.  She took a drink and rubbed her face with her hands.  She felt bad for Harry and about how uncomfortable everyone else had to be with that exchange.  She had just met Amanda's family and within a day, things went bad.  She was used to it but most people wouldn't be.  She really hoped Harry and Amanda's family weren't mad.

Harry came into the kitchen by her.  "Baby?  Are you ok?"  He asked.

Julie turned around on the stool.  "Yeah, I'm ok.  I figured it would happen at some point, I just didn't know it would in front of everyone.  I'm very sorry about it.  I'm used to it.  I'm just sorry you got pulled into it."

"Are you sure you're ok?"  He sat next to her.

"Yeah, Johnny changed a lot, well basically everything in my life.  I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer them, I promise.  I just need a few minutes please.  And I know this will be hard for you but no matter what she says, just let it go ok?  I know you want to protect me and I know you want to stick up for me.  But just, I don't want this to become a disaster of a Thanksgiving vacation.  And don't take anything she says to heart Harry.  She doesn't know you."  She looked at her phone. 

"Panda's been calling me nonstop, let me call her quick, and then I will come have yet another extremely uncomfortable conversation with you about my past; which I guess will never really be my past."

"Alright love."  He looked at her face.  "Hey, this isn't anything we aren't going to get through.  You and I, together, can get through anything."

"I know.  There were just certain things I was hoping I didn't have to go into details about, and now I don't have a choice.  I know what you're wondering.  It's going to be the hardest thing out of all of this for me to go into details about."  She took a deep breath.  "Ok, let me call Panda."

He kissed her.  "Ok, I will wait in the bedroom for you."

Amanda picked up her phone as soon as it rang and saw it was JJ.  "It's about damn time.  Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.  I was hoping with everyone there she wouldn't bring it up but I was expecting it.  Johnny has changed my relationship with everyone.  She wants to protect me but she's not very good at showing it.  I'm probably a lot more like her than I'd like to admit.  There's probably more I need to tell you.  I just need to get through this visit without everyone hating me, and then when Harry and Niall leave you can question me all you want.  Because right now I'm going to have to go explain all of this to Harry, and I really wish I didn't have too."

"I thought you told us everything."  Amanda said.

"You know what happened.  Just not some details which, I wasn't going to bring up to be honest.  There may have been a specific moment that made me have to walk away.  You know what, so that I don't have to do this twice I'm just going to put you on speaker."  Julie said walking into Harry's room.  "Are you still there, Panda?"

"Yes, can Niall listen too?"  Amanda asked.

"Might as well.  You would just tell him anyway."  Julie said as she set the phone on Harry's dresser and leaned against it.  "I know what all of you are wondering.  But believe me if you thought what I told you before was difficult, this just, you aren't going to want to hear it."

Harry stood in front of her and held her hands.  "Let us help you.  Please?  That's all we want to do."

"When I told you after Vegas, that I've had worse.  I meant it.  And I was scared.  I didn't leave sooner because I was so scared of what he would do when he found me.  But the last day I was with him...." She paused. "I don't want to do this."  She said.

Harry could tell she was heading towards her safe place.  She was trying really hard not to feel anything.  "Baby, you are safe here.  He can't hurt you anymore."

"He's never stopped hurting me.  Can't you see that?"  She said.

"I know, JJ."  Amanda said.  "But letting go, and letting us help you can only start to ease the hurt."

"I don't want to do this.  I'm so tired of ruining everything whenever we're together."  She looked at Harry.  "Every time, my past ruins something."

"Nothing is ruined, baby.  We will get through this just like I said.  Together.  All of us."  He looked down at her.

"I, I really don't know how to tell you all this."  She took a deep breath.  "He came home that night, and I, of course, was trying to make sure his dinner was done on time and perfectly.  But I was running behind because I got off work late.  So, of course, he was angry."  She said going right back to that day.  Almost like she was reliving it.  "I was trying to keep him calm and get everything done and I hurried too much.  When I turned around I knocked his favorite glass out of his hand and it broke.  I knew at that point something was going to happen.  I was ready for it.  Of course, he hit me.  But when I went to turn to clean it up, he had a piece of glass still in his hand.  When I turned around I ran right into the glass piece and it went into my stomach pretty far.  I was shocked and all he could say was you can't blame this on me.  I was bleeding and cut pretty bad, and he wouldn't call for help because he was worried about getting blamed.  He left.  I was on the floor glass still in my stomach, bleeding a lot, and in a ton of pain.  When I fell another piece of glass got stuck in my shoulder."  She crossed her arms and started pacing the room.  She was extremely uncomfortable and she had never spoken about this in detail to anyone except for the investigators.  "I honestly thought about just giving up.  Never getting up off the floor because it would have all been over.  I would never have to deal with any of it again."

"Julie."  Harry said.  He once again was taken aback at the things she was telling him.  He wondered if it would ever end.  He wanted to take her in his arms but he knew when she went back there; she pretty much avoided contact.  He didn't want to scare her.  "Baby."

"Let her finish, Harry."  He heard Amanda say quietly through the speaker, he could hear the tears in her voice.  "You know she won't if she doesn't keep going."

"But there was a small part of me yet, that just couldn't give in to him.  That just couldn't stand the thought of him spinning it all around again and getting sympathy for something he basically caused.  So, I somehow managed to get to the phone across the room and call for help.  I was taken to the hospital and right to surgery because it nicked an artery and I was bleeding internally a ton.  I was in the hospital 10 days and during that time I decided I was leaving one way or another, as far away as I could.  So, I left everything but 2 bags full of things, and moved to LA.  Because if I would have stayed, the next time, or the time after that, I may not have made it out alive.  I was seriously scared for my life."  She sat down on the bed.  Her hands shaking.  She clenched them into fists to stop them.  "Mom's having a hard time with it taking that much to say something or get me to leave, and that they didn't pick up on it sooner.  Not only did I let him ruin me, I let him ruin everyone I loved."

Niall spoke up for the first time.  "Sounds like you did try to tell them.  Sounds like no one wanted to hear it, or see it."

"Sort of, Niall.  I mean I did tell them something wasn't right but I didn't tell them to what extent.  For all they knew I was getting bored with things in general.  I never said he hits me or he tells me I'm worthless."  Julie said sighing.

"Why isn't he in jail?! For the rest of his damn life?!"  Amanda shouted through the phone.  "Seriously!!"

"He was for a while.  For assault.  I could have lied.  I could have probably said he did it on purpose, but it wasn't on purpose and I didn't want to become him.  I didn't want to be the one to ruin anyone's life with lies.  I'm not sure everyone was convinced it was an accident.  But it was.  I had a restraining order, but apparently, they thought since I was in LA it was no longer needed.  After Vegas, I got it reinstated but it can only do so much, and only after he violates it; which means he would have to get close enough.  It may never be over."  She put her hand on Harry's cheek when he sat by her.  She knew it would hit him hard.  He hadn't said a thing and tears were running down his cheeks.

"I'm coming back there."  Amanda said.  "I will be there soon."

"No, Panda.  I'm fine.  I've got Harry."  She said hugging him to her.  "We will be ok."

"We are going to talk when everyone leaves JJ."  Amanda sighed.  "You will tell me everything damn it.  No more surprises!"

"Just enjoy the time you guys have with your families.  Don't worry about me."  Julie said rubbing Harry's back.

"I'm going to worry about you, damn it.  I love you."  Amanda said.

"JJ," Niall said.  "You know you should take more credit for saving your own life than you do, right?  You decided to change it, save it, move on.  Go to a new place and try to start new.  You did that.  No one else.  You give us, and even Harry, too much credit.  You are strong.  You are resilient, and you are a much better person than you will ever give yourself credit for.  So, friend, I'm going to keep reminding you of that every day of your god damn life."

Julie looked at the floor through Niall's speech.  She never gave herself credit, and she never would.  She thought she took way too long to leave.  That if she was stronger it would have ended a lot sooner.  "I think you give me too much credit Niall.  I love you too, Panda.  I will see you both soon and please apologize to your family for me."  Julie said.  After the call disconnected she addressed Harry.  "Babe.  It's ok.  I'm ok."

He held her tighter.  "I should be comforting you.  I should be the one telling you it's ok.  The scars.  On your stomach and your shoulder.  That's what they are from aren't they?"

When he pulled back she looked up at him.  "I knew what was coming.  I told you it wasn't pleasant. And yes babe.  A constant reminder of what was."

"Wasn't pleasant?  Julie, you could have..."  He said to her astounded.

"But I didn't."  She interrupted him.

Of course, she was calm and unemotional.  Damn her past.  "Baby, don't hide from me.  Please.  Please keep talking to me.  Please keep letting me in.  I'm so sorry I didn't discuss this before inviting everyone."

She sat up straight and faced him and took his hands.  "Don't.  You had the best intentions.  Harry, you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met.  That's one of the reasons you're so good for me.  You know how to love with everything you have.  I would NEVER change your heart.  What you thought you were doing is the most amazing thing anyone has ever tried to do for me.  You constantly do things to make me feel like I'm wanted.  Don't ever change that.  I NEED that.  You show everything I've been so scared to show or see for years.  YOU saved me Harry.  YOU saved my life.  We all just don't have families like yours.  Sometimes the support isn't automatically there."

"Please keep talking Julie."  He put his hand behind her neck.  "Please let me in.  All of it though, not just the minimum you think will satisfy me."  He looked her in the eyes.  "You and I can work through anything, I believe that."

"I can't.  Not anymore.  Not right now.  I'm sorry."  Julie said standing up.

Harry looked at her.  "Please.  You have too.  You can't keep holding everything in.  Pretending you're ok."

"I am ok."  She said crossing her arms and looking at him.  "I am."

"Julie, you are not ok."  He said standing up.  "You need to talk to someone.  And I don't just mean me, or Amanda, or Niall.  Someone who knows how to help you."

"Don't, Harry."  She stepped back.

He stood and looked at her.  He had to stop now.  She needed her space.  He could tell.  "I'm not leaving you alone.  But I will stop for now.  I will just be here.  I get you need your space now.  One day though, I'm hoping that you come to me and let me hold you instead of closing yourself off and wanting to be alone.  I'm waiting for that day as patiently as I can.  I love you.  Please remember that while you sort through tonight."  He grabbed his things to take a shower.  He knew she needed her alone time.  He knew she needed to sort through her thoughts and her feelings.  It was how she was.  He did hope one day she would come to him first instead, of hiding in her head, but for now it's how she dealt.  He would let her.  They would find a way to let her do this when she needed too.  He sighed and then got in the shower.

Julie opened the patio door off Harry's bedroom, walked out and sat in the chair.  She looked up at the sky.  God, this would never end.  And now Harry wanted to send her to a shrink.  She didn't want to talk to any stranger about this.  She was living, she was getting through it.  Right?  She didn't need anyone else's help.  She had Harry and Amanda and Niall.  That was all she needed.  Maybe it was time to stop telling them so much.  She could work it out herself.  She stared up at the sky.  How could she let it get this far?  How could she bring this into all of their lives?  What was she thinking?

As Amanda climbed into bed, Niall wrapped his arms around her.  "So, are you ok?" He asked her.

She sighed.  "No, I'm having a really hard time with JJ's mom giving her such a hard time.  I tried to be calm when I talked to her before we left, but it was hard.  I wanted to scream at her.  I keep learning more and more about why JJ is the way she is.  Seems she's never really had any support in anything.  It's no wonder she hides EVERYTHING."  She laid her head down on Niall's chest.

"Princess, she's gone through hell for a very long time.  Things aren't going to get better overnight.  It honestly hasn't even been that long since she first told you, us, any of this.  We have to get her to fight for herself, believe in herself, before things are going to improve.  We see how good of a friend she is, especially to you.  She doesn't see it."  Niall sighed.  "She needs more help Amanda, I think it's time we all face the fact that maybe we can't give her the help she needs."

"What do you mean, Niall?"  She picked her head up and looked at him.  "You don't think I can help my best friend?"

"No, Amanda, that's not what I said.  Of course, she needs you.  Probably more than anyone.  But she also needs someone who knows how to deal with the trauma."

"I think I know trauma Niall."  Amanda said getting up.  She rubbed her face.  "Look, I get what you're saying.  Her PTSD is through the roof.  I understand that.  But I also know her.  As soon as someone mentions her talking to someone outside of us, she's going to freak out.  Or run, or hide.  Or all of the above.  We have to find a way to get her help without chasing her away."

"Maybe we have to do what's right for her, instead of worrying about how she's going to react to us."  Niall said.  "Maybe it's time to let her be angry at us so she gets the help she needs, the help she deserves."

Amanda stood up.  "Yeah, maybe.  Right now, I just can't think about losing my best friend.  So, I'm going to sit outside for a minute.  Alone.  Please."

Niall sighed and lay back on the bed.  "Yeah, of course.  Whatever you need."

Amanda wasn't angry with Niall.  She knew he was right.  She knew that it was time to get JJ the help she needed.  She knew she wasn't qualified to get her through this.  She wanted too though.  She really was terrified that she was going to lose part of her best friend if she pushed her too far, too fast.  She looked at the sky.  "God JJ, please just let us get you help and get you through this.  I'm so sorry.  I'm just so, so sorry."  She couldn't help the tears from falling.


	37. Chapter 37

  
The next few days were spent with the families. Things were left the way they were. Everyone at least pretended that things were ok. No one mentioned the drama that happened on Thanksgiving. Maybe it was good, maybe it wasn't. Julie did notice, however, that her mom did seem to appreciate Harry more and more as time went on. She had no doubts he could win her over. He was an amazing man, in more ways than one. She was grateful. 

Julie still was having a hard time. Harry could tell, but he didn't want to add any more stress to her while her parents were here. He knew they had to have a discussion when they left. He had to fly out the day after her parents did. There wasn't going to be much time to do it. He had to talk to her about talking to a professional. He knew she didn't want too. She spent the whole night on Thanksgiving out on the balcony off his room. He wondered how long things from her past were going to come back to bite her.

Amanda was grateful for the time she had with her family and Niall together. Everyone seemed to get along wonderfully. It was a great feeling. She enjoyed showing her family LA and spending time with Niall. She was worried about JJ though. She couldn't help it. Even though she didn't see her through those days she could tell through their brief texts and phone calls things weren't exactly right. She had also spoken with Harry and learned that he had already mentioned talking to a professional to JJ. Apparently, she didn't take it too well. Niall was right though. Time to do what's right for JJ and not worry about her reactions.

Niall was thrilled to get to know Amanda's family. He was in love and wanted to make sure that things were good all around. He was happy he got along so well with them. Even her brother, intimidating as he was. They had a great couple of days in LA. He knew Amanda was having a hard time with not seeing JJ and being able to help, and honestly, he was too. But there would be time later to do that. It was time to get JJ the help she needed and deserved. Even though he knew it would be a monumental task to get her to agree.

Julie's parents were leaving earlier in the day than Amanda's. She had told Harry she wanted to take them to the airport herself so that they could speak and say goodbye. He was disappointed, but he understood. Amanda and Niall then took her parents to the airport later in the day.

Later that night, Amanda answered her phone when Harry called her. Her and Niall were driving back from the airport. "Hey Harry, what's going on?"

"Hey, did you see Julie at the airport? She's not back yet and she isn't answering my calls." He asked worried.

Amanda sighed. "No, we didn't. But it is a big airport. Hold on, let me try and call her and conference her in." She tried, but the call went to voicemail. She went back on the line with Harry. "I will have Niall stop at our apartment so I can check there. Something has to give sometime. I could tell something wasn't right, even though I've only talked to her a few minutes the past few days."

"I will meet you guys there. I hope she's there. Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea." He said putting his boots on.

"No one knew Harry. But it's time. We all know it's time." Amanda said. She looked over at Niall. He overheard and had already made the detour to the girls' apartment instead of his house.

"I know. I had a bad feeling letting her go to the airport herself. But I didn't want it to seem like I was smothering her either." Harry said grabbing his keys.

"I know, Harry. Will see you in a little bit." Amanda said hanging up the phone. She looked over at Niall.

"You don't expect her to be there, do you?" Niall asked.

"Not really. But I'm hoping. I cannot even imagine what she's going through now. I just wish she would come to us instead of running." Amanda leaned back against the seat.

Niall and Amanda pulled up to the apartment as Harry was getting out of his car. They met and walked up together. Harry was praying she was there. But he was scared she wouldn't be. God, he should have gone with her to the airport.

When Amanda unlocked the door, and walked in, she was met with silence. And darkness. She turned on the light and walked over to JJ's room. She knocked, but again was met with silence. She opened the door and walked in. Everything looked untouched. She had an empty feeling and went to JJ's closet. She opened the door, and her suitcase was gone. She leaned against the door. How was she going to tell Harry? What was she going to do? She pulled out her phone and held it in her hand but didn't use it. She walked back into the front. "She's gone. Her suitcase is gone." Amanda said breaking down. "She ran. But where? It's like Vegas all over again, but where?"

Harry leaned on the table. He was numb. Her suitcase was gone? Where could she have gone where she needed a suitcase. Why would she leave without at least telling him? What did all of this mean? He was sad, and disappointed, and angry. He didn't want to be angry at her, but he was. Damn her. "God damn her!" He said, pushing himself off the table. "I thought she fucking knew we would get through this together. All of us!" He was shaking. He was angry, and worried. God, he was worried.

Niall was looking at the ground. He didn't know what to do for either Amanda nor Harry. When he looked up he saw an envelope leaning on the bowl on the counter. "Amanda." He said as he walked over to it. It was addressed to all 3 of them. He picked it up and then looked at Amanda and Harry. They all just stood there, looking at it. No one wanting to open it.

Finally, Amanda took the envelope and slowly opened it. She started to read it out loud.

_I'm sorry._

_I can't do this right now. I'm confused. Broken. I don't know what to do. I've said so much and done so much, and caused so many problems. I need to figure this out. I know you are all angry right now that I left without a word. But I had too. I don't have any fight left anymore. Maybe I suppressed things too long, hoping they would just disappear. But they haven't. It's just gotten worse. I'm truly sorry for hurting everyone. I need time. Alone. I know you don't want to hear that, I know you think I need to come to you. I just can't. And right now, I can't share all this with total strangers. I'm sorry. I wish we could go back to FL and I could take back opening all of this up._

_Panda, you know I love you with all my heart. There is no one who has ever been a better friend to me than you. You're the best person I know. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Please be happy. Please continue to show your amazingness to everyone._

_Niall. Take care of Panda. You're so good for her. Please make sure she stays herself. Please get her through the hurt that I know I put her through. And please be there for Harry. You are seriously the most amazing man and friend. I am so glad that you came into Panda's life. And mine. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you thought I was._

_Harry. My sweet savior. I love you. I do. I know you're having a hard time believing that right now. I know you're angry and scared. I know you are kicking yourself for not keeping me in your sights. God, I love you. You are the best person, the best heart I've ever met. I know you would always keep me from drowning but maybe it's time I learn to swim on my own instead of just treading water._

_All 3 of you. Please know I couldn't have gotten through any of this without you. But now, I need to figure this out for me. I need to find me. I need to find a way to accept myself, my past, my present, my future. I guess that starts with me. Please forgive me. Please just give me some time. Please don't hate me._

_Julie_

Amanda sniffled as she put the letter back in the envelope. No one knew what to say. She finally broke the silence. "Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe she will figure out a way to find herself again. Maybe...." She couldn't finish. She broke down in tears. "I just wish she would let us be there while she did."

Niall wrapped his arms around her. "You're right Princess. About it all. I wish she would let us be there too. But I like hearing she wants to figure things out for herself. It has to be that way."

Harry had nothing to say. No reaction. He felt completely numb. Why would she do this. Why would she leave without telling him where she was going, or what she was doing? Why wouldn't she just trust him? How could she say she loved him and then just run off? He took his keys out of his pocket. "I guess there's no reason for me to stay here anymore. I'm just going back to London today. I will meet you there, Niall."

"Harry wait!" Amanda called after him when he started to leave. She knew he was struggling with this. She went up and hugged him. "I've asked you before, and I'm going to ask you again. Can you just give this some time, before you give up on her?"

He hugged her back. "Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now, I'm not sure what I feel. I don't want to be angry, but I am. How can she love me if she doesn't trust me enough to help her through? I won't make any decisions right now, but I'm not going to try and find her either." He pulled back and left. His heart was broken. He really hoped she figured it out. He really hoped she learned to love herself regardless of her past. Right now, though, he didn't know if he would be around in the end, when she actually figured it out. Maybe it was his anger, maybe it was because he was caught off guard but right now he didn't feel like fighting anymore.

Amanda cried. Hard. She was now afraid JJ had lost Harry too. She didn't know what to do. How long would JJ be gone? What was she doing? Where was she staying? Would she be at work for her shift in 2 days? So many questions and no answers. That was the most frustrating thing of all. She could have at least told them!


	38. Chapter 38

Just over three weeks had passed since JJ had left. Niall had to leave the day after they found her letter. It was almost Christmas. Amanda was just struggling to go on normally. No one had heard from JJ and Amanda still wasn't sure where Harry's head was. She had just arrived home from work and was going through mail from the day before, when she heard a key in the lock. She turned around to see JJ walking in the door with her bag. She dropped the mail and ran up and hugged JJ so tight. "Oh, my god, I was so worried.  I'm so glad you're ok!"

Julie saw Amanda rush up to her and dropped her bag when she started to wrap her arms around her. "I'm ok. I'm sorry."

"I'm so mad at you!" Amanda said pulling back from her. "You should have told me! I should not have found out from a letter you left!"

"I know. I'm sorry. I was in a bad way. I couldn't get my head right." Julie told her. "I didn't know what to do. So, I did the only thing I knew."

"Have you talked to Harry?" Amanda asked.

"No, I tried calling him last night but he didn't answer. He hasn't called me back. I can only imagine how angry he is at me. I don't blame him. I don't know if he'll forgive me. That may be my one true regret in this." Julie said. Her voice broke with some emotion. But she tried to hold it together.

"Where did you go for three weeks, JJ?" Amanda asked trying to hold back her own tears.

Julie's phone rang. She looked at the caller ID. It was Harry. "Panda I will talk to you. But I have to answer this. It's Harry." She said pressing the answer button. "Hi, Harry." She said as she walked towards her room.

Amanda watched her. She looked different. She looked tired, worn out. But somehow less stressed. Somehow less tense. She couldn't wait to find out the details. She needed to call Niall. Tell him at least JJ was safe.

"Hi." Harry said. He debated all night whether or not to call her back. He didn't sleep at all. He fought with himself because of how angry he was she just disappeared. He decided he couldn't just leave it the way it was. There needed to be a decision either way, about whether or not he still wanted a relationship, or even if she wanted one. Now that he called though, he didn't know what to say.

"How are you, Harry?" Julie asked quietly. She knew he would be angry. She knew it would be hard.

"I've been better. Seems my girlfriend decided to leave me without telling me, or even where she was going. Haven't heard from her in three weeks. Well at least she was my girlfriend the day she left." He said. His voice breaking. He cleared his throat. "Not sure anymore."

"I'm sorry." Julie said trying, but failing, to stop her tears. "At the time, I didn't know what to do. I need to talk to you, Harry."

"You are talking to me." He said a bit shortly.

"I mean in person." She said.

"You had that chance. Three weeks ago." Harry said angrily.

Julie took a deep breath. She hurt him. She knew she did. "I know. Harry, I did what I thought I needed too. I did what I knew. I pulled away. I ran. I was scared. I had to remember every detail of my past. I pushed away the feelings and the hurt. I turned my heart off. I had too. I felt like I was dying."

"You could have come to me!" He said into the phone gruffly. "You could have talked to me about it! You could have trusted me! Instead you ran off to who knows where and did who knows what! I didn't know for three weeks if you were even ok! That is NOT ok Julie!"

"I know." Julie said quietly. She had to take a minute. The tears were flowing now. "I was scared when you wanted me to talk to someone else. When it felt like you were giving up on me, and trying to pass me off onto someone else."

"I did NOT do THAT!" He screamed into the phone. "I wanted you to get help but I wanted to be there while you did it!!"

"You were leaving the next day." Julie said. "I know you had too, I know it wasn't your choice. I just couldn't see it then. I thought you were pushing me off, and onto someone else, and walking away. I'm not saying it's right. Not a lot I think is right. But it's what I was thinking. My anxiety, my fear, my feeling of worthlessness. Harry, I was wrong but it's how I felt. I've learned to own that. I'm not asking you to forgive me. You can choose after this phone call if you want any more to do with me. I just want a chance to explain. Please?"

"No one's stopping you." Harry said closing his eyes. He shook his head. He was being mean. He knew it. He couldn't help it though. She hurt him. She hurt him more than he knew she could. "So, tell me, your little self-discovery, that you just HAD to do on your own. What did you find out? Am I worth your precious time?"

Ouch. Julie thought. That hurt. She licked her lips and closed her eyes. She couldn't get angry. She had to fight the hurt. She did this. She had to fix it. "I didn't do it alone, Harry. A couple of days after I left, I realized I was drowning. I was drowning myself. And I couldn't save myself. I couldn't let anyone else save me, because I didn't believe I deserved to be saved. But I also realized that I had more in my present, than I ever had in my past. I realized that there may be a rainbow at the end of my journey. You, Harry. And Panda and Niall. And others, but not like you. I went through work and got in touch with a therapist who specialized in PTSD and abuse. Work gave me a 45 day leave to deal with everything. The catch, was in order for this therapist to help me, I needed to make a decision right then. I needed to go into a center for three weeks and work on myself. That meant no contact with anyone. They took my phone. I had to decide to save myself. They didn't want me to fall back on anyone else. I figured the only way to stop hurting the people I loved, was to stop hurting myself. The only thing that made the decision hard was knowing how much it was going to hurt you. But I had to do it. I couldn't keep only surviving. I had to live. I had to live outside of you. Outside of my safety of you. I had to believe in myself. And I still struggle with it every day. But for the first time, I see Johnny as only a part of my past, not my entire life. Every day, every little thing, every thought, every action, used to revolve around him. I'm going to struggle with this the rest of my life, Harry. I can't run from it. I can't pretend it didn't happen. I have to face it head on and it scares me more than anything. I am truly sorry that I didn't tell you before I left. I should have."

He listened to her carefully. He heard everything she said. She got help. It's what he wanted. Why was he still feeling so conflicted? Part of him wanted to comfort her. He was proud of her for admitting she needed help and getting it. But she could have done it differently. He was still hurt. So very hurt. "I'm glad you got help. I am. You shouldn't have had to push me away and run away from me to do it." He said trying to stay unemotional.

"I know. Now. Too late." She said. She wiped her eyes. "I love you. And maybe you don't want to hear that or believe that right now. But I want to say it. I will give you time. I want you. I need you. Please know that. But I don't blame you for giving up if that's what you choose. I do hope I hear from you, Harry. I do hope I didn't ruin us by figuring out me. Please take care of yourself. Please try to enjoy your holidays. I hope to talk to you soon."

"Yeah, I don't know." He said. "Thanks for explaining. Take care of yourself Julie." He hung up the phone. He dropped it and put his head in his hands. He was hurt, but he was also proud of her. He was angry, but he also loved her. He needed time. He had to decide if he wanted to take the chance of her leaving again. She was honest though. He was going to take some time but he was pretty sure he already knew his decision.

Julie took a minute to gather herself. She had to talk to Panda yet. She knew she had to show her emotions and let them out and she was so sad. But she owed it to Panda also to explain. She walked out to her bag and brought it back to her room. She saw Panda on the phone. She was guessing it was to Niall. She quietly asked she could talk to her. She put her bag in her room and then walked back out.

"Alright babe, I will call you later, I promise." Amanda said into the phone. "I love you too. I will, don't worry." She hung up and looked at JJ. "Niall said welcome back and he's glad you're ok and he still hates you."

Julie nodded. "I'm sorry, Panda. For all of this."

"How'd your talk with Harry go?" Amanda asked her.

Julie shrugged. "I'm not real sure. I explained, it's up to him now. I know I messed up the way I did things. But I had too. For me. For my future. Because for the first time in forever I cared if I had one. Maybe not the first couple of days I left but soon after. I went through work and got sent to a PTSD/Abuse treatment center. They made me decide right away if I wanted to do it and go right away. They took my phone and said the only one I could count on for 3 weeks was myself. It was drastic and scary. But I did it. I needed to live. I was surviving. I wasn't living. I was surviving through the safety of you and Harry and Niall. I had to live for myself. I had to believe I deserved to have a future. I still struggle everyday Panda. I'm scared. And now I'm petrified I have to do it without the only people who fought for me. That now that I've finally figured this all out; that I lose." She started to cry.

"Not me, JJ." Amanda hugged her tightly. "I'm still upset you did things the way you did, but I'm glad you're back. I'm glad you got help. I'm glad you decided you deserve to have a future." She cried along with her. "I believe in Harry. He will come around. Just give him time. We were all shocked and hurt when you left. But in the end, he wants what's best for you."

"I know." Julie sat up and wiped her eyes. "But I love him. I want to love him. I just wish I could have figured this out differently, or that I left differently. I just couldn't figure it all out trying to work out everyone else's feelings. And I was angry at first; everyone just wanted to send me away to someone else. Like they didn't want to deal with me anymore. I thought I was getting through it."

"JJ." Amanda said taking her hands. "We weren't giving up on you. We wanted you to get additional help. We weren't going to stop helping you." Amanda said. She was shocked again when she heard that.

"But I didn't think I deserved that help." Julie got up. "Look I know it's not rational. I know it's all in my head. It's the most difficult thing to work through. But I had no self-worth. I never felt worthy of help and understanding. I'm still struggling with admitting it, but I'm trying. I've learned that I have to give it to myself first. It should be easy, but it's not. It's the hardest thing ever. Work gave me 45 days. I figured since the apartment is paid for right now I should do it."

Amanda stood up and hugged her again. "Don't worry about that, I'm here for you. Take whatever you need, just please give me my friend back. If it helped you. I forgive you, and I understand. I love you. All I ever wanted was the best for you."

Julie nodded and closed her eyes when Amanda hugged her. "I need you, Panda." She whispered. "More than you know."

Amanda lost it. It's the first time she felt like JJ actually meant it when she said it. She hoped Harry was able to work through his hurt and his doubts. She hoped JJ finally would get a real chance to be happy with him, without all of her fears and doubts getting in the way. She rubbed JJ's back. "I need you too, JJ. I'm not going anywhere." She felt JJ break down. She felt her knees give out and she sunk back onto the couch with her. She held her and let her cry. She had never seen her cry so hard. Maybe she was finally getting past all her demons. Doesn't matter what it took to get her there. She was going to be there for her.


	39. Chapter 39

__The next week was Christmas.

Harry spent the holiday at home with his family. He had to work through a lot in his mind. His anger towards the situation, and towards Julie bothered him. He needed to figure out why. And who better to speak with than his mum about the whole situation? He still hadn't decided if he was going to go back to America for the New Year's trip him and Niall had planned for the girls. He still hadn't decided what he was going to do about their relationship. Right before he would have to leave he sat down with his mum.

Mum," He sighed. "I just don't know what to do."

"I can't tell you what to do, my love." Anne said taking his hand. "It's something you have to figure out for yourself. Love is always complex. Even when it's not complicated by a past like Julie's. You knew at the beginning it wasn't going to be easy. You knew then, she was always tempted to run."

"I did. And I understood it. At first. But we got closer. I thought she trusted me. She started sharing more and more with me. She said she felt safe with me. Then she just left. With no warning, no explanation." He said rubbing his thumb over his mum's hand.

"That's not true, Harry. She left you a note. She explained. She just didn't give you all the details. She didn't have to do that. Maybe it doesn't seem enough for you, but what I would like you to do, is think about why you're really angry. Are you angry because she left and got help? Or are you angry because you were scared and worried about her? Her safety, and where she was? I completely understand how you feel. I completely get your concern, your anger. What you have to decide is if that's more important than what she did, what she accomplished while she was away. I'm not saying there is a right or wrong answer. Only what you feel in your heart." His mum said softly.

He nodded through Anne's words. He still didn't have all the answers that he needed. But he knew what to do.

Niall spent the holidays at home with his family as well. He missed Amanda terribly. He hated having to spend their first Christmas as a couple, apart. He was looking forward to New Year's Eve. He was glad he at least got that with her. He wasn't sure what was going on with JJ and Harry; he wasn't sure if it would just be him and Amanda going now instead of the four of them. Part of him was sad about that. He and Amanda discussed having JJ come anyway. He wanted to see her. He wanted to make sure she was okay, also. He talked to Amanda every day, and he knew what Amanda told him. But he wanted to see for himself. Amanda and Harry were angry, but he wasn't so much. He didn't like finding out in a letter she'd left after the fact, and not knowing where she was at the time, but he was proud of her. He was proud of her strength by going and getting help for herself. He knew she had it in her. He had always believed she was a lot stronger than she gave herself credit for. She just proved it to him again. First, by saving her life the day Johnny left her on the floor, then by picking up and moving across country by herself, and now by taking on the monumental task of getting over her past and believing in herself first in order to have a future. Niall had to find out if Harry was going with him. He had to call him.

Amanda and Julie were scheduled to work so that they could have New Year's Eve off. Before all the drama, they were supposed to meet Niall and Harry at Lake Tahoe for a ski weekend over New Years. Things, however, were a bit different now. Amanda did work, but Julie had appointments with doctors and therapists. The girls had quite a few conversations over that week about the details of Julie's clinic stay. Amanda could tell it helped her, but she could also tell it was going to be a work in progress. The thing she noticed the most was that when Julie got overwhelmed, instead of just closing up and running away, she admitted it and asked for some time to gather herself and clear her mind. She could still sense the fear, but Julie seemed to be able to deal with it a little easier. She had a lot to learn on how to help her through those moments. She learned some more about her past and some about how she was before Johnny. Those were the moments she wanted to know more about. She wanted to get to the point where she knew what JJ's hopes and dreams were, before she was turned upside down with her situation. Amanda was set to leave right after her shift ended in the morning. Before she left for her shift, she leaned over the couch and looked at JJ.

"Can you please pack? You are coming with me in the morning. It doesn't matter if Harry won't be there. Even Niall told you he wants you to come. That he needs to see you." Amanda said.

Julie closed her book she was reading for therapy. "He can see me some other time. I don't need to go on your New Year's Eve vacation with you."

"JJ, apparently, therapy hasn't fixed your stubbornness. Just pack. You're coming. It's a short flight if you feel you need to, we can always get you back home. Just be ready to go to the airport when I get home. Damn." Amanda said grabbing the keys.

Julie shook her head. "Fine, but it's a waste of a flight, and Niall's going to pay to get me back home." She reopened her book to read some more.

"So, stubborn." Amanda said again as she shook her head and walked out the door.

The next morning Julie and Amanda landed in Reno. They had a rental car to drive to the resort. Amanda was laughing so hard. Julie was so much more relaxed than she ever remembered her being. It was wonderful. Her comedic timing was always great, and she was on point. She was sure hoping it was a sign of things to come. They laughed the whole way. As they drove around the north shore of the lake, the water was so blue, clear and pristine. They finally got to the resort and pulled up to the cabin Niall had. He'd arrived the night before. It was snowy and beautiful. Snow had just fallen in Tahoe, and it felt like powder to the girls. It was enchanting.

"Oh, wow." Julie said getting out of the car. "It's so beautiful. Reminds me of winter back home. It's been awhile since I've seen real snow like this." She walked around the car and grabbed her bag from the trunk with Amanda.

"See," Amanda said. "It's a good thing you came." She closed the trunk and wrapped her arm with Julie's. "I've missed you."

"You've missed Niall more." Julie said looking around as they walked to the cabin.

"Not true. I talked to him every day. I didn't see you or talk to you for 3 weeks. And then I've been working while you've been home this past week. Just at least stay until tomorrow, please?" Amanda said.

"Yeah, tomorrow." Julie said. She walked up and into the cabin with Amanda.

"Niall!" Amanda called out. "We're here!"

Niall came out of the kitchen laughing. "I hear that." He watched the girls drop their bags and walked up to them. He hugged Amanda and gave her a kiss. "I missed you so much, Princess." He kissed her again.

"I missed you, too." Amanda smiled. "I'm so glad we get a week together now though."

Niall turned to Julie. "JJ," He said taking her hands. "You look good. I'm so glad you decided to come." He hugged her tight and didn't let go for a minute. "I'm so proud of you, my friend. Your strength inspires me."

"Niall, don't start that again." She said, but she closed her eyes and hugged him. "Don't tell anyone, but I missed you too." She whispered. She then said louder. "I hate you."

"I hate you, too." Niall said smiling. He finally stepped back from her.

"I told Panda that I will stay until tomorrow, but then I'm going back home. I don't need to be here as your third wheel." Julie said putting her hands on the back of the couch and leaning on her hands. Niall and Amanda were standing in each other's arms in front of the couch.

"You're not a third wheel." Niall said.

"Oh, I am. And normally it wouldn't bother me. But not now. Not New Year's Eve, and especially since you didn't have Christmas together. I'm ok." She said.

"No, really, you won't be a third wheel." Niall said again, and Amanda looked at him and then looked behind JJ. She smiled.

"What the hell you two?" Julie started. "Maybe I need..." She stopped as she felt arms slowly wrapping around her waist from behind. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. She recognized the smell immediately. "Harry." She whispered. Her heart was ready to jump out of her chest. She took a minute as she felt him lean down and whisper, "Hi," in her ear. She turned around and jumped into his arms. She didn't even really see him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and her legs around his waist, and just held onto him tightly. She buried her face between his neck and his shoulder, and the tears flowed over her cheeks. She couldn't say anything.

Harry closed his eyes and wrapped his arms tightly around her when she jumped into them. He never expected a reaction like that from her. She definitely had a different aura about her. He held her tightly. He didn't want to let go either. He knew the moment he saw her walking up the walk, through the window, that he'd made the right decision in coming here. They needed to talk. He wasn't quite over the hurt, or the pain, or the anger, but he loved her. The moment he laid eyes on her again, he knew he still wanted her in his life. That he still loved her. When she pulled back a little, just enough to look at his face and said, "Hi," to him his heart jumped. He laughed when she buried herself back into him. "Hey, baby. Think you may wanna get down now?" He chuckled again when he heard a mumbled, "no," in his shoulder. "Ok, we're good." He said looking over at Niall and Amanda.

"Hey, how come no one told me he was coming?" Amanda asked. "Love the surprise, but you could have told me."

"Well, I didn't want you to ruin the surprise by telling her." Niall laughed. "I figured if you got frustrated of her telling you she wasn't coming, you might use Harry to get her here. Then it would have ruined the surprise."

Amanda pushed at his chest. "Not nice."

"Oh, you love me." Niall said kissing her again.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right." She smiled and kissed him back. "Thank you for making this happen."

"It wasn't me. I just called Harry to see what was up. It was completely his decision." Niall said pulling Amanda closer to him.

Julie finally, slowly, unwrapped her legs and put her feet on the floor loosening her arms around Harry's neck. She was so surprised he was here, but she was so grateful. She took her hand and wiped at her eyes. "I'm so glad you're here." She wiped her eyes again. "I was so scared I would never see you or speak to you again."

Harry raised his thumbs and wiped both her cheeks. "I know, baby, and we still have a lot to talk about, but I love you. I want to be here."

Julie nodded and finally met his eyes. "I love you. So much." She started sobbing again. "And apparently, I'm not going to be able to stop crying either."

"Come here then." He said pulling her back into his arms and holding her against his chest. He slowly rubbed her back, and after he felt her calm down some, he stepped back and took her hand. "Come on. Let's take your bag to our room." He walked her to her bag.

"Our room?" She asked. She wasn't sure how this was going to go.

"Of course, baby. Come on. Let's go talk this out so we can enjoy the rest of the time we have together. I told you before, we can work through anything together. And we will. No matter how long it takes. We can all meet for dinner later?" He nodded at Niall and Amanda to confirm and then took her to their room.

Niall went and got Amanda's bag. "Well Princess, let's go check out our room. The bed is beautiful. And it's comfortable. I can't wait to see how comfortable we are in it together." He wiped a tear from Amanda's cheek. "She's going to be ok, Princess."

"I know. And honestly, I believe it fully for the first time. Seeing Harry was such a relief. I've watched her cry everyday over hurting him. Things are still hard for her, but she has shown so much more of herself this past week than I think I've seen the prior two years."

"I'm so glad to hear how much you think she's improved." Niall said shutting the bedroom door. "Hopefully, there's more ups rather than downs to come." He pulled her tightly to him and kissed her deeply. "Oh, how I've missed feeling you in my arms." They made the most of their alone time together.

Harry sat down on the bed, put his hands on Julie's waist, and pulled her between his legs. "How are you?" He asked.

She smiled softly at him. "I'm, doing ok. Better now that you're here. Now that I have some sort of hope that we can still try to be together."

"I'm sorry for making you question it..." He started.

"Oh, no." She interrupted him. "I know it's my fault. But I honestly had to. No matter how I got there, I needed it. I hate that it hurt you. I hate that you had to question my feelings about you and whether I loved you or not. I did love you then, just as much as I love you now. It's just..." She let out a breath. "It's just, how can I truly love someone else if I don't even know how to love anything about myself? I'm learning, it's still a struggle Harry, I'm not healed. I'm not cured. I may never be completely. But I'm learning that I deserve to have a future. One that doesn't include Johnny ruling my life."

"That's the best thing I've ever heard. I was hurt. I was angry. I was surprised how angry. But I finally talked to mum about it. She made me realize my anger was more fueled by the fact that you were gone for three weeks and I didn't know if you were safe or ok. Or, even alive, Julie." He started to cry. "The worst thoughts ran through my head when no one knew where you were. Amanda said she was told you were ok, but no one really knew. My heart couldn't handle it. If I could have known, you were safe in that clinic...." He said taking a deep breath to calm himself.

"I know, babe." She put her hands on his cheeks. "After the fact, I wished I would have done things differently. My head wasn't right before I left. I felt in a complete panic all the time, and I just kept pushing it aside. Just kept pushing forward so that I didn't worry anyone. The first few days in the clinic were tough." She closed her eyes. This was another thing she didn't want to talk about yet. Things still were hard for her.

"Why, baby? Why were they so tough? What happened?" He asked taking her hands and holding them again.

She sniffled. She tried to compose her thoughts. She didn't want to go into detail, but it was part of what she was learning. "Just, give me a minute ok? I just need a minute." She said closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

He watched her. He could tell she was at that point where before she would just say she'd had enough, and that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. He was surprised when instead she said she just needed a minute. It must have been something they had her work on. The instinct to close off and pull away when she was uncomfortable. He could almost see her going through her thoughts.

She opened her eyes. "I had anxiety, horribly. I had attacks the first three days I was there. Horrible panic attacks. I've had my share before, but those were so bad. I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. Harry, I promise you that if you're patient with me, I will answer your questions. All of them. But I just can't do it all at once. It was pretty intense, and it's still a lot of work."

"It's ok." He ran his thumb over her lips. "Can I hold you now?" He asked. Only because he knew she was in that deep moment. He didn't want to scare her by pulling her into his arms.

"Yes, please. There would be nothing better right now." She said feeling him wrap his arms around her before she even finished. He buried his head in her chest, and she put her hands on his head. God, she'd missed him.

He stood up after a few minutes and helped her onto the bed. He climbed up after her and lay beside her. He needed to just hold her. When she curled up tightly to him and he felt her muscles relax completely he closed his eyes again. They really would be ok. He was sure of it. She belonged in his arms. He kissed her head and held her as tears slowly fell over both their cheeks.


	40. Chapter 40

Later that evening they were all sitting at a table at the small diner in the resort. It was relatively quiet, as they had a late dinner and had informed the manager ahead of time they were coming. Dating Niall and Harry made everything just a bit more complicated. Everything was light and fun. There hadn't been a time where things seemed so light. Especially with Julie.

Harry watched her for most of the evening. There were still signs of fear in her. Especially when new people came into the diner.  She still seemed to watch over her shoulder some, but she was much quicker to relax. He saw that she had learned some methods to relax and come back into the present instead of letting the fear take over. They had managed so far to keep their relationship pretty quiet. Even though they had some small encounters where people wondered who the girl was with him, the rumors didn't seem to get out of control. Probably because the rumors of him and Kendall never seemed to go away. Some people wondered, some people didn't, and some assumed she was just Amanda's friend. He wasn't going to shout it from the rooftops. First because that just wasn't him, and second because he knew Julie wouldn't appreciate it. But he wasn't going to try to hide it anymore either. They needed to try to have as normal of a relationship as they could in order for this to work. He knew a relationship with him would never be considered normal, but what they could have as normal, they should.

Amanda smiled most of the night. It was so nice to have the four of them back together. Things had gotten so bad, and so complicated. But this was nice. This is how she wanted it. Her best friend, her best friend's boyfriend, and her and her boyfriend all happy together. She also was happy to see JJ laughing and relaxing. She hoped that JJ's sarcastic, funny, sassy personality showed up more from now on. She watched Harry for a while. She wanted to make sure that she still saw the sparkle in his eye when he looked at JJ. She was happy to see that it was still there. She had worried up until tonight. Harry dealt with a lot. She was proud of both of them. They had gone through so much. Hopefully, it was now going to be easier for them both.

Niall took Amanda's hand. He leaned over and kissed her. She looked happier than she had in quite some time. He knew she somehow was less worried about JJ. He was too. He knew there was still a lot to get through, a lot to process; but whatever JJ had done the three weeks she was gone seemed to help her cope with all of the things running around in her head. He sensed the fear still; he sensed the questions. He sensed still the vulnerability she had. But she dealt better. He was happy for everyone. He hoped going forward it continued to get easier instead of harder. He hoped that the worse was behind them.

Julie concentrated on the tools she had learned in therapy and the tools she was still learning. She tried to stay in the moment instead of wondering what could happen. It made her nervous when new people came into the diner. She was always concerned people would want pictures with Harry and Niall and that they would be interrupted; she tried not to worry about it, but it was still hard. She was still partially concerned about the fallout from Vegas. Johnny had yet to talk to any media and as far as she knew he'd stayed away, so far, but she was still worried about it. She had learned she needed to try and deal with things as they came up and not find trouble in things that hadn't yet happened, but it was hard. She did laugh and smile a lot more that night than she can remember doing in a very long time. She was so happy Harry was there. Her heart had been breaking when he was angry with her. She understood perfectly why he was, but she hated every second of it. She was trying her hardest to make sure she worked on everything. Used everything she was taught. She had to admit, it felt pretty good to get out of her head sometimes. She accepted it wouldn't always be easy for her. But she was more ready now to face things. At least she hoped so.

The diner had a small karaoke system in the corner. Julie had contemplated as they were sitting there, if she should go up and use it. Every now and then people would sing a song or two and it was fun. She was trying to do things out of her comfort zone. Finally, she got up some courage. She stood up. "Panda. Let's go sing karaoke."

Amanda looked at her and laughed. "What?? Are you insane?"

"No, let's do it. C'mon." She pulled Amanda's arm until she got up with her and walked to the machine.

Harry looked at Niall and laughed. "Well, never thought I would see this. They haven't even been drinking yet." He leaned back on his chair.

"Yeah, seems a lot is changing." Niall said taking a drink.

"Well, let's hope it stays for the better." Harry said looking back at the girls.

"I do hope so. You ok?" Niall asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. If she's healing and focusing on believing in herself, I think it will only be better for us. I'm not going to lie. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to come back. She hurt me. No matter how much I understood her struggles. Leaving for three weeks without telling me where she was going, or what she was doing, killed my heart. But coming back, and seeing her working through things differently than she did before, it already gives me hope." Harry nodded.

"I'm glad, Amanda said JJ was seriously heartbroken when she thought she'd finally pushed you away for good." Niall said sitting back in his chair.

"Well, I never wanted to hurt her either; things just were bad." He shrugged. "But we will continue to talk and work through it." Harry looked over at the girls when music started playing. He was surprised to see Amanda walking back towards the table.

"Yeah. I don't sing. I haven't had enough to drink. Besides. This song is all JJ." She laughed and put her chair right next to Niall. She sat down, took his hand and leaned against him.

Julie had decided on "Don't Worry Baby" by the Beach Boys, changing the words up to fit her singing it instead of men. She was embarrassed, but part of her therapy was to do things out of her comfort zone. This was definitely that. She never sang in front of anyone. Only in the shower or shout singing the lyrics at concerts and over them playing at home. She couldn't look at Harry, Amanda or Niall at first. She sang quietly the beginning of the song:

Well it's been building up inside of me  
For oh I don't know how long  
I don't know why  
But I keep thinking  
Something's bound to go wrong  
But he looks in my eyes  
And makes me realize

And he says "Don't worry baby"  
Don't worry baby  
Don't worry baby  
Everything will turn out alright

She slowly looked up at them. They were all watching her intently. She still couldn't keep eye contact yet. She watched the monitor with the lyrics even though she knew them word for word. Harry had thrown song lyrics at her a lot. This song was how she felt with him. He always tried to take her worries away, and when she was with him, it was the only time she felt them take a backseat to everything else. And when she was in his arms, she almost forgot about them. She took a chance at the last part of the song and looked over again. She saw Amanda and Niall smile and then Harry caught her eyes. When he did that, she could never look away:

Oh what he does to me  
When he makes love to me  
And he says, "Don't worry baby"  
Don't worry baby  
Don't worry baby  
Everything will turn out alright.

She finished out the song and handed the microphone back. She took a deep breath and blushed as the few people in the diner clapped. She walked back towards the table, and when Niall and Amanda gave her a standing ovation, she seriously blushed. "Knock it off." She took Harry's hand when he offered it. She then sat on his lap when he pulled her to him.

"Baby, I didn't expect that from you." He said looking up into her eyes.

"I know. But you're always hitting me with song lyrics. Or at least you did for those two days in FL awhile back. I just wanted you to hear it, and I didn't have to come up with my own words. The Beach Boys did it for me." She said.

"That's my snarky girl." He laughed.

"Maybe, but it's true Harry. I know it's not all the time, and it still won't be. But when you're here and you hold me and tell me it's going to be alright, I believe it. Even if it's just for the moment I'm in your arms." She leaned down and whispered. "And when you make love to me, I forget everything because that feeling engulfs my whole heart, my whole soul." She put her hand on his cheek. "I love you, Harry Styles. No matter what happens that will never change."

He looked at her. God, what she did to him. The words she now said. He wanted her alone. "I love you." He whispered in her ear. "I want to make love to you tonight."

She smiled and let out a breath of relief. She honestly didn't know how good they were right now. But what he said gave her the confidence that they were back on track. "Then we shall." She said quietly and kissed him quick.

The boys settled the bill and Harry held the door open for everyone to go out. Amanda shook her head because not 10 feet from the door, Niall and JJ started a snowball fight with each other. God, it was so nice to see. She looked up as Harry slid his arm around her shoulders.

"What are we going to do with them?" He asked.

Amanda laughed. "Same as at the beach. I'm just gonna let them at it. I'm sure at some point I will hear them both say I hate you." She shook her head.

"Yes, their relationship, I tell you." He said walking with Amanda. Niall and Julie were running around in the snow like crazy still fighting with each other. Julie had jumped onto Niall's back and knocked him down into the snow. The laughter was great. He couldn't help but smile widely.

"Harry, I mean, I know I've seen you with her since you've been here, but are you really ok with JJ?" Amanda asked. "I'm sorry, I have to ask. I have to know."

"Yes, Amanda. We will talk and work through this. I don't want to leave her. I want her with me also. It's still going to be hard, but we will try our best. Especially since we start the tour in about a month. When she's going through some of the hardest parts, I will be away. Pretty much a world away. I'm going to count on you to keep me updated and keep her going forward." He said to her.

"Oh, no worries. I got her. She's gonna be in the best hands." Amanda said.

Harry and Amanda both got hit with snow. Julie and Niall had snuck up on them while they were walking. They heard laughter and then got snow in the face.

"Not so serious." Julie laughed. She screeched when Harry grabbed her and took a handful of snow and rubbed it on her face. She pushed away and tackled him into the snow. She then reached Amanda's legs and pulled her down into the snow. When she saw Niall walking up to them, she looked at Amanda. They both grabbed a leg and Niall fell right on his ass next to them.

They played that way the short walk from the diner to the cabin. They were all cold and soaked by the time they made it inside. Each couple said their goodnights and went their separate ways. They all had to change and shower and they all needed some alone time.


	41. Chapter 41

Harry came back in from the kitchen with a mug of hot coffee for Julie and tea for himself. They had both showered already, and he had started a fire in the fireplace in their room. He stood back a minute when he saw Julie looking out of the window. She looked beautiful in the moonlight and leaning against the window frame. Her dark hair still wet from her shower hanging over her shoulders. Her face make up free seemed more relaxed than he had ever seen. Her shoulders didn't look as tense. Until now he'd never realized how stressed she used to be all the time. He smiled as he walked up behind her and wrapped his arm with her coffee around her. "Hot coffee to warm you up, love." He said as he sipped his tea. He kept his arm around her waist when she leaned back against him.

"Thanks, babe."  She took a sip. "Hot, white, and sweet. Just like me. Just how I like it." She giggled.

Harry laughed. "Yeah, baby. Just like you." He kissed the top of her head.

"Are you saying I'm not hot or sweet? 'Cuz you can't argue with the white." Julie teased.

"Oh, you're hot. Even in sweats, a big sweater, no make-up and wet hair." Harry chuckled.

"Oh, you think you're being so funny right now, don't you?" Julie elbowed him in the stomach.

He set his tea down, took her mug and set that down also. He turned her towards him. "I'm being serious." He looked down at her. He ran his thumb over her cheek bone. "You really are feeling better, aren't you?"

She looked up at him. "I don't know if better is the right thing to say, but I feel like it's ok to feel the way I do sometimes. It will be hard, Harry. I will struggle with it all. I will most likely have set backs. But my therapists are helping me accept that I shouldn't be ashamed of my feeling overwhelmed and feeling scared. I will try to share more of what I'm feeling. Especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed. But I have to ask you to be patient. I think things will continue to get better; that's the goal. But I know there may be times when I just can't deal, where I make mistakes."

He took her face in his hands and ran his thumbs over her lips. "I'm here for you whenever I can be. And I'm only a phone call away when you need me. I know the tour starting won't be the best timing." He said.

She smiled. "I knew what you did for a living before we started dating Harry. I know you have to go out on tour, and I know that means we will be a part a lot. I know that it's going to be hard not to be able to come to you when I need you. Especially when you're a world away. And sometimes, I may be a little annoyed by that fact. But nothing will change how I feel about you. Just make sure if a long-distance relationship becomes too much, you let me know."

"Hey, don't think like that." He played with the hair on her shoulders. "I love you. An ocean and plane ride aren't going to change that. But let's not worry about that. We will handle whatever is thrown our way. Let's just live in the moment while we have time together."

She smiled again. She was worried. And after the tour started, they would be on the opposite sides of the world, especially the first couple of months. But if they could get through those couple of months than the rest wouldn't be so bad. "I can do that." She would try anyway. "Have anything in mind for the now?"

"Oh, I have ideas. Remember what we talked about at the diner?" He asked leaning towards her.

"Hmmmm," she wrinkled her lips. "I can't seem to remember. Maybe you should remind me." She said backing up from him a little.

"Oh, really?" He said stepping towards her. "Your memory is that bad, huh?"

"Yep," she said stepping out of his reach. "I'm getting old."

He smiled widely, dimples fully showing. "Are you playing hard to get?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. What are you trying to get?" She licked her lips and then bit her bottom one.

"You'd better stop your teasing." He said to her huskily. "You're backing yourself against the wall. I cannot be held responsible for my actions once you get there."

She hit the wall with her back. "Don't threaten me."

"Oh, it's not a threat. It is most definitely a promise." He looked down at her, eyes dark and swimming with want and need. He was close, but they weren't yet touching. He could feel the heat between their bodies. He loved the playfulness. It was new. The only time they had this type of teasing was when she was drunk after Amanda's birthday outing. She hadn't even had a drink tonight. It was great.

"Harry," she practically pouted.

Oh, that did it for him. She was practically begging him to take her. He never expected that. He crushed his body to hers pushing her harder against the wall. He found her lips and started the kiss. Their lips moving hard against each other. Not long after the kiss started, he begged for entrance with his tongue. When she opened her mouth, he groaned in pleasure. His tongue found hers. It was hot and intimate and the best kiss he'd ever had. Even with her. God, this girl. He found the bottom of her sweater and lifted it over her head. She had no bra on. Oh, he was happy about that. His hands cupped her breasts and squeezed. It had been a month since Thanksgiving. A month since he'd had his hands on her. He was needy. The way her body reacted to his touch, she seemed just as needy. That was such a turn on.

Julie felt her nipples harden under his touch. Almost painfully. She gasped in the kiss when they did. God, he made her feel things so deeply when he touched her. She'd missed it so much. She ran her hands up the front of his shirt. She felt him shiver when she did. She would never get used to her being able to do that to him. They broke the kiss for a moment while she took the shirt off over his head. She took a moment to check him out. He was an incredible man, physically as well as emotionally.

Harry watched her check him out. He couldn't allow it for long though. He wanted her body back on him. He found her lips again and wasted no time starting another tongue fight. When he felt her hands go to the waist band of his sweats and boxers he lost control. If she touched him now, he wouldn't last long. He took her by her wrists and held her arms against the wall. He kissed the side of her neck. "Not yet." He said as he kissed over her collar bone and down to her breast.

"Harry. Jesus." She said as his mouth found her breast. She broke her hands free and put them in his hair. "Now, who better stop teasing?"

"Never." He said as he picked her up around the waist and carried her to the bed. He laid her back and removed her pants. He climbed over her slowly. Kissing up her thighs.

When his mouth found her, her body jumped. No one had ever done that to her before. She didn't know what to do. The feeling was confusing. It was weird but also felt so incredible. She didn't know whether to tell him to stop or not. She closed her eyes tightly. She moaned but didn't even realize at first that it was her making the sound. She tried to pull away a bit when she felt his tongue.

Harry realized she'd probably never experienced this before. He felt her body jump, but he also knew it could make her feel a high she'd never had. He held her hips tighter when she tried to pull away. When her body twisted and turned under his hands, he knew she was realizing just how good it could feel. When he felt her arch her back, he moved his tongue quicker.

"Harry, stop, please." The pleasure was so intense her pain receptors were reacting in connection with the pleasure. She wasn't sure if she should scream or cry.

When he heard the emotion in her voice, he pulled away slowly. He quickly removed his pants and boxers and slowly entered her. He wanted her as close to her orgasm as possible, because he knew he wouldn't be able to last long. He started moving slowly at first, but when the nails from one of her hands dug into his back and the other became tangled in his hair, he moved harder and faster.

Before they both knew it, they were coming down from their high. It was intense. And hot.

Julie tried to catch her breath. She was overwhelmed in a whole new way. The pleasure she'd felt with his mouth and tongue on her was indescribable. She had never experienced that herself before. She now knew the lure. It was a feeling like no other. She slowly unwrapped her legs from around Harry's waist as he lay on top of her. She rubbed over his back and felt the scratches she had left. Oh, geez. She hadn't even realized it. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Oh, don't be sorry." Harry said finally picking his head up from her shoulder. "That was amazing. I hope you feel that way, too."

"Me? Oh geez, how could I not? I didn't know, I mean, I never felt. I never knew..." she struggled to put her thoughts into words.

"Yeah, I figured. But trust me, it's going to keep happening. You feeling that way is a definite plus for me." He said rolling off her and lying next to her. He pulled the blankets up over them and held her to him. "You're needs, feelings, and pleasure are just as important, baby. Remember that." He kissed her head. "I just want to hold you like this. Sleep like this. Feeling your skin on mine. Ok?"

"Ok." She said. She was still a bit uncomfortable staying naked. Not cleaning up and getting dressed, but she did love the feeling of his skin on hers. His chest against hers. "I don't know what to say."

He chuckled. "It's ok, baby, as long as you're happy and satisfied, then that's all that matters."

"Once again, you surprise me. I don't know how I got so lucky." She kissed his lips and then settled back next to him. "Don't let me go. Please." She said yawning and closing her eyes.

"Not a chance." He said. He held her tightly until he felt her breathing even out, and he knew she was asleep. He pulled back slightly just to watch her for a few minutes. He wanted to see if she truly was more relaxed, less stressed. When she was asleep, she couldn't pretend. He was happy to see that she did seem less on edge. It was still there, but there was a definite change. He hoped, mostly for her sake, that she was able to overcome the chaos in her head and her past. He hoped he'd be there to watch the transformation. He was proud of her. He'd forgiven her. He felt it in his heart. He was all in again. He closed his eyes and fell asleep tangled up with the girl he loved.

Niall stood up from lighting the fire in their room. "You'll be warmer, Princess, in just a minute." He turned around and rubbed Amanda's arms.

"You just had to start a snow fight with JJ, huh? Soon as you did, I knew we were all going to be cold and wet." She laughed.

"Yeah, well, what can I say? Sometimes she needs to have fun and splashing me with water or throwing snow at me, seems to make her happy." Niall said laughing.

"Yeah, you do tend to bring that out in her." She said. "I guess it's good she doesn't seem to think she has to protect you. Which is weird because everyone else seems to want to protect you all the time." Amanda laughed.

"I'm not sure why it's like that with her and I. It just seems to happen. I hope you're not mad." He said.

"Oh, no. I'm not mad. She's more careful around Harry and I. She seems to think more before she acts. With you, and even with Louis when he played his prank, she seems to just react more. I'm glad she has that with you. I hope she starts to be that way more often with me and Harry. Maybe I am just a bit jealous though. She's my best friend." Amanda play pouted at Niall.

"Oh, here we go. You think I'm trying to steal her again. I told you. Just share." Niall said playing along. "It's ok, Princess." He took her hands and led her to the blanket he had spread out in front of the fireplace. "Why don't we sit down here in front of the fire for a while?" He helped sit her down and then wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"Well, isn't this perfect." She said leaning back against him.

"It's always perfect when we're together." He kissed the side of her neck.

She leaned her head to the side while he kissed her neck. "I think it's going to get hot in here real quick." She said.

"Yeah, well maybe that was the plan." He pulled at her shirt. "I think if you're hot then you should lose this shirt." He said pulling it up, running his hands over her stomach.

"Oh, yeah, I think that's a great idea." After she shivered at his hands finding her stomach, she let him pull her shirt off over her head. "But only if you do, too. You have to be hot." She turned around and helped him out of his shirt.

He put his hands on her hips and pulled her to him. He found her lips and kissed her deeply. He ran his hands to the clasp of her bra and undid it. He sat back and slowly removed the straps from her arms and watching her chest. She was perfect to him. He took his thumb and gently ran it over one of her nipples. Watching intently when he did. He loved to see her reaction. He brought his other thumb up and teased her other nipple. She looked so amazing in the light of the fire. "You're incredibly beautiful, Princess."

"Oh, you are such a tease sometimes." She said closing her eyes. "And so sweet. You're touch drives me crazy." When she laid her head back, she felt him aggressively kiss and suck the front of her neck. "Oh my." She said. She ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back. "I've missed you so much.

"I missed you, too." Niall said pulling back enough to lay her back. He kissed down her stomach and to the waistline of her pants. "Think you can handle this, right here, in front of the fire?" He asked her running his finger inside the waistline of her pants.

"Niall, I swear to you, you'd better stop teasing me." She said watching him closely.

"Oh, but I love the way you react." He said to her. He removed her pants completely and ran his hands up her legs and up her stomach and back over her breasts. When her body shivered, he smiled. "I love it, and I love you." He kissed her deeply.

"Fucking tease." She said breathless when they broke the kiss.

"Oh, we will get there." He said. He chuckled when she became impatient and reached down and pushed his sweats down and ran her hands over his ass. "Impatient."

"Yes, I am." She said. She sat up and helped him out of the rest of his clothes. "I'm ready." She pushed him backwards and straddled his waist. "If you aren't going to take control then I am." She moved her hips slowly over him and felt him harden.

"You're the fucking tease." He said reaching up and squeezing her breasts.

"Right now, maybe a little. But I'm still impatient." She said lifting herself and helping him enter her. She closed her eyes and put her hands on his chest. God, the feeling he gave her. She opened her eyes, looked down at him, and started moving slowly.

Niall watched her body. He loved to watch her while she was on top. He ran his hands to her ass and helped her move a little quicker and a little harder. When he saw her bite her lip and moan a little, he moved his hips up harder each time she came down on him. He became impatient at that moment. He lifted her, rolled her over, and reentered her quickly. He thrust hard, pulling her hips to him as he did.

Amanda was slightly caught off guard when he thrust so hard into her. "Oh, babe." She moaned. Every thrust brought her closer to her high. She brought her legs up higher for easier access. She felt him deeper and deeper inside her. She started to orgasm. Her body released when he was still moving. His thrusting caused her to orgasm longer than she'd anticipated. At her highest point, she felt him release. They were in sync in their orgasms and coming down. She lifted her head and kissed his lips. "God, you make me feel things no one else has."

He collapsed down on her. "Yeah, I know the feeling." He kissed her neck again. "I can't stand being away from you."

Amanda smiled. "Yeah, but for now, coming back to this is ok with me."

"Oh, yeah." Niall laughed. "Me too." He slowly got up and helped her up. "I'm exhausted now." He wrapped his arms around her. "Clean up and bed?" He asked.

"Oh yeah. In your arms. No better thought." She said. "We can clean up the floor in the morning." After they cleaned up, she climbed into bed beside him. "I'm so glad we have almost a week together before you have to leave again."

"Me too, baby. Me too." He kissed her. "I love you,Princess. I hope you sleep well."

"Being in your arms, I will sleep great. I already know it." She closed her eyes. "I love you too, my Prince. I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is also on Wattpad same user name and same title. If anyone would like to go there to read, its complete there. Transferring over here slowly.....if you do go there to read make sure you follow me and say hi!! Or say hi here I would love it!


	42. Chapter 42

The next morning, Amanda and Julie were laughing in the front room drinking their coffee.  Niall and Harry had gone to pick up some pastries for breakfast.  No one really felt like cooking.  The guys were going to take the girls skiing today, and neither Julie nor Amanda had any experience at all on snowy mountains.

"Oh, we're going to make complete fools of ourselves today."  Amanda said.

"Yeah, I'm going to play perfectly at being the damsel in distress. I need my hot boyfriend to save me."  Julie said giggling.

"You?  Damsel in distress?  Seriously?  Harry is going to see right through that crap."  Amanda said laughing.

"Well, your hot boyfriend can save me then."  Julie said.  "Geez, Panda, you could have played along at least a little."

"You stay away from my hot boyfriend.  I will save you though.  I'm hot enough, right?"  Amanda laughed.

"Too hot.  You'd melt the snow."  Julie said smiling at Amanda.  "Oh, my god. Look at all these clothes we have to put on."  Julie said looking at all the ski gear the boys had gotten for them.  They had just finished laying it out to examine all of it

"It's cute though."  Amanda said.  "At least they have good taste."

"Pink.  He got me pink."  Julie shook her head.  "When have you ever seen me in pink?"  Julie laughed.

"Well, I know you'll look hot as hell in pink."  Harry said walking in and setting the food on the counter.  He took his jacket off and hung it up.  "Stop complaining.  Most girls love pink."

"I'm not most girls, love."  Julie said.  She looked at Amanda when Amanda started cracking up.

"That's the truth."  Harry said chuckling.  "You're right I should have known better.  But you will still look hot as hell."

"A pink stay puft Marshmallow man.  Yes, hot as hell.  You can roll me down the hill."  Julie said amused.

"Oh, shut up already."  Harry said coming over and kissing her quick.  "Just eat your damn breakfast."

"Well someone's feeling awful brave this morning."  Amanda said about Harry, laughing and giving Niall a kiss when he walked up.

"I'm not scared."  Harry said.  He took Julie's hand and walked her to the counter.  "We got lots of different pastries.  Let's eat so we can hit the slopes."

"Hitting them is probably all I will do.  Hard."  Julie said laughing and taking a pastry.  "Yummy carbs.  I can feel it on my hips already."

"More to hold onto."  Harry joked.  Amanda laughed even harder.

"Little fucker."  Julie said slapping at his hands which had gone to her waist.

"Little isn't what you were saying last night."  Harry laughed

"Let me amend.  Cocky little fucker."  Julie said shaking her head.

"Oh, my god.  You two need to stop.  You're killing me here."  Amanda said.  She was crying she was laughing so hard.  Maybe it wasn't the most humorous exchange she had ever heard, but it had been a long time.  She was enjoying JJ in the moment and her being sassy to Harry.  This is how she expected it to be.  Harry always took it so well.

Niall laughed harder at Amanda than he did at JJ and Harry.  He was happy though.  He loved when the four of them were together and got on so well.  It was nice to see everyone happy and playful.  It had been way too long.  "Let's just eat.  I don't want anyone to get hurt before we leave the cabin."

"Oh, so you'd rather wait until I can fall off a mountain?"  Julie said looking at Niall.

"No," he laughed.  "That's not what I meant.  Just eat, would you?"

About an hour later, the girls had finally gotten into all their ski gear.  Apparently, the boys thought they were going to be cold.  They had way too many layers.  They skipped a few pieces of clothing.  After all, Julie was originally from Wisconsin and Amanda from Iowa.  This was hardly freezing cold temperatures

They were meeting the guys at the ski lodge as they were getting their skis and everything together.  When they walked in, they saw Harry and Niall with everything waiting for them.

"Ok, let's go kill ourselves."  Julie said walking up to them.

"Always so positive."  Niall said laughing and handing Amanda her stuff.  

Amanda laughed.  "She might be right.  Are you sure we can't just watch?"

"No, you cannot."  Harry said.  "We got you."

"That's what I'm afraid of."  Julie said.  "I've seen the two of you.  Not exactly swift of foot.  In fact, we met Niall when he hurt his knee, and well dear, you've never been very good at staying on your feet on stage."

"Shut up.  Now."  Harry laughed.  He'd missed her sassiness.  He knelt down and helped her clip her ski boots on.  "Can you stand?"  He chuckled.

Julie glared at him.  "Watch yourself Styles."  She got up.  "I'm gonna go play with the little kids."  She laughed.  She so did not want to make a fool out of herself.

Niall helped Amanda stand up after she had her ski boots on.  "Ok, but they won't carry your skis for you like we will."

"Oh, such a gentleman, Niall."  Amanda laughed.  She reached out for Julie's hand and they walked in front of Niall and Harry out into the snow.  "We'll be ok.  We've got lots of padding."

"True.  Good thing for thick clothing.  It has nothing to do with the pastries going to my hips."  Julie said.

Harry laughed out loud.  "Oh, let it go.  It was a joke."  He helped her put her goggles on and put his on.  He got her onto the ski lift and sat beside her.

"Not a chance.  I'm not done with it yet."  She said leaning her head against his shoulder and closing her eyes.  She wasn't a fan of heights.  He probably didn't know that yet.

"Oh, you're afraid of heights."  He laughed as he watched her hold onto his arm and close her eyes.  "It's ok, love. I would never let you fall."  He leaned his head on hers.  It was so nice to have some sort of normalcy back.

"Be nice Harry, or you won't like the consequences."  She said to him but held onto his arm tighter.

"Oh, more punishment from you.  I'm looking forward to it."  He sighed happily. 

"Oh, not this time.  This time, no touching will be involved."  She said to him amused.

"Oh, shit, well then I better behave."  He chuckled as they made their way up the mountain.

Niall helped Amanda into the lift.  He sat beside her.  "So, Princess, is this vacation all you thought it would be?" 

"Better."  Amanda said.  "I didn't think Harry would be here.  Now that he is, I have everything I want.  You and the two of them.  I just hope it stays this way for a while now.  I know I have more to worry about; but for now, here, we're all good."

"She needs you, no doubt."  He kissed the side of her head.  "But yes, right now you have Harry and me here to help.  So, no stress, Princess."

"Except for the fact that I may fall and break my face."  Amanda said.

"Oh, I won't let anything happen to that gorgeous face.  Maybe a leg, or an arm, but never that face."  Niall laughed as Amanda swatted him.  He helped her off the lift, and they went over by Harry and Julie.

The day was spent on the slopes, and it was fun.  After a while though, the girls had had enough.  They were tired of falling on their asses.  They went and got some hot chocolate and food and sat and talked.

"You seem to be doing pretty well, JJ."  Amanda said.  "You doing ok?"

"Yeah, I mean.  I still have a lot on my mind.  I still think about way more than I should, but I'm learning.  I'm glad to be back with you, and have Niall and Harry here.  As much as I want to hide my struggles right now so everyone can have a good time, I know I shouldn't.  So far, since we've gotten here though, I've been pretty good.  Harry has once again proven how much of a stand-up guy he is by forgiving me for leaving.  For supporting me completely through what was probably my biggest break ever.  How can I not feel lucky?  I know this is not how it will always be, but for now, it is.  For now, I'm comfortable."  She reached over and put her hand on Amanda's on the table.  "It's not all Harry either Panda. You are the best friend I've ever had.  Ever.  And I mean that.  No one has ever understood me.  No one had ever cared to even wonder why I was so cold.  You never stopped."

"Ok, no more."  Amanda sniffled.  "My tears will freeze to my cheeks."  She put her other hand on top of JJ's.  "Believe it or not, you were always there for me.  Crazy as it sounds, sometimes your abrupt, unemotional response is exactly what I needed.  I'm too emotional sometimes.  We even each other out.  Although you've become more emotional, you still have the spunk and that sass.  We are the perfect friends, JJ.  We always will be."

"Until you marry Niall, and have beautiful babies and travel the world."  Julie said sitting back.

"Right."  Amanda laughed.  "We really should worry about that now, JJ."

"Hey, you never know.  Look where we are 4 months after we went to that first concert."  Julie said.  "It could happen anytime."

"I wouldn't worry about that now, JJ.  I'm all yours while our boyfriends tour the world."  Amanda said.  She laughed, but it was a bit of a sad thought too.

"Yeah, let's not talk about that right now.  The new emotional me might not be able to deal with that thought just yet."  Julie laughed.

The boys came up to them awhile later.  They sat behind each of them and wrapped their arms around them.

"How are our little snow bunnies?"  Harry asked.

"My ass hurts."  Julie said to him.

"I will rub your ass later, babe."  He kissed the side of her neck.

Julie just rolled her eyes.  "Oh, you wish.  I'm thinking hot tub.  With Amanda."

"Yeah, nice try JJ; but I will not leave you and Amanda alone in a hot tub."  Niall said.  "I don't trust the two of you."

"Niall!"  Amanda laughed.

"He shouldn't."  Julie said.  She laughed when Harry bit her neck playfully.

"Ok, then I suppose we can let you two take us into the hot tub.  Long as it includes champagne and you as our man servants."  Julie said standing up and pulling Harry up by the hands.

"Oh yes!"  Amanda agreed.  "And strawberries."

"Are there two separate hot tubs? 'Cuz I like the sound of that, but I'm not sure I want anyone else in the hot tub with us when it leads to where it is definitely going to go."  Harry said to Julie.

"Pervert."  Julie said holding his hands when he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Oh, you were thinking it, too."  He said to her laughing.

"I know I was."  Amanda said laughing.

"Yeah, me too.  There's only one hot tub, but there's a whirl pool bath tub in our room, so I think we can make do with that."  Niall said wrapping his arm around Amanda's waist.

They were laughing and walking back towards the cabin when some fans spotted Harry and Niall.  It was only a matter of time.  There was quite a group with their phones out taking pictures and asking for selfies with them.

Julie pulled her hood up and tighter around her.  This was not a moment she wanted.  She took a few deep breaths.  She watched the ground.  This was it.  There was no doubt, going to be pictures on social media now.  Did they catch her face?  Oh god, what was going to happen?  She was starting to panic a little.  She wanted to just run back to the cabin.  "Harry."  She said.

Harry watched Julie pull her hood around her tighter.  He could hear the panic in her voice from her simply saying his name.  "It's ok.  Baby.  It's ok."  He looked at Amanda.  "Take her back to the cabin?  We will occupy them and meet you there."

Amanda nodded.  "Of course," she took JJ's arm and walked with her quickly to the cabin.  She noticed some of the girls followed behind them and were snapping pictures.  Of course, she put her arm around JJ's back and led her to the door.  She kept herself between JJ and the girls as much as possible.  She unlocked the door and got her inside.  JJ hadn't said anything but slowly began removing her snow clothes.  "JJ, you ok?"

"I'm, I don't know."  She said.  Hands shaking some as she took everything off and hung it up.  "I don't think I could have ever prepared myself for that."  She took a deep breath.  "And that wasn't even bad really."

"It will be ok."  Amanda said making them some coffee.  She finished it and brought the mug to JJ.  "You're being quiet again."

"I know."  She held the mug.  "It's just, new."

"I know."  Amanda said hugging her.  "Things will be fine."

"What if Johnny sees?  I'm still so scared of that."  Julie said.

Harry and Niall walked in right when Julie said that.

"Hey," Harry said taking his ski clothes off as quickly as possible.  "He can't get to you here.  I promise."

Amanda could see the fear on her face.  "You are safe here, JJ."

"You are."  Niall said.  "People can't just drive up here and be let in on a whim."

When Harry walked up to Julie, he watched her take a step back.  He took a deep breath and watched her pick her head up slowly and look him in the eyes.  He kept calm.  "Baby, you're ok.  We got this."  He said quietly.

Julie kept lock on his eyes.  She nodded slowly when he spoke so calmly and quietly.  She took a few deep breaths.  She shook her head after a minute though and started breathing harder.  She couldn't stop the panic.  He was going to find her.  The one fear she couldn't shake.  He was going to find her again.  He was going to take it all out on her.  She kept trying to calm down.  She didn't want to panic.

Harry watched her.  Dammit.  Her anxiety was increasing by the second.  He wasn't going to back her into a corner though.  He took a step back.  "Baby, listen to me.  It's going to be ok.  It's ok to be scared.  But let me help you with your fear."

It's ok to be scared.  It's ok to show fear.  It's ok. Those words.  They were the ones she needed to accept.  She had a reason to be scared.  It wasn't irrational.  Fear was ok.  Deal with the fear.  Let someone help with the fear.  She swallowed hard.  She looked from Harry to Amanda and Niall.  It was ok.  They can know that she felt scared.  It didn't mean they thought she was weak.  She kept running through the steps in her brain.  Let them help.  She looked back into Harry's eyes.

Harry smiled when she looked back into his eyes.  That's it.  Come to me.  We can do this together. Harry thought.  He didn't say anything though.  He just calmly took a few breaths, so she could see his breathing was even and steady.  He had read some of her book that morning before she woke up.  He wanted to learn how to help her.  Seemed he'd read the right part.  Good thing.  He never broke eye contact.  He could see her breathing slowing down.

Amanda was amazed.  Harry had taken a step back and remained extremely calm.  She had questioned when he took a step back, but it seemed it was exactly what JJ needed.  How did he know to do that?  She had to find out.  If she was going to be alone with JJ while the guys were touring, she needed to learn how to calm JJ's panic.  She looked at Niall.

Niall kissed Amanda's head.  "Just stay calm, baby." Niall whispered to her  "She's doing ok.  Harry seems to have a handle on this."  He wrapped his arms around Amanda.

"He does.  I need to learn."  She said.

Julie closed her eyes and reopened them.  She looked up into Harry's eyes again.  And then, it happened.  She felt the panic slowly dissipate.  She took one more deep breath and then moved quickly to him.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried herself into his chest.  He'd pulled her right out of her panic attack.  Thank god she had him.

Amanda took a deep breath.  It was so good to see.  She took Niall's hand, and they nodded at Harry and went to their room.  It could have been a lot worse.  She was glad it wasn't.

"I told you we got this, baby."  Harry said rubbing her back.  "You're so strong."


	43. Chapter 43

"Baby, can you come here please?" Harry asked later that night. He was sitting in bed writing, well trying. He really was watching Julie, who was trying to pretend that she was reading her book on the floor by the fireplace. She wasn't doing a very good job of it. She wasn't even turning pages.

Julie took a deep breath and slowly closed the book. She slowly got up and put the book back in her bag. She walked over to the bed and sat down. "Hi." She said quietly.

"Hi." He said. He put his pen in his book and put it aside. He carefully took her in his arms and pulled her back against his chest. He kissed her head. "Think you can talk to me now?"

"I don't know, Harry." She said playing with his hands in front of her. "There's so much running through my head right now."

"That's why I'm here, baby. Well, you know what I mean. I'm here for you, all of you. Talk it out." He said as he nuzzled his face in her hair by her neck.

"I'm just trying; I don't know, I guess to process how scary this is. I mean, I don't think I would like all the pictures and the posts anyway, but to know that one post, one picture, one person posting where we are can completely change everything, it really scares me." She sat up and turned and looked at him taking his hands. "I have you here now. And I feel safe and comfortable with that. As much as I can." She took one hand and wiped the stray tears falling from her eyes onto her cheeks. "But then you leave, and we go back home. And I know I'm not alone. I know I have Amanda. But you've seen Johnny; he's not small. And Amanda is tough, but she can't protect me. And I don't want her hurt. And when someone sees me and says that's the girl that was with Harry, and they post 'I just saw her at this store in LA or at the hospital', and he finds out. No restraining order is going to stop him." She wiped at her tears again. "And I kept pushing it away. I kept trying to forget about it. But I can't."

Harry sniffled and wiped a tear from his cheek. He couldn't stand the tears and emotions he could hear in her voice. He could almost feel the emotion. Feel the fear. "Julie, I don't know what to say."

"I know, Harry." She took a shaky breath. "Leave it to me to fall in love with a super megastar musician, instead of the baker around the corner. That small group of girls scared me. I don't know how to make it not scare me. I don't know how to face Johnny and get over my fear. I don't know how to do anything. And I hate that."

He took his thumb and wiped her cheek, holding her hands still with his other hand. "I can't make it go away,Julie. I can't take it all from you, or I would. Don't think I'm not going to worry when I leave. I will, every day. I just don't know what to do."

"Just be you. Be here when you can. Listen to me. And don't run away when I freak out. I don't know how you did what you did tonight. I don't know how you stopped me from panicking and from completely breaking down. But, you did. And part of me hates that you're leaving here and doing album promo and then shortly after that going a world away to start the tour. I do. I selfishly want you to be here to help me. But I need to do it on my own, too. I can't just count on you to shield me from it. Even though, right now that's all I want. I hate being conflicted about that. I'm so amazed by you, and your talent, and everything you do. How amazing you are and how important you are to millions of people. How you can make someone feel so good about themselves just by speaking to a camera, or giving them a hug. Or performing in front of them." She cleared her throat and took another deep shaky breath. "I'm proud I can call you my boyfriend."

"But me calling you my girlfriend causes you anxiety." He looked at her. He just realized how much that him being him affected her and her recovery. "And that's not good."

"Harry, I can't lie to you. Yeah, I mean if you weren't who you are, it probably would be a little easier. Especially for me, because there wouldn't be as much of a chance of Johnny finding me by people posting things." She got on her knees and took his face in her hands. "But I'm not willing to let you go just to make it easier. Promise me that you won't leave because you think it's easier for me."

He put his hands on her waist and looked at her, his eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to make this harder for you. I don't want to cause you this much anxiety."

"Harry, stop, please." She said crying harder. "I don't want to do this without you. I wouldn't even be healing, or getting help if it wasn't for you. I'm talking to you about this because you helped me. Again, look at tonight. You took away my panic, my fear, my hurt." She leaned her forehead against his. "Don't you dare walk away to try and protect me. I can't let you do that."

"I will do anything to protect you, Julie. Anything." He closed his eyes when their foreheads were together.

"Don't. Don't you dare." She put her hands on the side of his neck. "Don't Harry, I mean it. I need to be able to talk to you, but I can't be afraid I'm going to lose you."

"Julie, how can I know that just being with me causes you so much hurt and fear and anxiety, and not do anything about it?" He said. This really bothered him. He never thought about the consequences of the public romance. He knew whomever he was with would be thrust into the spotlight; but with her past, it made it that much more difficult.

"I swear to you right now if you walk away from me." She couldn't even continue. She got up. "Don't do this! I'm opening up to you! I'm sharing my fears! It's supposed to help! It's not supposed to make me lose you!"

"Julie, calm down, baby." He got up. He didn't mean to freak her out. But he now realized he did.

"I can't do this! I wish I was as strong as Niall makes me out to be! I'm not!" She said. She felt like something was sitting on her chest. "You took away my panic before, and now I'm panicking because you're going to leave me!" She went to the bedroom door and opened it. She trusted him. She'd opened up. She had told him what she was feeling, and now he's going to leave her. She couldn't do it. Not anymore. No! Damn it! She grabbed her jacket threw her boots on and slammed the door after she walked out.

Amanda came out of the bedroom when she heard the door slam. She saw Harry quickly putting on his jacket and boots. "What's going on?"

"I fucked up. I didn't mean too, but I did. I will explain as soon as I get her back here." He said as he walked out the door.

As soon as Julie saw him walk out, she threw herself at him. "Don't fucking leave me!" She said. She could barely breathe. "Don't think it's protecting me!"

"Baby, I'm not leaving." He held her tight. Thank god. He didn't mean to make it seem that way. "Shhhh." He said leaning his head on hers. "I promise. I didn't mean to make it seem that way." Oh, he was so glad she came back into his arms. God, he really didn't mean to make it seem like that. "I want to protect you. I'm still learning how to go about this. I'm not leaving. Not if you don't want me to. But if you asked, I would. Because I love you, and I want to make sure you're safe."

"I need you." She said. "I really need you. Don't say things like that."

"I am sorry." He said. "Let's get you inside. It's cold out here." He walked her back inside and took her coat and hung it up.

"What's going on, JJ?" Amanda asked taking her hand and walking her to the couch.

Julie looked up at Amanda, but it took her a minute. This was normally time when she was ready to shut down. This was the time she had to fight with her own mind. "Harry said he was going to leave to protect me."

"That's not true. Not exactly." Harry said.

"JJ?" Amanda said taking her hands.

"Being with him is hard because of the spotlight. Things like tonight. It's going to get back to Johnny, and it scares me. I told him that. He now seems to think it would be best to leave to protect me." Julie said.

Niall came from the kitchen and handed everyone a tea. "Figured maybe we need a little something to relax. No caffeine in this tea." He then leaned down and kissed JJ's head after he handed her the tea. "I think maybe tonight just got a little bit carried away."

"I didn't tell him so he would leave." Julie said looking at her cup.

"I'm not." Harry took a deep breath. "Julie, I'm not leaving." He knew he should have reacted differently. But it was difficult for him to know that he was causing this much stress.

"JJ, each of us would do anything to protect you if you asked. I'm sure it was just hard for Harry to hear that being with him caused you problems." Amanda looked at Harry who nodded. "He's going to have a hard time with this too, you know. He's going to struggle right along with you to get through this."

"I trusted him." Julie started.

"No, you TRUST him." Amanda said.

"Ok, I trust him, and so I told him what my worst fears are, and then he gives me another one. Now, I'm scared more than anything that I'm going to lose him." Julie said looking into her tea cup.

Amanda looked at Harry again. She could tell his heart was in pieces. He didn't mean to make it worse. "He's scared he's hurting you more than he's helping. JJ, you have to try and help him too. He's not sure, just like I'm not sure, the best way to do that."

To their surprise, she just nodded. They all looked at each other when she just kept nodding. "You're right." She said. "I'm sorry." She set the tea cup on the table and got up. "I'm sorry." She walked over to Harry and looked up at him. "Can you forgive me, again?"

Harry gave her a shocked look. "Forgive you? Baby," he pulled her into his arms, "there is nothing to forgive. We had a misunderstanding. Sweetheart, I promise it's ok. Let's go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day and a big night." He never let her go as they walked back to the bedroom. He was still shocked she'd stopped herself from running and that she had thrown herself back at him. He kept realizing how much she was letting him in. He had to learn to be more careful with how he reacted. He would do anything to protect her. But he wasn't going to leave her unless she wanted him to. Not when she was doing so well with things so quickly. He wanted to believe he was a part of that. When she apologized to him one more time as they climbed into bed, he brushed it off again. She didn't need to. They had gotten through a lot. She had opened up a lot. He would continue to learn. It was all ok. When she curled up next to him in bed, he was relieved. She didn't shut herself off. She didn't go to her "safe place". She didn't pull away. All progress. He closed his eyes when he felt her relax lying on his chest. No, he wasn't going to leave. Not unless she asked him to.

Niall helped Amanda back into bed. "You ok?" He climbed in beside her.

"Yeah, I just feel bad for Harry. I know he didn't mean what JJ thought he meant." Amanda said lying next to Niall. "But I also understand her being scared that he was going to leave. I would do the same thing if I thought it would protect her."

"Yeah, I know. And like we've discussed before, just you and I together could cause her issues since you two are so close. We would do anything to protect her." He kissed her head.

"I like seeing her tell him she needs him. I like seeing her believe they should be together. It's just so soon. I think part of her wants to go back to what she knew before. And part of her struggles to use what she's learned. I imagine this won't be the last time there's issues she doesn't quite understand." Amanda said closing her eyes.

"I imagine not, my love." He leaned his head on hers and closed his eyes. "Which is why we will always be there to talk her off the ledge. Goodnight, my beautiful Princess."

"Goodnight, my Prince." Amanda said. Yes, someone would always be there to talk JJ off the ledge. God, she hoped it would get easier as time went on. She did understand both Harry's and JJ's points. She was so glad Harry loved JJ as much as he did. She was also happy with how JJ handled her hurt. How she hadn't run. She'd watched out the window when JJ threw herself at Harry when he walked out the door. Maybe her friend would use that massive heart she had from now on. She could only hope. She finally fell asleep still contemplating the night.


	44. Chapter 44

The next day, Julie was still emotionally exhausted.  It was so much easier to hide everything.  She was trying not to though.  She didn't want to get up.  Today was New Year's Eve.  They were treating it like a combination of Christmas and New Year's as they hadn't been able to spend Christmas together.  Niall and Harry were going to get them a small tree, and they were going to decorate it together and then exchange gifts.  While Harry was getting ready, Julie went in and climbed into bed with Amanda, laid her head on Amanda's shoulder, and snuggled into the covers.

 

"Hi, friend."  Amanda said kissing her head.  "You ok?"

 

"Not really."  Julie sighed.  "I'm exhausted.  All this wears me out.  And I just kept dreaming last night and waking up to make sure Harry was still there."

 

"JJ.  He's not going to leave, especially like that.  I get how you misunderstood what happened last night, but if you can deal with it, he's not going to leave."  Amanda tried to comfort her.

 

"What happens if Johnny finds me, Panda?  What happens then?"  Julie asked closing her eyes.

 

Amanda saw Niall coming out of the bathroom, and she immediately motioned him to stay quiet.  "JJ, I don't know.  But what I would like you to do is stand up to him.  Show him that he no longer can make you feel the way he did anymore.  If you show him you're not afraid, if you show him he doesn't affect your life anymore, he most likely will go away."

 

"I do wish I was as strong as Niall thinks I am."  Julie said taking a deep breath and relaxing.  She was so tired.

 

"You are.  You just need to realize it."  Amanda said.  She knew that's what Niall wanted to say.  "Just try to get some sleep.  We can relax while the boys go get the tree."

 

Niall nodded and then went into the kitchen for a drink.  He heard Harry come out.  "Morning."  He handed him a bottle of water.

 

"Morning."  Harry said taking the water.  "Have you seen Julie?"

 

"Yeah, she crawled in bed with Amanda.  I think we are on our own with this tree thing.  She seemed pretty tired.  And Amanda wasn't going to leave her."  Niall said walking to the front.

 

"Yeah, she was pretty restless last night.  That may be my fault."  Harry said putting his boots and jacket on.

 

"Harry, you both need to stop being so hard on yourselves.  As long as you weren't really planning on leaving her, I don't think you have anything to blame yourself for."  Niall said going outside with him.

 

"I don't want to leave, Niall.  But if things get worse, then what am I supposed to do?  She's so scared of him finding her, and I'm the one that's makes it most likely to happen.  I can't be there to protect her all the time.  I'm sure you don't want Amanda to be put in that situation."  Harry said walking with Niall down to the owner's cabin.  He had helped them with their goal of getting a tree and decorations for this celebration.

 

"If he's going to find her, Harry, he's going to do it whether you are with her or not.  You know that as well as I do."  Niall said.  "I get your concern.  I get you would never do anything to hurt her on purpose, but think about how much it's hurting her to think you will leave.  She trusts you.  It's hard for her."

 

"Why do you seem to understand her so much?  Like you seem to get her more than anyone, and I can't figure that out."  Harry said as they knocked on the door.

 

"Because I observe a lot.  You and Amanda are right in the middle of it.  I get to watch her react more.  It's really not that difficult."  Niall shrugged.

 

Julie woke up with a start and sat up quickly.  Damn dreams.  This time it wasn't about Johnny though.  Her brain was stuck on the fact that Harry was going to break up with her to save her the trouble.  This was so complicated.  She had to share her fears in order for the therapy to work; but when she did, it hurt the one's she loved.  She rubbed her face.

 

Amanda rubbed JJ's back.  "Harry dream again?"  When JJ nodded, Amanda sighed.  "He isn't going to leave JJ.  I saw him.  His heart was breaking.  He struggles too."

 

"I know, trust me Amanda, I know.  But the more I share, the more it seems to hurt everyone else.  So I'm supposed to share so that it helps me get rid of the fear and the hurt, but I'm supposed to hurt everyone else?  Doesn't seem right to me."  Julie said getting up.  "I'm going to go take a shower.  Could my fucking life get any more complicated?"  She left Amanda's room.

 

Amanda groaned and lay back on the bed.  Damn, this was going to be hard.  She understood where JJ was coming from.  But she also knew the pain JJ was going through was more than what she, Niall, and even Harry, were going through.  If only there was a way to get JJ to stop worrying about everyone else before herself.  Yeah, she doubted that was going to happen any time soon.  One step forward, two steps back.  She pushed herself up and went to shower.

 

By the time the girls were showered, dressed, and ready, the boys were back.  Julie came out first.  It was going to be a nice, relaxing day and evening, and then they were going to the New Year's Eve celebration that the resort was putting on.  Julie was nervous about being with all those other people, but she didn't want to disappoint Harry.  She needed to get over her instinct of hiding her relationship to the rest of the world.  "Wow.  It's perfect."  She said to the boys when she walked up.  "It smells so fresh.  I love it."

 

Harry smiled when she came out.  She looked tired and stressed, but he wanted to make sure this day was great for her.  "Glad you think so.  C'mere."  He said reaching his arms out for her.

 

Julie walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against him.  "I do. You and Niall do so much for us.  I'm so grateful!"

 

"She's right."  Amanda said coming out.  She walked up to Niall and gave him a kiss.  "You guys are better than any Prince Charming we ever dreamed of."

 

The next several hours were spent decorating the tree and drinking hot chocolate.  The conversation was light and plentiful.  They strung popcorn to put on the tree and more popcorn ended up on the floor or eaten than on the tree.  It looked amazing by the time they were done.

 

Julie pushed Harry onto the couch and climbed onto his lap.  "Thank you."

 

Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around her.  "For what?"

 

"Not running.  I feel I need to thank you more often for that."  She leaned against him.

 

"You never have to thank me for that.  I still think it's an honor you chose me to trust."  He said with a happy sigh.  He was still convinced they would get through it.  The good, the bad, the horrible.  "You look tired."

 

She sighed.  "I am.  Can we just take a break from all my confessions right now though?  Just a break."

 

"Yes, love, of course."  He held onto her and cuddled with her for a while.  She just watched the tree.  As they were sitting there, he felt her relax more and more the longer they stayed there.  He almost thought she fell asleep.

 

Eventually, Harry and Julie gave their gifts to Niall and Amanda and vice versa.  They decided the couple's gifts should be given in private.  So when they were done, they split off to their rooms.

 

Amanda decided she should go first.  She handed Niall a nicely wrapped box.  She watched him slowly unwrap it and waited for his response.  She watched him pull out the personalized writing journal.  Beautifully bound in brown leather.  On the front his initials were engraved along with a guitar that was made exactly like the necklace he'd given her for her birthday.  Also on the bottom of the front, engraved beautifully was 'Love, Amanda.'  She hoped he liked it.

 

"Wow, Princess."  He ran his hand over the smooth leather.  He opened it and looked through it.  "It's amazing."  He leaned over and kissed her.  "It's perfect."  He couldn't stop running his hand over the smooth leather.

 

"I just wanted you to think of me every time you write.  Totally not selfish of me at all."  Amanda said laughing.

 

"Oh, it's not selfish at all.  I would be thinking of you anyway."  He put the journal carefully back into the box for now.  "Ok, my turn."  He handed Amanda a medium sized box and a small box.  He watched her closely as she opened the larger one first.  He hoped she liked them both.  The first was a personally designed jewelry box.  It was a beautiful cherry oak with an engraving of a Princess on the top.  It had 'For My Princess' engraved on it as well.  It was multitiered and brilliantly hand crafted.  He watched her start to tear up.  "Hold on Princess, open the other present first.  He then watched her slowly open the little box.  It was a beautiful tennis bracelet, once again from Tiffany's.  It matched the necklace he gave her for her birthday.  "So, now you have a place to put everything.  Because I don't plan on this being the last of things I give you."

 

Amanda was crying.  "Niall, everything is so beautiful.  So perfect.  I don't know what to say.  Thank you so very much!"  She kissed him.  "I can't believe all of this.  I still can't believe I have you."  She kissed him again.  She still didn't know how she'd gotten so lucky.  "I love you."  She hugged him tightly.

 

"I love you too, Princess.  Merry Christmas."  Niall kissed her back and then held her tightly.

 

Harry walked up to Julie who was sitting on the bed playing with a small box in her hand.  He sat next to her and leaned against her shoulder.  "Is that for me?"

 

Julie took a deep breath.  "Yes.  I want to be able to give you the world Harry, like you've given me."

 

"Hey, don't do that.  I know it's hard for you to believe, but you letting me love you is more than I can ask for."  He said.

 

"Ok, you don't do that."  She started to cry.  "Stop making me cry.  Loving me isn't easy.  Don't pretend it is."

 

"It is.  I will never say anything else.  I love you, and I can't help it.  So just learn to accept it."  He said kissing her lips and wiping her tears.  "Now stop crying and let me have my gift."  He tried to lighten things up a little.

 

"Ok, but remember I'm not working right now, so it's not exactly what I wanted it to be."  She said as she handed him the box.  She watched him open it to a clear glass bottle shaped like a G with some dirt in it.  "You have to let me explain.  There is a note, but let me explain in more detail.  I know you're a fan of the Green Bay Packers; and since I grew up in Wisconsin, and they are basically my religion, I thought maybe this would mean something to you.  When I was little, my grandparents took me to Lambeau Field.  It was every football fans dream, in Wisconsin, to go visit the field.  Somehow, they got us down onto the field.  There was some construction going on, and we got to take some dirt from the field, and my grandparents got me a glass G to put it in."  She got up and walked over to her purse.  "It's the one thing I never go anywhere without.  Since they passed away, I always have them with me."  She pulled it out and walked back to him.  She held hers up which was now half full like his.  "Now you have half, and I have half, so that when we come together we make it whole.  Just like you make me."

 

Harry just stared at her through the whole explanation.  When she brought hers out from her bag, his eyes started to tear up.  When she said that when they were together it was whole just like he made her, he lost it.  Seriously?  God damn, where did this woman come from?  He stood up, pulled her up and into his arms, and just kissed her.  The tears wouldn't stop.  After he kissed her a few times, he pulled her into his arms.  He looked at the beautiful glass G he was holding in his hands behind her back.  "This is the best gift I could have ever asked for.  Are you kidding when you say it's not good enough?"  He closed his eyes and held her.  "Julie, you have no idea what this means to me."  He heard her whisper, 'there's more', and he pulled back and looked at her.  "What?"

 

"Just, it's on the bottom of the box."  She went and pulled out a little envelope and then a picture from the envelope.  She handed him the picture.  "That's a picture of me right after we got the dirt, and then, well, you recognize the picture of you about the same age.  I had them put together.  Your mom gave me a copy of the picture."  The picture said:  'From the bottom to the top,' and 'the sun, the moon, the stars.'

 

"Woman.  I swear to you."  He looked at the picture.  This was the perfect gift.  He put his one hand on her cheek and looked her in the eyes while he held the gifts in his other hand.  "Your heart is too big for your body.  I will continue to try to show you how amazing you really are.  Even if it takes me the rest of my life."  He kissed her again.  "The sun, the moon, the stars.  Your tattoo."

 

"Yeah, there was a time where I was reaching for the sun, the moon, and the stars.  Then there was a time when I thought they were so far out of reach that I just gave up.  Now, you've brought them back into my reach."  She said looking at the ground.

 

"For Christ sake."  He was overwhelmed.  She didn't share her feelings often.  But when she did, good god, she was good at it.

 

"I love you, Harry.  No matter how little I say it, or how much I hide it sometimes,  I love you.  More than I ever thought I could love another person."  She took a deep breath she was trying not to cry.

 

"Fuck.  You are amazing.  I cannot top this.  No money in the world could buy a gift more perfect than this."  He meant it.  The thought she'd put into her gifts, the meaning behind them, her words.  She was brilliant with words.

 

"I'm sure you've done just fine.  Don't pretend you don't have the best heart in the world."  Julie said.  She watched him walk to his bag and bring over a box.  She took it when he handed it to her.

 

"Well, it doesn't compare to what you just gave me."  He said.  Like a full happy heart he thought.  "But I tried."  He watched her open the box to a beautiful charm bracelet.  He watched her look at each of the charms.  They each had a special meaning.  "The anchor."  He said when she touched it.  "To know I will always be there to hold you in place when you want to run.  The dove, so that you know that I will do my best to try to bring peace to your life as much as I can.  The heart.  You have my heart, you're in my heart, and you complete my heart.  And then the sun, the moon, and the stars.  From the moment I saw that tattoo on the small of your back, I knew I wanted to give them to you.  It's just the start, baby."

 

Julie looked up at him.  "Harry, geez, doesn't compare?  It's beautiful, and incredible, and so thoughtful."  She handed it to him and gave him her wrist.  She watched him put it on.  It was the best gift he could have given her.  She touched it with her other hand.  "Oh, I love it."

 

"There's room for more too.  To add as we continue this journey through life together."  He smiled at her.

 

She smiled back and reached up and kissed him.  "The only journey that matters."


	45. Chapter 45

Amanda came into JJ's room to get ready for the party.  She was a bit nervous herself, so she was sure JJ was going to be quite nervous.  Amanda watched JJ sitting at the vanity putting her make-up on.  "Hey, how you doing?"

 

Julie looked in the mirror at Amanda.  "I'm alright, Panda.  I'm glad we did the presents earlier as Harry made me bawl, but I'm good.  How are you?"  She asked looking back at herself and trying to get her eyeliner right.  "God, I hate make-up."

 

Amanda laughed and took the eye liner from JJ.  "Let me help you; you know you always look amazing though.  You do a good job."  She sat down in front of JJ and helped apply the rest of JJ's make-up.  She applied a little bit more than JJ usually used, but it was a special occasion and she wanted to help JJ feel as beautiful as she thought she was.  "Want help with your hair too?"

 

Julie looked in the mirror and stared for a minute.  "Panda."  She was amazed.  "How did you do that?"  She couldn't believe how blue her eyes looked and how full her lips looked.  "You're amazing."  She looked up at her.  "Yeah, I guess so, if you have time."

 

"I have time.  We can go whenever we are ready.  The boys can wait."  She said as she grabbed the brush and stood behind JJ.  They hadn't had a moment like this in a long time, and JJ had never let her do her make-up and hair before.  She always told Amanda it wasn't necessary.  But then again, she had always tried to stay out of the center of attention before.  Amanda understood now why Julie didn't want to go out much before.  "JJ, can I ask you something?"

 

"You just did."  Julie said looking at her bracelet on her wrist.

 

"That bracelet's beautiful.  Harry did a great job."  They had shown each other their gifts earlier.  They were very lucky girls.  "But yes, smart ass, seriously.  Did you ever go out?  Before, everything happened?"

 

Julie took a deep breath.  She knew Amanda was curious about her past.  She never shared much.  But it was still hard.  She wasn't that girl anymore.  Not the one before Johnny, not the one with Johnny, and really not the one she had been a few weeks ago.  "Not really.  I was 19 going on 20 when I got with Johnny.  He was slightly older.  I was basically young and naïve.  We had a good time at first.  Mutual friends and all.  Then we became serious.  I was with him all the time.  He never wanted me to go out without him, and when we went out together, I was basically just there."

 

Amanda shook her head.  "I wish I had been in Wisconsin instead of Iowa.  I would have never let that happen to you."

 

"Panda, you would have been what, 17, when we got together?  It was my choice.  I just never knew how it was supposed to be in a relationship.  I thought he knew.  I thought he loved me.  We moved in together and then that was it.  Once that happened, he pretty much knew he had all the power and control.  And I was just too scared to change it.  I had a lot of dreams.  I got my tattoo at 18, I wanted nothing more than to reach for the sun, moon, and stars.  I was a small-town girl with big city dreams."  Julie said looking at the bracelet again.  "I was always writing.  Always dreaming of getting out and writing for a career.  I was told to get my head out of the clouds.  Get a job, go to school, and stop thinking anything could come from a notebook full of words.  My family always thought I was too much of a dreamer, not enough of a realist.  Johnny fell right into that.  I was always told I wasn't good enough.  One day I came home to Johnny with my notebook."  Julie didn't know why she was spilling all of this.  It probably wasn't the time.  "I'm sorry.  This can wait."  She said picking up the blush brush and playing with it.

 

"No, it's good.  JJ, keep talking."  Amanda said brushing slowly through JJ's hair.  She wanted to hear this.  It would help her understand.  She glanced towards the door and saw Harry leaning on the doorframe.  He put his finger to his lips to stay quiet.  Amanda nodded.  "Come on JJ.  Let's hear about you."

 

Julie sighed.  "I guess.  I walked in, and Johnny had my notebook.  He must have gone through my things to find it.  I always hid it because I knew no one approved.  When I walked in he laughed.  He basically said 'this is the crap you write?  You call this talent?  It's a bunch of crap and thank god, we stopped you from embarrassing yourself.'  At that point, I stopped writing. I was so hurt and so embarrassed.  I stopped doing anything with writing, and I just worked and tried to make everyone happy.  After a bit though, I missed it, so I decided to do it for me again but took better care in hiding it.  Then, it just sort of became my thing.  I would write privately, and I would hide it.  No one saw it, but I still got to do it.  Ever since then, it just became my thing.  My thoughts, my dreams.  Something I always had, always got to go back to."

 

"I knew it.  I knew there had to be a reason you hide your writing."  Amanda tried to hide her tears.  "God, did he ever say anything nice to you?"  She glanced at Harry who was still standing in the door way but had his arms crossed tightly.  She could tell he wasn't happy.  "No one supported what you did?  No one encouraged you to do what you loved?"

 

"No, I didn't really have any friends left when I moved in with Johnny.  You know why that would happen.  He didn't want me to have friends.  He didn't want me to get any idea other than what he put in my head.  It was the only way he could guarantee I wouldn't leave.  People would put ideas in my head.  Like that I should be careful, or I should leave, and before I knew it, they weren't allowed to be a part of my life anymore.  I don't know.  Seeing how things go for real now, I see how dumb I was.  But what could I do?"

 

"No."  Harry said walking over towards them.  "You weren't dumb.  You were controlled."  He knelt down in front of her.  "You should never have had to deal with that.  You weren't wrong.  You were finding your way, and you fell into a bad relationship.  I have seen one poem, the one you wrote Amanda, and I can tell you're talented.  Julie, I would always support your dreams.  No matter what they are.  And that's how it should be."

 

Julie looked at Harry kneeling in front of her and smiled.  "I know that.  Now."  She cupped his cheek.  "Tonight, will not be sad though.  I'm just trying to be honest when someone asks a question.  I know it's hard for you that I don't share my writing.  And maybe, someday, I will.  But for now.  It's my safety.  It's the one thing I need, especially the older stuff.  But maybe the things I write going forward will be more of the things I want to share.  Because I have people who are here for me.  And want to do for me, and help me.  Instead of me being there to take care of them only."  Julie looked from Harry to Amanda and then to Niall who had come into the room just a minute before.  "I have you three.  Three amazing people who never gave up on me, even though I had given up on myself a long time ago.  I couldn't ask for anything more."

 

"Shit.  JJ."  Niall said as he kissed her cheek and then wrapped his arms around Amanda.  "You even made me tear up there.  I told you that you were strong.  And I told you that I would hate you for the rest of your life, and I'm going to."  He rubbed Amanda's back when she buried her face in his shoulder.  "Guess you did your daily duty by making Amanda cry."  Niall laughed.

 

"Yeah, sorry."  Julie said laughing a little.  "I have made people cry a lot lately.  But this time, I don't regret it.  You guys are everything to me.  And I'm working through things with my family.  It's just time things got better.  And it will take a long time, but I didn't get into this overnight.  I'm not going to get over it overnight."

 

Harry stood up, pulled her up, and hugged her so tight her feet came up off the ground.  "I don't want to cry anymore.  But by god, I swear every time you speak on this trip I'm a mess."  He set her down and kissed her.  Then he kissed her again.

 

"Stop.  You're ruining my make-up."  Julie said grinning and slapping at him.

 

He laughed.  "I don't care.  But nice transition from the sweet to the sassy."  He slapped her bum.  "Get ready, because I can't wait to ring in the New Year with you, and then start the New Year with you, if you know what I mean."

 

"Harry!"  Amanda said laughing through her tears.  "Really?"

 

"Oh, come on."  Harry said.  "I recall a day back in Florida where I walked in...."

 

"Stop!!"  Amanda and Julie said at the same time looking at each other.  They knew exactly what moment he was referring to.

 

He laughed out loud.  "Hey, I'm just saying you all know how good it is. So..."  He cracked up when Julie pinched his lips together with her fingers.

 

"Shut up now."  She said to him.  "If I let go you better not speak."  She gave him a side glance.

 

He nodded and put his hands up in surrender.  When she let go of his lips, he smiled.  "Oh, some things never change."

 

A bit later that evening, the boys went to the lodge slightly earlier than the girls for the New Year's Eve party. They wanted to head off any over-eager fans waiting for pictures or for them to show up.  They were impressed that there weren't a whole lot of people at the party.  They were in the corner talking to the owners whom had decided to have two separate parties.  One for those who needed a little more privacy and one for the general public.  It was still busy enough to have a good time, but not overly crowded with people, so the likelihood of any social media backlash diminished.  Harry knew that would make Julie a bit more comfortable.  They saw the girls coming in the door and take off their jackets so they excused themselves politely and started walking towards the door.

 

Harry smiled as he saw Julie smiling and thanking the gentleman at the door taking her coat.  She looked stunning.  She was wearing the light blue dress he'd gotten her on their first beach date back in LA.  It seemed like so long ago.  He wondered if she had the zipper fixed.  She didn't have the dress on long that night, and he wasn't sure he wanted her in it long tonight either.  He checked her out from head to toe.  He stopped to do so before she saw him.  The slit in the dress was killer.  He loved it.  Every time she took a step it showed up to her thigh.  Her legs looked longer in the high heels she was wearing.  The fabric hugged her hips perfectly, and the top showed just enough cleavage to be sexy but not too revealing.  She looked breathtaking to him.  And the change in her was so noticeable.  She seemed to step with just a little more confidence than before and that was totally sexy.  When she finally noticed him, he started walking towards her again.  "You, my darling, look amazing.  I have loved this dress from the moment I saw you in it.  But I have a secret."  He leaned down to whisper in her ear.  "I don't want you in it very long tonight."  He chuckled when she pinched his stomach.  "I can't help it.  That slit is incredible."

 

Julie smiled and shook her head at him.  "Harry, you're too much."  She noticed a change in him as well.  He seemed looser.  It was nice to see him not quite so worried about her.  He always tried to make it lighter for her in the past, but she could always tell he was a little tense about how things were going to go.  She still sensed him wanting to do everything he could to shield her from things, but he also seemed to realize she had a bit more control over herself.  She liked seeing it.  "I'm glad to see you happy."  She reached up and touched his cheek.  "I'm sorry I've caused you so much grief in such a short period of time.  And I'm sure I'm not done causing you grief.  But I'm good now."

 

Harry put his hand on her waist, and leaned down and kissed her.  "I know, and believe me, I'm ok with you causing me a little more grief.  You've been doing it from before I even laid eyes on you.  You keep being so sweet to me though, I might have to look for another sassy girlfriend."  He laughed.  "Ouch."  He rubbed his chest as she smacked him pretty hard.

 

"Well," she looked around.  "If that's the case I can start looking for a more understanding and accepting boyfriend tonight.  There seems to be quite the selection at this party."

 

He grabbed her and glared at her in the eyes.  "Yeah, there she is.  I knew I didn't have to find anyone else."

 

She giggled.  "Oh, the jealousy is hot."

 

"Shut up."  He said laughing at her.  "We can skip the party and go right back to the bedroom, and I can show you how hot."

 

Julie cracked up laughing.  "Oh god, Casanova, why don't we at least ring in the New Year with our friends?"

 

"Fine.  But at 12:01, we are outta here."  He said kissing her nose.  "God, I love you."

 

"We will see, Harry."  She said shaking her head.  "I love you, too."

 

Niall walked up to Amanda as she finished taking off her jacket.  "Princess, you look incredible."  He looked at her closely in her light pink sparkly dress.  "You look like a Princess.  This is beautiful."  He kissed her.

 

"Thanks, babe."  Amanda said smiling up at him.  "It's nice, right?  I thought it was perfect."

 

"You ready for tonight?  Starting a New Year together?"  He kissed her again and looked at her.

 

"Yeah, a brand new year, a brand new outlook, and starting it with the perfect boyfriend on my arm."  She said.  "I would like to say I hope next year is better than this year, but, how can I?  I found you this year and JJ found Harry and started to heal.  Let's just say I hope this year shows us less struggles then the past few months have.  I'm ready to be happy, healthy and loved."

 

"Well I hope you're happy, I definitely hope you stay healthy, but I can tell you for sure that you're loved.  By me, and by others.  You, my beautiful Princess, are amazing.  We are lucky to have you."  He said kissing her head.

 

"Well let's go have some drinks and celebrate the New Year with our friends."  Amanda said taking Niall's hand pulling him over to JJ and Harry.

 

They talked and drank champagne and had a great time.  No trouble, no drama, nothing in the way.  Amanda noticed JJ didn't drink much.  She had a few drinks, but she was more content just being with Harry.  She smiled a lot and held onto him a lot.  She knew she shouldn't concentrate so much on JJ, but she just acted so different.  Before JJ would have seem more closed off in the way she stood.  Arms always crossed, always leaning a bit away.  Always seemed like she was slightly uncomfortable.  Tonight, she leaned into Harry even when they were just talking.  She smiled a lot more.  She seemed like a loving girlfriend instead of someone who was always worried about what someone else would see or say.  Amanda kissed Niall.  She didn't even have to say anything, and Niall seemed to understand.  Oh, let's hope it did stay like this.  She liked everyone happy.

 

"Oh, geez, so it's almost midnight.  I'm not sure who my first kiss should be.  Amanda, Niall, or you."  Julie said to Harry.

 

"Funny, baby.  You sure are hilarious tonight."  Harry said to her tickling her sides.

 

"I'm not joking.  Maybe we can all kiss together."  She said wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

"Julie, that's enough now."  He said into her eyes.

 

"Yes, sir."  She said giggling.  "You're definitely the only one I'm going to be kissing at midnight, but then I get to kiss my two best friends."

 

"Alright, but only quickly, and only on New Year's."  He said to her.  "Maybe we should practice for that midnight kiss."

 

"No, I kinda like the anticipation."  She said biting her bottom lip.  "You only have a few more minutes to wait."  They started swaying to the music that was playing.  It was their first real dance together.  "Well, isn't this something? It took four months, but we've finally had our first proper dance."

 

"Yeah, it's nice."  He said watching her.  God, they had gone through so much.  Four months.  Seemed like a lot longer.  They had fought through a lifetime of problems in those four months.  She meant more to him than he thought possible in such a short period of time.  He had seen her grow so much from the moment they met.  He remembered the first time he saw her.  She'd intrigued him.  She hadn't stopped since.  There was so much more to her, he could tell right away.  He didn't know there was such a storm inside.  He didn't know she was fighting so hard to suppress so many bad memories.  She had such a pull for him though.  He had wanted to dive in from the moment he'd seen her, and he wanted nothing more than to continue to protect her.  Prove to her that there is still time to be the woman she was meant to be.  He was happy he'd come into her life.  And even though the past month had been extremely hard, and he'd questioned whether or not he could come back, he was convinced he'd made the right choice.  She was the one he wanted and needed right now.  "This is going to be our year baby, you wait and see."

 

"We have made it through a lot, Harry.  And we only have because you never gave up.  Even when you probably should have.  I can't thank you enough.  If you hadn't come into my life, I would still be hiding everything.  No one else would have been as patient with me as you have been."  She reached up to kiss him, but then the countdown started.  She smiled.  "Ten more seconds."  She laughed.

 

All four of them counted down to midnight with the rest of the party, and then the confetti was thrown and noise makers went off.

 

"Happy New Year, baby."  Harry said pulling Julie tight against him.  He kissed her.  Deeply.  He pulled back after a minute and looked at her.  "Hurry up and say Happy New Year's to Amanda and Niall.  I wasn't kidding.  It's time to get you out of that dress."  He didn't know what it was, but he wanted her back in that bed.  No waiting.

 

"Happy New Year, Harry."  Julie said kissing him back wrapping her arms tighter around his neck.  When he told her to hurry up, she laughed.  "Ok, but only because I want to be alone with you, too.  I don't care what we do.  As long as I'm with you."  She said shaking her head at him.

 

"Happy New Year, Princess."  Niall said to Amanda.  He pulled her to him and kissed her.  He wrapped his arms tight around her waist and pulled her tighter to him.

 

"Happy New Year, my prince."  She kissed him.  She couldn't believe this was her life.  She had pretty much given up on looking for someone for a while.  She knew she was still young, but it was such a hassle to try to find someone worth her time.  It's true, once you stop looking and once you concentrated on yourself, someone just falls into your lap.  Or in this case, walks into the hospital.  And Niall, of all people.  She was in love.  And she had the greatest man she could have found.  She smiled at him.  "I'm so lucky to have you."

 

"Ok, break it up.  It's my turn."  Julie said walking up to Niall and Amanda.  She hugged Amanda tight and then gave her a quick kiss.  "Happy New Year, my Panda.  I love you."  She hugged her again.

 

"Happy New Year JJ."  Amanda said giving her a peck back.  "I love you too."

 

"Happy New Year, Niall."  Julie said as she turned towards him.  "I hate you."  She kissed him quickly on the lips.

 

"I hate you too, JJ."  Niall said kissing her and giving her another hug.  "Happy New Year, my friend."

 

Harry hugged and kissed Amanda and then hugged Niall and said his Happy New Year's to them also.  "Ok, we are going back to the cabin now.  No more partying for us."  He said taking Julie's hand.

 

"Oh, is that so?"  Amanda asked him.

 

"Yeah, we're tired."  He said yawning purposely.

 

"Oh, you liar."  Amanda said laughing, giving Niall a wink.  "I think we will stay for another dance or two, but then I think we may be tired, too."

 

Julie just shook her head.  "Oh, you two.  Can we just pretend we don't know what each other is going to do, please?  Good god."  She waved at Niall and Amanda and walked with Harry to get her coat.  She was so happy right now.  What a brilliant vacation and a brilliant night.  She had been so worried that Harry wasn't going to forgive her.  The week before, after their conversation when she returned from rehab, until this trip, had been so hard.  She wanted to call him so badly, but she had known that she had to give him time.  She had wanted to beg him to forgive her, but she knew she'd needed to let him figure it out.  She'd known it was extremely hard on him, and she couldn't imagine not knowing for three weeks if he was ok or not.  She never knew she could miss a man so much.  But god, she'd missed him.  His leaving and going across the world to start the new tour was going to be extremely hard on her.  She never counted on someone as much as she had counted on him.  She was determined though.  They could make it work.  And for right now, she had him here with her.  She was going to make the most of all the time they had together.  It was a quiet walk back to the cabin.  It was beautiful, and they held hands, and everything felt perfect in that moment.


	46. Chapter 46

Harry started a fire in the bedroom and turned around to see Julie sitting on the edge of the bed taking her shoes off.He seemed to be in the habit of just watching her lately.He always wanted to see if there was any change he could notice.It felt rather silly, since he seemed to do it so often this trip; how could she change in seconds?She seemed softer.Ok, so that sounded bad in his head, but the edge wasn't so sharp.The longer they were here, the more he realized just how on edge she had been previously.She felt more open.More approachable.The almost constant wrinkle between her eyebrows was gone.She was definitely different.He smiled when she picked up her head and smiled at him.When she stood up, he took two long strides and grabbed her into his arms."Hey beautiful. Have I told you that this is going to be our year?"

 

Julie smiled at him."You may have mentioned it before."She stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck.She kissed his lips and then went to let go.

 

"Whoa, oh no, where do you think you're going?"He said holding her in place.

 

"Um, to change?"She gave him a look.

 

"Um, no.There's no need for that right now."He ran his hands down over her shoulders."I told you what was going to happen.You should not be surprised right now.Did you get the zipper fixed, or am I going to have to work for it again tonight?"He asked huskily.

 

"Harry."She shivered at his hands on her bare shoulders."I...I didn't get it fixed but it seems to work ok."She laughed."God damn, the things you can do to me with just a touch."

 

He leaned down and kissed her shoulder lightly.Running his hands lightly and teasingly down her arms. "Yeah, cuz I swear you don't even have to touch me and you do it to me."He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck and then gently ran his tongue down her neck."I wasn't lying earlier, baby; this dress isn't lasting on your body much longer."

 

"Oh, my god, Harry."She kind of giggled.He never really talked to her this much.Well, probably because she was always telling him to shut up.It embarrassed her."Why are you talking so much?"

 

"I want you to know."He kissed the front of her neck making her head go back exposing her neck to him."That I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, that I want you more than anything, every minute."He put one hand on one side of her neck and kissed and nuzzled the other side.

 

"Oh geez," she mumbled."You're driving me crazy."

 

"That's the whole point."He ran his hand behind her and grabbed the zipper.He smiled against her neck when it came down with ease."Ah, lucky for me."He slowly slid the zipper down and stepped back a small step.He slid the straps down her shoulders and her arms.He watched as it dropped away from her.He was enjoying seeing her skin steadily become more exposed.Every inch of it.She may have been self-conscious, and he knew why, but he loved every curve, every soft inch of skin."God, how did I get so lucky?"

 

"You're way too nice to me."She shivered."Except when you're teasing me.Good god, stop it."She said with her eyes closed biting her bottom lip.She had goosebumps from his touch.

 

He smiled as she shivered and watched her face as she closed her eyes and bit her lip.God, he was having a hard time keeping this up.He just wanted to rip the damn dress off.When the dress finally hit the ground, he grabbed her hands quickly as he knew her first instinct would be to cover up."No, no, no," he said."You're beautiful.Don't you cover up.There is nothing wrong with any part of you."He leaned down and kissed her scar on her shoulder."And everything you think is ugly just shows your journey and how strong you were."He lifted her chin."Open your eyes, baby."He said softly.

 

Julie took a deep breath.This was so intense for her.She was ok with the sex.She was ok with how things had gone before, but he was being so intimate right now.So deep, and that was the part she had a hard time with.She slowly opened her eyes and looked up into his eyes.They were dancing with feeling.They were dark, and she could see the want in them.They pierced into her soul."Harry.You're scaring me."She said quietly glancing away from his eyes.

 

"No, baby.Look back at me, please."He waited until her eyes met his again."It's time you realized how much you mean to me.I know it's hard for you but don't hide.Don't cover yourself."He ran his thumb over her lips and smiled when she kissed it.He then ran his hand down her neck and over her chest.

 

"Harry, this, it's too uncomfortable."She could feel his eyes on her body, and she was extremely nervous.There was usually so much more action, so she didn't feel so exposed.She now felt extremely revealed, extremely vulnerable.She had opened up herself emotionally so much these past few days, and now physically, he was basically studying her body. It was so much.She took a chance.She reached up and pulled his face to hers and kissed him aggressively.She ran her tongue over his lips to try to get him to grant her access.She groaned when he didn't and pulled back from her.

 

"No, baby.I'm not letting you distract me with that.I know how you work.This is a brand-new start, to a brand-new year, and a brand new us.I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.I really do.I don't see all the faults you find.I see a beautiful woman, with a beautiful heart who has been hurt and let down so much she would rather hide her true beauty and her true self.One who hides behind her sass, so she doesn't have to accept how deep feelings can run."He knew he was pushing her, but he also knew she needed to hear it.She needed to accept it.

 

"Harry, please.Don't make me cry right now."She didn't break eye contact with him though.She took a step closer to him and buried herself into his chest.

 

He chuckled."Alright baby, but I'm going to keep telling you until you believe me."He rubbed his hands down her back.

 

"That's an awful big commitment."She said taking a deep breath and taking in his scent."I'm not sure if you noticed, but I'm kind of stubborn.Strong-willed."

 

"Oh, I've noticed."He said.The feel of her skin was turning him on more and more.He could hardly control himself anymore.

 

Julie's eyes widened when she could feel what was happening to him.She had barely touched him, and she could feel the strain on his zipper against her stomach.She took a step back and reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt slowly.Her hands were shaking.It was like it was new, even though it wasn't.Everything he said to her was running through her mind.It was so much.She ran her hands up his stomach, over his chest pushing his shirt down over his shoulders and down his arms.

 

He watched her closely.He saw her hands shake, but he let her go.Her touch on his stomach caused him to gasp.He watched her hands slowly go to his belt and then to the button on his jeans.Jesus, she was going to cause him to go insane.As much as they had been together, this was intense.All the feeling that was let out on this trip seemed to have changed things drastically.Her small hands undoing his button and then zipper were something he couldn't take his eyes off of.They had always seemed in a rush before.Never enough time.Always something to do.Right now, it was all about them and their time together.No rush, no plans.Nothing but each other.He was having a hard time not just grabbing her right now.God, he wanted his hands on her.He let her continue though.When her fingers ran inside the elastic of his boxers he took in a sharp breath."You are killing me right now."He practically growled at her.

 

Julie looked at him as she slowly pushed his jeans and boxers down squatting down as she did.She let him step from them and then ran her hands up his legs as she slowly stood back up.Her hand ran over his stomach and then down again and she wrapped her fingers around him.She bit her lip when he gasped, and she watched him throw his head back.She wasn't quite sure how, but she wanted him to feel the same way he had made her feel before.

 

Harry brought his head forward, put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes."God damn.I like the confidence.Don't stop.Do what you feel."He struggled to get out.He watched her hand move on him.Her hand looked so small, but it did exactly what it needed to.She felt amazing.He moved one of his hands from her shoulder to her breast and over her erect nipple, circling his finger there.

 

Julie took a deep breath and thought about it.No don't think, feel, she told herself.She turned him around and laid him back on the bed climbing up between his legs.She ran her hands up his legs again and to his stomach.She glanced up at his face and smirked as her head got closer to his middle.

 

"Oh Christ," Harry said as she smirked at him.He could tell exactly what she was going to do. As she got closer, he actually held his breath and when her mouth found him he grabbed the sheets in each hand."Oh, fuck."He wasn't expecting this, but the feeling was amazing.The only other time she'd done this, he hadn't been able to take it for long.He was pretty sure he wouldn't be able too this time either.He was right.The high came quickly.There was no way he was going to be able to hold out."Shit, baby, stop."When she didn't, he took matters into his own hands.He wanted to be with her, in her.He grabbed her underneath her arms and flipped her over aggressively and wasted no time entering her.Thrusting hard and quick.

 

Julie was caught off guard when he flipped her over so roughly.She tensed up a bit at the aggressiveness.She closed her eyes and gasped when he shoved into her."Oh."She groaned.It was scary for a second.She reminded herself who she was with and that it was all ok and managed to relax quickly.

 

"Sorry."Harry said."I'm so sorry."He probably scared her.He had to remember the aggressiveness wasn't good for her.He slowed and tried to relax some.

 

"No, no."Julie said digging her nails into his back."Don't stop.I'm good."The feeling he gave her was always so incredible.He didn't need to be someone else.She was ok.She wasn't her past anymore.

 

When Harry felt her hands go down to his hips, her nails digging in pulling him closer to her, and her hips start to mimic his movement; he lost control.A few more thrusts and he was done.He groaned as he released his high, his head slumping forward as he kept moving through his release.

 

Julie felt him let go.God, she loved being able to make him feel like that.She never felt she had that much power, but when she made him feel good, it was so amazing.She didn't think she was ready, but a few more thrusts, and she reached her high too, and her body started to shake and release, and she came down with him.She took a few deep breaths to get back under control.

 

Harry collapsed down onto her."Jesus, baby," he said struggling to catch his breath."That was amazing."

 

Julie laughed."I'm not complaining.We are always great in this department."

 

"We are great everywhere; but yeah, this, I won't ever have any complaints about.You wore me out."He said pushing himself off of her and lying right by her side.He pulled her as close to him as he could."I love you, Julie, no matter what."He kissed her head as his breathing slowed and became steady.

 

Julie looked over at him.He had fallen asleep.She giggled.She still couldn't believe she could do that to him."I love you too, Harry."She kissed his chin and pulled the sheets up around them.She needed him.She needed his arms.She was going to be in them for as much as she could before he had to leave her again.She had never felt so lucky.

 

When they walked into their room, Amanda spun Niall around and pushed him up against the wall."Happy New Year, my Prince."She said as she aggressively pushed her lips to his.

 

Niall laughed when he felt himself being pushed against the wall."Well Happy New Year, Princess."He tried to wrap his arms around Amanda's waist, but she pushed his arms against the wall, and he laughed again."Well, aren't we being a bit aggressive tonight?"

 

"Oh yes," Amanda said."You are all mine."She giggled as she didn't let him move."I'm taking all the control."She moved her hands to his stomach and up his shirt pushing it up over his head."Don't fight me.You won't win."She giggled again.

 

"Now, why would I fight?"He said as she slid his shirt over his head."I am your slave, my love."He watched her closely.He loved her smile.The shine in her eyes.He loved to see her happy.And that giggle.It made his heart melt.

 

"Good boy."She kissed his chest and ran her hands down to his belt.

 

"My only complaint."Niall said watching her."Is why are you still in that dress?"

 

"Patience, my dear, patience."She smiled at him and undid his belt.She ran her hands over his waist.

 

"Amanda."He growled at her."Stop teasing."

 

"Oh, no.I remember a number of times when you teased me."She said slowly undoing his button."So, now you deal with the torture."

 

"Oh, so not nice."He said watching her closely.Pushing his hands back against the wall because he was so tempted to just push back and rip that dress off her.

 

"Oh, it's nice.You won't complain at the end."She said to him slowly lowering his zipper.

 

"I'm sure I won't; but I'm not sure I'm going to hold back much longer."He said watching her closely still.

 

"I'm not scared of you."She laughed as she ran her hand inside of his pants and stroked him gently.

 

"Oh, that's it."He said as he took his hands from the wall and removed her dress quickly."I'm not having this right now."He grabbed her waist in both his hands and pull her roughly too him."No teasing.Just satisfying." He said as he pressed his lips to hers and forcefully parted her lips to start a rough tongue fight.

 

Amanda giggled onto his lips.Oh, yes.She thought to herself.I can handle this.She adored impatient Niall when it came to the bedroom.She kissed him back deeply and then broke the kiss and stepped back."Oh, you think you're getting control?"She said backing up a few more steps.

 

"Yes."He said quickly stepping towards her and grabbing her again."I will have you right where I want you."He said as he removed her bra and panties.

 

"Holy shit, babe."She said laughing."I guess you're ready."She had felt him press up against her.She helped him quickly remove the rest of his clothing."You are an amazing sight."

 

"Not as amazing as you are beautiful.I love every inch of you.Starting from the inside right on to the outside, from your nose to your toes."He kissed her again and picked her up around the waist."I'm taking you to bed.Like now."He said as he put her on the bed and climbed over her.He ran his hands up her legs."Now, should I tease you?"

 

"No," she said laughing."You should not.I was trying to take control and you ruined it."

 

"I didn't ruin it.It will be great."He said as his mouth kissed up her thigh."I think I will start here."He said as he got closer to his target.He ran his tongue over her and grinned when she gasped.

 

"Oh, geez, it was supposed to be my show."She said arching her back and closing her eyes."Damn, Niall."

 

He continued to work her up with his mouth.He loved the way he could make her feel, the way her body twisted and turned under him.He could feel her approaching her high, and that's when he couldn't take it anymore.He moved up quickly and found her lips kissing her aggressively and deeply.He moved over her and entered her.He started slowly at first.She felt so amazing around him.

 

"Oh, no."Amanda said as he started moving slowly.He had her all worked up from his mouth, and she was not going to take the slow and easy route.Screw that.She pushed him over and climbed on top."You can't do that."She helped position him so he entered her again and started moving on him.She moved fast and hard.

 

Niall groaned.God, she felt amazing, and the view of her on top was incredible.It was hard to keep his eyes open; it felt so good, but he watched her movements and her beautiful body.No woman every made him feel like this.He felt so fortunate.He reached up and squeezed her breasts."God, Princess."He bit his lip.When she leaned forward he kissed her and bit her lip gently."I won't last...."He said.

 

"That's the point."She said closing her eyes a second."Neither will I."She moved faster and leaned backwards."Shit."She moved a few more times and reached her high.When Niall used his hand to rub her to increase her sensation, she swore."Fuck!"The feeling intensified.Holy shit.She didn't know sex with him could get better, but every time it did.Every time, they learned more and more about each other.

 

"Damn, Amanda!"Niall said loudly as she started to clench around him.He reached such a high, he wasn't sure he was going to come down when he started.It took a couple more movements from her, but he felt like he exploded inside of her."Oh my..."He said trying to relax."You feel more amazing every time."He kept his eyes closed and rubbed over her legs.

 

"I was just thinking the same thing."Amanda said as she took a few more deep breaths and then lay down on top of him, smiling as he rubbed her back."God, I love you."

 

He laughed."I love you, too, Princess.And not just because you make me feel like that either.But it is

a definite plus."He laughed again as she bit his shoulder.When she rolled over to his side, he sat up and grabbed the blanket.He pulled her to him and then covered them up."I'm now exhausted.You wear me out."

 

"I did most of the work."Amanda laughed as she snuggled up to him."I should be worn out."

 

Niall laughed."Yeah, well too bad, because I'm worn out.So will you be quiet, so we can go to sleep?"

 

"God, how romantic Niall."Amanda laughed at him but closed her eyes.

 

"Yeah, yeah, romantic later.Sleep now."He kissed her head and whispered, "I love you, Princess," one more time to her before he fell asleep with a smile.


	47. Chapter 47

The next morning, Harry woke up and reached for Julie.He didn't feel her.He sat up and rubbed his face. He smelled coffee and looked over at the patio door.She was standing there again, leaning against the frame, coffee cup in her hand.Once again, he found himself just watching her.She seemed a little stiff.More so then he had seen her on this trip.Maybe not quite as much as before, but it was noticeable.He took a deep breath.Today was the last full day they had together.They all flew back home tomorrow morning.He and Niall to London; Julie and Amanda to LA.They would be busy pretty much until the tour started, and the start of the tour couldn't get further away from LA.They were literally a day ahead most of the time.He loved touring, he loved performing, but this time he was dreading leaving.It was hard on any relationship, but he didn't want to be so far away when she was working through her biggest issues.It was a feeling he wasn't used to.He quietly crawled out of bed, slipped a robe on and walked behind her.She never even moved.She must have been deep in thought.He slipped his arms gently around her waist.She jumped a little, but then he heard her sniffle and try to wipe her eyes indiscreetly."Are you crying, baby?"He tried to turn her to him, but she resisted.

 

"I'm ok."She said trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.She shook her head.She knew she was hiding from him again, but she was having a hard time dealing with all of the feeling."I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm not sure how to sort through everything going on in my head, in my heart."

 

"I can't say I understand how you feel, but I understand you're struggling.I just want to help."He leaned his chin on her shoulder."Just let me help.Tell me how you feel."He whispered to her.

 

"I can't.I mean," she pulled away from him a minute and put the mug down."I just, it's all so much."She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.She felt him relax a little when she did.This was hard for her, but she was trying."Letting myself feel is hard.I spent so long not feeling, pushing my feelings aside, going with the logical choice, for so long that I keep feeling I'm going to get overwhelmed if I just let the feelings take over.It scares me.The hardest thing I ever did was call you when I got back, tell you how I was feeling, take your anger.I wanted to hide.And when I did that, my heart hurt.It hurt worse than Paris.I felt like I couldn't breathe.I hated feeling like that.If I hid, then I wouldn't have had to feel that.But then, I wouldn't have you."

 

"Baby, I don't want you to hurt; unfortunately, it's a part of working through all of this.We talked about how this isn't all going to seem rational."He rubbed gently over her back and kissed her head."It doesn't have to be rational.It doesn't have to be what everyone expects.You can have whatever feelings you have.I will be here for you, Julie.I promise.You can be honest with me.I want you to be honest with me.Don't think you need to say what I want to hear, say what you feel."

 

"I can't say it."Julie said starting to cry."I can't be that unreasonable."

 

"Julie."Harry said closing his eyes.God, he hated when she cried.He felt it in his heart every time she did."Baby, what's got you so upset?"

 

"I don't want you to go."She said to him.She was being a baby.She was being unreasonable.She was being clingy.She hated every part of it."Like, I seriously want to act like a baby and beg you not to."

 

He kind of chuckled."Wow, baby.We have all of today yet.And we will figure out a time to see each other before the tour starts.We've got each other no matter where we are."

 

"I know."She said pulling away and walking away from him."But you don't understand.I don't want you to go.I don't want you to go on tour for months across the globe.I don't want to plan on when I get to see you next. I just want to know."

 

Harry watched her pace the room.She was pacing as fast as she was speaking."Baby, it's normal to be upset...."He said to her, but got interrupted.

 

"No, Harry.It's not normal.I'm always ok with it.I always need my alone time.I'm good with my alone time.Or at least I always was before. I knew what you did, and that you had to go, and that you went on tour, and would be away a lot.Now, it just makes me angry.And it shouldn't make me angry."She said speaking faster and pacing faster.

 

He smiled and caught her mid pace."Julie, you love me, just accept it."

 

"Of course, I do, what does that..." she looked up at him and saw his grin.He was making fun of her."Damn it, Harry."She laughed.She pushed at his stomach.

 

"Don't think I don't have the same thoughts.I don't want to leave you either.I know you accept it, just like I do, but doesn't mean you have to like it."He wrapped her tightly in his arms."I don't like it either."He squeezed her tightly.

 

"I don't want to seem clingy, Harry."She said sniffling into his chest.God, why was she crying over this? "I don't want to make you feel guilty for leaving.I just don't know how to stop it."

 

He laughed again."Ok, it is taking some time to get used to this completely honest part of you, but it doesn't make you clingy.And, well, it just wouldn't be a relationship if you didn't miss me.I mean I would hope you would miss me.Even though you never admitted it before, I hoped you missed me."

 

"Harry," she pulled back and looked at him."It's not funny."

 

"Baby."He said looking down at her.It was the first time she'd let him see her cry like that.The tears were running over her cheeks."It's ok.Ok, you're right. You're making me feel guilty.God, I don't want to see you this upset."

 

"I've always missed you, from the first time you left LA.It just hurt a lot less when I pretended I didn't care. And it hurts a lot right now.I screwed up and lost you for a month.And now I get you back, and five days later, you're leaving and who even knows when I will see you next.And I get it, I really get it, and I don't want you to change, but I don't know how to deal with the pain in my heart either."She wrapped her arms tight around his waist again.

 

"Julie, we will work it out.I know it's not the same, but every free minute, I have we can talk.Multiple times a day.I have to leave physically, but remember you will be with me, in my heart, everywhere I go."He rested his head on hers and fought his own tears.He always wanted a reaction from her when they parted, but he wasn't actually expecting one.Not quite this intense, and there was still a full day to go.

 

"What happens when I go back to work?And the time differences?The day differences?What happens when we just don't have the time, or things just slowly become too hard?"She was officially worried.They were touring when they got together, but it was in the States, and it was easy to spend some time together.This tour wasn't coming to the States until later in the summer.That was six months of time in other countries.There was a break in spring, but she wasn't even sure where that would be spent for him.

 

He stepped back and put his hands on her shoulders.He looked in her eyes."It will never be too hard.Don't you do that now.Don't you doubt us."

 

"Isn't that my job?And it's your job to tell me I'm impossible and stubborn."Julie said sniffling and trying to stop.

 

"Well, it used to be.But you're pretty emotional now; I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings."Harry said to her chuckling."Hey, Ow!"He said rubbing his stomach where she pinched him.

 

"I don't like violence, but one does not simply mess with me like that."She said to him as she glared at him and then went to walk out the bedroom.

 

He couldn't help but laugh at her."I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away."He called out after her.He laughed even harder when she stuck her middle finger up at him as she walked out the door.He just shook his head and grabbed his stuff for a shower.What a vacation they were having.So much different than the times they spent together before.Yes, they had dealt with some issues, but not like their previous times together.When she came to surprise him in Miami, he had found out about her past. When she came to Vegas, her past came and found her. Paris had his lapse in judgement, and Thanksgiving ended with her leaving, but this time was different.This time even before he was leaving, she'd told him she would miss him, that she didn't want him to go.If he was honest, he didn't think that would come.He thought her strong will and her independence would never let her admit her feelings.Although he didn't want to see her struggle with it, part of him was glad she'd told him.Part of him was relieved she actually wanted him to stay.It was a nice boost to his ego.

 

Julie walked out into the kitchen, straight past Amanda and Niall who were sitting at the counter drinking coffee or tea.She went right to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.She closed the fridge and just stood there looking at the water.

 

"Um, JJ?"Amanda said."Hello?"

 

Julie looked up at Amanda."Oh, hey."

 

"Oh, hey?"Amanda said to her."Really?What's going on?Do you want to talk about it?"

 

"No."Julie said as she walked back towards the living room of the cabin towards the door.

 

"No?"Amanda looked at Niall and then got up and walked towards Julie.

 

"Was that not specific enough for you?"Julie asked turning and looking at Amanda.

 

"It was plenty specific.I guess I should have been more specific.Spill."Amanda said to her.

 

"I don't want to."Julie said grabbing her coat."I need a walk.I need some fresh air."

 

"So, let me go with you."Amanda said.She looked back towards the bedroom to see if Harry was coming out yet.He wasn't.

 

"Yeah, come on JJ," Niall said."Don't want you out on a scary mountain yourself."

 

"I will be fine. I'm not going near any ski slopes, and I'm pretty sure there's nothing else out there that's going to get me."Julie said zipping her coat and putting her boots on.

 

"JJ, please.Wait for Harry to come out here."Amanda pleaded with her.

 

"Just tell him I went for a walk.I will be back in a little bit.It's not like I can walk home from here, and the keys to the car are still on the counter."Julie said waving her hand towards the counter."I just need some time, please."She shook her head and walked out the door.

 

Amanda walked back to the counter.She waited for Harry to come out of the room.She was afraid of what was happening.

 

Niall walked up behind Amanda."Princess, she just wanted to go for a walk."

 

"Niall, that's the first time since we've been here she completely shut me out.She said straight up no when I asked her to talk."Amanda said.

 

"Think about that harder.In four days, this is the first time she didn't share her feelings.Amanda, that's huge.She's not going to perfect it overnight.She still may need some time to herself.She's gone through a lot." Niall said lifting Amanda's chin and kissing her."Give her a break, babe."

 

"Yeah, maybe, but I don't like it."Amanda said.

 

"You don't like what?"Harry said walking out of the room and over to them.

 

"Julie leaving."She watched Harry's eyes widen."I mean, she said she was going for a walk.But I asked her to talk to me, and she said no.Straight no.Nothing else. Niall says I need to give her a break, but she hasn't been like this the whole time."She said sitting back down.

 

"I think Niall's right.She's been extremely open and honest.It goes against everything she's been doing for years.She's talked about everything she's done since Thanksgiving, she's talked about her past, she even admitted just this morning that she didn't want me to leave.Give her some time."Harry said walking to the fridge.

 

Amanda looked at him."You're not worried she's going to run again?Not even a little worried?"

 

"Of course, a little.But honestly, I think she just needs some time.She admitted feeling angry that I was leaving and touring, but she also admitted she thought it was unreasonable.I'm sure she's trying to grasp it all.I believe in our love for each other.We've dealt with a lot the past few days."

 

"I know you have, and we have, and she has.But I don't like her going off alone when something's bugging her."Amanda said sighing.

 

"I will go look for her in a bit if she doesn't come back, but I'm not worried about it Amanda, and you shouldn't be either.We can't expect her never to want to try and figure things out on her own."Harry told her.

 

"God, I'm starting to hate the two of you.Harry, you sound just like Niall."Amanda said pouting.

 

Niall laughed."Oh Princess, just because we make sense."

 

"Niall, you better not."Amanda said looking at him.

 

Niall laughed harder."Yes ma'am."He stood up."Come on, we only have one more day here.Let's not ruin it.I will take you to the gift shops.That should keep you occupied, and by the time we come back, I'm sure JJ will be settled back here with Harry."He nodded at Harry, and then after they bundled up, he took Amanda down to the main area for some distraction.

 

After about an hour, Harry decided he needed to go see if he could find Julie.He was slightly concerned, but he still didn't think after this morning that she would just run.He walked out and saw foot prints.He could tell which were Niall and Amanda's and then saw another set going off in the opposite direction.Thank goodness for fresh snow.He followed them for quite some time.She'd gone pretty far.Then, he spotted her.Up on a hill top standing looking down at the cottages below.He smiled as he walked up to her.She heard him and turned around towards him."Hi."He said.He leaned down and kissed her and then held her in his arms."You've been gone an awful long time."

 

"Sorry."She said holding onto his arms."It's so beautiful out here, and the further you get away, the more peaceful it is.You can't even hear anything, but the light breeze up here.It was, just, calming."

 

"It's ok, just got a bit worried.Didn't want you to be cold, or lost."He said moving behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist."It is definitely a beautiful sight."

 

Julie looked back at him to see if she could tell where he was looking.His eyes were on her."Harry," she turned her head and blushed."Enough of that."

 

"Never, you are a beautiful sight.But this place is beautiful too."He bent down and rested his chin on her shoulder."Are you ok?"

 

She sighed."Yeah, I'm fine.Just struggling with this whole thing.I don't really want to talk about it."

 

"I will give you a pass for now.But we have to talk about it, Julie.At some point before we leave here.We have to work it out."He said closing his eyes.

 

"I know.Just, let me enjoy this right now with my boyfriend.I just want to imprint this into my memory.This trip has been amazing.You have been amazing.And this place is amazing."She leaned back against him and closed her eyes."I could stay right here forever."

 

"As could I, my love, as could I."He closed his eyes and held her close.He knew she wasn't going to run.He knew they were closer than ever.He was content in this relationship for the first time.He felt like he had her heart in it fully for the first time.It was a pretty intense feeling.


	48. Chapter 48

Harry took Julie to meet up with Amanda and Niall so they could all spend some time together before leaving Tahoe. They walked around some shops had a light lunch at the diner, and then went back to the shops they hadn't yet gone in. He wanted to observe Julie's behavior too.It seemed a little weird to do so, but he wanted to see her interaction with Amanda and Niall too.She wasn't herself.She smiled, but it seemed forced.She wasn't sassy.Niall tried to mess with her, as always, but she just didn't engage how she normally did.She seemed a bit sad.He knew that they needed to talk.He got that she didn't want him to leave, but there had to be more to this than him just physically leaving.He could guess all he wanted too though; he needed her to tell him.He smiled back at her when she smiled at him.He walked over to her; she seemed to be admiring some tea cups on a table.She seemed to like them quite a bit.He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind."You like those?"He asked.

 

"They're beautiful.They remind me of here.Rustic, yet beautiful, like the snow."She set the cup down.She took his hand and started to move on.

 

Harry pulled her hand and stopped her."You should get the set."

 

"No, I'm not working remember, and they're pretty costly.And no, I don't want you to buy them for me."She stopped him before he could even say it.

 

He laughed."Why not?They aren't that much."He said still holding her in place.

 

"They are to me, Harry."She kept his hand, but she pulled him along.

 

Well, her stubbornness remained.Guess that was a good thing.He was going to get her the damn tea set anyway.But he would do it discreetly.He went with her walking around some more.She hadn't let go of his hand yet.It was a bit odd.Especially since they were out in public.He thought he understood though.He was guessing it stemmed from what they spoke about earlier, the fact that she didn't want him to leave.

 

Julie didn't let go of Harry's hand.She knew he wanted to buy her the tea set, but she didn't want him too; so, she wouldn't let him off by himself.She knew he probably thought it odd when she didn't let go of his hand, but that's just the way it was going to be.After a while, she began to get bored.She wasn't a shopper anyway, and with no money to spend, it was even worse.She knew that anything she wanted Harry would buy, but she wasn't letting go of her independence just yet."Ok, I'm ready to go."She looked up at him."Let's go back to the cabin, please."

 

"Ok, sure.Just give me a minute to tell Niall and Amanda."Harry said.

 

"We can do it together."Julie said looking into his eyes."Harry, I don't want you to buy me the tea set.No sneakiness."

 

He chuckled."Well, guess you can't say you don't know me.I don't know why you won't let me, but ok.Let's go back to the cabin."He would figure it out.If not this one, than another.She better get used to being spoiled, because he was going to do it.He wanted to.She had missed out on so much the past five years with everything she'd gone through.He was going to make sure that she didn't continue to miss out on things.Especially ones that were so easy for him to provide.She deserved to be surprised.She deserved to have things given to her unexpectedly.She may get a bit upset at first, but it wasn't going to stop him.He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and waved Niall and Amanda over.

 

Julie could sense what was going on in Harry's mind and decided to forestall it. "I do know you, and I do love your generosity, but Harry you've done so much for me.Things that actually matter, you secured me an amazing new home, you've taken me on amazing trips, to places I would have never gone probably ever, if it wasn't for you, but mostly you treat me with kindness and respect.I never knew that before.It's pretty nice."She shrugged and looked at Amanda."Hey, we're going back to the cabin.I think I'm going to have him grab some grub and then just chill in the room the rest of the night."She took a deep breath.She did not want to leave tomorrow and have Harry go in the opposite direction.She wasn't used to these feelings, but all she wanted to do was spend time with him.Just his presence made her feel calmer.She had to admit part of her just wanted to run now.Get it over with and not have to think about it for another night.Part of her wanted to push away the strong feelings she was having about holding on tight to him and not letting him go.She had never experienced these feelings before.Then again, she'd never had anyone treat her so well.Oh, she should just face it.Johnny was it.There was no other relationship that she could even look back on to try and compare.And Johnny treated her as if she was barely human.He treated her as a possession that he could control.And she'd let him; she felt like such an idiot.She felt like she should have known better, like she should have known that's not how it was supposed to be.Why did she let it control her so much? Why did she let herself think that's what she deserved?She shook her head.Get out of the past.Stop thinking about it.She shook her head again when she realized Harry was talking to her.

 

"Hey," Harry said looking down at her."You were sort of faraway there for a minute."

 

"Yeah, I'm sorry.Having a hard time today not going back where I shouldn't."She said as she looked at the ground.

 

Harry put his fingers under her chin and lifted her face to him."Don't do that."He kissed her lips."You deal with it anyway you need to."He took her hand.

 

"Hey, we're going to walk back with you, grab some food too.Spending some alone time tonight in our amazing rooms sounds good to me."Amanda said linking her arm with JJ's.She wanted to be there just in case.Seemed JJ was having a hard time, and even though she didn't know why exactly, she wanted to be there in case.

 

"Oh, ok."Julie said as she leaned her head on Amanda's shoulder."I know you're going to miss Niall too."

 

"I am."Amanda said starting to walk with her.She seemed so sad."Niall, Harry.You wanna get the food?"

 

"No, Panda, I wanna go with Harry."Julie said picking her head up.

 

Amanda looked at her."Oh, ok.I thought we could talk for a bit."

 

"I know, and we will, tomorrow.On the drive to the airport, the flight, at home.Just, sorry."Julie said.

 

"No, it's ok."Amanda said squeezing her hand."Will see you in the morning then."She walked over to Niall.

 

Niall looked down at Amanda."What's the matter?"He asked when he saw the look on her face.

 

"I just, I don't know."She wrinkled her brow."I just thought she'd walk with me, talk to me for a bit."

 

"You're jealous she wants to spend time with Harry?"Niall couldn't help but chuckle at Amanda.

 

"No!"Amanda said.She looked at Niall."Don't laugh.Ok, fine maybe a little.She seems different."

 

"I thought that's what you wanted, Princess.Wasn't the goal to make her get out of her routine?The way she hid."Niall kissed her cheek.

 

"Yes, I guess.But not like this."She looked up at him and saw him smirk at her."Ok fine, sorry.I'm jealous.I want her to need me too."She pouted.

 

"She needs you Princess; it's just Harry leaves tomorrow.Didn't you want her to show him how much she wanted and needed him?"Niall asked her.

 

"Yes!"Amanda said."Yes, Niall, you're leaving too.Ugh, ok I get it.Just not used to it from her."She took his hand."Let's just get some food and go back to the cabin."Part of her wanted to be there if Julie needed her.Part of her also wanted to spend as much alone time with Niall as she could before he left in the morning.Damn.It really did suck.

 

Later that evening, Harry walked back into the bedroom after cleaning up their dinner.He saw Julie sitting criss cross in the middle of the bed, elbows on knees, head in her hands.He was having a hard time with seeing her sad.He always wanted her to feel and show her feelings, but it was such a drastic change.He climbed on the bed and moved up to her on his hands and knees pushing her gently backwards as he laid over her."I don't like seeing you so sad."

 

Julie opened her eyes when she felt him climb on the bed and looked him in the eyes as he slowly laid her back.She reached up and put her hand on his cheek."I know, babe.I'm just trying not to hide the way I'm feeling.Like you've asked.And I just don't want you to leave."

 

"I don't want to leave either.We've talked as a band about taking a break.Now would be the best time to do it."He looked down at her."But we've already promised this next tour."

 

"You can't disappoint your fans.Oh, Harry.I'm not asking you to do anything like that.I know who you are.I know this is your life.And I've agreed to make it part of mine.But I just don't want you to go.Selfishly.You make me feel so safe and like I'm actually sane. Well as sane as I can be."She reached up and kissed him."I love you."She looked up into his eyes and whispered."I want to show you how much."She ran her thumb over his lips.She wasn't good at this sexy thing.She wasn't good at taking control like this, but she wanted to make sure he knew how much she wanted him.

 

He looked deeply into her eyes."I know how much you do.I've felt it since we've been here.How you've let me in.How you've let me see you."

 

"Not that, Harry."She sat up pushing him up and over.She climbed over him and straddled his waist."I want to show you how much I want you, too."She ran her hands under his shirt and up his stomach to his chest."Will you let me?"

 

"Fuck, yes."He said looking up at her.Where did this new-found confidence come from?Last night she would barely let him look at her and now she was taking control.Oh, he wasn't complaining, he would go with whatever she brought.Hell, he was looking forward to it.He put his hands on her hips.

 

Julie giggled."Fuck yes, huh?Well that's good."She helped work his shirt up over his head, moved her hair and leaned down and kissed his jawline and his neck."Ready for anything?"

 

"Shit."He groaned."Anything you got, babe.But you tease too much, and I can't promise I won't lose control."He teased.

 

"Oh no.My show."She said kissing down his chest.She smiled when she felt his hands tighten around her hips.She moved her hips slowly over him.She could feel the pressure underneath her already.She took his hands and put them on the bed at his sides."Behave."She smiled at him.She took the bottom of her shirt in both hands and then took it off over her head.

 

"Hot damn."He licked his lips and looked from her stomach to her chest and then up into her eyes."What are you trying to do?"He went to run his hands over her chest.

 

She grabbed his hands and put them back down on the bed."No.I told you.My show."She sort of laughed at herself.She didn't know what she was doing, but she was sure trying.She reached behind her and unclasped her bra, slowly sliding it down her shoulders.She was having a hard time meeting his eyes, but she made herself look at him.He was staring at her.She looked down at his hands which were now clenched onto the sheets.God, she loved those hands.When he went to sit up towards her, eyes on her chest, she pushed him back down."Goodness, you need to learn patience, and how to listen."

 

"Damn it, woman."He said to her huskily.What was she trying to do to him?This was torture.There she sat.Topless.Straddling his waist and she wouldn't let him touch her, or kiss her, or do anything right now.It was somehow very hot, yet very frustrating.Damn it.He wanted her to have confidence, he wanted her to let him look at her, but this was difficult.

 

She felt his eyes on her again.Just like she had last night.She still felt uncomfortable, but she wanted to show him she was trying.That she trusted him even when it was uncomfortable."Damn it woman?Did you really just say that to me?"She shook her head."Oh sweetie.You should know better."She leaned down so their lips almost met, but not quite."Now it's just going to be worse."She pulled back before he could catch her lips.She pushed up and climbed off him.

 

He groaned when she was so close but wouldn't let him kiss her.He put his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.When he felt her climb off, he opened them and looked over towards her.He sat up on his elbows when he saw her taking off the rest of her clothes."Shit.Is this really happening?"

 

She was uncomfortable, but she took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes."Do you want me to pinch you?See if you're dreaming?"She tried to stand confident while his eyes wandered her body.It was hard to do."Are you going to behave now?"

 

"Not a chance."He said.Lord help him."I've seen this in my dreams many times.But hell if it isn't better now."

 

She walked back to the bed and climbed slowly back on.When he went to grab her again, she scolded him."What did I say?"She took his hands and put them back down onto the bed."Can you just listen for once?"

 

"Julie."He groaned and pouted."This is not playing fair."

 

"Who said I wanted to play fair?"She slid her hands down his stomach to the button on his pants."I'm trying to show you how much I love you, how much I want you."She slowly undid his button and zipper, freeing him.She heard him groan.

 

"Jesus fucking Christ."He said.He sure was swearing a lot, but he couldn't seem to help it.He groaned when she finally undid his pants.They had grown uncomfortably tight from her teasing earlier.It felt so good to be free.He watched her as she slowly slid them down him while he lifted his hips for her."I swear to you I can only take so much of this."

 

She bit her bottom lip and smiled."Oh, just lie still."She threw his pants, boxers and socks onto the floor.Her impressive, naked boyfriend was lying in front of her.It was her turn.As she climbed back up towards him, she let her eyes take in his whole body.Where her eyes went, her hands followed.From his toes, up his legs, over his hips and up his stomach and his chest.When his hands went to reach for her again, she held them down at his sides."You were right.It's kind of nice to look at every inch of the one you love.But just be patient a little while longer."She held his hands in place and could feel how tight he was gripping the sheets.

 

"Damn it.Julie.Come on."He groaned and put his head back onto the pillow again.He opened them once again when he felt her straddling his waist again.Was she seriously going to do this?The flickering light of the fireplace illuminating her body was incredible.Was she really going to let him see her exposed without trying to hide?His eyes widened as he watched her run her own hands over her breasts and up her neck pulling her hair up on top of her head.When she did that it exposed her perfectly shaped breasts.He couldn't wait anymore.That was it.He shot forward sitting up towards her.He wasted no time.One hand found one breast, and his mouth found the nipple of the other.Fuck this waiting.

 

"Harry!"She screamed out when he moved so quickly.She then laughed.She was impressed with how patient he was.She was wondering how long it would take before he took over."You're not behaving."

 

"I told you I wouldn't."He mumbled against her breast.He put his arm behind her back and pushed her backwards a little giving him more access.He put his other hand in her hair."You damn tease, you."He said as his mouth worked its way up her neck, and he bit the side of it gently.

 

"I'm trying."She laughed again."You got impatient."

 

"Yes.Yes.Yes, I did."He found her lips and kissed her.He begged for access to her mouth with his tongue, but she denied him.

 

"I seem to recall that not working for me last night."She said as she pulled back slightly from his kiss.

 

"Yeah, well it's working tonight."He said as he pulled her back into the kiss.He was happy when this time she accepted his tongue.He brought her closer and pressed her chest against his.The skin on skin contact was hot.When he felt her hips start to move on him, he let out another groan and pulled back from her a little."Aren't we being extra naughty tonight?"She never initiated.She always accepted, but she was never the one to initiate.Only time she had before was when she was drunk.He enjoyed it.He hoped it happened more often.

 

"I'm not giving up.I told you this was my show."She said as she pushed him back down.She moved her hips down and helped him enter her.Moving her hips slowly at first.

 

He wasn't ready for her to take control again.When she moved down and immediately let him in he gasped.His hands on her hips again, fingers digging in tightly."Shit."He wasn't very good in the vocabulary department tonight.Damn her.He could barely open his eyes, but he needed to.He wanted to.He wanted to watch her beautiful body working him.As she started to move a bit more aggressively, he watched her put her head back and bite her lip.Her hand moved to her breast and squeezed.He was extremely turned by all of this.His fingers digging in harder to her hips as he helped her move.He was loving every second of this.Eyes on her body.Watching every movement.He was hoping for it to last.He took one hand and starting rubbing her while she was moving.It was a massive turn on to hear her moan in pleasure.He felt her start to clench around him and picked up the pace.He wanted her to feel that pleasure, experience that high more than once.When she started to pace herself more and shake some, he knew she was ready to experience her first orgasm of the night.But it wouldn't be her last.She had him worked up.He was ready to go all night.

 

She moaned and gasped when he started touching her, rubbing her.She shouldn't have been surprised.She knew that he knew what to do to make her feel good.She always seemed shocked though when he did.She wanted the control.She wanted to make him feel amazing, but what could she do?When he moved faster with his fingers and helped guide her hips faster, she couldn't help it.She put her hands on his stomach, and it happened.She shook from pleasure.She brought her head forward and looked at his face.His eyes were once again focused on her.He wanted her to feel it."Good God."She said quietly trying to catch her breath.Before she knew it, he had rolled her over and was lying over her.She looked up into his eyes.She felt his hand run over her breast and felt him ready to enter her again.She never took her eyes from his when he moved back inside her.

 

"Baby, I love you."He said as he leaned down and kissed her.His movements controlled and slow.He wanted this to last.He wanted this feeling to stay.He wanted to continue to realize the difference between sex and making love.The feeling that they shared made things more intense.The connection was so different.He kissed her again and then looked back into her eyes.He had never kept his eyes open through the release.He wanted to this time.He wanted her to as well.He wanted to see the pleasure.He hoped he'd get her there again.He moved faster and harder when he felt her clench her legs around his waist.When he felt her nails dig deep into his biceps, he knew she was close again.Just what he wanted.

 

"God, Harry."She looked away briefly, but always found her eyes going back to his.What a feeling.It was intense.It made her feel everything deeper.She dug her nails into his biceps when she felt her body ready to release again.He would never stop impressing her with how much pleasure he wanted her to feel.She didn't even hold back.Her back arched up towards him, and her head pushed back into the pillow as she closed her eyes.The feeling. She felt it deep within her.The pleasure, the love.God, it was so overwhelming, and she felt her eyes fill with tears.She tightened up around him as she wanted him to experience the same feeling.

 

He watched her face.When she pushed her head back into the pillow and closed her eyes.He just watched her face.He saw the pleasure overcome her.She was so beautiful.God, how had he gotten so lucky?He would never get enough of watching her when he pleased her.It was his new favorite thing.When he felt her tighten her legs and clench more around him, he moved faster.Christ, she felt so good.He really did not want to stop.Took him awhile longer, but eventually he couldn't hold out any more.He finally let go.He was on such a high.He kept moving through his release and then leaned down and kissed her jawline.When he saw tears run out of her closed eyes and over her cheeks, he kissed them away."It's ok, baby."

 

"I know," she opened her eyes but let the tears flow.She didn't try to stop them this time."The way you make me feel.The way you make sure I always feel....so good," she said."I'm just not sure I will ever get used to it."

 

He smiled at her."That's ok.We will just keep working on it."He kissed her lips again and lay beside her, on his side, facing her.He caressed his hand gently over her cheek.

 

She rolled her head and looked over at him and smiled."One day, you will listen, and I will get my very own show."

 

He chuckled."Yeah, I don't know if I will ever be patient enough for that.You drove me insane tonight."He laid his head on her shoulder."Hold me."He reached down and pulled the covers over them."Don't let me go."

 

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him."Of course, my love.Anything to make you feel safe."She rested her head against his.God, she loved him.She didn't want to let him go.


	49. Chapter 49

Julie woke up early the next morning.She could see the sun barely poking through the curtains.She looked over at Harry who was still sound asleep next to her.She moved a piece of hair from his face.Tears filled her eyes immediately.How was she going to do all this on her own?Well, she had Amanda, but she wouldn't have Harry.The week she spent in LA without him, when he wasn't speaking to her, had been so difficult.No one knew just how difficult.She had felt lost.She had felt the person who finally made her feel like she was worth a future was gone.She hadn't known how to deal with that.Now, she felt like she was starting to hold on to something else too tightly, but she didn't want him to go.She had to get a grip.She ran her fingers softly over his cheek.She didn't take her eyes off his face.She took her other hand and wiped the tear that spilled onto her cheek.She knew he had to go.She knew it all, but her heart was breaking.She didn't want him to go.She wanted him to cast that safety net she felt when she was with him.She wanted to stay in it.She didn't want to deal with all of it without him.She knew she was being unreasonable, and she was being that emotional girl she had tried so hard not to be.But he made her feel so much.She sighed and leaned down and kissed his cheek softly.She whispered, "I love you, more than I can ever show."She wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore.Not with the thought of him leaving at the forefront of her mind.She got up and packed her bags; she picked up Harry's hoodie, held it up and took in its scent.She took it with her and went to take a shower, hopefully he wouldn't mind.

 

Harry rolled onto his back when he heard the bathroom door close and the shower turn on.He had been awake the whole time.He had felt her move his hair and stroke his cheek.He'd heard her when she said she loved him more than she could show.He could feel her staring at him.This had been a great but emotional week.He wasn't sure how this goodbye was going to go.He didn't know which way he would rather it be.Would it be best if she pushed the feelings aside harder like she did yesterday afternoon, or would it be best if she showed the emotion like she showed in the morning yesterday?He wasn't sure.Part of him wished they would have decided on taking a longer break between the last tour and this new tour.But how could he have known it would go like this?She pushed him away so much at the beginning, and then she slowly started to let him in.She'd let him see parts of her that no one else had ever gotten to see.She pulled back quickly most of the time, but she let him see more than anyone else.When she ran after Thanksgiving, he had never felt so much pain in his heart.It was like she had taken part of it with her.Wow, it was crazy.He felt like he needed to protect her.Now, more than ever.Who would have thought she would completely break down at the thought of him just leaving for tour?And the tour wasn't even for another month.He would figure it out as soon as he got back to London.When he could see her again.He was afraid if they couldn't figure it out, she would start to go back behind her wall, that she would shield her heart again.He couldn't let that happen.He looked over at the bathroom door when he heard it open.He smiled as she came out in his hoodie.She looked adorable in the oversized grey hoodie."Nice hoodie."He said to her as he leaned up on his elbow.

 

"Thanks.Smells like safety."She said putting her things in her bag.She hoped he understood.She slowly walked over to the bed when he sat up on the edge of it.She walked between his legs and pulled her hands into the cuffs of the hoodie, and placed them on the sides of his neck. "Hi."

 

"Hi."He said wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his head in her chest."Good morning."He stayed that way a moment and then pulled back and looked at her."That hoodie looks better on you.You should keep it."

 

"Yeah?How about I just keep it safe for you, for when you come back?"She said looking into his eyes.

 

"I'm coming back for something much better than a hoodie, baby."He wiped the tear that slid onto her cheek."Still having a hard time?"

 

She bit her lips and tried to push back the tears.She couldn't answer right away.She tried to steady herself first."Yeah, every minute it gets closer to you walking out that door, and every minute it gets harder.I can't explain it.And honestly I feel ridiculous for feeling this way."

 

"I wish you would stop being so hard on yourself.As soon as I get back to London, I will figure out when I can come back.Or when we can bring you to me.Baby, I know it's not the same, but I'm only a phone call away.You can call me anytime you need me."He said looking at her face.

 

"I know."She said stepping back and turning around.She wiped her cheeks with the cuffs of the sweater."I already told you I feel ridiculous.I'm fine."She walked back to her bags and started putting the last of the things into them.

 

Harry sighed."Come on.Don't do that.Please."

 

"I'm fine.You should go shower.You don't have long before you have to leave."Julie said.She started to put some of his things into his bag for him.She needed to stay busy.She was going insane.There was no way that she should feel this strongly about him going back to London.She didn't like it.Not one bit.

 

"Julie, don't hide."Harry said watching her."And I can pack my bag, baby."

 

"I'm fine, really.And I can. I'm already done, might as well do something while you're in the shower."She said.She kept her back towards him.

 

Harry sighed again."Ok, I'm going to shower, but we're not done with this."He said as he walked into the bathroom with his things.Yep, it was hard; the struggle she was going through internally was obvious.She didn't know how to react.He could see it, feel it.He never thought the hardest part would be going back to do his job.What he loved.But he loved her too.He never had that before.Not with someone outside of his family.He'd never had that person he didn't want to leave at all.The one he wanted around at all times.He saw the other guys go through relationships on the road, but he'd never had one that lasted through it.He felt their struggle now.He shook his head.This was going to be difficult.He hoped that she didn't build that wall up again.He got into the shower and let the warm water engulf his body.He hoped this week was just the beginning of the good things to come.

 

After Julie packed Harry's bag, she took both hers and his to the front door.The guys had to leave a little before the girls.The girls had later flights.They had decided to say their goodbyes here instead of the airport to make things a little less stressful.She looked up when she heard Amanda say her name."Good morning."She blinked back a couple of tears and then turned and looked at her.

 

"Good morning.I see you're all packed."Amanda said.She honestly didn't know what to say.She wasn't looking forward to the goodbyes.She didn't know how JJ would react either.

 

"Yeah, all packed."Julie said.She didn't really know what to say either.She stood there a minute and then walked over to the kitchen.She was going to start a cup of coffee but found herself standing at the counter deep in thought.

 

Amanda could tell Julie was internalizing and struggling with something.She walked up behind her stood on her toes and leaned her head on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her waist."I know you're struggling.I wish you would let me in."

 

Julie took a deep breath."I know, Panda.I just can't grasp feeling like this.I can't be so emotional about him just going to do what he's always done.They walk out that door in like what?An hour?Maybe less.And when do we see them again?I've never worried about it before, and now, that's all I seem to do.Like I'm now so afraid of losing something, I'm freaking out over things I've never freaked out about before."

 

"JJ, your boyfriend is leaving, for who knows how long.To another country.Trust me, I know the feeling.I think you may be allowed to be sad about it."Amanda said standing back down on her feet and turning JJ around to her.

 

"Yeah, well you aren't freaking out."Julie said going back to making the coffee.

 

Amanda sighed.Going back to being busy.Old habits."Give me time.Plus, I can allow you to be emotional for once.I can be the voice of reason."

 

Julie turned and gave Amanda a sideways look."Really?In this relationship, you're the voice of reason?"

 

"Ok, maybe not most of the time.But seems sometimes I'm going to have to be now, since it's no longer going to be your full-time job."She walked up and hugged JJ again.

 

"I'm not that girl. I'm just not."Julie said hugging Amanda quickly but then going back to the coffee.

 

"Oh, JJ.Stop being so damn stubborn.It's ok to love someone so much that it makes you sad they're leaving."Amanda said sitting at the counter."Just deal with it."

 

"Shut up, Panda."Julie said taking out four mugs."I hate you."

 

"Yes, yes love, I hate you too."Amanda shook her head.Oh, what fun this was going to be once they got back home.

 

Niall walked out of the bedroom with the bags for him and Amanda."Wait, you're having a hate fest and you didn't wait for me?"He set the bags by the door and walked over to Amanda wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

 

"Sorry Niall.Was a girl's hate fest this morning."Julie said setting coffee on the counter for all of them.

 

"Hate fest?"Harry said walking out of the bedroom."Can't we just all be about love?"He walked around the counter to Julie."You know, I'm quite upset with you for carrying those bags out.Can't you just let me do the man thing every once and awhile?"He took a cup of coffee and put his arm around her shoulders.

 

"Oh Christ," Julie said rolling her eyes."It's not like we brought the whole world.Little old me even brought them both at once.They have these things on them called wheels.Makes it pretty easy to do."

 

"So, sassy."Harry said leaning down and nipping at her ear."I like it."He shook his head and laughed standing back up.

 

Julie looked at the clock.Jesus, the boys had to leave in like 30 minutes.She was not ready for this.She took her coffee and took a drink.Everything had changed so much.She seriously could not deal with this right now.She was ready to panic.Everything was different.She didn't know how to deal with that.Having Harry here with her gave her that safety and that distraction she needed.Now she had to go back home and deal with all of this alone.She was off of work for two more weeks.She didn't know what she was going to do.She really hated feeling like this.She hated wanting someone around so much.She wanted to go back to feeling ok alone.But she wasn't.Not anymore.Harry made it so she enjoyed having someone around.Someone who would look after her.Someone who would make sure she was ok.Someone who could catch her if she fell.She really wasn't dealing with this well at all.She clenched her teeth, and then realized she was still staring into her coffee mug.She was starting to struggle to catch her breath."I, um, I think I left something in the bedroom."She set her mug down and hurried to the room.She sat down on the end of the bed and put her head in her hands.God, she didn't want anyone to see her like this.What the fuck was wrong with her?She felt hands on her knees and sensed someone in front of her.She knew it was Harry.She didn't move.She still felt extremely irrational and unreasonable.Nothing he said was going to change that.

 

"Love, talk to me please."Harry said as he kneeled in front of her."Yes, Julie."He said as she just shook her head in her hands."You have to talk to me."

 

"I just need a minute."She mumbled into her hands.

 

"Damn it."He said as he stood up and pulled her to him.He stood there and just held her tightly.Her face was still buried in her hands which were all buried in his chest.When he felt her body start to shake, he couldn't take anymore.He moved her back from him a little and moved her hands.He took her cheeks in his hands."Baby."He kissed her lips and then her cheeks."You're killing me here."He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs.She wouldn't look at him.She was crying so hard.He couldn't stand to see it.It was a struggle for him to see this much of a reaction from her.He could almost hear her fighting with herself.Fighting against the feelings because she thought it was unreasonable."Julie, we are going to be fine.Everything is going to be ok."He whispered to her."I promise you that we will be ok."How could he leave her like this?He now wanted to stay more than ever.At least get her back to LA safely and show her everything was ok there.But he couldn't.He had to be back in London.The band had commitments, but all he wanted to say was fuck no to those commitments.But he couldn't do that either.He had the other guys in the band to think about."Fuck, I hate this."

 

"I'm sorry.I'm so sorry."Julie said trying to gather in her emotions."I don't know. I just can't...I'm not sure why this is happening.Harry, I don't want you to go.I don't want you to leave me.I need you.And it's killing me to feel like this."

 

"I know."He pulled her back into his arms.He closed his eyes and leaned his head on hers.What a change.The first time they'd said goodbye she had been so distant; the times since then had been normal goodbyes.She would say she would miss him, but she never had an emotional reaction.Now, he could hardly recognize her."I wish I didn't have to.I wish I could stay."He tried to keep his own voice from breaking.He didn't want to make her feel worse, but his emotions were getting the best of him.How could he leave her like this?How could he leave the woman he loved when she needed him most?He didn't want to.

 

Julie grabbed onto him.She wrapped her arms around him and grabbed his shirt tightly in both hands behind his back."Stay.Please.Just stay."She broke down sobbing.She didn't even recognize herself.She couldn't seem to help herself though.She didn't want to let him go."Please Harry.Please don't leave me."She cried.

 

"Julie."He couldn't help it anymore his eyes filled with tears and his voice was full of emotion.Damn it, he was emotional too just seeing her like this."I'm not leaving forever.That's what this is, isn't it?You don't think I'm coming back, do you?"He gripped her tighter and pulled her closer to him with his arms around her waist.

 

"No, that's not it."She once again tried to control her emotions but she couldn't seem to let go of the tight grip she had on him."Not completely.I'm scared.I'm scared of going through this alone.What happens when I go back to LA?Back to my old life?Away from here, without you? When I have nothing but time to think about everything.What happens then?I don't have you to hold me, to make me feel safe, to make me feel like I belong, that I'm loved and deserve to have a future.What happens then?Do I turn back into the person that everyone hates?"

 

"Whoa, wait, no one hates you.No one hated you then."He should have known this would be deeper than what was on the surface.He put his hands on her shoulders and looked down at her."We wanted you to heal, for you.Not for us.I loved you then, just like I love you now.And I will love you tomorrow the same as today, no matter how you heal.The thing about it is, baby, you need to do it for you."

 

"I need YOU to be able to do it.Don't you see that?If you wouldn't have fought me, if you wouldn't have pushed back, Harry, I would still be closed off in my own little bubble."She threw her hands up to the side."YOU got me here, and now you're going to be further away than ever.I'm SCARED!"She said as she stepped back from him fully.She hated every part of this but she was honestly petrified.

 

"No!Don't shut me out."He watched her start to close back up.He could almost see it.He could almost see those walls building back up around her."Julie, don't, please."He reached his hand out and grabbed one of hers."Don't pull back from me.Don't hide from me.I have to go back to London now.I know you know that.But that doesn't mean I won't be there fighting WITH you every step of the way."He took a step closer."I love you, and don't you ever forget that."He said lifting her chin and kissing her lips gently.He leaned his forehead against hers."We are the best team.And this is just another step through our journey together."He wrapped his arms around her and held her.She didn't say anything else, but he felt her slowly start to relax a little.

 

"I'm sorry."She said as she finally stepped back from him again a few minutes later."I'm so sorry."She had a bit more control over her emotions again.

 

"Don't be.It's not a bad feeling to know someone wants you around."He said as he kissed her again.

 

"You're going to be late now.Let's get you going."She took his hand and walked with him out to the front.She didn't want to break down anymore.She couldn't handle the intensity.When she saw Amanda crying in Niall's arms by the door, she stopped.Christ, she couldn't handle that either.She hated the emotions.She hadn't felt them in so long it was like a flood, and she was unable to control them.She took a deep breath and looked up at Harry."I can't do this.Like, I seriously cannot handle all of this."

 

"Yes, you can."He said as he put on his jacket.Niall must have loaded all of the bags already."You can, and you will." He leaned down and kissed her."I love you.I will talk to you soon.We've got this baby. I keep telling you that, and I still believe it."

 

"Ok, just go.Please.I can't do this again today.Just go before I beg you to stay again."She fought the tears again.After a minute of fighting them, she reached up and kissed him fully and deeply."I love you, too.So much." She kissed him again and then walked away.She couldn't take it anymore.She seriously felt like she was losing her mind.She shouldn't need him to stay this much.She turned back and looked at him when she heard the door open.She closed her eyes and dropped her head to her chest when he walked out.What the fuck was wrong with her."Harry!"She yelled out as she ran to the door and out and straight to him wrapping her arms around his neck as he turned around."I love you.I'm going to miss you, please don't stay away long."

 

Harry squeezed her tightly and picked her up."I will be back with you as soon as I can be.And until then, we will make it work.I love you, too."He set her down.He watched her nod, and he put his hand on her cheek when she reached up and kissed him again.He watched her step back and wave as she walked back into the cabin.He didn't want to leave.He wanted to follow her right back in there.He sighed and turned to Niall who was kissing Amanda goodbye one more time.He saw Amanda in tears, and he had to go now or he would never leave."Come on Niall."He said as he got in the car.He wiped the tear off his cheek as Niall got in.What the fuck.All these emotions were hard to deal with, and he wasn't even afraid of them.The things Julie must be going through.He looked at his phone when he heard his text notification.He smiled.It was from Julie.It said: "Already one minute closer to the time I get to see you again.Love you, H. xoxo J."It made him happy.He text her back: "One minute closer to being back in the only arms I want to be in....forever. Love you, J. xoxo H."He took a deep breath of relief and sat back for the ride.


	50. Chapter 50

Almost a month had passed since the Tahoe trip.  It had been a crazy time.  Julie asked her therapists for clearance to go back to work early, and after a bit of discussion with her, they agreed.  She just wanted to be busy and didn't want all the alone time to think about everything that was going on.  The hospital scheduled her the same nights as Amanda, although she hadn't asked for that. But it did seem to work out better that way as she wasn't alone at home much either.  Julie was slightly annoyed with herself for wanting someone around all the time, but she was just plain scared.  She had thought so much about her past the last month or two that she was anxious about a lot of things.  Jumpy and a bit paranoid.  It sucked.  She wished this healing process would go a lot faster.  She wished that it wasn't so difficult to get through every little thing.  She had spoken to Harry multiple times a day, every day, but she still missed him like crazy.  And she still thought every bit of this would be easier with him there, but she knew she needed to learn to do it on her own.  Why was everything so damn complicated?

 

Amanda spent much of her time making sure that JJ was ok.  She didn't mind really, but it was hard watching JJ struggle.  It was difficult watching her jump every time they heard a loud noise or an unexpected knock on the door.  Amanda also relayed a lot of information to Harry; they weren't plotting behind JJ's back, but JJ did seem to hold more back from him when he wasn't there than she did when they were together in Tahoe.  Amanda felt Harry had a right to know that things may not always have been as good as JJ made them out to be.  Even though she and Niall weren't able to see each other this past month, she was super glad to have him.  They talked to each other all the time, and he had been such a big support to her.  He listened every time she had trouble dealing with things.  Niall was an amazing man, and she still wondered how she had gotten so lucky.

 

Niall was upset he hadn't had any time the past month to see Amanda.  He knew she understood, but it was still tough.  The guys were set to leave for tour in about a week.  He was glad she shared so much with him and that she counted on him to help her through everything.  Amanda was such a beautiful, smart, loving girl, and he was extremely happy they'd met by chance on that crazy day in LA.  What they have gotten through together so far was no struggle for him.  It seemed easy.  Like it was the only thing to do.  No other choice.  He loved her.  He would help her through everything.  He was trying to figure out how to get back to LA for a couple of days before they flew out to the first tour location.  He had to do it now though for it to work.

 

Harry struggled being so far away from Julie for so long.  Even without Amanda, he could tell Julie was struggling even though she wouldn't fully admit it to him.  She wanted to make sure he didn't feel guilty.  She always tried to convince him she was ok and that it was ok he wasn't there.  She had pulled back some in the open and honest department, but he wasn't surprised really.  She had a lot to get through.  She had been so open and so honest in Tahoe, he didn't figure that would be possible to sustain forever.  He was still extremely proud of her though.  Julie really had given him her heart.  The wall wasn't completely down, but he had a doorway through to it.  He was grateful.  He was also sad.  It was his 21st birthday today, and he was with his family.  He should be ecstatic.  But he wasn't.  His girlfriend was in another country.  All he wanted to do was be with her.  And on top of that, he had been trying to call her and hadn't been able to reach her all day.  Seriously, he thought she would make it a point to talk to him on his birthday.  He received a short "Happy Birthday" text with an "I love you" when he had woken up, but that was it.  He sighed.

 

"Harry, love."  Anne said to him.  "It's your birthday. I think maybe you should be a bit happier."

 

"Yeah, mum.  I know.  I'm sorry.  It's been a great day.  But it's almost over.  We're sitting here at dinner, and I haven't even spoken to Julie yet.  It just seems...wrong.  I'm not sure how to explain it.  It's bad enough I can't be with her today, but now she's not answering or calling me back.  As far as I know, she's not mad at me."  Harry said looking up from his phone to his mum.

 

"Oh, I know love."  She touched his cheek.  "I get it, but I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation."

 

"Yeah, I know.  Just feeling sorry for myself tonight, I guess."   He said smiling at his mum.  God, how he loved that woman.  Anne was such a wonderful woman who supported him through everything he'd ever done.  "Where's Gemma anyway?  How come she's not here?"

 

"She's coming.  She's running later than she anticipated."  Anne sat next to him.  "She's bringing your birthday present."

 

"How could she be getting a present this late?  She's known about this date her whole life."  Harry tried to joke.

 

"Well, you know your sister, dear."  Anne said rubbing her thumb over his hand.  "Let's just try to have a nice dinner."  Anne looked up and smiled.  "Oh, Harry, I think you may want to see this meal."

 

"Just a minute mum, I'm trying to get ahold of Julie one more time before dinner."  He mumbled a thank you when his plate was set in front of him.  He wrinkled his eyebrows when he heard the voice of the person who set it down.  He was losing his mind. He was now hearing Julie's voice.  Harry stopped texting when he caught a familiar scent.  Ok, he knew that smell.  He still didn't look up though.  He heard, "Sir, do you think that you may be able to look away from that phone for just a moment?  I assure you the dinner will meet your satisfaction."  He practically knocked over the chair when he stood up.  He grabbed her and engulfed her in his arms.  The voice, the smell, he knew immediately.  She was here.  "Baby!"  He held her so tightly too him.

 

Julie laughed as he stood up so quickly and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest.  He didn't even look at her.  "Harry, I can't breathe."  She laughed and then looked up at him when he let her move slightly away from his chest.  "Happy Birthday, my love."

 

He shook his head, looking down at her.  After she said "Happy Birthday", he stepped back slightly and took her face in his hands.  "I can't believe you're here.  I was getting so mad you weren't answering your phone."

 

She smiled and reached up and wiped the tear from his cheek.  "I know. My flight was SO delayed.  I had to scramble to get on another flight that had a layover in New York and then that flight from New York was delayed.  I was supposed to be here hours ago.  Before you even came to the restaurant.  Gemma waited at the airport for hours for me."  She said smiling at him.  She reached up and kissed him.  "I'm just glad it's still your birthday.  I was concerned that I might not arrive in time."

 

"I'm so glad you did."  He pulled her back into his arms.  He looked back at Gemma and his mum who were smiling at him.  "You both knew!?"  He just shook his head when they shrugged at him.  He looked at Julie.  "God, I was so worried I wasn't going to get to see you."  He kissed her again.  "You look tired."  He said touching her cheek again.  He still couldn't believe she was here.

 

"It's been a long, long, long day."  She took his hand and kissed it.  "But I'm fine. I'm so glad I'm here."  She stood up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him.  Oh, she just needed his hug right now.  His hugs were the tightest, safest hugs she'd ever felt.  She whispered in his ear, "I've got a present for you when we get back to your house."  She giggled when he tightened his arms.  "Let's eat.  So, we can sing you Happy Birthday."  She couldn't wait to get him alone.  She just wanted to feel safe again.  She was doing ok.  Amanda made her feel comfortable, but there was no one who could make her feel safer than Harry.

 

"I'm not letting you go."  He pulled a chair right next to his.  "It's been way too long, I think I'm dreaming.  I can't believe you guys pulled this off."  He sat and put his hand on her knee.  "You keep surprising me.  How do you keep doing that?"  He looked at her really for the first time.  "You look amazing."  She did.  Simple black dress, simple black boots.  Light natural makeup.  Her dark hair hanging over her shoulders with light curls.  "You don't look like you've been traveling all day."

 

Julie laughed.  "Gemma took me so I could shower and get ready quickly.  I needed it.  No way I could have come here looking like I did and feeling like I did.  Yes, I know you would have loved me anyway, but it wasn't pretty."  She joked.  "I promise I did it as quickly as I could.  Thanks for giving Gemma a key to your house.  I seem to remember it pretty well."

 

"You've been there already?"  He shook his head.  "Sneaky girl."  He leaned over and kissed her.  He looked into her eyes.  God, he'd missed her.  One month.  When he left for tour, it would be at least two months until he got to see her again.  He took a deep breath.  Just enjoy the time you have with her, Styles.  Oh, thank god, he got to see her before they left for tour. He was still amazed how his family had managed to pull it off without him knowing.  "Have I mentioned I'm happy you're here?"

 

"You may have mentioned it.  I wouldn't miss it for anything, Harry.  I'm sorry I was so late."  She said putting her hand on top of his which was still on her knee.

 

"Oh, no worries.  This is the best birthday ever already."  He smiled and kissed her again and then settled back as everyone started talking to them and dinner was served to everyone.  It was a wonderful birthday dinner indeed.  Julie got along swimmingly with everyone.  She seemed pretty comfortable with the group.  She smiled and laughed a lot.  She didn't seem quite as open as she had been in Tahoe, and he would talk to her about it, but things looked good.  He was so happy she had come.  So happy he didn't have to try to find a way to see her before they left on tour.  He hoped she was staying for a while.  They did leave for tour in five days, and he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could.  He had so many questions, but they could wait until later.  Or tomorrow.  He found himself wishing he could get her alone.  Quickly.  He laughed to himself, patience Styles, patience, he said in his head.

 

When it came time to sing Happy Birthday, Harry wouldn't let Julie escape.  She started to go over to stand by his mum, but he pulled her back.  He wrapped his arm around her.  "No, stay.  Please."  He held onto her while everyone started singing.  She was with him now.  That was what he wanted.  She belonged by his side.  In everything.  When they'd finished singing, and he was told to make a wish, he looked down into Julie's eyes.  "I don't need to.  I already got my wish."  He leaned down and kissed her while everyone clapped.  "So, I guess my wish is that everyone feels as happy and as lucky as I do in this moment."  He leaned over and blew out his candles.

 

Julie looked up at him and shook her head.  "Sappy much?"  She asked him.

 

"Oh, I forgot sassy.  Too much deep for my precious you."  He leaned down and kissed her again.  "I can't help it though when it's the truth.  Can we go home yet?"

 

Julie laughed at him.  "Soon boyfriend."  She shook her head again.  "Let's let your mom enjoy us for a while.  She's been watching you the whole time you know."

 

"Yes, I know.  I can tell."  He kissed her one more time.

 

Julie kissed him back and then watched him walk over to his mum and hug her tightly.  She loved their relationship.  Harry and Anne were so close.  The whole family was amazing.  She never felt out of place when she was around.  Of course, it wasn't often.  This was only her second time here, but Gemma really befriended her, and Anne was always so kind.  She definitely could see where Harry got it from.  The kindness ran in the genes.  She was so lucky that she got to experience all of it, even just looking in.  She turned and talked to Gemma while Harry was with his mom.  She loved London.  She felt most comfortable here.  It seriously was so far away from her past that she hoped she was able to spend more time here going forward.  She glanced at Harry and Anne often.  She loved watching him happy and smiling.  The contented feeling of Tahoe overwhelmed her again.  Happiness.  She was feeling happiness.  And she was enjoying it.  A lot.

 

Amanda was sitting at home pouting.  She was happy JJ had gotten to go see Harry. It was his 21st birthday after all, but she wanted to see Niall too.  It had been a whole month since they'd been together and the guys left for tour soon, and Niall had no idea when he would be able to see her.  She was so sad about it.  She sighed and went to the kitchen to make herself something to eat.  She had the next couple of days off from work.  She should have just gone with JJ to London.  Found a way to see Niall.  She made a simple sandwich and walked back into the living room with it.  She didn't even look up.  She set the sandwich on the table and looked for the tv remote, might as well catch up on some of the shows she missed while at work this week.  When she turned around, Niall was standing right in front of her.  "Oh my god!!!!  Niall!!  What are you doing here?"  She stepped up to him and hugged him tightly.  "How did you get in here?!"

 

Niall laughed and squeezed her.  "Hi, Princess.  You know I couldn't go out on tour without seeing you.  I wanted to surprise you.  JJ left a key at the front desk for me."

 

"Damn it!  She knew and didn't tell me!?"  Amanda was in tears.  She was seriously surprised.

 

"Well, it sort of would have ruined the surprise if she'd told you."  Niall laughed and then stepped back so he could kiss her.  "I've missed you so very much."

 

"I'm so glad that you came.  I was wondering why you said I shouldn't come to London with JJ.  Such brats you two are."  Amanda said wiping her tears and kissing him again.

 

Niall laughed again.  "We just wanted to surprise you, not like we were plotting something bad behind your back."  He took her hand and kissed it.  "So, I saw you made some lunch.  I'm starving, do you think I may be able to get some of that too."

 

Amanda sniffled and laughed.  "Of course, you are.  Yes, of course.  But you can make it yourself."

 

"No," Niall pouted.  "So not fair.  Aren't you supposed to wait on me?  Good woman and all?"

 

"Oh we are not living in 1952, my love.  I think you can make yourself a sandwich."  Amanda took his hand.  "But I shall walk you to the kitchen."  She was so surprised he was here.  He and JJ were sneaky.  But she sure wasn't mad about it.  What a beautiful surprise.  She was grateful he was here and grateful that JJ helped him pull off the surprise.  Well, life seemed to be going pretty well these days.  Just sucked that in a few short days he would be jetting across the world and literally a day ahead for quite some time.

 

Niall watched Amanda while he made his sandwich.  He could tell she was glad he was here, but yet still sad.  He figured he knew why.  This tour was long and all across the world.  The guys had discussed it and were hoping to have the break in April through June mostly in LA for writing and recording their new album.  They were also discussing the possibility of taking a much needed and much deserved break from the constant touring and recording, and it would be a perfect time, but as a collective had not decided yet, so he wasn't going to say anything about it to Amanda yet.  Maybe they could discuss something of the sorts though.  He finished making his sandwich and took her hand going back to sit on the couch and eat with her.  "I wish you weren't so sad Princess, but I think I can understand why.  I'm not looking forward to leaving you either."

 

"I know, Niall.  I know it's not something you're doing on purpose.  And trust me, I love who you are.  I love your talent, and that you share it with so many people.  I know how your songs touch people and help people.  I'm trying not to be selfish.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world for you to call me your girlfriend.  And part of me is super sad that my boyfriend has to go away for so long.  But I'm not the only one who deals with it.  People deal with being away from their loved ones a lot.  So, I do get it.  I just don't have to like it.  Do I?"  Amanda said sadly.

 

"No, babe.  Of course, you don't have to like it.  I'm not going to like it either.  No one would like to spend so much time away from their partner.  The one they love.  But it's our life right now.  It won't be forever.  We will work through things while we both get to live our lives and our dreams.  It won't always be so complicated, love.  I promise you.  We have lots of time to work this out.  And we always know that we have each other to come home to.  No matter how long it is."  Niall said leaning over and kissing her.  "Trust me, Amanda, I know this isn't ideal.  But it's us.  And together, we couldn't be any more perfect."

 

Amanda just looked at him after he kissed her.  Seriously, could this boy be any more perfect?  She thought about the words he'd said.  "Good god, where did you come from?  Because I swear to you, I couldn't have asked for anything more than what you said.  You always know the right thing to say.  How can I even argue with that?  You're amazing Niall.  I don't think you realize how lucky I feel to be in your life like I am.  I don't even know how I got so lucky that night in the ER."

 

"Well I'm glad wrecking my knee and being in so much pain made you happy, Princess."  Niall laughed.

 

"Oh, that's not what I meant, and you know it."  Amanda laughed.  "No, you know what.  I don't care.  Whatever happened.  It brought you into my life. So yeah, I don't care you wrecked your knee, and you were in pain.  Nope, sorry I don't."

 

"Oh, you cheeky brat you." Niall said as he set his plate down and started tickling her sides.  "How mean."

 

"Niall!!!"  Amanda screamed and giggled and lay backwards on the couch watching him as he came closer and tickled her some more.  "Stop!!"  She laughed harder.  "I can't say I'm sorry. I just can't; it was perfect."

 

Niall tickled her some more and leaned down and kissed her, looking deeply into her eyes.  "Yeah, you know what?  I can't say I would change anything about it either.  I couldn't be happier honestly.  I'm extremely happy."  He leaned down and cupped her cheek.  "I love you."  He kissed her thoroughly.


	51. Chapter 51

Harry looked over at Julie who was off by herself a bit.They'd had a great night.She had interacted with everyone there.She was charming and kind, and everyone seemed to like her.Not that it was the most important thing, but he was glad everyone seemed to see the good in her.She did look tired though.Maybe a bit overwhelmed.She wasn't the most outgoing person, but she'd tried extremely hard tonight to speak to everyone who wanted to speak to her.It was late; it probably would be safe for them to leave.He watched her run her hand through her hair and let out a deep breath.Yeah, she'd had enough.He walked up to her."Hey, gorgeous.Ready to get out of here?"

 

"Oh, I'm ok.Just needed a bit of a break.It's exhausting trying to be nice to everyone.Especially for me."She joked.

 

"Funny, love.Funny."He leaned down and kissed her."I know you like to pretend you're big, bad and mean.But you're not.Just accept it."

 

"You should just accept your girlfriend is mean."Julie smiled up at him."Hi."She put her hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes."I missed you so much.You have no idea.And that's really hard for me to admit."

 

"I know."He laughed."But thanks for admitting it."He put his hand behind her neck and pulled her closer to him, kissing her, and wrapping his arms around her waist."I think it's ok for us to leave.I've seen these people for weeks, and I haven't seen you, or touched you, in a month."

 

Julie rolled her eyes."Of course.I know exactly what you're thinking about.Such a typical man."

 

"Do you blame me?I mean, look at you.How could I possibly think of keeping my hands off you when I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the universe?"He chuckled and kissed her.

 

"Oh, you think you're so charming." Julie said shaking her head."You're lucky I fell in love with you before I realized how much of a smooth talker you were."She took his hand when he backed up from her a bit.

 

"Yeah, yeah.Super lucky.Come on. Let's go say goodbye to mum and then everyone and get out of here.We can go for a walk if you want.Let's just go be alone.I can think about other things, you smart ass."Harry said pulling her along back to his mom.

 

"I love your pet names for me.They're so lovable."Julie said tucking hair behind her ear.

 

"Shut up."Harry laughed at her.They spoke to his mum for a bit longer and then said their goodbyes.He placed Julie's coat around her shoulders and put his on.After she'd closed up her coat, he put his hand gently on her back and walked her out of the restaurant.When he'd met her, he hadn't been looking for a serious relationship.Ever since that day though, he couldn't think of anything else.Yes, she was complex; yes, she was scared; yes, she was sassy and a bit closed off; but he couldn't love her anymore.Maybe he was truly brought into her life to understand her, help her.He'd said before that Niall understood her more than he did, but he wasn't sure that was true.Niall did see things a little simpler than he did.But he felt he did know her better than anyone.He still wasn't over her openness in Tahoe.He knew she had pulled back some since he left. He could hear it when they spoke and see it when they FaceTimed, but she still seemed more opened than she had been previously.He walked her to the car and opened the door for her, helped her in, and then closed her door.After he walked around the car and got in, he looked at her."I'm going to take you someplace before we go home.I want you to see the city like you've never seen before."

 

Julie smiled at him."Ok, love.Someplace special?"

 

"Yes love, although anywhere with you is special."Harry laughed when Julie scrunched her nose at him."God, I love you. You're so cute when you make faces at me."

 

"Oh, you shut up now."Julie laughed.

 

"It's only a couple minute drive."Harry said as he drove out of the city a bit and up a large hill.He parked and walked around to let Julie out of the car.He took her hand and walked her to a bench at the highest part of the hill.When you looked down you could see a lot of the city.The lights, the buildings, the beauty."Well, what do you think?"

 

"It's beautiful.It's perfect.I love overlooking beautiful places."Julie said looking over the city.

 

Harry stood next to her."I may have realized that.You ran to roofs, and you also went up the hill in Tahoe.I may be a bit daft, but I observe you.I want to know what you like.Although, this one I picked up purely by coincidence.I come up here every now and again.It's a great place to think and figure things out.Thought maybe you could share it with me."

 

Julie smiled up at him."I'm not sure I like you knowing me so well.How am I supposed to hide from you anymore?"

 

"You aren't.Whole point, my love, whole point."Harry said chuckling at her.

 

"Well, damn."Julie said pulling her jacket tighter around her.It was a bit breezy.A little chill ran through her.

 

Harry watched her.She didn't seem overly sad, but she didn't seem overly happy either.It was the first time in a while he didn't feel he could read her.They needed to talk before he left on tour.He couldn't let her continue to pull back."Are you cold?Do you want to go?"When he watched her shake her head no, he continued."Ok, I'm going to run to the coffee shop, right over there."He said pointing to his right."Grab us some hot chocolate, ok?"

 

"Ok, I just want to stay a little longer.It's beautiful."Julie said still staring out over the city.

 

Harry sighed.He started to walk to the coffee shop and turned and looked back at her.Her silhouette, her hair blowing in the wind.She was so beautiful to him.He wished she could really see that.He went into the shop got the hot chocolate and walked back to her.Probably took a total of about 15 minutes.She hadn't moved.He handed her the cup and stood behind her.He wrapped his free arm around her waist when she leaned back against him."You ok, baby?"

 

"Yeah, I'm ok."She said as she sipped her drink.She sighed."I know you want me to say more, Harry.I do.It's been a long month.I just want to enjoy being here for a while.Just want to feel the way I always do when I'm in your arms.And how I feel when I'm London.Away from it all."

 

"I know.I know all of that.And it's been a long month for me too.I wanted to be with you. I wish you would realize that."He said kissing her temple."It's not easy for me being away from you either.I could tell you were pulling back from me the longer time went on.I could tell you weren't opening up about your feelings the way you had in Tahoe."

 

"Tahoe, Harry, was special.I thought I had lost you.I thought I had lost everyone, but mainly you.Everything was so new.I basically let everything pour out.I'm not sure that's the real me either."She rubbed her face and sighed and then turned to him, looking up into his eyes."I'm not really sure who the real me is right now.I don't think it's the one that internalizes and deals with things on her own all the time, but I don't think it's the one that spills everything she's feeling either.I'm trying to find that balance.I don't want you to feel guilty for doing what you're doing either.So yes, maybe there are things I purposely kept from you so that I didn't make you feel guilty.But, let's face it.I need to learn to deal with it on my own.You can't be there.I'm not mad about it. I'm not upset about it. It's just the way it is."

 

He looked down at her."I'm not asking you to open up completely all the time. Ok, maybe I was.This is hard for me.I didn't mean to fall in love when I did, but it's not like I could help it.I know this is going to be hell; even without you going through what you're going through, it would be hell.Add that in and I just don't know what to do.I don't want to see you close yourself off again.Please, don't pull back from me.Please."He reached out and touched her cheek."If you're angry about things, if you're irritated, or annoyed, just, let me know.Don't pretend you're not.I don't expect you to be completely happy all the time.I just hate seeing you so, flat."

 

"That's not it.Harry.Please."She took a deep breath.He was pressing her, and she was trying really hard not to pull too far back, but she was also trying not to let the emotions completely control her the way they did when he'd left Tahoe.She shook her head and fought her tears."I don't want you to go, Harry.Is that what you want me to say?I don't want to be alone for so long.I don't want to want you, and need you, and have you be halfway across the world.But, I also know how unfair that is, and how irrational that is.And constantly fighting with myself is exhausting.Getting upset and emotional about not having you here with me, and then angry at myself for not being understanding.I don't want to fight with you.I don't want you to feel guilty.I don't want you to be someone you're not.I just don't know how to deal with any of this."

 

"Well, that's a start."He looked into her eyes.He softly wiped a tear from her cheek."I understand, Julie.Believe it or not.You don't think it bothers me when I seem to make you so calm, when I seem to make you feel safe and then I have to leave?I love you.It's what I want more than anything.I want you to feel safe.To feel loved.Wanted and needed.I struggled leaving you in Tahoe.I struggle through every phone call.I want and need to feel your hand in mine, your hands on my body.Your head on my chest.I long to wake up next to you every morning. I want to be there when your nightmares overcome your sleep."

 

"Harry, stop."Julie begged struggling to stop her tears.

 

"No, I won't.And you don't have to stop your tears."He lifted her chin to him."It hurts me just as much.I need you just as much."

 

"What do you need me for, Harry?What have I given you in this relationship?Other than pain and sadness?Fear and worry?I just feel like I bring nothing.And the longer you're gone, the longer you're away from it, I'm afraid you're going to realize that.How much simpler it is without me."She licked over her teeth and sniffled blinking her tears."I didn't want to do this.Especially not tonight.It's your birthday.I just wanted to surprise you and make you happy."

 

He was shocked.Once again, she took his breath with her confession."You made me extremely happy."He set his cup down, stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly into his chest."I don't know why you think that.I know it's been tough.I know that you may not realize how much you have done for me.Julie, I've seen moments of you the first time we met.Even before we met.When Lottie told me the story of the pants.When you allow yourself to just be you, you're amazing.I fell in love with a funny, sassy, smart woman with an extremely complicated and horrible past.I can see through that.I see you.I wish YOU would see that."

 

"God," Julie said laughing a little through her tears."You're so amazing.Where did you even come from? I have never met a guy or anyone as insightful and as kind as you."She looked up at him."Can you just take me home now?We have 4 days.We don't have to figure all of this out tonight.Tonight is a celebration of you.Let's go do that.I still have your present."She had questions for him too.Like what he meant in Tahoe when he said they had talked about a break.But tonight, was not the night.Tonight, they would go back and celebrate his birthday.

 

"See, you're incredible."Harry kissed her lips."Let's go home, Julie."He smiled at the thought.She said home.Not take me to your house.Yeah, he knew what she meant, but it sounded so nice.He took her hand and walked her back to the car.He smiled the whole way home.

 

Niall sat watching Amanda.She was watching tv, or so she pretended at least.She looked sad though.She was usually so upbeat and happy.Always the contrast to JJ's melancholy. At first, he'd wondered how those two were even friends because they seemed so opposite.But after watching them together, he realized it's what made them work.They evened each other out.Things were changing all around."Princess, what's going on?Why so sad?"

 

Amanda forced a smile."Oh, I don't know.I'm so happy you're here.I really am.I guess I'm just caught up in the fact that in 4 days, you leave, and I don't get to see you for what?At least 2 months?This past month was hard enough.And the month before Tahoe.It's just a lot.I don't mean to bring you down."

 

Niall got up and sat on the coffee table in front of Amanda."You're not bringing me down.Don't think like that.I understand."He took her hands."We are good together, Amanda.No distance is going to change that.I'm not looking forward to leaving either.This is probably the most conflicted I have ever felt about going on tour."

 

"No, Niall, that's not what I mean.I don't want you to think that.Or feel guilty.I love that you're you.Hell, who wouldn't Niall?I know what you do."Amanda sighed."I just hate that you're so far away for so long."

 

"I know, Princess."He kissed her hands."It's not going to be easy.I get that.I know that as well as you.I count on you, you know.You're the first person I want to talk too when something goes good, or bad.I think of you first in everything I do.I love you.And having you love me back has been the best thing ever."

 

"Oh, I think you got that backwards.You choosing to love me has been a dream.You are my dream guy, Niall, not just because you are in a band or a great musician, but because of your heart, your soul.Your kindness, your compassion.The way you've not only stuck by me, but stuck by JJ.The way you push her and know her even better than I do sometimes.Niall, there is no man in this world better for me than you."

 

"I didn't choose to love you. Amanda, it just is."Niall said pulling her up by her hands."I just knew.It didn't take me long to love you.You're everything I need."He stepped closer and pulled her into his arms."Loving you is by far the easiest thing I have ever done."

 

"Wow, see, you're incredible.Who even makes boys like you?Apparently, someone needs to teach some boys in the US the way they teach them in Ireland."Amanda said wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

"Nah, because then I would have had a harder time since they would have realized what they were missing and all come after you.Let them be jackasses."Niall said leaning in and giving her a kiss.

 

Amanda laughed."That's my Niall.God, I love you."

 

"I love you too, Princess, no matter how far I am.We will have the best time the next 4 days.We got time my love.And we will work it out no matter what."


	52. Chapter 52

Harry carried Julie's bags up to his room.He set them down and turned to her."Hi."He said walking back up to her.He put his hands on her waist and looked down at her.

 

"Hi."She replied.She stood on her toes and kissed him."Give me a few minutes and then I will give you your birthday present."She went back down on her feet and ran her hand over his chest.

 

Harry put his hand on hers on his chest and held her in place."I don't need anything other than you."He took her hand and kissed her palm."I've missed you long enough."

 

"Patience, my dear Harry, patience."Julie said patting his chest again.She grabbed her small bag and walked into the bathroom.

 

Harry sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands.He kicked off his boots.What was going on?All he wanted was to be close to her.Kiss her, hold her, be with her.Patience.Patience was not on his mind right now.He sat straight up when the bathroom door opened and she stepped out.She was barefoot and in a long silk black robe tied in a big bow in the front.The robe hugged her hips perfectly and moved silently with her.She looked amazing.When she stepped in between his legs, he put his hands on her hips and looked into her bright blue eyes."You're so beautiful."He took one hand and gently caressed her cheek.

 

"You ready for your birthday present?"She said looking down into his eyes.She was glad he stayed sitting.She was nervous.She needed any advantage she could get.Their height difference was sometimes intimidating to her.She knew it would be for what she was about to do.She actually couldn't believe she was about to do it.She had thought long and hard about a birthday gift for him.He honestly could get anything that he wanted himself.She always preferred gifts being personal and intimate.There was nothing more intimate about what she was about to give him.

 

"I told you.You're all I want.All I need."He ran his hand down her arm.

 

"Well, good.Because all you have to do is unwrap it."She glanced down at the bow tied at her waist.

 

"Unwrap it?"Harry asked confused.He wasn't sure what she meant.When he saw her eyes glance down at the robe tie, his eyes widened."You, mean, you, it's...you're...seriously?"He stuttered.

 

"Yes, Harry.I'm your gift."She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she said it. She still hadn't raised her eyes. Oh, she was so out of her element with this.She had no clue what she was doing.But he always told her that all he ever wanted is her.Well, she was about to give herself to him.Fully.This was one of those moments where she knew his eyes would be all over her.She was willing to let him see her.All her insecurities, all her flaws, completely open.

 

Harry's hands were shaking.It wasn't like he'd never seen her before.But for her to offer.For her to be so open, so trusting of him.It was a huge step.One he'd been waiting for...longing for.No matter what, she was perfect to him.She didn't need to be perfect to anyone else.First, though, he put his hand on her cheek and gently lifted her face so he could look in her eyes."This already is the best birthday gift I've ever gotten."His hands were still shaking as he went to the tie on her robe.He saw her watching his hands.He slowly untied the robe, letting the ties unwind and the robe fall slightly open.He gasped when he saw just a bit of a small black teddy underneath.Oh god, she didn't."Fuck, baby.You didn't."He said.When she took her hands and opened the robe further and then slid it down her shoulders, he just stared.Small black bra with sheer lace hanging over her stomach, small black panties.Nothing else.When she let the robe fall to the floor, he grabbed her hips with both hands and pulled her closer.His eyes wandering over every part of her."Son of a bitch."

 

"Happy Birthday, Harry.I hope you like it."She whispered.

 

"Like it?Baby, you're all I've ever wanted.I've told you that.And even though this wasn't necessary, you look incredible."He ran his hands over her stomach and ran the lace between his fingers."This is breathtaking.It suits you so well.You have immaculate taste."He didn't expect it; but when he saw it, it was so her.Simple and black.Yet beautiful.He was the colorful one in this relationship.She was simple and refined.This blew his mind.He always hoped that she would be more open with him, especially when they were intimate.Not that he was complaining about their sex life, he just loved to see her gain confidence.He also knew opening herself up in this way was difficult for her.She was extremely uncomfortable with her body and her scars, because of how she'd been treated in the past.This meant she trusted him completely.Believed he loved what he saw."I could sit and stare at you forever."

 

"Oh no.I'm not sure I could handle that."She looked into his eyes and smiled a nervous smile."I still feel pretty uncomfortable.But, with you, I just want you to know there's no one I trust more.And you make me feel, like, I don't even know if I can say it."She took a deep breath, looked at the ground and then back at him."You make me feel, pretty.I've never felt like that before.Yet, you say it all the time.I guess that it's true, when you're told something for so long, you just start to believe it."She ran her thumb over his lips."So," she stepped back and slowly spun in a circle, "I'd like to show you."

 

Harry loved the eye contact.She wasn't one to hold it.She didn't like when he seemed to look so deeply into her.But she was keeping it longer and longer the more he knew her.When she stepped back and spun, he took a deep, shaky breath."You're so beautiful."He stood up and walked up to her.His hands ran over the beautiful fabric of the teddy again."I'm in heaven right now."He slid his finger under the strap on her shoulder.Slowly, he slid the strap off her shoulder and ran his hand over her shoulder.Then he did the same to the other side. "Your skin is my favorite thing to touch."He took her hand and spun her so her back was towards him.He kept her hand so that his arm was around her stomach and leaned down and kissed her shoulder and then the back of her neck."I don't care if it takes all night.I want to touch every inch of your skin."He moved her hair and kissed down to the buckle of the bra.

 

Julie shivered when his lips made their way down her back."Jesus, Harry.I know it's your birthday, but do you have to torture me?"She was struggling to breathe properly.

 

He chuckled, his lips still on her back."I'm not torturing you."He ran his hand over her stomach under the shear lace.He felt her stomach clench.She reacted more positively to his touch every time they were together.

 

"Harry, aren't I supposed to be the one..."She started to say.

 

"No, it's my birthday; let me enjoy my present the way I want to."He laughed out loud when she slapped at his hands. "I'm selfish.And right now, I'm completely ok with that."He kissed the side of her neck."Just relax."He reached up and undid the bra with one hand.When it loosened, he slid his hand around to the front of her, under the bra and over her breast.He groaned into her neck.She said he was torturing her, but he was torturing himself just as much.He was completely turned on.He still wasn't done feeling every inch of her skin though."You're like a drug.One I'm completely addicted to."He slid the straps fully off her arms and let the bra drop to the floor.He cupped her breast and ran his hand down her stomach.

 

"Wait."She said putting her hand on his.She giggled when he groaned."Oh, stop."She turned towards him."You've got on way too many clothes.Let's be fair."She reached up, looked into his eyes, licked her lips and grabbed the top buttons on his shirt.She pulled and ripped the shirt open.Buttons flew across the room.She couldn't help but laugh out loud."Oops.Hope you know a good tailor."She joked.

 

Harry couldn't help but smile widely when she ripped his shirt open."Oh, I think I will keep it just like this to remind me of this night."He watched her run the shirt down his arms and drop it onto the floor.

 

"Well, I probably should be more careful with the pants.I mean, they are covering something very sensitive."She said as she ran her hand over his zipper.

 

"Fuck!"He looked down at her."What's gotten into you?"

 

"Well, I'm trying to get you into me.But you're still clothed."She laughed.Oh god, this was so new.But she had to admit it was kind of fun.This tension was absolutely a good kind of tension.She hadn't known that existed.

 

He slapped her bum.He couldn't believe she said that.He loved it.But never expected it.She shocked him in a good way a lot."You're being such a naughty, little angel."He laughed."And I'm loving every second of it.But yes, maybe we should change that."His eyes widened when she quickly undid his button and zipper."Well, who's being impatient now?"He watched her try to slide his skinny jeans down.

 

Julie started cracking up.She was struggling to get his jeans down over his legs."See, I was right; it is a lot of damn work to get into your pants."She couldn't stop laughing.

 

"Julie!"He started laughing."Seriously?!"He laughed harder because she was laughing so hard."I guess we finally got to test the theory."

 

"I quit."She stood up straight."You need to buy looser jeans."She put her hands on her hips and looked at him.

 

"Don't be a quitter."He watched her body closely as she stood there exposed in front of him.He never took his eyes from her as he removed his jeans.He was still laughing at her.She was still laughing.God, he loved her laugh.He wanted to hear it more."I'm glad I could entertain you tonight."

 

"I'm sorry."She couldn't stop laughing."I guess we've kind of come full circle."She walked past him and climbed up onto his bed.When he climbed up by her, she took a pillow and smacked him with it.She laughed a little bit harder.

 

Harry was caught a bit off guard but laughed when she did.Playful.Playful was good.Playful was fun.He loved this side of her.Well, he loved every side of her, but he wanted to see this side more.He grabbed the other pillow and hit her with it, and when he did she fell from her knees onto her butt. 

 

"Hey!"She laughed.She was having an almost naked pillow fight with her extremely gorgeous, famous boyfriend.She never in a million years saw that coming.This was a scene she had never even dreamed about, but it seemed so normal for them.She hit him back with the pillow and laughed when he hit her back.

 

After a few minutes of pillow fighting on the bed, Harry grabbed the pillows and threw them aside.He took her arms and tackled her onto her back."Alright, sassy, I think it's time for a different kind of fun."He looked down into her eyes.She had tears of laughter in them.He was happy.God, he was happy.

 

"I was having fun."She laughed at him.She reached up and put her hand on the side of his neck.

 

"Yeah, me too.But I'm ready for the next step."He ran his hand up her stomach and cupped her breast again."Ok?"

 

She smiled at him."Yes, perfectly ok."She reached up and kissed him.She ran her tongue over his lips, and this time, she started the tongue fight.She loved his kisses.She closed her eyes as the kiss continued to get deeper.She broke the kiss and arched her back and threw her head back when she felt his hand slide inside her panties."Oh, god."She moaned.

 

"I told you before, Harry's fine."He chuckled.

 

"You're such a dork."She reached up and pulled his hair.She looked into his eyes."I love you."She played with his hair.That same curl, even though it was longer, that she played with the first night he ended up in her bed.

 

Harry closed his eyes and sighed.It really was like they had come full circle.He opened his eyes and looked back into hers."I love you, too."He kissed her again and then gently removed her panties.He took off his boxers and laid back over her.His heart was full.He felt a high he hadn't experienced before.She really was his drug.He kissed her slowly, deeply, and passionately.He kneed her legs apart gently and lay between them.He wanted to feel her.He wanted to feel connected to her physically right now.When he felt emotionally connected more than he ever had before.When he broke the kiss, he looked her in the eyes and never broke eye contact as he entered her slowly.He kept that eye contact as he moved slowly.It was a deep feeling.The connection was so deep, so intimate, he swore he felt her in ways he never had before.

 

Julie ran her hands over Harry's shoulders.When he caught her eyes after the kiss and never let go of them, she tried really hard not to look away.She loved him, more than she ever thought her heart capable.This is what she wanted, what she needed.He is what she wanted, what she needed.His heart, his compassion, his kindness, his understanding and patience.She was so very lucky to have found him.To her surprise, it became easier to keep that eye contact.He always said he wanted her to see herself the way he saw her.She almost felt she could.His eyes showed his feelings.They looked so deeply into her and for once it wasn't scary.For once, someone seeing her wasn't sending her into flight mode.For once, she wanted to stay right where she was.She rubbed her hands down his shoulders.They moved slowly together, and she was amazed by the feeling.

 

Harry moved slowly and deeply for a while, she felt amazing around him.The eye contact alone was a turn on to him.He loved that she felt comfortable enough to keep looking him in the eyes.It made everything more intimate.When she groaned and her nails dug a little harder into his shoulders, he started moving faster and deeper.He knew she was coming to her high just like him.The eye contact stayed.After a few more minutes, they both came together.Eyes still looking into each other's. Both trying to catch their breath.He leaned down and kissed her gently as he finished, and he felt her muscles start to relax."Happy Birthday to me."He said laughing.

 

Julie laughed and swatted at his shoulder."Really Harry?Way to ruin the moment."

 

"Nothing could ever ruin this night for me."He said rolling off of her and pulling her to him."This was by far the best birthday present I have ever gotten.It was a night full of everything I could ever ask for.And I so cannot wait for my next birthday."He kissed her head when she laid it on his chest.He pulled the sheet over them.

 

Julie ran her fingers over his tattoos outlining them gently and lazily."It was a pretty incredible night, huh?Happy Birthday. I love you very much."

 

"I love you, too, baby."He kissed her head again.He closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers.Things were incredible right now.He really wished this night didn't have to end.He may not have been looking for love, but there was no doubt he'd found it.She may not believe him, but he needed her.He needed her more than he thought he would.Seeing her laugh and happy was his goal from now on.It's what he wanted more than anything.That intimate feeling continued as they talked and joked together for quite some time.Eventually, they showered, had a late-night snack, and talked, watching the sun come up.They fell asleep on the couch wrapped in each other's arms.There could not have been a more perfect end to his birthday.


	53. Chapter 53

Back in LA, time was moving very quickly for Niall and Amanda.  Niall was getting ready to leave tomorrow night.  It was not something either wanted to address.  They'd had such a wonderful time together the past few days.  Amanda couldn't have been happier.  She knew what Niall had to do, and she knew what she had to do.  Her job was important also.  She'd known what to expect when she'd started dating Niall, but things progressed quickly in their relationship, and the love had come so fast and hard.  She wasn't expecting this kind of connection right away.  Knowing he had to go out on tour and it actually happening were two different feelings.  She was super proud of him.  He was amazing, he loved to perform, and he was very good at it.  He was loved by tons of people from all around the world, yet he came home to her.  He loved her.  She couldn't ask for anything more.  She was still sad though.  Still sad she couldn't physically be with him for at least two months.  They spent most of their time alone together just making the most of what time they had.  Amanda looked up when she heard Niall start strumming his guitar again.  She had listened to him a lot during their time together.  She would never get enough of it.

 

Niall looked at Amanda when she glanced up.  There was a song he knew she loved.  He'd decided to learn it for her.  He wanted her to know that it fit them.  He hoped she recognized it before he even began singing.  He smiled when he saw the knowing look in her eyes.  "You know I'll forever be yours. Faithfully."

 

Amanda's eyes teared up when she realized Niall had learned to play this song for her.  It was one of her favorites.  She never thought it would fit her relationship, but it sure did now.  Her heart swelled with pride when she recognized the song.  She sat and listened as Niall started to sing the song.  A few moments into the song, she started singing along with him, harmonizing with his voice beautifully.

 

They say that the road

Ain't no place to start a family

Right down the line

It's been you and me

And lovin' a music man

Ain't always what it's supposed to be

Oh girl, you stand by me

I'm forever yours, faithfully

 

Niall looked at Amanda.  She had a very pretty voice.  He hadn't known that about her.  He smiled and watched her as they finished singing the song together.  "Princess, how come you've never sung along with me before?"

 

Amanda smiled and shrugged.  "You've got such a beautiful voice, I love hearing you sing."

 

"You sound great to me.  You should sing with me more often.  I could listen to you all day, every day.  Of course, that's in everything.  I hope you know that what the song says is completely true.  I will be yours faithfully.It may not be easy loving me, because I'm away a lot. But I will always be faithful; no matter how far away I am."  He set the guitar aside.

 

Amanda got up and went to Niall.  She knelt down between his legs and put her hands on his knees.  She looked up into his eyes.  "And I am forever yours, faithfully."  She pushed up and kissed him.  She looked back into his eyes as she ran her hands up his thighs.  "I'm yours in every way."  Her hands made their way up to his stomach and under his shirt.  "I'm going to show you, right now."

 

"Oh, I was so hoping."  Niall laughed.  Amanda definitely wasn't shy about showing him her love physically.  He loved every second of it.  Could he let her keep control now though?  He always seemed to lose his patience.  She drove him crazy in every way.  It was difficult to let her tease him so much.  "You're going to ask me to be patient again, aren't you?"

 

"Well I think you may enjoy it."  Amanda laughed and then took his shirt off over his head.  "If you can be just a little more patient than normal."  She stood up and pulled him up by his hands.  "But the plans I have need to be carried out in the bedroom."  She backed up towards her room smiling at him.

 

"Oh, geez.  Sometimes your plans scare me."  Niall said laughing and walking with her.

 

"Well, that's mean."  Amanda said laughing.  She spun him around and pushed him back onto her bed.  "You don't move."  She went over to her dresser and pulled something out and walked back over to him.  "Back up towards the headboard love."  She said standing with her hands behind her back.

 

"Um, what?"  Niall said laughing but slowly backing up towards the headboard.  "You're a little bit scary like this."

 

"Stop telling me I'm scary.  Or it's just going to get worse, my love."  She said as she pulled a scarf from behind her back.  She couldn't help but laugh at his face.  "Oh, come on. I won't hurt you.  But it will keep you from being so impatient."  She climbed onto the bed.

 

"Holy hell, Amanda."  Niall said watching her closely.  "Seriously?  I'm not sure what to think right now.  It's either really, really, hot, or I don't know as much about you as I thought."

 

"Oh, you knew I was capable of this.  Just admit it."  She said running the end of the scarf up his stomach gently and lightly.  She smiled when he jumped at it.

 

Niall watched the scarf and his body actually jumped when it skimmed his stomach.  "Shit!"  He said never taking his eyes from the scarf.  "You're right.  I did."  He tried to sit up.  What he thought was one scarf was actually two.  He watched Amanda separate them.  "Oh, shit.  What are you planning?"

 

Amanda pushed him back down.  "You will see.  Stop being so damn impatient."  She laughed and straddled his waist.  She took one of the scarfs and smirked at Niall.  She took his wrist and very slowly and deliberately tied the scarf to his wrist.

 

"Are you seriously doing this to me?"  Niall laughed but never took his eyes from where she was tying the scarf.

 

"Yes, yes, yes I am."  She said as she took his other wrist and tied the second scarf around it.

 

"Amanda."  Niall groaned.  He never pictured himself tied up like this.  Ok, that was a lie.  He had thought about it.  But seriously, never thought it would happen.  But who better to experience something like this with?  He loved and trusted this girl with his life.  And he definitely was experiencing a lot of new things, new feelings, why not this?  "You're killing me here."

 

"No, Niall, I'm not.  Just be patient.  It's not even torture.  Ok, maybe, but sweet torture."  She took one of his hands and lifted above his head and tied it snuggly to the headboard.

 

"Amanda, I swear."  He took his other hand and tried to run it under her shirt, but she stopped him.  "Oh, come on.  You're wearing too many clothes."

 

"Oh, I will get there.  Patience.  I'm in control.  'Bout time you actually let me keep it."  She took his free hand and lifted it and tied it to the other side of the headboard.  "I'm enjoying this."  She sat back further on his legs and looked him over. "Wow, you're hot."  She slid even further back and undid his button and zipper on his pants.  She bit her lip as she slowly removed them.  She ran her hands back up over his bulge.

 

"Son of a bitch, babe."  Niall tried to take his hands from the headboard, forgetting he was tied.  "Oh, I'm not sure I'm going to like this."

 

"Oh, yes, you are.  Just relax.  Enjoy it."  She ran her hand inside his boxers and put the other on his stomach.  "I can make you enjoy."

 

"Oh, no doubt.  But I want to touch you too."  He lifted his head and looked at her and groaned and laid his head back down.  "Plus, you still have on way too many clothes."

 

Amanda couldn't help but laugh.  "Oh, you are so impatient."  Amanda took her shirt and lifted it over her head and threw it onto the floor.  "Just a bit for now."  She ran her fingers under the elastic of his boxers and slowly pushed them down, setting him free.  She could tell she was turning him on, even if he seemed conflicted about it.  She loved control.  Well, she just loved being with him, but every now and again, control was good.  And let's face it, this was fun.  Staring at her handsome, naked boyfriend laid out in front of her.  Who wouldn't want it?

 

"Ok, I'm impatient.  Fine.  Could you let me loose now?"  He asked, looking at her again.

 

Amanda smirked at the passion in Niall's eyes.  He wanted her badly, but she wasn't going to let him go.  He would enjoy it.  "Just let yourself relax, babe.  Enjoy this.  You won't regret it."  She said.  She reached back and unbuckled her bra and slowly let it drop and slide down her arms, tossing it aside also.  She leaned down and kissed his lips and then down his neck and chest.

 

"Amanda.  Oh god."  Niall said gruffly to her.

 

"Shhh..."  Amanda said running her tongue down his stomach.  When his body tightened up, she smiled.  She was enjoying every second of this.  She wanted him to love it.  She wanted him to remember it.  And she hoped it could happen again.  "I want to make you feel it all, my love."  She whispered as she took him into her mouth.  She teased slowly at first.  She wanted him high.  Wanted him to want it badly.

 

"Fuck!!"  Niall said pushing his head back in the pillow.  His breath caught in his throat for a second.  She was teasing him.  She was being slow and deliberate, and it was driving him mad.  The more he pulled on the scarfs though, the tighter they got.  "Fucking untie me.  I need to touch you."  Dammit!  She didn't even stop.  Not even a second.  "Ahhhh, damn it."

 

Amanda never paused.  She could tell he was enjoying it.  Loving the feeling.  She worked faster when he stopped speaking, and she heard him groan more intensely.  His breathing started to quicken and became more labored.  Oh, she loved the control.  She wasn't going to stop either.  He couldn't stop her.  She could tell he was about done.  His hips were lifting off the bed towards her.

 

"Damn.  Babe.  Geez."  Niall stuttered through.  He pulled harder against the scarfs which dug a bit into his wrists now.  "I want to feel you too."  He sputtered out.  But the feeling.  Oh, the feeling.  He couldn't hold back any longer.  He groaned loudly as he let go.  He didn't want too.  He wanted to be in her.  Be with her.  But that feeling.  She knew what she was doing to him.  "Damn, Amanda."  He said gruffly and quietly as he started to come down.

 

Amanda let him come down slowly and then scooted up towards him.  She leaned over him and gasped a bit as he caught one of her nipples in his mouth.  "Oh, shit."  She grabbed at one of the knots as he sucked and licked her nipple.

 

"Yes, untie me.  It's your turn damn it."  He flexed his hands.  He was now more impatient than ever.  When she got one of his wrists free he immediately grabbed and squeezed her breast.  "You're amazing, but now.  I want you.  I want to touch you."

 

Amanda laughed.  "Yes, I'm working on it.  Did you enjoy yourself?"

 

"Did I....??  Really?"  Niall stared at her.  "You knew what you were doing.  I want more though so get that other tie undone."

 

"Wow.  Listen to you."  She said as the tie finally loosened and he had both hands back.  She barely finished undoing the knot when he grabbed her shoulders, sat up, and kissed her.  Roughly.  His hands frantic over her back.  He then flipped her over and removed her pants and everything else quickly.  This was her goal.  Make him out of control.  It was nice every now and again to see him lose control.  Especially during sex.  She definitely benefited from it.  She watched his hands run up her legs with his eyes on where he wanted to be.  It was her turn to throw her head back when his mouth found its target.  "Oh, shit.  Oh, god damn."  She said as he wasted no time working her up.  His tongue hard and frantic.  She was already struggling to breathe.  She reached down and grabbed his hair with her hands roughly.  "So, good."  She moaned and bit her lips, closing her eyes.

 

Niall had never felt so out of control.  He was ready to go again.  But he wanted her as worked up as she'd gotten him.  He worked hard and could feel her moving underneath him.  He knew she was feeling the high he'd experienced.  The way she moved, the way she moaned, the way he could tell she was enjoying it, brought him right back up.  He was ready again.  He used his mouth and tongue a little more and when he could tell she was close, he moved up and into her, hard and fast.  He slowed down for a second when he heard her gasp.  He groaned and started moving harder when she relaxed some.  When she dug her nails into his back, he couldn't hold back anymore.  He thrust fast and hard.  When she started to clench around him, he was done.  They came together.  Neither stopped moving until they both came down from their high.  He slumped down on top of her.  "Holy shit."  He said trying to catch his breath.

 

"Yeah."  Amanda said panting.  "Holy shit about covers it."  Wow.  She was going to miss everything about him while he was gone.  But they could enjoy each other for another day.  And maybe some more of this also.  She could get through it.  She rolled him off of her and lay down on his chest.  "Oh, I'm going to miss you so much.  Everything.  And this.  I will definitely miss this feeling."

 

Niall chuckled.  "Yeah."  He said as he rubbed her back.  "I think I may miss this quite a bit too.  But, Princess, I think I need a nap."  He laughed and closed his eyes.

 

"Oh, you light weight wimp."  She teased.  "Well, as long as I can sleep in your arms.  I think I may take one too."  She reached up and kissed his chin and settled back next to him.  She felt so lucky.  She loved him so much.  They could definitely make it through.  And seeing each other after all that time together.  Oh, she was looking forward to that.  She smiled and sighed happily as they drifted off to sleep.

 

Back in London, Julie and Harry were just getting finished with a dinner party they'd had at Harry's house.  It was full of laughs, love and fun.  A few of Harry's friends had come and enjoyed a dinner that Julie had cooked.  People had started to slowly leave.  There were only a few left with them.  Julie was standing at the patio doors looking out at the stars.  She turned when she heard someone step up next to her.  She saw Harry's friend Nick.  A popular radio DJ in London.  She smiled up at him as he handed her a drink.  "Thank you.  Hope you enjoyed yourself tonight."

 

"I did.  Dinner was great.  Good Harry found someone who can cook."  He said smiling at her and then looking out over the backyard.

 

"Oh, he does ok himself.  I doubt he needed anyone to cook for him."  Julie said taking a drink and then looking out over the backyard also.

 

"Oh, he's ok.  But, you're better."  Nick laughed.

 

"Thanks."  Julie laughed at him.  "But, I'm sure you didn't come over here to talk about my cooking skills."

 

"No, just Harry's lack of them."  He laughed.  "I did want to say thank you.  Also, you looked a little sad standing here on your own.  Figured since Harry was off talking to a few others I'd come keep you company.  Care to talk about anything?"

 

"Nosey, aren't you?"  Julie asked laughing.  "I'm ok.  Ever since I met Harry things have been, a bit complicated.  They're getting better, but it's still sort of hard to sort through."  She looked up at him and saw the look on his face.  "But you already know that, don't you?"

 

"Harry may have mentioned it.  We talk quite often."  He said.

 

"I'm not surprised you know actually.  I'm sure it's been harder on him than he would let me see.  He doesn't want to make it harder on me.  I'm glad he has friends like you in his life.  I just get quite embarrassed about people knowing about what happened.  About how I let it happen."  She said to him quietly.

 

"Well, I can tell you that no one blames you.  Harry especially doesn't.  I will admit, it probably was harder on him than he let on.  Especially that month you two were apart after your Thanksgiving holiday."  Nick said glancing over at Harry and then back at Julie.

 

"Yeah, I imagine.  That was all on me.  I can't deny the breakdown I had.  I may not be as strong as I've let on.  As strong as some make me out to be."  Julie sighed.  Will there ever be a time she didn't have to talk about her past.  This new openness was hard.  But she was trying.  Especially for Harry. His friends were great, and Nick had treated her extremely kind the whole night.  She knew he was sizing her up.  "Have I passed the test?"

 

Nick laughed.  "Oh, is that what I was doing?"  He shook his head.  "He's happy.  I'd never mess with that.  And if it's you that makes him happy.  Then welcome to the club."  He joked.

 

"I want to make him happy.  Sometimes I wonder how good at it I really am.  But there's no one with a bigger heart than him.  No one as kind as him, and no one near as understanding as him.  If it weren't for him, I would still be hiding in my own little bubble.  Not letting anyone in.  People say I'm strong, and I saved myself.  But if it wasn't for Harry pushing back, holding on, and loving me regardless, I don't think I would be anywhere near the person I am now."  She blinked back tears.  "Doesn't matter what anyone says.  I think he saved me simply by not giving up on me when I was so scared I didn't want to let anyone close."

 

"Ok, you've now passed the test.  Geez."  Nick said as he watched Harry walk up.  He looked at him and clapped his shoulder.  "Yeah, you can keep her.  You have my blessing."

 

"Thanks, Nick."  Harry said.  "But I wasn't asking for your permission."  He laughed as Nick walked away.

 

"Well, what did you say to him?"  Harry said to Julie as he leaned down and kissed her lips.

 

"Just the truth."  Julie said.

 

"Your truth?  Or the truth, truth?"  He teased.

 

"One and the same this time, jerk."  Julie leaned against him.

 

Harry laughed.  "Thank you for tonight.  Everyone loved the dinner.  It was amazing.  And everyone loved you."

 

"I'm a pretty good actress when I need to be."  Julie shrugged.

 

"Shut up."  He said shaking his head at her.  "I mean it.  Thank you."

 

"You don't have to thank me.  I'd do anything for you.  Anything I can.  You want to know what I told Nick?  I told him what I've told you.  If you didn't push back, if you didn't love me regardless of my insecurities, if you would have taken the easy way out and walked away, then I don't know what I would be doing right now.  Same thing I guess I was.  Hiding from everyone."  She said leaning into his chest.

 

He kissed her head.  He'd thought about that.  He did have to push her.  Basically, chase her.  From the very beginning. Sometimes he wondered why he did.  It would have definitely been easier to walk away when someone pushed you away, especially as hard as she did at first.  But he just knew.  Somehow, he just knew there was more to it.  Somehow, he could tell that it was a lot deeper than her just not being interested.  There was no other choice for him.  He wasn't going to question why.  There was a pull.  And now, he loved her.  What better thing could there be than love?  "Well, I'm glad I was the one to do it.  I'm glad you didn't have to go through feeling unloved any longer.  Things started out hard, they got harder, and now they're getting better.  The good has by far outweighed the bad.  I'm just glad you finally started to accept my love."

 

"Eh, I still can't believe it.  But, if it's a dream.  Don't wake me."  She looked up and smiled at him.  When he took her drink from her and set it on the table beside them, she wrinkled her brow at him.  "What are you doing?"

 

He pulled her tightly to him.  "I'm gonna kiss you, and I didn't want you to spill."  He smiled and lifted her off her feet and kissed her.  "I'm going to thank you.  It means a lot to me."  He kissed her again.

 

"You going to put me down?"  Julie said shaking her head and smiling at him.  She wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

"No, not yet."  He said hugging her tightly.  He closed his eyes and buried his face in between her shoulder and her neck.  She left tomorrow.  She got on a plane back to LA tomorrow night and the next day he left on tour.  He didn't realize how hard that was going to hit him.  He'd told her that he needed her.  He did.  He was sure that no one but himself knew quite just how much.  He just wanted her around.  He wanted to be able to come off stage and have her there with him.  He wouldn't ask.  Not now, but he wanted to.  He wanted to be selfish and ask her to quit her job and follow him around the world.  But he couldn't.  He wanted nothing more than to just protect her.  Shield her from all the pain, problems, and demons she was facing. But in the end, she needed to be strong on her own.  He wanted her to stand on her own two feet.  She needed to be able to be strong herself so they were stronger together.  He pulled back and looked at her.  "Let's say goodbye to the rest of our friends.  Then, it's just you and me until you...."  He looked at her as he set her down.  "I can't even say it.  Let's just go say goodbye to our friends."  He took her hand and walked her towards the few remaining guests.


	54. Chapter 54

Niall put his suitcase by the front door and walked back into Amanda's room.  She was still sitting on the bed where he'd left her.  He went and sat next to her.  "Hey Princess, it's just about that time."  He took her hand and held it in his lap.

 

"I know."  Amanda sighed.  "Was hoping for more time, but I know."  She looked at their joined hands.

 

"Two months.  It will go fast.  I'm sure of it."  Niall said kissing her hand.  He didn't actually think that.  He thought for sure it would be the longest two months of his career.  Even though he knew he would be extremely busy, all his downtime would be spent wanting to be with her.  The combination of love and the road was so difficult.  He'd never thought it would be this hard.

 

"Right.  We'll both be busy.  I know I will stay busy."  Amanda said.  She sniffled a little and then looked up at him.  "I'm going to miss you so much."

 

"God, I'm going to miss you, too.  More than I care to admit right now."  He pulled her into his arms.  "I lied completely.  This will be the longest two months of my life.  I just wish you could come.  I wish this was easier."  He buried his face in her shoulder tearing up.  He so did not want to leave.

 

Amanda wrapped her arms around him.  Seeing him struggle with his emotions.  Seeing him want her around so badly actually made her stronger.  Made her want to comfort him and protect him.  Nothing would break them apart.  They were made for each other.  She truly believed it.  She had never felt such a deep connection to anyone ever.  She knew they belonged together, so for some reason, even though she was sad he had to leave and go on tour, she was somehow ok with it.  She somehow knew that no matter how much time passed when they came back together, they would be fine.  "I love you, babe.  That's what makes this ok.  Our love can outlast any tour, any distance, any time."

 

Niall held onto her tightly.  His eyes were filled with tears.  This time it hit him harder than any other time.  They were always apart for so long and then hardly had any time together.  He'd fought the thought of a break from the band the hardest of any of the guys, but maybe it was time to rethink that.  Maybe it was time to get more free time so that he could spend it with Amanda.  He was going to talk to everyone also. They had a scheduled break from April until June to work on their new album, maybe they could spend most of that in LA to write and record.  He could hope.  They usually did some in London and LA; but this time, he was hoping for mostly LA.  He figured Harry would be up for it. Hopefully, the rest would as well.  "I know, Princess, I know."  He sat up and wiped his eyes.  "Sorry, I'm really sorry.  I just wish you could come with me."

 

"I know, Niall.  But I do have work, and I do have JJ.  I'm not quite sure I'm ready to leave her on her own for two months yet.  She still needs someone."  She rubbed his back and kissed him.  "We will be ok.  We will be more than ok."

 

"I know, but Harry wouldn't complain if JJ came along too.  I'm sure he's thought about it also."  Niall said looking at her beautiful face.

 

"I'm sure he has.  But she needs home, she needs stability, and she needs to accept she's capable.  Running around to different countries with the constant chaos wouldn't promote healing.  She needs to heal, Niall.  I need to be here for her."  Amanda hugged him tightly again.

 

"Ok, I know.  You're an amazing friend.  I get it.  I do.  But right now, I hate it."  He pulled back and kissed her again and again.  Then he kissed her deeply.  "I want to be selfish, and I want you to be selfish."  He sighed and then looked at her again.  "But there will come a time, I suppose.  You're right; we are meant to be together.  So, this will be ok.  I'm proud of you.  For everything you do.  For being an amazing nurse who saves lives, who make people feel like they will be ok.  For being an amazing friend to JJ, who needs that more than anything.  And for being such an amazing person to everyone.  I am proud to call you my girlfriend."  He kissed her hand and then her lips.  He had to go.  He was late already.  He was going to have to hurry through the airport.  Lucky he had connections.  He stood up and took her hands, so she stood up with him.  "I love you.  Please take care of yourself.  Call me all the time."  He said as he kissed and hugged her tightly again.

 

"I will.  You can call me at any time too."  She hugged and kissed him a couple more times.  She took his hand and walked him to the door where she couldn't resist another long hug and some more kisses.  "Ok, Ok.  I will make you miss your flight.  The tour will be awesome, Niall.  Enjoy yourself.  I can't wait to hear all about it.Love you."  She kissed him once more.

 

"I love you, too.  And I will try, but it would be much better if you were there with me."  He kissed her and then grabbed his bag.  "See you soon, Princess.  I love you."  He waved when he walked out the door and then turned to go.  This was too hard.  He hated it.  He willed himself to keep walking; he just wanted to turn back around.  He made it out to the car and turned and looked back at the door.  Damn it.  He unwillingly got into the car.  This really sucked.

 

Amanda closed the door and walked to the couch.  She started crying now.  She hated it.  But they would be ok.  She loved him, and she wouldn't change him.  She would be ok.  Now, if JJ would just hurry her ass up and get home so she had a distraction.  Damn it.  Two months.  The longest two months there would ever be!

 

Julie had just finished packing her bags.  Time to go to the airport in a couple hours.  She wasn't ready for this separation.  The past four days had gone by way too fast.  She wasn't ready to leave Harry.  She was starting to feel the panic again.  The panic that disappeared when she was here with him.  She zipped her bag and sighed.  She closed her eyes when she felt Harry's arms wrapping around her waist from behind.  She put her hands on his in front of her.  She couldn't say anything.

 

"I don't want you to go."  Harry said burying his face in her hair.  He took in her scent.  He didn't want her to go.  He wanted her to stay.  He knew he was leaving in the morning on tour.  He knew she had to go home.  But damn it, he didn't want her to.  "I want you to stay.  I want you here.  I want you with me."  He mumbled into her hair.

 

Julie tried to steady her emotions and cleared her throat.  "I don't want to go either, Harry.  That's how it's supposed to be, right?  We shouldn't want to be away from each other.  But, it's how it is."  She was trying to be strong.  Trying to be confident in herself and in them.  But just like in Tahoe, she was having a difficult time with it.  The month in LA had been tough; but as soon as she was back in his arms, she felt relieved.  God, she knew she had to do this for herself.  She knew she had to be strong for her and for them, but she just was so tired of fighting everything.  Being here, in his arms was so simple.  She craved that simple.  "Two months, right?  Piece of cake."  She lied to them both.  It was in no way going to be a piece of cake.

 

"Julie."  He said turning her towards him.  "It's so not a piece of cake."  He held her arms and looked down at her.  He wanted to tell her that he wanted her to come.  He wanted to tell her that he needed her with him.  That HE needed HER.  But he couldn't.  It was almost too much for him to realize that he needed her.  He wasn't afraid of feelings.  He wasn't afraid of love.  He just was caught off guard a bit at how hard this was.  He didn't want to let her go.  Nothing had ever hit him quite this hard, leaving on tour.

 

"I know, Harry."  She reached up and cupped his cheek.  "I know.  I do.  But we're ok now.  We're closer than ever.  We love each other.  We believe in that love, right?  I mean.  We will be ok.  We will talk to each other as much as we can and we will make it."  She sort of shrugged her shoulders.  She couldn't be like she was in Tahoe.  She couldn't let that overwhelming emotion of being without him get to her.  She couldn't break down.  She'd struggled with that breakdown for a while after Tahoe.  He would be back.  She could do this.  She could.  Then why did it feel like she couldn't?

 

"Yes, of course Julie.  But that's not it."  He took a step back and then started to pace the room.  "I don't know why this is so hard.  When we left Tahoe, I actually thought I would see you sooner than this, and it was hard.  Now, I know I'm not going to see you for two months.  That's a long time."

 

"Harry."  Julie stepped up to him and stopped him by grabbing his arms.  She looked up into his eyes.  "I know.  Yes, it's hard.  No, I don't like it.  No, I don't want it to happen.  But it's going to.  No matter how hard we fight it."

 

"Come with me."  He looked down at her.  He hadn't been going to say it.  He wasn't going to ask.  He knew he shouldn't have.  But it came out.  He wanted her with him. Why couldn't he just bring her along?  What was his status if he couldn't have the woman he loved with him?

 

Julie sort of laughed.  "Yeah, right."  She ran her hands down his arms and held onto his hands.

 

"I'm serious.  Why not?  Why shouldn't you?"  He laced his fingers through hers with both hands.

 

"Babe.  I have a job.  I can't just run out on my responsibilities and go on the road with you.  I need to have a routine.  I have to continue to figure things out."  She took a deep breath; it ran through her mind.  Running off with him. Letting him just take care of her.  Why not?  She knew he would.  But she had to be strong on her own as she kept saying.  She had to learn to stand on her own, so she could stand with him.  It was hard. It wasn't what she wanted to say, but she believed she needed to say it.

 

"You can.  You can figure things out with me.  You can be there, and we can do it together.  We can make you stronger; we can be what each other needs."  He said to her.  He wasn't even sure why it seemed so important.  Just the thought of her leaving out of his door in a couple of hours was too much for him right now.

 

"We are what each other needs, Harry."  She took another deep breath.  "Harry, please don't make this harder than it is.  You knew, as I did, that this was how it was going to be.  We knew it would be hard.  We knew you would go on tour, and I would be home, working.  We never discussed me going on tour with you at all."  She was getting antsy now.  This was taking on a whole new turn.  She did not at all expect him to ask her to go with him.  Not out of the blue like this.

 

"I know, and I'm not trying to make it harder."  He leaned his forehead against hers.  "I did know it was coming.  But now that it's here, I just don't want it to.  Four days after a month of not seeing you is just not enough.  It seems like you just got here."

 

"I know, Harry.  I wish it would have worked out differently, but it didn't.  At least, I got to see you before you left on tour.  For a while, I was afraid I wasn't even going to be able to do that."  She kissed his lips.  "Will you just hold me until I have to go?  Please?"

 

"You don't even have to ask."  He wrapped his arms around her waist, picked her up, and carried her to the bed.  He set her on it and crawled up and sat leaning against the headboard.  When she sat back against him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her closely.  "This is where I want you.  This is what I'm going to miss the most when I'm on tour.  This is what I wish could happen after every show."  He kissed her cheek and rested his chin on her shoulder.

 

"I know.  This is the place I feel the safest.  In your arms. No matter where your arms are."  She played with his fingers in front of her.  "Can I ask you a question?"

 

"Yes, of course you can.  Always."  He closed his eyes, once again breathing in her scent.

 

"What did you mean in Tahoe, when you said you discussed a break?"  She asked.  She had wondered since he'd said it.

 

"Oh, just, we talked about taking a break.  We've been on tour and recording albums for, well it will be five albums and five years non-stop after this tour and album.  Some of us more than others feel it may be time to slow down a bit."  He said.  Saying it out loud to her made it all seem that much more real.  But why shouldn't he say it to her.  He trusted her with his life.  He knew she wouldn't say anything.

 

"Wow.  That's....big.  I couldn't even imagine a world without One Direction right now.  Ever since I moved in with Amanda, I haven't been able to get away.  And now, I'm even dating a member.  I mean.  Wow."  She said.  She didn't know what else to say.  She never thought about what would happen if he wasn't out touring or recording or doing promotion.  Would he be around more?  That's what she wanted, right?  But what a change that would be.  More change.  Wow.

 

Harry looked down at her.  She seemed conflicted.  She said she wanted him around more.  Needed him around.  Why would she seem conflicted about that?  He needed her; there was no confliction with him.  He pushed it aside though.  He was worrying about nothing.  He had a tour to do now for most of the year.  There was no need to fret about it.  There wasn't anything to worry about anyway, right?  "You wouldn't like it?  Me not having to run around the world?"  He had to ask.

 

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure I would.  It's just, that's all you've done for years.  It's all I know about you when it comes to the music and your career.  It's just odd to think about for me. I can't even imagine what would be going on with you guys.  All your adult life has been making music non-stop and performing in front of legions of fans.  I can imagine it's a difficult thing to think about."  She looked back at him and kissed his chin.  "But you work really hard. I'm sure a break would be nice.  A bit of downtime."

 

"Yeah, of course.  It's a bit difficult.  But I think it would be good.  I wish it was now though.  I really would love to be here for you while you're going through this."  He kissed her head.

 

Julie looked at the watch on Harry's wrist.  It was just about time for her to go.  She turned around and kneeled in front of him and put her arms on his shoulders.  "Harry, no one has ever been there for me as much as you have.  You don't have to physically be in my presence to be exactly what I need.  I'll be ok.  And when I see you again, I will prove to you that I'm ok."

 

He put his hands on her waist and looked at her face.  He was going to miss that face.  His eyes wandered over her.  And that chest and stomach and legs and...."Damn it."  He kissed her.  Deeply.  Why did it seem like she was ok and he was the one struggling with this?  Why was she so calm about this? Ok, so he didn't really enjoy her emotional breakdown in Tahoe, but he was leaving for longer.  He was going to be gone for two months, and she seemed calm.  Relieved?  Was she relieved he was leaving?  He closed his eyes for a minute.  He was reading too much into this.  This was more her, at least how she was before Tahoe.  Maybe he selfishly wanted her to need him so badly.  He was slightly caught off guard with how much he seemed to need her.  Ok, he needed to slow down.  His brain was on fire trying to run through all the scenarios in his head right now.  What would happen if she no longer needed him so much?

 

"Harry?"  Julie said.  He was so deep in thought, she had just been watching him sit there with his eyes closed for a couple of minutes.  "Babe?  Are you ok?"

 

"Yeah.  Sorry."  He said opening his eyes.  "I just really can't believe you're leaving here in just a few more minutes.  It seems like you just got here."  He hugged her tightly to him.

 

"I know."  She wrapped him tightly in her arms.  "I know.  I wish there was more time.  But I do have to go.  I'm sure the car will be here shortly."  She said squeezing him tighter and then pulling back a little.

 

"I hate every second of this."  He said as she squeezed him.  He didn't want to let her go.  He did so reluctantly.  He watched her get off the bed and go to her bag.  He got up and walked up behind her.  "God, just don't go."

 

She took a deep breath.  He was breaking her heart.  She couldn't deal with this.  She had shut down part of it already to not lose control.  She turned to him and put her hands on his chest.  She looked up into his eyes.  "We will be fine.  There's nothing to worry about."  She was worried though.  Two months, on the road, without her around.  She always had that doubt he wouldn't realize how simple it was when she wasn't around.  But she didn't want to think about that.  She loved him completely.

 

"Right."  He took her bag and her hand and walked her down the stairs to the front door.  He hated it when she hid and didn't show her feelings.  He could tell she was internalizing something.  He hated when she was so calm.

 

"Hey, don't do that."  She said turning to him when they got to the door.  "I love you, Harry, with everything I have.  This is hard.  But we can't change it.  And what am I supposed to do?  Nothing I do can change what this is.  I have to accept that."

 

He closed his eyes and then opened them and looked at her.  "I know. I do.  But I don't want you to go.  And I just wish you didn't either."

 

"I don't want to go Harry.  I just can't go through another Tahoe.  I trust us.  I believe in us.  You make me whole and that won't change while you're off ruling the world.  I love you, very much."  She reached up and kissed him as they heard the car pull into his driveway.  Shit.  She had to walk away.  She didn't want to.  God, she didn't want to.  She pulled back and touched his cheek.  "Go, do what you do best.  Make me proud."  She winked at him.

 

"I would never disappoint you."  He said.  "I love you, Julie."  He ran his thumb over her lips and then kissed her again.  He wanted to say don't go one more time, but he didn't.  "Be safe.  Call me when you land.  God, I love you."  He kissed her one more time.  He opened the door and took her bag to the car.  He watched her go to the open door of the car.  Don't go!  He wanted to scream it but he didn't.  "Please be safe, babe.  Talk to you soon, my love."

 

She smiled as tears formed in her eyes.  "I love you, I'll be safe.  You be safe.  Be you.  Have fun, kick ass."  She winked at him again and got in the car.  When the driver shut the door, she closed her eyes and started to cry.  When the car started to move, she struggled to breathe.  She wanted to tell him to stop.  She wanted to get out and never leave.  Instead, she sat back and cried quietly until they arrived at the airport.

 

Harry watched the car turn onto the street.  He wanted to run after it.  He wanted her to stay.  He'd asked her to stay.  God, what had gotten into him.  He almost didn't recognize himself.  This is how it is Styles.  This is what you do.  It's what you want.  Suck it up.  He turned and went back into his house.  He closed the door and then leaned his back against it.  No, it's not.  He wanted her.  He needed her.  Why couldn't she just stay, damn it?  He slid down and sat on the floor against the door.  April could not come soon enough.


	55. Chapter 55

It was nearing the end of March.  Things were going alright.  The girls were missing their boyfriends.  It was almost time for the tour break though.  They'd been told that the guys would be spending a lot of that in LA.  They couldn't wait.  It had been a busy but long almost two months already.

 

Julie had just hung up the phone and was staring at it.  It was a very odd phone call.  One she wasn't sure she really understood completely.  She took a deep breath and then got up.  The call had woken her up.  She and Amanda had worked the night before.  It was early afternoon.  She had only gotten a few hours of sleep before the phone woke her.  There was no way she was going to be able to sleep now though.  She quietly walked into Amanda's room.  She sat on the edge of the bed and shook Amanda's shoulder gently.  "Hey, Panda.  I need to talk to you.  Let me know when you're awake enough.  I'm going to make some coffee."

 

"Wait.  What?"  Amanda looked at the clock.  "Why are you waking me up already?"

 

"Please, just get up.  I have to talk to you about a phone call I just got, and I need you to be fully functional.  It's important."  Julie got up.  "I will make the coffee strong.  We're going to need it."

 

"JJ, what the hell?!"  Amanda threw the blanket off her and got up.  She was more than curious now.  And she was fully awake.  She went to the bathroom quickly, pulled her hair up and went out to the kitchen counter.  JJ had already had one cup of coffee made and was starting the second.  They drank their coffee differently so the Keurig single cup was the best invention ever.  "Come on, this has to be serious if you're waking me up just after noon."

 

"I know, but I'm still confused myself and struggling to process this."  She slid Amanda's mug in front of her and finished her cup.  She sat down next to Amanda and took a sip and then turned and looked at Amanda.  "I got a strange phone call a bit ago.  You know Zayn and I have talked occasionally since we met.  We just seem to understand each other.  Well, he called me."  She looked at Amanda.  She wasn't quite sure what to say.  It was still an odd phone call to her.

 

"Yeah, I mean I didn't really know how often you talked, but yeah, I knew you talked some."  She wrinkled her brow at her.  "What's going on JJ?  What happened?"

 

Julie took a breath and looked down at her mug cradled between her hands.  "That little break he was taking? Well, it's not just a break.  He's leaving the band.  Permanently.  He just told the rest of the guys.  The announcement is coming out in the next couple of days."

 

"He what?!"  Amanda exclaimed shocked.  "He's leaving One Direction.  For good?  What the hell?"

 

"I don't know. He's been on edge. I knew that, but I never thought he would just leave.  Right after the tour started.  I don't know what he's thinking.  I have no right to question him.  I mean, we're friends, but I don't have a right to tell him not to leave."  Julie said sniffling.

 

"Well, what did you tell him?"  Amanda asked her.  Her head was spinning.  Why hadn't she gotten a call from Niall if he was told?  They had spoken about Zayn taking a break, but not leaving the band.  Did Niall really know that was happening?

 

"I didn't say much.  I was too overwhelmed.  I never saw it coming.  Harry told me that Zayn was taking a break.  But he never hinted at him leaving the band.  I don't know.  Zayn said he called because he wanted me, or us to understand and be there for Niall and Harry.  Said he knew it would probably be a hard time for them.  I tried calling Harry, but I'm not sure what they are doing. He didn't answer."

 

"Yeah, I'm surprised Niall hasn't called me."  She looked over at JJ.  She didn't even have to say anything.

 

"Yeah, we're going.  You call and get us covered with work. I will figure out where they are headed and book us some plane tickets on the soonest flight out.  Pack lightly."  She pulled out her cell phone.  "Looks like we're headed for Indonesia. Thank god we don't have anything on the emergency credit card."  She looked up at Amanda.

 

"Right.  I'm going to pack and make the phone calls.  I'm going to get us covered for as long as I can.  I want to be with him until their break if we can."  Amanda said walking towards her room.

 

"Yeah, me too."  Julie said walking towards her.  She couldn't believe they were rushing off to Indonesia.  But what else could she do?  She needed to be there for Harry.  She needed to be there for him to talk to.  She knew he had others, but she wanted to be that one.  But why wouldn't he answer his phone?  Were they on the plane to Indonesia?  What time was it even over there?  Why hadn't he called as soon as he'd found out?  She just shook her head.  No time to worry about it.  She needed to book those tickets now and pack.  She went online and sorted out the soonest flight out of LAX they could get to.  There weren't many planes traveling in that direction.  If they hurried, they could make one out in a few hours.  It would be cutting it close.  She opened her bag and threw a few things in.  She hoped she'd grabbed everything she would need.  If not she was sure she could get it.  She made sure she had the necessities.  She wasn't sure what else she put in.  Her head was all over the place.  She was shocked.  Zayn calling wasn't a surprise.  They had a friendly relationship.  She'd talked to him on the phone throughout the past six months.  She knew he was struggling with things.  She knew he was having a harder time than the rest of the guys with all of the pressure.  She understood.  He internalized a lot just like she did.  It was nice to have someone who understood that side of her more.  But she'd had no idea he was set to leave the band.  Maybe they weren't that close, but she thought she would've picked up on something.  In her mind, he hadn't done this the right way.  From her perspective, there were better ways his departure could have been handled.

 

Amanda called work and talked to a bunch of her coworkers.  They agreed to work out her and JJ's shifts for them until the second week of April, so 2-3 weeks' worth.  She threw her things in her bag and zipped it up.  Grabbed her bathroom bag and took them out front.  She went to JJ's room and saw her standing there staring at her bag.  "JJ?"  She stepped in.  "Did you get flights?  Work is covered until into April.  Like the second week.  After I explained somewhat what was going on, they were happy to cover."

 

"Yeah, we gotta go, like now.  It's gonna be a rush, but the next flight isn't until later on tonight, and I want to leave as soon as possible. It's almost 24 hours to get there.  I want to make sure we're there before they move on.  They go to South Africa after their show in Indonesia.  I think we'll make it the morning of the show if none of the flights are delayed.  Or we're going to be rushing to find a flight from Indonesia to South Africa.  This time difference makes it difficult."  She grabbed her bag and shut all her lights off.  Amanda called a cab, and then they made sure everything was unplugged and in order, shut all the lights off, and walked out with their bags.  Once they got to the airport, they tried to call the guys again, but neither were answering.  They had to be on the plane.  It was frustrating.  They didn't have much time until they boarded though.  They boarded the plane and shut their phones off.  Well, Julie  guessed they were going to Indonesia without telling their boyfriends.  It was not something she felt she could leave on Harry's voicemail.  They sat back and tried to get some sleep before they landed for their connection.  When they arrived at their connection, they couldn't even try to call the guys.  They had no phone service.  Neither had thought to put international calling on their phones before they left.  No matter what they tried, they could not get a call to go through.  Wonderful.  They seriously would be showing up without being able to contact them at all.  They tried until they boarded their next flight but couldn't get anywhere.  The girls had definitely not planned as well as they thought they had for this trip, but they had been rushed.

 

"Damn it!  Answer your phone."  Harry said as he tried to call Julie again.  He was now getting frustrated.  Her voicemail told him to call her but now she wasn't answering.  He'd been trying for hours.  He looked up when Niall walked in.  "Have you gotten ahold of Amanda?"  He asked him.

 

"No.  Still no answer.  And now it's going straight to voicemail every time I try to call.  I've been trying since we got here last night."  He threw his phone on the table and sat down on the couch next to Harry.  They were now both sitting in Harry's hotel room.

 

"Yeah, same.  What the fuck are they doing?  Fucking would be nice to talk to my girlfriend sometime, especially when I could use her."  He tossed his phone onto the table also.

 

"Yeah.  Bit strange neither one of them is answering their phone."  Niall sighed.  What a mess.  He wasn't quite sure how to deal with this.  He understood in a way, but it was right smack at the beginning of the tour.  Was a bit hard to wrap his head around.  He looked over at Harry.  Harry was pretty sensitive.  Niall knew he was taking it hard, as they all were. But Harry literally wore his heart on his sleeve, and he could tell that Harry was having a harder time with this than he was.  But the girls, seriously, why wouldn't they just answer their phones?

 

"Figures the one time I need her, I can't even get her on the phone.  I swear the more she heals the further away she seems."  Harry said standing up and grabbing his phone.

 

"Wait, what?"  Niall said wrinkling his brow at him.  "You're saying you don't like her healing?  Being stronger?"

 

"No, that's not, I didn't mean...."  Harry just shook his head.  "Whatever. I'm going for a walk.  I can't just sit here."

 

"Harry, just...."  Niall sighed.  Harry walked out the door.  Harry was hard to deal with when he was angry.  Luckily, it didn't happen often.  Niall sat up and rubbed his face and then stood up.  He grabbed his phone and walked to his room.

 

Julie and Amanda were finally in Indonesia riding in a taxi to the hotel.  Fortunately, the guys had shared the details of where they would be staying, so they could make their way to the hotel and, hopefully, get security to let them in without causing too much trouble.  Both of them were exhausted.  They hadn't been able to sleep much on the plane, and they had only a few hours of sleep after working before they left.  The trip was over 28 hours from the time they'd left LA until they'd landed because of their connection being delayed.

 

"Jesus Christ."  Julie said as she sat back.  "This is insane.  I cannot believe how long it took to get here."

 

"I know.  Niall and Harry are lucky we love them."  Amanda said sitting back and fixing her hair.  "I hope we catch them at the hotel."

 

"I don't even know what time it is here right now."  Julie said.  Since they couldn't get their phones to sync internationally, they had no idea what time zone they were even in.  Julie said thank you to the driver when he told him it was only 10 am.  "Well they should be at the hotel for a bit yet.  If we can get there.  I don't even want to think about showing up at the stadium in all that craziness."

 

"Yeah, who would have thought this would be our life?"  Amanda said.  "Dropping everything to hop a plane to Indonesia, to meet our famous boyfriends, to comfort them in their time of need."

 

"Well, Panda, that whole me getting famous thing didn't work out so well.  So, we had to compromise.  Let's just date famous, hot band members instead.  Same benefits, less work."

 

Amanda laughed out loud.  "You're a fucking smartass.  But good god, I love you."  She shook her head.

 

"Yeah, well, I'm not sure how this is going to go.  I'm not the one that usually does the hand holding in this relationship.  What if I fail?"

 

Amanda shook her head.  "You always do that; you're amazing.  You just need to see it."

 

"Yeah, sure, so people keep saying."  She closed her eyes.  This driving in a whole new country thing was confusing her.  The U.K. was bad enough, but this was even stranger.

 

"You're doing so well.  I'm so proud of you.  I never needed you to change, but you're still you; only you seem a lot more open.  It's a great thing, JJ."  Amanda said taking JJ's hand in hers.

 

"Seems like there's more hurt opening up your heart then when you keep it closed."  Julie said.

 

"Of course, but there's also less happiness, less love, less contentment...."  Amanda kept going.

 

"Yes, yes, fine."  Julie interrupted.  "I'm open, Jesus Christ."  Julie said opening her eyes and looking at Amanda.

 

"Oh, Harry's going to be so happy to see the smart assedness is in full force."  Amanda said.  "Hey, can I ask you, how much do you talk to Zayn?  Really.  I mean, I wouldn't expect him to call someone he barely speaks to and tell them this."  She was curious.  She was shocked JJ had received that phone call from Zayn, and not from Harry.

 

"There's nothing with Zayn and I, Amanda.  We talked when we were in Florida quite a bit.  You knew that.  We just seemed to understand each other a little bit more than others.  I knew he was struggling from those conversations. We would text occasionally, and sometimes he would call when he felt no one else understood what he was going through.  But if you're asking if I knew this was coming, I didn't.  I had no clue.  I would have never guessed he would leave after the tour started.  I have my guesses as to why he started the tour in the first place, but they are just guesses.  I don't think he handled this right, but it doesn't matter.  He said he wanted us to be there for Harry and Niall. I don't know why he thought they wouldn't tell us, but the first thing I thought was how do we get to Harry and Niall.  How do we make sure we're there for them when they are probably confused?  I'm sure they knew more than I did, but still.  This is big.  He's one of their best friends."  Julie explained.  She didn't know why she felt the need to explain, but she did.  Maybe part of her figured Harry was going to ask that same question, since she was showing up in another country and hadn't even talked to him yet.  She wasn't purposely keeping anything from him, but she hadn't really shared her conversations with Zayn with him either.  Well, she guessed it was time to deal with that; they were pulling up to the hotel now.

 

They thanked the cab driver, walked into the hotel and asked them to get a security member for the band.  They seemed reluctant but decided to contact one of them anyway.  The girls waited with their bags, when they saw Michael walking up to them.  They waved him over.

 

"Hey, what are you two doing here?  No one said you were coming."  He said as he stopped in front of them.

 

"Yeah, long story.  And our phones haven't worked since we left LA.  Do you think we could get in to see Niall and Harry?"  Amanda said to him.

 

"Yeah, of course.  No way I'm keeping the two of you from them."  He grabbed a bag in each hand.

 

"Um, you're kind, but we could manage."  Julie said.

 

"Oh, no, I would never hear the end of it.  Bags are on me."  He led them to the elevators.  After they reached the floor everyone was staying on, he walked them to Niall's door.  "I'm going to leave you here. Harry's out for a walk, but Niall should be in there."  He looked at them.  "You know?"

 

"Yes, we know."  Julie said.  "That's why we're here."

 

"It's quite a hard time.  Things are hitting them pretty hard, but I'm sure seeing the two of you will make it much easier."  He nodded at the girls and then walked away.

 

Julie looked at Amanda.  "Are you ready for this?"

 

"Yeah, I need to see him."  She looked at Julie.  "Are you?"

 

"Not really, but apparently, I have some more time since Harry's out.  I can just sit here in the hallway and wait, you need to see Niall."  She sat on the floor, back against the wall.

 

Amanda grabbed her arm and pulled her up.  "You are not, don't be ridiculous.  Let's see Niall, and then he can get you into Harry's room to wait if you don't want to wait with us."

 

"Fine, but I would have been fine."  Julie said.

 

"Of course you would have."  Amanda said knocking on Niall's door.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Disclaimer:  The next few chapters deal with some pretty raw emotions.  Things you may or may not agree with written about the characters.  References to real life events play a part but remember, as always, reactions of these characters are complete fiction..... proceed with caution

Niall opened the door and stopped and stared.He was confused; he couldn't even think.Amanda and JJ were standing in front of his door, in a hotel, in fucking Indonesia.What was happening?He shook his head when he heard Amanda talking."Huh?What?"

 

Amanda laughed."I said, can we come in?"

 

"What are you doing here?"Niall said still not moving aside.

 

"Niall, can we come in?"Amanda asked putting her hands on his waist and pushing him back into the room.She kissed him and looked at his face and laughed again."Are you ok?"

 

"Yes, I think.What are you doing here?"He asked again.He was still in shock.

 

"Niall, breathe babe."Amanda said."I will explain, but I kind of need you to hear me, and right now I don't think you would."

 

"Sorry.No, sorry."He grabbed her and hugged her.He was so glad she was here.Everything was crazy.He wanted nothing more than to have her here.He had tried to call her so many times the past day.She wouldn't answer.But why was she here? He'd like to believe she would just come to him, but he was set to go back to LA in less than two weeks. Why would she choose now?Why was she here?Why was JJ here?"What are you doing here?"He held her arms and stepped back.

 

"We know what happened, Niall.We know Zayn left."Amanda said looking up at him with understanding.

 

"You know?How?I've been trying to call you back since we got here.We found out he was leaving and got on a plane to come here.I haven't spoken to you. I know Harry hasn't spoken to JJ.I've talked to him.So how do you know?The announcement isn't supposed to come out until today or tomorrow or something."Niall asked.He was still shocked, still happy, and oh so curious.

 

Amanda looked back at JJ who just stood there looking at the floor."JJ?Wanna tell him?"

 

Julie slowly shook her head.She looked up and took a breath."Zayn called me.Right after you guys were told.He told me what happened and that he had just told you guys.We tried to call you and Harry, but you didn't answer. So, we just hopped the next plane to Indonesia.No big deal."

 

"No big deal?Why didn't you call us again?"Niall said giving them the side eye glance.

 

Amanda couldn't help but laugh at his glare."Well, see, we aren't good at this world traveling thing, and we forgot to add international calling to our plan before we left.Our phones haven't worked since we left LA.We tried to get things hooked up at our connecting airport, but we couldn't do it online and we had no way to call."

 

"Well, I'm glad you're here, but I can't believe you couldn't have left a voicemail or something to tell me.I mean when you don't answer my call for 24 hours, I do get sort of concerned."Niall said looking back at Amanda.

 

"This isn't something you do over voicemail, Niall."Amanda said.

 

Julie interrupted."I'm just gonna go wait for Harry in the hallway.Which room is his, Niall?"

 

"No, don't do that."Niall said."Jesus, there's no need.I will text him and see where he is."He pulled out his phone and sent Harry a message.He almost immediately got a response back."He just got back to his room.His room's at the end of the hall on the right.Do you want me to tell him you're coming?"

 

"No, I will take care of it."Julie said.She was nervous.She was concerned how Harry was going to be, how he was going to react.If Niall was this upset about Amanda not calling him and telling him, then how would Harry be?And now that he was probably more upset with Zayn, how would he take to the fact that was how she found out?"Be easy on her, Niall, we just wanted to be here for you guys when we found out.That's all."She grabbed her bag and walked out.

 

"JJ, Harry's having a harder time than the rest of us grasping all of this.Just to warn you."Niall said watching her go out.After he heard her say they just wanted to be here he turned to Amanda."I get that."He said looking at her."I get that's all you wanted to do.But I'm still a bit upset that you couldn't have even left me a message.All I got was a 'call me when you can', and that was it.I was worried."Niall said walking to grab a bottle of water.

 

"I understand, but, Niall, we didn't expect our phones not to work when we landed.We expected to be able to call you before we got on the connecting flight.All I thought about was you, and how you would be feeling, and how I just wanted to be here for you.I didn't think about anything other than getting here.JJ was the same way.So, I covered our shifts at work, and JJ got us tickets on the first flight out and we left.We called at the airport and neither of you answered, and we didn't think that this was something we should just leave on a voicemail.I'm sorry you're upset.But I'd do it all over again to be here."She said as she walked up behind him.She wrapped her arms around his waist."I love you. I want to be here with you through this.I can stay with you through the end of this leg.We can go back together if you want."She said quietly leaning her head onto the back of his neck.

 

Niall took a deep breath.He was glad she was here.He wished it had been different.He wished he would have known, but she was here.She'd dropped everything to be here for him, because she thought he needed her.He did need her.This was all so confusing.And he felt like he'd lost a brother.Maybe the hurt would dissipate after a while, but for now, he felt lost.He set the bottle down and turned around quickly and pulled her into his arms.He nuzzled his face in her neck.He held her tightly around the waist, and he started to cry.He felt with her here that he could let it all out.He felt a little less lost, a little more at home.She was what he needed.He also needed to let it out.Thank god she was here.

 

Amanda wrapped her arms around Niall's shoulders and held him.He broke down.She understood.This was why she wanted to be here.She couldn't imagine how he was feeling.She didn't talk to Zayn much, but him leaving was a shock to her. She couldn't even imagine the shock Niall was feeling."Let me just hold you. Come on, we'll lie down."She was tired, and he sure looked tired.Maybe they would rest better now that they were here together.They could talk later.They now had lots of time.

 

Julie walked down the hall slowly.She wanted nothing more than to be here, but she also knew Harry was going to be miserable.She'd seen him lose his temper just once, and barely.And he had been angry at her, but only over the phone when she came back from her treatment. It took a lot, but when he was angry, he was angry.She was hoping he would just let her be there for him.She knocked on the door.When she heard a muffled, 'go away', she knocked again.She heard hard steps towards the door and watched it fling open.It caught her a bit off guard."Hi."She managed to say.

 

"What the fuck do you want?"He asked before his eyes focused on her."What are you doing here?"What was she doing here?How did she get here?In Indonesia, and why would she come? He hadn't even had a chance to call her and tell her what was happening."Why would you just show up here?"

 

"I will explain, but can I come in?"She looked back down the hallway.She didn't really want to do this with an audience, and there were always security members in the hall.

 

"Yeah, whatever."He said stepping back and letting her in, turning on his heel and walking back into the room without even shutting the door.

 

Yeah, he was angry.Now to determine exactly why he was angry.She put her bag down by the door and shut it.She walked up behind him and put her hand on his hip.When he stiffened up and stepped away, she stepped back.She didn't know what to say.She wasn't sure what to do when he was seething with anger.

 

"Why didn't you answer your phone?You leave me a voice message to call you and then you don't answer.And then you just show up here?You couldn't have left a message that said, 'hey I'm on my way'."He walked around the couch and leaned on the back, leaving her standing in the middle of the room."And why would you come?Why now?"He had gotten suspicious.

 

"I, I wanted to be here for you."She stuttered.She wasn't good dealing with anger.She was determined, but this was the point where in her past, things had gotten very messy.She stood up straighter.

 

"How did you know I would need you, Julie?You come all the way to Indonesia when we're about to be on break.Why?"He looked at her."Tell me."

 

She tilted her head and looked at him."Zayn called and told me."She started to explain.

 

"He called you to tell you he's leaving the band?!"He stood up pushing himself aggressively from the couch."Why the fuck would he call MY girlfriend and tell her he's leaving the band?Talk to him often, do you?"

 

"No, Harry, not often.We talk occasionally.We always have.I'm pretty sure you knew we were friends."She said quietly to him.She could see his muscles clenching through his t-shirt.He was fighting with himself over something.

 

"Friends?Really?And not often, but he decided to call you and tell you?"He stepped towards her."You need to do a better job at explaining this to me.Because I've been calling you for 24 hours and haven't been able to reach you.My own girlfriend, but he calls and doesn't seem to have a problem."He stopped when she took a step back."And when the fuck, are you going to realize that I would never hurt you?!Stop fucking cowering."

 

"I know you won't hurt me."She stopped stepping backwards.She hadn't even realized she was doing it.It was a reflex.She uncrossed her arms after realizing they were tightly crossed over her chest.She was instinctively protecting herself.She hadn't even realized it.

 

"Well, doesn't seem like it.Backing away from me like I'm going to do something.I'm not your fucking ex.Someday you might actually realize that."He stared at her.

 

She took a deep breath.He was angry.She got it, but by damn, if he needed to speak to her like that.He should know she didn't always have control over her instincts."Yeah, well maybe if you would calm down a little, it wouldn't be so intimidating.You standing there, swearing and practically screaming at me. It doesn't exactly make me feel safe and secure."

 

"I would never fucking hurt you!No matter how angry I am!"He crossed his arms this time, tightly.He squeezed his hands into fists.He wanted to break something, but she seriously was standing there shaking.She was trying not to, but she was.He hated it."Now, explain why you haven't had the time in the past 24 hours to call me and tell me you knew and were coming."

 

"After I got off the phone with Zayn," she started.She watched him cringe when she said it, but she had to continue."I woke Amanda and told her.We tried calling you and Niall, but no one answered.We teamed up, and she covered work for us both, and I booked us on the next flight here.We got to the airport and tried calling again; that's when we left the messages to call us.We hoped you would call before we boarded.You didn't.We shut our phones off, and when we were waiting for our connecting flight, we turned them on to try and call you again and realized neither of us updated to international calling before we left.We couldn't even text.We tried to update it online, but the wi-fi wouldn't work.So, we had no way of getting ahold of you.And we just wanted to get here."

 

"Well you could have just left me a fucking voice message saying I'm on my way!!"He practically screamed at her."Would it have been that fucking hard?!"

 

"First, will you stop fucking yelling and swearing at me?I mean seriously.Think maybe you may be overreacting a little bit?I'm standing in Indonesia FOR YOU for Christ's sake."She was annoyed.Seriously, she understood he was angry, but this was a lot more intense than she expected.

 

"Overreacting?Zayn just left the band in the middle of the tour, and I can't get ahold of the girl who swears she loves me for over 24 hours, and then I find out that Zayn calls YOU and tells YOU.I can't figure out why he would call YOU in the first place!Something I should know about?"He clenched and unclenched his fists, arms still tightly crossed.Every muscle in his body was tense with rage.

 

"Don't be ridiculous.It was a phone call, Harry.He said we should know."She still couldn't go towards him.She was trying to read him.She wanted to go to him.That's all she wanted.She came to comfort him, and she just wanted to hold him.It wasn't the time yet though.He was worked up.More worked up than she had ever seen him."We've talked every now and again when he felt overwhelmed and like no one understood what was going on with him."She saw his eyes grow dark with anger.She shouldn't have said that.

 

"So, MY girlfriend understands him?!He calls MY girlfriend when he needs some comforting?!How the fuck can you not see a problem with that?"He glared at her.His breathing was becoming rapid.He was struggling with this and right now she was here.She was the one who was getting all his anger.It probably wasn't right, but he couldn't seem to help it.

 

"Because IT IS NOTHING!"She raised her own voice."We talked about things that we just seemed to understand about each other!You USED to encourage that.You USED to be the one who knew he was struggling more than the rest of you.You NEVER had a problem with me speaking to him."She said.This was getting way out of hand.

 

"When I was there!!Why would he think to call you AFTER he fucking walks away from US!From the band, from his so-called brothers?!At that point don't you think maybe MY girlfriend is OFF LIMITS!"He screamed at her.He reached over and grabbed a vase from the table and whipped it at the opposite wall.It shattered and he took a few deep breaths.

 

"We're friends!!Jesus, Harry, he said maybe we could help YOU AND NIALL!"She said to him.

 

"Oh, he did, did he??So, he fucking walks away and thinks he then knows how to make it better for me?For us??? Fuck him!And your friendship with him better be over now!!If you think it's ok to continue to talk to him now, you have another thing coming!"He clenched his fists again.

 

"Wow.This is insane.It was one phone call, Harry.He told me what happened. He said he had just told you guys.And that was it. I got home from work, got woken up three hours later with his phone call, we hopped on an airplane and came here.We haven't slept for almost three fucking days.All I wanted to do was be here for YOU."She tried to stay steady.Stay strong.But he was pissing her off.He was so out of control, and Harry had almost always been in control around her except for the one time in Florida, and that was NOTHING compared to this.

 

"Apparently, it hasn't just been ONE phone call, has it Julie?Apparently, you've been talking to him on the down low since when?The night we met?If it's nothing then why didn't I know about it?"Harry said stepping towards her again.

 

"I never hid it!It's never been a big deal, a few conversations here and there.It wasn't meant to be a secret!"She stepped back again her voice still raised.She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself."You know what, maybe you should calm down and then we can finish this.I don't know how to deal with this."She went to open the door."I'm going to see how Amanda and Niall are."

 

He quickly moved to her and took her arm.He turned her and pushed her against the wall and looked down at her."You will NOT walk out on me right now.I mean it; you walk out that door and you can just keep on walking."

 

She cringed and turned her head as he moved so quickly and closed her eyes when her back hit the wall.It took her a minute, but then she remembered where she was, who she was with.She straightened up and looked him square in the eye.Harry would NEVER hurt her, and she knew that.He didn't have it in him."Are you done yet?Because if you are, all I want to do is hold you.I didn't come here for anything other than to be here for YOU.To comfort YOU, to hold YOU, because I love YOU."She emphasized to him.She was still annoyed at his reaction, but all she wanted was to be here for him.

 

Harry bit his lip when he saw her reaction to him pushing her against the wall.He shouldn't have done it.He should have known better.He was about to say something, when she surprised him by looking him straight in the eye.She was stronger.She was here.When she said those words, his anger turned to pain.He dropped to his knees in front of her and grabbed her waist.He buried his head in her chest and held her tightly.All of this was too much.He didn't know why his anger came so quickly and so hard.He still didn't understand any of this.He still wanted more answers, more understanding.But he wanted her here.That was the whole point.He started out angry when he couldn't get ahold of her when he wanted her, when he needed her; and now she was here, and he was angry still."I hate this."He mumbled into her."I fucking hate this."When he felt her drop to her knees in front of him, he looked at her face.He'd missed that face.

 

"I know."After she fell to her knees, she put her hands on his cheeks."I know, you do.But I'm here.It's the only place I want to be."She kissed his lips and then his forehead."It's not ok, but I will be here for you through whatever you need."She stood up slowly and helped him up."I'm going to clean up the glass from the vase, and then I'm going to hold you whether you like it or not."She walked him to the couch and sat him down.She went and cleaned up the vase, and when she was done, she saw him sitting on the couch, head in his hands.She climbed onto the couch against the corner and pulled him back to her."Let me be here for you now.It's all I want, Harry."She kissed his head when he lay back against her chest.She wrapped her arms around him and held him.She didn't speak; she didn't force him to speak. She just wanted him to know that she was here for him.They could talk when he was ready.


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Disclaimer...another emotion filled chapter. And this one is definitely for a mature audience. Please leave your comments as you wish!

Julie and Amanda were waiting backstage in one the dressing rooms.They had all fallen asleep earlier, and both couples were woken up to banging on the doors.There had really been no time to speak since their meetings that morning.Julie was still exhausted.She didn't even know what day it was.She slept some with Harry, but he was still so tense that she had a hard time completely relaxing.When he got up, he had been nonstop.Shower, leave, interviews, and now almost show time.Niall had made sure the girls got international calling on their plans as soon as he could.There was no way he was going through that trauma again.Julie sighed and leaned her head back against the couch.She opened her eyes and took the coffee when Amanda handed it to her.

 

"Thank god.I'm SO tired.Thank god for good coffee."Amanda said sitting next to JJ again."You're not ok, are you?"She asked turning towards her.

 

"I'm ok.But Harry's reaction was a lot stronger than I ever anticipated.He's extremely angry.And he's mostly angry at me because I spoke to Zayn.I'm not quite sure why.I think he's having a bunch of misplaced anger.I don't get why he's so angry about that."She took a sip of her coffee.

 

"You don't get why?He's angry at Zayn.He's hurt by Zayn, and he's JEALOUS, JJ.You have to see that."Amanda said.

 

"Jealous?Of what?Why would he be jealous?"Julie asked looking over at Amanda.

 

"Remember Kendall, JJ?Remember how you felt when he was seen with her in Paris?"Amanda asked her.

 

"Of course, I do. Thanks for reminding me.But that is NOT the same as this.I never had ANYTHING going on with Zayn.I spoke to him a few times.I never had a relationship with him."Julie said shaking her head.

 

"JJ.Ok, remember Florida, and the meet and greet photos.Jealously isn't rational, but he's jealous.Trust me."Amanda said confidently.

 

"You're insane."Julie said.She watched Harry and Niall walk in.Harry wouldn't even look at her.This wasn't over.She took a deep breath.She watched Amanda and Niall hug and kiss before Niall got ready to go on stage.She stood up, but Harry just turned and walked out the door.She just shook her head and sat back on the couch.She stayed there for the entire show.No matter how many times Amanda tried to persuade her into watching.She just wasn't in the mood.After the show, they were leaving immediately to go to South Africa.She was wondering if Harry, at this point, would even let her on the plane.

 

Amanda watched Harry and JJ after the show as they were walking to the cars to go to the airport.She didn't like his behavior one bit.Harry had barely spoke to Julie, and when he did, it was short.Things like, 'let's go', 'get in', 'hurry up'.Amanda wanted to say something so bad.Even when they were sitting in the car.Harry either was looking at his phone or out the window.JJ wouldn't say a word.But every time Amanda tried to speak up, Niall would pull on her hand and just shake his head at her.He said quietly to her, 'it's not the time'.But it was the time.Someone needed to say something.Harry was being an ass.Like more so than she'd imagined.She didn't like seeing JJ just sit back and take it either.She imagined that's exactly how it was in Julie's past. She wished Harry would realize it too.She knew Harry was nothing like Johnny, but this was just so hard to watch and remain quiet.It was not in her nature to remain silent.When they got to the airport, Harry just got out of the car and didn't even wait for Julie. Oh, she was in complete Mama Bear mode right now but was advised not to say anything.

 

The plane had reached its cruising altitude, and Julie got up.She went and got a bottle of water for herself and one for Harry.When she went to hand it to him, he wouldn't even take it.She fought back her tears and went and sat by herself further back in the plane.She stared out the window at nothing but darkness.She needed to deal with him, and she would.But she had to do it when they were alone.She absolutely got the misplaced anger.She had gone through it for years.Angry at herself and everyone else, but not enough at the person who caused the pain in the first place.She had put some of that displaced anger on Harry, especially in the beginning of their relationship.She could take it for him.Be the one who understood what he was going through.Yet she needed to stand up to him also.Let him know he couldn't take advantage of her either.

 

Amanda watched the interaction.She would try to remain calm, but she had to say something."Harry," Amanda said quietly to him."Don't you think maybe you're being a bit hard on JJ?I can tell you that all she worried about was getting here to you.Does it really matter how she found out?"

 

"Stay out of it Amanda.We can work through it on our own."Harry said standing up.He looked back at Julie sitting staring out of the window.He was angry.At everything.He couldn't separate it right now.Part of his heart was breaking.Maybe Amanda was right, maybe he was being a bit hard on her.But just the thought of her and Zayn.....He shook his head and went towards the front of the plane.He sat alone and tried to sort through everything. He'd always taken things harder than the other guys. He knew Louis, Liam and Niall were hurting too. But they handled it differently than he did. He was so glad Louis and Liam were on the other plane. He just couldn't have dealt with them. He could barely deal with anyone. He felt this hole in his heart and he just didn't know what to do about it. It hurt so much.

 

Niall sighed."Amanda, I don't like it either.But it's best not to poke a bear when it's already angry."

 

"He needs to suck it up, Niall, because I won't stay quiet much longer.I won't watch her let him walk all over her.She has someone to stick up for her now.I won't watch her go backwards."Amanda said crossing her arms and leaning back against the seat.

 

The drive to the hotel from the airport in South Africa was just as tense.Same type of shortness.JJ still hadn't said a word to him, and just let him speak to her like that.Amanda was annoyed, but again Niall just kept stopping her, telling her it wasn't the time.Oh, she was having such a hard time biting her tongue right now.

 

When they walked into the hotel, Amanda got even more annoyed.Harry really was treating JJ with so much disrespect, she could barely take it.She grabbed JJ's arm and stopped her in front of her and Niall's door."JJ, you can stay with us.You don't have to deal with that.I get he's angry, but he's really being quite mean."

 

"I told you to stay out of it Amanda."Harry said.He took Julie's bag from her."She will be fine."He took her bag and walked to his door, opened it and waited.

 

Julie stopped Amanda before she could say anything else and quietly said to her,"It will be fine.Apparently, we have to have this out some more anyway.There's nothing I can do to change it.If I need to, I will come knock on the door.He's having a hard time right now.He can't separate everything.I've been there.I know what he's going through.He's got so much inside, he doesn't know which way to go.How to control anything.Feeling out of control of everything is a tough feeling.We'll be fine.No matter what, I know that he would never hurt me.That's all I need to remember.''She walked towards Harry's room as Niall and Amanda walked into their room.

 

Niall closed the door behind him and Amanda."Oh, come on, you can't be mad at me."

 

"I'm mad at the situation, Niall.JJ wasn't saying a thing to him, and he is treating her horribly.I hate seeing her take it.I imagine her taking it is how she was with her ex bastard.I won't let her be treated like that.She has me now.By god, even if it is Harry, I won't let him walk all over her."Amanda said turning and looking at him.

 

"I know."Niall walked up to her and kissed her."But JJ doesn't seem scared. She just seems patient.I have faith in her.She can deal with him.And you know Harry would never physically hurt her.Ever."

 

"Yes, I know he wouldn't.But it bothers me a lot."Amanda said leaning her head on his shoulder.

 

Julie walked past Harry, into the room, and to the couch.She was just going to go to sleep.She sat down and took off her shoes.She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and laid it out.

 

"What are you doing?"He asked her setting their bags down.

 

"Oh, are we talking now?"She asked straightening the blanket."I'm going to sleep.At least, I hope I am."

 

"You're not sleeping on the couch.Don't be ridiculous."He shook his head and took her bags to the bedroom part of the suite.

 

She just shook her head."Don't be ridiculous?You haven't spoken to me in a complete sentence since we left the hotel in Jakarta.And when you were, you were almost screaming them at me."

 

"Oh, for fucks sake."He said walking back out by her."I was busy."

 

"Right.You were too busy on the airplane.You had no choice but to ignore me completely."She shook her head again and sat on the couch pulling the blanket up around her.She looked up quickly when he pulled the blanket off of her.

 

"I said, you're not sleeping on the couch.You want to go to bed, let's go."He said folding the blanket up.

 

"Harry, I think you should just give me the blanket back."She said.She was trying to remain calm.She was trying to let him get over things, or come to terms with things how he wanted.That's what she needed to do, but she wasn't going to just sit back and let him continue to walk all over her either.

 

"I said no.You don't need to sleep on the fucking couch."He stood over her and looked down at her.

 

"You know what, I've had enough."She said standing up."You want to be angry, fine. I get it.So be angry.But don't think you can take it all out on me.Zayn called me; it's a fact.Get over it.He was your friend at one point.How the fuck should I have known before I answered the call that he was going to tell me he'd left the band?I had no clue.And I'm sorry I didn't foresee everything before I jumped on a plane to be here for YOU.I didn't know you would flip out because I didn't leave a message saying I was coming.I was in a hurry.Yeah, ok so I wasn't smart enough to remember to add international calling on my phone.When we were in London and Paris, don't you remember we added it on temporarily?I didn't want to pay for it when I was at home.I never thought I'd be hopping a plane to Indonesia all of a sudden.You want to make something up in your head that tells you I had something going on with Zayn, who's fucking engaged Harry, that's your issue not mine."She grabbed her bag and walked towards the door."When you come to your senses, maybe you should call me.I'm going to see Niall and Amanda, and I'm booking a flight home tomorrow.You don't want me here for you then who the fuck am I to force myself on you."She put her hand on the door and before she knew it, the bag was being pulled from her shoulder, and she was being spun around to face him.

 

"I told you that if you walk out that door then you can keep walking, and I still mean it."He held onto her biceps.He loosened his grip when he realized he may have been holding her a little too tightly.

 

She looked directly in his eyes."If you're going to end this over some ridiculous notion that I'm sneaking around with Zayn, then that's on you.Not on me.If I was, then would I be here?Putting up with this bullshit? Doubtful."She was angry now.

 

"So, you're going to walk away now, go to Bradford, maybe see if he needs some comforting?"He spat those words at her.

 

"Yeah, jackass, exactly.You can let me go now."She said pulling her arms away from him."Who knew you could act like such a child."She grabbed the door handle again.Before she knew it, her back was against the wall again, and his lips were aggressively against hers.She pushed him away at his stomach, but he wouldn't budge.Every muscle in his body was tense and tight.He was strong.She tried to push him away again, but he grabbed her hands and pinned them to the wall.

 

He couldn't help it.He had so much built up passion, tension and anger inside him.His body just took over.He was tired of fighting.He was tired of words.He pushed her up against the wall and kissed her.Roughly.Aggressively.When she tried to push him away, he grabbed her hands and pressed them against the wall.She was his.It sounded ridiculous, but she was.He wanted that confirmation.Yes, he had been an ass since she'd arrived.He knew it.Everyone knew it.She'd taken it really well, until tonight.She wasn't going to be passive.He thought she was.She wasn't.He was shocked when she bit his lip.He pulled back a little and looked down at her.She had her jaw clenched, and he couldn't quite tell what she was thinking.He stared at her for a minute before he grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head.He would stop if she wanted him to.But he didn't want to.He waited a minute for confirmation to continue, but she just stood there.She was conflicted.He could see it.She wanted it, but she didn't want to give in.He took his hand and grabbed her by the neck pulling her to him and kissed her again.He felt her hands push him away by the stomach again and pulled back slightly.He couldn't force her.He just wanted something to grasp.Something to hold onto.Something he knew he was able to control.He could show her pleasure.He knew he could.

 

She didn't know what to do when he kissed her like that.When he took her shirt off so aggressively.Part of her head told her she should leave, now.He wasn't treating her right, and he needed to get over himself enough to speak to her rationally.She looked into his eyes.She could almost see the pain.See the struggle.She didn't think she could read him, but she could.Just like she'd told Amanda, he felt he had no control.He felt he was losing everything around him.Everything looked worse than it was.She could let him control this.She knew personally how just a little grasp of control could change a whole outlook.She didn't realize how hot the fiery passion was until now.The aggressiveness alone should scare her.But it didn't.No one ever looked at her before like they wanted to devour her, but that's what he was doing.It was addicting.They weren't getting along at all right now.This wouldn't fix anything, but she could do this for him.She could give him a little grasp of having some control right now.And she knew she would enjoy the feeling.He never disappointed her pleasure senses.

 

Should he just do what he wanted?He knew what he wanted to do.But should he?Would it be too much?She was beautiful, and the fiery passion she had always turned him on.He also wanted her to know that there wasn't anything to be scared of, with a bit of aggressive back and forth in the bedroom.He pushed her back up against the wall and removed his own shirt over his head.He threw his shirt aside and ran his hand over her breast which was still covered by her bra.He reached around and unclasped it.She watched him but just let him go.He threw it aside and kissed down her chest and down her stomach.He got on his knees and kissed the zipper on her jeans, indicating what he was going to start with.He felt her stomach clench when she realized what he was going to do.When he started to undo the button and zipper with his hands, he looked up at her face.She shook her head no, but he nodded yes.He slid her jeans and panties down and teased her with his fingers.He was going to take her a couple of different ways tonight, and he hoped she enjoyed it as much as he was going to.He watched his fingers tease her and, he let out a groan when his mouth went where his fingers had just been.

 

She watched him go to his knees in front of her.Her eyes widened when he kissed her zipper.She knew immediately what he was going to do.She would never get used to it.She shook her head no, but instead of agreeing, he just nodded his head yes.Oh, shit.She knew it would feel amazing.Not like it happened a lot, but when it did.Oh Jesus.She felt his fingers run over her, and she clenched just at that.After his mouth found her a few moments later, she moaned in pleasure.Her eyes closed and her head lay back against the wall.His mouth and then his tongue felt amazing.Her head fell forward as her hips moved in rhythm with his tongue as her moans matched her pleasure.Her body was already aching for release, but the feeling.Oh, she wanted the feeling to last.His tongue picked up the pace, and she felt his fingers moving inside her.The feeling was almost overwhelming.She wasn't normally vocal during sex, but she couldn't help it."Oh, god.Oh, god." Wasn't much but her body was clenching and trembling.She put her hand in his hair to try and stop him.She was going to orgasm.She was so high.He was aggressive with both his tongue and his fingers.She wanted to tell him to stop, that she was ready, but she couldn't get out any words.She orgasmed fast, and hard.Her body clenching so hard, but he just kept moving his tongue.She was so sensitive when she started to come down that she had to stop him."Stop, god please."Her hand was still in his hair, and she pulled it aggressively so he had no choice but to pull back.Pleasurable pain had a new meaning to her now. 

 

He sat back on his feet as she pulled on his hair and his eyes wandered up her body.Her stomach was still clenching; her chest was moving rapidly up and down.Her face still twisted in pleasure.That's what he wanted to show her.She wasn't even fully removed from her jeans and panties yet; so he stood up, put his foot on them and lifted her by the waist pushing her against the wall as her feet came out of her jeans and her legs wrapped around his waist instinctively.He held her against the wall while he unbuttoned and slid his jeans and boxers down past his knees and moved her legs so he could shove into her.He put one hand on her hip to help her stay in place and placed one hand on the wall and thrust hard and slow.Her back hit the wall with every thrust.He grunted every thrust and felt his fingers dig further into her hip trying to get as deep into her as he could.He felt her nails dig into his back as she held tighter.He was hitting her hard.It felt amazing.He opened his eyes and watched her face.She had taken one of her hands and tangled it in his hair again, and it pulled every time he moved.Somehow it was hot.The more her hand tangled in his hair, the faster he thrust.He felt her core start to clench around him again, and he was on a high.How many times could he get her to orgasm?The more the better.He wasn't done yet.After he felt her orgasm slow, he kissed her roughly again.He pulled out from her and let her feet down but never let her go.He kissed her again biting her lip and spun her towards the bedroom.His hands frantically running over her body.

 

She couldn't believe what her body was doing.Everything he did made her feel high and incredible.She'd had two orgasms, and he wasn't even done yet.Jesus Christ.When he let her down and spun her around and she felt his hands all over her body, she kissed him.They started a tongue fight and tried to make their way to the bedroom.They kept knocking into things and causing things to fall off tables.After the room looked like a tornado hit it, they finally made their way to the bed.His knees hit the bed, and it made him sit on it.She watched as his hands and his eyes roamed her body.Those same eyes that were dark with anger before were now dark with passion.He bit his bottom lip and then scooted back onto the bed pulling her with him.She felt him lift her up and place her so she was straddling his waist.

 

They'd had great sex.But this was the best they'd ever had.As aggressive as he was, she'd not once seemed afraid.She seemed to enjoy it.He was high on that fact.He wanted her on top.He wanted to release watching her ride him.He lifted her and had her straddle him and then he lifted her again to enter her.He placed his hands on her hips and watched her move herself over him.She may have been uncomfortable with it, but he loved watching her body.The way her muscles moved as she moved around on him, the way her eyes closed and her hand rested on his stomach.He bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes after a few moments.When he felt her hands on his knees, he opened them.She was leaning backwards and still moving.She was more comfortable with him every time and watching her be this open was hot.He took one hand and started rubbing over her while she moved.He knew it would help bring her to yet another orgasm.He was going to finish this time, so he wanted her to have one more.

 

She had figured this was about control for him.He didn't feel control over anything right now, so he could in sex.In making her high.She wasn't complaining though.Jesus, he'd already made her body go crazy twice tonight, and she was working her way to her third.When his fingers found her, and rubbed her where they were connected she thought she was going to lose it.She lost her control.She groaned and moved faster, his fingers rubbing faster as she moved.She started trembling and then clenching and orgasmed again.He kept rubbing until once again, she had to stop him.A few more movements, and she felt him clench up and drop his chin to his chest as he released.She watched him try to catch his breath as she tried to catch hers.Holy fuck.Literally.That was amazing.She watched him lay his head back on the pillow and close his eyes.She climbed off of him and sat on the edge of the bed.When she looked back at him, he hadn't moved.She didn't know where they were at, or if they would make it, but she had just had the best and most intense sex she had ever had.But where did that leave them?She got up, grabbed her clothes and her bag and went in to shower.

 

He lay back with his eyes closed.That had been incredible.He had never let that side out with her before.He was sure it would scare her.But after she stood up to him, after she never backed down, he figured she could handle it.He was right.It was amazing.He felt her get off him, but he never opened his eyes.He felt her get up, and he still just lay there with his eyes closed.He was acting possessive.He was acting jealous.He needed to get that under control.He wouldn't let her leave though.He wanted her.He would find a way to get over it.If he could ever move again.She was in the shower.Naked.And wet.He needed to clean up too.He grinned and then got up.Maybe he had just a little more left to give tonight.Save water. Shower together.He thought as he walked into the bathroom and straight into the shower with her.He was going to show her some more.He was surprised at the push back he got in the shower.When he stepped in, she took control.She pushed him up against the wall.They got clean eventually.But not before both experienced some additional pleasure from each other.


	58. Chapter 58

The next morning, Amanda and Niall were sitting in the banquet room where they had set up a buffet breakfast for the band and everyone traveling with them.Niall looked over at Amanda."Princess, what's wrong?Are you still worried about JJ?"

 

"Yes."Amanda sighed."I should go check on her."

 

"No, you shouldn't.She said she would come to you if she needed you.They can work this out, Amanda.You have to let them."Niall said comfortingly.

 

"But he was being such an ass.I don't like it."Amanda said.

 

"I know you don't.But that's Harry when he's angry.And confused.I get that he should maybe realize he's taking it out on her, but she seems ok.Let's let her deal with it.We can't always protect her.We can't always fight her battles.She's doing a damn good job on her own."Niall said taking her hand over the table.

 

"Yes, I know that.But damn it.I don't want to see anyone talk to her like that.  I realize she's an adult and strong and gotten through a lot, but she shouldn't have to deal with that."Amanda said.She knew she was being over protective, but she couldn't seem to help it.

 

"Well, I understand Princess. but as we've said.Harry won't hurt her."Niall said leaning over and kissing her."See, here she comes."He nodded towards there door when JJ walked in.

 

Amanda smiled at Niall.Such a perfect, understanding boyfriend.She could tell he was a bit annoyed with her overprotectiveness of JJ, but he still pretended to completely understand.When Niall said JJ was coming in, she turned around and waved towards the door.Oh, did she want to talk to JJ.

 

Julie spotted Niall and Amanda sitting at a table in the breakfast room.She forced a smile at them and then went to make a plate before going over to their table.She knew she was going to be questioned by Amanda.She knew Amanda was concerned, but she wanted to deal with Harry in her own way.She took her plate and went and sat next to Amanda.She leaned over and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek."Good morning."She said as she sat back and started picking at the food on her plate.

 

"Good morning."Amanda said hugging her back.She watched her sit down.Really?Just good morning?"Well, how are you?"

 

"Good."Julie said looking up at Amanda.She couldn't help but laugh because she knew the look Amanda would be giving her."I'm fine Amanda.I can handle Harry."

 

"So, you guys talked?It's all ok?He's being more reasonable?"Amanda asked all at once.

 

"Yeah, sort of."Julie said remembering what transpired the night before.The mind-blowing sex they'd had against the wall, in the bed, in the shower.She shivered at the thought.Yeah, they still had to talk, but she wasn't complaining about last night.He was still asleep when she left the room this morning.Amanda definitely didn't need to know about that.

 

"Sort of?What's that mean?"Amanda questioned suspiciously.

 

"It was late, and we were tired.We didn't talk about it as much as we needed too.But we slept in the same bed.So that's something."Julie said."We have things we have to work through yet, but we will work through them.And if we don't, then that's our issue."

 

"If you don't?So, you're questioning your relationship now?What the hell did he say to you?And why would you let him?"Amanda questioned JJ, a touch angrily.

 

"No, I don't, not really.He's struggling.I know he is.He's got a lot of displaced anger, and I'm the queen of displaced anger.He's been there for me. He's gotten me through a lot."She said to Amanda.

 

"It doesn't matter how much he's done for you.He should never speak to you like that.And I don't even know the worst of it, I bet.If he was like that with everyone around, then what did he say to you in private?"Amanda asked.She was seriously worried.

 

"Honestly, I'm sorry, but that's between him and me.He's struggling, and I know more than anyone what that's like.I know what it's like to be so hurt and feel like you have no control over anything.I know how it feels when you think everything is crashing around you, and you can't stop it.How you expect any and everything to just go wrong.He's had a few days.I went through it for years.I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.I'm going to be patient, as he was with me.I'm going to give him time, and then we will discuss what we need to.He's an amazing and kind man who's going through a rough and confusing time.I'm sorry if you don't agree with how I'm handling it.I need to handle it though, in the way that I feel will help him most.I love you, and I appreciate your concern.But I'm good.Please."Julie said calmly.She knew Amanda meant well. She knew she had her best interest at heart; but at some point, Amanda was going to have to trust her.Believe that Julie was strong enough to handle things in her own life."I know I haven't been very good about looking out for myself in the past.But trust me, he will know how I feel as soon as it's time."

 

Amanda twisted her lips.She still wasn't sure she liked it.She still wasn't sure what happened the night before.She still wanted to.But JJ seemed set in handling it herself.She should be happy about it."Ok, alright, I'm sorry.I just worry, ya know?"She took a deep breath, and JJ nodded.Well, she should be happy.She should be excited JJ was strong enough to handle all this on her own.But she somewhat wanted JJ to still need her.Amanda liked that feeling.

 

Harry walked in the door.Julie had been gone when he got up.Her phone was still there on the charger, so he figured she was having breakfast.He looked over and saw her sitting talking to Amanda.She looked sort of sad.He stood there and looked at her a minute.She was so beautiful to him.Even though she looked a little rough and very tired.He remembered last night and couldn't help but smile.He felt more relaxed this morning than he had in a few days.She helped him with that.In many ways.He walked up to her and took her hand pulling her up.When she looked at him, he sat in her chair and pulled her into his lap.He knew they had to talk, had to work through things, but he just wanted to feel her close to him.He nuzzled her hair and took in her scent.It reminded him of the shower last night."Good morning."

 

"Good morning."She pulled back from him a little and looked at his face.He did seem a bit more relaxed than he had before."Are you hungry?"

 

"Yeah, I'll get something in a minute."He played with the fingers on one of her hands."Do you need anything else?"

 

"I was just going to get another coffee, but other than that I'm good."She watched their hands together."We need to talk when you're done eating.You know that, right?"

 

"Yeah, I know."He looked into her eyes."I won't be long."He helped her off his lap and then stood up."Let me get your coffee and grab a plate, and we can go talk."

 

"Meet me on the roof?"Julie said looking up at him.

 

Her and her roofs."Yes, of course."He watched her walk towards the door and looked at Amanda."Yes, I know.I'm an ass.I get it.I shouldn't have talked to her the way I did.I know that too.But we will work through it.I love her."He said matter-of-factly.And he meant it.Julie was worth it.He went and grabbed some food and some extra fruit.He knew she would pick at that.Every time there was fruit around, she was always eating it.He loved he knew that about her.He grabbed some water and another cup of coffee for her.Sweet and light. He took it up to the roof.He set it on the bench that was up there and walked up behind her slowly.She was standing at the edge looking out over the city.He slipped his arms around her waist and waited to see her reaction.It took her a minute, but she put her hands on his arms."I'm sorry.For whatever it's worth, I am sorry."

 

"I know, Harry."She took a deep breath and closed her eyes."But it doesn't hurt any less."She turned towards him and looked up at him."It's not you being angry that hurt.It's what you accused me of."She ran her hands down his arms but then stepped back and turned away.She walked back and sat on the bench grabbing a piece of fruit and taking a drink of her coffee.

 

He watched her and then smiled when she took the fruit and her coffee.He knew.He walked over and sat on the bench facing her.Her one leg pulled up underneath her facing the middle of the bench picking through the fruit."I know I hurt you.I know I was making assumptions.I'm so confused, and I'm so angry at everything."

 

"I know how that is Harry.Better than anyone.I know about displaced anger, and I know it's easy to take it out on those closest to you.Trust me. I understand what you're going through.But for you to even think that I'm running around with Zayn because of some phone calls, I can't handle that.How could I possibly be doing that?I never see you. When you're not with me, you've mostly been with Zayn.None of it would even be possible.Plus, he's engaged, Harry.So not only do you think I would cheat on you, you think I would sneak around with someone engaged to another woman.That hurts, more than anything else.That you have such a low opinion of me that you think I would do that."She said quietly to him.She wanted to remain calm.She wanted to understand, but his thinking that lowly of her hurt more than any angry words he could have said to her.

 

He watched her face.She didn't look up at him; she just stared at the bowl of fruit and pushed a few pieces around.He knew he had been mean. He knew he had said things he didn't quite mean, but he'd never realized how it seemed to her.He'd never listened to what she was trying to say.He took her hand with one of his and lifted her chin with the other."I'm sorry."He looked into her eyes when she lifted hers to his."I didn't think about it like that.I don't know why I was so adamant about that."He ran his thumb over her cheek and then stood up."I've always been jealous of the way that you and Zayn have gotten along.From that night I took you home for the first time.Watching you and him have such a connection.I could tell that night that you understood him.I watched you open him up more than anyone had in quite a while."

 

She watched him get up and pace in front of the bench.He'd been jealous of her and Zayn since she and Harry had gotten together?What?She wrinkled her brow and followed him back and forth with her eyes."What?Harry, why would you...." She was confused.

 

"Because you pushed me away from the start.From that first night.And you never once pushed him away.Not once.And every time you interacted with him, it seemed so easy.With me, it always seemed like such a struggle."He admitted.He had never admitted this to her before.Not to anyone.He'd thought it often, especially at first, but he'd never said anything."I hated watching it.I always wondered if maybe I wasn't the best one for you."

 

He was insecure.From the beginning.This realization hit her hard.She never would have guessed.Not in a million years."Because, Harry, I wasn't afraid of the feelings with him.They weren't deep, and complex, and overwhelming.They were easy; because he was engaged, and a friend, it was easier with him, and Niall, and Louis, and Liam even.They were no threat to my little bubble.They weren't going to force their way in and make me remember my past, remember what happened the last time I THOUGHT I'd had strong feelings for someone.From the moment I stepped into your arms, the night we met, I knew you were a threat to that wall, that bubble I had established to keep everyone far enough away."

 

He stopped and looked down at her."I think I get that.I think I have for a while.But then finding out he left, for good.Trying to call you all day and never getting ahold of you, and then seeing you standing at my door without me even having to tell you, and finding out HE told you.I just lost it."He squatted in front of her and took her hands."It became too much.I didn't even have control over telling you something so important to me.I've lost control of everything, and I guess I'm just having a hard time with that."

 

"I know."She took a deep breath and looked down at him in front of her."I get it."Her eyes filled with tears but she stopped them from falling."I know you.I knew you needed to feel like you had control over something.I knew if you could grasp control over something, anything, it would make you feel less lost."

 

"So, you let me.Even though you knew it wouldn't fix us, you let me."He rested his forehead on their hands.She'd given herself to him last night to give him what he was craving.Control, and a feeling of being needed, wanted.

 

"Yes."She admitted."We have a lot to work through, because I can deal with your hurt, and your anger.But I can't deal with accusations and unfounded blame.But I let you control last night, because I knew just that little bit could help get you back to at least realizing not everything is lost.I'm not complaining about it, Harry.I rather enjoyed the physical feeling.It was incredible, every time."

 

"Yeah, it was."He sat back on his feet.He took her hand when she reached for him and sat back on the bench when she pulled him up.When she turned to look at him again, he put his arm on the back of the bench and played with the hair on her shoulder."Part of me just wishes I saw things sooner.How could I not have noticed he was struggling so much that he was thinking of leaving for good?If I could have or would have, maybe I would have been able to help, or do something."

 

"Harry."She shook her head."You can't control everything.No matter how much you try and how much you want to.I learned that the hard way.You should know that just by dealing with me.Zayn struggled for a while.I knew that; you knew that.Everyone knew that.I'm not trying to excuse how he did this.I don't agree with how he went about it.But I understand his struggle.His anxiety, his fear.I lived it, for years.But I understand how you're feeling too.I had years to deal with it, and I didn't do a very good job of it.You've had a few days.I'm trying really hard to just understand that.But you coming at me the way you did, from the moment I knocked on your door.I'm having a hard time with that."

 

"I don't know what to say to fix this.I just want to fix it."Harry said rubbing his face.

 

"There aren't words that are just going to make all of this go away.I'm sorry, but there's not.At first, you scared me.Your anger, your loss of self-control, your forcefulness.But I knew you would never hurt me.I could see you knowing you needed to hold back.I could see the pain in your eyes.I just want to be able to be strong enough to deal with it all."She said looking up at him.

 

"You've always been stronger than you've realized."He put his hand out palm up.He wanted to see if she would take it.He was glad when she didn't hesitate to slide her hand into his."I truly am sorry for yelling at you the way I did.I'm jealous, and possessive, and I'm struggling to deal with all of it, and I took it out on you.I'm sorry."

 

"I know."She got up and went and sat on his lap."I love you, and I will try my best to do what I can to be here for you.I will give you the leeway to work through it, however you choose you need to, as long as you promise to try and speak to me a little bit kinder." 

 

"You mean stop being a complete ass to you when you're really not the reason for my anger?"He said wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling his face into her hair.He was so relieved she'd come to him.He wouldn't have blamed her if it took her more time to be able to forgive him.He had taken a lot of anger out on her.She dealt with it better than most would have.He didn't realize he would be so jealous.

 

She laughed and kissed his head and then laid hers on his."Yeah, that would be a good start.But, let's get one thing straight.You're my ass.So, let's just remember that.I love you, Harry.Even your temper tantrum won't change that."

 

"Good to know.I've been known to throw a few."He laughed.He may not have deserved her understanding so quickly after what he'd said to her the past couple of days, but he was glad she was still calling him, hers."I love you too, Julie."

 

"Well, I hope you feel you have a bit more control over things today."She said reaching down and picking another piece of fruit from the bowl.

 

"Oh, yeah.But I want control like last night.Again, and again, and again."He teased her and chuckled.

 

She groaned."Harry."She shook her head at him.

 

"Oh, but maybe not complete control, because when you shoved me up against the shower wall, it was the best feeling ever.So maybe, you just make sure you're in control too."He tried not to laugh.

 

"Harry, I swear."She got up and picked up her coffee.

 

"Seriously, you're fucking hot when you take control of me like that.Like I just want to submit to you completely."He stood up and picked up the plate and ate a bit from it.He grinned as he looked at her.

 

"You know, I hate it when you make me uncomfortable on purpose.You shouldn't do it."She said shaking her head and rolling her eyes at him.

 

"Yeah, yeah, but you're super cute when you turn different shades of red."He laughed this time when her eyebrows crinkled.

 

"You know, for someone wanting something like last night to happen again, you sure have a smart mouth."She said raising her eyebrows and drinking from her coffee cup.

 

"Yeah, but from what you were saying last night during, I'm pretty sure you'll be begging for it again soon."He grinned as he chewed.

 

She licked over her teeth and couldn't help but giggle and then laugh out loud a little."Harry, my self-control is pretty good. I've had lots of practice."

 

He took a step closer and leaned down and whispered in her ear, even though they were the only two on the roof."I remember hearing, 'oh Harry, please don't stop' maybe more than once."

 

"Damn you."She said pushing him away by his chest.He, of course, was laughing at her."You wait and see, you cocky bastard."She started towards the doorway of the roof.

 

He threw his head back and laughed."God, you drive me insane."He watched after her and when she put her hand on the door, he said."I could just grab you and take you right up against that wall there.Imagine how hot that would be.Outside, on a roof, people right below us."He tried to mask his laughter, but he knew she was turning pretty bright red right now.

 

Damn him.His fucking words messing with her body.She didn't want it to affect her, but he gave her so much pleasure, always.But after last night, she almost craved it."Fuck you, Harry."She said as she opened the door.

 

"Oh, I will let you do that later baby, as often as you'd like, however you'd like it."He laughed as she shook her head and groaned.She was so cute when she got frustrated with sex talk.But he meant it.Last night may have come from his need to control something, but whatever it came from, he wanted more.Especially since she took the passion so well, since it didn't scare her at all.He could show her that aggressive passion was ok.That aggressiveness wasn't always bad.Sometimes, it could be good, really good.He walked to the door and watched her backside as she walked down the stairs."Don't forget I love you."He said as he started following her.He was waiting for it.He laughed out loudly as she turned, stuck up her middle finger, and then turned back around to finish going down the stairs.Oh yeah, he loved her.Thank god, she decided to stay.Thank god, she understood.Thank god, he had her.


	59. Chapter 59

Everyone had just finished up breakfast but were still gathered together in the banquet room.  Harry watched Julie sitting on a table talking to Louis and Liam.  He was leaning against a table by the back wall, observing.  He watched Liam hug her and then walk away.  After Liam left, she got off the table and sat in front of Louis putting her hands over his as he leaned his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him.  Julie was leaning in talking quietly to him.  Harry guessed he knew why.  Louis had just broken up with Eleanor, so he was dealing with that as well as Zayn's departure.  Harry watched as Julie cupped Louis' cheeks and said something to him, and then hugged him tightly.  Whether she knew it or not, she had a wonderful comforting quality about her.  He was glad she was talking to Louis, but he was quite caught off guard when he also felt that tinge of jealousy again.  With Louis?  Maybe she was right, maybe he was going insane.  It was amazing watching her transformation.  Louis and Julie had always had a sassy, sarcastic relationship.  Harry knew he shouldn't be surprised really, that side of their personalities was very similar.  Usually when she and Louis were speaking though, the conversation was quick and witty.  This time it was calm and emotional.  Once again just as she had read him, she read Louis.  She knew what Louis needed when he needed it.  Julie went from the one needing all the comfort and understanding to the one giving it.  He smiled and shook his head.  So much change.  No one could say things were boring right now.  He looked over when he felt someone lean back on the table next to him.  "Hey, Amanda.  I was wondering when you would find me."

 

"Yeah, guess you know me too by now, huh?"  Amanda said pulling herself onto the table, sitting next to Harry and swinging her legs.

 

"I guess I do now, huh?"  Harry asked smiling at her.  He looked down and lost his smile when she raised her eyebrows at him.  "Look, Amanda I know I was wrong.  I know that I was mean and took things way too far, that I took things out on her when they weren't about her necessarily.  But I can tell you that she's strong.  Stronger than I thought she would be this quickly.  She knew before I did what I needed.  Even though I may not have deserved it in the moment, she still gave it to me.  She was selfless and kind.  But she was also brave and confident.  She stood right up to me and called me on my bullshit.  When we just talked, this morning, she was calm, yet made it very clear how she felt."  He raised his head and looked over at Amanda.  "She's changing.  Quickly."

 

"Yeah, Harry, I know how she is.  She's my best friend.  I've spent lots of time with her recently."  Amanda said a bit annoyed.

 

"Yeah, I know that."  Harry sighed.  "Look, you may be angry at me, and I understand that.  I'm angry at myself.  I'm angry at Zayn. I'm angry at the situation.  I'm angry at some of the circumstances.  But I'm not angry at her.  She was there.  It's not right, and it wasn't fair.  But I'm not perfect.  I never claimed to be."

 

"No one said you had to be perfect, Harry."  Amanda finally looked at him.  "But there's no way you should have treated her with so much disregard."

 

"I know.  I was jealous and angry at everything.  I still can't figure out what Zayn wants with her.  Why he would have even called her.  What's his agenda?  She makes it out like his phone calls are no big deal, but right now I think it's a big deal.  Why would he call her?"  Harry couldn't help but question the motivations.

 

"You have no right to question her like that.  She never gave you any reason to question her."  Amanda said.  But was she being a hypocrite?  She questioned her in the cab.  She questioned Zayn calling JJ too.  She didn't know why he would have.  She knew that they spoke when everyone was together.  She had even heard them on the phone every now and again, and she'd just assumed Harry had been around.  "I don't believe for a second she would cheat on you.  She thinks you saved her remember; why would she do that?"  That was true.  Amanda didn't think JJ would ever cheat on Harry.  No matter what was going on with Zayn.  She never questioned JJ's love for Harry.

 

"I know.  Maybe it's not all sane and rational, but what is anymore?"  Harry looked back over at Julie and Louis. Julie had now started gently rubbing Louis back by his shoulder.  Still quietly comforting him.  "I am sorry, Amanda, not only for taking all my anger out on Julie, but for snapping at you also.  You know I love the fact that you always have her back.  I worry, constantly, but I worry less because I know that you will protect her.  Even from me.  Even though at the time, I didn't quite see it that way."  He put his arm around Amanda's shoulder and pulled her into a sort of side hug.  "Think you can ever forgive me?"

 

Amanda sighed and looked up at Harry when he put his arm around her.  She didn't want to stay mad at him.  She did find it difficult not to hold his reactions against him though.  "JJ loves you.  So, I wouldn't try to come between that.  But you can count on the fact that I will be watching you closely.  I don't expect your relationship to go on without a hitch, but I do expect you to remember going forward that she's not your punching bag."

 

"I'm not trying to make her my punching bag.  I will make it up to her.  She doesn't seem to think I need to, but I will.  It is hard though when she doesn't seem to need me as much anymore."  Harry said as he took his arm from around Amanda.  "I'm trying to set up an excursion tomorrow for us while we're here."

 

"That's not going to fix things, Harry."  Amanda said looking at him.  "But yes, I get the 'her not needing you as much anymore' thing.  She doesn't seem to need me anymore either.  Guess we got that in common.  Niall thinks I'm nuts.  That I should like watching her become so strong.  Guess I'm just a bit crazy, wanting her to need me just a bit yet."

 

"Then I'm sure Niall would think I'm nuts too.  It's taking a lot to get used to it.  Probably because I haven't been around much to actually see it.  I expected more trouble than it's been, I guess."  He looked at Amanda.  "I know it won't fix things; however, I still want to do these things for her, with her."

 

"Well I do just want to see her happy, and if it's you that does it, then I will always support it.  I know how good you are for her mostly, Harry.  But this has been rough for me to watch.  Seeing it, just looked like she was letting you do it, not standing up for herself.  Letting you take it out on her and taking it.  Just as she must have done previously."

 

Harry thought back to the night before.  She definitely didn't just sit back and take it.  In any way.  He couldn't help but smile.  The night might have started out horribly, but it ended amazingly.  "Oh, I can promise she wasn't like that.  She was calm and patient, but she made sure I knew what she thought, and what she felt."

 

"Ok, well I will say it again."  Amanda said getting off the table.  "I will be watching you."

 

"So, watch my step?"  He grabbed Amanda and hugged her.  "I'm glad she has you.  I keep saying it.  I know what I'm in for when I misstep.  From you and now from her."  He let go and looked at Amanda.  "I know we are going to work it out.  We will be there for each other."  He meant it.  Julie amazed him.  She'd got through so much, so quickly.  And at least with him, she stood up for herself.  She was going to walk out the door a couple of times, but looking back, she wasn't running.  She was just tired of being accused of whatever was going on in his brain or imagination at times.  His words had to hurt.  Hearing her say that she felt he had a low opinion of her hit him right in the heart.  That's not how he meant it.  He didn't trust Zayn right now.  He took it out on the wrong person.  But she was the one there; she was the one willing to take it at that time.  He sighed and picked up his phone when it rang.  He really wanted to take her out in South Africa.  He really wanted to prove to her he was sorry.  He walked to a quieter part of the room to work out some details.

 

Julie got up and went and got Louis a bottle of water and brought it back to him.  "I know you probably want something stronger than this, but how about we start with this."  She said handing it to him.

 

"Thanks.  Yeah, stronger would be nice.  I've tried not to talk about all this, but somehow you seemed to have gotten it out of me pretty quickly."  Louis said taking the water, opening it, and taking a drink.

 

"It's part of my magical charm.  I put a spell on all of you the night we met.  Didn't you know?"  She said sitting back down next to him.

 

Louis couldn't help but laugh.  "Yes, of course you did.  Thanks, JJ.  Really.  It's been a tough time.  Lots of things changing.  Including you it appears.  I haven't seen you lately, but you definitely come across a bit different."  He reached out and tapped her chin.  "Looks good on you."

 

"Thanks Louis.  But I don't think I'm that different.  Just choose not to hide so much I guess.  Don't bottle everything up as tight.  I'm still struggling some, but I got a lot of help.  Starting with all of you.  And of course, Harry."  She said smiling at Louis.

 

"He seems to be pretty into you also, love."  Louis said sitting back.  "How are you two anyway?  I could tell there was some tension.  I know Harry can be an ass when he's confused and angry."

 

"Yeah, he left a lot to be desired for a while.  But I get most of it.  It's a lot.  I'm pretty good at pushing people away and taking things out on people who don't deserve it.  So even though some of the things he said hurt a lot, I tried to remember where it was coming from.  He's been very patient with me, and kind and understanding.  I ran more than once, pushed him away constantly, and he stayed for me.  He came back after I disappeared for weeks.  I think it's only fair I at least give him the benefit of the doubt."  Julie said picking up her water bottle and peeling at the label.

 

Louis watched her for a minute.  "Something he said really bothered you, didn't it?"

 

"How did we get onto this topic?  We were talking about you."  Julie said looking at him.

 

"Yes, we were, and we've done that enough.  I don't want to do that anymore."  Louis said.  "Come on, you can tell me."

 

"You're one of Harry's best friends.  I would never ask you to take sides.  Maybe we should just forget about it."  Julie said. 

 

"Now why would I take sides?  We're just talking.  I just spilled my guts to you, in great detail I might add.  I think maybe you owe me a little bit here."  Louis said to her as he leaned back in his chair.  Eyes on her.

 

"Come on, Louis.  Everything's fine.  Really."  When Louis just kept staring at her, she sighed.  "Fine.  But don't say I didn't warn you.  When I got tired of being talked too like I meant nothing, I decided I was just going to go Amanda and Niall's room and then go home.  He asked me if I was going to go to Bradford to comfort Zayn.  Swore something was going on with Zayn because I took his call.  Felt like he had such a low opinion of me to even think I would do that to him.  Even though I understood he was angry with Zayn and upset and hurt, that just, seemed to be really harsh.  I tried to understand.  I knew how I felt when he met Kendall in Paris.  But I NEVER had anything with Zayn.  I don't know; guess that's what I'm having the hardest time getting over."

 

"Well, that is pretty harsh.  But I can tell you, I don't think he really meant it.  He loves you.  I see it.  I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.  He's an ass sometimes.  And he shouldn't have said those things.  But give him some time.  Did you tell him how you felt?"  Louis asked her.

 

"Yes, earlier today.  I told him that his having such a low opinion of me hurt the most."  She kept playing with the label on her bottle.

 

"Look, we're men.  We won't always see things that way.  I'm sure that's not how he meant it."  He got up and kissed her cheek when he saw Harry walking over to her.  "Keep at it, keep talking it out.  Love is always a lot of work, but in the end, it could be worth the struggle."  He walked past Harry and clapped him on the shoulder.

 

Harry sat in the chair Louis just vacated.  "Hey, you ok?"  He said taking the bottle from her hand.  He had noticed she had a nervous habit of playing with things. Usually it was his fingers.  Sometimes it was water bottle labels.  "Seemed pretty intense over here for a while."

 

"Yeah, I'm ok.  Louis seems to be having a hard time with his break up and then Zayn.  Gotta be tough to go through both those at the same time."  She said picking at the fabric of her jeans.

 

"Yeah, I imagine.  I did a pretty good job trying to get us to that point too.  I really am sorry."  He said picking her hand up and kissing it.

 

"You thought we were going to break up?"  She asked, surprised.

 

"No, yes, maybe.  I don't know.  I was acting like an ass.  Saying things I'm not sure I would forgive.  I wouldn't have blamed you if you dropped my ass right then."  He said.

 

She didn't know what to say.  Breaking up?  Losing her relationship over a nonexistent affair?  She'd never even thought about it.  "I don't want to break up, Harry."

 

"Oh, neither do I.  Baby, I'm not saying that at all.  I'm just glad you seem to get me better than I do right now."  He took her other hand and held both of them in between the two of them.  "I want a chance to make it up to you.  Show you how sorry I am."

 

"I'm not asking you to make anything up to me, Harry.  I told you, I get it.  There's only one part of this that I can't seem to get past quickly, but I will get there."  Julie said to him.

 

"You thinking I have a low opinion of you?"  Harry sighed.  He understood why that would bother her.  But he didn't mean it to come out that way.  "I don't.  I swear."

 

"I want to just forget it and believe you, but it hit me hard, and I don't just want to push my feelings aside anymore.  We know where that got me in the past."  Julie said sitting back and grabbing the water bottle again.

 

Harry watched her take her hands from his.  Ok, so he definitely had some work to do.  But he would do it.  Julie wasn't asking for it, but he was still going to anyway.  "I understand.  Baby, I know I messed up.  I knew saying those things would hurt, but I never thought about it the way you did.  I'm sorry I tried to hurt you as much as I was hurting."

 

"I love you, Harry.  We will be ok.  We are ok.  I'm just going to need a little bit of time to figure out how this makes me feel.  All I know is this is where I want to be.  You are who I want to be with.  We will be fine."  Julie said to him.  And she knew they would be.  She was struggling with the various emotions running through her head.  Harry had hurt her with the words he'd thrown at her.  But Julie knew she would be ok.  They would be ok.

 

"Ok, well I just got off the phone. I was setting up some plans for us tomorrow.  I really want to take you somewhere and surprise you.  Will you let me do that?"  Harry asked her.

 

"You don't have to take me places to make it up to me."  Julie said to him shaking her head.  She didn't want him to think he had to do anything like that.

 

"I know, stubborn.  I want to though.  Please?"  He asked taking the bottle again and taking her hands.  He pulled her to him and sat her on his lap.  "Let me.  I promise you will love it."

 

"I'm sure I will.  That's not what I meant."  Julie looked at him and then kissed him quickly.  She laid her head on his shoulder.  "I will go anywhere with you, Harry."

 

He could tell that she was still hurting.  And he knew he'd done that.  But she was trying really hard not to make him feel bad or guilty.  Julie shouldn't be the one having to try so hard though.  He already felt guilty on his own.  He loved that she was trying hard to give him a break, but after finally hearing how she felt and how his words had affected her, Harry couldn't help but feel guilty.  He had a very high opinion of her and cared for her deeply, not just as a girlfriend. He admired her as a person.  He wanted to make sure she felt that also.  He needed her to feel his love.  To know how much he wanted her, needed her, cared about her.  "That's good, because I don't want to be anywhere without you right now."

 

"I'm not going to lie to you, Harry.  It hurts.  A lot.  The things you said.  So many things coming back.  Feeling low and not worthy.  Like everything was my fault.  I'm trying really hard to separate everything right now.  You and me versus me and my past.  But words do hurt.  Sometimes just as much or more than the physical pain.  And I think they hurt more coming from you.  Because I love you, and I think so much of you, and think about how great you are.  I never wanted to disappoint you.  And even though I know you don't look at it that way,  I do.  Part of me knows it's not all my fault.  But part of me now wonders what I did to screw up.  It's the constant struggle I have.  Wondering if I will ever just be good enough."  Julie said quietly to him.  She was stronger.  She knew it.  She could tell the moment he raised his voice to her, and she didn't panic completely.  She trusted him.  She never thought she would ever be able trust anyone so completely.  Especially a boyfriend.  But she did.  Even when things seemed to be going bad, it didn't take long for her to trust him.  To know nothing would happen.  But still his words hurt.  When Harry seemed to think she would actually go to Zayn and comfort Zayn over him, Julie could feel the pain in her heart.

 

"I know."  He said swallowing the lump in his throat.  "I'm grateful, seriously, that you didn't just walk out on me."

 

"I know I've hurt you too.  I never expected to get through a relationship without being hurt at some point.  You're a great man, Harry.  And you're real.  You're allowed to make mistakes.  I don't want you to be perfect.  I want you to be you.  But just like when I hurt you, and you needed time.  I need some now.  I'm not going anywhere.  I want to be here, with you, by you, for you.  But I'm going to have some ups and downs.  It's hard to forget."  She put her hand on his cheek.  "But I already forgive you."

 

"I didn't help your recovery at all, did I?  In fact, I hurt it, didn't I?"  Harry asked her sighing.

 

"Harry, don't worry so much about me.  I'm ok.  I'm learning to get through things.  Yes, this is my first true test.  But so far, I'm ok.  I would prefer you not to flip out on me again anytime soon, but for now, I'm good.  Separating my past from my present is what I'm really trying to do.  You're not him.  I can't expect everything to be like my past.  Did it scare me when you grabbed me and pushed me against the wall?  Yes.  Did I automatically protect myself when you yelled and came towards me?  Yes, out of instinct.  I didn't even know I was doing it.  You've never yelled at me before.  My instincts took over.  I was protecting myself.  Doesn't mean I really thought you were going to do anything."  Julie took a deep breath.  "My past will always be here.  It's always going to play a part in my reactions.  I can't change that.  I'm sorry."

 

"No, please, don't be sorry.  I shouldn't have done it.  I would never hurt you though.  Not like that.  I know I hurt you with my words, but I would never hurt you like that.  And never on purpose.  I should have stopped and thought more about things."  He took his thumb and ran it over her cheek when he noticed a tear trickle from her eye.  It was the first time Julie had actually shed a tear since she'd been here with him.  He just realized that.  She'd fought her tears every other time.  He just realized she hadn't wanted him to react to her tears.  That she didn't want him to feel bad for her.  "You, are, you, Julie..." he stuttered trying to get out what he meant.  "You don't have to pretend to be completely strong.  I hurt you.  You shouldn't have hidden that."

 

"I didn't hide it."  She shook her head.  "It wasn't the time.  I could tell you weren't dealing with things well.  My tears wouldn't have gone over well.  You would have just gotten more upset."  She sighed.  "I don't want to argue about it, or even talk about it anymore.  Not right now.  We're fine.  At least, I think so.  Guess the rest is up to you."  She said shrugging her shoulders.  Julie still felt that he was the one that didn't trust her completely right now.

 

"No, I mean, of course we're fine."  Harry pulled her to him gently and hugged her.  His questioning all of this really seemed to get to her.  "I'm really sorry.  Really, really sorry."  He rubbed her back gently and closed his eyes when he felt her arms go around his neck.

 

"It's ok."  Julie whispered holding onto him.  "I forgive you.  I love you."

 

Harry fought his own tears.  Right now, he didn't think he deserved her forgiveness.  Her comfort.  But Julie was still here giving it to him.  He couldn't wait to take her out tomorrow.  Maybe he would talk to Niall and see if he wanted to bring Amanda.  They could spend some time together.  Maybe things could go back to normal.  It would be fun.  Yes, that's what he would do.  "I love you too, baby."  More than you realize, he thought to himself.


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone’s enjoying the story!! Let me know!!! Comment, bookmark! Message me!! Something!! There is about 18 more chapters to post!! I need to know if they are wanted!

Harry woke up even before his alarm went off the next morning.It was still dark outside.He had spoken to Niall, and they were going to take the girls on an adventure today.It was pretty elaborate, and he was sure Julie would have something to say about that, but he sort-of had to do it this way.Had to set it up where they were a bit isolated, but yet he wanted it to be a real experience.Plus, the adventure was a bit far away by car, so they had to travel a bit more conveniently since he had to be back at a decent time tonight to be ready for the show day business the next morning.He wanted them to experience as much of an adventure as they could.He turned on the light of his phone for just a bit of light and rolled over to see Julie sleeping calmly.He didn't have to wake her yet.It was only 4 am.They didn't have to leave until about 6:30 am.He just couldn't sleep.It was time to make up for his behavior of the first two days when she'd arrived.He smiled as he thought about that.She came to Indonesia to be here for him.Then even though he was treating her horribly, she'd traveled to South Africa and took even more shit from him.He never had a relationship like this.He knew he was missing something in his previous relationships but never knew what.Now he did.

 

"Stop staring at me.And turn off your light."Julie said burying her head in the pillow and slapping at him.

 

Harry laughed and turned the light away from her."How did you know I was staring at you?"

 

"I could feel it.Why are you awake?"She asked uncovering her face when the light was pointed away from her.

 

"Can't sleep.I'm excited."He said moving a strand of hair from her cheek.

 

"What time is it?"She asked picking her head up a little and catching the screen on his phone."Jesus, Harry, it's like 4 am."

 

He laughed again."I know that.I told you.I'm excited.But you can sleep for a bit yet.We don't have to leave until about 6:30 am."

 

"Where are you taking me, boyfriend, that you are so excited that you wake up hours before you need to?"Julie asked as she picked up his hand and played with his fingers lazily.

 

Harry smiled.First, because he loved it when she called him 'boyfriend', and second because she was instinctively playing with his fingers again, the nervous and tired habit of hers that he loved watching."You will find out.But not right now.When we go.Just trust me."

 

"I do trust you, but I hate surprises."She said closing her eyes.

 

"Yeah, I know, but too bad."He waited for it."Ouch!"He laughed when she pinched his stomach.That's what he expected."Seriously, I want to surprise you, and I want you to enjoy yourself."

 

"Harry, I'm in South Africa for crying out loud.Who would have thought I would even be here?"She opened her eyes and looked up at him."I might as well get up.Since someone is like a kid on Christmas morning.As we're up before the freaking sun comes up, you better make sure I get damn good coffee and a good breakfast."

 

"No," he laughed."Come here."He laid back and pulled her to him."I will put my baby back to sleep.Lord knows I don't want to deal with cranky Julie on our special day."He knew, when her head hit his chest what to expect, and he was right; she bit him playfully.He laughed again and wrapped his arms around her."I love you, baby.Get some more sleep."He kissed her head and rubbed her back gently as she drifted off to sleep slowly.He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep too, but he just couldn't.After he knew she was in a deep sleep, he got up quietly and slowly so that he didn't disturb her.He would make sure she had her coffee and her breakfast when she woke.

 

Julie rolled over and took a deep breath before she even opened her eyes.She could smell the coffee.And breakfast.Bacon.Yum, bacon."That better not be that healthy turkey tofu bacon crap you think everyone needs to eat."She said as she slowly opened her eyes.

 

"Good Morning smart ass."Harry said to her coming over and climbing on the bed."Nothing but fattening, greasy bacon for you."He climbed over her and kissed her."Think you can get up now, sunshine?"He laughed as she crinkled her forehead.He adored the fact they could give each other a hard time and each understood.

 

"Watch it, haven't had my coffee yet.You better be careful with your sarcastic ass."She said as she pushed him from above her and sat up."I want my coffee."She said grabbing a kiss as she got off the bed and heading to the bathroom.

 

He shook his head and watched her close the door.Well at least things seemed more back to normal this morning.He hoped it continued.He knew she would have a hard time forgetting what had happened this trip, but he was glad she was trying.He was also glad she was being honest that it still bothered her.They couldn't work through it if she just pushed it aside.She was growing so much.He got off the bed realizing he still had a goofy grin on his face."Get it together Styles."He laughed at himself and shook his head.He went and got breakfast out and set the plates on the table with her coffee.When she walked out pulling her hair back, he smiled at her."Breakfast is served."He gestured towards the table.

 

After Julie took the hair tie from her mouth and put it into her hair, she walked over to Harry and the table."Cheese omelet, bacon, fruit and hash browns.Hell, you do love me."She giggled as she ran her hand over his stomach and sat down.

 

He smiled again and sat next to her."Yeah, I do, and I love I know exactly what you want.Even though..." he started to say.

 

"No, don't say it."She said as she picked up a piece of bacon."I don't want to hear it.This is GOOD, do not tell me how bad it is for me."She shook her head.She loved he was healthy, and that he encouraged her to eat healthier, but sometimes you just needed a good damn piece of bacon."Lecture later, eat yummy food now."She picked up a grape and threw it at him."See there's fruit.Makes it all better, you just don't count the rest."She put her feet up on his lap when he sat down and picked up her fork."Oh, look at all this cheese.See this is better than sex."She giggled when he pinched her toes.

 

"Shut up."He laughed.He rested his arm over her legs on his lap and started eating his breakfast.A healthier version of hers.He couldn't stop smiling.She honestly could give him a harder time with the way he treated her.He would have expected it; he would have also accepted it.But she wasn't.He thought she would build that wall up and push him away.That what he said to her would make her pull back from him because of the reminder of how she used to be spoken to, but again she didn't.This was her.This is how she normally was with him.Sassy words yet loving touches, gestures.Her feet in his lap.

 

"Wow, Styles, clever come back."She said looking up at him and winking.

 

"Oh, seriously, shut up now.Because if you get me going on this type of talk, you know you will run from the room red, hot and bothered."He winked back at her.

 

She laughed."Yeah, ok, fine, you win.This time.It won't happen much, so enjoy it while it lasts."She looked back at her plate and shook her head.She was still having a bit of a hard time getting over the words he'd spoken completely.But she knew he loved her.She knew that in the end he didn't think badly of her.He just hadn't known how to get through everything in his mind at the time.Complete chaos in the mind was a very difficult thing, and it took time to sort through and process.It was so easy to take things out on the wrong people at the wrong time.Good intentions seemed like there was an agenda behind them even when there wasn't.From the moment she was in the presence of Harry, she'd felt his heart.She also knew none of this would have bothered him so deeply if there weren't feelings involved.Misplaced anger, misplaced trust issues, god if he hadn't been how she used to be, those first two days.Nonetheless, words had still hurt.Words and mistrust.But she didn't want it to affect their relationship.They'd gotten through a lot already.She loved him and knew he loved her.She didn't want anyone else.She would make this work.Which meant she would treat it normally and see how it went.

 

"Wait.I didn't record that.Do you think you could possibly say that again?"He feigned shock and looked at her.

 

"No, jerk."She said looking up at him."This is such an amazing breakfast.My taste buds thank you, my tummy thanks you, but my hips may not later."She laughed as the joke from Tahoe came back to mind."All these carbs, ya know."She laughed as he shook his head.

 

"Just shut up and eat your breakfast."He shook his head smiling, recalling Tahoe as well.The good memories always overwhelmed the bad.That's how he knew this was a relationship he wanted to continue to pursue no matter how hard it had gotten.He always remembered the good times first, before the bad came back to him.It was crazy and intense.But he had to go with it.Was almost a bit scary to think so deeply about love right now.He didn't see this coming.It had hit him over the head hard when he realized just how much he loved her.But there wasn't a thing he could do about it.He had tried to talk himself out of the overwhelming feelings he had for her, thinking it would pass, but it never did.He laughed with her through the rest of breakfast.When she finally dropped her fork in defeat of not being able to finish all her food, he gently put her feet down and got up."Your clothes are in the bathroom, go get ready while I clean up. Amanda and Niall should be here soon, and then we're going to go."

 

"You got my clothes out?"She got up and walked up and felt his forehead."Are you ok?Are you sick?"

 

"I'm fine."He chuckled and shook his head."I was up before the sun remember? I had to do something.Just go put them on.And don't argue.For just once in your life."

 

She feigned shocked this time and put her hand over her heart."I'm shocked.How could you possibly say that to me?"She stuck her tongue out at him and turned to go to the bathroom.

 

Harry nipped at her bum as she walked away."You are such a smart mouthed brat.And I love every second of it."He laughed as she shut the door and went back to cleaning up breakfast.He was slightly nervous.He was sure she would enjoy herself today, but it was the first time he was really surprising her.She'd surprised him multiple times.He did show up to Thanksgiving a little earlier than expected, but she'd still known he was coming.He hoped they all had a good day.Then he hoped they came back and had a good night.He couldn't help but think about that.Ever since the other night.He thought about it a lot more than he used to even.He was a guy.Let's face it.After he cleaned up, he made sure that he had everything packed for both of them.He wanted to make this day, easy and fun for her.An experience she would remember with great fondness.Where she would remember this trip with good feelings and not the negative.Sort of like Paris.Well, he could hope that at some point their trips together wouldn't have the bad memories to try and forget.Although this wasn't a planned trip, they could still make it great.He let Niall and Amanda in right before Julie walked out of the bathroom."Are you all ready?"He reached up for Julie's hand and kissed it."We should go."

 

"Where are we going?"Amanda asked."Niall wouldn't tell me."

 

"Yeah, I don't know either.Harry's actually kept it a secret.Their planning things without us is kind of scary."Julie said.

 

"We planned Tahoe."Niall said."So you two better stop being mean.Or we may have to go without you."

 

"Go ahead then."Julie said."If you two need your alone time, then who am I to stop you."

 

"Shut up, JJ."Niall said.He went up and hugged her tightly pushing her backwards.

 

"Niall!"Julie laughed as she stumbled backwards.She then wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back tightly.She'd missed him.He had become one of her closest friends.Someone she counted on.He believed in her so much it was amazing.This guy was a rock.She looked at him when he pulled back a little."I hate you."

 

"I hate you too.Now, let's go."He said walking back to Amanda and grabbing their bag."We got things to do."

 

Amanda got out of the car last and looked at Niall."What are we doing here?What is going on?"She looked at Harry and then back to the helicopter that wasn't far from them.

 

"This is our ride to our destination for the day.It's a bit far and I wanted to make the most of the day, so we're riding in style on the way."Harry said grabbing the bag and then Julie's hand.

 

"What?No."Julie said stopping dead in her tracks.A helicopter?She couldn't go in a helicopter.

 

"I know you're afraid of heights, babe.But I got you, and it will be a beautiful ride.Just trust me."Harry said pulling her forward.

 

"I trust you, it's the helicopter and the fall to the ground I don't trust."Julie said to him taking a deep breath.

 

"Oh, stop.Just give it a try."He said.He leaned down and kissed her."I will hold you the whole time.We will be fine."He said looking into her eyes.It took her a minute, but she slowly walked with him to the helicopter.

 

"Niall, seriously?"Amanda said excited.This was incredible.

 

"Yes babe, this was all Harry though; he had this planned and asked if we wanted to come along.As much I'd love to take the credit for this brilliant plan, it wasn't me."Niall laughed.He grabbed the bag and Amanda's hand and went and climbed into the helicopter opposite Harry and JJ.JJ looked scared.A bit pale.She had a tight grip on Harry's hand."JJ, you're not going to fall out."He couldn't help but laugh.

 

"Be nice, Niall."Harry said."I hope you relax enough to enjoy it, baby.It will be beautiful.

 

"I will try."Julie said.She closed her eyes when she felt the helicopter start to pick up off the ground.She took a deep breath and opened them after a moment.She looked out the window at the view below them.It was incredible.Scary.But incredible.She looked over at Harry and smiled.She didn't let go of his hand, but she leaned more towards the window to look out.You could see so much.It was high, but so much closer to the ground than an airplane.She loved it.The adrenaline rush was there, but she didn't need it to forget the things going through her mind, it was brilliant.

 

Harry smiled down at her and then watched her the whole time that she was watching out the window.The view below them was beautiful, but seeing her smiling and happy was what he wanted to see the most.

 

Amanda watched Harry watching JJ for a few minutes.She was happy to see the way he looked at her.He obviously loved her very much.She wouldn't let him off the hook so easily for how he'd treated her best friend, but she also knew in her heart that he loved her.JJ also looked happy.That's what Amanda wanted to see.She looked out of the window and then over at Niall.She smiled widely at him and then kissed him.This would be an amazing day.And she was glad they were all together.Even if there still was a storm going on around everything, the four of them together could just be great, as they always were.She smiled and relaxed against Niall as he leaned closer to her to watch out the window with her.

 

After about 45 minutes in the air, the helicopter started to slowly descend.Julie was watching around her trying to figure out where they were going.What they were doing.It was hard to speak in the helicopter because of the noise, so Harry was lucky or she would have been questioning him the entire time.She would have never picked a helicopter ride herself, ever, but it was absolutely breath-taking.She saw a lot of South Africa from above, and it was amazing.It beat rooftops and hills.After they pretty much touched down, she turned to Harry and kissed him and smiled and kissed him again."That was amazing!"She said loudly so hopefully he could hear her over the blades of the helicopter.She practically jumped into his arms hugging him around his neck and kissed him again."Thank you!"

 

Harry held her tightly in his arms and closed his eyes.She never showed excitement much.She was reserved and calm, which he understood.She was always so worried about others reactions, so she held hers in.Her jumping into his arms in Tahoe and then this now was her opening up.Showing him parts of her that she'd learned to hide.He kissed her head and then looked down at her."My pleasure.Always."He got out of the helicopter and lifted her down.They hurried away from the blades and waited for Niall and Amanda.

 

"Ok, so tell us now.Where are we?"Julie said."It looks like some sort of National Park or something."

 

"Observant, are we?"Harry laughed.He knew she had been trying to figure it out.

 

"Oh, come on."Amanda said."You already got us here.Spill it already."

 

Harry laughed."Ok, we're at Pilanesberg Game Reserve for a private tour.We'll go out in a safari vehicle around the park.They usually do the tours only once a day, but they set it up for us so we would have our own private tour.Beautiful landscape and should see lots of animals, big animals."He said.

 

Julie looked at him shocked."Seriously?"Wow.Large animals.She had read about these types of things.Being out in the wild with large animals in their natural habitats.But she'd never dreamed she would be doing it.It was exhilarating and scary.But she was SO excited.Before she realized what was happening, her eyes filled with tears and she looked up at Harry.She was overwhelmed that he'd put this all together so quickly.How he would even know she would want to do something like this."I can't believe you did this.I'm so excited."

 

Harry smiled as he watched her practically bounce up and down holding onto his arm.Ok he had to admit he'd never expected this type of reaction.He had hoped she would be excited about it, but this was beyond what he'd expected.He was so glad.Another thing on his to do list.He wanted to see her show more excitement as well.He liked it.A lot."Don't thank me.Please.I wanted to do it.I'm so glad to see you so happy about it though."He leaned down and kissed her and took her hand and walked with her to the park.

 

"This is a pretty amazing experience."Amanda said to Niall."But Harry did Paris, and Harry now did this.I'm waiting for mine."She teased.

 

"Hey, Tahoe was mine.Paris didn't start out with us supposed to be there.Or this one for that matter.So just be quiet." Niall said to Amanda."But let's have a blast on Harry since he did set it up."He laughed and took her hand.

 

The tour was amazing.The view of everything.The landscape of the park.The volcanos.It was breathtakingly gorgeous.And the animals.The brilliantly beautiful and brilliantly large animals.And they got SO close.Julie couldn't believe this was her day.It was going SO fast though.She didn't want it to end.There was a time during their trek in the vehicle when they slowed down close to a pride of lions.They got extremely close.Julie grabbed onto Harry's arm and got extremely close to him, but she couldn't take her eyes from the animals.It was amazing and huge and so beautiful.She still couldn't believe this was her life.

 

Harry was enjoying himself immensely; the tour was amazing in itself.But the smile never left Julie's face the entire time.He loved her grabbing his arm when she got scared.He loved the look on her face when she watched the animals.He loved the happiness sparkling in her eyes the whole day.They had stopped for something to eat and were about to be on their way again when a couple of the tour guides took Julie and Amanda to see a few wandering elephants a little closer.Harry leaned back against the vehicle with Niall."Well, I would say today was a success."

 

"Yeah, JJ seems extremely happy to be here.You did well, bro."Niall teased."Amanda's loving it too.She's been non-stop about how great it's been."They had traveled in two vehicles so both couples were together.This was the first time they were together as four all day.

 

"Well I'm glad because I was in the dog house with her too."Harry said laughing.He watched the guides and the girls.Julie was laughing with one of the guides.He couldn't blame the guide for flirting a little. I mean, look at her.Especially when she was this happy, she had this magnetic quality.He smiled when the guide got her to touch the elephant's trunk and interact with the elephant.That tinge of jealously was always there though.Silly, since he was standing right there.What did he think would happen?Oh well, he had to do something about it.He started walking towards them, but before he knew it Julie was jumping into his arms.When her legs wrapped around his waist, he spun her around to keep his balance."Hey!"He laughed.

 

"Hi!"She said excitedly leaning back a little to look into his face."Did you see that?That was incredible.That trunk is SO strong.I swear it could have just picked me up in a second."

 

Harry laughed.When she paced her words so fast in her cute American accent he had a hard time understanding her."Well, he needs to leave my girl alone.Do I need to go have a talk with him?"

 

Julie laughed."It's a girl elephant, Harry.But sure, if you think she needs a talking to.Just be careful.She's strong.And cute."

 

"I love seeing you so happy.Seriously, it is amazing."He said as he helped her down making sure her feet gently hit the ground.

 

"This day has been the most incredible day.I can't thank you enough."She stood on her toes and kissed him.

 

Well, guess he had no reason to be jealous.He kissed her back and then smiled down into her eyes."I hope I can continue to make you this happy."

 

"Oh, I don't know about that."She teased."Harry, you've done so much for me, but this, right now, just is so incredible."

 

"I'm glad you think so my love."He took her hand when the guides came back to the vehicles.The rest of the day was spent going through the entire park.Watching Julie and even watching Amanda enjoy all the little perks of what he had been able to set up was worth it all.He was happy.The stress of the times was temporarily forgotten.Harry had thought that Julie would like it, but her reaction to it all was overwhelming him.It was good to see her let loose.Forget everything going wrong and just go with nature.It was absolutely something he wanted more of.This day, through all the drama, would be something he would cherish forever.It filled his heart.It was a wonderful feeling.


	61. Chapter 61

Later that night, they were all sitting at a magnificent restaurant, a private part opened up just for them with an amazing view of a watering hole in the park.  They were sitting next to a wall made fully of windows and you could see everything for miles.  The moon was so bright that it lit up the entire landscape.  There couldn't have been a better view.  Julie hadn't stopped smiling all day.  Her cheeks hurt, but she still couldn't stop.  The day she'd just had was beyond her wildest dreams.  She had always loved animals; in fact, sometimes she thought she loved animals more than people.  Except for the company she had now, and maybe a few others.  But just watching the animals out in nature was amazing.  When she caught movement out the window, she got up and stood at them looking out.  A couple of hippos had made their way to the watering hole.  She glanced to her left when she felt an arm go around her shoulders.  "Hey, Niall."  She said as she looked back out the window.  "This is so amazing."

 

"Yes, it is."  He rubbed her shoulder.  "I think I've seen you smile more today than you have the entire time I've known you combined."  He laughed when she elbowed his ribs.  "I like it.  You and Harry had me worried for a while."

 

"We're fine.  I don't really want to talk about it.  But we're fine.  We'll be fine.  We can work it out together."  Julie said watching the hippos.  She was so amazed by the way they moved, the way they sauntered into the water.  And the baby hippo pulled at her heart.  So cute.

 

"I know. I believe in you remember.  I know how strong you are."  Niall said squeezing her shoulder.  He stood there with her just watching how she enjoyed the moment.  She seriously was changing.  He could see it.  To think he even had a tiny part in her growth was an amazing feeling.  She was always strong, but had just never realized it.  She now seemed to realize she could handle herself in every situation.  She didn't close up and run. She stood her ground and was there for others.  "I'm proud of you."  He kissed her head.

 

"Oh, shush, Niall."  She said to him looking at the ground and blushing.  "That's enough sweet.  But thank you."  She leaned against his side and watched out the window.  She would always be forever grateful to Niall.  First for making Panda happy and then for being an amazing and supportive friend to her.  She was content for the first time in her adult life.  She was going to try to enjoy it.

 

Amanda watched JJ and Niall.  She was glad they had such a good friendship.  She was happy they seemed to be able to rely on each other.  She liked her best friend and her boyfriend getting along so well.  It made spending time with two of the people she loved the most, easy.  She had never seen JJ so happy either.  To this day, there were always moments when JJ was deep into her head, thinking and worrying about things maybe she shouldn't.  Even though the days were getting better, there were still those times.  But not today.  Today she was happy and eager and actually excited.  Amanda had never realized before that she hadn't seen JJ show this type of excitement.  She had always been so mellow and calm.  Even if JJ liked something, she remained reserved.  It was good to see some actual excitement come out of her.  When Amanda watched JJ run and jump into Harry's arms earlier, she couldn't help but smile.  That excitement, the not caring what anyone thought about her reaction, was something she wasn't sure she would ever see.  It was nice.  Amanda needed to thank Harry for that.  No matter how upset she was with Harry, he obviously knew what JJ would like and made sure it happened.  She looked over at Harry when he came back and sat down.  He'd been arranging the travel back to the hotel after dinner.  "I have to hand it to you Harry. You couldn't have made this a better day for JJ."

 

"Yeah, she seemed to love it, right?"  Harry said smiling at Amanda and then glancing at Julie and Niall.  "Still seems to be loving it."  He looked back at Amanda.  "Have to admit. Even I didn't expect her to like it quite as much as she seems to.  Or at least I didn't expect her to be as animated about it as she has been."

 

"Yeah, surprised me too.  I guess I never realized how much of herself she truly hid because she was afraid of being judged."  Amanda said.  She then smiled at him.  "Seeing her run to you and jump in your arms, Harry, was probably the highlight of my day.  I loved seeing that from her.  I think she will always be a little self-conscious of her actions; but when it comes to you, she doesn't seem to think about it.  I will forever be grateful for that."

 

"Well, I love seeing her happy, and excited.  I've made it my mission to make it happen more often."  He thought back to his birthday in London and earlier today.  He had a lot of goals now.  But he loved to see her smile, and hear her laugh and see her excitement.  Amanda was right. It probably wouldn't always be this way, but if there were times that Julie forgot about everything but the present and the natural reaction, he would take it.

 

"Well, you did a good job today, friend."  Amanda got up and went and kissed Harry's cheek.  "I thank you."  She patted his shoulder and then walked up and squeezed herself between JJ and Niall.  "My turn to spend some time with my bestie.  Go away, Niall."  Amanda said laughing and then kissing him.  "Just for a bit please."  She laughed.

 

"Fine.  But only because you asked so nicely."  He shook his head and then kissed her and walked back to the table.

 

Amanda placed her arm around JJ's waist and leaned her head on JJ's shoulder.  "Hey, great day eh?"

 

"Yes.  It's been amazing.  It's been so nice to just do this and forget about everything for a while.  This whole adventure has been a dream come true.  Seeing all of these animals in their natural habitat and seeing them interacting with each other and nature.  It's been eye opening.  Who wouldn't want a safari with their boyfriend and best friends?  And I got the true adventure in South Africa.  I can't complain."  Julie said wrapping her arm around Amanda's waist as well.  "I mean, plus I like animals better than people anyway."

 

Amanda laughed.  "Sure, JJ.  Anything to get out of the sweet moment.  But don't think I missed it.  I liked seeing you so excited."

 

"Yeah, yeah."  Julie smiled though.  "It's great Panda.  The adrenaline from the moment we entered the helicopter until now even has been crazy.  You might be mad at Harry, but he did this for me.  And I can't believe it."

 

"Well, I'm not a fan of the way he took things out on you, but I can tell he's honestly sorry about it.  I'm not quite letting him off the hook yet, but I'm not mad at him.  I just don't want to see him hurt you."  Amanda said.

 

"I know.  But I'm ok.  Hurt happens.  It's after the hurt that counts.  No one's perfect.  I've hurt my share of people, especially you guys.  And y'all are still around for me."  Julie shrugged.  She kissed Amanda's head and then walked with her back to the table.  She took Harry's hand and sat on his lap when he pulled her to him.  She buried her face into his neck and wrapped her arms around him.  This day was amazing.  He was amazing.  They would get through whatever they needed to if she could help it.  No matter what happened, she'd never felt safer, never felt more loved, never felt happier.  She pulled back after a few minutes and looked at him.  "Can I have one?"

 

Harry gave her a side glance.  What was she talking about? She never asked him for anything.  He was now more than curious.  "Can you have one what, exactly?"

 

"A baby hippo." Julie said smiling at him.

 

"A baby hippo?"  Harry laughed.  Of course it would be something like that, and not something he could actually give her.  "I would love too, baby.But I think that may be impossible even for me.  Where would you keep it?"

 

"You mean, he won't fit in my apartment?"  She play pouted.  "It's SO cute.  I just want one.  Or an elephant.  What about a baby elephant?"

 

"And what would we do with them when they grew up, love?"  Harry asked.  He was definitely amused by this conversation, but he enjoyed it.

 

"Oh, why do you always have to dash my dreams?"  She said to him pushing on his chin.

 

"Sorry, you know I would give you whatever I could.  But this, I'm just not even sure I could pull off."  He said smiling at her.

 

"I know."  She hugged him tightly again.  "Thank you, so much, for today.  I never thought I would ever get to do anything like this.  Especially not in the middle of South Africa.  I'm so grateful to have someone as thoughtful as you in my life.  And lucky enough to have you love me."

 

Harry smiled and rubbed her back.  "I feel the same way.  I'm so glad you love me, and you let me love you."

 

"I love how you always thank me for letting you love me."  Julie laughed.  "I never understand that.  I'm the lucky one.  Even when you're throwing fits."

 

"Had to bring that up, did you?"  He shook his head at her.

 

"Yes, because I want you to know that I love all of you.  Even your temperamental, irrational, outbursts."  She said putting her hand on his cheek and kissing him.  "I love you, Harry.  Thank you so much for today again."

 

"I love you, too."  He searched her eyes.  The deep beautiful blue eyes he'd fallen for the moment she'd let him actually see them.  He was amazed at what he could see in them.  They changed.  Maybe not so much in color but in transparency.  It's almost like you could see her hiding before.  See her closed off to the world.  Now, you could see through them.  She let him.  He saw her in them.  Saw the depth of her, the way the fear was no longer there.  He saw her opening up through them.  He also thought he could see the love she had for him in them.  At least that's what he wanted to believe.  "I'm just glad you're here.  I'm glad we had this day."

 

"Me too."  She smiled and got off his lap.  She sat in the chair next to him and laughed when he pulled the chair closer and wrapped his arm around her.  She leaned into him and picked up a roll and threw it at Amanda and Niall who were cuddling on the other side of the table.  "Get a room."

 

Niall laughed.  "Dammit JJ, stop throwing things.  And really?  From where I sit you were doing the same thing."

 

"You lie, Niall.  I would never."  Julie said picking up another roll and picking at it.

 

"JJ, why?  I mean, just why?"  Amanda said laughing.

 

"Oh, you guys would be bored without me.  Pretend you wouldn't."  Julie said.

 

"Oh, you definitely keep us on our toes."  Niall said shaking his head.  He let Amanda off his lap because the food was coming.  "But sometimes, you could just shut up."  He laughed when Amanda backhanded him.  "What?"

 

"Be nice."  She said to him.

 

"Oh, like you weren't thinking it."  Niall said rubbing his stomach.

 

"Yes, but I'm her best friend.  I'm the only one who can tell her to shut up."  Amanda said laughing.

 

"Will you kids stop fighting?  I mean, geez, can't even have one peaceful dinner when you're around.  Can't I just eat in peace?"  Julie said.

 

Harry laughed.  "Ok, shush now."  He said to Julie.

 

"Did you just shush me?  I mean, seriously?"  Julie said pretending she was hurt.  She put her hand on her heart.  "I'm hurt.  How dare you."

 

"Oh, good grief.  You're not fooling anyone."  Harry said.  He kissed her hand and then let her go so they could eat.  He couldn't forget the trouble that was going on right now, not permanently.  But right now, he was happy, he was content.  More than that, he was grateful.

 

When dinner was over, they walked outside to take one last ride back to the entrance and the helicopter waiting to take them home.  When they arrived at the gates, they got out of the vehicles and one of the guides called them over.  As they got out of the vehicles, they saw a massive snake slithering slowly over the ground.  Harry grabbed Julie's hand when she went to go closer and pulled her backwards.  "Um, where are you going?"

 

"To see this.  It's amazing."  She said trying to pull from his grip.  He wouldn't let go.  She laughed.  "Harry, either you have to let go or you have to come with me."

 

Harry was torn.  He didn't want to let her go, but he didn't want to go with her either.  "Um, here's fine.  Can't we just stay here?"

 

Julie laughed and looked him.  He was scared.  Of a snake.  "It won't hurt you, Harry."  She said.  "Ok, let me go then; you stay here.  I will save you."  She pulled her hand from his when he let go reluctantly.  "It's ok, babe.  I got you."  She said as she stepped towards the snake.

 

"Julie."  Harry groaned.  But she was already out of his reach.  He should be going with her.  Making sure she was ok, but he couldn't.  Why was she not even a little afraid of the huge snake she was heading straight towards?  "Is she insane?"  He asked Niall and Amanda who stood next to him.

 

Amanda laughed.  "Maybe a little, but it's just a snake,Harry."  She watched JJ though.  She definitely wasn't a tad bit scared of that very large snake.  "Ok, I'm taking some of her non-fear and going and seeing this too."  Amanda said walking towards JJ.

 

"Oh, well, don't I feel silly now?"  Niall said standing back with Harry.  "I'm not going near that thing."

 

"Yeah, me either.  But what is happening here?"  Harry said watching the girls.  He took a step forward when Julie bent down and started to pick up the snake.  Ok, this guide was getting on his nerves; he was going to help drape a really large snake over his girlfriend.  What the fuck.  "Um, I don't think this is a very good idea.  Baby, seriously."  Harry called out to Julie.

 

"It's fine, Harry."  Julie said quietly.  She was amazed at how strong the snake was.  How heavy it was.  She held it the way the guide told her and slowly wrapped it around her shoulders.  She could barely hold it.  She smiled and then encouraged Amanda to do the same.  It was so big it could wrap around the two of them a couple of times.

 

Amanda let the guide help position the end of the snake around her shoulders as well.  "Oh, my god."  She said quietly.  It was heavy.  She was a bit nervous, but JJ didn't seem nervous at all.  "How can this not scare you?"  She asked JJ just as quietly.

 

"I don't know.  I think it's cool."  Julie said gently taking the snake's neck and lifting it up so she could look at it.  When it started to move, she tried to hold it tighter.  She was having a hard time though.  The guide took the back end off of Amanda and then tried to help Julie get the snake off of her, but the snake wanted to wrap itself tighter around her.

 

Harry watched the scene.  The snake seriously didn't want to let loose.  He didn't know what to do.  He took another step forward.  "Come on."  He said.  He was getting impatient.  But he watched Julie, and she was calm.  She slowly and gently but forcefully helped get the snake from around her shoulders and put it gently on the ground.  She stepped back and watched it move into the distance.  He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her.  "Don't do that again, please.  That was scary."

 

"No, it wasn't.  It was amazing."  Julie said watching as the snake slithered further away from them.

 

"You're shaking."  Harry said holding her tighter.

 

"Yeah, but I'm not scared.  It was a rush."  She said turning towards him and looking up at him.  "I can't believe you were so scared.  With the snakes you've been with, you should have felt right at home."  She said to him.

 

Amanda busted up laughing.  She knew right away who JJ was referring to.  She wasn't referring to literal snakes.  She looked at Niall when he lightly slapped her shoulder.  "What?  Oh come on, it was funny."

 

Niall couldn't help but laugh.  "No, don't encourage her."

 

Harry looked down at her.  It took him a minute to comprehend what she was talking about.  "Julie."  He said shaking his head.  He should be mad that she'd said it, but he wasn't.  He laughed.  "Not funny, cut that out."  He took her hand and walked her back towards the entrance.  He jumped when something moved at his feet.  Before he knew it, Julie was bending down in front of him.

 

"Don't worry babe. I will continue to save you from snakes of all kinds."  She said as she picked up the small snake that was moving around in front of them.

 

"Not funny."  He said stepping back when she showed him the small snake wrapping itself around her wrist.  "Put it down.  Don't come near me.  And stop with the jokes."  He stepped back again.  "Julie, stop."  He said as she stepped towards him.

 

Julie laughed a little but decided not to torture him anymore.  "Ok, I will send this little one on it's way too.  Guess I can't keep him either."  She walked further away and set the snake down and let it slither away from them.  "Long as you're not keeping any of your snakes around either."  She said walking back towards him.

 

"Damn it, woman."  Harry said to her.  "Stop playing with snakes."

 

"As long as you stop."  She said trying to mask her laughter.  She wasn't very successful.

 

"Alright, enough of that."  He said laughing.  He went and grabbed her and picked her up.  "Enough sass, enough snakes, enough teasing."  He carried her through the gate and towards the helicopter.

 

"No fun."  She said holding on around his neck.  She kissed his neck as he carried her.

 

"Stop that.  Not fair.  Not until we get alone.  With a locked door."  He growled at her.

 

She laughed at him when he set her in the helicopter.  "Thought you didn't mind it out in the open. I mean that's what you said on the roof."

 

Harry looked at her shocked.  "What has gotten into you?"  He touched her cheek and ran his thumb over her lips.  "Behave, for a little bit at least."

 

"Oh, it will be hard.  Today was such a turn on."  She said to him buckling her seat belt.

 

"Damn it, Julie."  He said to her.  He could feel the heat in his cheeks.  He was blushing, damn it.  It was usually him teasing her when it came to this.

 

"What are we damning JJ about now?"  Amanda said climbing into the helicopter and sitting across from them with Niall.

 

"Oh, he's just mad I was playing with the wrong kind of snake tonight."  Julie said looking down and fixing her buckle.

 

"Julie!!!!"  Harry exclaimed.  He knew right away to what she was referring.  He was so not used to it coming from her.

 

Amanda couldn't control her laughter.  She wasn't used to that coming from her friend either.  She couldn't even speak she was laughing so hard.  "Oh, my god."  She barely got out.

 

Niall laughed at JJ and then at Amanda and then at the shocked look on Harry's face.  "JJ, that's probably something you should have kept to yourself."

 

"I mean y'all tell me I don't share enough.  Make up your minds."  Julie shrugged.  She looked at all of them laughing at her.  She loved it.  She loved the way this felt.  She loved the feeling of being comfortable and not being judged for saying the things she said, or her sarcastic nature.  Her being a smart ass.  She never felt comfortable being just herself before.  She always thought carefully about what she said before she said it, but not tonight.  Not now, and they all just laughed with her.  It was an amazing feeling.  She didn't know what that was.  She didn't know she could have people with her that loved her for her.  For truly being herself and speaking whatever came to mind instead of thinking of it.  She called them her cringe worthy moments, when her mouth worked faster than her brain.  They seemed to enjoy her being her.

 

"Yeah, maybe not THAT."  Niall said shaking his head.

 

"Well, I've been told it's nothing to be ashamed about.  And it was completely normal."  Julie said leaning against Harry when he put his arm around her.

 

"Ok, just be quiet now."  Harry said as the helicopter came to life and started their journey back to the hotel.  He enjoyed this day immensely.  And he couldn't be happier right now.


	62. Chapter 62

The day had been long, and the ride back from the helicopter to the hotel, even though short, seemed like forever.  Julie had fallen asleep on Harry's shoulder.  He kissed her head and then touched her cheek.  "Hey, baby, we're back at the hotel."  He smiled at her when she slowly opened her eyes.  "Hi, sorry you didn't get to sleep long."

 

"Oh, sorry I fell asleep."  She picked her head up off his shoulder.  "Just such an amazing day, guess the adrenaline finally wore off."

 

"Oh, it's great.  I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to fall asleep."  He looked at the swarm of fans at the entrance.  He saw them watching the SUV as it slowly made its way to the front of the hotel.  He looked at Niall who nodded at him and then he leaned forward and spoke to the driver.  "Drop us off here with security.  Then take the girls through the parking garage entrance please."  When the driver agreed he kissed Julie quick.  "I will meet you at the room, ok?  Do you have your key?"

 

Julie smiled at him.  "Yes, I do.  Thank you."  She cupped his cheek and kissed him quick again before they pulled up front.  She and Amanda sat low in the back of the SUV which thankfully had dark tinted windows.  When Harry and Niall got out, she watched as the crowd immediately swarmed them.  She shouldn't have been surprised at what they would do to keep the girls safe and out of the spotlight, but she was amazed.  Harry and Niall knew if they took pics and signed autographs the girls most likely could enter unscathed.

 

Amanda got out and waited for Julie.  "Well, guess it's true, and they get swarmed everywhere they go."

 

Julie grabbed her bag and linked her arm with Amanda's.  "Yeah, and they are so amazing for going straight through to keep me out of the spotlight."

 

"Oh, me too. I don't really care if everyone knows I'm with Niall, but the way I'm feeling right now, this is much better."  Amanda laughed and walked into the hotel with JJ.  "This was a pretty spectacular day."

 

"Yes, I couldn't have asked for more.  They are amazing boyfriends, and I'm suspecting it has nothing to do with them being mega super stars."  Julie said stepping into the elevator with Amanda.

 

"Yeah," Amanda laughed.  "But it doesn't hurt either.  I mean we traveled to the park in a fucking helicopter."

 

Julie laughed.  "True.  It definitely didn't hurt."

 

Amanda hugged JJ tightly as they got to Niall's room.  "I'm glad things are on the mend.  I'm glad you look so happy.  And I'm glad, once again, I got to experience all of this with my best friend."

 

Julie closed her eyes and smiled when Amanda hugged her.  But when they pulled back she simply said.  "Stop being so sappy.  Goodnight Panda."

 

"JJ, why?  I'm going to keep asking you until you answer me."  Amanda laughed and shook her head as she watched JJ shrug her shoulders and then walk down the hallway to Harry's room.

 

Niall walked in when Amanda was getting out of the shower.  "Hey, they sure kept you busy out there, didn't they?"  She asked him when he plopped down on the couch.

 

"Yeah, but we wanted to make sure you guys got in without any trouble.  Especially JJ, I don't think Harry wanted to push his luck since she's been dealing so well with everything."

 

"Yes, she is.  And I'm pretty sure she was thrilled not to have to go through the crowd."  She said sitting on his lap.  "Thank you so much for agreeing to go today.  I loved every second of it."

 

"So did I, love."  He wrapped his arms around her.  I was glad to see you so happy and enjoying yourself."

 

"Yeah, I love it when we are all together and things seem right.  I know things aren't great yet with what is happening, but it was nice to get away."

 

"Yes, it was.  But I'm not ready to go back there right now.  Let's stay in our own little bubble for a while yet."  He ran his hand around her back and under her shirt.  "You shouldn't have showered so quickly."  He looked up into her eyes.

 

"Oh, I have no problems showering again."  She leaned down and kissed his lips.  She put her hands on his neck.

 

"Good."  He mumbled against her lips.  He deepened the kiss and slid his hands further up her shirt running his hands over her back.  He stood up and picked her up still holding her close to him and continuing to kiss her.  He walked her towards the bed and set her on her feet.  He stepped back and watched her as he removed her shirt over her head and threw it aside.  "You remember when we said always being naked would be a good thing.  Well you have too many clothes on."

 

Amanda laughed.  "Yes babe, I remember.  But it's only fair if you take off yours too.  Let me help you."  She reached for his shirt and pulled it up over his head.

 

"So, how's this gonna go?"  Niall asked laughing.  "Are we going to struggle for control again?"

 

"Well, you could just give it to me and then we wouldn't have to."  Amanda said laughing at him.

"No, I've already been tied up.  I think it's your turn."  Niall said stepping closer to her and unbuttoning her pants and dropping them to the floor.  He picked her up and carried her to the bed.

 

"Oh, you're going to tie me up?"  Amanda laughed holding onto him around his neck.

 

"Maybe."  He said as he threw her on the bed.

 

"Oh, I'm so excited!"  Amanda exclaimed.

 

"Amanda."  Niall said laughing.  "I'm not sure that type of excitement should come when I say I'm going to tie you up."

 

"Oh, trust me; yes, it is."  She laughed.

 

"I don't think I have the right materials though, Princess, unless you packed the silk scarfs just in case."  Niall shook his head at her.

 

"No, I was too much in a hurry!  I should have, damn it!"  Amanda said disappointed.

 

Niall laughed harder.  "Oh geez, well I'm sure I can manage."  He winked at her and climbed over her.  He took the pillow cases off two of the king-sized pillows and rolled them up.  "Oh, I think this will do."  He straddled her and looked down at her.  He tied the pillow cases together as she watched.  He couldn't help but smiled wickedly at her.  He grabbed her wrist and tied one end on that wrist and then he grabbed the other and tied the other end of the pillowcases around that one.  He took the middle of the pillowcases and hooked it over the post in the middle of the head board.  He climbed off her and looked down at her.  "So, you still excited?"

 

Amanda couldn't believe he did all this and got up.  "Yes!  But where the hell are you going?"  She asked laughing.

 

"Oh, nowhere.  I just wanted a good look at this."  He stood back and looked.  "Oh, I think I do like this."  He took his clothes off showing him ready for her, but he wanted to watch her go crazy the way she'd made him go crazy before he left LA.  He climbed back on the bed and up slowly between her legs until he was face to face with her.  "So, you think you can handle this?"

 

She pulled her hands a little and the ties on her wrists got tighter.  "Oh, I am not used to this."

 

"Oh, so you've always been the one tying guys up, have you?"  Niall asked curious.

 

Amanda laughed.  "Actually, I've dreamed about it.  But you, my love, were the first.  But I'd like to do it again."

 

"Well, I'm enjoying being the captor."  He laughed as he kissed down her neck to her chest.  When she took in a deep breath, he smiled against her breast.  He kissed further down her stomach and felt her muscles clenching.  He could tell she was pulling tighter on the ties, but he just kept going.  He made his way to her belly button and then below.  He put his hand on her leg and moved it to give himself better access as he made his way lower.

 

Amanda gasped when his mouth found her.  Her legs moved automatically towards his head, but his hands grabbed her thighs.  He was driving her mad.  Which was his intention she was sure.  "Oh god, Niall."  She groaned.  His mouth on her driving her crazy with his tongue.  Feeling his hands grip her thighs tighter drove her even more insane.  And she now realized just how she wanted her hands.  But she couldn't use them.  The ties just pulled tighter and tighter the more she tried to move them.  "Son of a bitch."  She said as she moved her head side to side.

 

Niall didn't stop.  Oh, he definitely wanted her as crazy as he had been back in LA.  He moved his hands further up the inside of her thighs and then used one hand and his fingers to help work her while his tongue still moved around her.  He was high on the fact her body moved almost out of control at his touch.  He felt her start to clench and her legs clench more together, but he wasn't going to stop.  He wanted her to feel that high and then that release.

 

"Niall!!!"  She screamed out when her body went crazy.  She pulled harder on the ties as her body orgasmed and the pleasure spread through her body.  "Stop! Stop! You have to stop!"  She said to him as her body moved uncontrollably.

 

Niall smiled as he took his mouth and fingers from her and moved up over her.  "Oh, I like this reaction."  He got to her face and kissed her.

 

"Untie me."  Amanda said when he kissed her.  "Let me touch you."

 

"No, not yet."  He said as he moved his way between her legs.  I want to finish this."  He said as he moved to her and slowly entered her.

 

"Oh geezus."  Amanda said as he moved inside.  She still couldn't move her arms and her wrists.  Ok, so it was hot and intense, but she really wanted to be able to touch him.  "Untie me, babe.  Let me touch you."

 

Niall moved slowly at first and then a bit faster and harder.  His hand rubbed over her breast as she asked again to be untied.  He reached up and unhooked the pillowcases from the post.  He groaned as he took one hand and loosened one end on her wrist.  He let her get her wrist out and untie the other.  When her nails dug into his back he kissed her.  He let his tongue wander around her mouth as he thrust hard.  He felt her start to clench around him again and that was it.  He released into her.  Never slowing down until he was coming down from his high.  He kissed her a few times.  "God, I love you."

 

Amanda pushed her head back against the pillow and laughed.  "I love you, too.  I can't imagine my life without you, my love."  She lay on his chest when he lay beside her.  "I guess I have to shower again.  And you too."

 

"Later, love, later."  He said as he kissed her head and held her.  He loved the feeling of being in love and having her with him.  He closed his eyes and held her tightly as they fell asleep.

 

Harry walked into the room a bit later.  The only light on was a small lamp in the bedroom.  He walked to the door of the room and leaned on the doorframe.  There he was, watching her again.  This time she was holding the baby hippo he had gotten for her when they were leaving the restaurant.  Luckily, they had a gift shop and lots of baby animals to choose from.  She was holding it out in front of her and swaying slowly back and forth.  She then hugged it tightly and closed her eyes.  She would make a great mother one day he caught himself thinking.  Now where the hell did that come from?  The thought hit him out of nowhere.  He shook his head.  Get that thought out of your head, Styles.  He cleared his throat and smiled when she looked at him, and she blushed.  "I'm glad you love him."

 

She was embarrassed.  He wasn't supposed to see that.  She thought she would have heard him come in.  "I do.  He's almost as good as the real thing."  She set the baby hippo down on the bed and walked up to him.  "But not as good as you."  She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest.  Today was a good day.  Today was more than she could have ever asked for.  Today he'd made her feel she was an equal and worth the time and attention to plan this amazing trip.  "I can never thank you enough for all you do for me."

 

"You don't have to."  Harry said as he wrapped his arms around her.  He closed his eyes and laid his head on hers.  "You never have to.  You are everything to me.  And even though I haven't shown it lately, I mean it."

 

"Well, I'm still going to say it.  Whenever I get the opportunity."  She pulled back from him slightly and looked up at him.

 

"Baby, you don't...."  He started to say.

 

"Shush now."  She said.  "Remember in Tahoe, how I told you that one day I was going to get my very own show?  And you were going to be patient?"  She stepped back and started to undo the buttons on the light jacket she was still wearing.

 

"Um, yes."  He watched her closely.  "But, I also told you that would probably never happen.  I could never be that patient."

 

"Well, learn."  She said dropping the jacket and slipping her shoes off.  The tight tank top was all that remained on her top as she stepped towards him.

 

"Julie, I swear to you. After the other night, I'm telling you I won't be able to be patient."  He watched her hands go to his hoodie and t-shirt.  This time they weren't shaking at all.  She grabbed the bottom of his shirts and lifted them both up over his head at the same time.

 

"Harry, learn.  Don't argue."  She undid his belt buckle and slid the belt out of his pants quickly.  "We could use this if you get out of control."  She said snapping the belt and laughing at the look on his face.

 

"You wouldn't!"  He said as he watched her snap the belt.  "Oh my god, what have you done with my girlfriend?"

 

"Oh, she's here.  But she's learning she likes control every now and again."  Julie smiled and walked closer to him.  She wrapped the belt around his back and pulled her to him.  "And I'm guessing my boyfriend doesn't mind so much."

 

"Oh, he doesn't.  He's one lucky bastard."  He said watching her.  When she stood on her toes and kissed him he leaned further down.  He felt her moving and before he knew it the belt was wrapped around his wrists and his hands were tied in front of him.  "What the fuck?"  He looked at her shocked.

 

"Sneaky, right?"  She said laughing and stepping back from him.  "So, now you have to behave."  She took the bottom of her tank top and inched it up her stomach.

 

"Oh, if you think this will hold me while you tease the shit out of me, you are mistaken."  He said stepping towards her.  She'd done a good job on it though; he couldn't loosen his hands.  "Damn it."

 

Julie laughed and inched the tank top higher.  "So, not as easy to get out of as you thought, huh?"  She took the tank top off over her head slowly.  "Too bad, 'cause maybe your hands could be doing this...."  She said as she ran them down her stomach to the button on her jeans.

 

"Fuck me."  Harry said as he stopped and watched her.

 

"Oh, I will get there.  I know which snake you want me to play with tonight."  She said to him as seductively as she could.

 

"What the fuck?"  He said.  Seriously where did his girlfriend go?  The one who overthought everything she said.  The one who was worried about his reaction and the unconfident shy girl in the bedroom.  He squeezed his hands into fists hoping it would loosen the belt, but it didn't.  How she wrapped it around so tightly, so quickly, he couldn't figure out.  He never took his eyes from her as she slowly lowered her jeans and stepped from them.  She was standing there in her bra and panties.  Barely paying any mind to him.  He watched her unclasp her bra and drop it to the floor, hands running over her breasts.  "Ok, yes, you're driving me insane. I want to be the one doing that.  Could you undo my wrists now?"

 

"No, not yet."  She said.  She walked up to him and led him to the bed by the belt around his wrists.  She started to undo the button on his pants when his arms went over her head; and before she knew it, his bound wrists were behind her pulling her closer. 

 

"Harry."  She laughed.  "This was supposed to keep you patient."

 

"Screw patience."  He said sitting on the bed before she could even undo his pants.  He pulled her to him, wrists still bound behind her and teased her nipple with his tongue.

 

She groaned.  It would be easy to just let him take control and please her like he always did, but that's not what she wanted.  "Damn it, Harry."  It was her turn to damn him.  She slipped underneath his bound hands and stood back.  "I told you. This time it's going to be my show."  She stepped closer and pulled him up by his bound wrists and undid his pants.  His growing anticipation showing in his boxers as she lowered his jeans and let him step out of them.  She pushed him back in a sitting position.  "If I unbind you, will you behave for just a bit?"  She asked.  She debated leaving him bound, but what she wanted to do next the binding would just get in the way.

 

"I told you no already, like three times."  He said watching her.

 

"Well, do it anyway."  She said as she let the belt loose and watched him free his wrists.  When the belt fell to the floor, and he reached for her she stepped back.  "Uh, uh, uh," She said.  "I told you behave anyway."  She walked out of the room for a minute.

 

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"  He asked exasperated.  He shook his head when he heard, 'just sit there and shut up' come from her somewhere in the other room.  He heard music turn on and watched her walk back in.  She had her hands behind her back.  "Baby, what in god's name are you doing?"

 

She smiled sweetly at him and pulled her hands from behind her back.  "I got, just, a bit hungry.  We never had dessert at the restaurant.

 

Harry's eyes grew large at the site of the large strawberries and can of cream she pulled out from behind her back.  "You have got to be fucking kidding me."  He licked his lips and he swore he could taste them along with her body.  His erection becoming painful in his boxers; yet he couldn't move.  He was in shock.  He watched her move slowly to the music walking towards him.  He never realized how much rhythm she had.  He watched her set the bowl of strawberries on the table next to the bed and then spray some cream onto her finger.  He stood up when she slowly licked the cream from her own finger, but she pushed him right back down.  This time when she sprayed her finger with the cream, she put it up to his lips.  He never took his eyes from her when he moved his tongue around her finger cleaning it from the sticky cream.  He watched her turn her back towards him and move back against him.  Her hips still moving to the music.  When her ass touched him even gently, he gasped.  He was hard with anticipation.  His hands instinctively went to her hips and he spread his legs a little further to let her closer.  The rubbing was causing him to go insane already.

 

Julie took a deep breath.  She was trying to throw caution to the wind and just be free and fun.  But she still found herself thinking too much about this.  Maybe she'd watched too many movies.  But he did seem to enjoy it.  And that is what she was going for.  Strawberries and cream.  A little cliché, but definitely hot.  And sexy.  And tasty.  She was practically giving him a lap dance, but again he seemed to enjoy it, so why not just keep moving to the music.  To a song she couldn't even recognize at the moment because of the position she was in.  She felt him.  Right between her legs, rubbing against her as she moved.  He was more than ready.  And that meant he was enjoying it as much as she thought.  She reached over and grabbed a strawberry and then turned around slowly facing him.  She straddled one of his legs and gently and slowly took a bite of the strawberry.  Juice ran down her lip and she watched him as he eyes watched her lips.  He licked and then bit his bottom lip as she bit into the strawberry.  He didn't move his eyes away.  He took his thumb and wiped the juice from her chin and then sucked it off his thumb.  She sprayed some cream onto the rest of the strawberry and put the rest into her mouth.  Purposely leaving some cream on her lips.

 

Harry watched her intently.  Her lips with the strawberry and the juice.  And now the cream.  She was straddling his leg, close to him, so he just reached up and licked the cream from her lips.  He then kissed her.  Deeply, stealing the strawberry right from her mouth.  He sat back and grinned as he chewed it slowly.  "Oh, I'm all for this game.  You have no idea what you've started now."  He said as he grabbed the cream from her hand and then her and laid her back on the bed.  He removed his boxers and her panties and then straddled her legs.

 

"Not fair!"  Julie said laughing as he climbed over her legs.  "This was my idea!"

 

"Oh, it was.  But now, it's my turn for dessert."  He shook the can of cream and sprayed it on her breast and then down her stomach, a trail of cream leading exactly where he wanted his mouth to end up.  He took a strawberry and placed it on the mound of cream he had sprayed over her nipple.  He set the can down and then looked at what he was going to do.  "Oh, I better clean you off."  He watched her chest heave and her stomach move as she was struggling to catch her breath.  She knew what was going to happen and he could tell her body wanted it, needed it.  When he lowered his head to her breast and took the strawberry into his mouth, he saw her hands grab the sheets of the bed.  He used his tongue slowly and gently at first, licking the remaining cream from her breast.  He sucked her nipple to get the rest of the cream off and then let his tongue slowly wander down her stomach cleaning the cream off all the way down.

 

"Holy shit, Harry."  Julie said as she clenched the sheets harder in her hands.  This never worked out how she wanted it to.  He always got the best of her, but oh, her body was craving the feeling.  His tongue gently teasing all the way down her stomach was making her body shake in anticipation of what was going to happen.  The closer he got to his goal the more ache she felt in her core.  She swore she was going to orgasm before he even got there.  "I can't take this."

 

"You can."  He said just before he reached his goal.  The taste of the cream and the strawberries combined with her was incredible.  She was already clenching at her core.  God, he loved that feeling.  Maybe he was still craving that control, but he was high right now.  She was starting to orgasm as he started moving his tongue around her.  It didn't take long until her body moved uncontrollably underneath him.  He held her hips a bit tighter so he could continue through her release.  He grinned when she slowly stopped moving and kissed back up her stomach.  She was breathing hard.  She didn't speak.  He made his way to her lips and kissed her as he entered her.  Moving slowly but deeply.  He knew her spots.  He knew what to do now to make her high.  With all her teasing earlier, he knew once he was in her that he wouldn't last long. He made sure to get right where he needed to be when he entered her.  As she squeezed her thighs around him tighter, he groaned.  When she dug her nails deeply into his back, he felt her clench around him tightly and hard.  He thrust a few more times but then released hard and fast.  As they came down, he finally felt her take her nails from his back.  He felt the scratch marks and the nail prints and laughed.  "Well, good thing I don't go shirtless on stage."  He said as he lay next to her.

 

"I'm not even sorry."  She said as she still struggled to catch her breath.  "That's what you get for stealing my show.  Again."  She curled up next to him.

 

"You're sticky."  He said as he kissed her lips.  "And you taste sweet."  He laughed lightly.

 

"Shut up."  She said kissing his jawline.  "I need a shower.  And don't get any bright ideas, because after today, and tonight, I'm exhausted."  She got up.  She picked up a strawberry and bit it, she leaned down and kissed him and then put the rest of it into his mouth.  "But I do have a new appreciation for strawberries and cream."  She said as she smiled and went to take a shower.

 

Harry laid his head back on the pillow and chewed the strawberry.  He couldn't stop smiling.  "As do I love, as do I."  Wow.  What was happening?  Well, whatever it was, he was still all in.  This girl.  She never ceased to amaze him.  "You are one lucky bastard, Styles."  He said out loud to himself.  After she got out of the shower, he took a quick one while she changed the sheets.  When he came out he couldn't wait to get into bed with her and just hold her.  That's how he knew he was in trouble.  He wanted to do that more than anything else.  Hold her in his arms.  And make sure she was happy and safe.  Love was a crazy emotion.  He smiled until he fell asleep.  Having her in his arms was all he wanted.


	63. Chapter 63

The next day was show day.The boys, as usual, were extremely busy most of the day.They did have a couple of hours between the last interview and the show to just relax and get ready for that evening's performance.The pressure was weighing heavy on all of them.Of course, most of the questions revolved around Zayn leaving, and even though the announcement had gone out, it was something no one really wanted to talk about.By the last interview of the day, the boys felt very frustrated and overwhelmed.Each was managing in a different way.If managing is the right way to put it.

 

"Jesus Christ."Louis exclaimed as they were all brought back to the dressing room areas of the stadium."Give me a fucking break already."

 

"Yeah.They should all shove it."Harry said running his hand through his hair.He was always diplomatic with the answers to the questions.Answering only what needed to be said very succinctly, never getting into the details.Always wishing everyone the best.But he wanted nothing more to do with it right now.Don't ruffle feathers. He always tried to follow the advice his friend, James Corden had given him – "never complain, never explain." He knew what he had to do, but now that they weren't in front of cameras or outsiders, he just wasn't going to hold back anymore.

 

"Come on, guys, of course everyone is curious.We knew we would get questions about this."Liam, ever the peacemaker, said.

 

"Doesn't make me want to fucking answer them, Liam."Harry said to him.

 

"I get everyone's upset.But it's not like we can change it."Liam said once again trying to calm the rest of the guys down.

 

Niall leaned back against the table.He was always calm, but he understood why Louis and Harry were upset.He figured Liam would be pushing his luck though by trying to calm them right now."Maybe it's not the time, Liam."

 

"What do you mean it's not the time?We can't just freak out every time we're asked a question about Zayn.It's going to happen.Just gotta let it go."Liam countered.

 

"Let it go?!?"Harry said standing in the middle of the room."Let it go that he just up and left in the middle of a tour?Left us!Come on Liam!Get real."

 

"I get it Harry."Liam said."But there's nothing we can do.It's what he wanted."

 

"I don't give a shit what he wanted!"Harry said starting to pace.His anger was once again getting the best of him."He obviously didn't give a shit about what we wanted!Yes, we talked about taking a break, but we also knew there was at least this tour to finish!He could have thought about that before he just up and left!Don't tell me he couldn't have!We are all tired and worn out.Doesn't mean we would just up and run away!That's all on him!"He had a lot to say, but he just couldn't get it out.Why did Liam think that he needed to keep the peace right now?It annoyed Harry.

 

"Harry, no one likes it.But it's not like we can change it.We've talked to him; we've told him how we felt.And he still felt he needed to leave.You heard his reasons just like the rest of us did."Liam said calmly.

 

"Fuck his reasons!"Harry said grabbing a mug and throwing it across the room.It was apparently his thing when he got angry.Throwing things.This time though it didn't make him feel any better.He picked up another and threw that one too.Maybe it wouldn't cure his anger, but it sure felt good while he was at it.He took the edge of the table in his hands and flipped it.No matter what anyone said and no matter how calm they were, he was angry and there was nothing that was going to change that.

 

Julie and Amanda were just about to walk into the room, but when they turned into the door Julie saw Harry on his rampage.She stepped back and leaned against the wall next to the door.Holy crap.That scared her.He actually flipped the table.She took a few deep breaths.She could still hear things breaking and people trying to calm him down.

 

Amanda stood in the doorway and looked in.She finally caught Niall's eye, and he came over to her."What's going on?" Amanda asked.

 

Niall looked at her and JJ."We've been asked nonstop about Zayn.Harry's having a hard time with that, and the fact that Liam is trying to be peacemaker."He looked over at JJ."JJ, maybe you should go down to the other room for a bit?Just until he calms down."He could tell she was shaking and scared.He could only imagine how seeing things like that affected her.

 

"No, Niall."She took another deep breath and pushed herself off the wall.She had to suck it up. She had to deal with it.She couldn't just hide and cower.She'd dealt with him angry already, but they had been alone.Somehow this break seemed worse.She could deal with it though.She was listening to everyone else try, but they were just starting to yell at each other.It was just going to get worse."I can do this.I should be the one to do it."She said as she turned in towards the door.

 

"JJ, are you sure?"Amanda asked her.She could tell JJ was fighting with herself, and she could see her still slightly shaking even though she was trying really hard not to.

 

"Let me get his attention first, JJ."Niall said.

 

"No, Niall.I'm ok.I promise."She touched his arm and then Amanda's."I promise.I'm fine."She walked slowly into the room.The yelling and screaming at each other was hard.She hated the conflict.She hated everyone being angry at each other.They didn't need to turn on each other now.They needed each other.

 

Amanda watched JJ slowly walk into the room.JJ was scared she could tell, but she was handling it.Everything was just so different.She hated that JJ had to go through such a test so early in her recovery, but she was doing it.She could see the conflict, but she wasn't running from it. She was fighting her way through it.Amanda was proud of her.She had realized that she wouldn't be needed so much, but this was happening so fast.Usually JJ would look to her for encouragement and confidence, but she wasn't.She found it in herself.Amanda guessed she just needed to keep watching it happen.

 

Niall wrapped his arms around Amanda."Hey, do you wanna get outta here?"

 

"No, not yet.Even though I can tell she will be, I want to make sure she's ok."Amanda told him leaning back against him."How are you?I can imagine the interviews weren't very much fun."

 

"No, they weren't.And I'm as sick of it as the rest of them.I just don't seem to deal with it how they do.We all seem to be dealing with it differently."

 

"Always, my strong confident man.But maybe you shouldn't be.Holding it all in isn't going to be good for you either."Amanda said taking his hands in hers in front of her.

 

"Yes, I know.But we've got time.It's so new that I think we just need to let it sink in first.Harry deals with it all up front. I think I need to figure it out first.Maybe I will break down later."He kissed her head."Long as I have you here, I'm good.Makes it much better."

 

"Thanks, babe, but I know it's hard.I will always be here when you need me."She said, and she meant it.She would be wherever he needed her.She wanted to be.She never thought she would find love like this.She couldn't be happier with her relationship right now.She'd never been so happy in one.She knew it was special.

 

Harry still hadn't seen her, so Julie just kept slowly walking up to him.He was now arguing with Louis as well as Liam. She could tell he was becoming even more tense and losing control even more.She didn't want to see it.She knew how she let him deal with his anger when they were alone.They obviously couldn't do that here.She had to see if she was able to calm him in another way.She should be able to, right?She should be able to help her boyfriend calm down, right?She never could in the past, but that was different, right?Well, she sure hoped so.When she saw him take a step towards Liam, she stepped in between him and Liam.Right, sure, let's just get right in the middle of all the anger.She raised her eyes to try and find his, but didn't say anything.She took her hand and calmly put it on his chest.He didn't look at her at first, so she reached up and touched his cheek with her other hand.Gently turning his head over and down to look at her.

 

Harry was angry and now Louis and Liam were pissing him off even more.He didn't need this right now.He stepped towards Liam ready to make a fist when he felt a hand on his chest.He was annoyed at anyone getting in his way, so he didn't even look down.When he felt a small hand on his cheek imploring him to look down, he finally did.Julie?When did she get here?He felt her thumb stroking his cheek slowly and gently and kept ahold of her eyes.Deep, blue, beautiful, and calm.Maybe a little conflicted, but definitely calm.After a few moments, he looked around the room.It looked like it had just withstood a tornado.She came in and put herself in the middle of the anger, the chaos, the tenseness. For him.He could feel the anger start to dissipate at least a little.When she buried herself into him, he let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.He felt himself start to relax, at least a little.He slowly wrapped his arms around her.

 

Julie took a chance and buried herself into his body.She wanted him to feel her, to know that she was here for him.It took him a bit of time, but he slowly started relaxing some and wrapped her in his arms.She took a few deep breaths which in turn made him do the same.She rubbed his back slowly up and down in long strokes.She felt herself start to relax more as well.Ok, so even she was proud of herself for walking into the middle of that, with not much hesitation.It would have been easier to sit it out and let them handle it themselves, but she didn't want Harry to do anything he would regret.They needed to work through this situation, with each other, not against each other.After a few minutes, she stepped back a little and took his hand.She wanted to get him out of that room.She didn't want him to relax and realize the damage he'd done.She backed up slowly pulling him with her so hopefully he would keep his eyes on her.She glanced quickly to her right and left seeing people cleaning up the mess and saw Louis and Liam walking out the other door.She noticed Niall and Amanda following them.

 

Harry held Julie's hand and followed her.Once again, she was there for him, and before he knew it, she knew what to do.He felt calmer already with her around.What the hell was going on?It's almost like without her there, he was missing something.But when she was around he felt whole.He felt she had whatever he needed to keep him level.He needed to figure this out.These feelings were out of control.She took him into an adjacent room and gently pushed him down on the couch.When he felt her climb into his lap, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.He buried his face in her hair and broke down.He hated all of this.He would usually want his mum through this.And he did still, in a way, but this is what he wanted, needed.He pulled her tighter to him.She still hadn't said a word.She didn't need to.

 

Julie climbed on his lap and just let him let it out.It was a different kind of breakdown this time.It was like watching a mirror.She knew eventually the emotional breakdown would have to happen.It's how she used to deal.Anger, fear, loss of control, push people away, try to fight the pain, and then when that didn't work anymore, complete emotional breakdown.It's like they were reversing rolls.She looked at Amanda and Niall who sat next to them, Amanda on Niall's lap and reached over and tugged Niall's hair a little.She wanted him to know that she would be there for him too.When he took her hand in his, she held it; she then watched Amanda take one of Harry's hands.The four of them together could get through anything.They completed one another.She never felt such a part of something so important.After a few minutes, she pulled back to look at Harry's face."Hey baby," she said as she wiped the tears from his cheeks."I love you."She leaned her forehead on his."You ok?"She kept ahold of Niall's hand and saw Harry kept ahold of Amanda's.

 

"Yeah, baby."He cleared his throat."Thank you."

 

"Don't thank me.You've done the same for me.We need each other, babe."She kissed his lips and then leaned her head on his shoulder."I need all of you."She fixed her eyes on Amanda and Niall."There's nothing I wouldn't do for any of you."

 

Niall pulled on JJ's hand."We've seen.We've watched.You've gone from needing protection or strength or understanding without even you knowing it, to giving it.I've watched you since you've been here, and I've heard about it before that."

 

"This isn't about me, Niall.This is about us."Julie looked at everyone one by one."Don't you see that?It's us.Take one of us away and we falter.We complete each other as couples, sure.But you take one of the four of us away, and it's just not the same.If one of you hadn't been with me the past, what, 7 months.I doubt I would be here the way I am.What I seem to be doing for Harry or anyone right now is NOTHING compared to what you all have done for me.I still don't really know how to share all the happiness, I still don't sugar coat anything, I'm not all about rainbows and unicorns, but I love all of you.Life's been.....difficult for me.But since I've meet you, first Amanda, who has shown me what it's like to have a real friend, to Niall, who has been like a rock in my crazy life, to Harry," she said looking at Harry."Who has shown me that a relationship isn't about just making the other person happy, that it's about making each other happy.Giving and taking when the other needs it, and knowing when.You guys think that it was the therapy that helped me get through this the most, and it has, don't get me wrong.But the most help I got was from the three of you.You all and your circle of friends."

 

"JJ."Amanda said.She was fighting back tears.She put her hand on JJ and Niall's which were still clasped together.She could feel Niall holding JJ's hand tighter."I don't even know what to say."

 

Harry took his thumb and wiped a stray tear that had fallen onto Julie's cheek."Baby, I love you.And I know they love you too.What you think was so difficult for us, wasn't.We could see you peeking out from under your protected exterior.It was obvious right from the start with how you wanted to always watch over and protect Amanda.You played cold, and you played like you didn't care, but it was always the opposite.You cared too much.Your heart was always way too big for your body.You just built a big old wall around it.And just because you don't verbalize your love doesn't mean you don't show it.We accept you, for you.We see how you show love.We feel how you show love.You don't have to say the exact words.That doesn't mean you don't love with all your heart."

 

"Yeah, JJ.You're not fooling anyone with the 'I hate you's'.I'm sorry.But we see through all that."Niall said."Maybe there aren't a lot of people who get you, but to me, it's always been very obvious.I know you may have confused Harry at first, but I don't think it took long for him to see it either."

 

"Ok, shut up.This wasn't supposed to turn back onto me."Julie said standing up and pulling everyone up."This is about all of us remember."She said as she pulled them all into a hug."I hate you all."

 

"We hate you, too."They all said at the same time and laughed.They stood in the middle of the room in a hug for quite some time.After the hug ended, Niall and Amanda went to find something to eat.They said they would bring Harry and JJ back something.

 

Harry took Julie's hand and walked her back to the couch.This time he sat her down and then sat facing her and took her hands."I don't know how you did what you did.But I am thankful.I can't seem to control this.I'm not sure why it affects me so differently."

 

"I've told you before Harry; you have one of the best hearts I've ever met.Probably the best.You don't know how to deal with someone who you cared for deeply, and trusted completely, just deciding to leave.It's hard not to take that personal.But it's not personal.It's not about you.It's about him.And trust me, I know it's a lot easier to say that than it is to realize it.We all want to believe that we could have changed things if we just would have known, but you can't.Just like with me, there's nothing you could have done to convince me I needed to get help.It had to be my choice.And it was a hard choice.I felt pushed to do it.And I didn't want to.So, I ran.I ran, so I didn't have to think about talking about my past.I didn't want to tell anyone else how stupid I thought I was for letting Johnny do what he did to me."

 

"You weren't stupid."Harry said.He understood, but he hated when she said that."You weren't."

 

"See, it's always easy to blame yourself, even when no one else sees it that way."Julie said looking at him."You shouldn't blame yourself."

 

"Yeah, well I spent all that time with him.I knew he was skipping things because he wasn't feeling well, and I feel completely blindsided that he up and left.You would think I would know he was going to."Harry said looking down at their hands.

 

"God," Julie said laughing."This is like total role reversal, you know that?"She reached up and lifted his chin so that he lifted his eyes to her."You would have expected him to tell you, right?"When he nodded, she continued."But it's not always that easy.Maybe he didn't want to disappoint you.I'm just guessing, but I'm thinking he wanted to leave before he did, but maybe didn't want to disappoint you.I may be completely wrong, Harry, but not everything has to be the way it seems.You're very good at taking the positive out of a negative.You do it with me all the time.Think of this as an opportunity.An opportunity for the four of you to go forward, performing how you love.Without a need to worry about someone being unhappy.Life isn't perfect. I think we both know that.But it brings us around to where we need to be."

 

Harry smiled at her.She was good with words, he always knew that.But she made him feel better just by talking."You're pretty smart, my lady.Can you just keep talking to me?"

 

"Always.But you have a show to do."She got up on her knees and cupped his cheeks in her hands."And you will show all those people in your audience why, after all of this, they should still come to every show going forward.To see you.You're an amazing performer, babe.You make people forget their troubles for as long as you're out there on that stage.You give them hope, and love, and inspiration.And they give it back to you also.Don't let this change who YOU are, Harry.That's what matters.That's what's most important."She leaned down and kissed his lips.

 

"Get a room."Niall said laughing as he walked into the room with Amanda and the food.

 

Julie kissed Harry again and then laughed."Shut up, Niall."She turned around and sat down and leaned against Harry."Hope you at least brought some good food with that smart mouth."

 

Niall threw a roll at Julie and laughed when she caught it and took a bite."I did, smartass."

 

"Oh, you guys."Amanda said laughing and handing Harry his plate when Niall handed Julie hers."I don't know how I put up with you."

 

"Oh, you know you love us."Niall said sitting down with Amanda on the couch again."The four Amigos."He said and laughed.

 

"Yeah, Niall.Something like that."Amanda said.JJ was right.The four of them together is what made all this work.She was proud to call Niall her boyfriend, and she was proud to call Harry and JJ friends.She would have never pictured her life like this, but now it seemed so perfect.She was in South Africa with some of the most important people in her life.She was happy with everything.No matter the ups and downs.They could get through anything as long as they remembered that they needed each other.As long as they remembered to always be there for each other.She watched JJ and Harry together and saw the progression in their relationship.She looked at Niall and saw the happiness she had been looking for.Yeah, no matter what they'd gotten through or what they would go through in the future, they can do it.Together.


	64. Chapter 64

After their two shows in Johannesburg, South Africa, the guys were off two days before their next show in Cape Town.  They flew from Johannesburg to Cape Town right after the second show.  The next day everyone was able to sleep in.  Harry woke up, and Julie wasn't in bed with him.  He sat up and saw her looking out of the balcony doors through the small crack in the curtains.  There were a ton of fans outside the hotel so he guessed she didn't want them to really notice her.  He saw her run her hand through her hair and sort of sigh.  He guessed he knew why.  She had spent so much time with him and others.  She'd hardly had any alone time.  She was dealing with a lot of emotion and feelings.  He was proud of her for doing that, but he also recalled telling her when he felt she needed her space he would give it to her.  He got up and walked up behind her wrapping his arms around her.  "Good Morning, baby."

 

"Good Morning."  She said holding onto his arms in front of her.  "Did you sleep well?"

 

"Yes, of course.  I usually do when you're with me.  Time for me to let you be for a while, huh?"  He asked turning her towards him.  He looked down at her and could see it in her face.  She was drained.  He put his hand on her cheek and kissed her nose.  "I can go out for a while and bring back some coffee and some food."

 

"I'm not trying to get rid of you, Harry."  She said.  She did feel a bit overwhelmed today for some reason.  She knew she had dealt with a lot since she received that phone call from Zayn, but she was dealing with it well.  Until now.  Now she felt like there was just so much running around in her head, and she was having a hard time sorting through it.

 

"I know you aren't, baby."  He kissed her lips.  "But, you need some Julie time.  I can see it.  There's nothing wrong with it.  I know it's not the time to overwhelm you with feelings, but I'm going to say that I'm amazed by your ability to get through all of this right now.  Your growth and your strength inspire me."

 

"Ok, stop now."  Julie said pushing on his stomach.  "I can't deal right now.  No more sweet."

 

"See, I knew it.  I could tell.  I know you; you're just going to have to deal with that fact."  Harry said kissing her again.  "I will be back in a little bit.  Anything in particular I can bring you?"

 

"If you know me so well, then I shouldn't have to tell you, now should I?"  She said raising her eyebrows at him.

 

"I love when you're mean to me."  He laughed and tapped her nose.  "Try and relax, love.  Do what you need to.  Cuz, when I come back, you're all mine.  Even if we just cuddle on the couch watching some RomCom's."

 

"Oh, you and your RomCom's.  You're too sappy for me."  She walked towards her bag.  "Harry," she glanced back at him as he was pulling his shirt on.  "We are NOT watching The Notebook."  She watched him stick out his bottom lip.  "No matter how cute you are when you pout."

 

"We will argue about it later."  He walked up and kissed her one more time.  "I love you.  See you soon."  He touched her cheek and left.  He was somehow ok with leaving her be for a while.  She had done better with this than he could have ever dreamed of.  She would never be one to need someone with her all the time.  And that was ok.  He never felt he would be the one to want anyone with him all the time either.  He was feeling it more and more with her though.  The longer they were together, the more he just wanted her with him.  He wanted to be able to come home to her every night and just share with her how the day had gone.  Good and bad.  He shook his head as he was walking down the hallway.  Wow.  He was talking like a whipped man.  And she had never even asked for more.  In fact, she was the one who never did.  It was all him.  He never would have thought.  He knocked on Niall's door.  He figured if he was going out he would see if they needed anything.

 

Amanda opened the door to see Harry standing there, alone.  "Hey, what's wrong?  Is JJ ok?"

 

"Um, yes?"  Harry said glancing at her and then laughing.  "Why does something always have to be wrong?"

 

"Well, you're knocking on the door, and JJ's not with you.  Usually that spells trouble."  Amanda said stepping aside.

 

Harry laughed.  "Well, not this time.  I got up just a little bit ago, and I could tell she needed some time.  You know how she gets.  She's feeling a bit crowded, a bit overwhelmed.  I noticed.  So, I offered to go out for a while.  Bring back some coffee and some food.  Figured since I was going out, I would see if you guys needed anything."

 

"She's ok though?"  Amanda knew how JJ was.  She understood what Harry was saying, but she wanted that confirmation.

 

"Yes, she's ok.  She's handled a lot this trip.  She handled a lot in Tahoe.  She's never pulled away.  I never felt she wanted to run.  I just figured it was time to let her sit back and sort through all of it the way she needs to.  I told her we would watch some RomComs later and just chill.  Of course, she had her typical reaction to that."  Harry laughed thinking about it.

 

"You mean she said you were too sappy and that she wasn't watching The Notebook?"  Amanda laughed.  Yeah, that was her JJ.

 

"Um, well that was specific.  How did you know all that detail?"  Harry asked laughing.

 

"Oh, I know you like that movie, and I know how JJ is when I suggest RomComs.  I just put two and two together."  Amanda said.  "Niall's in the shower. I don't know if we need anything, but I'm sure he's hungry.  He's always hungry."

 

"He is.  Ok, I will bring you guys some too.  It's going to be a bit though.  I'm going to look for something specific and give her at least a couple of hours.  So, expect it for dinner."  He leaned down and kissed Amanda's cheek.

 

"Something specific?  Well, doesn't that sound suspicious."  Amanda said raising an eyebrow at him.

 

"Yeah, yeah, so I'm looking for something for her.  I can't help it.  She needs time, so what better way to spend it away from her than to do what I want to do for her."  He shrugged.  "See you in a bit."  He went back out the door.  Yes, he was going to do what he wanted for her.  She would probably tell him he shouldn't have, and she might tell him he was crazy.  But it wasn't going to stop him.  His mum always said he would spoil his girlfriend.  Well, apparently, she was right.

 

Niall came out of the shower and saw the door shutting.  "Who was that?"  He asked Amanda.

 

"Harry."  Amanda said turning towards him.

 

"Everything ok?"  He asked.

 

"Yes."  Amanda laughed.  "I asked him the same thing since he came here without JJ.  But he said JJ just needs some time alone.  Said her head's a little chaotic right now.  She needs her time to straighten it out."

 

"Well, it's great he knows that.  He seemed ok with it?"  Niall asked grabbing a drink of water.

 

"Yeah, he was really ok with it.  In fact, I believe he suggested it to her by what he said.  He seems good, at least when it comes to her.  Now he's out looking for something specific for her and getting them and us some food."

 

Niall swallowed hard when Amanda said Harry was out looking for something for JJ.  "Um, well, see..." he stuttered.  He shook his head.  "Am I supposed to be out getting something for you?"

 

Amanda laughed.  "Well, there's no pressure.  And I'm not going to ask for it."

 

"Sorry, guess I'm new to this whole boyfriend thing.  I've got a lot to learn."  He said walking up to her.  "But, just know, anything you want.  You got.  You mean the world to me."

 

"I know, my prince, I know."  She kissed him.  "I'm good.  And we get to spend the day being lazy, and Harry is even bringing us dinner.  I'm ok with that."

 

"Let me guess, RomComs and cuddling?"  Niall laughed.

 

"How'd you guess?"  Amanda giggled.

 

"Cuz, you were talking to Harry, and I see the TV already has them up on the screen."  Niall said laughing and glancing over to the TV.

 

"Oh, yeah, well."  She laughed and took him to the couch.  "Harry was talking about it so, sounded good to me.  I'm not JJ. I enjoy a good RomCom."

 

"Yeah, maybe you and Harry should watch, and JJ and I can hang out."  Niall said.

 

"No, besides, JJ doesn't watch much golf either."  Amanda said pulling him down onto the couch with her and laying her head on his shoulder.  "You can even pick."

 

"Oh, ok.  I've got the perfect movie."  Niall said taking the remote and typing it in.  "Tin Cup.  Fits for us both.  A little romance, a little comedy, and a bunch of golf."  He laughed when Amanda groaned.  "It's perfect."

 

A few hours later, Harry came back to the hotel.  He dropped off Niall and Amanda's food and talked to them for a few minutes.  He then went back to the room.  He let himself in and was met with silence.  The only light on was the one by the couch, so he set everything down on the counter and walked over to it.  He saw Julie sitting there, back towards him leaning against the arm of the couch, writing in her notebook.  He hadn't seen her do that in quite some time.  He hadn't been sure she even still did.  He was still curious what she wrote in there, but if it gave her what she needed then he was all for it.  "Hey, baby."  He said quietly.  She was so into it, she hadn't even heard him come in.  He didn't want to scare her.  When she put the pen into the notebook and closed it, he continued.  "I haven't seen you do that in a while."

 

"Yeah, I still do.  Just, mostly when I'm alone."  She said as she set the notebook on the table.  She smiled as he lifted her legs, sat down, and put her legs over his lap.  "That's when I feel I need to get things out the most."

 

"Are you ever going to tell me what you write in there?"  Harry asked.

 

"I know you want to know, Harry.  And it's not really a big secret.  You should know how good writing can be for you.  How good it can be just to put words down on paper that maybe you wouldn't say out loud.  Sometimes it's just a way to make sense of things.  I don't always write anything specific.  Sometimes it's poems, sometimes it's lists, sometimes it's just chaotic feelings, sometimes it makes no sense at all.  It's just, always been a way to keep a little part of me through the chaotic parts of my life.  And well, they were almost all chaotic parts."  She took a deep breath and picked up the notebook.

 

Harry listened to her closely and understood what she was saying.  He felt the same way when he wrote.  He then watched her pick up the notebook.  He watched her tap her fingers on the cover and then look at him and then back at the notebook.  He kept quiet though.  He could tell she was thinking.  He wasn't going to push her.  His eyes widened as she opened the notebook and paged through it slowly.  Was she really going to show him?

 

"Like I said, it's nothing all that amazing.  But, I've never trusted anyone, the way I trust you."  She stopped on a page and concentrated on the words.  She meant what she'd said.  She trusted him more than she trusted anyone.  She gave Amanda her poem on her birthday.  Maybe it was time to let Harry see just a little bit more into her than she'd let anyone else.  "I wrote this, when I came back from therapy.  After we had talked but before Tahoe.  When I wasn't sure if you would come back or not."  She kept looking at the notebook.  This was huge to her.

 

He watched her.  Listened to her.  Couldn't believe what she was saying to him.  That had been a very difficult time for him.  He was pretty sure it had a difficult time for her too.  She was about to share with him something she'd hidden for so long and something she wrote during a very difficult time.  He put his hand on hers which was on the notebook.  "You don't have too, baby.  It means a lot to me that you would even think about it."

 

"No, it's ok.  Yeah, it's hard.  But, maybe it's time.  Maybe not all of it.  But something.  Besides Amanda's poem which I wrote purposely for her.  I've never let anyone into this notebook, or any notebook on purpose.  I've never wanted to.  I want too.  It's just, difficult."  She turned the notebook towards him and handed it to him.

 

He took the notebook but never took his eyes from her face.  "Baby, are you sure?"

 

"Yes, Harry.  I'm sure.  But I'm gonna just let you read it without being here.  Just, promise me you'll just read that page and nothing else yet."  She took her legs from his lap and stood up.

 

"Of course, I promise."  He said watching her.  She nodded at him and then walked into the bedroom.  He knew he would find her at the windows looking out when he went in there when he was done.  It took a minute before he could start reading it.  He was still shocked she was letting him read something so personal.  It wasn't a poem.  He could tell right away by the format.  He took a deep breath and started to read.

 

How did I get here?  From a lonely girl, in a horrible relationship, to a girl in love with a superstar.  From someone who swore once she got out of her hell, she would never fall for another man, to someone so deep into a new relationship, that now that it's over, she isn't sure how she will go on.  From running so far, pushing everyone she cared about away, to wanting nothing more than to run to another country and beg him to come back.  What have I done?  What will I do?  How will I live knowing I lost the only person I ever believed loved me?  I lost him from my own fear.  My fear of actually losing him.  How sad is that?  I was so scared to lose him that I decided to lose him on my own terms.  I lost him because I'm so scared of someone else hurting me, I just hurt myself first.  How do you explain to someone that you love them so much that you can't let them love you?  But that's how I work.  That's how I protect myself from all of the pain I've gone through in the past.  I let him in too much. I let him get to the part of me that can hurt.  I didn't want to do that, but I did.  I tried everything to make it just be casual.  To keep him far enough away to just have fun.  But he's so deep into my heart.  He got in before I even realized it.  And now, all I can do now is hope.  Hope he sees enough in me to understand.  Hope he sees through the darkness, the wall, the pain, enough to forgive me.  I didn't know how to hope.  I gave up hope.  But then he came.  He came when I felt there was no hope for me.  He gave me hope.  He made me smile.  He showed me kindness, and love.  He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.  I need him.  Oh, god.  I NEED HIM.  I need you, Harry.  I love you.  I hope you can feel that.  I hope you come back to me.  I've never hoped.  I hope for nothing more.  Please......

 

Harry closed the notebook and saw a tear drop onto the cover.  He knew she had been in pain.  He knew she had struggled with feelings, and never believed in herself.  That week after her phone call to him, she'd never tried calling him again.  He didn't know how to take that.  To know that's what she was feeling, that's what she was writing.  What she believed and hoped for meant the world to him.  He thought she somehow didn't care if he came back.  Or at least he thought she could just go on without him.  This proved that even before he came back. She'd wanted nothing more.  This notebook showed more feeling than she was capable of speaking.  He'd promised her he wouldn't read more, but he wanted to.  She wrote it out.  To figure it out.  This meant a lot to him.  He set the notebook down and went into the room.  As he thought, she was standing at the windows looking out.  It was dark out and in the room so that she would be seen as nothing but a silhouette from the outside.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back to him.

 

"It's all true, Harry."  She said to him without turning around.  "I've never had hope until you.  You gave me hope, you gave me love, you gave me life.  I know I had to do some of it for myself. I know that.  But if you hadn't been there to show me it existed.  If as soon as I ran I didn't realize how much I just wanted to be back in your arms.  If I didn't miss your voice and your face.  I would have never gotten the help I needed.  You give me hope."  She turned around finally and looked up at him.  Tears were forming in her eyes.  "I have hope.  And that's something I never thought I could ever feel.  In fact, I thought I could never feel again.  And I feel.  So much."  She said fighting back her tears.  "And being here.  And being able to get through your anger, your emotions, your outbursts, and not once thinking I wanted to leave.  Not once thinking you were going to hurt me.  Is something I never thought would happen.  You may not be perfect, in anyone else's sense of the word.  But your imperfection is perfect for me."

 

"I can't explain any of this, Julie.  I don't know why I felt the pull I did towards you.  Why I couldn't let you go even when you seemed to want nothing to do with me.  But I couldn't let you go."  He cupped her cheek.  "I think I've loved you since the moment Lottie told us about your quip about my pants."  He kissed her.  "Sometimes, you just know.  There is no one who brought me in the way you have.  I don't think I ever could have just let you go.  Even though I didn't know it at the time, I don't think there was ever a question as to whether I would go to Tahoe."

 

"I love you, Harry."  She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her cheek on his chest.  This feeling right now was one she never wanted to let go.  She would show him more writing, eventually.  Slowly.  But for now, it's what she needed him to know.  There was never any doubt she wanted him.

 

"I love you, too, baby."  He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.  He was sure there was more in that notebook.  But for her to open up even that bit for him was more than he needed.  He was in love more than he thought he could be at 21.  What was he going to do?


	65. Chapter 65

After dinner, Julie took a glass of wine to Harry and sat down with him."Ok, I know we don't drink much but just one glass should be ok.It's been kind of a crazy time."After she handed him his glass, she sat down on the floor next to him.They had spread out on a blanket, they had eaten on the floor just like in Paris.She went between his legs and leaned back against him.

 

Harry took the glass of wine from her and then wrapped his free arm around her waist when she leaned back against him.He took a drink and then kissed her temple."Yeah, it has been.But this, right here, makes me forget about it.You and I alone together is exactly how it should be."

 

"Oh, yeah.You think so, huh?"Julie asked taking a drink of her wine."I don't drive you crazy at all, huh?"

 

"Oh, all the time."Harry said laughing into his glass as he took a drink."But, it's something I would never change."He set the wine glass on the table and took Julie's putting hers on the table as well."As much as I love sitting here with you, I can't wait any longer."

 

Julie groaned."Always on your mind."

 

"Not that."Harry laughed at her and pulled her up after he stood."Ok, well yes, that.But not that right now.I have something for you.I was going to wait to give it to you, but I can't anymore."

 

"Harry, you didn't have to get me anything.Geez."Julie said walking with him to the room.She watched him go to the desk and pull out a legal sized envelope and brought it back to her.

 

"Oh, stop.I wanted to, so just let me."He handed her the envelope.He hoped she liked it.He watched her face to see her reaction as she opened it.

 

Julie took a breath and then opened the envelope.He really didn't have to get her anything.And what would he be giving her in an envelope like this she wondered.She pulled out the papers and read through them, turning through a few pages.She sniffled and looked through them again."Harry."She said looking up at him.

 

"Yes, baby.It's yours.Well, you adopted it.I tried to get you the baby hippo, but I couldn't, so that's your baby elephant.When you're ready, you fill out the paperwork, and we send it in.You get to name her and you sponsor her care.As she grows, they send you pictures and updates on her.And we can even go visit her.She lives in a natural habitat where they are treated like elephants in the wild; they are just taken care of as they have special needs."He filled her in as she just kept looking through the papers.

 

"Seriously?"She glanced up at him."Harry, I mean...." She said to him.She didn't know what to say.It was amazing."You know I was just kidding, right?"She asked him sliding the papers back into the envelope.

 

"Yes, I did."He took her hand and kissed it."But, I also saw how happy it made you to be there and to see those animals in their habitat.And that made me happy.You know, you've never asked me for anything.And maybe this was a joke.But I wanted to make it happen.I want to make you happy."

 

"It's...just..." she fought back her tears and bit her lip.She didn't want to cry, but he overwhelmed her."It's just, so, thoughtful, and amazing, and I'm totally surprised.And I don't know how you do it."

 

He put his hand on the side of her neck running his thumb over her jawline."I just saw what made you happy, and did what I could to continue that."He kissed her forehead and kept his lips there for a minute closing his eyes.

 

"Thank you, Harry.Thank you so much."She whispered closing her eyes as well.He was standing so close to her.She could smell him.She loved that.She could recognize him.It wasn't his cologne or his shampoo, or his laundry detergent.It was him.It was familiar and comfortable.It was safe and secure.She pulled back and looked up at him."Thank you so, so, much."

 

"Don't thank me.I really wanted to do it."He looked into her eyes."Can I just hold you?Can we just lay with each other, be with each other, talk to each other?"

 

"Wasn't everyone going out?Weren't you planning on going with?"She asked him.

 

"I already text Niall and said we weren't coming."He said looking alternately back and forth between her eyes and then to her lips.

 

"What if I wanted to go?"Julie laughed a bit, but her heart started beating faster the way he was studying her face.

 

"I know better. I knew you would be fine not going."He grinned stepping back from her."Hold on a minute.I will be right back."

 

"Ok, fine, I'm ok not going, but you could have asked."She watched him walk away."Where are you going?"

 

"I will be right back."He walked into the other room.It only took him a minute, and then he walked back in and saw her looking at the papers on the desk.She tucked some hair behind her ear and touched them gently.A smile forming on her face. He knew she probably wouldn't appreciate it, but he did it anyway.He put his camera up to his eye and started taking pictures of her.He snapped a few and then stepped closer to her.

 

Julie smiled as she read through the paperwork.She still couldn't believe he had basically gotten her a baby elephant.Incredible.She seriously did not think that he would actually go out and get her one.She looked back at him when she heard soft clicks."Harry, what are you doing? Don't do that."She hid her face in her hands.

 

"No, don't hide.I like to photograph beautiful things.What's more beautiful than you?"He asked.Laughing and still taking pictures as he walked around her.He loved her peeking around her hands.

 

"Harry, no pictures."She reached towards the camera when he came close.

 

"Come on.Just a few more.For me.And my personal collection.For when I'm away from you."He pulled her hands from her face."C'mon.Play along."

 

She shook her head but sort of smiled."Ugh.Fine."She forced a silly smile and looked up to the ceiling.

 

"Not exactly like that."Harry laughed at her faces.He liked seeing her through his lens.He was surprised he'd never thought of it before."Come on, babe.Pose for me."

 

"Harry."She shook her head again, but after a little bit more encouragement, she started to play along.Half serious, half sassy.She stuck her tongue out.Then looked up into the lens at him.She wrinkled her nose and then tilted her head and smiled at him.She grabbed the end of her hair and ran it through her fingers and bit her bottom lip.It was a thing she did when she was thinking.

 

Harry smiled when she started to play along.She had the most gorgeous blue eyes. They were such a contrast to her dark hair.He really liked seeing them through the lens.He couldn't wait to get some of them printed out.She seemed to get a bit more comfortable with him taking the pictures.He noticed her in her thinking pose.He smiled wider when he realized he knew that about her.End of the hair between the thumb and pointer finger, biting her bottom lip.He snapped some pictures of that.He loved that."What are you thinking so hard about?"He asked her.

 

"Nothing really.Sort of wondering how my black and white mind got such a colorful, creative boyfriend."She posed a few more times for him as he clicked away while she could tell he was thinking.This time she tried some model poses she saw a lot in magazines.Pouty faces, lifting her hair off her neck with her arm, and a few others.

 

After a few more pictures of her posing for him he set the camera aside."Well, I don't see it that way.You're creative.You just choose to hide it instead.You choose to be careful and follow the straight line.You're afraid to take chances because not having a plan scares you.Everyone expected you to be reasonable and safe.Do what was right to them.But more and more, you're learning that people will support you no matter what you choose.You talked about it in Tahoe.That I gave you back the sun, the moon, and the stars, and a reason to reach for them again.You can't fool me anymore, beautiful."He stepped closer to her again."Stop trying to."

 

"I'm not, not really."She looked up at him."Admit it, we seem like we are complete opposites.Most likely to everyone."

 

"Maybe so.At first.Because you don't let anyone know you, not like you have me."He reached out and ran his thumb over her cheek.

 

"I think, you think, I'm much deeper than I am."She said searching his eyes.

 

"No, I don't.But it's not only you being deep.It's you being guarded.And you aren't.Not with me.You don't even realize how much you let me in.That means the most to me.You're comfortable letting me see you, as you.I love you, and I will continue to support you, no matter what choices you make."He looked over the features of her face.Studying every one.He remembered them, but they changed slightly the more she relaxed, the more she trusted him.The more she healed.

 

"I know."She smiled when he looked at her a bit shocked she said that."I do.You've been everything I never thought I would experience.I trust you, more than I trust myself.So, thank you.Because I know, and I never thought I would know anything."

 

He pulled her hand and lay down on the bed, watching her lay down beside him.They were on their sides facing each other."I could just lay here looking at you all night.Watching you breathe, sleep, speak.Whatever."

 

"Oh, you could, huh?"She ran her fingers gently down his arm."Sounds kind of boring."

 

"No, not at all."They were close.He could feel her breath.The heat of her body."The rest of it is great.The fun and the sex.But that's not what I miss the most when I'm away.I miss this.I miss you with me.I miss watching you and knowing you're there.That's how I know that this is a different kind of love.Not only can I not keep my hands off you, I can't keep my mind off you.Everything comes back to you.I always think about you first, in every decision that I make.Even if it doesn't directly affect us."He meant it.This is what he wanted more than anything.Just knowing she was near him, and safe.

 

"Wow."She ran her hand under his shirt and laid it on his bare hip."You're so deep tonight.More so than normal.This is where I want to be.Whenever I can be, Harry.I'm looking forward to you spending some time in LA.We will both still be working, but it will seem a bit normal for a while maybe."

 

"Ah, a real relationship.What will we do with that?"He kind of laughed."What will you do with not being able to get rid of me for a while?"

 

"Not sure.But it will be nice to see."She looked at his lips.She put her lips close to his looked in his eyes and whispered."Kiss me.Make love to me."She pulled his hips closer to her with the fingertips under his shirt.

 

"Always, baby."He whispered just before he caught her lips.He was ok with holding her, staring at her, all night.But he would make love to her.Slowly, gently, passionately.He kissed her slowly.Hand first on her cheek and then down her neck to her chest.He ran his hand under her shirt to touch her skin.Smooth and perfect to him.He ran his hand slowly up inching her shirt up towards her head.He broke the kiss just long enough to take off her shirt.He looked into her eyes when she started to do the same to him.

 

She kept looking into his eyes.The eyes that had always looked at her as if she was the only thing he ever saw.The eyes which had always shown kindness and love.For as long as she could remember.From the first time, she looked into them.The eyes that she watched fall deeper in love with her every time they were together.She ran her hand slowly up his body raising his shirt and taking it off over his head.Her hand grazed down his shoulder, and she used her fingertips to slowly trace over the swallow tattoos on his chest, down to his butterfly on his stomach.She kissed his chest and then looked back up at his eyes.

 

Her fingertips on his body gave him goosebumps.They'd had sex, and made love, but never like this.Taking their time completely.Watching each other.Really seeing each other.He slid her bra strap down her shoulder and unclasped it behind her throwing it gently aside.His eyes wandered lazily over her breasts.She let him.He could feel her watching him, but she never tried to cover herself.He kissed them each gently and then looked back at her eyes.He let his hand wander down her chest and over her breasts slowly and gently.He watched her eyes and how her pupils dilated; he felt her nipple harden when his thumb ran over it gently.He loved her body reacting to his touch, no matter how gentle.

 

His touch drove her insane.Her body was so sensitive when he was so close.It craved his touch.But this was different.This was intense.She knew every time they were together, she was letting him become more intimate.That she was more comfortable with the deep feelings and the studying of her body.She felt closer to him every day.Every time they got through something tough and intense together.She knew she could always count on him.She ran her hand down his hip and over the waistband of his pants.She unbuttoned his jeans and slowly unzipped them, then running her hand up over his stomach, and her thumb over his lips before she took his lips and kissed him again.Slowly and deeply.There was no tongue fight, more like a slow dance to their own music.It was something she had never experienced.But she liked it.A lot.

 

The kiss.Hot, yet smooth.Deep, yet controlled.It was magic.As much as he enjoyed letting out the aggression and the hot sex they had the other night, this was just as good, if not better.The feeling he felt in the kiss ran over his whole body and seemed to settle in his heart.He slowly unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them apart lowering the zipper.He felt her groan into the kiss and arch her back towards him.He felt himself growing in his boxers.His pants were undone but still on.He could feel his length pressing against them.But he wasn't rushing this.Not a chance.

 

His touch.His kiss.His hands.His body.Everything of his.But his hands, she loved his hands.His fingers knew exactly what to do to make her crazy.She slowly lowered his jeans as he lifted his hip off the bed for her.He finished taking off his clothes so she didn't have to get up.She kissed him and sucked his bottom lip.She felt his hands go to her jeans and slide them down her hips.Before she knew it, she was as completely naked as was he.She searched his body.Studying the curves and tattoos he had.He had always done that to her, but this was the first she'd gazed the length of him.It was an amazing thing.She realized she had noticed new things on him.They seemed to jump out at her.Her senses seemed to be heightened during this extremely intimate moment.

 

Harry watched her studying his body.He stayed calm and relaxed and at first just watched her eyes move over his body; but after a while, he let his eyes begin to wander her body as well.She let herself open.She let him look at her.He had always wanted to study her body and had some.But not as much as he was now.His hands started to follow where his eyes were going.He ran his hand slowly over her body.Pretty much every inch.From her shoulders, down her chest, over her stomach and down her thighs.He wanted to take in every detail.The freckles on her face were adorable, but he'd never noticed the small freckles she had on her arm close to her wrist that made a triangle.The small and faint beauty mark she had on her left hip.The small scar on the outside of her left knee.He loved it.She never even asked him to stop.

 

As his hands starting slowly feeling her body, she let him.She felt his eyes studying everything, and she knew how detailed he was.He would find every flaw and every imperfection.And it didn't bother her.The way he looked at her.The way he looked at her body.The look in his eyes was nothing but love.Nothing but admiration.She felt comfortable even though this was the most exposed she had ever been physically.He was physically impressive. She had always known that; but running her hands slowly over his body, she felt every muscle, every detail.It was incredible.She now knew why he liked doing it so much.

 

He smiled at how this was going.How comfortable she seemed.Every time she surprised him.He took his time and then he rolled her onto her back and laid over her.Slowly searching her eyes again.He felt her hands running down his arms and then felt her kiss his bicep.This was a new feeling for him too.This was something they were experiencing for the first time together.He kneed gently between her legs and moved slowly to her.Ready to enter her but not just yet.He could feel the heat of her core. He was ready as she was, but he wanted this to last.He ran his hand up her thigh and over her hip.Leaning down and kissing her slowly one more time first.He broke the kiss but kept his lips right above hers and entered her slowly.Moving at a slow pace and looking directly into her eyes.

 

She lifted her hips for him when he entered her and looked back into his eyes.The feeling was deep.It was incredible and deep.She felt for the first time ever that she could feel his love washing over her.His commitment to her.The way he felt about her.It was a completely satisfying realization.One she was convinced would have scared her.But it didn't.It felt freeing to know someone could feel that way about her.She ran her hands slowly up his sides and gently over his shoulders.The way he moved, the way he looked at her, the way he felt were all completely overwhelming.

 

He swore he could see her acceptance.He swore he could see her completely accept his love.He knew she loved him.He wasn't always convinced she saw his love for her.He had sometimes still sensed that she wondered how he could love her.But right now, he could see it in her eyes, in her face.She accepted it.She felt it.She knew it.He smiled into her eyes."I love you.God, I love you."He kept moving slowly with her.The way she moved with him seemed so natural.

 

"I love you, too."She whispered.She had never felt so attached.So connected.So in sync with someone.There was no rush. There was nothing other than them enjoying the feeling of being connected.The goal was to make each other feel the love, not the lust.Not the release.They stayed connected for a long time.It was slow and steady and completely intense in a whole new way.She felt herself starting to come to a high.She squeezed her legs around his hips a little tighter because she couldn't seem to help it.Oh, the feeling.She was overwhelmed in a whole new way.

 

Harry loved this feeling.They were together for a long time before he felt her start to clench around him.He moved a bit faster and a bit harder but not much.He was coming to his high too, and they would release together.It was much more intense than he'd expected.They kept eye contact as they reached their high.He moved slowly first through her orgasm; feeling her core clenching around him gave him a high he didn't expect.When he felt her start to relax, he moved a bit more pronounced into her as he released inside her. Wow.What a feeling.He stopped moving after they had both come down and laid down to her side.Looking back into her eyes, he saw a tear hit her cheek as he felt one hit his."Yeah, that's exactly how I feel."He chuckled.

 

She smiled into his eyes."Yeah, tears, but amazing, completely satisfied, completely in love tears."

 

"Exactly."He kissed her head and pulled the sheet up around them."And now, I will hold you, the rest of the night.Just like this."

 

"I couldn't ask for anything better."She cuddled up close to him.As close as she could."I love you."

 

"I love you too, baby.Very much."He kissed her head and felt her relax and fall asleep slowly.He lay and watched her for what seemed like hours.He meant it.He could have done this all night.He eventually fell asleep holding her tightly.


	66. Chapter 66

The last stop on the leg of the tour was Dubai.They had left South Africa just after the last show and arrived in Dubai a couple of days before the next show.The band was invited to a high-end party thrown by a Prince of Dubai the night before the show.It was a fancy masquerade ball.It took some convincing, but with the Prince's assurance that there would be no paparazzi there and no phones allowed, Harry had conjoled Julie into going.Amanda was in from the start.Niall had no problems getting her to agree to be his date.Harry and Niall were standing in the grand ballroom with the rest of the guys, some of their security, and other members of the party.The girls were whisked away by the Prince's team to get ready with the rest of what was considered VIP women guests.They were to get ready with everyone and have a grand entrance.Harry laughed to himself when he thought of Julie's reaction to being completely pampered and dressed up.Just by the looks of the room, he knew everything was extravagant.He couldn't wait to see what she looked like.

 

"Geez, they had the girls come this morning, the party started an hour ago, and we still haven't even heard anything."Niall said."Do you think the Prince decided to keep them for himself?"

 

Harry laughed."Well, I wouldn't blame him. I mean, we do have some hot girlfriends, but I think they are making this a grand entrance.But yeah, I'm starting to get a bit impatient myself."Harry looked around the room. It was an amazing sight.The money that must have been spent on this party was something even he didn't think he could dream of.Everyone was dressed in elegant attire and drinking expensive champagne.He looked down at his outfit of choice.Unlike the girls, they were on their own.He'd chosen all black.He didn't know what Julie would be wearing, so figured it would be safe.It was suggested to him that black would be best.His suit was a classic black two-piece suit from Saint Laurent.It was made of cotton-virgin wool blend with the jacket enhanced with a silk/satin shawl lapel, a two-button fastening, with a chest pocket, front flap pockets, long sleeved button cuffs, a rear central vent, full lining and a straight hem.The trousers featured a concealed front fastening, side slit pockets, a silk satin side stripe, regular length, and a tailored design.Under the suit jacket was a black chamisas rose mesh transparent shirt which remained unbuttoned to the chest so that only a hint of his butterfly tattoo was showing.His feet adorned with a pair of Saint Laurent boots made of Cordovan calf-skin leather with an extended throat and a subtly pointed toe and a stacked heel.

 

Niall's suit was an ultra slim fit grey mini-herringbone suit from Calvin Klein, made from virgin wool.The jacket featured peak lapels, a two-button closure and three front pockets, double vented, fully lined, and with four-button cuffs.The pants were also grey mini-herringbone with a zip fly, interior tab, extended button closure, front open pockets, back button pockets, tonal topstitching, and seaming details.His shirt was a regular fit dress shirt with tonal herringbone pattern, button front and cuffs, tonal topstitching, and seaming details.He finished his look with a plain scarlet red silk tie as was suggested by part of the party team.Niall completed the look with a pair of deep red leather Tibaldi derby shoes from Dolce and Gabbana featuring a textured leather detail, an almond toe, and a lace fastening.He felt semi-uncomfortable being so dressed up for a party of such caliber, but mostly he just wished Amanda would get here.

 

About 30 minutes later, an announcement was made that the women would be arriving and entering at the top of the grand staircase.They would be introduced and escorted down to their dates at the bottom of the stairs.They had waited through a lot of announcements and watched a lot of beautiful women in beautiful gowns walk down the stairs to meet their lucky dates.It just made them more excited and impatient to see Julie and Amanda.Their girlfriends. 

 

When Niall heard the words, "Ms. Amanda," announced over the sound system, he walked slowly to the bottom of the stairs and looked up.He couldn't believe what he saw.She looked amazing.The dress was a scarlet red satin, sleeveless floor length ball gown with a full skirt and a brushed train.The bodice was intricately beaded with garnets, diamonds, and silver with a jewel neckline that gave the illusion of a garnet and diamond silver necklace.The skirt was full with a brush train and overlaid with scarlet red tulle that was sparsely enhanced with sparkling diamonds.Long matching red gloves went all the way up to her biceps and a large ring adorned her right ring finger.Her earrings were sparkling and beautiful.Her hair was in an up do with a beautiful diamond tiara.When he saw her pick up her skirt to walk down the stairs, he noted her shoes; they were striking gold-tone Romy pumps from Jimmy Choo.They sported a glittery crystal embellished finish with a high stiletto heel.A simple black masquerade mask over her eyes. He couldn't believe she was walking down those stairs into his arms."Oh, my god, you definitely look like a Princess, love."He took her hand when her escort brought her to him."You look amazing."He held her hand and looked her up and down."Wow.And your hair is all blonde now."

 

Amanda smiled."You look amazing, too.This is such an incredible experience.The things we got to do today.I could get used to this type of attention.And yes, all blonde, figured for this type of party, maybe it was time to go back to something less party, and more proper."She took his arm and walked with him over to the rest of, well what would be considered, the court.She knew JJ would be coming down next, so she stood holding Niall's arm and looked up the stairs.

 

When Harry heard, "Ms. Julie," it was his turn to walk towards the bottom of the stairs.When he saw her step to the top and wait for her escort, he smiled widely.He watched her look around the room and then her eyes settle on his.He saw her smile at him.She looked radiant.Her dress was a navy-blue satin sleeveless floor-length ball gown with a full shirt and brush train.The emphasis was on the bodice, which was navy blue satin, fitted, with a plunging neck line, but it was covered with navy blue lace and white hand-made lace appliques that created a high neck.The bodice was mesh which covered perfectly but allowed enough color of skin to show through.The back of the bodice continued the theme of the front but with a long oval opening that exposed the length of the back from shoulder blade to should blade.The skirt was full with a brush train that just touched the floor with the lace appliques continuing from the bodice to 1 ½ inches onto the skirt.The navy-blue satin of the skirt shimmered in the light.The navy-blue gloves she wore went almost to her shoulders.Her shoes which showed as she walked down the stairs were a high stiletto-heeled Pilina navy-blue pump from Manolo Blahnik.They had a classic cut out detail and a pointed toe.Her dark hair pulled up into a classic up do with a small diamond tiara.A beautiful white masquerade mask on her face contrasted nicely with her dark hair.He never took his eyes off her as she made her way down those stairs."Baby, you look, stunning.Positively radiant."

 

"Thank you, it's been crazy.All of this is just so much."She said thanking her escort and then taking Harry's arm walking over to Amanda and Niall."She looks amazing right, Niall?"

 

"She does."Niall said."So, do you."

 

"Yeah, what he said."Amanda smiled."You boys don't look so bad yourselves."

 

"Thanks."Harry said to her, but he still hadn't taken his eyes from Julie."But nothing like you all."

 

"Right."Niall said his eyes wandering over Amanda again."I wasn't expecting all this."

 

"Apparently, they don't do anything small around here."Julie said."The experience of today was eye opening and exhausting."

 

"Oh, I loved all of it."Amanda said."Especially the massage."

 

"The massage?"Niall asked.

 

"Oh, yes, nice strong hands all over.Was very relaxing." Amanda laughed.

 

"Really, now?"Harry asked Julie.

 

"Yes, really.My first full body massage, and well, my muscles never felt looser."Julie said to him.

 

"Full body?"Niall asked."Well, let's not talk about that anymore."He said laughing a bit and looking at Amanda.

 

Amanda laughed."Oh geez, Niall.Come on, it's time for our dance."She took his hand out to the middle of the floor.All the girls were to have the first dance with their dates.

 

Julie went out onto the floor with Harry, and when he went to pull her into his arms, she stepped back."Nope, that's not how they do it in these parts."She put her right arm up and her left hand on his waist."We are prim and proper right now."She started stepping back and forth and around with him.

 

"Prim and proper?"Harry chuckled.

 

"Yes, we were taught.Imagine trying to teach two Western cultured girls to act like a princess at a ball."She giggled and looked up into his eyes.Keeping her frame stiff as she was taught, waltzing around the room with Harry.He wasn't a dancer, but to her surprise, he kept up pretty well, even though she had to lead.

 

"Well, when do you get to be not so prim and proper again?"He asked.His eyes looking into hers and then scanning her body in the dress.

 

She laughed."Hey, you wanted to come here.So, act the part.Although your shirt is as see through as the top part of my dress.And you forgot a few buttons again.I'm surprised they let you out like that."

 

"Yeah, well we're inside a private party. It's a little more relaxed.Besides, they wouldn't let you outside in a dress like that, but damn, babe.I hope you get to keep it."Harry licked his lips and leaned into kiss her, but he was stopped.

 

"Nope, none of that.You have to remember where you are."She tightened her frame."Stay in your bubble, and I will stay in mine."

 

Harry was proud to be walking around with Julie on his arm the whole night.He was convinced he had the best-looking woman in the room.She also worked the room very well.She may have always said she felt out of place being the center of attention, but when she needed to, she did it well.He stepped up to Niall when the girls were asked to dance by the hosts of the party."Well, hopefully they don't leave us for the Princes' of Dubai.They definitely have seemed to take a liking to our girls."

 

"Well, have you seen them?"Niall asked."Of course, they have.There's no one who looks better or who works the room better than our girls.And don't tell me I'm biased."

 

"I wouldn't dare.I agree.They both have been amazing.Too bad there won't be any proof of this."Harry said.

 

Niall laughed."It's like having a good first lady on our side."

 

"Yeah, we sure would win the masses of a presidential election, but remember whom we are dealing with."Harry laughed.It was better this was quiet.For many reasons.

 

"Yeah, I know, better for JJ."Niall said.

 

"Not only that, Niall.I mean obviously I don't want it to cause any troubles with Johnny, but even just everyone knowing.Seems like keeping it quiet is best right now.I'm surprised it's not more than a bit of chatter now, after Tahoe."Harry said.

 

"Are you sure she's the only one that wants to keep it quiet?"Niall chuckled."You seem pretty dead set on it, too."

 

"Yeah, I dunno. I sort of like having this to myself."Harry said watching Julie laugh with the Prince.She gracefully curtsied to him as the song ended."Well, she never wanted to a Princess, but she's damn good at it."

 

"Well, Amanda has always wanted to be one.So maybe I should go grab her quick before she runs off and becomes one."Niall said setting his drink down and walking over to Amanda."May I have this dance?"He asked putting one hand behind his back and putting his other one out to her palm up slighting bowing to her.

 

"Of course, my love."She said curtsying to him as she had to the Prince when the song ended.She took his hand and stepped close to him."This day, this night, this everything has been amazing.Like more than I could have ever dreamed about."

 

"Well, I just had to make sure that I came in and swept you off your feet now.I know how much you want to be a Princess, so I can't let you go off and become one without me."He moved around the room slowly with her."I may not be a real Prince, but no one could love you more than I do."

 

"Oh, babe, if you weren't my Prince, then I don't want to be a Princess.I'm exactly where I belong when I'm in your arms.You are more than I could ever ask for."She touched his cheek quickly before dropping her hand.She didn't want to do anything she wasn't supposed to in Dubai.Separate set of rules here."The only man I would ever run off with is you."

 

"Well, that's good, because I would fight for you; you're stuck with me now.There is no way I'm letting you go."He looked her directly in her eyes."You're the only thing I'm sure of one hundred percent."

 

She smiled."As you are with me.I love you more than I thought possible.And I've always hoped for a happy, romantic relationship.So that's saying a lot."She stayed in his arms romantically swaying across the room with her perfect boyfriend.What a life.And this party, getting pampered all day, and treated like a Princess only to end up with Niall at the end of the day.Perfect.Just perfect.

 

Harry reached his hand out to Julie when she walked closer to him.When she took his hand, he slowly spun her around so that he could check her out fully one more time."This dress is amazing.It takes my breath away.You look truly like a Princess."

 

"What did I tell you about calling me a Princess?"Julie asked laughing.

 

"Yeah, yeah.I know.But baby, you look amazing.They saved the best for last walking down that staircase."He laced his fingers through hers."You have been amazing tonight.And I get to say to everyone watching you that, yep, she's mine."

 

"Stop.Seriously."She smiled into his eyes.They had spent the last couple of days in South Africa alone for the most part.They had talked, written quietly sitting on the couch together, watched movies together, laughed together, and just had a great time.She was completely comfortable.It was scary yet utterly fulfilling.She was happy.Happier than she could ever remember being.When they were alone together, everything wrong seemed forgotten.She missed Panda and Niall.But she felt she needed this time with Harry."I'm sorta done with all this.Do you think we could go back to the room?Have we spent enough time here?"

 

Harry smiled.She did well.But just like at his birthday, he sensed she was done with the socializing.It's not like she didn't like it, or wasn't good at it; it's just she was still overwhelmed with a lot of attention.She liked to be alone.And by alone, he didn't really mean alone.She was ok with a smaller group.Him, or him, Niall, and Amanda.Even Liam and Louis.She was just more comfortable in a smaller group.The group dynamic was chaotic for her.He understood that about her.She liked at this point a little more control.She was opening up in this aspect as well though."Yes, babe, it's like 3 am.I think we spent more than enough time here."

 

"Really?Wow.  I didn't realize it was so late."  Julie said taking his hand again as he led her over to say goodnight to the hosts. 

 

Harry watched her smile and speak to them with such confidence and such grace.He shook their hands and listened to the kind words they had to say about her.He'd heard it all night.He was proud.She was his.Yes, possessive, but hearing how everyone else enjoyed her and her company made him proud.He got her.She'd come so far.She showed more of herself.He took her hand and walked her out of the ballroom.The best thing about this set up was that the hotel the Prince owned which held the ball was also the hotel where they stayed in.There wasn't far to go.He walked her across the corridor and to the elevator.When the door closed them in, he pulled her to him."Thank god.I've been dying to kiss you all night."He leaned down and kissed her.

 

"Ah, yes, the restrictions of the local culture.No public displays of affection.I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did."She put her hands on his chest and looked up at him.

 

"So am I.Trust me."He said wrapping her in his arms."I just wanted you in my arms.I just wanted to stand behind you and hold you as you charmed the pants off of the crowd.Including the Princes'."He said to her.

 

"The pants off them, huh?"Julie laughed at him.It always came back to her and pants.

 

He laughed at the realization of what he'd just said."Yeah, well, we know how you are with pants.But I was glad to get you out of there.I was waiting for offers to buy you off of me.I was wondering how high I could get the offer."

 

She slapped at him."Seriously?You were going to take the highest bid?"

 

"Never, baby."He kissed her again."You...are...priceless."He kissed her deeply putting his hand on the side of her neck.When the elevator dinged, he reluctantly broke the kiss.There could be people in the hallway.He stepped back and cleared his throat.He took her hand and walked her to their room.

 

"You behave so well when you have to."She laughed as she followed him to the room."These shoes are killing me.The heel is so small that I'm surprised I didn't fall multiple times tonight."She bent down and tried to move the full skirt to remove her shoes.It just kept getting in the way.She watched Harry go down onto his knee and help take the shoes off her feet."Well, see, you are a prince.The only prince I want."She said to him as he stood up.

 

"Ok, now, I want to dance the proper way with my girlfriend in my arms."He pulled her close to him and played a slow song on his phone.He swayed slowly with her back and forth, their bodies touching the way he'd wanted them to all night.

 

"Babe, this is the only way I ever want it.All the rest of the stuff doesn't matter.It was an amazing experience.One I would have never experienced if it wasn't for you."She looked up into his eyes.

 

"You, seriously look incredible."He took the mask slowly from her face."But I like seeing these eyes clearly.I like seeing you accept my love.I like seeing you look at me the way you do."

 

"Thank you, Harry, for showing me everything I would have never seen in life without you."She went further into his arms and laid her head on his chest."I love you."

 

"I love you."He laid his head on hers and held her close.Experiencing these things with her was something he would always remember.Nights like this, with her by his side. Well he couldn't wait for more.


	67. Chapter 67

About an hour after Harry and JJ left, Niall took Amanda back to the room.It was 4 am and he was surprised they had lasted that long.He was ready to have her alone, in their room.They should get some sleep but he had other things on his mind.Probably should have sleep on his mind, but nope, not after watching Amanda in that dress all night long, and not even being able to touch her.How could anyone look at something so perfect, and beautiful, and know what's waiting for him underneath that dress.After he let her into the room he pulled her back towards him."I've been waiting a long damn time to get you in my arms."He leaned down and kissed her.

 

Amanda put her hand on the side of Niall's neck and kissed him back."Oh, trust me, it's been just as tough for me."She pulled back slightly and removed the mask from her face."I've enjoyed today, don't get me wrong, it was fun being a princess for a day.It was fun getting pampered and done up and not really have to do much.But, I like being touched by you way too much to have to worry about my behavior."She giggled as she threw the mask aside."So now, in private, let's be bad."

 

"I'm shocked, Princess, how could you possibly think that about me?"Niall said feigning shock and stepping back.

 

"How could I think that about you?Seriously?"Amanda laughed."Come on I know you didn't have that much champagne."

 

"I can't believe you think I'm a bad boy."Niall said putting the back of his hand to his forehead and falling back onto the couch."I'm hurt."

 

"Yeah, sure you are."Amanda said as she hiked her skirt up the best she could, in her arms and climbed over his waist.The skirt was so big it practically covered every inch of Niall when she straddled his waist.She laughed when he tried to move the skirt from his face.She slowly, finger by finger, took the gloves off her hands and threw them on the floor.

 

Niall laughed out loud.The skirt was massive, and everywhere he tried to move, there was just more in the way."Jesus.There is dress everywhere; how did you even move in this thing?"He kept moving it around, and tried to move it out of his way; laughing the entire time.

 

Amanda screamed when after a few minutes of Niall trying to move the dress she fell off of him, off the couch and flat on the floor.She started laughing harder."Thank god there's a lot of it.That didn't hurt at all.It was like falling on a cloud.Or at least, I imagine that's how falling on a cloud would feel like."Amanda threw her head back she was laughing so hard.

 

Niall rolled off the couch, and onto Amanda and the dress gently."Yep, you're right.Nice and fluffy."He laughed.He moved his arms through the skirt like he was trying to swim towards her."This dress is a mess."He laughed as he finally made his way to her and kissed her lips."I think it has to go.How do we get this thing off of you?"

 

"Um, I think there's some buttons in back maybe?Heck if I know.I was shoved in this thing by like three different women."Amanda laughed trying to stand up.The skirt was just getting in the way of her even getting off of the floor.

 

Niall stood up and pulled Amanda up by the hands.She was stepping all over the skirt."Ok, turn around.Let's see what we can do with this."He walked behind her and tried to step close enough to her.He moved the skirt and found the back of her dress."Holy crap there are so many buttons here.They definitely don't want the men to get in."He laughed as he tried to undo the buttons.He was having a hard time with how small they were.

 

"Um, do I need to go find some assistance elsewhere, or are you going to get this dress off me at some point tonight?"Amanda asked laughing.

 

"Oh, shut up."Niall said as he finally managed to get halfway through the buttons.He leaned down and gently but the back of Amanda's neck."Be nice.I'm trying.It's a lot of damn dress."

 

"I know.I've been wearing it all day."She said as he finally got the remaining buttons undone."It is a beautiful dress.But I don't think I'd want to wear it all the time.

 

Niall slowly removed the dress from her shoulders and kissed each one."Well you look incredible in anything.But this was a lot.This was an amazing sight.This was a dream."He helped her slip her arms out of the top of the dress.

 

Amanda shivered at the light kisses he was giving her on her shoulders.When his hands slid down her arms, while removing the top of the dress, she smiled."You tease.Why do you always tease?"

 

"Oh, I'm not teasing.This isn't teasing.It's going to happen.But why not take my time?Touch every inch of your body while I do."He kissed the side of her neck again."I don't want to get hurt by all of these diamonds though."He laughed as he gently removed the tiara from her head."Although that would have been the true Princess experience I would imagine."

 

"I wouldn't want to break it.I have to give it back."Amanda laughed.

 

"Don't laugh.I'm trying to be sweet and romantic here, to end your amazing Princess day."Niall said setting the tiara down gently.

 

"When have you known me to be sweet, gentle and romantic when it comes to this."Amanda said putting her hands on his shirt aggressively.

 

"Well, let's give it a try."Niall said taking her hands from his shirt and gently running his down her arms.He took the dress and slowly lowered it from her waist and down her legs so she could step out of it.He went and laid the dress over the chair; and then turned around and looked at her."Well, they dressed you up everywhere, huh?Look at you."He checked her out in her under garments.Black garter bra synched together at her waist.Black lace panties with thigh high light black stockings.He looked down her legs to still see the golden high heels on her feet."If this isn't the sexiest thing ever."He walked up to her and pulled her into his arms.

 

"You like the look?Completed with the heels?"Amanda asked wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

"I do.I like it all.But I can't wait to take it all off."He grinned at her and then kissed her as she laughed.

 

Amanda closed her eyes and accepted his kiss as he deepened it.She pushed her body as close to him as she could.

 

Niall reached behind her and slowly unlaced the garter ties.The back was cut pretty low so he didn't have much to unlace.He stepped back and dropped it to the floor. He crouched down but looked up into her eyes as he removed the shoes from her feet.He started on one thigh and slowly rolled the stocking down kissing his way down her thigh as he did.He then repeated that same step on the other leg.He ran his hands slowly up her legs, as he stood back up, and whispered softly into her ear."You like it so far?"

 

Amanda shivered at his breath against her ear."You're such a damn tease."

 

"No, love, I just love you, and the feel of your body."He went behind her and ran his hand down her stomach and let his fingers inch into her panties.His other hand went to her breast.His thumb found her nipple at the same time the fingers of his other hand, found the spot he was looking for.He smiled when her head went back against his shoulder and she moaned."That's it baby."He whispered to her and the kissed down the side of her neck, slowly moving his fingers around both her chest and her middle.

 

"Damn, Niall."Amanda said as she reached her hand back and cupped the back of his head, turning her head to find his lips and kissing him.She groaned into his kiss as his fingers picked up the pace and she felt her body reacting to his touch.She bit his lip as her insides started to clench with his movements."God, babe."She had to break the kiss as she was struggling to catch her breath.

 

Niall smiled into her neck when he felt her stomach tighten and her start to clench.He loved being able to make her feel that way.He kept moving through her orgasm and then kissed her neck again.He started to unbutton his dress shirt as she turned to face him.Her face filled with pleasure.He could never get enough of that look.He removed his shirt as she watched.

 

Amanda never took her eyes from Niall as he undressed.First the buttons on his shirt; watching him slide it down his shoulders, then his pants.She just watched.She was surprised she didn't help him because he was doing it painstakingly slow.But she loved watching him become more and more exposed the more he took off.When he stood there in just his boxers she walked up to him and put her hand on him stroking him gently."My turn?"

 

"No, ours."He said as he slowly lowered her panties and let her step out.He then stood, picked her up, and took her to the bed.He removed his boxers and crawled over her.He slowly entered her as he looked into her eyes."Ours.Just like everything."He leaned down and kissed her deeply and slowly as he moved with her.He moved slowly with her for a long time.Until both their highs became too much.He released into her as soon as her core started to clench around him.It was perfect."I love you, Princess."He said as he kissed her and rolled to her side.He held her in his arms as she fell asleep.It didn't take long, the day was long and exhausting.He fell asleep by her side.Holding her tightly.

 

Harry looked down at Julie after the song ended."You look positively smashing.Have I told you that?Not that you aren't always stunning.But this is definitely what dreams are made of."

 

Julie blushed and looked at the floor.How he could still do that to her.Make her blush so intensely just by speaking those kinds of words to her."Stop."She said as she looked back up at his eyes."You look just as amazing."

 

"Not a chance."He said.He ran his thumb over her lips and then her jawline.He looked closer at the bodice of her dress where he could just make out her skin underneath."So, I'm curious."He said to her.

 

"Curious about what?"She asked him confused.

 

"What you got on underneath that dress."He smiled when she blushed again."Oh, I'm betting it's good.Although it can't be much since I can see skin through quite a bit of the top anyway."He ran his hands down her shoulders."You have really sexy shoulders."He leaned down and kissed one.

 

"I don't know how you can keep making me feel this way when we've been together so much.You would think I would get used to it."Julie said shivering at his touch.

 

"I hope you never do."He said kissing her other shoulder."You know what I'm really curious about?"He asked grinning widely at her.

 

Julie took a step back.She knew that look.She knew she was in for it.She started laughing."No, and I'm scared."She took another step back.

 

"Oh, you ought to be scared."He stepped towards her, same evil grin on his face.

 

"No, now stop."She said laughing still."Harry, behave.I'm a Princess today, remember."She said taking another step back.

 

"Oh, you don't want to be a Princess remember?You're my Angel, for sure, but remember I also know where you're the devil.Between the sheets."He stepped towards her reaching his arms out for her this time.

 

She couldn't stop laughing."Harry!Seriously?I'm no devil."She took another step backwards.

 

"Oh, you are, you definitely are."He smiled even bigger when she found herself backed against the wall."Oh, you like to do that to yourself.And I like it too.But, back to what I was really curious about."He kissed her lips and then gave her the look again.

 

"Harry, what are you up too?"She looked at him.That look was quite scary.Not in a bad way, but she knew she was in for something.

 

"I told you, I'm curious.I wanna know what's under the skirt."He ran his hand down her arm and then dropped to his knees quickly.Before she could say anything, he dropped to his hands and knees and crawled under the skirt.

 

Julie crinkled her brow at him as he was speaking.She couldn't even get a word out before he had dropped and crawled under her skirt."Harry!"She laughed loudly as he was trying to find his way through all the material.She used her hands to push at the skirt."Get out of there!"She laughed harder.

 

"No!"He said as he moved the material around."It is dark under here though.I may need a flashlight."He joked."I might get lost!"He reached his hand to her leg."Oh, I will just have to find my way by feel.I know every curve of this road."He said as he ran his hand up her leg."I may not be able to see, but I can sure feel what's under here."

 

"Damn you!"She said still laughing.She was trying to move but with him under the skirt and on some of the material she was stuck."Will you come out from under there?"

 

"Never!"He said."Ok, so let's see what I can find.Nice smooth stockings."He said as he worked his hand up her leg."Ends at the thigh.Oooohhhh, are these clips?"He asked fingering the small clips that held the stockings up by clipping to her panties."Holy shit."He wanted to see them now, but he wasn't done exploring yet.He ran his hand up her thigh and then over her middle.He smiled even though she couldn't see it when she jumped at his touch."Lace.I feel lace."

 

"Oh, my, god."Julie said as he was still talking and feeling her up.His voice was muffled by all the dress material."Harry, will you stop."Her body jerked when his fingers made their way over her middle.Jesus his touch."Stop teasing me, and come out of there."She felt him sit back on his feet and felt him moving."What are you..." she didn't even get to finish.She felt the clips release and fall against her legs.She felt his hands go down first one leg and then the other removing the stockings from them.She's lucky she had the wall to keep her balance.She then felt him go further up the skirt.Good god, what was he doing now.She felt his breath on her middle.She groaned."God."She whispered.

 

Harry heard her groan and was determined.But she thought he was going to do something else.Nope, not yet.He couldn't help but smile as he took her panties in his mouth and slowly lowered them down her legs.He brought them down so she could step out of them and then backed out of the skirt grinning triumphantly as he stood with them between his teeth.

 

"Oh my god."Julie said again as she was laughing even harder.Tears were coming to her eyes."You look so proud of yourself."

 

"Oh, I am."He said as he took them from his teeth and threw them back over his shoulder."I'm going back in though."

 

"No!"She squealed but it was too late.He had already dropped down and was crawling under the skirt."Will you stop?!?"She screamed out, laughing and tensing up at the same time because now she knew for sure what was going to happen, and she was right.He wasted no time finding her middle with his mouth.His damn tongue moving around her quickly."Jesus Christ Harry!"Her head hit the wall as her body jumped.She rubbed the back of her head.When his fingers found their way to her to help his tongue she gave up.There was no reason to fight it.She would never win anyway.She relaxed and let the high come to her.Knowing it would give him the satisfaction he wanted.Knowing he could do that to her.Her body shook and pulsed as she released the feeling.She took deep breaths to come down from that feeling as he once again came out from under the skirt."No more of that."She said looking at him.

 

"Nope, no more of that."He said as he stood close to her."Time to get that dress off for good."He turned her around so her back was towards him and her hands went onto the wall, the front of her body against it.He slowly undid the buttons on the back of the dress.Her back was incredible.He loved watching it through the peek-a-boo slit when it was on, but when he undid the few buttons holding it in place and watched her back become more exposed, he licked over his lips.He was intrigued by every muscle movement in her back.He pulled her away from the wall to slide the dress down her body.Nothing was underneath anymore.She had nothing on top, and he had successfully removed all the bottom parts just a bit ago."Don't turn around."He whispered in her ear.He watched her back as he removed his clothing.He was ready for her.That whole scene under her skirt turned him on immensely.It was like it was a secret.Hidden for no one to see, pleasing her in secret.After he removed his clothing he walked up behind her and spread her legs a little further with his foot."Just trust me, ok?"He figured this might be a little scary for her not being able to see him, but he wanted to try it.A new way that could maybe show her even a different kind of pleasure.

 

"I trust you."She said to him.She put her palms flat against the wall and let him manipulate her into the right position.She felt his arm go around her waist and lift her slightly and then felt him slide into her.It was a different feeling.It took her a minute to get used to it but she did.Her chest hit the wall with every thrust he made.It was not something she was used too.She felt his arm tighten around her waist pulling her back against him.She saw his other hand go to the wall on one side of her head, steadying himself so he could thrust harder.She felt him in different spots this way and started to groan.She leaned her head back against his shoulder as he moved faster."Yes, baby, oh, yes."His hand from around her waist moved lower and found her sweet spot.He had been in her quite some time before he moved there.His stamina was amazing.She knew as soon as he started to rub her she wouldn't last long.Especially since he had built her so high by just moving in her like that.

 

Harry groaned with each thrust.This was a new position for them.One he wasn't sure she would be comfortable with.But they had established such a trust, such a bond, he figured it would be worth a shot.He would've been able to tell if she was tense or scared.She didn't seem it.She seemed to be enjoying it and lord knows the tight feeling around him in this position felt amazing.He lasted forever.It felt incredible.When he felt himself start to come to a high, he reached for her spot to rub her.He wanted her to orgasm again as well.He waited a little too long to start though.He released in her and she still hadn't started.He never stopped though.He kept moving and kept rubbing through his release; until he felt her clench around him.Once she orgasmed he placed his other palm on the wall."Jesus Christ is right."He said as he buried is face in her hair."Removing that dress, was the best part of my night."After a few minutes he backed up from her and turned her towards him."You, are the best part of every night."He kissed her and ran his thumb over her lips."Shower and bed?What do you think?"

 

"Yes, but just a shower."She kissed his chest."I'm exhausted, for real."She ran her hand down his hip and walked into the bedroom.

 

"Ok, but you make that SSSSSOOOOO hard."He laughed at his own stupid joke.

 

"Oh, good god, Harry."She laughed at him.She grabbed a new pair of panties and his old t-shirt.It's what she was going to sleep in tonight and went to shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the story! Please feel free to leave any thoughts or comments. Let's talk! 


	68. Chapter 68

Harry walked into the room the next afternoon.They had been off doing promo and press in Dubai, and the girls had stayed back to pack.They were heading to LA immediately after the show tonight.At least, he and Niall were.They were going to bring their families to LA for a few days.They wanted to go back with the girls so this was the easiest fix.Louis and Liam were stopping back in the UK first to see their families and then coming to LA to get working on writing their next album.He walked up behind Julie who was staring at the ball gown she had worn the night before."I'm so glad you can keep that.Getting you out of it before bed last night was my favorite part."He laughed as he kissed the side of her neck.

 

"Funny, honey."Julie said leaning her head as he kissed her neck."I'm trying to figure out how to pack it.Thing is huge and there's no way to stuff it in my suitcase.I have no idea how I even wore it."

 

"Oh, you wore it perfectly.And then getting you out of it...."Harry laughed as he was elbowed in the ribs."What?"

 

"Yes, dear, I get you enjoyed that part.Now, be helpful and figure out how I'm getting this home."Julie said turning towards him.

 

"I will talk to wardrobe.I'm sure they can get it back to LA for us."He said kissing her nose.

 

"I don't want to bother them with this.They have a lot of stuff going on."Julie said wrinkling her nose as he kissed it.

 

"Of course, you wouldn't.Babe, you have to realize that it's ok, and there are things others can help you with.Even if it's small."He kissed her lips."Is that all you have left to pack?"

 

"Yes, everything else is done.I gave the tiara and the jewelry back, and everything else is the bag.I didn't bring much, remember.I seem to be going home with quite a bit more than I came with."She said watching him walk to the fridge to get them each a bottle of water.

 

"Well, deal with that too."He walked back to her and handed her the water."I'm so glad to be getting back to LA with you.Coming 'home' to you every night."

 

"You mean me coming home to you every morning since I still work nights?It's still going to be kind of difficult."She said taking her water.

 

Harry went to the door and let Amanda and Niall in when they knocked."Not difficult, there will be time.Writing sessions seem to go late, so we will still make it work."

 

"What are we worrying about now?"Amanda asked taking JJ's water bottle and taking a drink.

 

"Well, right this second why you're drinking my water."Julie said snatching it back from Amanda.

 

Amanda laughed as a bit spilled on her as JJ snatched it from her as she was drinking."I'm thirsty."She said wiping her chin and the front of her shirt.

 

"Get your own."Julie said putting the cap on her bottle.

 

"Sharing is caring, JJ.Sharing is caring."Amanda laughed and sat on the stool at the counter."Now seriously, what are we worrying about?"

 

"Nothing really.Harry just seems to think we're going to be a nice little happy family back in LA.Wake up to each other every morning, eat dinner, and fall asleep together every night.I was just reminding him that we worked nights, and it still wouldn't be a completely open schedule."Julie said in her matter-of-fact way.

 

Harry laughed."That's not exactly how I said it.Here we go with this black and white brain thing."

 

"What?"Amanda asked."Black and white what?"

 

"The other night she said she didn't know how her black and white brain got a colorful creative boyfriend.So, it's just the way we see things.Little does she know I crave some routine too; so, it will work out just fine."Harry said sitting down on the stool next to Amanda and pulling Julie between his legs.

 

"Yeah, yeah.You will see. It's going to be a lot busier than you realize, at least the nights we work."Julie said leaning back against him.

 

"Such a pessimist."Niall said handing Amanda a bottle of water.

 

"I wasn't really thirsty, Niall.I just wanted to take JJ's, but thanks."Amanda said laughing at JJ when JJ stuck her tongue out at her."But yeah JJ, we are gonna have the boys in LA with us for basically two months.You can't convince me it's not going to be better than them being out on tour."

 

"Well of course it is, that's not what I said.You people drive me insane sometimes."Julie said shaking her head and walking into the bedroom.

 

Amanda looked at Harry."Um?"

 

"She's ok, no really," Harry said when Amanda gave him a look."She's ok.I think she's a bit out of her routine.She's dealt really well with that.She's also been able to forget a lot of things while she's been here and now that we're going back, it's going to go back to that too.So even though she's craving her routine, she's enjoyed being far away from the main issue."

 

Amanda stared at Harry."You, how, well, by god.You know her pretty well, don't you?From one little comment she made, you got all that?"

 

"Well, I've noticed it a bit on and off for the past couple of days.I think that's why she's wanted to keep to ourselves the past few days.I know you've noticed that."Harry said.

 

"Yeah, I did notice that."Amanda said standing up."I think I'm going to go talk to her."She walked towards the bedroom.

 

Niall looked at Harry when Harry got up to go into the bedroom."Hey, give them a few minutes, would you?Amanda's having a bit of a hard time with JJ no longer coming to her or talking to her much since we've been here.I'm happy you two seem to be doing really well, but she misses her friend."

 

"Yeah, ok.I don't think anything was done purposely, and they did spend all day together yesterday."Harry said sitting back down.

 

"Yeah, with a dozen other women."Niall laughed."Not the same, especially to girls."

 

Amanda knocked on the door before she walked in."JJ? Can I come in?"

 

"Of course."Julie said.

 

"Are you ok?"Amanda said walking over and sitting next to JJ on the bed.When JJ laid her head on Amanda's shoulder, Amanda smiled and kissed her head.

 

"Yeah, I'm ok.Things have been pretty nonstop since we've been here.Good and bad.Now we're going back home.Weird as it sounds, being away sometimes seems nicer than being at home.Yet, I miss home.I miss having a schedule of where I need to be and why.Here, the boys have their schedules and their commitments, and we're kind of just following along.A bit chaotic for me.I'm tired too."Julie said closing her eyes.

 

"You and Harry?You're ok?"Amanda said wrapping an arm around JJ's shoulders.

 

"Yeah, we're good.He's amazing.And he actually sees me.I don't mean just the good parts. He sees the bad, the tough, the confused.And he just accepts it.He loves it.And it took me a long time to realize that, but I do realize it now.I never believed that someone else could complete you.But he seems to be that missing piece to me figuring things out.I've shared with him things I have barely admitted to myself."Julie said."And as amazing as that is.it's sort of exhausting too."She picked her head up and looked at her."Can I tell you something?Something you can't even talk to Niall about?"

 

"Well, that's serious."Amanda said looking directly at JJ's face."What's going on?"

 

"It's not, ok, well, maybe it is."Julie said taking a deep breath and looking at her hands clasped in her lap."I feel like I'm starting to depend on him too much.Like, I don't know how to explain it."

 

"Try, please."Amanda put her hands over JJ's.She sensed JJ was a little quiet yesterday, but she thought it was because of the new situation.Maybe it was part that, part this?

 

"It's hard.Because I love him, so much, and I can see he loves me.I actually see it now.And feel it.It's so intense.And he told me that every decision he makes comes back to me, like he thinks about how it would affect me, and us, before he makes it.And I found myself wondering if I did the same thing."

 

"And do you?"Amanda asked her.

 

"No, because I find I don't make any decisions."Julie said."I find I defer to him."She sighed again."I never realized it before."

 

"What do you mean you defer to him?"Amanda said.She was a bit concerned.

 

"Ok, so this is probably the simplest of situations, but the other night.When everyone went out, and we didn't.He never asked.He just assumed I wouldn't go.And I mean, it's ok, because I was ok with not going, but he texted Niall before he even said anything to me.And I found myself ok with him making the decision for me.Same with what we do, when we do it."Julie started fidgeting."Like I made it ok, because we're here, and I convinced myself that's how it should be.That he should be making the decisions and determining what we should do and when.And, I'm out of my element.And like, I would even be able to begin to figure out what we can do a world away from home, and he's so busy.But I'm not sure if that's all it is.Or if I'm just relieved that someone else has taken control from me.That I no longer have to worry about things."

 

"JJ."Amanda started.She didn't know what to say at first.She was caught off guard.She'd never looked at it that way.But now that JJ had mentioned it, she sort of saw it."I mean, I get it.But are you sure that's what it is?"

 

Julie got up and started pacing the room a little."Yes, maybe, I don't know.Just seems like I just don't make any decisions.Like I'm so comfortable not making them that I just don't.Like even when I'm not with him.I just don't make decisions.I either wait to talk to him, or let you make them.Like I'm fooling myself and everyone with how I'm actually doing, because I'm not actually doing anything."

 

Amanda got up and stopped JJ from pacing."JJ, come on now."She pulled her into a hug."You're doing great.I think you expect yourself to just go from point A to point B and not have any travel time in between."

 

Julie let out a breath and wrapped her arms around Amanda."Just seems like all I've been doing is traveling.Running, or whatever, and I just never get anywhere."

 

Amanda took a step back and put her hands-on JJ's shoulders."There's the girl who is way too hard on herself.It's been a few months, JJ.You went through things for years, what was it? Three years with him and two years after you left?And you really think things are going to be perfect in a few months?Talk to Harry.I'm sure he would be just fine in letting you make a decision.Start making them.Even the small ones.Just please stop being so hard on yourself.You're going to learn what works for you and what doesn't.I don't think you HAVE to rely on Harry or me.I think you would do just fine on your own.But we're helping right now.We're helping with the simple decisions, the simple things, while you work through the tough and the complex.We're not trying to run your life. We're trying to be there with you through it."

 

"I know."Julie said."It's just so damn confusing."She fought back the tears."Ahhhh...I hate this.I'm so damn emotional.And part of me just wants to let him.I just want to give up and let him just do everything.I'm so tired, and this exhausts me so much, and I just....I'm just tired."

 

"I'm going to get Niall and Harry."Amanda nodded when Julie started to protest."Yes, babe.This is when you need us the most.And before you say anything,it's no trouble.You're not causing problems."Amanda opened the door and went out to Niall and Harry."Hey, I think she needs all of us.Think y'all could come in, maybe a group session is in order."

 

Harry stood up."What's wrong?"

 

"She's feeling a bit overwhelmed.She thinks she's lost control of her life and that she's just letting everyone take control from her.She's letting everyone make all her decisions for her.And I think she's having the hardest time with the fact that she is ok with that."Amanda smiled a bit."She basically admitted, not in exact words of course, that she feels weak, like she's got everyone fooled with her strength."

 

"And what do you think?"Harry asked her.

 

"I think she's just as strong as she's ever been.I think she once again thinks she needs to take everything on, on her own, and doesn't realize that it's ok to delegate to those who love her to help her through.I think now that she no longer has the distraction of you and your struggle right now, she's back to focusing on hers.But she doesn't want to put it on anyone else."Amanda said taking Niall's hand when he reached out for her.

 

"Time for a little comforting?A few 'I hate you's'?"Niall asked.

 

"Yeah."Amanda laughed."That's exactly what I think she needs."

 

Julie watched the three of them walk in.She sighed."Time for my therapy session?"

 

"Oh, you are in rare form today, aren't you?"Niall asked her."I came to kick your ass, make sure you get back in place."

 

"Niall!"Amanda laughed.She should have known that JJ would respond directly to that though.He seemed to know how to get her out of her head.

 

"Niall, you should know better than to think I'm scared of you."Julie said looking up at him.

 

"That's what I want to hear."He walked to her and hugged her."Amanda says you're talking crazy."

 

"Niall!"Amanda groaned.

 

"God, I hate you."Julie told Niall slapping at him and stepping back.

 

"That's what I was going for."He kissed her cheek quickly and went back over by Amanda.

 

Harry reached out his hand to Julie, and it took her a minute to take it.She was in her head.He could tell.When she finally took it, he stepped towards her."Hey, don't think you can't talk to us."

 

"I'm ok.Amanda just thinks I need a therapy session."Julie sighed when he just looked at her."Ok, so I'm mostly fine.The balance is hard to find.That's all.We go back home tonight.Back to 'real life' as I call it.Back to routine and back to what I know.But it's also back to having to think about me, and my past, and what I'm doing or not doing.As much as I'm figuring out, I'm still so lost.I'm afraid to make the wrong choices, for me, or for us.Or something that affects all of you."

 

Harry put his hand on her cheek."You, need to stop that.We've just talked about how I will be here for you.Through everything.And all of your choices.Through your triumphs and your failures, your happiness and sadness.Don't worry so much about whatever you think will affect us."

 

"Why?You just told me that every decision you make you think about me.Or us, before you make it."She said to him.

 

"Julie."He sighed.He should have realized when he said that it would stick in her head."Yes, it's true.I do think about you and us.As I'm sure Niall does Amanda.But I still make my own choices, just as you will.And just like you support my choices, I will support yours.Don't expect us to agree on everything.Please stop thinking so hard about that."

 

"He's right."Amada walked up, took JJ's hand and walked her to the bed to sit down."Look, you've been strong. Please don't say you haven't."Amanda continued when she saw JJ was about to protest."You have, and you've gone through a lot.But, you've also still hidden a lot.I haven't said anything because I'm trying to give you space enough to figure it all out.But don't think I can't tell when you're not telling me the full truth.I know you're not always as good as you say you are.I've seen you miss Harry but never admit it.I've seen you struggle through loud noises, unexpected knocks on the door, odd phone calls.But you've done it.You just can't expect to be perfect and fine all the time."

 

"You've noticed?And you've never said anything."Julie sniffled a little.She wasn't quite as convincing as she thought she was.

 

"No, because you picked yourself up, and you moved on from it.I was there to make sure you were ok, but I let you do it.If I'd have known it would have been better to help you through it, I would have."Amanda took JJ's hand.

 

"I'm ok though."Julie said closing her eyes.

 

"You are."Amanda said lifting her chin."But, you're still allowed to question things and come to us for help."

 

"I know."Julie sighed."Guess when you're used to dealing with something alone,it just seems right to do it.Plus, I don't want to cause everyone trouble."

 

"You, my friend," Niall said sitting on the other side of JJ."Are worth a bit of trouble."He kissed her head."We've got you, babe."

 

"Ok, Sonny."Julie said to Niall shaking her head.

 

"You can be my Cher.Only not the dating or marrying or kid stuff."Niall said.

 

"Stop talking Niall."Julie said."Ok, get out.You guys gotta finish packing and so do we."

 

"Love you."Amanda hugged JJ and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then she did the same to Harry and then left with Niall.

 

"She's right.They're right."Harry said leaning down and kissing her.

 

"Aren't they always?Isn't everyone?Except me?"Julie said to him and sighed.

 

"Nope, I won't listen to that.No doubting yourself.Not gonna happen.I believe in you enough for both of us."Harry laughed and kissed her again."I can't wait to get you home."

 

"Home?"She smiled at him."I'd love to argue.I really would.But that actually sounds pretty good."

 

Harry grabbed his chest and fell to his knees like he was shocked she'd said that."Oh, my poor heart.I was prepared for a fight."He fell to his back onto the floor and his arms went out to his sides.

 

"Drama queen."Julie said kicking his legs gently."Such a drama queen."She rolled her eyes and laughed.She stepped over him, and he pulled her down to him."Harry!"

 

"I'm your drama queen."He laughed and hugged and kissed her.One more show.Then back to LA for two months.Two months straight in the same city as his girlfriend.It should prove interesting at least.After a few minutes, he let her up, and they finished packing and then went off to the show.


	69. Chapter 69

Harry walked into the girls' apartment around dinner time.  They had been in LA about a week.  Julie had gone back to work, and the guys had started writing sessions for their next album.  His family had come over for a short visit, which had been full of laughter and banter, and then they'd returned to Great Britain.  The apartment was quiet and dark.  Amanda was with Niall at his place, but Harry wanted to keep Julie in her home.  He wanted her to get back to her routine and her comfort.  She had been amazing this past week.  She'd worked, spent time with him and his family every day, took a quick nap, and went back to work.  She had even taken his family to the airport for him earlier today since he'd had to be in meetings and writing.  It had been a crazy, busy week.  He walked to her room and saw her sprawled out on her bed, sound asleep.  He wanted to wake her.  He wanted to have dinner with her before he had to go back to his writing session.  She didn't have to work tonight, so he was even going to ask her to go with him.  But he didn't want to wake her either.  He knew how tired she must have been.  He sat down at the edge of the bed and moved a piece of hair from her face.  Yeah, she looked tired.  Maybe even a little pale.  She had lost some weight, and he'd chalked it up to stress.  She had gone through a lot in the past handful of months.  He wasn't around for a lot of it.  He hated that.  He had to accept it, and he knew she did, but he still couldn't help but feel a bit guilty about it.  He missed some of her gentle curves she usually had.  Her "padding" as she always joked.  He smiled when she slowly started to open her eyes.  "Hi, baby.  Sorry I woke you."

 

"I could feel you staring at me."  She said sleepily.  "Hi, babe."  She started to sit up but fell back onto the bed.  "Sorry, I meant to have dinner ready.  But I'm SO tired."

 

"It's alright, baby.  I will make us a quick dinner, and then you can sleep.  I was going to ask you to come with me to the studio, but I think it's best you just sleep.  You have off the next couple nights, so we can do more then."  He leaned down and kissed her.  "Are you feeling ok?"  He felt her forehead.  She felt a little warm to him.

 

"I don't know.  Maybe just tired.  I don't feel horrible, but I do feel a little off.  Nothing to be concerned about."  She took his hand and held it.  "It's been crazy, but I'm so glad you're here."

 

"I love being here."  He leaned down and kissed her again.  "I love knowing where you are and being able to come see you whenever I have a break and you're not working.  It's just nice to not try and find time to see you or call you.  We have more of a routine schedule."

 

"Crazy, but easier?"  She laughed.  "I do like knowing you're not far.  Knowing that if I ever needed you that it wouldn't take long for you to get here.  Not that I plan on having to use it, but it's just nice to know you're across town and not across the world."

 

"I know."  He kissed her one more time and got up.  I will go make some dinner and bring it back to you.  I couldn't do breakfast in bed, so I'll make you dinner in bed."  He went to the kitchen.  He started to make some chicken for a grilled chicken salad.  He laughed at what her reaction would be.  She teased him about his healthy salads all the time, but she enjoyed them.  He wouldn't have it any other way.  When she teased, he knew she was happy.  When she stopped, he knew he would be in trouble.  He did enjoy this.  Even though this week had been crazy, it was like they'd had a schedule.  They knew when they would be able to see each other.  He didn't realize how much he would enjoy it.  Maybe it was time to talk to the boys again.  Maybe it was time to revisit the break idea.  Life was changing, and maybe touring nine months out of every year just wasn't the best thing anymore.  He finished the salad and took it into her.  They ate together and talked a little about what would be happening the next week or so.  When she didn't work at night,he wanted to try to get out of the studio early enough to spend time with her.  When she was working, he didn't mind spending all hours of the night there.  He would make it work.  After they were finished, he cleaned up and said goodbye.  He would let her sleep.  He just loved the fact that he would be able to come "home" and climb in bed with her when he was finished for the night.  He didn't write a lot with the other boys. They sort of all went off and did their own writing and then came together.  It was nice, because he could sort of make his own schedule.  He was going to meet Niall tonight though.

 

Julie reached over towards the night stand where she had her phone on the charger when she heard it ringing.  She had no clue how long Harry had been gone or what time it was.  It was Amanda calling her. Julie guessed she'd had only been asleep about an hour.  "Hey, Panda."  She said sleepily into the phone.

 

"JJ.  Sorry, it sounds like I woke you."  Amanda said through her tears.

 

Julie sat straight up.  Trying to get her head cleared of the sleepy cobwebs.  "Panda.  What's wrong?"

 

"I....I need to talk to you."  She said sniffling.  "Please."

 

"Of course."  Julie said shaking her head to wake herself.  Christ what was wrong.  She was going to need coffee.  But she wouldn't be able to sleep now anyway.

 

"Not over the phone though."  Amanda said.  "I'm going to come home."

 

"No, don't, you're crying.  You're upset.  I will come there.  I'm going to bring coffee though."  She got up out of bed.  "I will get there as soon as I can."  She was pulling clothes out of her closet as she was talking.  "Whatever it is, it will be ok."

 

"Ok, I'm sorry."  Amanda said.  "Thank you."

 

"Of course, you know I would never say no.  I love you, Panda.  See you soon."  Julie said hanging up.  What the hell?  Now she was concerned.  Panda was an emotional person, so the crying didn't really concern her on its own.  But the emotion in her voice.  The way she'd said it.  Plus, she had never called and went straight to 'I need to talk'.  Julie quickly got dressed and grabbed the keys and her bag.  She left and hit the Starbucks closest to Niall's and grabbed some coffee and some pastries to treat Panda.  She pulled up to Niall's and rang the bell.  She was concerned.  When Panda let her in, Julie went and set the coffee and pastries on the counter.  Amanda could help herself.  She looked at Amanda's face and could tell she'd had been crying for a while.  "Ok, you officially have me concerned.  So, please tell me what's wrong."  She couldn't imagine Niall and Panda fighting.  Paris was enough.  She thought they were the perfect couple.  She knew that didn't exist, but they just seemed so good together.

 

"I'm scared."  She said wiping her eyes.  "JJ, I'm scared."

 

"Of what?"  Julie took Amanda's hands and led her to the couch and sat her down still holding her hands.  "What's going on? I will be here for you for anything."

 

"I'm, oh, geez.  I can't even say it."  She sniffled and looked down at JJ's hands on hers.  "I'm, late.  I think....I think I might, be pregnant."

 

Julie looked at her shocked.  What?  Pregnant?  Holy hell. Well that came as a shock.  It probably shouldn't.  Things happen.  "Did you take a test?"

 

"No, not yet.  But I'm late.  I'm never late.  Not like this."  Panda said looking JJ.  Amanda saw Julie's jaw set in place, and she swore she could see her mind working.

 

"Well, first thing, we have to get you a test to take.  Could be nothing."  She thought back, to timing.  "Had to happen when we got to Indonesia or South Africa, if it happened.  Weren't you on birth control?"

 

Ok, Amanda thought, this is why she needed JJ.  She needed JJ's calculated approach to her emotional one.  "I, well, I hadn't renewed it.  And Niall was a world away.  So I was going to get back to it before he came back here, but then we ran to them quickly, and I forgot all about it and didn't even think.  And, well, we don't always use back up protection."

 

Julie took a deep breath.  "Have you told Niall?"

 

"No.  I'm scared."  Amanda said to her.

 

"Babe, Niall loves you so much.  He may be caught off guard, but you shouldn't be afraid of telling him."  Julie said standing up.  "We need to get you a test.  I will run to the drug store and grab some.

 

"And how would you tell Harry?"  Amanda said a bit snippy.  She regretted it immediately when JJ shot her a look.  But was surprised how fast JJ relaxed.

 

"Well, we aren't talking about Harry and I now, are we?  I'm not you either.  It's different.  And before you protest, it is.  Look, I'm not stupid.  I know it's not ideal.  But it is, what it is, and unfortunately we just have to deal with that."  Julie said grabbing her coffee and her keys.  "I will be back with your tests.  Just try not to drive yourself insane while I'm gone.  Whatever it is, it will be ok."  She blew Panda a kiss and left.  Christ, this is not what Julie thought she would be dealing with right now.  But she would.  She would do whatever Panda needed.  She didn't doubt Niall.  Julie believed that he would be there for Amanda even though it obviously was very bad timing.  She tried to play off Panda's attempt at asking her how she would tell Harry.  She had no clue.  It's not something she would even want to think about right now.  It did make her think back to if she had been diligent on taking her birth control.  Julie didn't know what she would do if that were to happen.  She could barely take care of herself.  She shook her head and just went to the drug store.  She would help Amanda no matter what.  That's all that mattered.

 

"JJ?  You're back already?"  Amanda said standing up off the couch.

 

"What?"  Niall asked.  "No, JJ was here?  Where'd she go?"  He asked walking towards Amanda.  "Have you been crying?"  He reached up and touched her cheek.  "What's going on?"

 

Shit!!!!  What was he doing here?  He wasn't supposed to be back for hours yet.  "What are you doing home?  I thought you were going to be late."  Amanda asked trying to hide her emotions.

 

"I forgot something.  What's going on?"  He looked down at her concerned.  "Come on, I've noticed you've been off for a couple of days.  Why can't you talk to me?"

 

Amanda started to cry.  "It's not that simple."

 

Niall immediately took her in his arms.  "Amanda.  What's wrong?  Come on, you're scaring me.  Are you sick?  Whatever it is, it will be ok."  He was panicking now.  He couldn't even think what was going on.  There were so many things running through his head.  All worse than the last.  "Please Princess, please talk to me."

 

"Niall."  She said swallowing the lump in her throat.  She wanted JJ to be here now.  She needed JJ to be here.  He wasn't supposed to come home yet.  "I just need to talk to JJ."

 

"No, damn it.  Tell me what the fuck is going on."  He held her hands and looked at her.  "Please.  I'm freaking out here.  Are you ok?  What can I do?"

 

"Yes, I'm ok. I think."  She said turning away.  She didn't want to tell him.  Damn it.  Now what was she going to do?  She had to tell him.  There was no way around it.  He came home at the wrong, damn time.

 

"Amanda!  Please!"  He pleaded.  "I need to know."

 

"I'm late, Niall."  She kept her back towards him when she said it.  Things got real silent.  She turned to look at him, and he was just staring at her, lost.  "As in, I'm late, as in, I think I might be pregnant."

 

Niall just stood there.  Completely shocked.  Completely caught off guard.  He never would have guessed.  This was not one of the scenarios running through his head.  Pregnant?  Fuck.  Really?  Holy shit.  Now his brain was running a million miles an hour, but he wasn't able to figure anything out.  What the hell was he going to do?  He realized he was just standing there, and he looked at her.  What was he going to do?  He hated seeing her so upset and tears in her eyes.  "Princess."  He stepped forward towards her.

 

Amanda took a step back.  "I'm sorry.  I can't believe I was SO stupid.  I forgot all about the fact that I hadn't renewed my birth control."

 

"What?  You what?"  He was surprised.  Breath caught in his throat.

 

"It was a mistake.  An accident!  I definitely didn't do it on purpose!"  Amanda said raising her voice.

 

"I didn't say that."  Niall said.  Crap!  He was shocked.  He couldn't think, but he didn't blame her.  Did he?  No, of course not.

 

"Then say something!"  Amanda said throwing her hands up.

 

"I don't know what to say."  He said running his hand through his hair.  Pregnant.  A baby.  Him a father.  He was going back on tour.  He tried to do the math.  He would be on tour most of the pregnancy.  A baby.  Jesus Christ.

 

"Well, do you think I do??"  Amanda yelled at him.

 

"No.  I don't."  He went and sat at the edge of the couch.  He put his head in his hands, and he thought.  A baby.  It wasn't good timing.  At all.  But he loved Amanda.  A lot.  Why did it have to be the end of the world?  "A baby."  He said it out loud.  He needed to.

 

"Niall."  Amanda was concerned now.  Like Niall seemed really shocked and pale.  He seemed very pale.

 

"A baby."  He looked up at Amanda.  He stood up and looked down at her.

 

"Niall."  Amanda said looking up at him.  He just kept saying 'a baby'.  "What are you thinking?"

 

He picked her up around the waist.  "A beautiful baby. From a beautiful woman."

 

"What?!"  Amanda asked surprised.

 

"It's not a bad thing.  A baby created by us doesn't have to be a bad thing."  He said to her setting her on her feet.

 

"Have you lost your mind?"  Amanda asked him.  She was not prepared for this reaction.  She was sort of prepared for shock and anger.  But not this.  She didn't know what to say.  "Seriously?  We are not ready for a baby."

 

"Maybe not.  Maybe it's not the best timing.  But what can we do about it now?"  He smiled at her.  A tear dropping onto his cheek.  It wasn't good timing.  But he couldn't think of this as a bad thing.  He could get ready.  His nephew was amazing,and Amanda was great with him.

 

"Not the best timing???  Niall!  I'm not ready to be a mother."  Amanda said.  Now she was even more shocked.

 

"Well, what can you do about it now?"  Niall asked.

 

"Well, there are options."  She said.

 

Niall stared at her.  "Options?!  What does that mean?!"  She wouldn't dare think about anything other than having his baby.  Would she?

 

"I'm not ready for a baby, Niall.  And I wasn't ready for this conversation.  I don't know what to do!"  Amanda said stepping back.  She had never seen him with anger in his eyes.

 

"I can't believe you would even consider anything other than having the baby.  We love each other, right?  It's the only option.  The only option is to accept it and deal with it."  Niall said crossing his arms.  He was hurt.

 

"This is a lot, Niall.  A LOT to take in."  She said.

 

"Well then why didn't you take your birth control?!?"  He asked her angrily.

 

"I didn't think I was going to see you for weeks.  I didn't worry about it because I wasn't having sex while you were gone.  I had an appointment to renew it, and then we just went to Indonesia.  Now I'm late.  So, it had to happen when I got there.  It's not like you thought to use any other preventative."

 

"Well, I didn't know you weren't taking it anymore."  He said.  Then he sighed.  "I don't want to fight with you Amanda.  We have to deal with this.  We just do."

 

"No, damn it, Niall.  I can't be happy about this.  I'm sorry.  Not right now.  I love you, but I'm not ready to have a baby.  You travel the world all the time.  I'm not ready to be a mom who takes care of a baby all the time while the baby's dad is out on tour constantly.  When you leave just me, it's one thing, but a baby?"  Amanda said.  She was frustrated.

 

"I understand that.  But if it's already happened,  there's no question that we will deal with it.  Together."  Niall said to her.  They were seeing this in two different ways.  But he still couldn't believe she would consider anything else.

 

Amanda heard the door and looked up to JJ walking in.  Thank god.  She needed some back up.

 

"Panda.  I got the tests...."  She trailed off when she saw Niall.  She looked between the two of them.  Crap.  She walked in at the wrong time.  Well, she didn't have to ask if Amanda had told him.  She walked up and handed Amanda the bag.

 

"Thanks."  Amanda said as she stared at the bag.

 

Oh crap.  Julie thought.  What should she do?  She looked at Niall's face.  Ok, she was going to have to take control.  Time to just be matter of fact.  "Ok, look, let's just get you to take this test.  There's no reason to worry about all of this until we get an answer.  And we will deal with it when we get an answer."  She took Amanda by the arm and walked her to the bathroom.  "Panda, you have to take the test.  Come on."  She opened the door and walked her in.  "I will be right here.  It's ok.  Just take it, Panda.  You're better off knowing."  She watched Amanda silently go towards the toilet.  She walked out and shut the door quietly.

 

Niall looked at JJ.  He waited for her to say something.  He needed her to say something.

 

Julie took a deep breath.  She guessed it was time to put her new-found strength to the test again.  She walked up to Niall and touched his cheek.  "I know you're shocked, friend.  Trust me, so is Panda, and so am I."

 

"Yeah, I was, but it's not the fact that she's pregnant.  It's that she said there were options.  Why would she even think that when it would be OUR baby?"  He asked JJ desperately.

 

Julie took another deep breath.  "It's a lot to take in Niall.  She's hit with this the same as you.  I know she was hoping she could take the test before she told you.  And no, she didn't tell me that.  It's how I would feel.  She's late, but it's not a guarantee.  But imagine when she started realizing that she was late and it became very stressful.  I know I wouldn't be ready for a baby.  Circumstances right now are difficult.  You're gone.  A lot.  She's not ready for a baby, but she's really not ready to have a baby with someone who's going to be out on the road all the time.  It's not like she doesn't love you, Niall.  Trust me, she loves you more than I think you realize.  But no matter what, this is huge.  You have to give her some time.  If she is, we'll deal with it."

 

Niall listened intently as JJ spoke to him calmly and quietly, and for some reason, it had a calming effect on him.  She didn't say anything that he didn't already know, it was how she'd said it.  As calmly as she said it.  As matter-of-fact as she said it.  Something just seemed to calm him.  "Yeah, you're right.  Just hurts she would even think about anything else."

 

"Think of how shocked you were when she told you.  She's going through that.  Plus, she feels she messed up by forgetting about her birth control.  But it's on both of you.  She needs to realize that.  But it will be ok, Ni.  It will be.  No matter what.  I will be there for her, no matter what."  Julie said.

 

"I know you will."  Niall put his head back in his hands and sat at the edge of the couch again.  He felt JJ put her hand on his back and rub it gently.  She played tough, she played cold, but she probably had as big of a heart as anyone he knew.  She just didn't show it until she needed to.  "Thank you.  You're amazing to Amanda.  I'm grateful."

 

"She's amazing to me, Ni.  She's amazing to me."  She stood up with Niall when Amanda walked out of the bathroom with the test in her hand.  She saw Niall stay seated on the couch and just look at Amanda, and Amanda stop where she was.  Oh Christ.  She walked over to Amanda.  "What's it say, babe?"  She put her hand on her shoulder.

 

"It's, negative."  Amanda said as her eyes filled with tears.

 

Julie took the test from her hand and took Amanda to the couch and sat her down.  She took the test, looked at it, and then threw the test in the trash.  She walked over and took Niall's hand and sat him on the couch.  "No matter what you have planned tonight, you need to stay here and talk.  Everyone else can understand.  And if they don't, too bad."  She kissed Niall's cheek and then hugged and kissed Amanda's.  She grabbed her keys and stopped at the door and looked at the two of them.  It had to be a relief that Amanda wasn't pregnant.  But it also had to be hard to realize they weren't in the same place when it came to it.  Damn it.  She didn't want to see her friends go through something like that.  What a hard situation.  Hopefully, they could get through it quickly.  She needed them to be together.  First, to see Amanda so happy.  Second, because she needed them selfishly.  Both of them.  And it would be better when they were happy and together.


	70. Chapter 70

Amanda and Niall sat in silence for a long time.Niall had texted Harry and told him he wouldn't be back to the writing session and then just sat there.Neither knew what to say.Neither knew how to start.It was never a discussion they had thought they'd have to have.They'd never discussed having children, or when they would like them in life.To Niall, it seemed like if it happened, then it did.There was no choice.He would accept it, and if she was pregnant now, they would deal with it, together.He was caught off guard when she mentioned options.No matter how shocked he was, that thought had never come to his mind.He'd never felt so far apart from her before.

 

Amanda looked at Niall a couple times, but she wasn't sure what to say or do.She wasn't ready for a baby.At all.She didn't know what she would have done.If she had been pregnant, she didn't know if she could have handled it.She was shocked at Niall's acceptance of it.She wasn't ready.And he was ready to jump right in.It scared the hell out of her to think about becoming a mother.Especially now.Especially when Niall was touring around the world.All the time.Always somewhere or another.She couldn't see herself raising a baby right now, and then pretty much alone.She knew they would be financially stable, but that wasn't it.It was everything else.She knew she would have JJ, but that would have been a lot to ask of JJ.To help her raise a baby while her boyfriend was touring.

 

Niall got up and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water.He brought one back to Amanda and handed it to her.He sat back down; and after a few more minutes, he looked at her."Guess we need to talk."

 

"Yeah."Amanda said.She didn't look up.She was still shocked at all of this.

 

"Amanda."Niall sighed.This was going to be harder than he thought.He couldn't help but think about her not wanting to keep a baby they'd made together.

 

"I don't know what to say to you, Niall.I'm sorry.Really, I am.But I'm relieved.I'm relieved I'm not pregnant.I don't want to have a baby right now.I'm not ready.I'm sorry I messed up and that I didn't remember to start taking the birth control.I was just, I don't know."She said looking at her hands.

 

"It's not that.Ok, well at first, I was shocked you didn't take it.But it happens.What hurts me is that you would think of anything other than having a baby if it did happen.That you would think there are any other options at this point.I get it's not a great time. I wouldn't have planned it either.But I love you.And if a baby came from our love, then I would accept it as a part of you and me."He said to her.

 

"Well, I'm glad you're so noble, Niall.I'm glad that you will be a knight in shining armor all the time and accept whatever happens.I'm sorry that I'm too selfish to just jump right there.I'm 22. I'm not ready to have a baby.Especially when you're going to be nowhere to be found for months at a time.That's no way to raise a baby, especially when I'm not ready."Amanda said.

 

"I get that."Niall said.

 

"I don't think you do."She stood up."You wouldn't have to be pregnant for nine months and not have me here with you through most of it.You wouldn't have to give birth and keep a baby while I was off touring the world.You wouldn't have your whole life changed as soon as that line on that test came up."

 

"You're right.Sort of.My life would change a lot, Amanda.I wouldn't ever leave you without help.I would never leave you to struggle.I can't believe you would think that."Niall said sitting back on the couch.

 

"That's not what I said.I know I would have everything financially I needed.I know we would never want for anything.Anything but you there with us."Amanda said crossing her arms. "Don't you see that?"

 

"Yes, ok, I get that.It wouldn't be great.It wouldn't be awesome.It wouldn't be the way we would want it.But for you to think about anything other than having the baby."Niall said.He couldn't get over that.

 

"I never made ANY decision.I was scared.I was overwhelmed.I know I'm not ready!It's totally unfair of you to even say anything like that.Like I wouldn't sit here and think about it constantly.Like I wouldn't weigh every option.I'm SORRY that I can't just grasp it and hold onto it.I am NOT ready."Amanda said angrily."And I KNOW I'm not ready!"

 

"Well, I'm not ready either!"Niall said standing up and walking around the couch."I'm not ready.I wouldn't have planned it.But I guess we always knew it could happen.Can't guarantee it wouldn't.So, what?Now we just don't have sex for the rest of our relationship until you're ready?"He asked.Emotions were running high.He knew that he probably wasn't being reasonable.But this had hit him hard.He never would have guessed they would have disagreed on this.

 

"That's ridiculous!Seriously, right now?Come on.Yes, it's a scare.Yes, I was freaked out.No, I didn't know what to do.But aren't you being just a bit ridiculous now?!"She asked him.

 

"Ridiculous?!"He raised his eyebrows."Ridiculous to wonder why the girl I love would choose anything other than having my baby."

 

"Ridiculous to think that it's just that fucking simple!" Amanda said starting to cry.She took a step back when Niall took a step towards her."Don't!Not right now.I know I would have help.I know that.And I know JJ would be here for me whenever you wouldn't.But how fair would that be to her?!?To put that on her when you wouldn't be here!Because I'm not stupid enough to think I'm able to do this on my own.Not now!I wish you would think about THAT instead of focusing on something I never even decided.It's not fair to change everyone else's life because of a mistake I made!Don't you see that?Jesus Christ, Niall!"

 

Niall stopped when she stepped back from him."Wow.How can you not see my point?You love me, you say you love me, you say you love me for who I am but yet now, it's a huge deal."

 

"Of course, it is!!!!! I can take care of myself.But to bring a baby into a world when I'm not ready and you're not around!?That's SELFISH!Our baby would deserve the world.And all the love and all the support.When we're READY!"Amanda said crying harder."I can't take this!"

 

"Well, life isn't perfect and doesn't go as planned all the time!!I can promise you that I would have NEVER asked you to give up OUR baby or other "options" as you say!I would have done EVERYTHING I could have to make it right!" Niall said.

 

"Well making it right isn't always as easy as it seems!"Amanda said."But why do we need to do this anyway?!The test was negative!"

 

"Because it's the THOUGHT.The thought that if it should happen, you would be willing to disregard it as a mistake!" Niall said holding back the emotion in his voice.

 

"That's NOT HOW IT IS!"Amanda said."I can't believe you're so focused on something I wanted to think about or discuss!"

 

"Yeah, well, I guess we're just not going to agree on this."Niall said."So, what do we do?"

 

"I don't know.But I think I need to go home right now."Amanda said wiping her eyes.

 

"Really?"Niall asked a bit caught off guard.

 

"Yeah, I need some time."She said going to his room.Time.And she needed JJ.She needed to talk to JJ.This was just too much.She'd never expected this.She didn't want this.And she didn't expect Niall to react like he had.She expected conflict, but she'd never expected not to be able to talk through it with him.She couldn't deal with it right now.She couldn't deal with him right now.They couldn't come to an agreement.She could go home.They needed to think about this.Not just scream the same things at each other all night.She picked up her phone and texted JJ that she was coming home.God, she'd never felt she needed her friend more than she did now.

 

Niall watched Amanda walk out of the bedroom with her bag."You're really going to go?"He asked her with tears in his eyes.

 

"Yes.I'm sorry.I hate this.I don't want to fight with you, and I hate seeing you upset, but we just can't come to an agreement right now.And I just need some time."She said.It was breaking her heart to see him like that.She never wanted to hurt him.Ever.He was such a great man.He was brilliant and the guy she thought was perfect for her.But right now, she couldn't get past this.He couldn't even understand how hard this was for her.She needed that understanding right now.Maybe after some time to think about it, they could come to an agreement. But right now, it just wasn't working.She didn't see his point, and he didn't see hers.

 

"I don't want to fight with you either.I don't want to see you cry.I don't want to see you upset.I do get how hard this is for you."He sighed."But if you feel you need to go, then who am I to stop you."He walked toward the bedroom.He was hurt, and sad, and upset.But he wouldn't beg her to stay.Not if she didn't want to.Guess they could take some time.He was hurt more than he thought.He was sort of surprised by his own reaction.But he knew.He would raise that baby and be proud of that baby.It would be his.And hers.And that's all that would have mattered.

 

Amanda sighed and walked out the door.It was negative.All this over something that wasn't even something to begin with.Realizing they didn't think anywhere near the same on this was hard.Really hard.She waited for the cab to come and take her home.This would be the first time they would be in the same city and wouldn't be together by choice.She cried the whole way home when she got in the cab.

 

Julie walked into her apartment and threw the keys on the table.What a disaster.She was now more exhausted than ever, but she couldn't think of anything other than Panda.God, she couldn't even imagine what she was going through.She hoped she and Niall were able to work things out.She stepped into the front room never even looking up.

 

"Hey."Harry said standing up from the couch."Where were you?"

 

"Oh.Hey.I didn't expect you to be back yet."She forced a smile at him."I was with Amanda."

 

"Oh.I was supposed to write with Niall tonight.But he left something at home and then texted and said he wouldn't be back.So, I just came home."He looked at her face."Well that's the fakest smile I've seen in a while.What's going on?"

 

"Amanda had an issue.She called.I went."Julie said sitting down on the couch and rubbing her face.

 

"That's all I get?Obviously, it was a bit more than that."Harry said sitting next to her.

 

Julie didn't think it was her place to tell him.But she figured he would find out anyway.And she did feel she needed someone to talk to about it."She, ugh, I probably shouldn't tell you.She thought she might be pregnant.She was late."

 

"Whoa."Harry said, eyes widening at what he was just told."Really?"

 

"Yes, and Niall came home while I was out getting tests for her.I wanted to have her take it before he got back."She said pulling her legs up under her.

 

"Why?Why would she need to take it before he got home?"Harry asked.Seemed odd to him.

 

"She was scared.She was freaked out.She realized she'd made a mistake by not being on birth control when we went to Indonesia.She didn't know what to do.I figured instead of worrying about telling him, she should find out if it was true first."Julie said pulling a pillow onto her lap and playing with the fringe.

 

"Really?Don't you think he should've been the first person she told?"Harry asked.

 

"Not my place to decide.She didn't.She came to me, and I was going to help her."Julie said."So, I got the tests; but when I got back, Niall was already there, and she had told him.They weren't agreeing on things, so I just had her take the test.It was negative.But they had a disagreement, and neither seemed to understand each other. So I told them to talk it out, and Niall needed to stay and others would just have to understand."

 

"What were they disagreeing on?"He asked.

 

"She wanted to have options.He didn't think she should."Julie said.

 

"Options?What options?"Harry asked.

 

"About having the baby."Julie said looking at him.What did he mean what options?

 

"There shouldn't have been a discussion.If she was pregnant, what options would she need?"Harry asked.Really? Why would there need to be a discussion about options?What they would do to make it work, yes, but options?

 

"What?Are you kidding?She's not ready for a baby.She should be able to think about it and discuss her options."Julie said.

 

"So, you're telling me that if this happened to us, that you would think about options?"Harry looked at her."Really?Cuz I think it's pretty obvious what the only option would be."

 

"She's not me.And I think that's extremely unfair."Julie said."That's a huge responsibility.Especially since you would be gone through most of it.Just like Niall would be."

 

"Of course, timing would suck.But there is no question in my mind that I would love anything created by us."Harry said.

 

"That's not fair either Harry, because that's not how it is.Could you imagine it?Having a baby now?While you're out on tour and I'm sitting here working in the ER by myself?Because I think that would be a lot to expect."She said putting the pillow down.

 

Harry played with the rings on his fingers."Well, if you were having my baby, I think that you wouldn't have to worry about working.I think I could manage taking care of you and the baby."

 

"That's ridiculous.So, I should just give up my life to carry and have your baby when we weren't ready for it?Because we made a mistake?"She sat up and put her feet on the floor.

 

"A mistake?I don't think I would ever look at it as a mistake.How could that be a mistake?"He stood up and started pacing the room.

 

"Oh, this is a ridiculous conversation.Why are we even having it?"Julie said leaning back against the back of the couch.

 

"Why?Because I can't believe you would think like that.We would make beautiful children.You would make a great mom, and I think I would be ok at being a dad."Harry said to her.

 

"Wow.I can barely take care of myself right now.I can barely get through the day on my own, and you think I would be able to raise a child.On my own.While you were out roaming the world."She said.

 

"That's not true.You take care of yourself just fine.And I still think you would make a great mother."He had thought that when he walked in on her in South Africa.He couldn't believe she would think of options.He was with Niall on this one.

 

"Oh, this is just ridiculous.Seriously.I'm on birth control.I didn't miss any.I'm not pregnant, and I don't plan on becoming pregnant anytime soon.I'm not ready.I know that.I need to get me straight before I would even consider having children."Julie said standing up herself."This isn't even a conversation we need to be having right now."

 

"Why not?If we disagree on it, don't you think we should talk it out beforehand?"Harry asked.

 

"No.I think this is a conversation we can have when we're ready to discuss it."She said walking towards the kitchen.

 

"Well, I'm ready now.I think we need to discuss what would happen if something like that should happen to us.It's always possible."He said.

 

"No, it's not, Harry.Not likely at all.But, right now, we're not talking about us.It's about them.It was something she was scared over, and I get that."She said grabbing her phone from the counter."Why are we fighting over it?"

 

"Because I can't believe it's even a question in your mind.I can't believe you would think she's right to think about other options.You should be on Niall's side on this one."Harry said.He regretted it immediately when she looked up into his eyes.Yep.He was in trouble.

 

"I should be on Niall's side?Are you serious, right now?So, because you're on Niall's side, I just should be?Yeah, I don't think so.I get Amanda.I get where she's coming from.I get her fear, and I think she should be able to discuss any options she wants.I think your assuming you know how it feels is egotistical and big-headed of you.I also think that your putting us in a situation that neither of us would have any clue how it feels is completely unfair."Julie said.She looked down at her phone when her text message went off."Panda's coming home.I think you should go."

 

"You think I should go?Are you fucking kidding me, right now?"He said walking towards her.

 

"Not in the least.Panda needs me.And I will be there for her through whatever she needs.She's coming home.To her home and she doesn't need to see this."She said putting her phone on the table."So, you should go."

 

"Fuck that.We're having a disagreement that doesn't mean I need to go."Harry said.

 

"No, it doesn't."She said."But I won't have you here when you're questioning her intentions and her thoughts and what she's feeling."

 

"Come on."He said."I think you're being ridiculous now."

 

"Of course, I am, because I don't agree with you, so now I'm ridiculous."She said.

 

"Fine, I'll go.So, because they're fighting we have to, also?"He asked.

 

"No, we're fighting because you refuse to accept that we don't all have to feel the same and that doesn't make us wrong."She said.

 

"Yeah, same."He said as he went and grabbed his bag.He hadn't even opened his LA home yet.So, he would have to go to a hotel.Or to Niall's.Yeah, he would just go to Niall's.She was being ridiculous.But he wanted to stay and work it out.When he turned to watch her though, she had closed right up.He could see it in her body language.They wouldn't work anything out tonight, so he might as well just go and hope they could work it out tomorrow.Damn it.It wasn't even their issue.She was right about that.Yet here they were, spending the night apart anyway.He shook his head and left.Fuck this.

 

Julie waited for Amanda to get home.She had everything set up on the coffee table in front of the couch.Tissues, movies, ice cream, and chocolate syrup.Anything that she believed would make Amanda feel better.When Amanda came in, she immediately went up and hugged her.She didn't even say anything.She took her to the couch and sat down with her.She held her tightly and let her cry.Julie knew she needed it."I love you Panda.I will be here with you.Always.Things will be ok."She couldn't worry about her and Harry right now.She couldn't.Amanda was all she could concentrate on.She kissed her head and sat there with her.A movie on in the background and held her for hours.Until Amanda fell asleep.She wasn't going to move.She fell asleep out of pure exhaustion after a while.Why did life have to be so complicated?One step forward and two steps back.Every time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh!?! Does this spell disaster for one or both of our couples??!? What do you think?
> 
> Hope you're enjoying the story! Please feel free to leave any thoughts or comments. Let's talk! 


	71. Chapter 71

Julie woke up to knocking on the door.  Amanda was still sound asleep on her lap.  Her head was killing her.  Ugh.  Stress and this whole situation.  Lack of sleep.  Life just seemed to go from one fucked up mess to another.  She heard a key in the door.  Must be Harry.  She realized it was really light outside.  She looked at the clock and saw that it was mid-morning.  She gently lifted Amanda's head and got up repositioning Amanda on the couch and started walking towards the door.  She stopped both Harry and Niall as they walked in.  "You could have called."  She said to them.

 

"Oh, so now I have to call to come?  Since when?"  Harry asked her surprised.

 

"Since last night, since you knew what's going on here."  She looked at him and then at Niall.

"We're not doing this right now."  She crossed her arms and stood in front of them so they couldn't walk further into the apartment.

 

"Oh, Jesus Christ.  It's like Paris in reverse."  Niall said as he looked her.  Julie had the same look on her face Amanda did when she was in protective mode.  This was not going to go over well.

 

"Whatever.  She's sleeping, and she's not ready to talk to you right now."  Julie said.  "So, you should just go until she's ready."

 

"Julie, let's not do this."  Harry said.

 

Julie rolled her eyes.  "Yes, let's.  I'm not ready to talk to you either.  I think we both need some time to think about things.  And right now, I just haven't been able to."

 

"Aren't you the one who said it wasn't even about us?"  Harry asked running his hand through his hair.

 

"Yes.  But you sure made it about us."  She grabbed Niall's arm when he went to walk around her.  "Not now, Niall."

 

"Yes, now.  You two need to stop doing this with each other.  We can work it out."  Niall said to her a bit angrily.  Which probably wasn't his smartest move.  He watched her let go of his arm, but he saw her hands clench into fists.  She was fighting back at least some sort of anger.

 

"There is no one, who wants you to work this out more than I do, Niall.  But she is NOT ready to deal with it.  You have NO idea how this affected her.  You CHOSE not to listen to her.  Her feelings matter.  No matter if you agree with them or not.  And YOU should have respected that.  She was trying to sort through the shock and the realization of what she believed SHE had caused.  And BOTH of you went straight to judging her for having those feelings.  Not for making a decision, but for even momentarily thinking about it.  And right now, NEITHER of you are going to make her feel like her feelings are invalid by starting your, 'you love me so you should just deal with it', shit.  Sorry.  Not going to happen.  Neither one of you can even begin to realize the shock that she went through when this all came to her.  So, you both can go stand on your pedestals elsewhere right now.  The 'I'm too noble to think about anyone else's feelings' is not going to play out right now.   And you need to accept that it was all so new, and it was scary, and that she had a million different scenarios running through her head."  She re-crossed her arms and just stood there.  Neither one of the guys said anything.  They both just looked at the floor like punished little puppies.  She didn't even feel sorry for them at that moment.  Ok, maybe just a little bit.  But she couldn't deal with it all.  "Yeah, I think you both should go."

 

Harry looked at her and licked over his teeth frustrated.  "I think we should talk about this.  But, apparently this is going to take longer than we have right now.  We have to be in the studio soon."

 

"Of course, you do.  Don't keep anyone else waiting."  Julie said turning on her heel and walking away.

 

"Don't do that.  You know I can't help it."  Harry said exasperated.

 

"Right.  But you're both ready to have a baby right now, totally reasonable."  She said not even turning around.

 

"That's not..."  Harry started, but Niall stopped him.

 

"Not going to do any good right now.  Trust me, I tried that once.  We should just go."  Niall said as he turned and opened the door.

 

Harry stood there for a minute.  He then shook his head.  "Yeah, guess you're right."  He walked towards the door and turned back to look at Julie.  She had her hands over her eyes, and she was taking a deep breath.  He didn't want to leave, but he didn't want to fight with her right now either.  There was no reasoning with her when she was being this unreasonable.  She was the one being unreasonable, right?  He walked out with Niall, and they went to the studio.  Should prove for a long day.

 

Amanda woke up on the couch and looked around.  Home.  She was home.  The previous day coming back and hitting her in the face with reckless abandon.  She saw JJ staring out the glass doors of their small balcony, coffee cup in her hand.  She looked stiff.  "JJ?"

 

Julie turned around and smiled a sympathetic smile at Amanda.  "Hey."  She said walking towards her.  She set her mug on the table and sat down on the coffee table in front of Amanda.  She took her hands.  "How are you doing?"

 

"I've been better.  Glad you're here with me.  I feel pretty alone."  She tried not to start crying again.

 

"You will never be alone.  Not while I'm breathing."  Julie said.

 

"I just thought, I don't know.  As much as I don't want to talk to him,  I thought Niall would try to stop me from leaving."  Amanda admitted.

 

Julie let out a breath.  "He was here this morning.  Both he and Harry came."

 

"He was?"  Amanda looked at her.

 

"Yes.  I made them leave."  Julie admitted to Amanda.

 

Amanda nodded.  "Yeah, probably for the best.  But I don't want to cause issues with you and Harry."

 

"Oh, it's not you; it's him."  Julie sort of chuckled softly.  "Guess Niall was right about one thing. This is definitely Paris with roles reversed."

 

"Why are you arguing with Harry?  You didn't have to have him leave."  Amanda said taking her hands from JJ and rubbing her face.

 

"Yes, I did.  This is our home.  You didn't need him here.  Especially when he was going on about the same things Niall was.  As soon as I said I understood what you were going through, he went all high and mighty.  Just like Niall.  Not understanding anything.  Apparently, having feelings isn't right unless you agree with him."  Julie said leaning back on her hands on the table.

 

"Oh, Jesus.  There isn't a baby.  Not from me and not from you.  Why does it have to be like this?"  Amanda asked.

 

"I don't know.  Trust me, I couldn't figure out why we were arguing about a hypothetical all of a sudden.  But none of that matters."  She stood up.  "What do you need?  Do you want coffee?  Or breakfast?"  She asked Amanda.

 

"You don't have to take care of me."  Amanda said standing up.

 

"Well, I want to.  Go take a shower, and I will have coffee and breakfast ready when you get out.  Ok, well it will be lunch, but since you just got up we will call it breakfast."  Julie said realizing it was already after noon.

 

"So technical.  I see this black and white brain thing now.  Makes a lot of sense."  She forced a small smile at JJ and went to take a shower.  She needed black and white JJ right now.  Even though she was proud of her for feeling more, for showing emotions and letting things out, sometimes she needed matter-of-fact, calm, and reasonable JJ.  Now was one of those times.  Amanda didn't like that JJ was sending Harry away.  But they could deal with that later.  She took a shower and then went out to the kitchen.  Breakfast smelled delicious.  "Wow.  What an amazing breakfast."  Amanda said looking at all the food.  JJ must feel stressed. Amanda remembered multiple meals that were extravagant when she wanted to keep herself busy.

 

"Yeah, sorry.  Got carried away."  She looked at Amanda's face.  "Yes, a coping mechanism.  Just enjoy it.  I needed it to keep busy."  She made herself and plate and sat next to Amanda.  They sat quietly both picking at their plates but not knowing what to say.

 

"You know what's sad.  All I can think of is how much Niall would be enjoying all of this food right now."  Amanda said dropping the piece of bacon she had in her hand and wiping her eyes with her napkin.  She was starting to cry again.

 

"I know."  Julie said.  She was thinking the same thing.  And about how Harry would have made fun of her for making everything as unhealthy as possible.  This relationship thing sucked.  She hated the way he was acting right now, but she couldn't stop thinking of him.

 

"I know I need to talk to him."  Amanda said pushing her plate back and leaning back against the stool.

 

"Yes, you do."  Julie said to her.  "But when you're ready.  Not before."

 

"When will I know?"  Amanda asked her.

 

"I don't know.  But you will.  You will just know."  Julie pushed aside her emotions and her feelings and looked at Amanda.  "Right now, you're going through your own doubts, your own thoughts, your own feelings.  He can't seem to accept and support that.  That means if you do it now, when neither of you are willing to compromise to each other's feelings, it will just be a mess.  You're allowed to have your feelings, and he should respect that.  He should understand that."

 

"So, I should understand his with that assessment, right?"  Amanda asked.

 

"Of course."  Julie said.  "But, the point is.  They both need to realize that it's not something they would ever understand.  I get where they are coming from.  To a point.  And I'm sure you do too.  And I'm sure you thought exactly that same thing.  How much you love Niall and how much it would mean to have something you two created.  But that doesn't mean they can act the way they did because there are other things running through your mind.  You never once dismissed that thought.  But by god, you can think and feel everything you need to."  She got up and took her plate and emptied it into the trash and put it in the sink.

 

"Yeah.  I don't mean to put all this on you."  Amanda said.

 

"Don't you do that.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  You've been there for me through so many things.  This is nothing."  Julie said.  She looked at all the food she had cooked.  Part of her wanted to pack it up and send it to the boys.  Just seemed natural.  She hated being mad at Harry and at Niall.  She was mad at them both.  She honestly never thought either of the guys would disregard their feelings the way they had.  "We just need a break from them I guess to re-evaluate."

 

"Do we?"  Amanda asked her.  She was confused.  She was counting on JJ for that steadiness.  For the matter-of-fact answer.  She figured out though, that she wasn't going to get it.

 

"Hell if I really know."  Julie admitted.  "I just don't know what to think honestly.  I'm surprised either of them showed so much disregard for our feelings.  I assumed they would at least put value in them whether they disagreed or not."

 

"Yeah.  I'd like him to see my side.  But we seem pretty far away on this."  Amanda said.  "I don't know what to do either."

 

"Well, I just think, which could be wrong, that it's a moot point.  I mean, there's no baby.  The test was negative.  Birth control is taken.  Likelihood of anyone getting pregnant is minuscule. Yet they seem to think because things go through our minds, it's the end of the world."

 

"Yeah."  Amanda sighed.  "We need to talk to them, huh?"

 

"Fuck."  Julie said.  "Yes.  There's no bigger fan of you and Niall together than I am.  But I'm just not sure I'm ready to wrap my head around any of it.  But yes, you should talk to Niall."

 

"And you should talk to Harry."  Amanda said.

 

Julie looked at Amanda when there was a quiet knock on the door.   She walked to the door and opened it.  She once again looked at Harry and Niall standing at the door.  This time Harry didn't use the key that he had been given. 

 

"Can we come in now?"  Harry asked her.  When she stepped aside, he walked in with Niall.

 

Niall went straight towards Amanda.  "We need to talk.  No more avoiding it."

 

"Yeah, I guess we do."  Amanda said looking towards JJ and Harry.

 

"Alone."  Niall said firmly.

 

"Of course, Niall.  But I caused trouble between them too.  Don't think I'm not going to worry about it."  She shook her head.

 

Julie overheard Amanda.  "Not your fault."  She walked towards her room.  "Don't even go there.  It apparently is a much bigger issue than you."  She leaned back against her bedroom door waiting for Harry before they went in and closed the door.

 

"Do you need anything?"  Niall asked Amanda.

 

"No, I'm fine."  She walked towards the couch but didn't sit.  "I still don't know what to say to you."

 

"Yeah, ok.  I'm not sure what to say either.  But we have to say something."  He walked towards her.

 

"What do we say when we don't agree?  On something like this?  Like you can't understand how horrible I felt.  How scared I was.  That I would think of things other than just happily having your baby."  Amanda said to him.

 

"That's not exactly how I meant it.  But when you said options...."  Niall started.

 

"Yes!  I thought about EVERYTHING!"  She took a deep breath to calm down.  "Look, I get where you're coming from.  To a point.  But you don't seem to understand how hard, and how difficult, it was for me to get through this.  You think you're right and that's it.  That's not how this works.  Sorry to say."

 

"I understand you have your own thoughts and your own feelings.  Don't think I don't.  But how can I listen to you say there's options for a baby we would have made?  I would never."  Niall said.

 

"Yeah, you're noble, Niall.  I get it.  Sorry, I'm not.  Think of me anyway you want.  I won't change the fact that I can't handle that thought right now.  And if you can't accept that, then I don't know what to do."  Amanda said sitting on the couch.  The room became awkwardly silent.

 

Harry watched Julie lean up against the dresser.  She looked even worse than she had yesterday morning.  "Are you ok?"

 

"Not really."  She said pulling her hair back out of her face.  "Sort of in a pretty big fight with my boyfriend.  Bit stressful."

 

He sighed.  "Yeah, but that's not it.  I could tell prior to yesterday.  I questioned you yesterday morning."

 

"And I told you I wasn't feeling the greatest, but it wasn't a big deal."  She said.

 

"Well, then what is it?  You're losing weight, and you look pale."  He said to her.

 

"Stress, Harry.  I've been stressed for months.  I'm going through so many different emotions constantly I don't know which way is up.  Everyone sees the change for the good, but no one bothers to see how hard it is, or how much it takes of me.  Which is fine.  I'm working on it.  But it's hard.  I'm fine.  I will be fine."  She said to him pushing herself off the dresser.  "But will we be fine?"

 

"Really?  You're taking a fight and wondering if we will be fine?"  He asked her.

 

"Seems a pretty big thing when you question my feelings, or for having feelings.  Over some hypothetical scenario.  But the biggest thing is why you would think my feelings are less valid than yours."  She said.

 

"I don't think your feelings are less valid than mine."  Harry said to her.

 

"How else do you explain questioning my understanding of what Amanda was going through?"  Julie said.  "So, you've experienced being a female in a very unexpected or fragile situation?  So, you know exactly how we should feel if something like that is a possibility?"

 

"Of course, I don't."  He said.

 

"Then I don't get it."  She said to him.  They were standing across the room from each other.  Looking at each other.  Neither knowing what to say, nor what to do.

 

"Yeah, neither do I."  Harry said looking at her.  The distance between them was heartbreaking.  Opposite sides of the room just staring at each other.  "Guess I should go."

 

"Yeah, guess you should."  Julie said.  She bit her lip to stop her lip from trembling.  She crossed her arms and just stood there.

 

He took a step towards her but then stopped.  There wasn't anything to say right now.  "I'll see ya, then."  He said as he turned and left the room.  "Niall, I'm outta here."

 

"Yeah, I might as well come with you."  Niall looked down at Amanda who had sat on the couch and was looking at the floor.  He thought about hugging her, but decided against it.  He turned and left with Harry.  They walked to the car in silence.  The studio seemed like a haven to run to.  Neither of them knew how this was going to work out.

 

Julie walked to her door and leaned against the doorframe.  She saw the door close behind Niall and Harry and looked at Amanda who looked at her.  Neither of them could cry.  They just couldn't.  This situation was difficult.  How would they get through it?  Together.  That's how.  Julie walked to the couch and climbed onto it with Amanda.  They just sat in silence.  Together.  They would figure it out.


	72. Chapter 72

The next afternoon, Niall and Harry were sitting in the studio trying to work on songs they were supposed to write for the new album.  Neither was being very productive.  They had other things on their minds.

 

Harry walked into the room Niall was in.  "Have you talked to Amanda today at all?"

 

"No."  Niall said setting his guitar aside.  "You talked to JJ?"

 

"No."  Harry said sitting down and sighing.  "I tried to call, but it keeps going to voicemail."

 

"Same."  Niall said.  "What are we going to do?"

 

Harry shrugged.  "I don't know.  Go back I guess.  Or get them to come to us.  It's been 24 hours, and it's the first time I haven't talked to her in that long since we got together."

 

"Same."  Niall said.  "Dating best friends is difficult.  More so than I ever imagined."

 

"Yeah, we seem to share each other's problems.  Doesn't go very well."  Harry pulled out his phone and tried to call Julie again.  "Ok, her phone has been going straight to voicemail all day.  That's odd.  Even if she was ignoring my calls, it should at least ring."

 

"Yeah, Amanda's not answering.  Guess I can try again too."  Niall dialed Amanda and waited.  "Yeah, no answer."

 

"Let's just go over there.  We aren't getting anything done anyway."  Harry said standing up.

 

"Yeah, guess you're right.  Faster we deal with this, better it will be for everyone."  Niall said getting up with him.  No matter what happens.  It would be better than this.  His phone started ringing and he looked at it.  "It's a number I don't recognize."  He looked at Harry and then answered because it was an LA area code.  "Hello?"  Niall heard an unfamiliar voice and then listened carefully.

 

Harry watched Niall, he watched Niall's face drop and him turn pale.  He walked up to him.  "Niall.  What's going on?"  Niall looked scared.  He put his hand under his elbow to help steady him.  He was waiting but he was going crazy.  What was wrong.

 

Niall felt sick.  He listened as the voice on the other end spoke gently to him.  When he hung up the call he couldn't move.  He shook his head when he heard Harry speaking.  "Oh, god."  He looked up at Harry.  How could he tell him?  He couldn't believe it himself.

 

"Niall.  What is wrong?"  Harry asked a little more firmly.  "Please tell me what the hell is happening."

 

"The girls."  Niall said.  "They were, that was one of the nurses at the hospital.  One of their friends calling.  There was a car accident earlier today.  The girls were in it.  It was pretty serious."

 

Harry stumbled backwards at Niall's words.  "Are they...."  He couldn't ask.

 

"They are in the hospital now, being treated.  She didn't know a lot of details.  All she said was it was bad.  The girls didn't give the hospital our numbers because of privacy, but they gave it to one of their friends for emergencies."  Niall sat down on the couch.  Almost like he couldn't stand anymore.

 

"Niall!"  Harry said.  "We have to go to the hospital!"

 

"I know.  I know."  Niall got to his feet.  He looked at Harry.  Harry looked like he felt.  Petrified.  Here he thought Amanda and Julie weren't answering calls or texts because they were still mad and didn't want to.  But that wasn't it.  It was a lot more serious than that.

 

Harry walked out of the room.  They had to explain how they needed to leave another writing session.  How could he explain he didn't even know what was happening?  It was bad?  How bad?  They were being treated now.  What did that mean?  Harry and Niall struggled through the explanation and were advised that they would be driven to the hospital.  They weren't going to be driving on their own.  Probably for the best anyway. Harry wasn't sure he could.  He couldn't figure out why they were standing here so long.  "What the fuck is going on?  Come on already!"  He was unnerved.  He wanted to know what was happening.

 

"Fucking hell."  Niall said.  "Can we go already? What's taking so long?!"

 

"We're trying to figure out details.  Figure out where to go, what's going on and prepare for your arrival.  Make sure security is in place."  Paul, their handler said.

 

"Who gives a fuck!"  Harry yelled at him.  "If you aren't going to take us,  I'm going anyway!"  He went to walk out the door.

 

Paul grabbed him.  "Trust me, Harry.  I understand, but it will be easier if we get it all straight now.  Make sure there are no issues getting you in and no issues while you're there.  Last thing you want is trouble with paps or fans."  He took Harry and Niall back and made them sit in the chairs in the waiting room.  "I promise we will get you there as soon as we can.  Trust me."  He said nodding at them both and going back to figuring out logistics.

 

"Fuck this shit!"  Harry said.  "I can't handle this!  I just want to go to the fucking hospital to see what the hell is going on!"

 

"I know."  Niall said.  Emotion clouding his voice.  "I know exactly what you're feeling."  He had a sinking feeling.  It was the worst feeling ever.  He looked up at the tv when the news lady mentioned a morning accident that closed down a portion of the freeway for hours this morning.  He covered his mouth when he saw the chaos.  He saw so many vehicles, so much carnage.  It had to be the accident that the girls had been in.

 

Harry looked up when Niall gasped and saw the wreckage on the tv.  Jesus Christ.  His heart dropped.  There was such a massive accident.  Smashed cars were everywhere.  The announcer was stating that it had started from a tractor-trailer jackknifing across the lanes of the 405, and the vehicles behind it had nowhere to go.  They were talking about fatalities and the critically injured.  When he recognized the car that the girls drove, he stood up.  "We have to go, NOW!"  He looked at Paul.  "No waiting.  We have to go!"

 

"Ok, let's go.  We've got most of it, by the time we get there, we should be good."  Paul said.  Even he knew at this point, it was important to get Harry and Niall there.

 

Niall walked silently out to the SUV with Harry.  There were no words that could be spoken right now.  He was sitting there with tears in his eyes, and when he looked at Harry, his eyes looked the same.  Neither wanted to address the possibilities, but he knew they were both thinking the same horrible thoughts.  So, neither were willing to mention them.  He couldn't bring himself to say anything.  Positive or negative.

 

Harry sat back and closed his eyes.  All he could think about was the last time he'd seen Julie.  How they were fighting.  How he hadn't told her he loved her.  What if he didn't get to do that again?  What if the last time he walked out is the last chance he got at that?  He slammed his fist into the headrest of the seat in front of him.  "Fuck!!  I wish they would have told us more!!"

 

"I know, Harry."  Niall said.  "She said she just didn't have details, but since she had an opportunity that she wanted to call.  She said they were slammed with everyone from the accident.  She didn't know the details.  She said that the hospital called their parents because they were the emergency numbers and that they didn't want to give anyone our numbers.  Amanda trusted her to unlock her phone in case of an emergency, so she was able to call just so we'd know."

 

"Ok, I get it.  But I don't like it."  Harry said.  How much longer could it take to get to the damn hospital?  He didn't remember it being that far away.  He looked at his watch.  Time seemed to be standing still.  They hadn't even been in the car very long.  He just wanted to get there.  "Could you turn that off?!"  Harry asked the driver.  Maybe a little abruptly.  There was news on the radio talking about the accident, about how bad it was.  He didn't want to hear it anymore.

 

"Harry.  What are we going to do?"  Niall asked.  He was moving around in his seat.  He couldn't get comfortable.  He didn't know what to think, what to do.

 

"Find out what is going on, I guess.  What else can we do?"  Harry sat up and looked out the window.  He could now see the hospital.  They pulled up to a door in the back of the hospital.  They weren't going to be taken into the main entrance.  This all took too long though.  He just wanted to get in there to see what had happened to Julie.  They were met by a security member of the hospital who took both of them and Paul in.  He didn't have any information,  Harry figured, but he had to ask.  He would ask anyone he saw.  They walked through a maze of corridors and into an elevator, up six floors and to a small waiting room.  "Why are we here?!  Can't someone take me to her?"  He cried out.

 

A nurse came and sat Harry and Niall down.  Even though Niall asked her, she said she couldn't tell them anything just yet.  Just that he needed give it some time, and a doctor would be down to speak with them.  "Give it time?  We haven't heard anything at all, from anyone!"  Niall said standing up and starting to pace.

 

Harry clenched his fists.  Why were they making them wait?  Why couldn't anyone tell him a fucking thing about his girlfriend?  This was getting on his last nerve.  He wanted to use his name for something.  He never wanted to do that.  But if he could get any answers because of who he was, now would be the time.  He started pacing with Niall.  By the way this was going,there would be paths worn in the carpet from both of them.  They seemed to wait forever.  "Jesus Christ!! Can someone PLEASE tell me what's going on with my fucking girlfriend?!"  He turned to see a nurse walking into the room.  "I'm sorry."  He said.

 

"It's ok.I understand.Please have a seat."She said gesturing towards the chair.

 

Neither sat.Harry just looked at her."If it's ok, we'll just stand.Could you please tell us what's going on?"

 

"I'm technically not supposed to be here."She said looking at them."I'm Sara.I'm the one who called you.I know Amanda and Julie well.I'm not supposed to tell you anything because of privacy since you're not family.And I don't know much really.We've been so busy since the accident.I didn't even know they were here until I called you because we've had all hands-on deck."She took a deep breath."Sorry, I'm rambling.All I know is that it's not good.I'm so sorry.Amanda's in surgery, and Julie is with our trauma team.There are so many people here.I can promise they have the best doctors though.I'm waiting for word from Amanda and Julie's families.Once they find out you're both here, I'm hoping they will give permission for our doctors to tell you more.As soon as I find out what's going on for sure, I will come give you something.I'm really sorry."

 

"It's ok."Niall said.It wasn't ok, but he couldn't take his frustration out on her.She looked miserable also, and if she was friends with the girls, he wouldn't do that to her.He looked at Harry's face.His jaw was clenched.Niall wanted to say something more, but also didn't want to say anything he would regret."Anything you can tell us when you find out would be great, please."He nodded at her as she walked out the door.He sat down in the chair and put his head in his hands.

 

Harry sank into a chair next to Niall.They still knew nothing,except that maybe the girls were still alive.He put his head in his hands and broke down.Harry hadn't cried yet, but he couldn't help it now.What was happening?The last time he'd seen her, 24 hours ago, he'd left without saying he loved her.The last thing she would remember from him is him walking out the door without thinking of her feelings."Niall, what have we done?"

 

"I don't know."Niall wiped the tears from his eyes."I should've just stayed.I should have just told her I loved her.I should have just got off my pedestal and listened."He started crying harder.This was the worst feeling in the world.They knew nothing.He looked at Harry who was sitting with his face in his hands again.What had they done?All over something that wasn't even real.All over feelings and decisions that were never made, nor that needed to be made.

 

Harry and Niall sat in the waiting room with Paul and a couple other security team members.It felt really lonely.They could have used someone to comfort them.They could have used the girls' loving presence right then.No answers had been given yet.After a couple of hours, the nightly news came on.The leading story was the accident.They didn't want to watch, but when they heard, 'LA Memorial nurses' heroes on the road', they looked up.It was helicopter footage which must have been not long after the accident.The road was filled with damaged cars.It was so devastating.No wonder the hospital was full.There were so many people involved.The news anchors were talking, but the boys froze.On screen, they could see Julie and Amanda.They were crawling through the wreckage.Every so often they would stop and reach into cars and help people out, or they would assess people on the ground.It was like at the concert when they jumped rows of chairs to help the girl who passed out, only times a million.

 

Niall watched both girls.When the camera showed Amanda trying to help people, he could tell she was hurt.She could barely make herself move.She seemed to be having a hard time with one of her arms.She was bleeding.But she was still helping others.When she got up to walk she held her right arm and she had a pretty pronounced limp.Yet she was still rushing to help others.So unselfish.Why would he assume she was being selfish about this possible pregnancy?That wasn't her.She was the most unselfish person he knew.He felt like an idiot.What was he doing?

 

Harry watched Julie when the camera panned over to her.Amanda was hurt.He could tell and when he looked at Niall, he could tell how much he was hurting.When he watched Julie, he felt just like Niall looked.She was obviously hurt.She was bleeding from her head.It was hard to tell exactly where but seemed to be over her left eye.Her clothes were torn, and she seemed to be struggling to move around.She still would climb halfway into cars and help people out.Pulling people from smoking or burning vehicles.It was amazing and extremely scary.But she was active.Why was she with trauma now?What changed?He looked at Niall when the news cut to what must have been after the chaos died down.They showed people at the ambulances.That's when he saw it.Julie had been walking towards the ambulances when she grabbed her head and fell to her knees.She looked at her hands full of blood, and then he saw paramedics arrive at her side and he couldn't see anymore.They panned to another ambulance, and they were loading Amanda in on a stretcher.The news had cut back to the anchors who had then mentioned the nurses who helped were being treated, but there were no updates.

 

Niall looked at Harry who just stared back at him.There were no words.Their girlfriends saved the lives of so many, but they sacrificed themselves to do so.They were hurt, obviously, but it never stopped them, which could have just made their injuries worse."We're idiots."Niall said standing up."Just idiots."He started pacing."They are the most unselfish people I know.Look what they did!And we questioned them, over something stupid.We didn't listen, and we just assumed what we wanted!"

 

"I know."Harry said quietly.He'd never really seen Niall angry before.He was always so calm, so accepting.He was more of the hot head when it got that far.But he felt if Niall needed it, maybe he should try to stay calm."I don't know what we were thinking.I don't even know how it all started.It just seems so stupid right now.What if that's the last thing we said to each other?What if we left without saying 'I love you', and it's the last time we see them?"

 

"Don't think like that!"Niall said stopping and staring down at Harry.Harry had tears falling onto his cheeks."I mean, they were helping others!They saved lives!They have to be ok!"

 

"Yeah, but I saw her fall.I saw the paramedics rush to her.She looked scared."Harry said emotion clouding his voice."She looked so scared, and I wasn't with her!If we weren't fighting.If we could have gotten over ourselves, maybe they would've come to meet us this morning instead of heading out on the 405.Maybe this wouldn't have happened."

 

Paul walked over to them."You cannot be blaming yourselves for this.Niall, Harry.It was an accident.There's nothing you could have done to prevent it."

 

Harry stood up."Yes!If we weren't such jackasses the past couple of days then things could have been different!Maybe they wouldn't have been out on the road so early!Maybe they would have been with us instead!"

 

"He's right."Niall said."They were out awfully early.If we would have been with them, they wouldn't have been out.I don't know where they were going, but I bet it had something to do with us.I bet they were trying to get a distraction from the issues with us.Just like they did in Paris."He sat back down in the chair.

 

"There's no way you guys could have known this was going to happen.Stop being so hard on yourselves."Paul said."I'm going to send someone to get you guys some food and drinks.I figured I couldn't get you to leave for anything."He sighed and went and spoke to a team member who went for food.He looked back at the boys.He couldn't even imagine what they were going through.

 

Harry looked at his phone when it rang.It was his mom.It was really late in the U.K.Or rather, it would have been really early in the morning.Why would she be calling him?He looked over at Niall when his phone rang almost at the same time.When Niall said "mum", Harry knew Paul must have told their families.How was he going to tell her?How was he going to hold it together?"Mum?"He answered.When she asked how he was and what was happening, he lost it.He couldn't stop the tears.He tried to explain everything to her, but it took some time."Mum, what am I going to do?What if I lose her?"His mum didn't have any answers for him.But she always managed to be what he needed.She was his everything.Talking to her didn't fix anything, but he didn't feel as alone.He promised he would keep her updated and sat back when they hung up.

 

Niall spoke to his mum.He explained everything that had happened.He told her how proud he was that Amanda had helped all those people while she could.He broke down when he explained that he didn't know what was going on and wasn't even sure if Amanda was ok.His mum comforted him the best she could, and he always needed his mum, but even she couldn't make him feel any better about the situation.Comfort and love, but he still couldn't shake the horrible feeling.After he hung up, he glanced at Harry, and just then, the nurse, Sara, who had spoken to them earlier came back in.He stood up with Harry.

 

"Sorry it's been so long.Both Amanda and Julie's parents are trying to get here as quickly as possible.I thought you would like to know that."Sara said to them.

 

"Yes, of course."Niall said."Do you have anything else on Amanda?Or JJ?"

 

"Not much.But we did get permission from their families to keep you guys updated, so as soon as there is any news, one of the doctors will be able to give you details.I'm really very sorry."Sara said trying to smile at them but then turned to walk away.

 

"Niall, we should help get their families here."Harry said.He needed to do something.He needed to feel like he was helping.

 

"Of course.Yes, that's a great idea."He got up."Sara?"When she turned around, he asked her to contact the girls' parents, so that they could get them to LA as soon as possible.They spent the next hour or so getting flights set for Amanda's and Julie's parents.They all still had long flights, so it would still take them a long time to get to LA.They sat back down when they saw a doctor walk into the room.They both jumped back up out of their seats.

 

"Hello, I'm Dr. Miller."The doctor said shaking both of their hands."Which of you is here for Amanda?"

 

"I am."Niall said.He looked up at Harry who stepped back."What's wrong?What's going on?"

 

"Amanda is in recovery now. When she came in, she had a compound break in her arm and lots of cuts and bruises, along with a badly sprained ankle.She had lost quite a bit of blood, and we had to get her into surgery to close some of her wounds and to fix her broken arm.She's stable, but still serious.She should be going to her room soon.We anticipate her waking from anesthesia anytime now.Even though she's gotten through surgery, things will be tough for the next 24 hours or so."He said to Niall."We're hopeful, but we still have to be cautious."

 

Niall nodded when the doctor was finished speaking.It sounded so serious still, but she was alive.That gave him hope.Hope is what he needed."Will I be able to see her?"

 

"Yes, once she's back to her room, a nurse will come get you and take you to her.Shouldn't be long now."He shook Niall's hand again.

 

"Doctor?"Harry said stepping forward."What about Julie?Do you know anything about her?"

 

"I'm sorry.I was in surgery with Amanda.I will see if I can find anyone to come update you."He nodded at Harry and Niall and then left.The nurse was already advising him of his next surgery.

 

Harry clapped Niall on the back."Sounds promising."

 

"Yeah, I guess."Niall said."Still serious though.I wish they would be able to tell you something about JJ."

 

"Yeah, me too."Harry said.

 

About an hour later, a nurse came back for Niall.She was going to take him to Amanda's room.But before he could leave, he saw another doctor come in, and he figured it was for JJ so he asked if he could wait a minute.He needed to make sure Harry was ok.

 

"Hi, I'm Dr. Thompson.Are you here for Julie?"He asked Harry.

 

"Yes, I am."Harry said.He almost felt the color run from his face.He couldn't even bring himself to ask how she was.

 

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to come talk to you.I haven't left her since she came in.Please sit."He said leading Harry to the chairs.

 

Harry went with him and sat.He really didn't want to sit, but he had a sinking feeling."Doctor?Is she ok?"

 

"Things are a bit complicated.She hit her head in the accident.The swelling took time to form, but by the time she got here, it was pretty severe.We sutured the large cut on her forehead and stitched a couple of other cuts she had; however, the swelling wasn't slowing down.With her previous head injuries, this one became severe pretty quickly.We've had to induce a temporary coma to manage the swelling.The next 72 hours will tell us a lot.She's going to be monitored in the ICU until we can figure out the best course of action."He put his hand on Harry's shoulder."She's in the best hands.We love her here.There is no one who will take better care of her than we will.We've put her in the same room with Amanda.Even though that's not typically how it works, we know the two of them would want it that way."He stood."I have some other patients to see.But as soon as we know anything else, we will let you know.

 

Harry looked at Niall when Niall came up to hug him.They took a few minutes standing there.Getting the tears out now before they went and saw the girls.They wanted to be strong for them.But Julie was in a coma.How was he going to deal with that?When they both got themselves mostly under control, they started to follow the nurse to the ICU to see their girls.

 

Hope you're enjoying the story!  Please feel free to leave any thoughts or comments.  Let's talk! 


	73. Chapter 73

Harry and Niall walked to the closed door of the ICU room the girls were in.The nurse opened the door for them, and they walked in.They both stopped just inside the room and gasped.They stood and stared at both girls.There were so many wires, so many tubes, so many machines.They looked at each other and then walked up to the beds.

 

Niall put his hand over Amanda's on the bed."Hi, Princess."He said quietly.Trying to control his tears."I'm so sorry.God, Amanda.I'm so sorry.I just need you to be ok.Please be ok."He squeezed her hand but got no response back from her.He felt the tears drop onto his cheek and tried to wipe them quickly."Amanda, can you hear me?"

 

Harry walked up to Julie's bed.He couldn't believe she was in a coma.He knew it was supposed to be the best for her, but he wanted to see her eyes.He wanted to see her look at him.He wanted to know she was ok.Now he didn't know when or if that would happen.What if the swelling in her brain didn't subside?What if it just got worse?He tried to push those feelings aside when he took her hand in his."Hi, baby."He said.He had to clear his throat.You could clearly hear the tears in his voice."I'm here.I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here."He looked at her bandage on her forehead and a couple on her arm."You were so brave.We saw what you did.How you and Amanda helped those people."

 

"Harry's right, Princess.You guys were so amazing.And I'm so sorry.I'm so sorry for questioning you.For everything.I just want the chance to tell you that."Niall said.When a nurse came in and started checking vitals he questioned her."I thought she was going to be awake."

 

The nurse smiled softly at him."She's been awake.She's healing.She's just coming out of anesthesia too.She will be up and down for a while.Be patient.Her vitals are stable.Best thing you can do is just be here for her."When she finished with Amanda's vitals, she went to check Julie's.

 

"Thank you."Harry said to her."How is she doing?"

 

"Her vitals are stable.She will get another CT scan in the morning to see how her swelling is doing.I know it's a wait and see scenario, but as long as her vitals stay strong and the swelling starts to go down,we should start making pretty good progress."She finished the charts and said her goodbyes.

 

Both Niall and Harry pulled up chairs next to the beds.They weren't going anywhere.Even though Harry knew Julie wouldn't wake up on her own.She needed to be taken out of the medically-induced coma before she would, but he wouldn't leave her.They were staying by the girls' bedsides.No matter what they were supposed to do, or where they were supposed to be.

 

A few hours later, Niall picked his head up off the bed when he swore he felt Amanda's hand move.He stood up and put his hand on her forehead."Princess."He moved her hair off her cheek."Princess, can you hear me?"

 

Amanda could hear Niall.But her eyes felt so heavy.She couldn't open them.She moved her fingers slightly, but everything felt like it weighed a ton.He was here though.He was here.She wanted nothing more than for him to be with her.Now he was here, but she couldn't open her eyes.She struggled for a few moments, but then she got her eyes open.She focused on him, and he eventually became clear to her."Niall."She said softly.

 

"Shhhhh..." Niall said."Don't talk."He kissed her forehead."I'm so glad to see those eyes.Let me get a nurse."He kissed her hand and then opened the door to tell the nurse she was awake.

 

Harry looked back at Niall when he was talking to Amanda.When Niall went to get a nurse, he got up and walked up to Amanda."Hey, so glad to see you awake."He touched her hand, and when she turned her head and looked at Julie, he stood in her way.He wanted to make sure she was ok first before they told her what was going on.When the nurse came in, he pulled the curtain that separated the beds and sat back down by Julie."Hey, Amanda's awake.I just thought you'd like to know that.She needs you to get better.You know she can't do anything without you."He moved a piece of hair from her shoulder."I can't do anything without you.I need you to get better.Please, if you can hear me.Don't leave me."  He pleaded with her.

 

The nurse came in and checked Amanda over.Took her vitals and some blood samples.Amanda knew who she was, but she didn't know her well.She had asked about JJ, but the nurse wouldn't tell her anything.Why did Harry stand in her way, and why wouldn't they tell her anything?She hated 'the doctor will tell you soon' answer.She knew it well.It was never good news.She looked at Niall walking back up to her bed."Hey."She said as he took her hand.

 

"Hey."He held her hand and sat beside the bed again."How do you feel?"

 

"I've been better."She said to him."I'm glad you're here."

 

"I wouldn't be anywhere else.Do you remember what happened?"He asked her gently.

 

"Yes, I remember."Her eyes started filling with tears."I'm so sorry, Niall."

 

"No, don't do that.No need to worry about that."He kissed her hand and put his hand on her head."I love you. There's no need for that.Right now, all that matters is that you're ok.And that you continue to heal.That's all that matters."

 

She nodded gently."JJ?Why won't anyone tell me about JJ?"

 

"Princess, they asked us to wait until a doctor could talk to you.The nurse was going to get one now."Niall said to her gently.

 

"Don't you think I know what that means, Niall?"Amanda said agitated."Let me see her chart."

 

"Amanda, we need to just wait.Please, keep calm."He sat by the bed and held her hand.He didn't want her upset, but he wasn't sure he knew enough details to satisfy Amanda's questions.

 

"No, I want to know now."Amanda said.

 

Dr.Thompson walked into the room as soon as Amanda said that."That's the nurse I know and that we love.Calm down, now."

 

Niall watched the interaction.Amanda obviously knew this doctor.He stood at the end of her bed as the doctor went and sat at the edge of her bed.

 

"Dr. Miller will be in to assess you in a few, but I knew you would have questions about Julie."Dr. Thompson said to her.

 

"Of course, and if you're here talking to me, I already know what to expect."Amanda said."So, how bad is it?"

 

Dr. Thompson nodded."It's hard to have you nurses as patients."He looked at her directly and then stood up and opened the curtain so that he could address Harry too.He walked over to Julie and looked over her stats and her vitals.He turned back to Amanda."We put her in an induced coma.The CT showed pretty dramatic swelling.We caught it late, because you guys delayed treatment by helping others at the scene."He put his hand up when Amanda started to protest."I'm not arguing with what you did.But it's the truth.You guys saved lives even though you were hurt, which is why this hospital is lucky to have you both.I'm not going to lie to you, because you would just see right through it anyway.It's touchy, and this next CT we do could tell us a lot.If the swelling isn't subsiding, we will have to decide what to do."He walked over and looked down at Amanda."But you know as well as anyone, she's a fighter.I would never doubt her."He shook Niall and Harry's hands and then walked out the door.

 

Harry looked down at Amanda.He listened to what the doctor said.He was scared."Will the swelling go down?"

 

Amanda tried to stop the tears, but she couldn't."I don't know, Harry.It could.The fact they had to induce a coma is never a good sign, but it does help.I've seen it help."

 

"But you've seen it not help too, right?"Harry said.When he saw the look in Amanda's eyes, he dropped down into the chair by Julie's bed.

 

"I'm sorry, Harry.But Dr. Thompson is the best we have.If he believes she can fight through it, then I do too."Amanda looked at Niall who came and took her hand again.

 

"I believe it."Niall said."You all know how strong I think she is."He sat down next to Amanda again.He had to believe JJ would be ok.For himself, but for Amanda and for Harry.He knew Amanda would be lost if anything happened to JJ, and he loved her so much.And Harry had become his best friend.He loved all the guys, but they had become so much closer after they started dating the girls.God, he hoped everything turned out ok."I love you, Princess.Get some rest.Please.I will be here when you wake up."He leaned down and kissed her lips lightly.He wanted to do that so badly.He smiled when Amanda closed her eyes and held his hand tighter before she fell asleep.

 

Harry leaned down and kissed Julie's lips lightly."I love you, baby.Amanda's doing pretty well.Now it's up to you.You come back to us.We need you."He held onto her hand and leaned his head against their clasped hands."Please, baby.Fight for yourself, fight for Amanda, and fight for me.Please.I don't want to do any of this without you."He cried himself to sleep.He wished his mom was here.He should have asked her to come.Maybe he would.But he needed to wait until Julie's family got there.He didn't want to over step his bounds.

 

The next morning, the nurses took Julie up for her CT scan.This would tell them if the swelling was dissipating.If the coma was working on letting her brain heal.Harry stood up from the chair in the waiting room when Julie's parents came in.He walked up to them and tried to remain strong.When Julie's mom, Donna, opened her arms to him though, he lost it.He went directly into them and broke down.He was surprised she did that, but he needed it.After a few minutes, he stood up and looked down at her."I'm so sorry."He wiped his eyes and then shook Julie's step-dad's hand.

 

"It's ok, Harry."Donna said taking him back over to sit in the chair."Thank you for being here for her, and thank you for getting us here quicker than we ever could have.The doctors just filled us in."

 

"I just wish we could know something.I just wish she could wake up and tell us that she was going to be ok."He said.He knew she couldn't, but it's all he wanted.

 

"I know.She's gotten through so much.She's a healer.She's strong."She took his hands."And I'm sorry.I'm sorry for doubting you.I'm sorry for causing you any trouble.And I'm sorry for what you've had to go through to get her back.But she's been more the daughter I knew lately than she was the past five years or so.And I think we have you to thank for that."She hugged him again.

 

Harry hugged Donna back tightly.For her to say that meant the world to him."She's held me together lately.But I'm glad she seems more herself.That's all I want."

 

"She will never be the same as she was prior to Johnny.But I wouldn't expect her too.But our relationship has healed as well.I can feel her healing.And if you wouldn't have accepted her, flaws and all, she would have never decided she needed to do this for herself."Donna put her hand back on Harry's."And even though I treated you horribly during Thanksgiving, you still did everything you could to get us here.Without question.I see what she sees in you."She sat back and held Harry's hand.

 

Harry would ask later if it would be ok to bring his mom here.But he felt better now that someone was here with him.It seemed like they were waiting an awful long time for the CT scan to be done.He just wanted to know what to expect.Amanda was doing ok this morning.She had a few set-backs, but things seemed to be stable at present.Her mom had arrived not long ago which was why he had been sitting in the waiting room and not the girls' room.He wanted to give Amanda, Niall, and Amanda's mom some time.He stood up when Dr. Thompson came into the room.He shook his hand and introduced him to Julie's parents."What's going on?"He looked at Julie's mom."Sorry, I shouldn't overstep."He nodded relieved when Donna just smiled at him and put her hand on his arm.

 

"The CT went well."Dr. Thompson started."The test showed a little improvement.We were hoping for more, but it's still early.We're going to have to keep her in the medically-induced coma for at least another 48 hours.We will do another CT scan in the morning."He watched Harry slump down into a chair."I know it's not the news you wanted to hear, but it hasn't gotten worse, and there was some improvement.So, there's still a lot of hope.Just don't give up on her.We have taken her back to her room.You all can go see her when you're ready."He shook everyone's hand again and then walked out.

 

Harry led Julie's parents to her room.He stayed back by Niall while he let them go see her.It was hard on him.They began crying when they saw her.He could only imagine the memories it must have brought back."How's Amanda doing?"

 

"She's doing ok.She has quite a bit of pain, but things seem to be improving.I figured I'd let her mom talk to her a bit, so I'm staying out of the way.How's JJ?"Niall asked. "Amanda's been trying to get answers, but the doctor hasn't come in to talk to her yet."

 

"The swelling has only gone down a little.The doctor said he was hoping for more, but said since it hasn't gotten worse and improved a bit, he still has hope.Wants us to have hope too."Harry said.

 

"I'm sorry."Niall said giving him a hug."At least it's starting improve."

 

"Yeah."Harry said.But not fast enough.How was he going to be able to deal with at least another 48 hours of not knowing if she was going to be ok? 

 

After a while longer, the boys went back up to the beds.Niall spoke to Amanda and her mom telling her what Harry had said.Harry put his hand on Julie's foot and just looked at her.He didn't want to interrupt her parents, but he needed to be there.He needed to touch her.He wanted her to know that he was there.He hoped she did.

 

Two days later, Harry was at home showering and changing before going back to the hospital when he got the call.They were going to try and bring Julie out of the coma.The swelling had subsided well over the past couple of days.It was a relief.He got dressed quickly and headed back to the hospital.When he walked in the room he saw everyone around her bed."What's going on?"He asked.

 

Amanda looked up at him."The doctor just gave her the meds to reverse the coma.It's up to her now."Amanda grabbed his hand.She knew it was a great thing the swelling had decreased substantially in JJ's brain, but it still wasn't over yet.They still didn't know the effects the swelling would have had on her.The question was if she woke up, would there be any damage.

 

Harry looked down at Amanda who was sitting up on her bed."You look a lot better."He kissed her head."I'm so glad you're ok."He ran his hand through his hair.He thought he was waiting for this moment, but now he was so scared.What if she didn't wake up?What if her brain didn't heal properly?There were so many 'what ifs' yet.Everyone stood and stared at Julie for what seemed like hours.There was nothing.She didn't wake up.Her vitals stayed strong, but she didn't move.Harry dropped his head and his tears dripped onto the floor.

 

"Harry."Amanda said."It can take some time.It doesn't always happen right away."She tried to comfort him.And she was right.Sometimes it took some time.But she wanted Julie to wake up quickly too.When she didn't, it was hard on Amanda as well.JJ had pulled her from the wreck right before their car was hit by another vehicle in the mash up.If it hadn't been for JJ, her injuries could have been a lot worse, if not fatal.This was almost too much to handle.

 

Niall looked at Amanda when her vitals started to go up."Hey, Princess.She's going to be ok."He kissed her head."You gotta relax, sweetheart.Come on, she needs you to stay strong too.You know it can take some time."He laid her back on the bed.When the monitors started to beep, he got nervous."Amanda!"Niall said as nurses came in and made him step back.They asked everyone to leave the room.Even Harry and Julie's parents.Niall couldn't believe it.What the hell?He walked to the small waiting room down the hall and sat with Amanda's mom, Sue.He held her hand and watched the floor. They seemed to sit there for hours before anyone came to speak to them.He stood up with Sue when the doctor came in."Dr. Miller.What happened?"

 

"Please, have a seat."He said and gestured towards the chair."Everything's ok.Her vitals are all back to normal.She had an anxiety attack.She's been through a lot.Now she's concerned about Julie.Everything just got to her.She's calmer now.We've given her something to take the edge off.Her vitals are still strong, and she's healing well."He smiled at them and stood."Just let her rest as much as she can."He nodded at everyone and left the room.

 

"Thank god."Niall said putting his head in his hands.He felt Harry's hand on his back.He was so relieved.He felt bad for freaking out though.Harry still hadn't had any kind of confirmation that JJ would even be ok.He couldn't imagine what he was going through.But it seemed like Harry and JJ's mom, Donna, were getting along pretty well.At least there was something good that would come out of this.Now to get JJ to just wake up."Come on. Let's go back to the room."He wanted to get back to Amanda, but he also wanted to make sure they were there when JJ woke up.He was going to stay as positive as he could.He walked up to Amanda and kissed her head.He took her hand while Sue held the hand on the other side of the bed."Hey."He said as she opened her eyes."You just rest.We will let you know if anything changes.I promise."

 

"You wake me, Niall, as soon as she wakes up.Or if there is any other news."Amanda said.Letting tears fill her eyes.

 

"I promise, Princess.I promise."He kissed her lips softly.He meant it.If JJ woke up, he would definitely let her know.She just needed to wake up.

 

Harry walked over to Julie's bed with her parents.When Donna patted the chair next to Julie and smiled, he walked over.He hugged Donna and then sat on the chair and took her hand.

 

"Talk to her, Harry."Donna said to him."Let her know you're here."

 

"Hey baby."He said quietly."I don't know if you can hear me, but we're all here.Me, your parents, Niall, Amanda, and her mom, Sue.All we're doing is waiting for you to wake up now, baby.Please could you just show me those beautiful blue eyes?Please, just let me see those eyes."He started to cry."I'm so sorry.I'm so sorry I was so stubborn.I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you, and I couldn't accept your feelings.I was wrong.I don't care about any of that.Just please, wake up.Please."He sniffled.He watched her, but nothing.There was nothing."God, please, baby. Please just open those eyes."He felt a hand on his back and looked up to see Donna with tears in her eyes.He rested his forehead on their clasped hands.Why wouldn't she just wake up?All he wanted was her to wake up.He needed her to wake up.

 

"Niall."Amanda said crying.

 

"Shh..."Niall said."It's ok.Let's give her some time.We won't give up on her, Amanda.The doctor has high hopes, and I'm going to also.Please, you've always believed in her, even when you questioned some things.Don't give up hope now.Stay calm, baby.Please."

 

Amanda closed her eyes when Niall spoke to her calmly and kissed her lips."Ok, I know.This hospital is great.The doctors are great.I just wish I could help."

 

"You can help by healing for her.For being here and getting better so that you can help her through."He kissed her again."Get some sleep.Please.I promise to wake you as soon as we know anything at all.I would never keep that from you."He held her hand and sat next to her running his hand over her forehead."Sleep, Princess.It will all be ok.”


	74. Chapter 74

Amanda watched Harry over at Julie's bed the next morning.Niall had taken her mom back to the hotel close to the hospital and then was going to stop for food and bring Harry something back.She finally convinced them that they could go and she would be fine.Harry had convinced Julie's parents to go get some sleep at the same hotel as Amanda's mom, so Niall took them also, but Harry wouldn't leave.He hadn't left since they had administered the drugs to reverse the coma.JJ still hadn't woken up.Amanda was starting to get impatient herself, but she felt so bad for Harry.He was lost.He felt guilty for his and JJ fighting before the accident, and he couldn't let it go.Harry's head was resting on his hands which were clasped on JJ's hand.There wasn't often where he wasn't touching part of her.He didn't seem to be able to help himself.He looked like he was asleep.She watched him pick his head up slowly."Hey, Harry."

 

"Hey."He looked back at Amanda and then at Julie's face."I was dreaming she woke up.I was dreaming she opened those eyes and looked at me."He said.

 

"I'm sorry, Harry."Amanda said.He was crying again.Silently.She'd never seen him so emotional.

 

"Why won't she wake up?It's been almost 24 hours.I swear I can't take much more of this."He closed his eyes and placed Julie's hand in front of his lips."I just want her to wake up."

 

"I know, Harry."Amanda watched Niall walk in with food."Hey, Niall brought food. Can you at least eat something?You haven't done much of that, and you aren't going to do her any good if you pass out from starvation."

 

"I'm not going to starve.But yeah, I'll eat something."He walked over to Niall and pulled out the salad and fruit Niall brought for him."God, all I can think of is how she would be making fun of me for not having anything that 'taste's good'."Harry said with a small smile."She would tell me at least put some good bacon on the salad.But yet, she would steal all my fruit."

 

Amanda laughed."Yeah, that's her alright."She watched Harry take his food and water over and sit in the chair next to JJ again."Remember the night you two met?Smartass remark before she even laid eyes on you.I miss that.As much as I've been complaining the past two days, she would have told me to quit acting like a baby and suck it up."

 

"She sure doesn't mince words when she's got something to say, huh?"Niall said."But when she doesn't, I've never seen someone so quiet."

 

Harry picked up his fork and looked at it."Remember Florida?And the forks?"He thought back to that day.The first day he realized she had deeper feelings for him then she let on.The first time she'd shown any jealousy.The aftermath of that confrontation, and then when he searched her eyes after, he had found that little bit of hope he needed from her.He'd never told her that's what he was doing when he searched her eyes.But he saw it, even if just for a second."She's a bit scary when she feels threatened."He sort of chuckled.He looked down at Julie."You remember that, baby?And threatening me with a fork at mum's."

 

Amanda laughed."And Paris.We were forking each other at dinner in Paris."

 

Niall laughed."Yeah, and the glasses.I don't think I ever was so shocked when she threw a glass at you in Paris and tried to throw another before I grabbed her.She caught me completely off guard, yet it was SO funny."

 

"Yeah, she's scary."Amanda said."And the first time she slipped and said 'I love you', to Harry."Amanda couldn't help but smile at that thought."I swore she dropped her phone so fast, like her hand was on fire."

 

"Yeah, and that was one of the best days of my life."Harry said."Even though I may not have known it at the time."

 

"Oh, but that was also the scene in the club."Niall said looking at Amanda."The one we don't really discuss."

 

Amanda blushed."Yeah, ok, so we, had a bit too much to drink and showed our feelings in a little bit of an unconventional way."Amanda shook her head."But it's cool. I don't regret it."She giggled.

 

"You've spent way too much time with Julie."Harry said."Her way with excuses and explanations is wearing off on you.I won't forget Tahoe.The ski trip, before, during and after.From the pink stay puff marshmallow man, to the pastries and her hips.To the complete honesty she decided to share on that trip."He wiped a tear from his cheek."Baby, you opened up so much on that trip.I am still so proud of you for that."He tried to eat some more, but it was just so hard.Memories were great, except when it seemed that's all you were going to get.

 

"I remember her reaction to you when she saw you for the first time in Tahoe."Amanda reminisced."I'd never seen her look so relieved and react so naturally."

 

"Yeah," Harry smiled."I never expected that from her, and it felt really good.Or her reaction to the safari day in South Africa.I don't think I'd seen her so relaxed and so free."He remembered her and their interactions in detail.From her accepting his break down to allowing him to take control of her the full night.To fighting back when he started to become way too mean.To bringing him down from his angry interaction with Louis and Liam.He didn't know what he would do without her now.He just wanted her to be ok.

 

"Yeah, you got the same reaction there."Niall chimed in."She jumped right into your arms again.She's a hard shell, but her insides are pretty soft."

 

"Oh god," Amanda laughed."Don't ever let her hear you say that."

 

"What?"Niall laughed."I'd just get an 'I hate you'.I kind of miss those."He said quietly.He was staying strong for Amanda and Harry.He knew they were having a harder time with JJ not waking up, but he was struggling too.He was telling everyone to be patient.He heard the doctors and nurses and even Amanda say it takes time.The drugs could take some time to get out of her system, and her brain still was healing.But, it seemed to be taking a long time.The doctors had warned them that she could have some brain damage, and they wouldn't be able to tell until she woke up.And there was still a small possibility she wouldn't wake up.It was just so frustrating.

 

"Yeah, I kind of miss those too."Amanda said."Right now, she would just tell us to shut up and stop going on about her."

 

"Yeah, I wish she would wake up and yell at me, give me attitude.Lecture me, something." Harry set his salad aside."I'm sorry. I just can't eat anymore."He looked at her.He couldn't stop the tears anymore."Baby, you just need to wake up.Please, just wake up.Open your eyes."

 

"I understand, Harry."Amanda said sadly.She started to cry when he did.Hearing the pain in his voice when he pleaded with her to wake up.It was fun to reminisce, but they just wanted JJ to wake up.They were all quiet for a bit.Amanda couldn't eat much, and she noticed even Niall wasn't able to eat much either.It had been almost 24 hours.JJ should have woken up by now.

 

Harry stood up. He needed to get away for a minute.He needed to gather himself.He found himself wanting to scream at her to wake up.He couldn't do that.But god he wanted to.He held her hand and kissed her forehead."I'm going to take a walk, baby.I will be back soon.I love you."He went to walk away and tried to drop her hand and spun back towards her quickly.

 

"Harry?"Amanda asked sitting up.He had spun around so fast her heart started beating faster.

Harry looked at Julie's face."She held my hand.I swear she didn't let it go when I tried to walk away."He touched her forehead."Baby, can you hear me?If you can hear me, squeeze my fingers.Come on, baby.You can do this."

 

Amanda sat up on the edge of the bed.She asked Niall to put her in her wheel chair."Is she squeezing your hand?"

 

"No, not yet."Harry said.He leaned down and kissed her forehead and whispered."Julie, baby.Move your fingers for me, please."He swore she'd held his hand.He hadn't imagined it.He wasn't dreaming.Was he?No, she did it.She had to.But she wasn't now.There was nothing.He got his hopes up, but she wasn't moving at all. He must have been dreaming."I'm sorry.I must have been wrong."He sat back down in the chair.Disappointed.Defeated.

 

"It's ok, Harry.We all want her to wake up."Amanda said.

 

Harry laid his head back on their hands when he held hers in both of his again.He lifted his head quickly when he felt her fingers move.He jumped up."Her fingers moved."He looked at her face."Baby?Julie?"He looked at her hand in his and then back to her face.She didn't open them, but he could see them moving back and forth behind her eyelids."Baby, if you can hear me.Please just move your fingers.Just a little.Please."He watched her hand.Her finger picked up and rested back on his palm.He watched her do it three times."Amanda!She's moving."

 

Amanda got situated in her wheelchair."Did she open her eyes yet?"She had Niall push her over to the other side of Julie's bed.Just then Julie's parents came back in with Amanda's mom.Amanda looked at them."She held Harry's hand and moved her fingers."

 

"Not yet."Harry said.He pushed hair off her forehead."Baby, open those eyes.Let me see those baby blues I love so much."He watched her intently."Come on baby, you know you can do this."He watched her and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.He smiled when she finally opened her eyes."Hi."He said when her eyes met his.She struggled to keep them open for a minute, but then they stayed open and found his."There are those beautiful blue eyes."He sank down into the chair.For a different reason, this time.He was SO relieved she'd woken up.She looked really confused."Hey, don't worry.We'll explain.Just relax for a few minutes until a doctor comes in."He watched her look from him to her parents and around the room to everyone.She seemed lost.Scared.

 

"Hey," Amanda said taking JJ's other hand.She glanced up at the monitors and noticed that her vitals jumped a little."It's ok."She knew sometimes when people woke up from comas, especially with head injuries, there was a bit of confusion.She knew she wasn't working, but she had to do something."Niall, can you hand me her chart?"When Niall said no, wait for a doctor, she insisted."Please, just let me look."

 

"No, Amanda, you're not working."Dr. Thompson said walking into the room.He walked up to Julie's bed."Hey, there you are."He looked down at her."How about we get you checked out and see how that brain of yours is doing."He picked up the chart and checked her numbers."Alright, we have a date with a CT machine."He asked everyone if they would give them a few minutes."Go ahead and take Amanda down to the waiting room with you."He gave Amanda a look she would recognize.

 

"Alright, let's let them do their thing."Amanda said."We will go wait in the waiting room until they bring her back to the room."She gestured for Niall to push her to the waiting room.

 

Once they got to the waiting room, Harry looked at Amanda."Ok, what was that look between you and Dr. Thompson?"

 

"You saw that, huh?"Amanda sighed."He's afraid of memory issues.Honestly, that's what I was afraid of too.Where her swelling was."

 

"So, she was looking at us like she didn't know us?That's what that was?"Harry asked.

 

"Maybe, Harry."Amanda said."She did just wake up from a few days of a coma.It could have just been waking up for the first time."

 

Harry sat down and rubbed his face.When will this end?"God, can we just know already?"

 

After about an hour, Dr. Thompson came into the waiting room to meet with them.He motioned for them to stay sitting."She's back in her room.The testing went well, and the swelling has decreased signifcantly.I'm very happy with the progress.She's a bit confused.She doesn't seem to recall everything that's happened.But, it can take some time.I'm very happy with her progress.Be patient.Give her some time.But I think the worst part is over.I think we've gotten through the worst.She amazes me."He looked at Amanda."You both amaze me."He shook Harry's hand and Julie's parents' hands."You guys can go see her whenever you're ready.Just be patient."He walked out to go see his other patients.

 

They all made their way back to the room.Harry and Julie's parents went up to the bed next to her.She had her eyes closed.She had fewer tubes and wires attached to her.She was propped up some on the bed.Harry walked up and took her hand while her parents went to the other side of the bed.He wasn't sure if she was asleep.He didn't want to wake her.Seemed silly since she was asleep for three days straight.When she slowly opened her eyes and looked at him, he smiled."Hi, baby.I don't think I've ever been happier to see those blue eyes."When she just stared at him, he didn't know what to do.He watched her eyes go over to her mom.She seemed to have more understanding in her eyes when she looked at her mom.He didn't really hear what Donna was saying to Julie. He was trying to figure out if she even recognized him.Harry didn't realize Julie hadn't spoken to her mom either.When he went to stand up to leave, he felt her hand hold tighter to his.He looked at her, and her eyes darted back to him.She shook her head no.He sat back down."I won't go anywhere."

 

Julie looked from Harry to her mom.Everything was so confusing.She could hear everything around her.She could comprehend most of it, but she felt like she was in a fog, and she couldn't seem to form any thoughts into words.She couldn't find her way through the fog.She didn't know what was going on.But she was tired.So tired.Which she didn't understand because she had been asleep for three days according to her doctors.When Harry told her to sleep though, she didn't seem to be able to fight it anymore.She closed her eyes and drifted off quickly.

 

A few hours later, Harry saw Julie open her eyes.He was the only one in the room with Julie and Amanda.Everyone else had gone to eat in the cafeteria.He didn't want to leave her.He was somehow afraid he would miss her waking up."Hi."He moved a piece of hair that seemed to attach itself to her lip."Good to see those eyes again."He smiled when this time she smiled slightly at him."How do you feel?"

 

Julie looked at him for a moment.She swallowed hard and then smiled again the best she could."Like I've been hit by a truck."She said slowly.

 

"Not funny."Harry said, but he couldn't help but laugh.He was glad to hear her speak, and he was glad that she was still her smart-ass self.

 

"Too soon?"She asked.

 

"Way too soon."He said to her.He reached up and kissed her lips."I've missed you and your smart mouth so much."

 

Julie picked her other hand up and rubbed over her face a little."Yeah, I'm not feeling that great."

 

"Because you've been hit by a truck."Amanda said sitting on the edge of her bed.

 

Harry groaned."Will you two cut that shit out?"

 

Amanda laughed."Sorry, Harry.You look like shit, JJ."

 

"You don't look like a million dollars either, friend."Julie said to Amanda.

 

"It is good to see you awake.You gave us quite a scare.You had Dr. Thompson all over you for three days."Amanda said.

 

"Well, someone needs to keep him on his game."Julie said."Harry, can you get me some water, please?"

 

"Of course, baby."He got up and kissed her forehead."I'm going to get you a bottle, and I'm going to tell your parents you're awake."He kissed her lips quickly. "I'm so glad you're awake.You have no idea."He smiled and walked out of the room.

 

Once he left of the room, he leaned his back against the wall and took a deep breath.He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, tears escaping at the corners.He didn't want her to see him in tears.He didn't want her to see him worked up.But he was relieved.His heart was relieved.He sniffled after a few moments and wiped his eyes.He was overwhelmed.He had been so scared he was going to lose her.While he walked to the cafeteria he decided to call his mum."Mum!She's awake.She's awake, and she's talking to me."Ok, tear-free didn't last long.As soon as he heard the relief and happiness in his mum's voice and her kind encouraging words, he started crying again."I'm so relieved.Mum, you have no idea how much weight has been lifted.Oh god, I don't know what I would have done."He spoke to his mum for a few more minutes and promised he'd call again soon with an update.He walked into the cafeteria and found everyone talking over dinner."Hey, she's awake.And she's talking."

 

Niall smiled."That's great, man!"He stood up and hugged Harry.Harry looked relieved.He looked really relieved."I can imagine how good that feels."

 

"Yeah, it feels great!"He said.He hugged Julie's parents, and he couldn't stop smiling.They were walking back towards the room after he grabbed Julie a water."The best part.When I asked her how she felt, she said 'like I've been hit by a truck'."He smiled and shook his head.It was so her to say something like that.

 

Donna laughed."Yeah, that sounds like my daughter.Least we know she's still herself."

 

"Yeah, I didn't realize how good it would be to hear her be a smart ass.But leave it to her to start as soon as she comes out of a coma."Harry couldn't stop smiling.As soon as she came out of a coma.She was awake.It had been the worst three days of his life.The hardest.The most stressful.But now, it was over.She was awake, she was talking, she recognized him, and she was being her typical smart-ass self.He was never happier to hear her sassy.

 

After a couple of hours of everyone talking, Julie was getting tired."Harry, you should go home.Get some sleep.Relax for a bit.While you were at the cafeteria, Amanda said you only went home once while I've been in here."

 

"I'm not going anywhere."Harry said."I just got you back.Why would I leave?"

 

"Because you need to.You need to rest.You need to get some real sleep.I'm really tired.I'm just going to sleep.There's no reason for you not to go get some real rest.I can see it in your face.You're wiped."She said to him quietly.

 

"Yes, I'm tired.It's been a long three days.But you're ok.And I'm relieved.And I don't want to go.I thought our fight was the last thing you were going to remember.I thought it's the last thing I would remember.That kills me."He admitted.

 

"Harry."Julie said reaching for his hand."None of that matters.We'll talk more about it some other time.But none of it matters."

 

"I know it doesn't.I love you.I love everything about you.I respect you, and your feelings."He said to her.

 

"I know that, Harry.It was an argument.In a crazy situation."Julie looked into his eyes."We can talk about it more later.I'm just so tired."

 

She still hadn't said she loved him, Harry thought.Why wouldn't she?"Ok, I don't really want to leave, but I will if it makes you feel better."He leaned down and kissed her."I will be back first thing in the morning."He turned to let her mom and dad say goodbye, they were going back to the hotel to get some needed sleep also.

 

"Harry," Julie said.When he turned around, she reached her hand out for him again.When he took it, she looked up at him and said, "Sleep well.Hurry back.I love you."

 

He smiled, once again relieved."God, I love you too."He leaned down and kissed her one more time."I will be back first thing.You just get some sleep.Please."After their goodbyes, he took her parents back to the hotel and then went home.He went into his room and fell on the bed.She was alive.She was ok.She'd barely struggled with communication; they were warned she might. He kissed his cross and put his arm over his eyes.He cried, but happy, relieved tears until he fell asleep, still fully dressed.

 

Hope you're enjoying the story!Please feel free to leave any thoughts or comments.Let's talk! 


	75. Chapter 75

About two weeks later, Harry was getting ready to leave the studio.He had gone to his writing session early in the morning so that he could meet Niall and go pick up the girls from the hospital and take them home early that afternoon.He was so excited and so relieved.Amanda was still in a cast with her broken arm.Would probably be in that for at least six weeks.Julie was lucky with bones.The only thing broken was a toe on her foot.It barely bothered her.Stitches were out for the wounds both girls had, and the bruises were starting to subside.Julie had a few memory issues, but nothing that really affected her.Sometimes she struggled to get all of her thoughts out, but things were improving.Harry had been worried for the first week after she woke up.Things would come and go, and the worst part was her frustration with it.When she knew what she wanted to say but couldn't, she would get upset.You could tell she would get lost in thought, and she wasn't her typical sassy self a lot.She forced it every now and again for their sake, but she was struggling with the accident.He hoped getting her home would do her some good.

 

Niall walked into the studio.He came from a writing session of his own."Hey, Harry, you ready to go?"

 

"Yeah, I'm all set."He shook everyone's hands he was working with and walked out with Niall."I have been waiting for this day."

 

"Yeah, me too.It's going to be so nice to see them at home and out of that hospital."Niall said as he got in the car.Paul was driving them so that they could both be with the girls when they got out."Guess we're going to be spending a lot of time together in a small apartment since neither girl will stay where the other isn't.At least it isn't because of us this time."

 

"Yeah," Harry agreed getting in."Have you gotten Amanda to open up to you about how she's feeling?About what happened before the accident or the accident itself?"

 

"No.Not really."Niall said."She doesn't want to talk about the accident.We've briefly discussed the before, but she doesn't really want to do that either."

 

"Yeah, you know Julie.She's compartmentalized already.I'm waiting for it to all come crashing back together."Harry said leaning back against the seat."I know it will, but I'm trying to be patient.I can't imagine what they are going through being in the middle of that crash.I'm wondering if it's a good thing her memory issues are causing her to piece it back together slowly or if it would have been better if she just realized the magnitude of it all at once.I'm just glad we get to be here."

 

A little bit later, they both walked into the room the girls had been staying in.Both were sitting on their beds dressed.It was the first time they'd seen them in anything other than hospital gowns for a while.

 

"Hey, Princess."Niall said as he walked up to Amanda."You look like you're ready to go."

 

"Yeah, I am.It will be good to get home."She stood up and kissed him."Feels good to get up when I want to."

 

Harry sat on the bed next to Julie."You ready to go?"He put his arm around her.He kissed her head when she laid it on his shoulder.

 

"Yeah, I will be glad to be out of here.Sleep in my own bed."She said quietly.

 

"Yeah, I can't wait to have you back in bed with me."He said taking her hand and standing up with her.

 

"You don't have to stay with me all the time."She said picking up her bag.

 

"You will not push me away.I know you're struggling.We will do it together."He took her bag from her."I know you, remember."He kissed her head and took her hand back.

 

"Yeah, I know."She said as she got into the wheelchair to take her out of the hospital.She was struggling.Struggling with the full memory of the accident.About everything that happened in it.The loss and the insanity.She was having nightmares about things other than Johnny.The total memory of the accident came back slowly, and maybe that was a good thing.Then again maybe it wasn't; because every time she remembered something new, it seemed like it was happening all over again.She was struggling with talking about it.She was pulling back from everyone.But everyone knew it.And somehow, they understood.Her parents had just returned home.She was ready to go home.Hopefully things would start to make sense to her again.Hopefully getting away from the hospital would help.

 

Amanda watched them roll JJ next to her and took JJ's hand."Home, friend.I'm so glad."

 

"We've been with each other almost every minute."Julie said to Amanda.

 

"I know. I'm looking forward to being able to shut you out of my room."Amanda said as she let go of JJ's hand.

 

"I knew it."Julie said.She and Amanda had had many conversations over the past two weeks.The accident had been hard on both of them.Even though they were praised by everyone for what they did to help people, they both wish they could have done more.It was hard to know they couldn't save everyone.At least they had each other to get through it.

 

Amanda was struggling just as much as JJ with all of this.It really had an impact on her also.They wanted to help, they wanted to save everyone, and even though she knew they had done the best they could, it never made it any easier.No matter how many times they were told their actions helped save lives, they had to remember the ones they couldn't help.It was hard.Once again, they had each other, and she was glad.No one else could understand.

 

A few hours later, Harry walked into Julie's room.She was sitting on the edge of her bed taking the ponytail out of her hair, and he kneeled down in front of her and buried his head in her chest.He loved seeing her free.Out of the hospital.He missed her touch and her body.He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly.

 

Julie leaned her head down on Harry's."Hey, I'm ok."

 

"I know.I've just missed you."He kissed her as he stood up and pulled her back onto the bed with him.He wrapped her back in his arms as she laid her head on his chest."Things have been hard since even before the accident.We probably need to talk about it."

 

"Yeah, I know we do.But honestly, it doesn't even matter.What we were fighting about isn't important.It's easy to get caught up in things like that when you don't have any perspective.I know that.I was set on the fact that you didn't care what I thought, and you were set on the fact that I didn't understand you.But I did.I understood.I would have thought the same thing as you.I just also thought of a bigger picture than that.And I know you care about my feelings. We just couldn't seem to get that across in the moment.But I love you, and when it came time to make any important decision like that, I know we could come together and do it.And I know that we could listen to each other when we really needed to."She said to him.She picked up her head and looked at him."I know when it comes to protecting Panda I can be quite stubborn.I can become unreasonable and set in my ways."

 

Harry laughed."Oh, well, stubborn is sort of your thing.I get you want to protect Amanda.I get that you have your own thoughts and the way you do things.I should have never thought I was right, and I should have listened.Seeing you in that hospital.Seeing that accident and seeing you rescue those people before worrying about yourself were eye openers.Seeing you lying in that bed and not knowing if you were going to wake up.I realized that none of it mattered.If I would have lost you then there wouldn't be anymore, anything.Even fighting with you sometimes is better than never being able to speak to you again."

 

"I know, Harry.I didn't do the things I did knowing that it would cause me problems.I barely felt the pain right away.Everything was so fast.People were screaming and hurting.Cars were on fire or smoking.The sound of people unable to get out of their cars and the crunching of all the metal every time another car crashed was terrifying.But I had to help.I had to help save them.I couldn't see so many people hurt."Julie said as tears started running down her cheeks.

 

Harry held her tighter.It was the first time she'd opened up about the accident like that.She hadn't wanted to talk about it, and he understood.He didn't know what she was going through, but he knew it had to be hard on her.He looked up when there was a knock at the door.He watched it open slowly, and Amanda and Niall were standing there.

 

"Hey, can we come in?"Amanda asked.

 

"Yes, of course."Julie said wiping her eyes.

 

"Sorry, just having a hard time being separated right now."Amanda said walking over to them. "I know our beds aren't all that big, and it will be hard, but..."

 

"Come on in."Harry said moving over to the edge of the bed with Julie.He motioned for Amanda and Niall to climb in the bed.It had been awhile since they were all cuddled together.He figured the girls needed it.

 

Julie wrapped her arm around Amanda and laid her head on Amanda's head."How's your arm?"

 

"It's ok.I can't believe I have to be in this cast another six weeks though.How's your head?"Amanda asked JJ.

 

"Scrambled, but that's normal."Julie said.

 

"Here we go."Niall said wrapping his arm around Amanda."I've sort of missed this.I have to admit."

 

"Yeah, me too.Weird as that sounds to have extra people in bed with me."Harry laughed.

 

"Yeah, well.Deal with it."Julie said to Harry.She held Amanda's hand and closed her eyes.

 

"What she said."Amanda said."And be quiet.It's time to sleep."

 

"I have no idea why I'm so tired.I feel like all I've done is sleep."Julie said.

 

"Well, you deserve to sleep.You've gone through a lot.Both of you."Harry said."Get some sleep.We're just going to lay here and hold you.It's all I've wanted to do for over two weeks."

 

"Well shut up then so we can sleep."Julie said to him.

 

"Oh, it's so good to have you back."Niall said.He laughed when Amanda kicked his leg."Right, shut up.Got it."

 

Julie woke up and looked at the clock.She had been asleep for a couple of hours.She looked around and neither Harry nor Niall were in bed with them.She sat up to look around her room.She saw Amanda open her eyes."Sorry to wake you, but we've been left."

 

Amanda laughed."Guess we just sleep too much for our boys now."

 

"Guess so."Julie said laying back down."How are you really?"

 

"I'm ok.I mean, it's hard to think about what happened.You saved my life you know."Amanda said to her.

 

"No, Panda.I just did what I needed to.You would have done the same for me.I'm sorry it broke your arm so bad."Julie said to her.

 

"Please, it broke my arm because I was pinned in the car, and you somehow got me out."Amanda almost started crying."I don't know how you did it."

 

"I just did; there was no other choice.There was no way I was leaving you in whatever was left of the car.Panda, you would have done the same thing for me.You just happened to be driving that day.If I had been, it would have been the other way around.You would have done it too."Julie said matter-of-factly.

 

"But that doesn't change the fact that it wasn't."Amanda said taking a deep breath.

 

"Listen, it's been hard on us both.We deal with life and death everyday, but something about that just was completely different.We go to work every night knowing there's a possibility we could lose a patient or that we just can't help or save everyone.And we come home disappointed every time we can't.This was just so much bigger.There was so much destruction and so many people to help and we couldn't.You had a compound fracture in your arm, Panda, and you still helped."Julie said sitting up.

 

"And you were bleeding from your head and hit your head so hard that you ended up in a coma, and you still helped.Did you know that you were hurt that badly?"Amanda asked."I mean I couldn't ignore my arm; it was obvious, but I just used my other the best I could."

 

"No, I didn't.I didn't even really feel the pain at first.I didn't think about any of it until the paramedics and the fire department and the police were there and took over.Then when I went towards the ambulance they were putting you in, it just hit me.My legs became like jelly, and I couldn't stand and then I saw all the blood on my hands."Julie said standing up."Let's go find our boyfriends.I just don't want to talk about this anymore right now.A little at a time, ok?"

 

"Yeah, ok.I get it.It was a lot."Amanda said standing up and wrapping her arm with Julie's.They walked out together to the front room."Niall?Harry?"She called out. "Now where could they be?"

 

"I have no idea."Julie said.She walked over to the table and looked through the mail piled on it.They sat and went through it while they waited.Awhile later, the door opened and Niall and Harry walked in."Well, nice of you to come back.Where did you go?"

 

"Well hello to you too, love."Harry said walking over and setting a bag down on the table."We went for dinner since the two of you were sleeping and weren't going to cook for us."

 

Julie rolled her eyes."Right, sorry, I forgot.I got out of the hospital today.Cooking should have been first thing on my mind.Such a horrible girlfriend I am."

 

"At least you admit it."Harry said."Now, shut up and enjoy your dinner.I got your favorite from the Chinese place across town."

 

"See, you can show me how to be a good partner.I have so much to learn."Julie said opening an envelope.She was waiting for this.She smiled as she pulled out the papers and pictures.

 

"Hey, what's making you smile like that?Only I'm supposed to make you smile like that."Harry said walking over to her.

 

"Well, sorry, but I've been waiting for this."She said looking up at him."But I suppose it is partly because of you."She showed him the pictures and paperwork."These are the pictures of the baby elephant you adopted for me.And the paperwork showing her now legal name.Meet Harrietta.The most perfect baby elephant in the world."

 

"Harrietta?"Harry said looking up at her."You named her after me?"

 

"Of course, I did.I wouldn't have her if it wasn't for you.And look on the paperwork.She has adoptive parents.Not just parent."She pointed to the place where it had the names of the adopters.

 

"You added me on there also?"He pulled her to him by putting one arm around her waist.He kissed her lips."You never cease to amaze me."He looked back at the paperwork.Maybe it was a silly thing to everyone else.But it just seemed to him something that they would always share.He'd done this for her.He'd started the adoption process for her.But she made sure it was about the both of them."I love you so much.And I love our Harrietta too."He kissed her again.

 

"Ok, ok, ok."Julie said."It's not that big of a deal."She wrapped her arms around his waist."But I love the attention."

 

"Well, I'm glad you do."He looked at the papers and pictures one more time and then stored them safely back in the envelope."Let's eat, yeah?"

 

"Yeah," Niall interrupted."Enough of that sweet stuff. You're making me look bad."

 

"Niall, shut up."Amanda said."Just make me a plate to eat, and I will forgive you for not adopting me a baby elephant."She laughed at the look on his face."Come on. I've eaten mainly hospital food for weeks.Just give me food."

 

"Ok," Niall laughed at her."Calm down, Princess."He grabbed her container of food and handed it to her with a fork."It's so good to have you two home, and listen to your mouths."

 

"You wouldn't have it any other way, Niall."Julie said.They needed normalcy.They needed to go back to living.They needed to be together as a foursome right now.They needed their boyfriends, and they needed each other.Mostly they needed a way to get through the memory of the accident.The hospital stay and the pain.She watched everyone interacting.The jokes, the teasing, the throwing of the food. She couldn't help but smile.This is how it should be.This is what she never knew she needed.Her life had been complicated.But this seemed right.This was what she should have wanted all along.

 

"Hey," Harry said looking over at Julie.She was smiling and watching everyone, but she wasn't saying anything."Are you ok?"

 

"Yeah, I'm good."She looked at him."I'm just glad to have us all here.And us all together.I'm happy to have us as a team.It's so much easier to deal with all of this with everyone here."

 

"Well, I'm glad to hear that.I know you've had a hard time sorting through all of this.I've felt you pull away.But somehow, you managed to fight that urge."He said kissing her lips."Sorry, I know I've been doing that a lot, but you really have no idea what I went through.Thinking I lost you."

 

"I know. I felt like I needed time to sort through it all.I felt I needed to do it alone, but I don't.I know you thought you lost me.And I know fighting before it happened didn't help that.But know that I love you, and I didn't mean for any of it to happen that way."She leaned over and kissed him."And as far as the kisses.You don't have to apologize.I sort of love your lips too."

 

"Well, hot damn."He said smiling into her eyes."I will be here through whatever you need.As long as you're ok, we can work through everything else.Just keep letting me be there for you."

 

"Just eat your dinner, Cassanova."Julie said joking with him."We have plenty of time later to talk sweet nothings."

 

Harry laughed."We do.We have plenty of time."He started eating his dinner again.Thank goodness, they had plenty of time.At one point, he had been convinced that he was going to lose her.Now, they had time.She was ok.Her tests showed normal brain activity.She was sassy and sarcastic.She was strong and determined.He loved her, and he gained a lot of perspective through all of this.It would always be work, to be in such a serious relationship.But as long as they really listened to each other, they could get through even the worst of times.


	76. Chapter 76

Harry walked into the girl's apartment late a couple nights later.Niall had left the studio earlier than he had.It was dark and quiet.He assumed Niall and Amanda were off in her room and Julie was probably sleeping.He opened the door quietly and saw the bedside lamp on.Harry smiled when he saw her sitting with her notebook on her knees writing.She had headphones in and was lost in her own little world.He climbed on the end of her bed and slowly climbed up to her.She jumped a little when she felt him, but then she smiled.

 

"Hey," Julie said taking out her ear buds."Long night, huh?

 

"Yeah, there was a song I wanted to finish up."He leaned over her and kissed her and then settled next to her."Niall and Amanda here?"

 

"They were, but I think they went to the beach or something.Told Amanda I would kick her ass if she got sand in her cast."She said putting her notebook aside.

 

"Of course you would."He laughed."How come you didn't go?They didn't invite you?How rude."

 

"Of course they did.I didn't want to.I could finally get some time alone.And I haven't gotten to write since South Africa, or Dubai or whereever it was that we were."She laid her head on his chest.

 

"You mean when you finally gave me a sneak peek at what you do on those pages?"He wrapped her tightly in his arms.

 

"Yes, then."She sat up and looked at him."I know you want more.And maybe you will get more.Just be patient.I know it's not your best virtue, but give it a try once."

 

"Not my best virtue."He sat up and leaned over her pushing her back on the bed."Look who's talking."He started tickling her.

 

"Stop!"She said squirming."I hate being tickled.Ahhh...Stop!! Harry!"She couldn't help but laugh and try to get away from him.He was now straddling her hips though.God, she was so ticklish."Harry!Stop it!!"She kept pushing at his hands.

 

He'd missed that laugh.He'd missed her attitude.He'dmissed everything.He couldn't stop smiling.And she was wiggling underneath him.He couldn't say that wasn't doing something to him.He couldn't help but continue to tickle her waist.She had lost some more weight.Her waist was smaller in his hands.He had to remember to get her to eat some more of her tasty food as she called it.

 

"That's it!"She said as she moved around to get out of his grasp and his tickling.She sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.She shoved her tongue into his mouth,and he groaned he was so caught off guard.She felt his arms wrap around her waist and pull her tighter to him.She pulled back and grinned at him in triumph."Works every time."She said.

 

He chuckled."Well, yeah.Of course, it would.But now you've started it, so don't complain when I finish it."

 

"No, no, no."She said pushing his hands away."I was just trying to stop you from tickling me.Don't think you're going to get anything else out of it.Maybe I have taken a new lease on life.Maybe I have decided to become a born-again virgin.Maybe the next person I sleep with has to make an honest woman out of me first."She teased getting off the bed and backing away from him towards the door.

 

"Oh, you and your games.You always lose.I don't know why you insist on playing them."He said getting up slowly and walking towards her.

 

"Who's playing a game?"She said still backing up.She put her hand on the door frame and then stepped out of it."Maybe I'm serious as a heart attack.Maybe I gained a whole new perspective on life when I wasn't sure I was going to ever wake up."

 

"Don't talk about that.And I swear...you're only going to make it worse for yourself."He said licking his lips and not taking his eyes from her."The more you tease.The worse it's going to get."

 

"For who?For you?Yes, that's a possibility.I'm telling you, Harry.No touching."She said making her way to the front room.She went around the couch and stood on the opposite side of it from him.

 

"Oh, there will be plenty of touching.I can guarantee it."He said, but when he went one way around the couch she went the other."I swear. You'd better cut it out."

 

"That's what you keep saying.But you're not listening to me.I thought you were going to work on your listening skills."She said stepping the other way when he moved towards the other side.When he jumped over the couch, she went to the other side of the table.

 

"Oh, I hear you just fine.I'm listening.But I don't buy a word you're saying."He walked around the other way.He was enjoying this little cat and mouse game.

 

"Well, that's just plain rude.And I won't stand for that in my home."She said as she slowly made her way around so that she was backing towards their door to leave the apartment."Maybe you should just go and leave me to my delusions then."

 

"Oh, there is no chance of that."He walked towards her and she slipped out of his reach again."You're really working me up here."He said reaching for her again.

 

"Well, no one's trying to work you up.Slow down there.I'm trying to get you to stop thinking those sinful things about me."She said side stepping him again.

 

"Have you seen yourself?There's no way I'm going to be able to stop.I will repent later.Come here, now."He said.

 

She pushed his hands away and made sure she didn't back herself against the wall."That's not how this is supposed to work."She had to stop herself from laughing.The look in his eyes was a mix between humor and lust.

 

"Oh, there is no way I won't be forgiven.I mean, seriously.One look at you and they would understand, no matter who I repented to."He smiled when she didn't back herself against the wall.She was learning.She was also driving him mad.

 

"I'm an Angel.Stop trying to tarnish my image."She said backing towards her room.

 

"Yeah, you're my Angel, but maybe not so much between the sheets.There you're my sin.My devil."He stepped towards her again."And trust me, it's a sin I don't mind committing."

 

"See, this is not how this should be going.You should be supporting me in my new-found innocence.You should be washing me with holy water to wash away my sins."She stepped around the end table.

 

"There is nothing about you that needs to be cleansed."He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him."You're perfect to me just the way you are."

 

"Damn it.I wasn't done yet.You always ruin my fun.You're so pushy."She said putting her hands on his chest.

 

He kissed her nose."How are you feeling?"

 

"I'm ok.Stop worrying so much."She said laying her head against his chest.

 

"I can't.Are you kidding?Baby, I'm going to be asking you that pretty much every hour forever now."He laughed and kissed her head.He put his hands around her waist and picked her up so her legs wrapped around his waist."Mainly I just wanted to make sure you were ready for what you were about to get though."He laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and shook her head."Yep, truth."He started walking to her room.

 

"I swear, you just never listen."She said holding on and then kissing the side of his neck.

 

"See, devil.You know exactly what you're doing."He said pushing her bedroom door open further with his foot.

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about."She kissed the other side of his neck.

 

"Of course, you don't."He stood at her bed and looked at her."Are you sure you're up for me?'Cause you know how this is going to go."

 

"The question is, sweet boyfriend, are you UP for me?"She raised her eyebrows at him.

 

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm always up for you.Even at the most inconvenient times."Harry laid her back on the bed.He pulled his shirt off quickly and threw it aside."And I mean the most inconvenient."He put his hands on both sides of her head, straightened his arms, and looked down at her."But seems pretty convenient now."

 

She playfully crossed her heart."Forgive me father, for I am about to sin...."She laughed even though he crushed his lips to hers and kissed her deeply.

 

"Shut up.Even though you are the prettiest devil I have ever seen."He ran his hand up her shirt."You're sure you're good?"He wanted her badly.But he also wanted to make sure she was ok.

 

"Yes, H.I'm perfectly fine.Just don't knock me on the head caveman style and drag me by my hair, and we should be good.But you're ruining the moment ya know."She said pulling his hair.

 

Harry laughed."Damn it.Those were my plans.Shoot 'em down."He ran his hand further up her shirt and removed it from her head.He leaned down and kissed her again.He ran his hand under one side of her bra and cupped her breast."I've missed everything about you."He ran his hand behind her back and unclasped and removed her bra.

 

She smiled up at him."I've missed you too.And those hands.Mostly those hands.But I suppose you too.Maybe your lips."She laughed when he glared at her.

 

"You are something else tonight."He wrapped his arm behind her waist and pulled her hips up."But no matter what smart ass remark you decide to throw at me.It's not stopping me."

 

"I'm not pissing you off?But I'm trying REALLY hard."She said.

 

He looked down into her eyes.They were filled with humor and happiness.He couldn't help but smile even more."Oh, I've been onto you for a very long time.You can't piss me off.It's just not going to work.No matter how much your cute little mouth thinks it's going to."He held her up by her waist and undid her pants letting her down after he slid them from her ass.He slowly slid them down her legs.He stood up and looked down at her, lying in bed, in just her panties."Oh, I so want to go grab my camera right now."

 

"Don't you dare.You better just sketch it into your brain because there will be no photos of me like this.If you're not careful you won't even get to see it."She said crooking her finger at him, motioning him to come to her.

 

"Fine, but then, I want it all off."He reached down and before she could protest he removed her panties and threw them aside."Much better."He licked his lip and bit his bottom one as he stared down at her.

 

She laughed again and shook her head."God, and you call me the devil.I think you're properly the devil."She leaned up on her elbow."I think you have too many clothes on now, devil."

 

He smiled and quickly removed his clothes."Don't have to tell me twice."He leaned over her and kissed her.Begging for access to her mouth with his tongue.When she granted it, he leaned over the top of her.He kneed between her legs and settled himself in between them."You're so beautiful."He ran his hand down her side and over her hip."I could just lay here like this.And touch your skin all night."

 

"Your hands on my skin drive me insane."She said as her body squirmed under his touch.

 

"You and your hand fetish."He lifted her hips with one hand and entered her slowly.He groaned as she settled around him."I've missed the way you feel."He leaned down and kissed her as he started to move.

 

Her back arched as he started to thrust inside her.She was ok, but her body was still properly healing, and it gave it a different feeling.She moaned when he leaned down and took her nipple into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it.She was learning how sensitive the parts of her body could be.And even though he'd done it plenty of times, she concentrated on a different body part he stimulated each time.She reached up and ran her hand through his hair and grabbed onto the hair at the back of his neck."I've missed you too."She said quietly as his lips made their way back up her chest and her neck.

 

He worked his way up her neck and then found her lips again.He kissed her slowly and in rhythm with their movements.When she bit his lip and arched her back again, he knew he was hitting the spot he needed to.He started moving harder and more pronounced.When she said his name, he pulled her hips up closer with his one hand and watched her face.When her hands found his hips and she dug her nails into them, he knew he almost had her.

 

"Harder, please."She begged.She was surprised at herself, but he felt so good.He was bringing her high, and she wanted that release she knew he could give her.

 

When she begged him to go harder, he sat back on his knees and pulled her hips up to him with both hands.He moved into her; their hips crashing together.He watched her bite her lip and heard her moan with each thrust, and when she screamed his name, he thrust harder until he started to release himself.He groaned in pleasure but never stopped moving.It felt so good.It had been so long.Afterwards, his body collapsed onto hers."Well, I'm out of shape.We need to do that more often now so my stamina is better."He tried to catch his breath as he lay on top of her.

 

"I think you did just fine for now."She laughed."We've got plenty of time to get back into proper shape."She rolled over and laid her head on his chest.

 

"Are you ok?"He asked again.

 

"Ugh, Harry, stop asking me that.Yes, I'm fine."She bit his chest."You made me feel even better."She moved around a bit to get comfortable.

 

"Liar, look, you can't even get comfortable."He said rubbing up and down her arms slowly.

 

"Muscle aches.Just like when you work out.Stop worrying so much."She said again.

 

"I will try.But no guarantees."He said kissing her head."I may buy you a bubble.And when I'm not around, you need to stay in it."

 

She laughed at him."Such a you response.You can't protect me from everything.It's just another obstacle I had to get through.And I did.And you were right there by my side.Even though we weren't getting along and even though we were barely talking, you were right by my side."She kissed him and then got up.

 

"Where are you going?"He asked her.

 

"Shower.Then I need food.I'm starving."She said leaning down and kissing him again."You change the sheets while I shower.It's all your fault they are messy."

 

"It's not all my fault."He laughed at the look she gave him."Fine, I will change the sheets, but only because I want to.Not because you told me I had to."He got up as she went into the shower.He was happy she seemed happy.He got out new sheets and changed the bed.He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom just as she was getting out of the shower."Why don't you go order us some food?You don't need to cook.Whatever you want.It's on me, babe."He was just happy she wanted to eat.He loved her no matter what, but he missed those gentle curves.She had lost most of them.

 

"Oh, unhealthy it is.And lots of it.Bacon, lots of bacon."She joked as she pulled on her clothes.

 

"Good, because I miss all your padding."He joked as he got in the shower.

 

"Watch it, Styles."She said as she pulled on her panties and one of his tshirts.

 

He peeked out the shower."I'm watching it.But I would like to watch more curves."He blew a kiss at her.He smiled when she walked up and kissed him.

 

"Shut up."She said pushing his head back into the shower after she kissed him.She walked out of the bathroom to order their dinner.

 

"That's my girl."He said laughing and going into the shower.He let the water run over his face, and he couldn't stop smiling.There were so many ups and downs in this relationship.So many goods and bads.But in the end, it always seemed to come back to this.Playful, happy and smiling.He couldn't stop smiling.He finished up his shower, and he walked out into the front.He saw Julie curled up on the couch flipping through channels on the tv.He leaned over the back and kissed her."Food on its way?"

 

"Yep.Pizza and cheese fries.Perfect to add a little padding to my hips."She winked at him.

 

"And what are you eating already?"He asked.

 

"M&Ms." She said."I couldn't wait."

 

He shook his head."You're so bad for my diet."He grabbed a couple and threw them in his mouth as the doorbell rang."I'll get it."He paid the delivery guy and brought the food back."Who did you think we were feeding?The whole neighborhood?"

 

"No, that's just for me.I didn't even get you any."She laughed and took the pizza box and opened it.She grabbed a piece and took a bite."Oh, it's SO good.It could be better than sex."

 

"Shut up."He said to her grabbing a slice of pizza."Why do you have to be so mean?"He lifted her legs and put them over his lap as he sat next to her on the couch.

 

"I'm not mean.Isn't it good?"She asked him.

 

"Yes, but it's not better then sex with you, love."He winked at her.

 

"You always know the right thing to say.Speak from the heart."She laughed at him.

 

"Well, may not be the heart that's speaking when it comes to good sex with you."He said glancing down at his shorts.

 

"Oh, good lord.How do I put up with you?"She asked.

 

"Because I'm good in bed and then I buy you extra greasy food after?"He raised his slice of pizza at her.

 

"Good point."She laughed looking at him."Very good point."She loved seeing the happy look in his eyes.Did she finally find happy?Did she finally make it out of the darkness of her past and into the light of her future?She knew that she had never felt so much before.It was times like this that she knew what happiness was.It was the little times together in between everything where she knew that this was different.The playfulness and the jokes.The laughter and the understanding. The teasing with no anger."I love you, Harry."

 

"I love you, too, Julie."He winked at her."Now shut up and eat.I need more padding."He laughed and threw his head back when she threw a pillow at him.These were the moments he missed the most.These were the moments he looked forward to the most.This would now always be his happiness.No matter what he went and did in his career, this would always be the highlight.He was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters to go!! Then this story is over....  
> There may be a surprise after this story is finished if anyone is interested!!


	77. Chapter 77

A few weeks later, One Direction was slated to be at the Billboard Music Awards in Vegas.  It took some convincing, but Harry, Niall, and Amanda had convinced Julie to come along.  Vegas didn't have great memories for any of them, especially Julie, but it was time to move past what had occurred there.  Julie had told them it was only one city in the US, so she could continue to avoid it.  However, the others felt that it would be best for her to go and face it and realize that it didn't have to only be that one horrible time.

 

They had just gotten into the cars after they landed in Vegas.  It was mid-May, and it was just a couple more weeks before they would be leaving for the rest of the tour.  Harry looked over at Julie.  She was quiet, but he wasn't surprised.  He couldn't imagine that this wasn't her favorite memory.  "Hey, are you doing ok?"  He asked her as they settled back for the ride.

 

She shrugged and laced her fingers in his as he took her hand.  "I'm, ok.  Can't say it's my favorite place.  Not sure this was the best idea.  But I do want to be with you as much as I can the next couple of weeks."  She leaned her head on his shoulder.

 

He kissed her head.  "Yeah, time sure is going very quickly, isn't it?"

 

"Yeah, it is.  Something always seems to happen while we're together.  Always seems to make it so that we don't have the time we want or need."  She said cuddling up to him the best she could.

 

"Yeah, well the three days you were in a coma went slower than any other time I have ever experienced."  He said wrapping his arm around her.  After she got home from the hospital, they had done really well together.  They spent every moment together they could.  Julie was still out on disability from work.  So, he would come home to her from the studio every day.  Or actually every late night, or early morning.  He never thought he was looking for something like that, but he had to admit it was nice.  They went out a few times, but at odd hours and to less crowded places.  She still wasn't ready to accept the fans and paps.  She still worried about the possibility Johnny would not only find her but talk to the press about her.  Harry had to admit he was surprised that he hadn't yet.  Only reason he figured was Johnny didn't want people digging into his past too deeply.

 

"Yeah, sorry about that.  Next time I will plan my coma at a more convenient time for you."  Julie said looking out the window.

 

"Why, baby?  Why you gotta be like that?"  He shook his head at her.

 

"'Cause, it's just me."  She looked out the window as they got closer to the hotel.  "Jesus, Harry, look at all these people."  She sat up and looked out the window more.  "There's a garage underneath, right?"

 

"I think it's time we stop avoiding the whole thing."  He said to her.

 

"Well, you think wrong.  And you're insane.  And that's not going to happen."  She looked at him with wide eyes.

 

He laughed.  "Julie, you have to accept it.  I don't want to hide you forever.  Eventually, we're going to have to go out in public."

 

"No, we don't.  Why?  You've always been private.  We can be private."  She said exasperated.  She was not ready for him to throw this at her right now.

 

"Yes, we don't have to put everything out there, but I don't want to have to figure out how to hide you every time we go somewhere.  I love you.  There's no reason why we can't start to show that."  He said taking her hand and making her look at him.  "You and I are different."

 

"I swear if you start singing, I'm going to slap you."  She looked up at him.  "Harry, that means everything I know is over.  I become the most hated woman in the world.  And I'm hardly exaggerating about that.  Your fans can be extreme."

 

"Yes, they can.  But they also can be accepting and loving.  Sure, there will be some that don't like it.  But there will be some who will accept you, and accept us.  And be happy that I'm happy."  He ran his thumb over her knuckles.  "Please, baby, just give it a try."

 

She took a deep breath and looked out the window again.  They were next to pull up to the hotel.  Niall and Amanda were in the car ahead of them.  She watched Amanda get out with Niall.  Guess Niall had had the same discussion with Amanda.  She expected Niall to get out to entertain the crowd while Amanda got taken to another entrance.  So now she felt even more pressure.  She watched Niall and Amanda walk into the hotel through the crowd.

 

"I know, baby."  He pulled her chin towards him.  "But we got this.  Together."  He could hear it in her voice again.  The fear, the uncertainty, but he knew that he didn't want to hide her anymore.  Not constantly.  It was a first for him, but it was time to stop having to over-plan everything.  He was tired of being separated all the time.

 

"I will do this, but don't expect me to walk any red carpets or go to any award shows as your date."  She took a deep breath.  She was officially scared.  "Oh, god, I don't want to do this."

 

Harry waited until the door opened, and then he stepped out.  He heard the cameras and the screams, and he reached his hand in for Julie.  She didn't move at first.  "Come on, baby.  Just keep your head down, and I will get you through.”  He took her hand and helped her out.  There was a security member in front of him, so he led her through the crowd by her hand, and there was a security member behind her.  He waved to some of the fans, but he wouldn't stop for pictures or anything with her there.  He heard some rumblings, but he'd been seen with her before.  The more he was seen with her, the more curious the fans and press would get.  He knew that.  He finally got her through the crowd and into the hotel.  "See, that wasn't so bad."

 

Julie shot Harry a look when he said it wasn't so bad.  "What?  I can only imagine social media right now.  The mumblings already."

 

"That's why I barely go on."  He kissed her quick.  "You're fine.  You're mine.  I'm going to show you off."  He laughed when she shot him a look again.  "Ok, fine, but you're not hiding away from everything.  We have to have some sort of normalcy and that's not hiding you from everyone."

 

"Harry's right you know."  Amanda said walking up to them.

 

"Yeah, of course he is."  Julie looked at her.  "Panda, you couldn't wait for this."

 

"That's not true.  I just wasn't going to avoid it.  I'm claiming mine."  She said wrapping her arm around Niall's waist.

 

"You're claiming me?  Really?"  Niall said looking at her.  "Is that what this is?"

 

"Of course."  Amanda said simply looking at Niall.

 

"Right, of course."  Niall said shaking his head.  "Ok, let's go get ready."

 

"Get ready for what?"  Julie asked.

 

Niall looked at Harry.  "You didn't tell her?"

 

Harry stood there and stared at Niall.  "No, not yet, thanks.  One thing at a time."  He turned and looked at Julie.  "We're taking you two to a show tonight.  Cirque du Soleil.  We've got it all set up.  I know you'll love it."

 

"So, you're just deciding to bombard me with all of this?  A walk through the crowd and a public outing.  This whole planning things for me without telling me so that you don't have to worry about me saying no is getting old, Harry."  She crossed her arms.

 

"Yeah, yeah.  Scold me later.  Let's go.  You will love it.  Stop being so damn stubborn."  He said taking her hand.  He told Amanda and Niall they would see them later and took Julie to their room.  "Listen, I just didn't want you to worry the whole time.  I was going to tell you when we got to the room, I promise.  And if you really don't want to go, we don't have to."

 

She took a deep breath and looked at him.  "No, it's ok.  I wish you'd stop plotting when it comes to me, but I will go with you."  When he sat on the bed, she walked between his legs.  "Harry, it doesn't matter who knows.  I love you, and I'm proud of that, but having so much attention thrown on me just isn't my thing."

 

"I know it's not, but baby, I honestly don't want to hide you forever.  It's ok when it's not as serious, but I love you, completely.  I don't want to hide that forever."  He said reaching up and cupping her cheek.

 

"I know.  I'm sorry.  I will try to get used to it."  She kissed his palm and went to her bag to get something to wear.  "Do I have time to shower?"

 

"Well, it would be faster if we showered together."  He said standing up.

 

She walked over to him and pushed him back on the bed.  "Oh no, you sprung this whole outing thing on me.  You're not springing anything else on me right now."  She stood on her toes and kissed him after he stood back up.  "You're so lucky I love you. You're so lucky that I don't know what I would do without you right now."

 

Harry laughed and watched her walk to the bathroom.  "Yeah, luckiest bastard in the world."

 

A couple of hour later, Harry and Niall were sitting in the hotel's restaurant waiting as usual for their girls.  Amanda had decided they needed to go to the spa and get ready for their first proper date with the boys out in public.  Harry laughed the whole time Amanda was trying to convince Julie of going through that again.  She had to promise her it wouldn't be as intense as in Dubai.  He didn't have a boring girlfriend.  No, no one could accuse him of that.  He stood up with Niall when the girls walked in.  He smiled.  She looked beautiful as always, in a more toned-down way.  Tight white pants with a shoulder less black top.  Black heeled boots.  Her hair left down bouncing over her shoulders.  Light make up.  He loved the fact she didn't wear a lot of make-up all the time.  She didn't need it.  When she walked up to him he took her hand.  "You look beautiful as always."

 

"Thanks, I'm glad I got to wear pants and not a dress.  Panda listened to me for once."  She said reaching up and kissing him.  "Although these heels are pretty tall.  I don't have to reach up as much to find your lips.  I kind of like that."  She kissed him again and then went and sat down when he pulled out the chair for her.

 

After Amanda also sat when Niall pulled out the chair for her, she looked at JJ.  "Well, JJ, I figured we got you to walk through a crowd.  We're getting you to eat in a public restaurant, and we're getting you to go out to a proper show, the least I could do is let you look cute in something you were sure to wear."  She laughed when JJ glared at her.  She laughed harder when Julie picked up the roll and then realized where she was.  She knew that JJ wanted to throw it at her, but they were in a pretty fancy restaurant.  "Oh, thank goodness you're trying to use your proper lady manners."

 

Niall leaned over and kissed Amanda.  "Do you think that maybe you could behave?"

 

"Not a chance."  Amanda laughed and kissed Niall back.  "This place is quite high class though.  It's beautiful."

 

Julie put the roll back in the bread basket.  "Proud of your restraint, baby."  Harry said to her as he kissed her forehead.  "I promise I won't make you be proper all night.  When we're alone, we can be as improper as you want."

 

"Oh, here we go."  Julie smiled at the waiter when he filled her wine glass and then looked back at Harry.  "We aren't going to go there, Harry.  We have to talk about this whole supporting me thing again."

 

"Well, I'm not going to support that.  Ever.  And you don't seem to be able to resist me anyway."  He said as he handed her a menu.

 

"Is that a challenge?"  Julie asked looking at him over the menu.

 

"No!"  He glanced at her.  "I know how strong-willed you are when you set your mind to something.  It is NOT a challenge.  Maybe I should challenge you to put your hands on me."  He laughed.

 

"Reverse psychology Harry?  Really?"  She smiled and shook her head at him.  You're not that good, my love.  Sorry."  She ordered herself a nice chicken alfredo and handed the menu back, once again smiling at the waiter.

 

"Will you stop flirting with the waiter?  I mean, I'm sitting right here."  Harry said squeezing her knee.

 

"Because I smiled at him?  I can't be nice?"  She asked him.

 

"No," Niall said.  "I can't say that this is usual."  He laughed when JJ picked up her fork and tapped the tips on the table.  "Fork or not, it's still true."

 

"Niall, what have I told you about this?"  Amanda said.  "Yes, JJ, you're allowed to be nice.  And smile, and be happy.  Now, could you please put the fork down?"

 

"You guys think you're so funny.  Like, I swear.  You try really hard to be funny.  But I'm going to break it to you now.  Without kid gloves.  You're not that funny."  Julie said picking up her glass and drinking her wine.  She set the glass down.   "I think I'm going to need more of these to get through this night."

 

"As much as I liked the outcome the last time I saw drunk,Julie,  I think maybe we should save that.  I want you to enjoy the night, but I don't want you to try and jump me during the show."  Harry said laughing into his glass.

 

"Oh, I hate you."  Julie said.  "I think I need more wine to put up with you."  She looked at Niall and Amanda who were laughing out loud.  "I hate all of you."

 

"We've waited a long time for you to say that.  It's been way too long."  Niall said to her laughing louder.

 

"You're going to get us kicked out of the restaurant.  And maybe worse.  Then we can't go to the show."  She glanced around.  Eyes were finding them.  They were off in a corner, so it was harder to see.  Harry did put her in a spot where it was harder to see her around him and Niall, but still it was intimidating.  She could see phones up in the air subtly trying to take pictures of Harry and Niall.

 

Harry picked up the bottle of wine and poured Julie another glass.  "I think one more will be ok.  And don't worry so much.  Everything is ok.  They can barely see in here because of the lighting and between the wall, Niall and I. they can't really get good pictures of you.  I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable."

 

"I know. I'm ok."  She looked at him.  "Ok, I'm lying a little.  But I'm ok with it.  I want to be with you, Harry, and this is part of it.  I'll be ok."  She put her hand on his which was on her knee.  She kissed him when he leaned over and then smiled at him.

 

Conversation and playfulness continued between the four of them during dinner.  They took their time and enjoyed each other's company.  The food was amazing, and the atmosphere was quiet.  Only a couple of people tried to be a little bold with asking for pictures, but the staff was extremely kind to keep them away.  Harry and Niall said they would take a few pictures after dinner if they would let them eat first.  Amanda and Julie went out a different door of the restaurant while Harry and Niall fulfilled their promises of pictures to some fans.  The girls waited by a beautiful waterfall in the lobby for the boys to finish.  Amanda and Julie both smiled when they saw Harry and Niall walking towards them about ten minutes later.

 

"You guys are amazing."  Amanda said as she kissed Niall.  "You didn't have to do that for your fans, yet you did."

 

"It's nothing."  Niall said to her kissing her and then her hand.

 

"I think it's something."  Julie said taking Harry's hand when he offered it.  "Not everyone would do that.  And I appreciate the quiet we had.  And it's only because you do care about your fans and give them what they ultimately want."

 

"You know that there were still pictures taken while we were eating, right?"  Amanda asked Julie.

 

"Yeah, I know and I'm trying not to think too much about it, and even though part of me wants to think of them as just disrespectful, I'm trying not to.  I'm trying to think of how it would be to see your favorite musician sitting in the same restaurant as you and how that would feel."  Julie said walking out towards the doors with Harry, Niall, and Amanda.

 

Niall stopped at the door.  "Are you girls ready for this?  We have to go out to get to the show.  Do you think you can handle it?"

 

"Yep, let's go.  I'm going to walk out with my head held high proud to be the girl on Niall Horan's arm."  Amanda said.

 

"Ok, well you can be proud to be the girl on Harry's arm, too."  Julie said taking a deep breath.  "Fuck."  She said.

 

Harry laughed.  "I have to say.  When you swear, it's completely adorable.  Especially like that."

 

"Shut up."  Julie said to him.  She took another deep breath.  "Ok, ok, I'm ready.  Let's do this already."  She tightened her grip on Harry's hand.  Oh god, she was scared.  They were going out a side door, but people would know.  And they only had a couple security members with them who were going to try to stay back and let them have a proper date.  Her heart was beating really hard.  She could do this though.  She could.  For Harry.  He seemed to really want it.  But Christ, there were a lot of people out there earlier.  She followed Harry and reached behind her and held Panda's hand, and Panda was holding Niall's so it was like a chain of comfort.  She looked up when she heard people coming up to them.  There were a lot.  More than she expected.

 

Harry could sense this was getting overwhelming.  He knew.  He pulled her closer to him and shielded her with his arm tightly around her.  Even though they had limited security, they did a good job at keeping everyone at bay.  It was dark out, so the flashes from the crowd were a bit more intense then he'd anticipated.  When they all finally got inside, he made sure they got away from the doors as quickly as possible.  He put his hands on Julie's shoulders and looked down at her.  "Are you ok?"

 

She nodded.  She was ok.  It was intense, and she knew that her picture was now out there as being with Harry.  Putting tonight together with the airport in London and the few pictures in Tahoe, there was no way this wasn't going to become a thing.  She looked up at him.  "I'm good."  She shook her head and smiled.  "Yeah, life is now going to be even more complicated."  She laughed.  "But at least it's because of a good reason."

 

Harry, Niall, and Amanda looked at each other when Julie started laughing.  They started laughing with her, but they weren't sure why.  After a few minutes, Amanda addressed Julie.  "So, um what's wrong with you?"

 

"I don't know.  Guess I just realized that this was it.  This is the moment I became a verified girlfriend of a One Direction member, and I think I may be going insane."  She laughed again and shook her head.  "Crap."  She took Harry's hand when they walked into the show.  It was about to start, and, of course, they had the best seats in the house.  The show was incredible.  More than she could have ever asked for in her first Vegas show.  The acrobatics, dance routines, and sheer flying those performers did were amazing.

 

Niall grabbed Amanda's hand and Julie's.  "Did you guys have a good time?"  He smiled when both girls laid their head on his shoulders.  "I love having two beautiful girls on my arms.  You don't mind do you, Hazz?"  He laughed at the look Harry gave him.  "Oh, you do?"

 

"Oh, we are not starting this again, Niall."  Harry said taking Julie's other hand.  Security had just informed them they were waiting for a couple of other members to come.  Their whereabouts spread quickly. and there were more people there then they anticipated.  They just had to go with it.

 

Niall and Amanda walked out first, and Julie followed Harry.  She let go of his hand when things became too overwhelming.  The crowd was crazy.  She fell back a little with a security member hoping that Niall and Harry would take most of the attention. and she could just get back to the hotel.  Harry looked back at her but nodded in understanding.  She fell back a little bit more but could still see Harry making his way through the crowd.  She slowed down and then stopped when she heard her name.  Oh crap, not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one chapter left of this story!!!Thank you so much for your amazing support! Stay tuned for an important announcement after the last chapter. You all are amazing!
> 
> One more chapter!!! Ahhhhhh....


	78. Chapter 78

Harry turned around to make sure Julie was getting through everything ok when he saw her stop.When she turned, he followed her gaze to see what she was looking at.No fucking way!It couldn't fucking be.He turned around to go towards her."Julie!"He yelled but she couldn't hear him over all of the crowd.He tried to push his way back through the crowd as he watched security removing Johnny from the crowd.How the fuck did he keep finding her here?There was no question how.Their plans were known.It was known the band would be at the Billboard Music Awards, and Johnny had just assumed she would be here.He took the chance.Fuck!Harry needed to get to her.When Julie turned and looked at him, he was relieved, but then she turned around and followed Johnny.What the fuck!He turned back to Niall and Amanda who had now stopped as well."Johnny, he's here."At that point, they all tried to go back towards Julie.

 

Julie looked at Harry, but she couldn't do this anymore.She knew Harry wouldn't want her to, but she was almost glad he wasn't with her right now.She turned and followed security away from the crowd to where they were escorting Johnny away."Wait!"She said before they could put him in a car.He had broken the restraining order, so he would be taken to jail.But this was never going to end.She was scared; god she was scared, but she had to do it."Why are you here?"She asked standing a few feet away from him.She was asked by security to move on, however she politely but forcefully refused.

 

"Why am I here?You know why I'm here."Johnny said stepping towards her, but he was stopped by a security member."Bet you feel real safe with a bunch of goons protecting you."

 

"Why are you trying so hard?Why do you care where One Direction is going to be?To what?Tell me what a whore you think I am?Tell me how I'm still being used because I'm easy?"She asked him.She clenched her fists because she was scared.It was hard to breathe, but she needed to do this.

 

"Well, if the shoe fits."Johnny said to her."Where is pretty boy anyway?Not man enough to stand up for you himself?That should tell you something."

 

"Julie!"Harry yelled as they made their way onto the side street where security had taken Johnny."Get away from him."He said as he tried to go up to her.

 

"Harry, wait."Niall said."Give her a minute."

 

"Give her a minute?!?Have you lost your mind?!"Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing from Niall.

 

"No, she's got security.Just, let's see what she can do.We're here if she needs us."Niall said.He nodded at JJ who was looking at them.He held onto Amanda's hand."Princess, let her deal with it.She obviously wants to."He gave JJ another encouraging look.

 

"Let her deal with it?Do you remember last time we were here?That he was here?"Amanda asked.As far as she was concerned, Harry was right Niall had lost his mind.

 

"I do, but she's not that girl anymore.Let's just be here for her, if she needs us."Niall said.For some reason, he thought, Julie had followed Johnny for a reason.He was removed quickly.She had an out.She had a way to not face him, but she decided to do it.That meant something.At least, he hoped he was right.

 

Julie nodded at Niall and then turned back to Johnny."You need to stop.You need to just move on."

 

"I don't need to do anything other than bring you back to where you belong."Johnny said.

 

"I belong here.I belong wherever I want to be."She kept her fists clenched and her feet planted.Oh god, what was she doing?"I used to be so scared of you. I would never dream of saying anything to you, but this is enough, Johnny."

 

"You're still scared.Look at you.Shaking in your shoes."He said to her.

 

"Yeah, of course.Of course, I am.I spent over two years putting up with everything that you said and everything that you did.I believed you when you said I was worth nothing.When you convinced me that you were the only one who would deal with me."She said.

 

"Well it's true.You wait."He said."Your rich boy toy will figure out what we already know.That you're not worth anything.He will tire of you.And when he does, don't think you can come running back to me."

 

"Really?You still think that would happen?"Julie said to him.She took a step closer to him.

 

Harry couldn't take it anymore.What was she doing?Why was she going closer to him?He couldn't wait anymore.He walked up to her.Before he could step in front of her though, he felt her hands on his chest."Julie, I can't take this."

 

"It's ok."She said as she looked in his eyes."Just, by my side ok?Let me handle this, please?"

 

He looked into her eyes.He didn't like it, but he could tell she was determined.He took her hand and squeezed it and then stood beside her.

 

"Well, isn't that just precious."Johnny said.

 

"Look, Johnny, I used to be scared.I used to be nothing but scared.Then that fear came true last time we were here in Vegas.You found me, and it was the same as it used to be.I fell back into that self-doubt.I doubted myself. I doubted those around me. I doubted my life.I questioned everything, including my friends.But do you know what the difference was this time?My friends never doubted me.Instead of making me believe I was worthless, and making me believe I was weak, they kept telling me I was strong.They reminded me that I had already picked up and saved myself."

 

"Saved yourself?Really?"Johnny said.He didn't know what to say really.He never saw this coming.The last time he was here, she'd tried to stand up to him, but she'd backed down just like she always did.

 

"Yes, Johnny.I left, and I started over.And now, I'm not scared of you.Not anymore.Because I've realized that it's not me that's the problem.It's you.It's always been you.It's your weakness and your insecurities.You took advantage of me being young and confused.You manipulated everything around me so that I didn't feel I had a choice.And I just went with it because I was scared of the next time you would hit me.Nothing feels worse than wondering every second when the next time you would get hit."She took a breath.She didn't want to cry.She felt Harry's hand on her elbow and she looked up at him.

 

Johnny watched the interaction."I still can't believe you think you're anything to him."

 

Julie smiled at Harry and then she looked back at Johnny."You know what?I feel sorry for you."

 

"You feel sorry for me?"Johnny spat at her."And why is that?"

 

"Because you will never feel what it's like to actually love someone.And to actually have someone love you."She looked back at Amanda and Niall and then back at Harry and to Johnny again."You'll never know what it's like to have people who truly love you.Who truly want what's best for you and will accept you no matter what.Because you choose to try to keep someone by threatening them and scaring them.And that's why I feel sorry for you."

 

"Oh, and you know what this is?"Johnny asked her.

 

"Yes, I do.I'm truly sorry you won't experience it.I'm truly sorry that you won't feel that comfort and that acceptance.You never loved me.Ever.You were only on a power trip to keep me around.I hope one day you do find it.Because it can change your life.It was never me.It will never be me.But you should open yourself to it.It can make you feel like you're stronger than the world.It can make you feel like no matter what you do, everything will be ok."She looked up at Harry again, and he just kept staring at her.

 

"It's all a bunch of crap."Johnny said as he stepped towards her angrily.

 

"You can hit me Johnny, if you choose.But what I've realized is you can't hurt me anymore.There may be bruises and there may be physical pain, but that heals.You have no power over me anymore.I was strong enough to leave you, I was strong enough to heal after Vegas, and I'm strong enough to tell you right now that no matter what you do,no matter how many times you come around threatening me, I'm going to be ok."She stepped forward towards Johnny.

 

"Julie, no."Harry said grabbing her hand and stopping her."Not like that."

 

"It's ok Harry."She said to him and then turned back to face Johnny."I wish you nothing but happiness.I hope you find that one person who will show you what love is.Who will show you that no matter what you've been through that they will be there for you.Let yourself feel it, Johnny.Let yourself be happy.That happiness isn't with me.It never was.Let it go.Be happy.And let someone love you.Because once you do, you'll never want to be without it.Go home, Johnny.Forget about me."

 

Johnny didn't know what to say.This is not how he saw this.He was going to come here and break her.Make her realize she was still the same girl she was when they were together, he expected to win.She was different.She stood up to him.He just stared at her.

 

Julie looked at security."Don't have him arrested.Just take him to the airport, please.Buy him a plane ticket home."She looked back at Johnny."Just go home, stop looking for me, and try, just try to be happy."

 

She took Harry's hand and turned and walked away with him.She let out a breath when they were far enough away.She wrapped her arms around Harry's neck when he picked her up and hugged her to him."What are you doing?"She asked him.

 

"Look what you just did!" He said holding her to him."I admit, I didn't like it one bit, but you stood right up to him."

 

"I just, I don't know.Can we just get back to the hotel room, please?"She asked.

 

He put her down and took her hand."Yes, but you're staying right next to me this time."He walked her through the crowd and into the hotel room.He had Amanda and Niall join them in his and Julie's room.He grabbed everyone a drink and then sat next to Julie on the couch.

 

Amanda was sitting on the other side of JJ and laid her head on JJ's shoulder."How did that feel?"

 

"Scary.And amazing.And like a weight being lifted off me."Julie said.

 

"I knew you could do it."Niall said to her.

 

"Of course, you did, Niall."Julie said to him."You've always thought I was strong.It's partly because of you that I felt I could stand up to him."

 

"It was all you."Niall said."All you."

 

"No, it wasn't.I meant what I said.I hope he finds those who can make him see and feel what it's like to be loved.I hope he finds someone to accept him and his faults, someone who he doesn't think that he has to hide from.That he doesn't think he has to scare and manipulate to do so.I hope me being able to overcome it shows him that there's another way."Julie said looking around at all of them."I found love, and it changed my life.And I don't just mean with Harry.I mean with all of you.Love in so many forms is something I never knew I needed."

 

"Well, I can say that it took a lot to let you walk right up to him like that.I couldn't believe he was standing there.And when I saw you go after him, I about lost my mind."Harry said to her.

 

"I know, but I'm glad you did."Julie said taking his hand."I didn't know I needed to do it.But when they started taking him away, all I could think was he's just going to get away with it again.He's just going to think that he got to me, and he would just keep trying.With the support I've had from you all, I just wanted to show him that he couldn't get to me anymore.That I wasn't running scared all the time anymore."

 

Niall raised his glass."Well, to friends, and love and to you, JJ.For just doing the bravest thing I ever witnessed."

 

Julie smiled as they all raised their glasses and they came together.It had all come full circle.Who knew coming to Vegas would give her the closure of her past she needed to be able to move on?Who knew an unexpected appearance by Johnny was what she needed in order to fully accept she was strong and able to handle what life threw at her?She watched her boyfriend, the one who showed her love and patience.The one who had taught her that through her faults and through her fears she could still have love.She watched her best friend, the one who stood by her no matter what.The one who took her coldness and her carefulness and accepted it.The one who did whatever she could to protect her even when she didn't ask for it.She watched the most unexpected best friend she could find in Niall.The one who believed in her strength even when she didn't.The one who saw in her what no one else could.She smiled and raised her glass to them when they did another cheers.The smiles, the happiness, the love.She put her hand on Harry's cheek when he kissed her and held her in his arms.They were going on about how proud they were of her, but all she could think of was how proud she was of all of them.What they've done together, what they'd gotten through together.She never would have pictured herself happy with friends and in a stable relationship.Especially with Harry Styles.But here she was, with all of it.Happy, healthy, and FREE.

 

I hope you all have enjoyed the journey of Through The Dark.I couldn't have asked for more.Every one of my readers is amazing.Would you like to see what happens with Harry and JJ and Amanda and Niall now that JJ is FREE?

 

Stay tuned for the first Chapter of  Free, the sequel to Through The Dark, posted soon....

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes TTD! I hope you enjoyed....
> 
> If you’re curious as to what happens next with these characters, I shall be posting a sequel, titled Free starting in a few days!
> 
> I’d love it if you would check that out too!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! 


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